Now that a New Year has just begun, there is a lot being said about goals and making this a year that is unlike any other. This is something that you may have heard online and/or something that the people in your life have spoken about.
When I hear anything like this, it makes me think about something that a good friend of mine asked me a number of years ago. This friend, Wain Gordon, asked me why I wanted to achieve something.
A Deeper Level
It wasn’t that I had never thought about why I wanted to achieve something before; it was that being asked this by someone else was a rarity and not something that I had been asked for a long time. And through having something else ask me this, it allowed me to take an even closer look at why I wanted to achieve something.
After this, it came to see that what I wanted to achieve was due to reasons that I hadn’t deeply thought about before. Therefore, while I thought I knew why I wanted to achieve something, I later found out that I wasn’t fully aware of why this was.
Through shinning the light on what was really driving me, I was able to see that I didn’t really want what I thought I wanted and that there was another way for me to meet the needs that I had. If I hadn’t done this, I would have wasted a lot of time and energy.
Ultimately, there was what was taking place in my conscious mind and what was taking place in my unconscious mind. What was taking place in this hidden part of me was having a big impact on the part of me that wasn’t hidden.
Back To You
Taking this into account, if you just write a goal down or decide to achieve something this year and don’t take the time to look into why this is, you could also waste a lot of time and energy. To do this, you will need to get out of doing mode and to just be, so that you can tune into what is taking place inside you.
Taking action and ‘grabbing life by the horns’ is often seen as the right way to be, but it is an approach that can lead to a lot of frustration and even exhaustion. Stepping back and looking into the why, on the other hand, can be seen as part of being a conscious human being, as opposed to one that is controlled by their needs and impulses – a reactive life.
A Big Influence
If you start to live in this way, what you may find is that a lot of what you want to achieve is a way for you to try to meet the needs that were not met when you were younger. You will no longer be a child and what you want may appear to have very little in common with your early years, but behind all this can be the need to fulfil needs that are very basic.
Your need to be loved, accepted or approved of could be fuelling your goals, as could your need to feel worthy and good enough. You will then be looking for others to give you with what your caregiver/s were unable to give you.
If this is so, this not a time when you need to have a go at yourself; it is just something that you can be aware of and acknowledge. With a deeper understanding of yourself, you will be able to make better decisions.
The needs that were not met when you were younger will probably need to be grieved as this time of your life is over. As you start to work through this pain and your adult self is able to give your child self what it needs, it will be easier for you to connect with what matters to you and for your goals to be in alignment with who you really are.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.