What you may find is that you often behave in ways that don’t benefit you and even harm you. Further, you may find that you there are people in your life who behave in the same way, holding themselves back in the process.
After you have behaved in a way that doesn’t benefit you, you may wonder what was going on. The reason you may wonder what was going on is that you are unlikely to always be aware of the behaviours that are holding you back.
Until you become aware of a certain limiting behaviour, how you behave will just be what is normal. And as it is normal, it will be a behaviour that is just outside of your conscious awareness.
Once you have become aware of a limiting behaviour, then, it could seem as though someone or something else is in control of you. What could make this worse is that even after you become aware of a destructive behaviour, you may find that you continue to behave in the same way.
Just about every area of your life can be impacted by your inability to behave in ways that benefit you. Perhaps your relationships are not very fulfilling or you might find it hard to form close bonds with others.
Or, you might find that you are unable to get very far in your career or you might stop yourself from even having a career. Without the understanding that you are holding yourself back, you would likely believe that you are a powerless victim who is nothing more than an observer of life.
The First Step
Fortunately, you will be in a position where you are able to see that this is not the case and that it is you, not anyone else, who is holding you back. Of course, this is not something that you are consciously doing; it is something that is going on unconsciously.
Now that you are aware of this, the next part will be for you to learn about why you would behave in ways that are holding you back. Ultimately, while how you behave won’t make sense to your conscious mind, this part of you will understand what is going on once you are able to connect to what is taking place at a deeper level.
A Key Understanding
As a human being, your most powerful need will be to stay alive and, anything that is seen as a threat to your survival will be avoided. When it comes to what your being associates as what is safe, it is going to relate to what is familiar.
Interestingly, what is associated as familiar might actually be a threat to your survival. Taking this into account, behaving in a certain way can be seen as essential to your survival and yet it can be the very thing that is making it hard for you to survive and preventing you from thriving.
Back In Time
Still, while behaving in a certain way won’t benefit you now, there was probably a time when it did benefit you. The period of your life when behaving in a certain way did benefit you could have been when you were a small child.
If this is so, as an adult you may have forgotten about what happened but you will still behave in the same way. In other words, what took place will be over but your being will still perceive reality in the same way, which is why you will still behave in the same way.
For example, let’s say that when you were a small child, getting close to your caregiver may have caused you to be harmed. Part of your being would have come to associate getting close to others as something that would cause you to be annihilated.
This would have taken place automatically and through forming this association, it would have kept you alive without needing to think about what to do to each time you were in the company of others. Your being would have made a generalisation and naturally, what took place in the company of one person or a few people wouldn’t apply to everyone, but this is just how this part of your being works.
It is a part of you that is very primitive; it can’t think or reflect on if it has made the right decision. An association would have been formed and this association will have defined how you have perceived reality.
So, irrespective of if your early experiences caused you to associate keeping people at a distance or staying small and not being seen, for instance, as the only way for you to survive, you will now have a clear idea as to what you need to do to experience life differently. What is taking place at this level of your being will need to change for your life to change.
How Can I Serve You?
If you can relate to what I have written and need additional support, one of the ways that I can provide this is through the personalised consultations that I offer via Skype or Zoom.
To find out more, please go to www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/consultations. If you are committed to your own healing, it would be an honour to assist you on your journey.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth