If someone wasn’t treated like they were wanted during their formative years, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this now that they are an adult. Yet, if this is not something that they are aware of, what took place is still likely to have a big impact on how they experience life.
What can be normal is for them to spend a lot of time on the outside, so to speak. This is not to say that they won’t have any friends but what it does mean is that they can spend a lot of time by themselves.
There is a chance that they won’t have had an intimate relationship, or if they have had at least one, they might not have been treated very well. This may have been a time when they often felt ignored, unloved, and worthless and as though they didn’t matter.
Perhaps their partner cheated on them once or a number of times, with them feeling very low and deeply hurt as a result. Either way, this would have been a time when they often felt rejected and as though their partner didn’t really want to be with them.
A Different Scenario
Along with this, they may have been with at least one person who did treat them well but this came to an end before long. This would have been a time when they were often seen and heard and felt valued.
One or a number of things may have happened and it might have gradually fallen apart. After the dust had settled, however, they might have looked back and wondered why it ended.
What may have entered their mind is that it simply wasn’t meant to be and that, if it was supposed to last, it would have. This is not to say that they wouldn’t have experienced a lot of pain when it ended, though.
They may have experienced a deep sense of loss and fallen into a very deep emotional hole. After the days, weeks and months passed by, they might have gradually returned to how they were before, or close to it.
If they have thought about this relationship, what might have entered their mind is that being with someone who loved and appreciated them didn’t feel completely comfortable. This is then what they wanted but they were unable to fully embrace it.
In addition to this, there could be times when they think about how they don’t deserve to be with someone like this. Therefore, this part of them is going to make it hard for them to experience what they both desire and deserve.
A Common Theme
When it comes to how they experience life, regardless of if they by themselves, are at work, with friends, family or in a social setting, what could often be at the back of their mind is they don’t belong. So, even if another person or a group of people make it clear, in big and small ways that they are welcome and they want them to be here, this won’t matter.
As opposed to having the right to be on this earth and to have their needs met, then, they will be like an intruder that has broken into a house and is not welcome or worthy of anything. If this is something that they are accustomed to and are not fully aware of, there will be no reason for them to step back and take a closer look.
What’s going on?
If this is how someone has experienced life for as long as they can remember and doesn’t feel connected to their fellow human beings or as though they deserve to be here, it could be due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were often neglected and thereby deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.
Ultimately, their parent or parents wouldn’t have treated them as though they were wanted, valued, loved and belonged. This would have been a time when they often felt unwanted, worthless, unloved, rejected and alone.
A Brutal Time
The pain and hurt that they experienced as a result of being treated in this way would have ended up being repressed, with them shutting down and disconnecting from themselves in the process. This would have been their only option as they were powerless and totally dependent.
When it comes to why they were treated in this way, it had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their parent or parents. Their parent or parents might have also been treated in the same way during their formative years and ended up passing on what was done to them.
More to it
Also, if this is what they did experience throughout their early years, it doesn’t mean that this is the first stage of their life when they felt unwanted. This could be a continuation of how they felt long before they were a child, toddler or an infant.
When they were in their mother’s womb, this might have been how they felt or the state that they were in by picking up on what was going on for her. This could show that their mother was going through a challenging time with their father and/or that she wasn’t ready to have a child or didn’t want another child.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.