When there is an absence of trust in a relationship there is inevitably going to be certain problems that arise. Whereas although there is still going to be problems when trust does exist, there is less chance of jealousy appearing or if it does exist, then its effects will be minimal. As human beings, we have a wide range of emotions that can be experienced. And while some of these are often classed as positive and some as negative, they are all part of what it means to be human. Some of these can be embraced and some of them can be denied, but they will always be there and won’t just disappear. Jealousy Jealousy is an emotion that can’t be removed, and yet just because it does appear, it doesn’t mean that it reflects reality. It could be the result of what one is projecting onto a certain occurrence or the relationship in general. When this happens, one is not seeing what is really taking place; they are seeing what they want to see. An interpretation is made and this then becomes the truth, regardless of it is actually so. The Experience And as the emotional experience can be so powerful, it is likely to be a real challenge for one to see when this is the case. This emotion, along with many others, could cause one to lose their ability to be conscious and they could end up doing things that create even more issues. Their mind could end up being flooded with all kinds of ‘negative’ thoughts. As well as different scenarios and stories that not only support how they feel and but also have the potential to enhance how they feel. The Real So during certain moments it is clear that when jealousy does arise, it is for a good reason. It is there to notify someone that something is not right and some kind of action needs to be taken. If one was in a relationship with another and they displayed behaviours that were inappropriate, then one is unlikely to trust this person and therefore to feel jealous would be normal. Examples Perhaps one is with someone who is overly flirtatious and attention seeking; with the need to gain approval or acceptance from just about every man or woman that they come across. Boundaries are then a challenge for this person, with one not knowing what their partner is going to do with others or what they are going to allow others to do to them. The Imagined When one feels jealous as a result of how they perceive something and not because of how it actually is, it can be taken as the truth. Once the mind triggers the emotions, thoughts and sensations for instance, the ability to see the reality of a situation can disappear. And what they are going through then has nothing to do with what their partner is doing and everything to do with their own interpretation of it. Examples So their partner could talk to other men or woman or they might decide to go for a night out or to go on holiday without them and one ends up feeling extremely jealous. Consequences Uncertainly is then going to consume their mind and this is going to lead to further consequences. So even though this is just their imagination and doesn’t reflect reality, they are still going to experience the same things. They could talk openly about it and deal with it this way, or they could deal with what is going on for them on the inside. This would be a way to move beyond this challenge in a way that could lead to deeper intimacy and strengthen the relationship. But if one doesn’t talk about it or face what is going on within them, then everything could get worse. They could accuse the other person of something that they haven’t done and this could create further distance and even cause the relationship to end. A Pattern It then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and although it doesn’t reflect what the reality of the situation, ones actions will make sure it does. This could be a pattern that one has and this challenge appears over and over again. So their current relationship is then fraught with jealousy or they keep sabotaging their relationships because jealousy completely takes over. They then lose the ability to be objective and to see situations for what they are. The Trigger When one experiences jealousy on a regular basis and it has nothing to do with what is taking place, it is going to be due to the ego minds interpretations. While jealousy can be felt strongly, it is nothing more than a surface level emotion. For example, one can get angry and this is a way for them to protect themselves against a real or perceived threat. And underneath the anger will be a sense of being compromised or violated in some way and the same applies to jealousy. A Deeper Look So below the jealousy is going to be what one feels in their chest and what they feel in their stomach. If one is out of touch with their emotional body, then these may not be easy to indentify. In their chest this could relate to feeling: rejected, abandoned, alone and a sense of loss, amongst others. In the stomach, this can relate to: powerlessness, hopelessness, loss of control and even the experience of death. Childhood At first glance, these emotions could seem out of place and extreme and yet they typically relate to ones childhood years. Time has passed and one has grown up physically, but emotionally they have remained the same. As a baby, one is completely dependent and needs constant attention. And to experience a loss of attention as a baby and a child, is going to have the potential to cause a lot of emotional pain. No caregiver is perfect and they don’t need to be; so there is going to be times when one felt abandoned. And this will happen even more when they were brought up by a caregiver that was neglectful. So through these emotions and feelings not being dealt with, they would have stayed trapped in one’s body. Awareness Ideally, when one has a relationship with another adult it is going to be based on trust and mutual choice. Each person is in the relationship because they want to be and not because the other person is forcing them to be. So if this is the case and one feels jealous, there is a strong chance that their past is still affecting them. To have these trapped feelings and emotions in one’s body is going to make it a challenge to respond to life as it is, as opposed to how it once was. These trapped feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them.
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Through the invention of the internet, people have been given a platform to express their views and opinions. And while this need is nothing new and has not just appeared, it has made it a lot easier for people to speak out and this is due to a number of reasons. When one is expressing their views in the real world, so to speak, there is often greater need to watch what they say. And this is because they will be watching other people and basing their responses, in part, to how they are responding. In these cases, it is in real time and one is under external pressure to a certain degree. But when they are behind a computer screen or typing into a phone, they have a barrier to protect them from this external pressure. In person, one could hide their real views in order to avoid being rejected or criticised. But the internet has minimized this and one can say how they feel, without having to face these social consequences. Of course, one can be honest in public, just as much as they can lie about what is really going on for them on the internet. And yet, if someone does express their truth on the internet, they have more control over what does or doesn’t happen to them. Reactions How other people react on the internet to a comment that one has made can still have an impact. And as the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined, one can still have the same experience. So if one was to state their views in public: they could feel a certain way; have sensations that arise and their body will also respond. And the same thing can happen when one is behind a screen and says something on the internet. The Difference What is different though, is that is can be lot easier to lie about what is going on when one is behind a screen, as opposed to expressing their views in person. To be face to face with someone allows for their body language to be observed, what their facial expressions are, how their voice is responding and their energy. When it comes to being behind a screen, these are all invisible and unable to be detected. And this naturally makes it a lot harder to understand what another person is truly going through. Plus being behind a screen allows one to take their time to respond; thereby more lies can be concocted. When it is in person, there is less time to make something up and it can be more authentic. This means that other ways have to be used to try and understand what is really going on for someone; beyond all of the illusions that can be created to disguise their true motives. Honesty Although one can have the need to express what they are really experiencing in life, there can be certain blocks that stop them from being completely honest. And some people will naturally have more defences than others. As to be human means that we are emotional beings; so there will be an emotional reason for just about everything one does. So when one makes a comment, it is going to be due to what it triggered within them and not necessarily because of what they were reading, watching or listening to; we all have our own personal reality and see the world as we are, not as it is, as Annais Nin once said. But when these feelings and emotions that arise are deemed as inappropriate by the mind, different defence mechanisms will be utilized. Emotional Awareness If one is aware of their emotions they will be able to tune into what is going on and to use their intellect to respond accordingly. So this means that their emotional experience will be embraced and not denied. There is then a balance between the two and the intellect will not deny ones emotional side. Ultimately, one will own their own emotional reactions and this will then cause them to make comments that are supportive and positive. And if they can’t do that, then they will be constructive. Emotionally Unaware But when one is not emotionally aware and is not able to own their emotional reactions, this will be projected externally and will go on out of their awareness. So this means that they will be convinced that what is going on externally is the reason for their emotional reactions, and that is if they are even aware of them in the first place. This is where the defence mechanism will appear and there will be numerous ones for them to use. Projection So one will have certain feelings and instead of owning these, they will attach them to others and try to make them feel what they are not willing to. Let’s say that one reads something and this triggers repressed shame for instance, they could then say that the piece of writing is harmful and that is has the potential to impact others in a negative way. When in reality, the piece of writing is relatively neutral and is designed to assist people, but as they are cut off form their own emotional truth, it is not possible for them realise this. If they dug a little deeper, they might find that it reminded them of something they have denied within themselves; a certain trait they have that causes them to feel ashamed. Other Ways Another common approach that can arise from one cutting themselves off from what they are feeling, is to just talk about details and pieces of information. One could then read something and instead of being honest about what is