In today’s world, it is not uncommon to come across someone who has a victim mentality. And while it would be easy to believe that this is kind of mentality that someone has if they are not doing well in life, this is not always the case.
For example, plenty of people who go to university - somewhere where not everyone has the chance to go - have this outlook. The opportunity that they have been given to learn and to develop themselves is then not going to be recognised, as they will be too caught up in how ‘oppressed’ they are.
When someone is in this position, they are likely to see themselves as a victim due to what they have been told by their lectures. As a result of this, one can experience a sense of virtue by seeing themselves as someone who has no control over their life.
Certain people, people who belong to a certain group, will be seen as the ones who have all the control. Someone like this is then going to see themselves as nothing more than an observer of their life.
However, there are also going to be people who don’t go to university, who believe that their life is out of their control. This may mean that they have been in the past or they might plan to go in the future; then again, this might not interest them.
Either way, they are not going to feel empowered, and it can then be normal for them to feel down and depressed. Yet, if they haven’t been to university and conditioned to see everything through lens of identity politics, they might not have a strong sense of being morally superior.
At the same time, if someone is used to being with people who are abusive, they could see themselves as ‘good’ and these people as ‘bad’. Their life can then be full of drama, and this can allow them to receive a lot of attention.
Therefore, although they will believe that they have no effect on their reality, they will still be able to drawn people to them. It can then be as though they don’t feel comfortable receiving attention in a healthy manner, which is why they have to experience bad things in order for this to take place.
A Number of Benefits
In addition to the attention that they receive, there will be the approval that they are given by the same people. One can then end up being even more convinced that the world is against them.
These people are likely to believe that they are helping this person, but in reality, they are likely to be doing more harm than good. Instead of encouraging this person to look into why their life is the way it is, they will telling them in one way or another that they are indeed victims.
A Dysfunctional Dynamic
Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is a reason why someone would go along with this, and that it is not because they want to help them. If they truly wanted to help them, they would encourage them to see how they are having an effect on their life and then to take responsibility for it.
What this can show is that someone like this only experiences a sense of control when they are around people that don’t. Rescuing others is then not only going to be a way for them to feel empowered, it will be part of their identity.
Deep down, this person is also likely to feel powerless and this has then given them the need to come across as strong and capable. So, if they were to change their behaviour, they might soon have to face up to how they feel at a deeper level.
Another way of looking at this would be to say the rescuer and the person who needs to be rescued are two sides of the same coin - two people who lack a strong sense of themselves. They are both going to be emotionally undeveloped and this is why they are unable to act like interdependent human beings.
Additionally, when one believes that they have no control over their life, they are going to be oblivious to the impact that their thoughts, beliefs, feelings are having on their reality. Their behaviour is also going to be overlooked and not seen as something that affects their life.
If this is the case, there is the chance that one is stuck in their head and out of touch with their body. Thus, through being out of touch with what is taking place within them, it is going to stop them from being able to see how their outer world often mirrors their inner world.
The people who they come into contact with are going to mirror back what they believe, but it will be as though they are just an observer; one is then not playing a part in how they experience life. Ultimately, one is going to be victimised by their own beliefs.
If one is out of touch with their inner world and experiencing life in this way is what feels comfortable, it could mean that they have experienced trauma. Being in their body is then going to be too painful and, if this feels comfortable, being an empowered human being could be associated as something that would put their life at risk.
This could be the result of what has happened in their adult life and/or it could go back to what happened when there were growing up. Perhaps this was time when they were abused and/or neglected.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.