When it comes to how one behaves around others, there is the chance that their behaviour generally matches up with their true needs and feelings. What this will then mean is that they won’t have the inclination to put on an act around others.
Therefore, if the people they are close to were asked to describe them, there is a strong chance that their description would match up with how one sees themselves. And as one is this way around them, there is a strong chance that these people are also in touch with what is taking place within them.
Through being this way and by having these people in their life, there will be no reason for them to feel trapped or weighed down whilst they are in their company. They can be themselves and they won’t need to edit what they say or adjust their behaviour to please these people.
This will then allow them to experience a deep sense of intimacy, and this will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. One will know that the support that these people give them is for who they are and not for a role they play.
However, this is not to say that there won’t be moments where one won’t have to play a role and to ignore what is taking place within hem. But when this happens, it is likely to relate to another context.
For example, when one is at work they may have to act in a certain way, and it then won’t be possible for them to always go along with their true feelings and needs. This can also occur if one was to come across someone who was aggressive, for instance, as it might not be in their best interest to speak their mind.
When one has a strong connection with themselves it is not only going to affect their relationships, it will also impact their career. It could be said that there will be a greater chance that they will do something that is fulfilling, or that they will be working towards it.
They are not going to be concerned about what other people are doing or on what looks good in the eyes of others; following their own truth will be what matters. And through leading their life in this way, it will be a lot easier for them to handle any setbacks that may arise.
If they are doing something that is fulfilling, they may have had to put in a lot of effort over the years to get to where they are. What would have made this easier would have been the support that they received from the people they are close to.
On the other hand, if one is still studying or building up their business to where they want it to be, they will need to maintain their focus and to keep going. The fact that they are doing what matters and they have supportive people around them will make this process a lot easier than it would be if this wasn’t the case.
Now, although experiencing life in this way could be seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone can relate to. There are going to be plenty of people who are completely out of touch with themselves.
Alternatively, they can be in touch with themselves but that doesn’t mean that they will listen to what is taking place within them. Due to this, one could end up playing a role even if they are in touch with themselves.
When one plays a role and they are out of touch with their true-self, their primary concern will be to please others. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will come across in this way, as they could come across as though they don’t need other people’s approval.
It can then seem as a though they are above approval, but they are going to need it just as much as someone who comes across as a people pleaser. The reason they can come across as though they don’t need it is because they could find it easy to receive approval from others.
A Steady Flow
Perhaps one is highly attractive or has a certain presence, and this makes it easy for them to be validated. The feedback that they receive can then be enough to keep their need for approval at bay.
Yet regardless of whether one comes across as though they don’t need approval, they are still going to be wearing a mask. The people they spend time with are not going to know who they are, and these people could also be out of touch with themselves.
Like Attracts Like
There is then going to be no reason for the people around them to realise that they are playing a role. It then not going to be possible for one to experience intimacy with others, and there is also the chance that this won’t bother them.
If one is out of touch with their true needs and feelings, they are not going to be aware of their need to experience intimacy. It could be different for someone who is in touch with their needs and feelings though, but they are unlikely to feel comfortable enough to fulfil this need.
A New Start
This could me a mask that one has worn for most of their life and if they were to let go of it, it could be due to a number of reasons. They could get to the stage where they are no longer willing to please other people, or something dramatic could occur that shakes them up.
The pain they will have to go through to let go of their mask is then going to pale in comparison to the pain they have been going through by living a lie for so long. This could then mean that they will end up reading books and having therapy, for instance.
As this takes place, one may find that they are not longer drawn to the same people, and a number of their relationships may come to an end. Some of the people they are close to may try to encourage them to behave how they used to behave.
One can then end up feeling trapped in their presence and though they can’t be themselves, and this is why it will be normal for them to be drawn to other people. There is always the chance that they won’t be the only ones who will change, and at the same time, the people they know could end up getting defensive and accuse one of being the person who needs to change.
If one is out of touch with their true-self and then this changes it is to be expected that certain challenges will arise. However, what matters is that one is true to themselves, and through allowing their life to be an expression of what is taking place within them, they will soon come into contact with people who can honour them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.