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If someone’s emotions are not settled and they are all at sea, so to speak, there is the chance that they are going through a challenging time. Or, it could show that something in their life has had a big impact on them.
The next step might be for them to reach out to a friend or a family member, for instance, for support. When it comes to the person who they reach out to, this could be someone they know they can trust. The Next Step As one talks about what is going on for them, the other person may simply listen to what they have to say. Along with this, this person may also validate what they are saying by showing concern and repeating some of what they have said, among other things. One might be pleased with how this person is responding and be grateful that they are spending time together. It will then be clear that they didn’t want this person to do anything for them; they simply wanted them to be there. Emotional Containment They would have lacked inner stability; with this being the reason why they reached out for someone who could provide them with external stability. In the same way that taking water out of the sea and putting it into a bucket would gradually settle the water down, spending time around someone who is settled would have had a similar effect. So, thanks to the external structure that this person provided, spending a little while in their company would have allowed them to slowly regain their centre. Taking this into account, the only thing this person needed then was the ability to hold the space, not to be a trouble shooter. Two Elements This can be seen as an example of what happens when someone is fully identified with their feminine aspect. This part of them will give them the need to express what is going on for them. What they won’t want is for another person to stop this from taking place or to start telling them what they need to do to change their life. Like water, their emotions will just want to go wherever they want to go, not to be restricted in any way. The Other Part This is then very different to the masculine aspect, which wants to find a solution to a problem and to move things forward. To this part, expressing emotions and talking about them can seem like a waste of time. Bearing this in mind, it can be easy to see why two people can clash when one of them is fully indentified with their feminine nature and the other is fully indentified with their masculine nature. It will be hard for these two people to connect and to feel as though they speak the same language. Conflict The person who simply wants their feelings to be acknowledged can end up feeling invalidated and as though the other person doesn’t care about them. It can seem as though this person just doesn’t get them. On the other hand, the person who is in problem solving mode can believe that the other is merely wasting time and even acting like a child. They won’t be able to comprehend why this person doesn’t want to hear about what they can do to change their life, so that they can move forward. Black and White It would be easy to say that all women are emotional and all men are logical, yet life isn’t this black and white. There are men who can be more attached to their feminine aspect and women who can be more attached to their masculine aspect. Now only this, regardless of how attached someone is to one aspect, there can still be moments when they have completely indentified with the other. This can be what happens if someone’s life has changed in some way. Loss Let’s say that someone loses a loved one, this could have a dramatic effect on their behaviour. Before this took place, they may have been an emotional person, only to shut down emotionally after this took place. Then again, they may have been someone who was highly intellectual, only to become extremely emotional after this occurred. Their change in behaviour could last for quite some time, too. Awareness If someone has a friend or a family member who reaches out for emotional support, the only thing that they may need to do is to show up and to listen. This might be hard for them to do if they are used to solving problems, but it will be what the other person actually needs at this time in their life. It might take a while for them to get used to behaving in this way if they are used behaving in the opposite manner. What it will do, however, if save them energy and it may have a positive effect on their relationships in general.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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In the same way that it is not always possible for someone to eat when they are hungry, it is also not always possible for them to embrace how they feel after a loved one passes on. But, while they will most likely be able to ignore their hunger from time to time without it having much of an impact on their life, the same can’t be said for ignoring how they feel after a loss.
If someone ignores their hunger pangs, it will probably only be a matter of time before they reappear and are fulfilled. One will then have ignored them at one point in time, but they won’t ignore them at another. A Different Experience If someone ends up ignoring how they feel after a loved one has passed on, they might end up embracing how they feel a little while later. Then again, they might continue to ignore how they feel as time goes by. Embracing how they feel, on the other hand, will allow them grieve the loss, with this being a process that may last for a number of years, not months. Naturally, this is going to be the best approach for them to take. Out of the Way However, even if one doesn’t take this approach and they ignore how they feel, it doesn’t mean that their feelings will continue to appear. As time goes by, they could end up losing touch with how they feel. Not only can this happen, but one can forget about what was taking place for them when they lost a loved one. One will then have lost a loved one, yet it can be as though this moment has been wiped from their life. Another Form of Communication Still, just because one can lose touch with how they feel, it doesn’t mean that their body will no longer try to get their attention. Their body will no longer be able to do this via feelings, but it can do this via physical pain. For example, one may find that they start to get headaches, have stomach aches and/or that they have breathing problems. They may also find that they have the tendency to feel flat and as though they have no energy. Confusion If they are unable to link what happened with what is now taking place for them, they may end up going on tablets. This won’t resolve what is taking place in their body, but it might take some of their pain away. As pain is typically seen as something that needs to be removed as opposed to explored, it could be said that it is not a surprise that something like this would take place. One may then be able to carry on as normal. Out of Nowhere Even if this sorts them out for a few months or even a few years, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be reintroduced to the grief that is within them at one point in time. Something small might trigger it or it could be something that is fairly significant. If something small triggers it, one might wonder why they are reacting so strongly to something that shouldn’t have had such a big impact on them. No matter what has happened, it will have brought up how they felt when they lost a loved one. Overwhelmed Irrespective of how much time has passed, the emotional experience will be as raw as it was all that time ago. What plays a part here is that even though their mind has a sense of time, their emotional body doesn’t. They could end up crying a lot, lose motivation and the will to live, and they might feel the need to withdraw. It will be as if their whole personality has completely changed, so much so that some of the people in their life might find it hard to comprehend how different they are. Down but Not Out The time will now have come for them to face how they feel and to work through their grief. Holding all this pain in will have taken a fair amount of energy, and now they will need a lot of energy to undertake this journey. If they try to avoid what they are going through and to push it out of their awareness again, they might not get very far. Even if this approach does work, it won’t be long until this pain comes up again with even more ferocity. Delayed Grief If one was to look into why they didn’t face this grief when they lost a loved one, they may find that the pain was simply too much for them to handle. Alternatively, they may have had to take care of other family members at the time. Due to this, there would have been people around them who needed a lot of support, preventing them from being able to be there for themselves. It is unlikely that this was something they thought about; it would have most likely just happened. Awareness If someone has realised that they are experiencing delayed grief, and they want to work through it, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about the amount of people who are committing suicide. This may show that it is more common than before or it may show that this is something that is receiving more exposure than before.
It has also been said that more men commit suicide than women, but that this is only because men are far more likely accomplish this outcome. This is then something that affects both genders. Breaking down the Walls Thanks to the attention that this issue is now getting in the public eye, it is taking away a lot of the stigma. But, in the same way that a house isn’t built overnight, this problem won’t be eradicated overnight either. Still, as a consequence of what has taken place, numerous people out there have benefited from the work that has already been done to encourage people to reach out for support. Along with this, there will be the people who are currently being assisted in this very moment, and those who will be in the future. All Walks of Life When it comes to suicidal thoughts, this is something that just about anyone can experience. In others words, it doesn’t matter how much someone earns, how successful they are or what their background is. So, while it would be easy to assume that this is something that only takes place if someone lives on the street or is down on their luck, for instance, it can take place even if someone lives in a mansion or appears to have it all together. Masters of Disguise Yet, even if someone does have suicidal thoughts, it doesn’t mean that the people in their life will realise. There can what is taking place within them and then there can be what they reveal to other people. Through wearing a mask around others, they could create the impression that everything in their life is going fine. Or it could be clear that something is not right about them, but that could be about as far as it goes. A Massive Difference Naturally, there is a monumental difference between someone feeling a bit down or off, and wanting to end their life. However, although there is a big difference, it can still be possible for someone to cover up what is actually going on for them. The downside to this is that by wearing this mask around others, it is going to be even harder for them to get the assistance that they desperately need. When this takes place, it can show that they are carrying a fair amount of shame. A Prison Through carrying so much shame, they can believe that opening up about what is taking place for them would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. Said another way, they would end up being ostracised. This will show that they are carrying too much shame, which is why their shame is having a negative effect on their life. Someone like this can be then surrounded by people, but they may as well be on an island in the middle of nowhere. The Experience In addition to having suicidal thoughts, someone could also have moments when they feel as though they just want to die. During these moments, it is going to be clear that they will be in a lot of pain. This could be an inner experience that they have throughout the day, or it might be something that comes over them a few times a week, for instance. But, no matter how often they have this experience; it is unlikely that they will be able to simply think their way out of it. The Cause If they were to look back on their life, what they may find is that they only started experiencing life in this way after a certain event in their life. Perhaps they experienced a break up, lost a loved one, or lost their job. Then again, this could be an inner experience that they have had for as long as they can remember. Therefore, they won’t need to experience anything significant in order to have these thoughts and to feel this way; the only thing that they may need to experience is a certain amount of stress. A Deeper Look The reason why someone can carry so much pain as an adult, and want their life to end as a result, can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. What has taken place in their adult life will then have triggered the pain that was already within them. This could show that one was neglected during their early years, and it could even be a sign that they experienced a lot of pain when they were born. At these stages of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to handle this pain. The Only Option Thus, through not having the ability to handle this pain or having anyone else around to sooth them, they would have wanted their life to end so that they would no longer be in pain. Their system would have been overwhelmed, which would have meant it would have most likely felt as though they would die anyway. The years would then have passed, but they will still be carrying the trauma that they experienced all those years ago. Until this trauma is resolved, it is unlikely that their life will change. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are going to be moments in everyone’s life when things are not running smoothly, with this being a time when they may need someone to open up to. If they were to reach out to someone, they could just go over what has been going on.
After this has taken place, one could soon direct their attention to the other person. This could be a time when one will ask about how they are and what has been taking place in their life. Another Time However, even if one doesn’t place their attention on what the other person has been going through, this could be something that rarely takes place. Therefore, when they usually talk to this person, it will be a two-way exchange. Perhaps, there have been moments when the other person has not been in a good place, causing them to only share what is going in their life. This is then just going to be part of life and not something that can be avoided. Drama Free It won’t be that one was getting bored and needed something dramatic to take place to keep them busy, either. Maybe they are having family problems or there could be something that is not right at work. This could be something that rarely takes place, meaning that they may usually have something positive to share when they reach out to others. Or at the very least, it might be something that is fairly neutral. Slightly Drained After one has opened up about a challenge they are going through, the other person may feel slightly weighed down by what has been uploaded onto then. If they are an ‘empath’, for instance, it can have an even greater effect on them. Fortunately, this won’t be something that the other person has to experience on a regular basis; if it was, it would undoubtedly have a negative effect on their wellbeing. Once the interaction has come to an end, they may need to do something to cleanse their energy – to restore their mental and emotional equilibrium. A Radical Different Dynamic Now, while the above will be a scenario that plenty of people will be able to relate to, there will be others who are unable to do so. For these people, the above scenario can sound too good to be true. What this can illustrate is that someone like this can have at least one person in their life who is always sharing their problems with them. It is then not going to be something that takes place every now and then; it will take place on a weekly, if not daily, basis. One Focus In this case, one can generally reach out to others when something is going wrong in their life. There may be moments when they are going through some heavy stuff, while at others it might be fairly trivial. Even so, one won’t take the time to find out about how the other person is; what they are going through is likely to be seen as being far more important. If the other person was to talk about their life, one might come across as apathetic or they may say that they have to go. Hooked On Drama One is not going to have a life that runs smoothly; it will be one problem after another. But, although one may come across as though they are not happy with how their life is, it will be clear that this is not completely true. If someone has just met them, they may believe that they are a victim and that the world has got it in for them. Their view of this person is likely to change, though, if they were to spend a certain amount of time with them. Wiped Out The person who one is sharing their problems with is likely to end up feeling drained after spending time with them. One won’t have put their teeth into them, so to speak, but they will have still sucked a lot of their life force out of them. If someone is an ‘empath’, it may be even harder for them to recover from an interaction like this. Ultimately, one will have dumped a fair amount of their negative energy onto them and taken a lot of their positive energy away. Two Parts Firstly, there is going to be what is going on for the person who has the tendency to dump their emotions onto others and, secondly, there will be what is going on for the person who has tendency to attract these people into their life. It would be easy to paint one person as the perpetrator and the other as the victim, but this doesn’t solve anything; this is a symbiotic relationship. There is a strong chance that both of these people have trouble with boundaries. A Deeper Look The person who has the tendency to dump their pain onto others probably doesn’t realise that other people are separate from them. Deep down, they may believe that other people are an extension of them. When it comes to the person who is often on the receiving end of this dumping, they may not realise that they are separate from others. Deep down, they may believe that they are an extension of others. Awareness The former is going to need to develop boundaries and to accept that other people are not responsible for them. The latter is also going to need to develop boundaries and to accept that they are not responsible for others. If one is used to being dumped on by others, they can be more likely to reach out for support; the reason being that they are far more likely to recognise that something is not right. This support can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is often believed that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts. Thus, if someone wants to change how they feel, it will be essential for them to change the thoughts that are running through their head.
The reason this is widely believed is partly due to the self-development industry, with their being hundreds, if not thousands, of books that espouse this view. Thanks to this information, people from all over the world now believe this. The Observer So, if someone wants to feel good, or even if they simply want to feel more at peace, it will be clear what they need to do. The first step might be for them to gradually detach from what is taking place inside their head. From here, they will have the opportunity to decide whether or not they will get caught up in a thought that arises. In addition to this, they can start to define what thoughts they have, which will allow them to experience ‘positive’ feelings. Black and White This is then going to be a pretty straight forward process, something that just about anyone can follow. Through using the willpower that is at their disposal, it will only be a matter of time before they will have mastered their emotions. There is the chance that this will be something that will take a matter of months, not days; but it will happen as long as one keeps going and doesn’t give up. This can be seen as a masculine approach, as one will be using a lot of force. An Analogy One way of looking at this would be to imagine that someone is trying to dig a small tree up. In the beginning, the tree won’t move but as long as they keep digging, the tree will begin to move. Each shovel of dirt that they remove will bring them closer to their end goal; being able to get the tree out of the ground. They will be using their strength in order to achieve their desired outcome. Intense Pressure Although there may be people out there who can change their feelings by changing their thoughts, there are going to be others who are unable to do so. Yet, if they believe that their thoughts create their feelings, they can come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with them. Unlike the people who are able to do this, it can be as if they are weak and incapable, lacking what is necessary to get their feelings under control. This could be something that has more of a negative effect on someone if they are a man, too. An Identity For example, a man could believe that he needs to come cross as a strong, which is not going to happen if he can’t manage his feelings. As a result of not being able to do this, he could end up feeling even worse than he already does. Needing to come across as strong and having it all together could also stop him from reaching out for support. He is then not going to be in a good way, but he will end up suffering in silence. Another Outlook In reality, the view that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts is a half-truth. There is no doubt that someone’s thoughts play a part in how they feel, yet it is not as simple as this. Not only is information going down, it is also going up; in other words, this is a two way process. Their thoughts can influence how they feel, just as their feelings can influence what they think. The Activator Let’s say that someone a carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; what is taking place in their head can bring this pain up to the surface. In this case, their thoughts have merely triggered what is already within them. The pain that is within them could relate to a traumatic experience in their life, or a number of experiences that left a mark on their brain and body. Through carrying so much pain, it can be more or less impossible for them to control their feelings through changing their thoughts. All at Sea This is then going to be the difference between one being in the middle of a bath and being in the middle of the ocean. It will be possible for them to stabilize the water in the bath, but they won’t be able to stabilize the water in the ocean. What this will show is that they are carrying a lot of pain, pain that needs to be resolved. This is going to stop them from being able to regulate how they feel, and this proves that there is something wrong with their inner world, not that they are weak. Awareness If another person does say that they are weak, this person might also be just as ‘weak’ if they were carrying trauma. It is going to be vital for someone to reach out for external support if they are carrying trauma. Suffering in silence is not the answer; this will only cause them to feel even worse as time goes by. This support can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are people in today’s world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don’t.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour. A Force for Good It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst. If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often. Business as Usual If someone in this position doesn’t reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts. Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour. How So? Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won’t have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work. It then won’t be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message. A Mountain Out of Mole Hill During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn’t go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven’t done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger. Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode. One Angle One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn’t in alignment with their high standards. Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right. Anger Management But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger. One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change. A Band-Aid However, while this person’s anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that’s if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things. Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue – the only thing it will do is manage a symptom. A Closer Look When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don’t want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn’t go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance. Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down. A Big Part of Them At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity. If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don’t want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable. Self-Knowledge What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by. But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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What someone may find is that it is only possible for them to relax when they are by themselves. Spending time around others is then going to be something that causes them to experience a lot of tension.
It might not matter if they spend time around friends or family either, as they could still feel uneasy. Therefore, while they will have the need to spend time around others, this is not going to be something that is very appealing. Part of Life But, although someone like this is going to have a very different experience around others compared with the people who don’t experience tension, this could be what is normal. So, for practically their whole life, they may have been this way. If this is something that they have become accustomed to, there is going to be no reason for them to do anything about it. It will be as if it is just part of who they are, meaning there is nothing that they can do about it. An Analogy In the same way that a fish won’t know that it is in water, due to not having been out of water, one won’t know that there is another way to experience life. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it will be as though they are so close to a picture that they are unable to see what it is. Ergo, in order for them to realise that there is another way for them to experience life, they will need to detach from the experience when they are around others. In the same way that a fish would need to leave water to realise that it is in water and one would need to take a few steps back to see a picture. Another Experience Then again, one might be only too aware of what is going on in their head, realising that this is not normal. Perhaps they have friends who are relaxed and full of confidence when they are around others. They could then spend a certain amount of time wondering what it would be like to be as carefree as them. Being around someone like this might allow them to feel better, but it is unlikely that it will enable them to behave in the same way. Too Much Nevertheless, regardless of whether they are too attached to their experience to see that something isn’t right or if they are aware that something isn’t right, it is still going to be a challenge for them to spend time around others. Whether they are shopping, meeting new people or going to a party, for instance, they are likely to feel overwhelmed. If they were able to describe what is taking place within them during this time, they may say they are experiencing anxiety and fear. They could also believe that they are being judged by everyone around them. Extreme Pressure With so much going on within them, it is to be expected that they won’t able to feel at ease and to express themselves. Whenever they are around others, it could be as if they are on a stage and that their every move is being securitized by the audience. One is then going to be extremely self-conscious around others, which will most likely cause them to be stuck in their head and out of touch with their body. Being the centre of attention is not going to interest them, yet it will be as though they are always the centre of attention around others. A Painful Existence Living life in this way is not going to be very pleasurable; life could be seen as something that they have to endure. They may find that that they need to drink alcohol to be able to relax and to reveal who they are around others. Without something to settle them down, their true-self is not going to be able to shine through. What is clear is that until something changes, their time on this earth will continue to feel like a burden. One Part What is clear is that one experiences a lot of ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings when they are in the company of others. This is likely to show that they have a strong inner critic that lays into them when they are around others. But, even though it is their inner critic that is judging them and not other people, it can seem as though other people are actually judging them. Now, clearly some people will judge them, but it is their inner critic that is causing the most damage. Another Part Consciously, one is going to resist what is taking place, and they would be only too happy for all this to finally come to end. Unconsciously, however, they can be attached to experiencing life in this way. Deep down, one can see themselves as someone who is worthless, causing them to feel comfortable with their inner critic’s abuse, feeling bad and being seen negatively. Their attachment to seeing themselves in this way will then need to end in order for them to talk to themselves differently, to change how they feel and to no longer expect to be seen in a negative light by others. Way Back What this can show is that their early years may have been a time when they didn’t receive the nurturing, love and support that they needed. Being treated badly wouldn’t have felt comfortable at this time, but it would have ended up being what was familiar and therefore what felt safe to their ego mind. The years would then have passed and one would have lost touch with what took place, yet their unconscious mind would have continued to feel comfortable with what took place. Without understanding the part that their unconscious mind is playing in how they are experiencing life, it will be as though these negative thoughts and feelings just appear out of nowhere and that they are not playing a part in what is taking place. Awareness By working through the trauma that is in their body, what is taking place in their mind will gradually change and they will also start to settle down around others. Their inner critic will gradually disappear, too, and this will mean that they won’t need to project this part of them onto others. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that a child will most likely perform a task better if their parent is speaking to them in a supportive manner, an adult is also likely to be able to perform a task better if they are talking themselves in a supportive manner. Not only this, it will be a lot easier for them to do well in general is this is how they typically talk to themselves.
