Being able to trust is an important part of life. And this not only relates to trusting other people, it also relates to trusting oneself. Having trust in life, is another expression of this. This could be trusting in some kind of god for some and for others it could simply be a sense of trust in life. Or what is known as faith to some people.
Trust In Others
For some people trusting others is a way of life and something that is rarely questioned. Whether it is a close friend, family member, or a spouse for example; the same outcome will be expected.
This trust will often extend to people who they haven’t seen before and are not very familiar with. People who are classed as ‘strangers’ will generally be expected to be trust worthy; this is not to say that they are naive.
It is just that due to the expectations that they have, others are expected to be trustworthy. And if something were to happen, to lead to the opposite being true, these people will often dismiss it and put it down to being a one off.
Trust In Oneself
By having trust in oneself it will lead to an inner belief and that the decisions and actions one takes will often be for the best. If this is not the case and something doesn’t go to plan, an acceptance and understanding will be felt within.
It is unlikely to result in one feeling a sense of failure and inner doubt. The experience will not become generalised and turned into one no longer trusting themselves.
Trust In Something Else
Having a sense of trust in something else is a normal experience for many people. And even though this other thing cannot necessarily be touched or seen doesn’t matter. One can feel more at ease and have a deeper sense of connection through trusting in what is not visible to the five senses.
At its strongest influence, this is what guides their day to day experiences and the actions that they take. And through this connection, they feel that they are not alone and are always looked after. Often described as what religion is or what spirituality is all about. However, there is no right or wrong, only what one feels is true.
Distrust In Others
Now, for people who don’t trust others, the idea of trusting others could sound not only irresponsible, but also dangerous. Other people could be seen as unreliable and, given the chance, will only take advantage.
This is not simply limited to the ‘strangers’ and all those they are familiar with; people who are close to them may also be kept under a watchful eye. Their expectations are likely to be based on people being distrustful.
If situations arise that go against this point of view, they may well be ignored, dismissed or interpreted as being one offs.
Distrust In Oneself
As result of not trusting oneself, it could mean that one always looks outside for reassurance and guidance. This could then lead to being dependent on other people’s advice. By doubting their judgements and ideas; self sabotage is another potential outcome.
To others this may be seen as negative and that one should believe in themselves. However, this may seem to be the only way that is possible.
And if they were to trust in themselves and what they did ended up going wrong, it would be taken personally. It would be generalised and as an example of why one can’t trust themselves.
Distrust In Something Else
The thought of trusting in something else and letting go to this source can be met with resistance. One may doubt that this other source exists or that it can be trusted.
Doing everything by oneself may appear to be the only way that anything can be done. To let go and trust in something else, may be interpreted as a sign of weakness and lead to one not getting what they want.
Giving up control may be seen as equal to being controlled. And that as soon as this happens, one will feel that they have no choice.
These areas of trust can affect people differently. One person may trust in themselves and not trust in others. Or trust in others but not themselves. It maybe that one trusts in something else and not other people and many other combinations.
Consequences - Trust
The person who trusts is going to have a completely difference experience to the person who doesn’t trust. Trusting others will lead to having deeper and richer relationships with others. One will feel more at peace with others and this will lead to more happiness and joy being experienced.
Being able to oneself will also lead to more happiness; as through trusting oneself, living ones truth will be possible. One will know when they are on course and when they are not. This will lead to a sense of self esteem and personal power.
Being able to let go of control and trust at certain times, will enable one to work with life as opposed to trying to force life all the time. This can lead to ones outcomes being achieved with less effort and energy.
Consequences - Distrust
For the person who doesn’t trust in others, life is inevitably going to be a lot harder. One will have to do more work that is necessary and all because one cannot trust others.
Living to ones truth will rarely be possible and one will be forced to follow what other people say or don’t say. The choice to do what one feels is right, will not be an option; apart from on the odd occasion. One is also unlikely to have a sense of their personal power either.
And if one feels that they have to do everything themselves and that there is no other source to assist them, it will create a lot of struggle, frustration and pain. One may also feel that they are alone and are isolated in this world.
What is clear is that these are two very different perceptions. One perception will lead to more happiness and fulfilment. And the other to a higher chance of unhappiness and lack of fulfilment.
The defining factor in how trust worthy one is or is not usually comes down to what ones childhood was like.
It is during these early years that one comes to conclude whether other people can be trusted; if one can trust themselves and how one feels about trusting in the unseen. The quality of one’s early care and whether it was primarily empathic on unempathic care will make a big difference.
If ones caregivers were aware and empathic to ones needs, this would have allowed a functional attachment to occur.
Here one would begin to form a sense of trust in being able to rely on others. And providing ones caregivers allowed for one to separate and explore; it would likely lead to self trust being formed.
The thought of letting go and trusting in the unseen would also be more likely to be accepted. And this would be due to the first description; with the memory of being able to rely on ones caregivers supporting the belief that were one to let go and trust in the unseen - one would not be let down.
On the other hand, if ones caregivers were umepathic and generally denied ones needs; ones attachment style would not be functional.
Trusting in others would make one feel uncomfortable and fearful. And if ones caregivers didn’t allow one to separate and explore, it could have lead to one not developing a connection to their instincts and being able to trust themselves.
How their caregivers were, would then be projected onto an unseen power. Letting go may then be interpreted as being controlled and having no choice.
It may have also been a one of event and based on the trauma of having no one there to take care of one’s needs, one was deeply wounded.
The ego mind has formed associations around trust. And the early experiences that one has, helped to create these associations. This means that the ego has held onto them because they are familiar and not because they are functional.
In order to trust, these associations need to be made aware of and released. Because the ego mind will interpret situations based on these associations; project the past onto the present and attract experiences that validate these memories.
And all because they are what is classed as familiar to the ego mind. As to what assistance one needs with this will depend on how much of a challenge this is. A therapist or someone similar may be required. Or some focused reading and then changes in ones behaviour may be enough.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.