All businesses, no matter how big or small, need customers, and this is because they depend on their custom. If this custom was to disappear, it is not going to be long until a business goes out of business.
Based on this, it is clear to see how important good customer service is, and no matter what kind of service is being offered to others, this is something that needs to be done right. This is not to say that mistakes can’t be made; what it means is that they can’t become a regular occurrence. Corrective Action There will be times when it will be possible for a wrong to be made right and then there will be times when this is not the case. It can all depend on whether someone is able to share their experience with some who empathises with what has taken place or if they end up keeping to themselves. If they share what has happened with someone who represents the business they are receiving a service from and they are responded to in the right way, it may be enough to stop them from developing negative associations and for them to continue to use their services. Yet if they are unable to do this, it could be the last time they use their services. The Internet It might be inaccurate to say that someone would keep their experience to themselves; as there is a strong chance that they will tell others. What this comes down to is that when someone has a good experience they usually keep it to themselves, but when they have a bad experience they are more likely to tell others. In the past, this would have included their family, friends, and the people they worked with, but in today’s world, they can share their experience with the whole world by using the internet. As a result of this, there is an ever greater need for businesses to pay attention to how they are treating people. Word Of Mouth What this shows is how much of an influence someone’s experience can have on the people around them when it comes to where they should spend their money. This is why word-of-mouth marketing is often seen as the best form of marketing there is. However, if someone has had a bad experience and they share this with the people around them, this type of marketing is only going to have a negative effect on a business. Instead of there being an increase in the amount of people who want to use their services, there is going to be an increase in the amount of people who don’t want to use their services. Different Experiences There are certain countries that are known to have good customer service and then there are others that are known to have service that is not so good. And once someone has been to a country that offers good service, they are likely to have a better understanding of what is good service and what isn’t. Whereas if they had not been somewhere where the service was good, they may think that the kind of service they are getting is normal. This is not say that the kind of service they experience on a regular basis doesn’t annoy them, but it might not stand out. Tourism When a country relies on tourism in order to survive, they can have a higher level of customer service. It is then something they need to get right and not something they can simply overlook without there being serious consequences to their own livelihood. From a very early age they would have leaned how important customer service is, and this would have taken place directly and indirectly. And even if they didn’t consciously learn how to treat customers, they would have learned unconsciously through watching others. Culture This is not the only thing that can define whether a country has good customer service; it can also depend on what a country values. When a country values good customer service, there is going to be greater pressure on people within the country to deliver the same service. If this pressure didn’t exist and they were surrounded by people who displayed bad customer service, there would be less chance of them developing it. As a result being brought up in this kind of environment, it would be normal for them to mimic the behaviour of those around them. Customer Service The kind of service that a business will need to provide in order for it to be classed as good can all depend on the kind of service they are offering. Having said that, there are going to be certain things that will need to exist no matter what kind of service is being provided. Firstly, it will be important for someone to be present, and this will allow them to acknowledge the customer. Through this, they will be able to experience eye contact and to greet the person in front of them. Just the Beginning Once this has taken place, it will be possible for someone to meet their customers’ needs. After responding in this way, they may find that they have already fulfilled their customers’ needs. If not, the interaction will have started off in the right way, and this will allow them to take the next step. When these first steps are not taken, they are not going to fulfil the customers’ need to be acknowledged, and this may mean the interaction either comes to an end or it may be the last time they see this customer.
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It is now easier than ever before for people to stay in contact with each other, and this can happen through words being exchanged on a screen or through a conversation taking place with a camera. The only piece of equipment someone needs, in order for this to occur, is a Smartphone.
