When one gets to the end of their day, they might look back on what has happened, and this could be a time when they will see what good and bad things have taken place. Even so, they could believe that this is simply part of life.
One Step Further
If they were to engage in this process for a week, they may find that there are other days that have a blend of good and bad experiences. And the same thing is also likely to occur if they did this for a month.
Having said that, there is the chance that one won’t label each experience as being either good or bad. Instead, they could see how certain experiences have challenged them and are forcing them to grow.
And if they were to see that a number of experiences have had a negative effect on them, they might look into why his keeps happening. This will give them the chance to do something about it.
For example, one could find that they have the tendency to come into contact with people who try to walk over them. So, by taking a step back and looking what part they are playing in all this, there will be no reason for them to see themselves as a victim.
If, on the other hand, they were to perceive themselves in this way, it is highly unlikely that their life would change. They would have no other choice than to put up with what is taking place and to blame others.
As a result of this, this area of their life (as well as many others) would be in other people’s hands, so to speak, and there wouldn’t be anything they could do to change it. It could be said that one will have the right approach when they can take a step back and see why something negative is happening to them.
A Different Outlook
When one responds to life in this way, it is going to be clear that they don’t see themselves as being powerless. One might see that even though they don’t have control over everything, that doesn’t mean that they have no control.
It is then through focusing on what they can control that allows them to experience a sense of empowerment. This is naturally going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing, and it will cause them to believe that they can achieve their goals.
In addition to this, there is likely to be what they have already achieved through having this outlook. There could be a number of areas in their life that are going as they would like them to go, with a few that need more attention.
But even if this is not the case, they are going to have the inner belief to do something about it. If someone was to look at how they experience life, they could see them as being ‘lucky’; that’s if they don’t know anything about them.
An Inaccurate Conclusion
Due to how this person has perceived them, it is going to stop them from being able to realise that there is a reason why one experiences life in this way. There is how they perceive themselves on one hand and there is how this causes them to behave on the other.
Yet, if someone is close to them, they will be only too aware of the fact that one is not ‘lucky’. They will see that what it taking place externally is the result of what is taking place within them, and their life could be the same.
However, there are plenty of people on this planet who see themselves differently, and it is then going to be normal for them to see themselves as a victim. Consequently, other people are going to be seen as having power over them.
This is going to mean that one has no other choice than to tolerate the bad things that happened, and the only way their life will change is if other people do. Based on this, their life is unlikely to get better; in fact, it is likely to get a lot worse as time goes by.
At the same time, it would be wrong to say that there won’t be any benefits to behaving in this way. It could be said that these benefits won’t be as good as the ones they would receive if they saw themselves differently, but they will still have a positive effect on their life.
After all, if one didn’t get anything from being a victim, there would be no reason for them to act like one; this is what is often described as ‘secondary gain’. So no matter how destructive it is for them to behave in this way, it is giving them something (or a number of things).
Now, this is not to say that one is aware of what this is; it could be something that they have no awareness of. Through acting a like a victim, one may find that it allows them to experience control in an indirect manner.
People can end up feeling sorry for them, and this will give them the chance to receive attention, sympathy and a number of other resources. Ultimately, one will be manipulating others through coming across as a victim.
If they were to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they feel powerless. And even though feeling this way is not serving them, it is likely to be what feels safe.
What this can show is that one believes that the only way for them to survive is to act like a victim. Changing their behaviour it will be seen as something that will put their survival at risk.
This could be a sign that one is carrying trauma, and this could be something they experienced during their early years. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregiver’s.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.