In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to say that they want to let go of the past, and this is likely to be due to the fact that it is holding them back in some way. Therefore, the sooner they are able to do this the better their life will be.
A Number of Options Fortunately, it is not going to be difficult for one to come across ways in which this can take place. However, if they do find this part a challenge, it could be a sign that they are looking in the wrong place. What this comes down to is that there is so much information available today, and the only thing they need to do to find it is to go online. As a result of this, one could be living in middle of nowhere and still have an unlimited amount of information at their fingertips. The Internet That is providing that they have some kind of device and an internet connection. By using a search engine, for instance, one can find answers to just about any question they have. If one wants to find something to read, there will be plenty of articles for them to look through. But if they would prefer to watch something, then there is going to be no shortage of videos for them to view. Two Approaches There is the chance that one wants to change their life as soon as possible and they may then go along with the first thing they come across. At the same time, they may be willing to take their time and to reflect on the different ideas that they come across. It could be said that it would be better for them to take their time, as this will allow them to make the right decision. Still, one could take their time and still end up going down the wrong path, so to speak. Trial and Error Instead, one could go along with one idea and even though it doesn’t work, they could learn from the experience. Through having the ability to change course, they will be able to get on the right track before too long. The alternative would be for one to end up on the wrong track and then to keep going, thereby ignoring the signs. This would then be the same as someone who continues to drive their car even though smoke is coming out of the bonnet. One Option And when one does come across information that talks about how they can let go of the past, they are likely to be told that they need to change what is taking place in their mind. Through focusing on this area and changing their thoughts, for instance, they will soon be able to move on with their life. If one was to step back and to think about this, they may come to the conclusion that this is the right approach. This can be due to the fact that their mind is full of thoughts that remind them of what has taken place in the past. Completely Logical It is then going to be essential for them to for them to change what is taking place in their mind, and if they don’t do this their life is not going to change. And along with this being the next step for them to take, they can also be told that this is a relatively simple process. Part of this process could involve one thinking differently, and they may also be encouraged to observe what is taking place in their mind. And through taking control of their mind as opposed to being controlled by it, they will gradually begin to let go. A Conscious Human being In a way, one will be going from someone who is unaware of what is taking place within them to someone who is aware. And this can only be a good thing and something that will allow them to grow and develop. Along with what one will be need to do to their mind, they may also be told to change their behaviour. Yet while this approach may work, there is also the chance that it won’t do anything. A Deeper Look What this comes down to is that what is taking place in one’s mind can be a reflection of what is taking place in their body. It can then be a complete waste of time for them to focus purely on their mind. Through doing this, one can end up feeling extremely frustrated, and they may start to believe that they have no control over their life. Or they might try to use even more force in order to finally let go of the past. Another Perspective But if one believes that it is all in their mind, it is going to stop them from looking at what is taking place in their body. If they were to do this, they may find that they have an emotional build-up and/or that they are carrying trauma. The emotional pain within them will need to be processed, and if they are carrying trauma, this will also need to be resolved. What this shows is that even though the body is often overlooked in today’s world, it can actually play a big part in how we experiences life. Pain One reason why the body has been overlooked could be due to how painful it can be to get in touch with it. It can be a lot easier to focus on the mind and to stay away from what is taking place at a deeper level. Even so, this is going to cause one to be disconnected from themselves, and it won’t be possible for them to live as a whole human being. Yet if one is surrounded by people who are in the same position, they might not be able to realise this. Awareness If one is carrying a lot of pain in their body and they want to let it go, they may need to work with a therapist. When it comes to how long this will take, it can all depend on what is taking place within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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When one goes out at night with the intention of meeting someone, there is a strong chance that they will want to be at their best. There are then going to be a number of things that they can do.
