What someone may find is that it is hard for them to say no, having the tendency to do things that they would rather not do. If this is the case, there is the chance that they have behaved in this way for a little while.
Maybe they have been this way for as long they can remember. As a result of this, saying yes, when they should be saying no, can feel conformable even though it is not going to be something they actually want to say.
A Delayed Reaction
When they are asked to do something, they might instantly realise that they don’t want to do it, but end up going along with it anyway. At other times, it may take them a while to realise that they have made the wrong decision.
If the latter is something that takes place on a regular basis, it could illustrate that they often lose touch with how they feel. Consequently, their focus will generally be directed away from their inner world and towards the outer world.
Through having the inclination to ignore themselves, a lot of ‘negative’ emotions may have built-up within them. These emotions could make it hard for them to feel alive and to experience inner harmony.
If they were to connect to how they feel, they may find that they feel angry, resentful, trapped and even powerless. And, unless they do something different, the pain within them is likely to build-up even more.
The Next Step
Let’s say that they do get the point where they no longer want to experience life in this way, they may end up looking online for guidance. This could be a time when they will be encouraged to be more assertive.
The key will be for them to tune into themselves before they make a decision and to see how they feel. Therefore, instead of being solely focused on what is going on externally, they will also be focused on what is taking place internally.
A New Outlook
In addition to changing their focus, they may also be told that they need to change the way that they perceive their own needs. For so long, they may have believed that other people’s needs are more important than their own; hence why they have typically ignored their needs.
Over time, then, their life will change as long as they implement what they have learnt and keep going until behaving in this way becomes the norm. This could take a matter of weeks or even months, if not longer.
A Different Experience
Then again, they may find it hard to get in touch with their needs and, even if they do, they feel too uncomfortable to listen to them. Going along with what someone else wants is then going to feel safe; whereas the idea of standing their ground could cause them to feel extremely uncomfortable.
They might not just feel slightly unconformable either as their whole body could lighten up. Furthermore, embracing their needs could be something that causes them to experience a fair amount of shame and guilt.
If so, this may show that they are carrying trauma. Perhaps their younger years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to reveal their needs, which is why they had to disconnect from them and to act like an extension of others.
It might then be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.