When the term ‘true-self’ is mentioned, it can sound a bit air fairy, and it could be said that this it to be expected. One thing that can come to mind for someone is that human beings don’t have a self that is fixed.
It Doesn’t Exist
It is then not as of it is going to be possible for them to find the part of themselves that doesn’t change. If they were to look for this part of themselves, they are not going to get very far.
What they would find is that their life would come to an end and they wouldn’t have anything to show for it. Perhaps this is why it has been said that the self is nothing more than an illusion.
With this is mind, it would be appropriate to say that the true-self is nothing more than a fancy term for something that doesn’t exist. Thus, if someone does buy into this it shows that they are deluding themselves.
But with that aside, what can’t be denied is that there are people who have a strong sense of self and those who don’t. Consequently, not everyone is going to be able to express what is taking place within them.
Another way of looking at the true-self would be to say that it relates to someone’s true needs and feelings, amongst other things. And as they grow and change, it is going to be normal for their feelings and needs to change.
Based on this, it is going to be completely rational to say that there is no such thing as a fixed self. And if someone did have a fixed self, this would stop them from being able to grow and change.
In this regard, human beings are no different to trees; not only will what is taking place within them change as time goes by, but so will their appearance. That is, of course, if someone allow this process to take place.
If the external environment isn’t right, it can stop a tree from being able to grow in the right way, and the same thing can take place for a human being. Yet, when it comes to a human being, what is taking place internally can also get in the way.
This is then going to stop the tree from being able to reach its full potential, and what this could show is that it is not getting enough light, for instance. On the other hand, when it relates to a human being, it is going to stop them from being able to express their true needs and feelings.
As a result of this, the tree and the human being are going to be alive, but that’s going to be about as far as it goes. However, when the tree is free to grow and someone is able to express their true-self; it is going to be radically different.
When one can pay attention to their needs and feelings, it is going to be a lot easier for them to life a fulfilling life. There will be no reason for them to always do what other people want, which means that they won’t be a people pleaser.
And through being able to reveal who they are to the people they are close to, it will allow them to experience intimacy. Nevertheless, if one didn’t fee safe enough to express what is taking place within them, they wouldn’t be able to experience life in this way.
What this shows is that it is not going to be enough for one to have a good connection with themselves; they will need to feel comfortable enough to do so. When this is not the case, it can cause one to develop false-self instead.
During the moments when they are in their own company they may be aware of their true needs and feeling, but when they are around others, this is unlikely to be the case. And even if they are aware of what is taking place within them, it is not going to have much of an effect on how they behave.
The Main Part
Through being this way, one is going to have the need to please other people, and this is going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. Their needs and feelings are going to end up being overlooked, which is going to make it hard for them to experience true fulfilment.
If they were to be themselves, they could end up being overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember, and this could show that their early years had a big effect on them.
A Deeper Look
The beginning of their life may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. The care that they needed in order to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided.
This would have caused them to experience trauma, and they would have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to exist. What took place will be in their past but their body won’t have forgotten about it.
Unless the trauma that is within them is dealt with, one will continue to live a life that is not very fulfilling. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.