"You Have To Kill Your Inner Parents!"

At the end of 2016, I could see that I needed to work on my boundaries and to feel better about myself. When it came to the former, this wasn’t just about me saying no; it was also about me listening to my own needs and no longer trying to please others.

As for the latter, I could see that my self-talk wasn’t very supportive or nurturing, and that I felt completely worthless. I would often end up feeling extremely low and it was as though there was nothing I could do to change this.
​
I Had To Keep Going

Nevertheless, part of me wasn’t willing to give up; I believed that the assistance I needed was out there somewhere. A few months after this I ended up getting in touch with a therapist, healer & retreat leader called, Ben Ralston.

Part of me knew that this was someone who I had to work with and this meant that I didn’t need to find out much about him. This is what usually happens before I work with someone; I just get a sense that I need to work with them.

Bottom Up

The information within my body is then what has the biggest effect, as opposed to what is going on in my mind. I think that as my mind only knows what it knows and nothing else, it would be pointless for me to rely purely on my mind.

If my mind knew better, I wouldn’t have had the same problem; I would have been able to think my way out of it. But the life that I was living was the result of what my mind knew at that point in time.

Tuned In

Before my first session with Ben, I was sent a form to fill in; through filling this in, it would allow us to start the session with a clear idea about what to look into and heal. When I spoke about what my challenges were, he understood what I was going through.

It wasn’t that he just listened to what I had to say and came to different conclusions; he had a far greater understanding. He connected to my experience and summed up exactly what it was like for me.

The Goal

During this time, he said that it was about me “killing my inner parents”, and this was something that had a big effect on me. At first, I experienced fear and thought that this was not something that I could do.

What I think he meant by this was that it was about me letting go of the mother and father that existed within me. Through doing this, I would be able to move forward and to see the people who brought me up as just flawed human beings, not as people who were godlike figures.

A New Outlook

For as long as I saw myself as a child, I would be trapped in a role; a role where I didn’t get what I needed. I would then be looking to these people as well as others, to give me what I didn’t receive as a child.

This would have just caused me to continue to feel frustrated, angry, worthless, hopeless and powerless. Ultimately, it was about seeing myself differently and forming a new relationship with the people who had brought me into the world.

Individuation  

By going through this process, it allowed me to develop stronger boundaries and to develop a totally different outlook. This wasn’t easy, but I knew deep down that this needed to take place in order for me to transform my life.

There are a number of other things that Ben has taught me, such as how important the ‘fight instinct’ is when it comes to having boundaries. So, if you would like to find to more about Ben, and the services that he offers, please go to – www.benralston.org.

---

​​​​​​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk