While there are some people who feel like a victim from time to time, there are others who pretty much always feel this way. When one can relate to the former, it is unlikely to be something that will have an effect on how they see themselves.
But if it does have an effect on how they see themselves, there is the chance that this won’t be something that will last for very long. For example, something could take place in their life and then they could end up feeling as though the world is against them.
Or this could also be an outlook that arises if one was to go through a bad patch in their life. Nevertheless, they are not going to be pulled into the experience, and it will then be possible for them to return to how they were before.
A Way of Life
On the other hand, this is not going to be the case when one more or less always feels like a victim. In this case, it is likely to have an effect on how they see themselves, and this is going to be an identity that influences their whole life.
Through being this way, one is going to be used to having experiences in their life that have a negative effect on how they feel. But even if they don’t, it is not going to mean that they will feel good about themselves.
When it comes to their emotional state, it is going to be normal for them to feel helpless, and as though they have no control over their life. There life is then not going to be very fulfilling, but there is not going to be anything that they can do about it.
This can then mean that one will have to use other ways to experience control, and this can take place through looking for attention. By talking about how they experience life, it could cause other people to be drawn to them.
These people could then see them as someone who needs to be rescued, and they will be only too happy to fulfil their needs. Through having an effect on these people, one can feel as though they finally have an effect on their environment.
However, what these people can also do is to take advantage of them in some way, and one will then end up feeling like they did before they came into contact with them. What this can come down to is that one can attract people who are controlling or smothering, for instance, and this will stop them from being able to express themselves.
Therefore, one is going to be used to having relationships with people who are only too happy to take advantage of them. So while people can be attracted to how one comes across in the beginning, they can end up being repelled by how they come across as time goes by.
What this can also show is that although these kinds of people act as though they want to help them, this is nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, this can be a way for these people to get their own needs met, and when this doesn’t happen, the resentment will gradually start to build-up within them.
Along with what happens in their personal relationships, there is also going to be what happens in their career. But if one is not at this stage yet and they are still in the education system, it could still be somewhere that causes them to suffer.
One could believe that other people are treated better, or that certain employees are against them. If one is still a student, they could say that their lecturers don’t like them, or that their fellow students are out to get them.
A New Experience
However, no matter what area of life is in question, it is unlikely that it will bring them a lot of fulfilment. But as they feel powerless, it could be said that that this is to be expected.
In order for one to experience life differently, it will be important for them to feel as though they have the ability to do so. Without this inner strength, they will continue to experience life in the same way.
Yet if they were to come across someone who told them that they are not a victim and that they do have control over their life, it doesn’t mean that it would have an impact on them. And even if one was to come to realise this for themselves, they could still find it hard to accept.
If one was to think about this, it could cause them to feel unconformable, and this could show that they only know how to function when they feel as though they are a victim. It is then not just how they behave; it is seen as a reflection of who they are.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is not much of a surprise, as it is likely to be how they have experienced life for quiet some time. This could be a sign that something happened in their adult years that caused them to feel helpless and as though they have no control, or it could go back to their childhood.
If it goes back to what took place during the beginning of their life, it would explain why one only knows who they are when they act like a victim. This is likely to be a time where they were a victim, and this could be because they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s.
This would then have meant that their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and they would have had no other choice than to feel like a victim. At first, it would have been an experience, and then as time passed, it would have become an identity.
Time has then passed, but one still has the same outlook, and this is why they continue to experience life in the same way as they did when they were younger. Yet as they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed in order to develop a sense of self, it is not going to be possible for them to simply create a new identity.
One’s is life is going to be an expression of their false-self, and this is why they are suffering unnecessarily. Once they get in touch with their true-self, they will begin to realise that they are not a victim.
For this to take place, it will be important for one to work through the pain that is within them, and for them to receive the positive regard that they missed out on as a child. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.