For instance, if someone has a friend or a family member who moves to another country, they can still talk to them as much as they would if they lived in a same area. Distance is no longer a factor, and while this is not going to be same as speaking to them in person, it is better than loosing contact or only talking to them a few times a year. Constantly Connected Through having the technology to maintain constant contact with others, it is no longer necessary for someone to be by themselves. There are always going to be people they can talk to through using social media. Now, these can be people they actually know and/or they can be people who they have met online. And if someone is unable to enjoy their own time, this will be something that may make their life easier. Events It is also going to be easier for one to find out about any events that are taking place around them. This could relate to something one of their friends has created, or it may relate to a page that they have liked. If they didn’t use social media, it may cause them to miss out on these events. But when someone does use it, it is no longer necessary for them to miss out on what is taking place. Making Plans Not only is it easier for someone to make plans when it comes to what event(s) they will go to, it is also easier for them to make plans with their friends. Arranging a night out or a trip to the coffee shop, for instance, is only a few clicks away. And if anything changes between when the plan is made and when they are going to meet, the only thing they need to do is to send them another message. What this can mean is that although a plan has been made, there is always the chance that it can be changed at any moment. It’s Easy When someone talks to another person over a screen, it is going to be a lot easier for them to change their mind, and this is partly because there is less pressure. Whereas if they were talking to the person in the real world; they are going to have a radically different experience. And if a plan has been made over a screen, it could be said that it is not the same as if a plan has been made in person, and this can come down to the fact that the sane level of emotional investment might not exist. After all, it was all based on a few words being exchanged on a screen, and as it is so easy to make arrangements, it is also just as easy to change them. Commitment If someone made a commitment in the past, there would have been a greater chance of them seeing it through. By not having a Smartphone and the social media apps that are used with it, it wouldn’t have been as easy for them to change their plans. They may have been able to use a normal phone, but once something had been arranged they wouldn’t have been much they could do about it. The option would have been there for them to just not turn up; however, as it wasn’t as easy for them to let the other person know, they would have had a greater need to show up. Emotional Pressure On one side, there would have been how they would have felt and the thoughts going through their mind, and on the other, would have been a consideration of how their behaviour would influence the other person. They may have felt guilty, and this would have encouraged them to stick to the plan or to arrive on time, for instance. When they thought about how their behaviour would affect the other person, there would have been two sides. Firstly, they may have thought about how the other person would feel if they didn’t show up or had to wait longer, and secondly, they might have thought about how their behaviour might have a negative impact on their relationship. Flaky It could be said that social media has given people choice, and that they can now change their mind without having to experience the same amount of pressure that they did in the past. This much is true; it is easier for someone to be more spontaneous and to go with how they feel. But while this may allow someone to put their needs first and to feel better because of it, it can cause them to come across as flaky. And when this kind of behaviour occurs on a regular basis, it is going to have detrimental effect on someone’s relationships. Conclusion There are pros and cons to most things in life, and while there will be times in everyone’s life where they are late or unable to make it to something they had arranged, if this becomes a regular occurrence it will lead to problems down the line. They may find that their relationships gradually start to erode.
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Human beings have many different needs, and one of those needs is to feel important. However, this is not to say that everyone will be influenced in the same way by this need; as some people will have a greater need to feel important than others.
It could then be a need that is no more important than a number of others needs that they have, or it could end up being one of their most important needs. This is something that is likely to depend on a number of factors. The Absence If one has the desire to feel important, it is likely to be a sign that they don’t feel important. Whereas if this need is being fulfilled, they might no longer think about it, and if they still think about it, there is a strong chance that their need to feel important won’t be as strong For example: if one has the need to feel important and this need is fulfilled, they may begin to forget that this need exists. But there is also the chance that no matter how important they feel, they might not feel important enough. A Black Hole It is then similar to a black hole that can’t be filled, and while other people are able to meet this need and focus on the rest of their life, it is not going to be possible for them to do this. In this case, it could be said that they are unable to maintain a sense of importance. This is then going to make it harder for them to feel good about themselves, and they are going to be end up being obsessed with the need to feel important. It may also be a challenge for them to live in the present moment and a number of other important needs may end up being overlooked. Two Factors Therefore, just because someone doesn’t feel important, it doesn’t mean they should feel this way. They could be making a significant difference in the lives of others and the people around them may let them know. There are also going to be others who feel overlooked in life, and they may believe that no matter what they do, they always go unnoticed. They are not being treated how they want to be treated and this is having a negative effect on their sense of self. Two Ways However, if it was just a case of one being given the right feedback, then it wouldn’t be possible for someone to feel unimportant if they were being given the right feedback. What this shows is that it also comes down to what is taking place on the inside. If one is unable to internalise positive feedback, it won’t matter what they hear, and if someone doesn’t value themselves, it is going to be harder for them to experience positive feedback. When someone feels important on the inside, it will be easier for them to be around others who value them, and their need for external feedback will also diminish. Interdependent If human beings were dependent, they would always need others to give them positive feedback, and if they were independent, they wouldn’t need positive feedback from others. Yet, as we are interdependent, it means we need to receive positive feedback from others and from ourselves. When someone doesn’t feel important on the inside, they are either going to have an insatiable need for others to value them or they can end up stop themselves from creating a life where they are valued. How important someone feels as an adult can come down to how they were treated during their younger years; that’s unless they have developed themselves as an adult. In The Past In the past, the external feedback that someone received, that played a part in them feeling important, would have come from their friends and family, and through what they did in their community and the world at large. This means that it was for what they did in the ‘real world’. However, in today’s world this is no longer necessary, and someone only needs to go onto the internet in order to feel sense of importance. Through using social media, it is possible for someone to feel important without doing anything significant. Positive Influence One can feel important as a result of how many ‘likes’, ’retweets’ and comments they receive on what they share, and by how many ‘friends’ or followers they have. They don’t need to have any particular skill or talent; the only thing they need to do is to share something or to have a certain appearance, for instance. This can then allow people who already feel important to receive more positive feedback, and for those people who don’t to receive the kind of feedback they desperately need. Based on this, it could be said that social media plays an important role in allowing someone to feel important. False Sense of Importance It can all depend on how someone is influenced by the feedback they receive from others. When someone doesn’t feel important and they start to receive positive feedback, it can cause them to go to the other extreme. They can then end up coming across as arrogant, and this is partly because their sense of importance is out of touch with reality. And even though they can feel better, the change they have experienced in their sense of importance might not be built on firm foundations. Building on Sand One can then end up feeling important for no apparent reason, and while this may make them feel better in the short-term, it can stop them from engaging in something that will truly have an impact on their sense of importance in the long-term. How they truly feel is then being covered up and a false self has been created. If someone wants to develop a real sense of importance it may mean that they have to put more in more effort than they would if they were to just share things on social media, but it will have a greater effect on their wellbeing. And instead of creating an inflated sense of self, they will be in touch with their true self. Solutions In order for this to take place, they may need to look into what they can contribute to the world and to engage in some kind of inner work, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or some kind of coach. Another option would be to read books on self-development and to apply what one learns.
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As time goes by, more and more normal human experiences are being given labels, and what was part of life at one point in time, ends up being seen as a mental illness at another. For example: if one was experiencing anxiety in the past, they might believe that it is just part of life.
It is then not something they need to worry about, and they certainly won’t need to take anything for it. Yet, when someone experiences anxiety in today’s world, they can end up being diagnosed as having some kind of disorder. Inner Problem As a result of this, one can end up being put on medication, and they can come to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with them. Their brain and biology is then playing up, and an external solution is required. What is taking place externally is then overlooked, and there is no thought put into what it means to be human. One is then seen as being separate from their environment and normal human reactions are seen as abnormal. Powerless This approach can cause people to end up feeling powerless, and if they feel as though they have no control over their mental and emotional health, they are going to end up being dependent on others. And if they are not dependent on others, they could end up being dependent on medication. It is then not possible for one to feel empowered, and as though they have the ability to change. The diagnosis is unlikely to make them feel more connected to themselves; they are likely to end up feeling even more disconnected. Feedback This is because one is not going to develop a healthy relationship with their mind and body. What is taking place within them is not going to be seen as something they need to pay attention to; it is going to be seen as something they need to remove. If they ignore what is taking place within them, it can cause them to suffer even more, and this is partly because they are not going to look at how their environment is affect them. And if they are trying to change experiences that are a normal part of life, they can go against what it means to be human. Agenda Due to how parts of the medical profession approach mental and emotional health, it could be said that they have a hidden agenda. It would be interesting to find out what kind of relationship these kinds of people have with their own thoughts and emotions. Perhaps they are so insulated from the real world that they have absolutely no idea what is it like to experience these so-called ‘mental illnesses’. Or it could be a sign that they are completely disconnected from themselves. Disconnected They are then out of touch with what it means to be human and it is then not possible for them to relate to their fellow human beings. If their heart is no longer influencing their life, it will be easier for them to act in ways that are inhuman. In this case, how other people are being conditioned to relate to their own thoughts and feelings is a reflection of how they the people in authority relate to them. When someone reaches out for support, they are often in a desperate position, and this can make it easier for them to be manipulated. New Additions If something is classed as a mental illness, it is likely to be because it is listed in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5). Now, it is clear to see that diagnosing someone can allow them to receive the right assistance, but it can also set them up to experience more problems. It is likely to a depend on if the right diagnosis is made, and if normal human experiences are seen as being a sign of mental illness, there is a strong chance that someone will end up feeling even worse. Instead of being given the right feedback, they can end up being given a label as opposed to receiving the guidance they really need. Grief When the latest addition was released in the middle of 2013, there were a number of new additions, and one of those was grief. Experiencing loss is then no longer a normal part of life, it is something that can cause someone to be labelled as having ‘’major depressive disorder’’. It could be said that through being labelled in this way people will reach out for support instead of suffering in silence and they will understand what is taking place within them. However, there is also the chance that they will end up being put on some kind of medication and come to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with them. Legitimate Suffering And while taking medication may allow them to feel better, it can stop them from facing how they feel, and although this will be painful, it is what will allow them to move forward and find meaning once more. This is not to say that someone should never use medication to assist them with their grief; what it does take into account is that experiencing loss is part of being human. The only way someone can avoid the pain of losing someone, is to stop themselves from getting attached to others. After someone experiences loss, they will be in a grieving process and in order for them to move forward, they will need to mourn. Conclusion How long this process lasts will depend on the person, and that is because we are all unique. To experience grief after a loss shows that someone is simply human, and to say grief is mental illness is to redefine what it means to be human. It can also cause someone to feel ashamed of how they feel after they have experienced loss, and this is going to make it even harder for them to undertake this process. They may come to believe that they should ignore how they feel and pretend that everything is fine.