The first thing they are likely to do is to make sure they look right, and this will involve the clothes they wear and the style of their hair. And when it comes to a woman, they will probably spend a fair amount of time doing their makeup. The Right Smell Once this has all taken place, one could take the time to find the right aftershave/perfume for the occasion. Or if they only wear one fragrance, this is not going to be something that will take them very long. Having said that, one could have a few and still know exactly what they are going to use. This could be a sign that this is an area of their life that they put a lot of effort into, and it is then not going to be possible for them to randomly choose one. Checking In During this time or when they have left where they live, they could be getting themselves into the right mood. They could realise that this may make it easier for them to meet the right person. They could think about how this will make them more approachable or that other people will be more likely to embrace them if they were to approach them. Therefore, looking right is not going to be the only thing that matters. It’s on Through looking right and feeling right, they could believe that they are ready to have a good evening. How they look and how they smell could well be what will get the ball rolling, but their personality could be what defines whether it will go to the next stage. Along with this, the other person’s personality may also be what will have the biggest effect on them. Thus, how they smell and what they look like is then not going to define whether one will want to take things further. A Clear Idea Through going out and meeting people this way, they will be able to see what people actually look like. The only thing that will stop this from taking place is if they end up having too much to drink. The idea they have of someone is then not going to match up with reality, and they may then find it hard to remember what they look like the following day. Yet when this happens, it is going to be down to them as opposed to what the other person has done. Personality Now, when it comes to another person’s personality, it could be said that it will be a lot harder for them to know if their behaviour matches up with who they are. For one thing, they may have had a few drinks, and this can then mean that they will be different to what they are usually like. Also, they may feel the need to put on an act, and it then won’t matter if they have had something to drink. So while there are pitfalls to meeting people in the real world, there is not a lot that can be done about them. Online Dating The alternative might be for one to use internet dating instead, and this could be seen as a better way to meet people. This could primarily be due to the fact that one doesn’t need to go out; the only thing they need to do is to have a device. However, although this can be seen as the best option, it doesn’t mean that this will always be the case. The thing about internet dating is that it can be far easier for one to be deceived online than in the real world. Two parts On one side, people can make things up about themselves, and their description can have very little, if any, relevance to their own personality. Even so, it could be said that this is no different to how people can put on an act in the real world. And on the other side, they can also upload pictures that are extremely old, and even if they are relatively new, they could have edited them. It could then be argued that people can change their appearance in the real world by weak makeup and or fake tan, for instance. A Big Difference Nevertheless, when it comes to what can be done to a picture online and what people can do to their face offline, there is no comparison. And someone can change an image without needing to be a photo editing expert. One can then experience a strong attraction to someone online and come to believe that this is what they look like in person. Yet if they were to meet them in real life, they may end up being bitterly disappointed. False Advertising This is then similar to one buying a product that claims to do something and then ends up coming up short. But while there are regulations in place to make sure that this rarely happens, there are no regulations in place when it come to the kind of pictures that one can use on online dating. Still, it would be inaccurate to say that everyone who edits their pictures are out to deceive others, as they are going to be plenty of people who simply want to look their best. But even if someone doesn’t have an ulterior motive, they are still going to be deceiving others. An Illusion When they edit their pictures, they will not be presenting themselves as they are; they will be presenting a false image. It could be said that it is one thing to want to put their best foot forward, so to speak, and another thing altogether to change their appearance. One could believe that they don’t look as good if they don’t edit their pictures, but it could be said that this doesn’t matter. What matters is that they present themselves in a way that actually reflects who they are, and this will then give them the chance to attract someone who likes who they are. Awareness As even if they do believe that they look better after their pictures have been edited, there will come a time when another person meets them in the flesh. And if the person they meet ends up having a negative response and doesn’t want take things further, they will soon see how important it is for them to upload images that match up with their appearance.
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While something can take place at one moment in time, it doesn’t mean that this will be the case at another. As a result of this, what one generation spent a lot of time doing another generation might have no interest in doing it.
When this relates to something that is destructive, it could be said that this will be a good thing. It can show that this generation is better informed than the one before them, and this is something that is to be expected. One Direction Based on this, it would be accurate to say that each generation is smarter and wiser than the generation before them. Therefore, if there is a problem, the people who are not even born yet will put it to an end. However, although this can sound right, life is clearly not this black and white. If someone was to look back on history, they may find that certain things have improved overtime, but they could also see that certain things have gone the other way. Devolution Due to this, someone from one generation can wonder what has happened to the people who were born many years after them. For example, their generation may have fought for something and they could find that these people are trying to go back to how things were. Still, this is not to say that these people are consciously aware of the kind of consequences that their actions are creating and are likely to create as time passes. If they were aware of the effect their actions are having, they might change their behaviour. One Focus At the same time, they might not care about what happens in the future and their only interest could be to fulfil their own needs. It is then not going to be possible for them to take a step back and to reflect. One thing that this relates to is the area of free speech, and how this is something that has come under attack in recent years. One outlook that a lot of people support is that this is something that can only take place if it doesn’t cause offence. A Good idea This then places people’s feelings above all else, and it is then going to mean that they will need to walk on egg shells. On the surface, this is something that can sound like a good idea; especially if someone is able to empathise with others. When they can do this, they are not going to want to cause other people to experience emotional distress. On the other hand, if someone is unable to empathise with others, they are unlikely to care about other people’s feelings. Impossible However, even if one is able to empathise with others and they don’t go out of their way to offend them, it doesn’t mean that they will never offend them. What this comes down to is that whether another person is offended or not is largely out of their control. The reason for this is that there is what they say and do on one hand, and how another person interprets these things on the other. Ergo, the only way one would no longer offend others is if they were no longer alive. Another Angle So even though someone can believe that they should do everything they can to make sure that they don’t offend others and encourage other people to do the same thing, it could be said that they are completely misguided. If anything, they should think about how they can’t control how other people feel. And when the chance arises, they should encourage people to take responsibility for how they feel. Through taking this approach, they will no longer be someone who tries to erode free speech. Caught Up Yet if one is unable to take responsibility for how they feel and they believe that other people define what is taking place within them, they are unlikely to change their behaviour. Along with this, it won’t be hard for them to find people who have the same outlook. This is something that can take place through going online, and one will find a number of different websites and videos, for instance, that support their outlook. What this shows is that while the internet has given people a platform to make a positive difference in the world, it has also given them the opportunity to do the complete opposite. Two Sides There is then going to be the effect that one has on others and there is going to be how they are affected by their inability to contain their emotional experience. For one thing, it is going to be a challenge for one to let in new information. As when they come across someone who offends them, they are not going to look into why they feel offended. The only thing they will do, after experiencing a strong emotional reaction, is to do everything they can to silence them. Online Or if they come across someone online, they could end up blocking them or trying to have them banned, for instance. What this shows is that one can have far more control online than they do offline. Even so, the control that this gives them can be more than enough, and what takes place online can affect someone offline. This is why people have been arrested for expressing their views on social media. Emotionally Stunted And along with having a closed mind and not being able to see other points of view, it is also going to mean that one will end up staying at their current level of emotional development. It then won’t matter how many years pass as their emotional age won’t match up with their chronological age. This undeveloped part of them will then continue to control their life and their ability to think rationally will be out of action. They will then carry on trying to control what others say in order to regulate their own emotions. Awareness If one can relate to this and they no longer want to blame other people for what is taking place within them, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. During this time, they will gradually begin to develop their mental and emotional strength.
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While someone can spend time with people that they appreciate, they can also spend time with people who irritate them. As a result of this, not everyone is going to feel the same when they are around their friends.
When it relates to the former, one could find that they have the same values as the people they spend time with. How they live their life is then a reflection of how one lives their life, or there are likely to be similarities. Fulfilling Therefore, being in their company will one to allow to fulfil certain needs and this is going to have a positive effect on their life. Now, this is not to say that one will believe that these people are perfect, or that they will always agree with what they say or do. What it comes down to is that they will have a connection with them, and they are likely to realise that they are only human. So if they were to say or do something that one disagreed with, one could see it as part of life. Speaking Up And during these moments, they may decide to keep their thoughts to themselves and to carry on with their life. At the same time, one may feel the need to speak up about what is taking place for them. This will then allow them to talk about what is taking place in their mind and they may even open up about how they feel. As if this didn’t take place, the alternative might be for one keep it to themselves and then to let it out in other ways. Destructive When this happens, one could end up feeling emotionally disconnected from them, and this could undermine their relationship. This is not to say that the connection they have will erode overnight, but it could over time. Or one could end up talking about them behind their back, and this could soon get back to them. Their friend might begin to lose the trust they have developed and it could be a challenge for them to rebuild it. Communication What this emphasises is how important communication is and for one to deal with what is taking place within them. Through being able to speak up and to take responsibility for their own inner processes, there will be less chance that they will end up creating unnecessary ‘drama’. However, while this could be seen as the ideal approach to have, it is not going to be what always takes place. What this can also mean is that one will have the tendency to criticise their friends. A Different Relationship One could be in position where the people they spend their time with irritate them, and they will then feel the need to put them down in one way or another. It might not matter if they do or say something that bothers them, as they could be only too happy to have a go at them. And even if they are not in their company, they could spend a lot of time thinking about how incompetent they are, or how they get things wrong, for instance. Yet this doesn’t mean that they won’t criticise them behind their back. Another Experience When this happens, they could try to get other people to agree with them, and this can then make one believe that they are right. Along with this, one could also do this to prove how they are better than others. Once this has taken place, one can end up looking as though they have it all together and the other person can appear to have all the issues. Therefore, at a deeper level, one can believe that behaving in this will enhance their image. Stepping Back But even though one can have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will go along with what they say. After hearing about the kinds of things that they generally say about certain friends, they might start to wonder what is going on. For one thing, they could start to think about why one is friends with them in the first place; especially if they are so bad. They could also say that if these people are actually like this and one is friends with them, then what does it say about them. One Suggestion One way of looking at this would be say that it would be a good idea for one to walk away from the people who they constantly put down and to find some new friends. Through doing this, they will be able to spend time with people who they can appreciate. As these people are clearly having a negative effect on their life and this is not going to be good for their wellbeing. Yet although this can sound like the right thing for them to do, it doesn’t mean that they would go along with it. The Benefit Through surrounding themselves with people like this, it can stop one from having to face what is taking place within them. Thus, if they were to spend time with people who are different, there is a strong chance that they would end up getting in touch with their own uncomfortable feelings. At a deeper level, one can be carrying toxic shame and this can cause them to feel completely worthless, and this is then why they need to constantly put other people down. And as they are out of touch with what is taking place within them, it causes them to project their issues onto others. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to face what is taking place within them and then to work through this pain. The pain they will be dealing with might go back to what took place during their early years.
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In today’s world, it is not uncommon to hear about someone who has been offended by something. And while this could due to what another person has said to them, it could also be the result of something else.
In this case, one might have been watching TV or overheard a conversation that other people were having. At the same time, they may have read about something online, and this could be someone’s opinion or it could cover a number of different facts. One Outcome What they have come into contact with will have had a big effect on them and it won’t be possible for them to carry on with the rest of their life. Instead, there is a strong chance that they will feel the need to do something about what has taken place. In the past, they wouldn’t have had as many options as they do today; having said that, there is the chance that one would have simply carried on with their life. What this shows is how the world has changed and that being offended has become a normal a part of life for so many people. A Number of Options When it comes to the next step that one takes, it may involve telling their friends about what has occurred and/or they might go one step further. If they were to tell their friends, they may say that they should move on with their life, and that there is nothing they can do, for instance. Alternatively, they may also approach life in the same way and this could then mean that one will end up receiving their support. This can then give one the encouragement that they need to go one step further. From Here What this can mean is that one will end up going online and sharing what took place for them with other people. This could take place through starting a blog, or simply sharing a status on social media, for instance. However, if one isn’t interested in doing this, it doesn’t mean that they will be short of options. What they could do is find a blog that something else has created, or they could even make their own videos. Validation The feedback that they will get through doing this can cause them to come to the conclusion that they are right. Yet there is a strong chance that they already have this outlook and so this can cause them to feel morally superior. This doesn’t mean that everyone will agree with the stance that they have taken, but this might not bother them. One could then up blocking out anything that goes against their outlook, and it then won’t matter what other people say. A Part-Time Job When it comes to how often they are offended and what they end up doing shortly after, they could find that this takes up a lot of their time and energy. Therefore, they might have to overlook other areas of their life and to ignore certain needs. In fact, one might end up making a career out of being offended, and they could then see themselves as some kind of figurehead. They will then take it upon themselves to change the world and to do everything they can to make sure that people no longer offend others (while ignoring the fact that other people may find their behaviour offensive). Never Ending It can then be a challenge for one to relax, as there is always going to be something for them to do. Yet even though this will cause one to use a lot of energy, it can also allow give them a lot. As far as they are concerned, they could see themselves as being on some kind of moral crusade. One is then good and the people who offend others are bad, and it will then be down to them to make them see the light, so to speak. Another Angle Nevertheless, just because one has this outlook, it doesn’t mean that it matches up with what is actually taking place. What it can show is that one finds it hard to take responsibility for how they feel, and this then causes them to blame other people for what is taking place within them. One is likely to find it hard to experience self-control and this then sets them up to try and control what other people say and do. But instead of being able to acknowledge what is taking place internally, they end up focusing on what is taking place externally. Self-Reflection One way of looking at this would be to say that it would be a good idea for one take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place within them when they are offended. What this will do is give them the chance to see that it is what is taking place within them that is generally causing them problems. Thus, if one tries to control what other people say and do, they won’t be able to deal with what is taking place within them. This will then be similar to someone trying clean their eyes by cleaning their glasses; it won’t improve their own vision. Growth On the other hand, if one was to take the time to see why something causes them to experience a strong mental and emotional reaction, it will allow them to grow as a human being. For example, when one ends up feeling upset about something they hear, it can be a sign that something from their past has been triggered. And through becoming aware of this and healing this part of themselves, they might no longer be affected by the same thing. This will then allow one to live in the present moment as opposed to being thrown off-centre all the time. Awareness If one finds that they are constantly being affected by what other people say and do, it can be a sign that they need to develop mental and emotional strength, and they may also need to work on their boundaries. That is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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