If someone who had a painful childhood was to talk about what took place to another person, they may end up being told that they need to forgive their parents. This could be something that they come out with more or less straight away or it may have taken a while.
Furthermore, one could be told that what they went through is all in the past and now they need to put it behind them. And that if they don’t do this, it will stop them from being able to live a good life.
A Heavy Weight
Thus, in the same way that an anchor will stop a ship from moving forward, their attachment to the past will do the same thing. The sooner they are able to see this, the sooner they will be able to let go of what took place all those years ago.
Forgiving their parents for what happened is going to be essential if they want to let go of the pain that they are in and to experience inner peace. This could be something that takes place directly or they could write a letter and send it to them.
Once this has taken place, they may find that they start to feel better. Also, the person who told them to do this, along with a number of other people, could say that they did the right thing.
The days and weeks could go by and their life could continue to improve, with it being clear that they made the right decision. Then again, what they may find is that they have simply pushed down their true feelings and are living in denial.
A Different Approach
Although forgiveness was put forward as the solution to what they were going through, it doesn’t mean it is the right solution. One way of looking at it would be to say that it doesn’t matter whether they forgive their parents or not; what matters is that they heal their inner wounds.
A number of years may have passed since they were a child, but the pain that they experienced during this time is still going to be held in their body. And, unless they work through this pain, it is likely to be more or less impossible for them to move on.
A big part of them – their inner child – is going to be in a lot of pain, and this part of them will want to be acknowledged and to express all of the pain that it has carried for so long. Unsurprisingly, they are not going to resolve this pain by simply forgiving their parents.
If their emotional pain was solely caused by the thoughts in their head, this approach might work. Yet, as emotional pain is held in their body, changing their thoughts is not going to get to the root of what they are experiencing.
By healing their inner wounds, they may start to experience compassion towards their parents. If so, they won’t need to force themselves to forgive them; it will be a by-product of healing themselves.
They may also gradually come to see their parents are just flawed human beings, not as gods. This would show that they are seeing them through adult eyes, as opposed to the eyes of their wounded inner child.
If someone is in a lot of pain, and they want to heal their winner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.