What someone may find, that’s if they were to reach out for external support, is that they have what is classed as a ‘victim mentality’. This is what they could be told if they were to open up about what is going on for them and how they experience life.
When it comes to what is going on for them, they may see themselves as someone who has no effect on their life. Other people are then going to be in control of what does, or doesn’t happen to them.
Naturally, this is likely to mean that they will be used to feeling powerless, helpless and hopeless. Not only this, they can carry a lot of anger, rage, frustration and resentment.
They may believe that the only way for them to get what they want is by manipulating others. However, as the world, and the people in it, will have held them back over the years, they may see themselves as being entitled to whatever it is that they want.
The Point of Focus
Now, after being diagnosed as having this mentality, they could be told that they need to change their mentality to change their life. This will be seen as the way for them to embrace their inherent power and to create a fulfilling existence in the process.
Here, one will be looking into what they believe, the thoughts that they have and how they behave. Changing their beliefs, having more positive and rational thoughts, and behaving in more productive ways can be seen as what will allow them to move forward.
A Few Outcomes
Through undertaking this process, it might be possible for them to gradually phase this mentality out. This doesn’t mean that it will be a linear process, though, as there could be moments when they will fall back on old ways of seeing, thinking, feeling and behaving.
Then again, this approach might not work or, if it does, it might only be a matter of time before they are where they started. Something could take place and they could revert to what they were like before.
Cutting of the Weeds
If this approach does work, there is still the chance that it has simply caused one to repress their true feelings. This is because they will have only focused on what is taking place up top (their mind) and overlooked what is taking place down below (their body).
Nonetheless, if they were assisted by someone who believes that it is all about the mind and that their thoughts always create their feelings, there will be no reason for one to focus on their body. This mind-centric view, a view that doesn’t take into account that human beings also have an emotional body, often causes only the symptoms of a problem to be dealt with.
If their mentality was seen as a symptom, as opposed to the primary issue, it would open up the opportunity for them to get to the root of their problem. Also, it would be easier to be more understanding and compassionate towards them.
This, in turn, could make it easier for one to be compassionate towards themselves. Unsurprisingly, if they are told that there is no reason for them to be this way, it would be normal for them to be hard on themselves.
Back In Time
So, this mentality could be a consequence of them being in a deeply traumatised state, with this being the result of what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis.
Thus, this would have been a stage of their life when they felt, and were, powerless and helpless, and the people around them would have been against them. They wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on or to leave this extremely toxic environment.
A Natural Outcome
Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but what happened will still be affecting their life. There will be the impact that it had on their brain and nervous system, and their mental and emotional body.
As they are in a traumatised state, their whole system will be responding to life in the same way as it did all those years ago. This will stop them from being able to realise that what took place is over and they are no longer powerless.
Drawing the Line
With this in mind, it is clear to see why solely focusing on what is taking place up top is not always going to solve this challenge. If someone is in a very bad way, playing around with their mind is not going to cut it.
This will just be a waste of time and energy, and it could even cause one to feel invalidated. And, if they are in a deeply traumatised state and carry a lot of toxic shame, this will be the last thing that they need.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Lastly, while what took place caused them to suffer, it would have come to be associated as familiar and therefore what is safe by their mind. Thanks to this, a big part of them can want their life to stay the same, even though experiencing life in this way is not serving them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.