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When someone spends their time around people who have an open-heart, they are likely to appreciate being around them. Whereas, if they were to spend their time around people who were the complete opposite; there is the chance that they will feel uncomfortable.
This is because when people have an open-heart, there is a strong chance that they will behave in ways that are life affirming. Through being in their presence, it will be normal for one to feel accepted and their life will be a lot more fulfilling. Uncomfortable However, this is not going to be the case with everyone, and this can mean that someone will feel more at ease when they are around people who have a closed heart. If they were to spend their time around people who are the complete opposite, they might end up feeling uncomfortable. These people could behave in ways that are life denying, and this could cause one to feel as though they can’t be themselves. It is then not going to be possible for them to feel accepted, and their life is not going to be as fulfilling as it could be. The Need What this shows is that even though one can have the need to receive something, it doesn’t mean they will be able to. Whether someone is able to allow something into their life will all depend on how their body feels. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to feel safe, and if they don’t feel safe, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to receive something. So if someone doesn’t spend their time around people who are open-hearted, it is going to mean that this is what feels safe. Two Ways When someone spends their time around people who are closed-hearted, it can be because their heart is also closed. They are then all in the same position, and there is no need for any of them to get in touch with how they feel. If one was to spend their time around someone who is open-hearted, they might end up being repelled, and if they stayed around them, it might be too painful. Yet, as love is something that everyone needs to experience in order to thrive; it can be hard to understand why. Being Loving Being able to receive is a vital part of being able to give, and this is why they go hand in hand. When one has an open-heart, they will be able to receive, and it will be normal for them to give. This comes down to the fact they won’t be running on empty, but all the time they are unable to receive, they won’t have anything to give. In this case, having a closed-heart won’t just have a negative impact on one’s own life; it will also have a negative impact on others. Closed Up The reason their heart has closed up could be because they haven’t taken the time to grieve a loss or a number of losses. Keeping love at a distance is then a way for them to protect themselves. This is not to say that they are aware of what is taking place; as they may have disconnected from how they feel. Emotional pain will have built up within them, and keeping people at a distance will stop this pain from being triggered. Grieving If one took the time to grieve, it would have allowed them to open their heart once again, and while this wouldn’t have happened overnight, it would have happened as time passed. In an ideal world, this would be a normal part of life, and something that one would go through whenever they experienced loss. However, this process doesn’t always take place in today’s world, and it is then normal for people to disconnect from how they feel. It is often said that someone should simply ‘move on’ or ‘let go’, and while this may allow them to feel better in the short-term, it sets them up to suffer in the long-term. A Battle One’s mind is then in a battle with how they feel in their body, and even though they may believe that their mind can win, this is not possible. When it comes to experiencing change, the mind is often seen as the most important area, and this can then set one up to believe they can think their way out of grief. This partly comes down to the fact that our feelings are often seen as being caused by our thoughts. But when one experiences loss, their heart is in pain, and this pain is not being caused by what is taking place in their head Surrender During the grieving process, it will be important for one to surrender to how they feel as opposed to trying to force their pain away. The reason it is called a grieving process is because one needs to take one step at a time. It is not something that can happen all in the one go, and this is because it would be too much to handle. Through going through their pain and not trying to go over it, it will be possible for them to open up once more. Awareness If one doesn’t feel comfortable facing how they feel, they may need to reach out for support. This external support will then give them the strength they need to surrender to what is taking place within them.
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If someone wants to use the internet, they no longer need to sit in front of a computer; the only thing they need to do it to use a Smartphone. This means that one can go online no matter where they are or what they are doing.
