Victim Mentality: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Victimised By Others?

It could be said that that are moments in everyone’s life when things don’t go to plan, or something ‘bad’ happens. This is just part of life and not something that can be changed.
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A Different Reality

However, while there will be plenty of people who will be able to relate to this, there are going to be others who experience life difference. Consequently, they are not going to have the odd challenge to deal with; their whole life will be a challenge.

If they were to look back on their life, this could be how it has been for as long as they can remember. Due to what one has experienced, they could believe that the whole world is against them.

Support

When it comes to the people who they spend time with, they could also experience life in the same way. Spending time with these people is not going to change their life, but it will make it easier for them to tolerate what is going on.

For example, one could talk about what has happened to them that day and, once they have finished talking, the other person could talk about what they have been through. Their time together is then going to be spent talking about each others problems.

A Helping Hand

One may also have people around them who experience life differently, and they could try to change their life. So, if one has a problem, one of these people could do whatever they can to help them.

The kind of help that they offer them is likely to depend on what the problems is. If one has just been treated badly by someone, for instance, they could offer to go and have a go at this person.

All Areas

And regardless of what area of their life they focus on, they are likely to become aware of something bad that has happened to them recently. If they were to think about their career, they may start to think about how badly their boss and/or their colleagues treat them.

There may have been taken advantage of at work on a number of occasions, and this might not be the first place where this has happened. The last job they had might have been just the same.

Relationships

If they are in a relationship with someone, this could be an area of their life that takes a lot out of them. One could be with someone who verbally and/or physically abuses them, and this is going to make it hard for them to feel good about themselves.

Instead of being with someone who lifts them up and nourishes their soul, they will be with someone who undermines them. Yet, even if one was to end the relationship, it doesn’t mean they would end up with someone who is different.

The Same Old Story

The last person they were with might not have treated them any better; if fact, they might have treated them ever worse. And if they were to go back ever further, they might see that they have all been the same.

Through having these experiences, one might believe that it would be better for them to stay single. This might work for a little while and then they could end up being draw to someone else.

A Victim

One way of looking at this would be to say that other people have got it in for them, and that there is nothing they can do about this. They are powerless and the only thing they can do is to put up with what is taking place.

And based on how they experience life, it could be said that it will be normal for them to have this outlook. But even though this can be seen as the truth; ultimately, it is nothing more than a perspective.

Two Parts

If one was told that they are not a victim and that they have played a part in what has happened to them, it could cause them to experience rage. In their eyes, this will be seen as something that is out of their control.

Nevertheless, even though this is not how the conscious part of them wants to experience life, it doesn’t mean that the unconscious part of them is the same. At a deeper level, this is likely to be what feels comfortable.

Conflict

Part of them wants one thing and another part of them wants something else, and the part that has the most influence is the part that they are unaware of. And as they are unaware of what is taking place at a deeper level, it sets them up to see themselves as a victim.

One is then an observer of what is taking place and there is nothing that they can do about it. What can allow them to understand why this feels comfortable is for them to look into what took place when they were younger.

A Deeper Look

How they feel as an adult is likely to have been how they felt during their early years, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. At this time, one would have been a victim - they wouldn’t have been able to do anything.

This would have caused them to believe that they are worthless and that they don’t have any control over their life, and it world have stopped them for developing boundaries. And although being treated in this way would have caused them to suffer, it would have been what felt safe.

Awareness

Thus, the reason why they are attracted to (and attract) people who victimise them is because this is what feels safe. The part of them that feels comfortable with being treated in this way is not concerned about whether something is healthy or unhealthy; it is only concerned about whether something is familiar.

When something is familiar, it is associated as being what is safe by the ego mind. This is why self-awareness is so important, as it will give one the ability to change their life; without it, one is nothing more than a slave to their conditioning.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk