In order for someone to be able to fulfil their needs, they will need to be in touch with them. But that’s not to say that this is all there is to it, as one will also need to feel as though it is safe enough for them to fulfil them.
The Two Levels
It could be said that, as a human being, one of their greatness needs will be to feel safe, and once they feel this way, it will allow them to fulfil their so-called higher needs. However, if one generally feels safe, this is not going to be something that they will need to think about.
Consequently, one will be able to pay attention to what is taking place within them and to go about fulfilling their needs. Now, this is not to say that they will always be able to do this; what it means is that it will be a normal part of their life.
A Big Effect
And, as they feel safe enough to fulfil their needs, this is going to be something that defines how they behave in just about every area of their life. When it comes to the people who they spend time with, there is going to be no reason for them to go along to get along.
These people are likely to be in their life because they want to spend time with them, and not because they have to spend time with them. They will be able to talk about what they have been doing and to go into what is taking place at a deeper level.
On the one hand, there will be the fact that one feels safe enough to open up, and on the other, there will the part that these people play. Due to how these people respond to them, one will know that they don’t need to hold certain parts of themselves back.
It is then not that one just happened to open up to these people and ended up becoming friends with them; one would have taken the time to make sure that they were right for them. And what would have made this easier is that they didn’t need their approval.
When it comes to their career, one might be doing something that is highly meaningful, or they could be working towards something that truly matters to them. One can then feel as though they are on the right track.
As a result of the meaning that this area of their life gives them, it is probably going to mean that they won’t have the tendency to be distracted by the things that they can’t do anything about. One is then going to be proactive as opposed to reactive.
If behaving in this way is what feels safe, it is also likely to show that one is not emotionally dependent on others. They will have the ability to handle their own emotions and to reach out to others when this is not possible.
This will be the main reason why they feel safe enough to express their true-self. If they found it hard to handle what was taking place within them, they would have to put their own needs to one side.
When one experiences life in this way, they are going to have to neglect most of their needs; their need to settle themselves down will be what takes precedence. To do this, one can end up doing what other people want (or what they think they want).
So, even if they spend time with someone who doesn’t have the desire to control them, it might not matter. One is going to be focused on other people’s needs, and this will cause them to ignore most of their own.
The people in their life are going to serve one purpose and one person only: to stop them from being overwhelmed by their own emotions. What this means is that the people in their life might not be right for them.
One might not have a lot in common with these people, or they could spend time with people who are abusive. Their career might not be any better, that’s if they have one; yet they could work somewhere that feels comfortable.
The Pay Off
Their true-self is not going to see the light of day and this will mean that their life that is not going to be very fulfilling. The trouble is that unless they are able to change what is taking place within them, their life is unlikely to change.
Ultimately, one is going to be emotionally dependent on other people, and this is why they experience life in this way. The only way that they can handle their emotions is if they are with someone else.
The Right Match
Being with people who are controlling or abusive is going to cause them harm, but it will be what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Firstly, someone like this can come across as being larger than life, and they can be all-consuming.
One is then going to believe that they have met someone who will complete them, and that they won’t feel abandoned again. Secondly, their childhood years may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have set them up to feel comfortable with this kind of behaviour.
Through being treated in this way, it would have stepped them from being able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions. They will also be carrying the trauma that they experienced during this time.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.