As a result of this, going online has become a normal part of life as opposed to something one does every now and then. It is then easy for someone to take it for granted and to no longer appreciate what they have at their finger tips. Age However, this can all depend on when someone was born and whether they are able to take a step back from how they are experiencing life. For example, once one got to a certain age, they may have started to use a Smartphone. This is then going to be the only thing they know, and they won’t have anything to compare it with. Having said that, there is also the chance that they have had moments where they don’t use their phone, and this may have allowed them to realise how different their life would be without it. Alternatively Yet, there are going to be others who, after reaching a certain age, had to use a normal phone (or there may have only had a landline). In this case, they are going to have an understanding of what it was like to experience life differently. But if they use their Smartphone all the time, they may begin to wonder how they would survive without it. It has then become an integral part of their life, and it could be said that they have then lost touch with how their life used to be. Connected It is often said that separation is an illusion, and Smartphone’s have allowed someone to experience a greater connection to others. Not only can they send messages, they can also experience face to face communication. This can take place between the people one lives within driving distance from, and it can include people who live on the other side of the planet, for instance. Distance is no longer a factor, and just because someone no longer lives in the same area as another person, it doesn’t mean they have to lose touch with them. Information If someone has a question, they don’t need to go anywhere to have it answered; they only need to use their Smartphone. This can then make it easier for them to make plans in their personal life, and for them to progress in their professional life. Their mind can be put to rest in matter of minutes, and this means they won’t have to experience frustration. The need to experience instant gratification is something each and everyone one us has to balance with the ability to delay gratification, and through being able to have a question answered instantly, the need to delay gratification can be put to one side. Photos There is also no need for them to carry around a camera, and this is because there is a strong chance that their Smartphone will be able to take high quality pictures. In the past, they would have needed to carry around both. And once they have taken a picture (or a video), they can share it with their ‘friends’ on a social media site. If they had taken a picture with a camera, it would take lot longer, and more effort would be required. Pros and Cons These are just a few of the benefits that someone can experience through using a Smartphone, and there are many others. However, although Smartphone’s have made a positive impact on so many people’s lives, they have also created a number of problems. For example: when someone has a Smartphone, it is can cause them to disconnect from the people around them. And while some people will be able to use a Smartphone without losing touch with the people around them, there will be others who are unable to do so. Self-Absorbed When this happens, their attention will be consumed by their phone, and the people around them will merge into the background. This will mean that one won’t be aware of how their behaviour is affecting others, and therefore, they can end up being unaware of how other people are responding to them. If someone is like this around their friends, they can come across as rude and as though they are not present, and when they are in a social setting, they can come across as lacking manners and being anti-social. It is clear to see that his kind of behaviour is not going to endear them to others. Empathy Through being caught up in their Smartphone, it can cause other people to come to the conclusion that they lack empathy. What is happening around them will take a back seat, and what is taking place on a screen will take precedence. In this case, they are not going to be concerned with how other people feel, and this is going to have a negative effect on the people around them. The interactions they have in the real world are then going to suffer as a result of the interactions they are having over a screen. Examples If one was to use their Smartphone whilst they are crossing a road, they could set themselves up to have an accident, and if they are not affected, they could cause the oncoming driver(s) to have problems. And if they are in a social setting where there are plenty of people around, they are not going to be aware of when they are disrespecting other people’s personal space. One may be having lunch with a friend or they could be on a ‘date’, and even though they are physically there, their attention could end up be consumed by their Smartphone. The other person can then end up feeling disrespected and as though they don’t exist. Having said that, they might not even notice, and this could be because they are doing the same thing. Conclusion What this shows is how important it is for someone to stay in contact with what is taking place around them. Ultimately, a Smartphone is neutral; whether someone ends up being self-absorbed or whether they are able maintain contact with the people around them will all depend on how they use it.
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While it could be said that there are some people who are highly curious, it could also be said that there are others who are the complete opposite. This is not to say that this is something that is black and white; as there are going to be people who fall into the middle of the spectrum.