triggered within them, they will just go to the other extreme. What is written might end up receiving extreme criticism and being condemned. It then doesn’t matter what the piece of writing says or what is being said or shown. At best this could result in a negative comment being made and at it a worst, it could mean that an abusive comment is made. Awareness Ideally, one would be aware of what is going on for them and then see how or even if it actually relates to what they are looking at. This would allow them to leave a comment that is at least relevant in some way and if they can’t do this, then it won’t be abusive. But when one doesn’t deal with their emotions and they repress their so called ‘darker side’, then these will have to come out. And when these have build up to a certain degree, one can end up being a ticking emotional time bomb. Commenting is then a way for someone to get an emotional release and because it is done behind the scenes, it can be seen as acceptable. But it is just another form of abuse and one that can exist through a lack of awareness. As human beings, we all make mistakes and we all have our blind spots; we are not perfect and we can’t know everything. So if one wants to truly help another, then being constructive is the best approach to take.
For some people, music is a vital part of life. It is there when they are feeling up and during those moments when they are feeling down. It is then not just a nice addition and something they simply enjoy, it as much a part of their life as breathing is. And while one can feel let down by others from time to time or even as a way of life, music is always there for them. Demands are not made and obligations are nowhere to be seen; one is given what they need without anything being asked of them or anything being taken away. When it comes to what someone needs when they listen to music, it is inevitably going to depend on what is going on in someone’s life and as to how they feel. This is because music has the ability to reach someone on many levels and to touch them in ways that nothing else can. Validation So no matter what one is going through in their life, music will be there to validate and acknowledged their experience. This could mean that one wants to feel: uplifted for a night out, relaxed after a hard day’s work, motivated to push harder at the gym or embraced after a loss. These are just a few examples and there are many other reasons to listen to music. Music can just be listened to and that’s as far as it goes, but when ones current experience is validated by it, it become so much more than just a sound. What it can end up being is a form of therapy, and this can lead to one feeling nourished on many levels; mentally; emotionally, physically and even spiritually. And as music doesn’t judge, one is able to fully embrace music and to completely merge with it. Letting Go There is then no need to put on an act or to put up ones guard, one can just let go and surrender to what they are hearing. To allow the music to take them on a journey and this has the potential to leave them changed forever. Not only could they change what they are going to do in one moment of their life, the whole direction of their life could change. And if one was in a very low place and was on the verge of taking their life, this could be a massive change For example, when one feels heard and validated in life, it then makes it possible for them to let go and to move on from what is holding them back. And when one doesn’t have anyone around to do that for them, music can fulfil that role. The Ripple Effect And not only will this benefit one’s own psychological healthy, it can also have far reaching consequences. How one treats the people they are closest too and even so called ‘strangers’ can also benefit, from someone’s state of mind being transformed through listening to music. What it comes down to is that music makes people feel good and if it can’t do that. it can at least make them feel better about their life. And when someone feels good, they are more likely to behave in ways that either support others, or at the very least do not harm them. Many Ways There are also many ways for one to listen to music and this can lead to different experiences being had. If one was to listen to it in their bedroom, it would be a very personal and even an intimate experience. Whereas, if they went to a concert or some kind of gig, it could cause them to feel more connected to humanity. And with everything the media comes up with about people doing this or people doing that, it can create division and a sense of unease amongst people. Others are then not their fellow brothers and sisters, so to speak, they are people who one needs to watch out for and be wary of. Music But while human beings have different coloured skin, believe different things and come from different places for instance, when music is involved, all of that goes out the window. What is left is that beyond these differences, we are all human beings. And without music, the human experience would not be the same; it would be empty, bleak and the meaning of life would come under even closer scrutiny.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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