It is not uncommon for people to talk about how different they are to their siblings and this can be seen as a surprise, especially if they have the same parents. Due to this difference, it can be as if they had different parents growing up.
One reason that is often put forward when it comes to why two siblings are so different is that their DNA is different. Therefore, even though they were brought up by the same people, they are not the same at a deeper level.
This, then, is the reason why it can appear as though they were brought up by different parents. What this does is create the impression that their parents didn’t play a big part in how they turned out.
A Convenient Answer
If one of their children turned out fine but another one didn’t, it can be very reassuring for their parents to hear this. Their parents might not be willing to look at the impact that they had on their children, so hearing this will be music to their ears.
In other words, believing that their DNA is the reason one of their children is so different to the other will let them off the hook. But while it would be easy to say that the only reason siblings are so different, regardless of if one of them is not very well-adjusted, for instance, it doesn’t mean that there is not more to it.
The Hidden Influence
The fact of the matter is that parents generally treat their children differently from the moment they are born. This doesn’t mean that this is something that they are consciously aware of, though.
Ultimately, every parent has their own baggage, and this baggage influences how they treat their children. A parent’s own issues don’t just magically disappear when they have children, even though they may consciously want to do the best they can for them.
A Big Difference
This is why it has been said that instead of reading books or taking courses on how to bring a child up, it is far better for future parents to face their own wounds. What they learn about through reading books or taking courses can be no match for the wounds that are deep within them.
For example, if a couple has a boy and a girl, they may feel closer to one child than they do to the other. As a result of this, both parents could treat one child better than the other, without being consciously aware of this.
A Closer Look
The father could also be far more lenient with his daughter than with his son, believing that the son doesn’t deserve the same level of protection. The mother, on the other hand, could feel threatened by her daughter at a deeper level, and unconsciously try to hold her back.
But, if a couple ends up having two boys or two girls instead, they may feel a greater affinity to one of their sons/daughters. One son/daughter, for instance, could be more outgoing and boisterous than the other, which could result in them being far more accepting to one of them than they are to the other.
The List is Endless
A mother might not have been able to fulfil much of her potential, which could cause her to put a lot of pressure on her daughter to do well. This could mean that the daughter will grow up to believe that her value is based on what she does and not on who she is, setting her up to struggle with perfectionist tendencies and low self-worth as an adult.
The son, on the other hand, might not have the same expectations, allowing him to just be. He might not achieve as much as time goes by, but he could end up being a lot happier than his sister is.
In addition to how each sibling is treated during their early years, there is also the effect that their birth and their time in the womb had on them. It would be easy to overlook these two stages in someone’s life, yet this would be an oversight.
Each sibling might have no recollection of what their experience was like in the womb or what their birth was like, but that doesn’t mean that these moments in their life are immaterial when it comes to what they are now like. Their mind won’t have been fully developed at these stages of their life, yet their body will most likely be only to aware of what took place.
Oliver James goes into great detail in his book, ‘They F*** You Up’, about how siblings don’t have the same parents. So, if you would like to gain a greater understanding of this, reading this book will assist you.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.