There are also likely to be moments where someone changes, and this could be because they feel different. What this shows is that although human beings are creates of habit, they can still change their behaviour. Curious When someone is curious, it can cause them to look into why people do the things they do. They are not going to take things at face value, and this is because they want to look a little deeper. This is not to say that they will always find out why something takes place, but then, this might not bother them. Thinking about why someone has done something might be enough, and then it won’t matter whether they are able to find out why. The Other Side However, when someone is not curious, they might not be interested in why people do the things that they do. The behaviour of others is then taken at face value and that’s as far as it goes. They may believe that looking into why people do things is a waste of energy, and they may say that it is not possible to find out. This could cause them to criticise people who do look a little deeper. Pure Intentions When someone is interested in why people do the things that they do, it could be because they are simply interested in people. In this case, it could be sad that their intentions are generally pure, and that they are not out to manipulate others. Conversely, there are also going to be people who have a hidden agenda, and their reason for looking deeper will be to gain the upper hand. Being curious is a tool for the first person and a weapon for the second person. Pain There are also going to be moments where someone looks into someone’s behaviour in order to regulate their inner pain. They may have been let down or hurt by someone, and this has then created a need within them to find out why the other person did what they did. And if they are unable to ask the person directly, it could create an ever greater need for them to understand. What this means is that their need to understand another is way for them to settle themselves down. Emotional Reaction However, although one has experienced an emotional reaction and this has caused them to analyse someone, it doesn’t mean they are aware of what has happened. They might just end up in a position where they are obsessed with another person. If they are aware of what is taking place within them, it will be possible for them to take a more balanced approach. For one thing, they won’t need to be obsessed with what someone is or isn’t doing, and they may find it easier to move on. Avoidance Yet, if someone is unaware of what is taking place within them, and they are doing everything they can to try and find out why something has happened, it might not be possible for them to move on. This is because they are caught up in the other person’s life, and this is causing them to avoid themselves. On one side, this is stopping them from looking at the part they may be playing in what has happened, and on the other, this is keeping their pain at bay. This shows is that the primary reason they are interested in why something has happened is because they don’t want to face how they feel. Out of the Mind In order for someone to let go of their minds obsessive need to analyse someone, it will be important for them to get out of their mind and into their body. When they are aware of how they feel, it will give them the chance to look into why their mind is so active. It could be said that their obsessive need to analyse someone is a defence mechanism their mind is using to avoid being overwhelmed with pain. Once their body has started to settle down, their mind will no longer need to be so active. Example If one is analysing the person they were in a relationship with, it may be a way for them to avoid the loss that is within them. And even if they find out why the relationship came to an end, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to accept what happened. Their mind can still end up going over what took place, and they may begin to feel as though their mind is out of control. This may be a sign that they need to grieve the loss of their relationship. Awareness One may find that they are able to get in touch with how they feel and to work through their feelings. Yet, if this is something they are unable to do, it will be important for them to seek external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group, for example.
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Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
On one side of the spectrum, there are people who had a childhood where most of their needs were met, and on the other side, there are others who had a childhood where the majority of their needs were ignored. And in the middle of these two extremes will be people who would have had moments where their needs were met and moment’s when they were overlooked.
This is just a rough guide, but what it shows is that not everyone on this planet has the same kind of experiences during the beginning of their life. However, while what happened during these early years can have a big impact on the kind of person someone will become; how they responded to what took place will also have an effect. Resilience There are plenty of examples of people who have a good upbringing (or at least appear to), who end up going down the wrong path, so to speak. In this case, it could be said that their childhood years had very little effect on them, or it could be a sign that something is being overlooked. On the other hand, someone’s upbringing can be less-than nurturing and yet, they can end up rising above it. When this happens, it could be said that one’s inner strength has enabled them to move forward. Unique However, humans beings are all different, and while certain reasons can be put forward as to why some people rise up after a bad start to life and some people don’t, it is not possible to explain everything. What can make a big difference is if someone had at least one person around during their early years who affirmed them. Through being in their presence, they would have been able to realise that they are valuable, and it would have opened their mind to the fact that not everyone is the same. A seed of hope would then have been planted, and as a result of this, it would have been possible for them to experience life differently. Reaching Out They may also have needed to reach out for support, and it is unlikely that this support would have come from within the family. And if they did have someone who affirmed them, they may have only have been able to do so much. One may have looked towards their friends and/or they might have been drawn towards other sources. They may have started readings books on how to heal their past, and this might have also included working with therapists and/or spending time in support groups. Another Outcome If one did experience some kind of abuse and they were able to work through it with their caregivers, for instance, it might have lessened their need to look outside their family for support. This would then have not only saved them a lot of time, effort and money, it would have also stopped them from experiencing as much pain. In The Past In today’s world, someone can go onto the internet if they need support, and while the support they receive here is not always going to be enough, this option wasn’t available in the past. This is one reason why it could be said that it can be easier for someone to move on from a less-than nurturing childhood than it was in the past. Also, there is a greater awareness in today’s world when it comes to what is acceptable and what isn’t in regards to how a child should be treated. For example, what is classed as abuse today was often seen as normal parenting in the past. Tolerating Abuse Without there being the same support outside of the family and as abuse was more acceptable in the past, there would have been a greater need for someone to overlook what was taking place. When someone perceives something as normal it might not matter how painful it is, and this is because it is just how life is. As the years have passed and there is now greater awareness around what is acceptable and what isn’t (when it comes to raising children), there is more information available to assist people in moving beyond a less-than nurturing childhood. Self Development However, even though someone was abused, it doesn’t mean they will realise this. Instead, they might just be in a position where they have mental and emotional problems, or they may struggle to when it comes to experiencing self-confidence, for instance. How they experience life can then be what is ‘normal’, and they are going to be drawn to things that will allow them to experience life differently and to feel better. This may mean that one is drawn to certain books and/or audio books, or they might go from one course to another. Fulfilling a Need It would be inaccurate to say that everyone who is into self development was abused, but it is clear to see that it is fulfilling a need. And if one’s childhood was a time where their needs were rarely, if ever met, they can end up having the need to do something about what happened. One option will be for them to ‘develop themselves’, and this is then another example of what can happen when someone is unable to be supported by the people around them. This absence is then what drives them to look towards people on the outside to assist them with their struggles. Awareness This also comes down to the fact that there has been a breakdown in the family unit. And even if someone was not brought up in a family that was abusive, it might have been a time when they were neglected. One was then not harmed through what did happen, they were harmed as a result of what they didn’t happen, and this is another form of abuse. If one did have a less-than nurturing childhood, it is important for them to reach out and not to suffer in silence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone spends their time with people who affirm their worth, it will be possible for them to feel good about themselves. This is because human beings are interdependent, and this is why the responses of others play an important part in their self-image.
However, although one’s self-image is influenced by how others respond to them, this doesn’t mean they have no control. The reason for this is that one can decide who they want to be, and as a result of this, they can choose who to spend their time with. Sense of Self In order for someone to realise this, it will be important for them to have a sense of self. If this is something they haven’t developed, they can end up being defined by how other people respond to them. Yet, when one has individuated, they will be in touch with who they are, and they won’t get caught up in the lives of others. It will then be possible for them to affirm themselves, and this is why they won’t always need to be affirmed by others. Affirmation During those moments when one is affirmed by others, it won’t just come down to what they say; will also come down to the other person’s ability to be present. Through this, it will be possible for one to receive the kind of responses that will support them. Whereas, when one is around people who are not present, one can begin to wonder if what they have to say is important or if the other people want to be there. And as it is so important for one seen and heard by others, this will have a big impact on their self-image. The Right Nutrients This is then the equivalent of one getting the right nutrients as opposed to putting anything in their body and then wondering why they feel the way they do. When one is able to affirm themselves, they are going to want to be around the kind of people who affirm them. Yet, if they are unable to do this, not only are going to have a greater need for others to affirm them, they can also end up being drawn to people to who are unable to affirm them. This is going to show that they don’t have a strong sense of self, and as a result of this, their self-image is also going to suffer. Early Years Ideally, one will be affirmed by others and as this happens, they will be able to affirm themselves. This is something that can take place during their early years, and through receiving this kind of care, one will be able to develop into an adult who accepts themselves. The Real World However, this is not something that always takes place, and one can then grow into an adult who doesn’t accept themselves. One option would be for them to find people who can affirm them, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a support group, for instance. In this case, one will be receiving what they didn’t get all those years ago, and this will also allow them to individuate and to develop a sense of self. And as part of this process, one may also need to engage in some kind of emotional work; which may include grieving their unmet childhood needs. Self-affirmation Another thing that someone can do is to affirm themselves, and this is something that can take place through using affirmations. When this happens, one will find things to say to themselves that go against their current outlook. One can use what other people have created or they may decide to create something for themselves. And once one has something to say, they can keep saying it until their self-image begins to change. One Outcome After they use an affirmation for a certain period of time, there is the chance that they will end up transforming their self-image. They will then end up treating themselves differently, and how other people respond to them will also change. Yet, when one uses affirmations, it will be important for them to find the right ones, and not to use ones that are unrealistic. If they choose ones that are realistic, for instance, it will be easier for them to accept them. Another Outcome If, on the other hand, they end up using affirmations that are completely unrealistic, there is the chance that they will end up deluding themselves. When this happens, one can end up going from one extreme to the other, and they are going to be out of touch with realty. And while they might be able to feel better about themselves for a short while, they can end up feeling worse in the long run. This is because one will be trying to achieve things that are not possible to achieve. Delusion For example, if one was to say to themselves ‘I am wonderful and everybody accepts me’, they are going to set themselves up to suffer unnecessarily. No matter how ‘wonderful’ someone is, it is not going to be possible for everyone to accept them. In this case, one will be trying to achieve something that they can’t achieve, and if they do end up believing this, they can end up feeling even worse than they did before. This is because if one was in a position where they believed that it wasn’t possible for anyone to accept them and then they believe that everyone does, it is only going to be a matter of time before they have to face reality. Awareness And if one does end up deluding themselves and they block out the evidence that goes against how they sees themselves, their life will suffer in one way or another, and it may also cause other people to keep their distance. When it comes to the affirmation above, it will be important for one to realise that there will be people who accept them and people who don’t. But the most important thing will be for one to accept themselves.
