There is nothing like a good victim story to get people’s attention. The media routinely covers a certain event or situation where one person or a group of people are labelled as victims. And based on what happens in these situations, it is often very difficult to disagree with the description.
Sometimes these stories relate to what the average guy on the street has done and at other times, it can be about what a person of authority has done. So governmental figures, people of wealth and status and other socially elevated individuals.
At a personal level, this can include: what fiends have or haven’t done; what ones lover has or hasn’t done and what ones family has or hasn’t done. And then slightly further out it can include colleagues and mangers.
The meaning of a victim on google.co.uk is - 1. A person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. 2. A person who is tricked or duped: "the victim of a hoax".
And so if one has a victim mentality they must constantly feel harmed and injured. It is then not an experience that they have from time to time, but a state of mind.
To feel like a victim from time to time is probably fairly normal. Things happen and one will not always get what they want or things won’t go to plan and so one may feel slightly or even extremely victimised.
But this will be an experience that soon passes in most cases. And then there are other people who do not have this experience on the odd occasion, they have it on a regular bases. It has become as familiar as breathing to them.
A General Outlook
So although this could relate to just one area of life, it can also go on to be a factor in all areas of one’s life. Here, one could feel victimised by: society, in their relationships, where they work and even by healthcare professionals.
Or one may just have one area of life where they continually feel hard done by and down trodden. And because this is how they feel on the inside, they will always be drawn to external examples of people who are in the same position.
This will give them a sense of validation and acknowledgment. One will be able to feel that they are not alone in their pain and struggle and that other people are going through the same thing. It may also give one a sense of relief to see other people suffering and that they are not the only one.
And when certain authority figures or people in power end up being victimised, this might make one feel a sense of revenge. And that some form of pay back is taking place.
This is why victim stories in the media are so popular and why they receive so much exposure; as they mirror how so many people feel in the world.
There is going to be two levels to this experience. One is going to feel angry and then there will be the other expressions of anger that occur. These can be: hate, revenge, resentment and rage. And these are clear signs that some kind of compromise has taken place.
Through feeling this way one is able to avoid what is going on at a deeper level. Anger is often used as a form or protection and as an alert that one is being taken advantage of.
Underneath the anger and its other forms will be a sense of being powerless and having no control. One may feel that they have been violated.
Someone with a victim mentality may feel that this is how life is and that they have no control over what is taking place. The mind can make one believe that they are just observing these situations and that this is all happening randomly.
But the real answers as to why one keeps finding themselves in these situations will be found in the body. At a deeper level this is what the ego mind has come to associate as familiar and therefore safe. And so even though this is causing one to experience endless suffering and pain, it is what the ego feels comfortable with.
There could have been a time in ones later life when one felt victimised, but it is usually due to what happened as a child. It is during these early moments that will often define whether one feels like a victim or not.
The ideal is to have a caregiver that was empathic and emotionally available. Here ones needs and wants would generally be met. And ones emotions and feelings would be acknowledged and regulated in most cases.
But in some cases this doesn’t happen and this can be due to having a caregiver that was unempathic, emotionally unavailable and out of tune. So ones needs and wants would have been ignored in most cases. And during times of emotionally unrest and unease, one would have been left to become overwhelmed by their emotions.
These are general guidelines of course, but they are a rough idea of what can happen. So if one had an unempathic caregiver, there is a higher change that one will end up feeling that they have no control and are powerless. And to feel like a victim would be a natural consequence.
Because if a caregiver is out of touch with their own needs and emotions it will be normal for them to ignore and deny their child’s needs and wants. The child could then end up being used to fulfil their needs and wants.
On one side of the spectrum this could be fairly harmless and not lead to too many challenges, but on the other it could involve mild to extreme abuse. And if this takes place it is only natural that one will come to see themselves as a victim; because the person or people who were meant to care for them and protect them, ended up taking advantage of them.
The feelings and emotions that one experienced during these times of being taken advantage of, one would have been pushed them out of awareness. While one may have felt this way toward a caregiver, they still needed them to survive. So there existence had to be denied.
And ones ego mind would have come to associate these experiences as being familiar and therefore safe.
So even though they were painful or even traumatic, they came to be known as normal and what to expect from others. And this means that one will continually end up in situations that validate these early experiences because this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level.
It would be easy to say that people with a victim mentality need to think positive or change how they think. But while this approach deals with the mind, it doesn’t deal with what’s taking place in the body.
The feelings that have remained in the body since those early moments will have to be released. One needs to grieve what happened and then it will go. And as these feelings are released, ones tendency to feel like a victim will start to alleviate and as this happens ones reality will change.
This can be done through the assistance of a therapist or a healer; who will allow one to get in touch with their feelings and release them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.