True Self: Is The Fear Of Abandonment Causing You To Hide Your True Self?

How someone comes across is not always in alignment with who they are and while this could be something that happens from time to time, it could be a regular occurrence. This then means that their true self is being covered up from time to time or it is something that always takes place.

If this is something that happens from time to time, it could be seen as part of life. It is not going to be possible for one to always be themselves; there will be moments when one will have to put on an act or at least to hide how they feel.

This is not to say that one is out to deceive others, it is simply part of living in the modern-day world. It can all depend on what is happening externally and what is taking place within them.

Different Environments

When one is around people who accept them, it is going to give them the chance to show their true self. The only thing that will stop them from being able to do this is if they have inner blocks.

It then might not matter whether they are around the right people or not, as what is going on internally is getting in the way. However, providing one does feel comfortable with themselves, they are likely to reveal their true self to their friends, family and partner, for instance.

In The World

This is going to be important because it is not always going to be possible for one to reveal what is going on for them to everyone they meet in the ‘real world’. At times, they will need to hide how they feel and to act in ways that go against their true needs.

As they are unable to be authentic, it is going to create frustration, but it is also going to be for a good reason. If one was to always act how they wanted or to reveal their feelings, it could put their survival at risk on one hand and on the other; it could cause them to experience unnecessary responses.

Protection

Therefore, playing a role from time to time doesn’t mean that one is living a lie or out to manipulate others; it means that they are aware of what would happen if they didn’t take these steps to protect themselves.

If one said that the world is unsafe and that they are not accepted by others, it would be the same as saying that the world is completely safe and that one is accepted by everyone. There are going to be places where it is unsafe and there will be people out there who are unable to offer their acceptance.

The Logical Approach

So as a result of this, it is not going to be possible for one to always reveal who they are. This is why it is going to be important for one to feel comfortable with themselves so that they can be live a life that is defined by what is true for them and not what isn’t.

The stronger one is, the easier it will be for them to be who they are and this will allow them to attract experiences where they can be themselves. And as time passes, they could find that their life has more moments where they are authentic than it has moments where they are not.

The ideal

Yet, while the ideal will be for one to live a life where they are able to reveal their true self to the people they are close to, this is not how everyone experiences life. It then might not matter whether one is in the ‘real world’ or if they are with their friends or family.

The people they are with could be different, but the way they behave is the same. How they behave is defined by others and who they are really is going to remain hidden.

Out of Touch

Their attention is going to be on others and this could mean that their needs and feelings are a mystery. If this is the case, they might not even realise that they are out of touch with themselves.

Being who others want them to be or who they think they want them to be is then normal and the only thing they know. There is also the chance that one is aware of the fact they are playing a role, yet, as they are unable to be themselves, it won’t matter who they are with.

Two Sides

On one side, one might not feel that it is safe for them to be who they are and this stops them from expressing themselves. And on the other, they might not feel safe but even if they did feel safe, it doesn’t mean they will be able to be themselves.

The reason they don’t feel safe could come down to the fear of abandonment. Once this fear has been dealt with for some people, they will be on their way, but there will be others who need more.

Abandonment

When one has a fear of being abandoned, it is likely to mean that they were neglected during their early years. This would have been a time where their needs were ignored and as one was emotionally dependent at this age, it would have created a lot of pain.

Being left during this time would have felt like death and this is because one didn’t have the ability to regulate their emotions. So time passes, but the emotional experiences of the past will have remained within one’s body.

As An Adult

If one is unaware of what happened during their childhood they might not understand why they act as they do. What happened all those years ago then ends up creating conflict and stops one from being able to be themselves.

It doesn’t matter that one can’t be abandoned as an adult; as their body is going to cause them to experience life as they did all those years ago. And until these emotional experiences have been processed, their life is not going to change.

Awareness

However, if one was neglected, it could also mean that they need to be affirmed as an adult. This will allow them to connect to their feelings and needs and to develop a sense of self.

The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group will allow one to grieve their unmet childhood needs. They will also provide the affirmation that they missed out on all those years go.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/