What someone may find, if they were to reflect on their life, is that they feel bad about themselves. This will mean that, deep down; they will feel both guilty and ashamed.
Still, this is not to say that they will always be connected to how they feel, though, as they could have a number of ways to avoid how they feel. Thanks to this, they will have the ability to avoid feeling bad.
To keep their true feelings at bay, they could typically do things that are seen as being ‘good’. So, they could work a lot and spend a lot of time trying to achieve things, do a lot for others, exercise a lot and watch a fair amount of TV.
Then again, they could keep their true feelings at bay by engaging in behaviour that is self-destructive. This could mean that they will drink a lot, take drugs, gamble and/or engage in risky activities.
A Similar Position
Now, if one can relate to the former, they can be seen as a model citizen, and as to how someone should be. If, on the other hand, they can relate to the latter, they can be seen as a destructive member of society and an ‘addict’.
However, beyond all this will simply be someone who is in a lot of pain and needs help. Assuming that one can relate to the former, they may find that no matter how much good they do or what they contribute, they still don’t feel good about themselves or worthy of experiencing good things.
A Black Hole
Consequently, it can be as though they are on a treadmill that they are unable to get off. Staying on the treadmill will be a way for them to finally change how they, while getting off it will cause them to come face to face with how they truly feel.
Living in this way is likely to be exhausting but it can be seen as being better than the alternative. If they were to stop and to be with how they feel, this will be unbearable.
A Low Place
But, most likely they will have moments when they do fall into how they feel, no matter how much they try to avoid how they feel. When this happens or if they were to stop, they can end up feeling very low and even suicidal.
It can be as though the only way for them to change how they feel is to end their time on this planet. They simply won’t feel worthy of being here, being happy, being loved or of living a fulfilling life.
If they do work hard, then, but haven’t been able to get very far in life, it is not going to be a surprise. Even if they are able to make a big step forward, they would probably soon go back to where they were before, or close to it.
There is the chance that they can see that when they have made progress, it hasn’t been long until it has fallen apart. Due to how they feel about themselves, experiencing good things won’t feel right, so they will need to push good things away.
One way to look at this would be to say that there will be what they feel comfortable with and, as soon as their life or one area of their life goes above this level, they will sabotage it. In general, this is likely to be something that will take place unconsciously.
So, they will probably only be able to experience so much happiness, success, support, love and goodness, for instance. It will be as though they have a very small container and once a few raindrops fall into it, it will be full.
If they were to look back on their life, they may see that they have more or less always been this way. And, if they were to ask themselves what it is that they have done that is so bad that they deserve to suffer forever, they might struggle to come up with anything.
At this point, it could be said that they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect during their early years. Through being egocentric, they would have personalised what took place, hence why a sense of badness has permeated their being.
This may or may not have taken place; however, there is the chance that the sense of badness that they carry goes back even further. How they feel could go back to what took place whilst they were in their mother’s womb.
It could be said that this is not possible as they were in an undeveloped state and there is no way that they would have remembered what took place. As a result of this, this stage of their life wouldn’t have impacted them.
A Traumatic Time
With that aside, this may have been a stage of their life when, for whatever reason, they were unable to bond with their mother and to receive the nutrients that they needed. This would have caused them to feel rejected, unloved, unwanted, deeply ashamed and guilty, and there would have also been fear and terror.
Along with this, they may have ended up disconnecting from themselves to handle the pain that they were in. Therefore, by the time that they were born, they would have been in a very bad way.
What this illustrates is that although they feel deeply bad and unworthy of existing or life, this is not the truth. They were in an undeveloped state and personalised what took place but what took place had nothing to do with them.
It was not that they decided to be rejected by their mother or to make her suffer in any way, this was just what happened. In order for them to know this, at the core of their being and to allow good to enter their life, they will need to work through this pain.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.