If someone is given a gift, it might be hard for them to accept what has been given to them. Instead of feeling happy about what they have received, they could end up feeling guilty.
Consequently, they may tell the other person that they can’t accept what has been given to them and offer it back to them. The other person could dismiss what they say and tell them that they want them to have it.
Time to Change
This might not be the first time that one has behaved in this way, and this may cause the other person to tell them that they need to learn how to receive. Upon hearing this, one might just even up feeling even worse.
What could be on their mind is returning what they have received, so that they can feel better. No matter what they are given, it won’t be worth the emotional cost that they have to pay.
Out of Balance
One can then have the tendency to give other people things but they will do what they can to avoid receiving things from others. Yet, due to giving so much and being unable to receive, they may spend a lot of time running on empty.
Said another way, they are going to be filling other peoples cup but they won’t allow other people to fill their cup. It is then going to be normal for them to suffer unnecessarily.
An Irrational Response
If another person gives them something, there is going to be no reason for them to feel guilty. Accepting what they are given probably won’t deprive another person of anything; if anything, it will fill them with happiness
One is then going to need to look into why they experience guilt after they have been given something. If they were to do this, what they may find is that there was a time in their life when they were frequently made to feel guilty after they were given something.
If this was during their early years, it may show that their caregiver/s were manipulative. So instead of giving them something and being visibly happy about it, they may have told them about how hard they had to work for it or that they had to go without to give it to them.
Having something would then have meant that they deprived their caregiver/s and even other family members from having something. With all this weight attached to what they received, it is not going to be a surprise that it is hard for them to receive as an adult.
Through being treated in this way, there would have been the guilt and there may have even been shame. If they did experience shame, it would have come down to the fact that they would have felt as though they were inherently bad for accepting something.
To be able to receive, they may need to question the beliefs that they formed during this stage of their life and they may have emotional work to do. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.