Vulnerability: Can Someone Have A Fear Of Being Vulnerable If They Had A Highly Critical Parent?

Even though someone is not a superhero who is unable to be affected by life, they can come across as though this is the case. As a result of this, it can be as though they are unaffected by life.

They are then not going to have moments when they come across as hurt, sad or down, for instance. Still, this is not to say that they will consciously do what they can to create the impression that very little if anything bothers them.

The Norm

If they are not consciously choosing to be this way, it will show that hiding how they feel is something that automatically takes place. Thus, they are unlikely to even be aware of how they feel.

If so, it is likely to show that they don’t have a good relationship with their emotional self. As opposed to being rooted in their body, they can spend most of their time living up top, so to speak.

Hidden

Not being connected to and able to express how they feel, is likely to have a negative impact on their relationships. The reason for this is that it is by them expressing how they feel that other people will be able to feel close to them.

Without this feedback, it will be a lot harder for them to do this and they won’t know where they stand with them. This is going to be especially true when it comes to an intimate relationship.

Stepping Back

If they were to become aware of how they don’t have a good connection with their feelings and have the need to hide them, they could wonder what is going on. They could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember

Now, if they were to imagine connecting to how they feel and opening up about what is going on for them, this can be a time when they will feel anxious and fearful. They could see that they feel exposed and that it is as if something bad is going to happen.

Confusion

At this point, they could wonder why opening up is seen as being such a risk. Part of them could say that if they were to open up, it is unlikely that anything bad would happen to them.

But, while they may have this rational part of them; another part of them won’t be able to accept this. Nonetheless, although it can be as if there is no need for them to behave in this way, there is a chance that it is perfectly rational for them to be this way.

Back In Time

If they were to think about what their early years were like, they may see that this was a stage when they didn’t feel safe and protected. Instead, they may have felt like a walking target.

This could show that they had at least one parent who was very critical, and they might have undermined them in a variety of other ways, too. By having a parent like this, they would have had the need to hide how they felt and be on guard.

The Priority

If they did express how they felt and showed that they were hurt, sad, down, or scared, they might have ended up being hurt even more. The message would have been sent, both directly and indirectly, that it wasn’t safe for them to be real.

And, as being real would have simply set them up to suffer even more, the only option was to hide what was going on for them. Pretending that very little fazed them would have caused them to experience a lot of pressure and be deprived but it would have been their only option.

An Adaption

Adapting in this way would have allowed them to handle an environment that was anything but loving but, now that they are an adult, it will cause them to deprive themselves. Deep down, they are likely to believe that if they allow themselves to be real, they will be put down, humiliated and hurt again.

What they can keep in mind is that how they were treated was a reflection of how wounded at least one of their parents was. This is why this parent was unable to provide them with the safety; protection and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A New Reality

For them to gradually change their life there is likely to be beliefs for them to question, pain for them to face and work through, and unmet developmental need to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk