If one made a mess somewhere, they could either clean it up or they could leave it where it was. If they were to take the first option, it might take them a while, and this may mean they have to put something else on hold.
However, if they were to take the second option, it might allow them to carry on with the rest of their life. There is then no need for them to put their life on hold, and they can carry on as if nothing has happened. Pleasure and Pain When one has to clean seething up, it is not going to be very pleasurable; it is likely to be something that will cause them to experience pain. Avoiding the problem can then strop one from having to get their hands dirty, so to speak. It could then only be a matter of time before they have forgotten about what happened, and if the same thing was to happen again, they could do the same thing. One could also be in a position where they have a lot going on, and this is likely to mean that they haven’t got much time. Time Passes On one side, there is the chance that one could overlook what took place, and through doing this, their life won’t be affected. Or if what has happened does have an impact, it could be minimal. In this case, it will be too insignificant to leave a mark, and one won’t need to worry about it. Yet as time passes, what didn’t affect them at one point in time could end up affecting them at another. The Other Side When this happens, one may start to see that it is not possible for them to overlook the mess that they have made. If it didn’t take a while to affect their life, it would have been easier for them to realise this. As it takes a while, it can be easy for one to believe that they don’t need to worry about what has happened. In the short-term, it might be possible for them to experience less pain; but in the long-term, they could end up experiencing even more pain. Consequences There could be a time where one needs to use a certain area, and this might not be possible because of the mess they have made. It could also create a bad impression if other people were to see what has taken place. Now, it could be said that these consequences are pretty insignificant; however, if one was to fall over what they had left, it could cause them to experience a lot of pain. This shows that there are a number of things that could arise as time passes. Relationships Likewise, if one had a relationship problem, they could either take the steps to work through what is happening, or they could overlook what is taking place. There is also the chance that they could go one step further, and instead of just ignoring what is happening; they could simply walk way. Through walking away, it can allow one to gain control of how they feel, and this can be seen as the best option. If they were to stay in contact with the other person, there is the chance that they would have to come into contact with feelings that would make them feel uncomfortable. Two Options It is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and this means that it could be seen as normal for one to want to avoid feeling uncomfortable. What could also encourage them to take this approach is if the relationships is not very fulfilling. Being around the other person may cause them to suffer in one way or another, and they can then come to the conclusion that they no longer want to have the other person in their life. Cutting the other person out of their life can then seem like the logical approach to take. Emotional Cut-off In this case, when one no longer has contact with someone it will allow them to experience emotional control. The feelings that they used to experience whilst they were in the other persons presence might no longer be experienced. Therefore, it will give one the chance to experience inner peace, and this could be something that they rarely, if ever, experienced around the other person. The trouble with kind of behaviour is that it is unlikely to allow one to work through how they feel, and this is because the other person is likely to be seen as the cause of what is taking place within them. Resistance One is going to be resisting what is taking place within them, and this can then cause them to create the same experience all over again. Along with this, it can cause one to stay emotionally attached to the other person. Thus, even though one can believe that they are no longer connected to them; this can be nothing more than an illusion. One can then be out of touch with how they feel, but at the same time, their behaviour can still be defined by the other person. Family While this is something that can take place with friends and in intimate relationships, it is also something that can happen with other family members. When it relates to a family member, one can end up moving to another part of town or even to another country. The kind of relationships one has with a family member can have a strong emotional charge, and they may find it hard to maintain their boundaries around them. Getting away from one family member or a number of members is then a way for them to experience mental and emotional relief. Awareness Through embracing how they feel and processing this pain, it will stop one from having to re-create the same dynamics in another relationship. Their life can be an expression of their true-self as opposed to being a way for them to avid how they feel. This is not to say that one needs to spend time with someone who has a negative effect on their well-being. This process can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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It could be said that to one degree or another people have always been concerned with their appearance, and in recent years, it could be said that they are more concerned than ever before. For a number of years, the mainstream media had the biggest influence when it came to someone’s appearance.
It would then have been normal for one’s appearance to be heavy influenced by what they saw in magazines and on TV, for instance. As a result of this, the media not only had incredible power when it came to one’s appearance, but also when it came to their well-being. Well-being This is because how one feels about themselves can be defined by how they look, and if they looked good in the eyes of the media, it would have allowed them to feel good about themselves. In this case, their appearance was not something that can simply overlook; it was something they needed to take care of. At the same time, there would have been people who were not defined by what they saw in the media, and it might then have been easier for them to feel good about themselves. Perhaps they had their own style, or they were not too concerned about their appearance. Age What would also have played a part in whether one was caught up in what the media presented would have been what part of their life they were in. At one part of their life, they may have done everything they could to crate the ‘right’ look. Yet as time passed, what they used to be concerned about might not have concerned them any longer, and this can be a sign that their priorities had changed. This is not to say that they just ignored their appearance; what it could have meant is that they had a more balanced approach. Normal One way of looking at this would be to say that when one gets older, they can end up feeling more comfortable with themselves. They are then no longer going to have the same need to please others, and this can allow them to settle down. It can then be normal for them to have less interest in their appearance and more interest in what is behind their appearance. In this sense, getting older can allow one to experience greater inner peace. Anti-Aging Getting older is often seen as something ‘negative’ in the western world and this can then lead to resistance. This is a natural response if one has been conditioned to believe that their value is defined by their age. This can then stop one form being able to experience inner peace as the years pass, and cause them to experience even more pressure. It they are able to stop themselves from being caught up by this, it is likely to make their life a lot easier. Today’s World While the mainstream media still has an impact on one’s appearance, nowadays, there is also social media. However, regardless of whether one looks at images in the media or on social media, they can still end up being deceived. This is because not only are images edited in the media; they are also edited on social media. Yet even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will realise this. Pressure When one doesn’t realise this, it can set them up to believe that they also need to look a certain way. Therefore, if the pictures that they take of themselves are not ‘perfect’, they can feel the need to edit them. On one side, this can allow them to feel as though their appearance matches up with others, but on the other side, it can also cause one to believe that they don’t look good enough. This is because their real appearance is not going to match up to the appearance they have after their pictures have been edited. Approval Nevertheless, sharing images online can allow one to receive approval, and this can then allow them to feel good about themselves. One will receive this approval through receiving ‘like’s’ and comments. It can then be important for them to look a certain way; if their appearance was to change, it might stop them from receiving these responses from others. If one feels comfortable in their own skin and they don’t depend upon the approval of others to feel good, it should stop them from being obsessed with their appearance. Obsessed However, if one doesn’t feel comfortable with themselves and they only feel good when they are receiving positive feedback from people on social media, it could be easy for them to end up being obsessed with their appearance. This could then cause them to overlook the other parts of themselves, and it will then be normal for their appearance to become more important than it needs to be. If they were to come across people who tell them they look fine, it might not have an effect on them. This is because their real appearance is not going to match up with their edited appearance online, and it is unlikely to match up to how other people look if they have edited their pictures. One Step Further One may find that editing their pictures is not enough, and that they need to change their physical appearance. This could then cause one to have some kind of cosmetic surgery and/or they could have cosmetic procedures that are non-surgical. But no matter what they do, there is the chance that they will always find something they don’t like about themselves. This is not because there is something wrong with them; it is because they are trying to obtain the unobtainable. Conclusion What this comes down to is that one will never be perfect, and regardless of what they look like, not everyone is going to accept them. If one is obsessed with their appearance, it might be important for them to take a step back from social media. Through doing this, it will give one to chance to focus on the other parts of themselves, and it will allow them to realise that there is more to them than just their appearance. If one finds it hard to feel good about themselves when they are not receiving approval from others, they might need to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one saw perfect skin in the past, it may have been because they were looking at images in a magazine; however, if one was to come across perfect skin in today’s world, it could be because they are using social media. And as one can use social media whenever they like, it also means that they can see perfect skin whenever they like.
But while one might realise that the only reason someone’s skin would look perfect in a magazine is because it has been edited; it doesn’t mean they would realise that the same process could take place on social media. As a result of this, it could cause one to believe that it is normal to have perfect skin. Reading between the Lines It could be said although there will be times when people do have perfect skin, there will also be times when they don’t. Along with this, there are likely to be plenty of people who rarely have good skin. When one has this outlook, they might not feel the need to always have perfect skin. For one thing, they will know that this is not always going to be possible, and it will then be a lot easier for them to feel good about themselves. Acceptance If one believes that their skin should always be flawless, they are going to set themselves up to suffer unnecessarily. While it is going to be easy for someone’s skin to look flawless in a magazine or on social media; it won’t be as easy in the real world. One can’t simply press a few buttons and transform their skin; the only option they may have is to use something on their face. For a woman, this could be make up, and for a man, this could be some kind of moisturiser. A Long Term Solution These options could provide a short-term solution; however, if one wanted to improve their skin, it will be important for them to take a closer look at their life; one may find that they need to change their diet, and they may need to get more sleep, for instance. It might also be important for them to look into how they feel each day, as they might be experiencing too much stress. Through looking into each of these areas and making the necessary changes; their skin may start to improve. The key Area The area that one is most concerned about could be their face, and this is because this is the area that everybody sees. There would then be their neck, hands, and arms. If they lived in a hot country and had the need to wear less clothing, it would include other areas of their body. When one is in a relationship with someone or if they just share their body with another person, they are also going to reveal more. A Profession One could also have a profession where their body is on show, and it will then be important for them to look after their skin. It won’t be enough for them to look after the skin on their face; they will need to look after the skin on every part of their body. On one hand, one might be in a position where they struggle with spots, and on the other hand, they might be in a position where they suffer from dry skin. If one can relate to the former, it may mean that their skin is not painful, but if they can relate to the latter, it may mean that their skin is painful. A Common Approach If one has skin that is painful, there is a chance that they will go to see their doctor, and one approach might be for them to go onto some kind of antibiotics. During this time, they are likely to be asked about how long their skin has been like this. They might be asked about their skin care routine, and their diet might be another area that is looked into. Through taking this approach, one may find that it is only a matter of time before their skin starts to heal. Another Factor Along with this, one could also look into what was taking place in their life when their skin started to change. If their skin has been like this for quite some time, it might be hard for them to do this. It will be important for one to look into what was taking place around them on one hand, and to look into what was taking place within them on the other. This is because although one can have experiences in their life that are stressful; they can also experience stress due to what is taking place within them. Both Ways What this shows is that that there is not just what happens, there is also how one responds to what happens. Also, if one feels stressed on the inside, they can end up creating experiences that mirror how they feel. This is why it will be important for them to look into what has been taking place around them and what has been taking place within them. When one has skin problems, it can be a sign that their boundaries are being crossed. Violation Not only do boundaries give one the ability to say yes and no; they also allow one to feel safe in their body. When one doesn’t feel as though it is safe for them to exist, they are likely to feel exposed. Their energetic boundary is then not going to exist, and it can then be normal for them to feel as though other people are getting under their skin, so to speak. As a result of this, they might not feel safe enough to speak their truth. Anger Through being walked over, one is likely to end up feeling angry; but as they don’t feel safe, they can end up disconnecting from how they feel. This energy then has to go somewhere, and one place it can go to is one’s skin. The cracks that appear can then be seen as a sign that something is trying to get out, and what is trying to get out can be the emotional energy that has built-up within them. There may have been a time in their life where they were taken advantage off, and this then have left a deep wound. The Cause If one doesn’t have boundaries as an adult, it could be a sign that they were not allowed to develop them as a child. During these years, their personal space might not have been respected. This could mean that one experienced some kind of physical abuse and/or it could mean that they were emotionally abused, for instance. Through what happened, they would have felt as though it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to work with a therapist who understands what they are going through. This may be a time where one will experience some kind of bodywork, or some kind of technique for healing trauma may be used.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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