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Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
For many years now, the mainstream media has been criticised for editing pictures, and this is because of the effect this has on women. When they see these images, they are often unaware of what has been done, and they can come to believe that what they see is normal.
If they were able to see the images and to realise what has taken place, this wouldn’t be the case. This would then allow them to see that the images don’t actually reflect reality, and this would stop them from experiencing the same amount of pressure. Self-esteem A woman’s appearance plays a big role in how she feels about herself, and this is why it is so important for them to see images that reflect reality. All the time they are seeing images that have nothing to do with what ‘real’ women look like, it is going to cause them to suffer. Yet, no matter what a woman looks like, she is not going to match up with an image that has been severely edited. As a result of this, they can end up feeling as though they are not enough. Hopeless It is then not going to be possible for her to accept herself as she is, and she could end up feeling hopeless. This is not to say that she will ignore her appearance; as she may do everything she can to try to look perfect. Her actions are going to be motivated by her need to be enough as opposed to her wanting to take care of her appearance. And even if the people around her show their approval, it might not be possible for her to accept it, and this is because of the fact that she is hiding who she really is. A Normal Image If the images in the media were not edited, it would make it easier for women to accept their appearance. They would come to see that perfection doesn’t exist, and while the images they see in the media would still have an effect, it wouldn’t be the same. The images they see could be used as inspiration, but they not necessarily going to come to the conclusion that they are missing something. And if they compare their appearance with the people they see, it might to have the same effect on their self-esteem. Comparison One reason for this is that they will be comparing themselves with people who reflect reality as opposed to people who represent an illusion. This will allow them to see that although they look different to the people in the images, it is not because the people in the images are perfect. It simply comes down to the fact that they have a different look, and this will make it easier for them to embrace their own uniqueness. And if the images were not edited, it would also give someone the chance to see that there are many different looks. Celebrating Diversity Whereas, when someone only sees images that have been edited, it will be normal for them to believe that there are only a certain number of looks that are acceptable. Being different is then not something to be celebrated, it is something to be ashamed of. When being different is celebrated, it will be a lot easier for someone to value who they are, and their need to buy things in order to change their appearance would also start to decrease. And when people do give them approval, they would know it is for who they are as opposed to the person they are trying to be. The Modern Day World However, in today’s world a woman no longer needs to look at an image that has been edited by the mainstream media in order to be deceived; they only need to use social media. This is because people are now editing their pictures in the same way that the media edits pictures. They don’t need to know how to use a specialized editing program, and this is because the apps that are available are easy to use. In the past, they would have been the ones who were being deceived, and now they can be the ones who are deceiving others. Maintaining the Illusion If someone has a picture that doesn’t meet their standards, they can use an app to completely transform the image. This may then allow them to receive more positive feedback than they would have done if they had uploaded the original image. On one side, this will allow them to feel good about themselves, but on the other side, it may cause other people to feel bad about themselves. The reason for this is that while other people may realise what has happened, there is also the chance that they will believe that the picture is an accurate reflection of the other person. Impossible Standards Nevertheless, regardless of whether someone is editing their pictures or not, they are still being exposed to images that don’t reflect reality. And even if they don’t consciously think about what is taking place, it can still effect them at a deeper level. This can then cause them to develop impossible standards when it comes to beauty, and this can make it even harder them to accept themselves. And while someone can edit their pictures on social media, they are not going to be able to edit themselves in the same way when it comes to the real world. Further To Fall The more one edits their pictures on social media, the harder it is going to be for them to accept themselves. This is because their appearance is always going to fall short when they compare it to the images that they have edited. Therefore, the feedback they receive on social media is going to be overshadowed by the fact that they are hiding who they really are. And even though they are getting positive feedback, it is only for the image that they have presented and for how they really look like. Making Things Worse If someone found it hard to believe that other people would accept them before they edited their pictures, they may find that it is even harder for them believe that other people will accept after they have edited their pictures. This is because through editing their pictures, they have increased their chances of being rejected by others. The reason for this is that when other people meet them in real life, they are not going to be meeting the same person. As a result of this, it might not matter what they are like, and this may cause them even more problems. Conclusion To say that one shouldn’t edit their pictures might be going a bit far; but there is a difference between making minor changes and making major changes. And if someone wants to accept themselves, it will be healthier for them to cut back on how much they edit their pictures. Through doing this, the feedback they receive will be for who they are, and when people meet them in the real world, they won’t be meeting someone else. This will make it a lot easier for someone to feel comfortable in their own skin.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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