A Team When one does have the tendency to talk to themselves in a positive manner, they are going to be their own best friend as opposed to their own worst enemy. So, even when there are moments in their life when they come across people who are not particularly polite, there will be no need for them to take it to heart. What they experience during these moments is then not going to be followed up by them having a go at themselves. How they are treated could just be put down the fact that someone is having a bad day or a sign that they simply speaking to others in the same way that they speak to themselves. Not A Match Due to what is taking place in ones inner world, the energy that is given off in moments like this is not going to take root in their being. It will be tantamount to trying to plant a seed in concrete; it just won’t grow. Still, this is not to say that there won’t be moments in their life when they feel stressed and slightly under the weather, which will make it harder for them to function in this way. Yet, this is not going to be the same as having a strong inner critic, day in, day out. A Challenge When they are trying something new, talking to themselves in a positive manner will allow them to experience good feelings. These feelings are likely to make them feel strong and powerful, and even if everything doesn’t go to plan, they will have their own back, so to speak. What they won’t do is end up verbally abusing themselves for making a mistake or for getting something wrong, for instance. Thus, no matter what happens, their emotional state is unlikely to drop too far down. Everyday Life And, even when they are not trying anything new, they won’t have a voice inside them that is there to beat them up about what they did - or didn’t do - in the past. There might be things that they would change if they could, but that doesn’t mean they will see this as a reason to lay into themselves. As a result of this, one will be able to look back and to gain valuable information from their past. Their past won’t be something that they use to make themselves feel as though they are useless or worthless, for example. Inner Balance If they do feel down, it could be a sign that they have recently lost someone or that something didn’t go to plan. Thanks to them not having a strong inner critic, they will be able to be compassionate towards themselves during these moments. Positive feelings are going to be a big part of their life, and along with feeling good, it might be normal for them to feel calm and at peace. Undoubtedly, their time on this earth is going to be infinitely more fulfilling that it will be for someone who has a strong inner critic. A Different Experience When someone does have a strong inner critic, they might not even realise that this part of them is basically an intruder. For most of their life, they may have had a voice within them that is not on their side. From the moment they wake up, until the moment they go to bed, it could have something negative to say to them. One is then not going to need to be in the company of someone who is abusive in order to experience abuse or to feel low. A Constant Battle They may have tried to fight this voice by achieving things, with this being a way to try to disprove the voice that is within them. But, no matter what they achieve, it is unlikely that this part of them will simply disappear. This part of them can still tell them how bad or worthless they are, amongst other things. Alternatively, one might have surrendered to this voice, tolerating all the abuse that it gives them. Rock Bottom Trying to fight this inner critic will take a lot of willpower, and when this energy source runs out every now and then, they will be defenceless – it will be like swimming across a lake, only to placed back on the other side shortly after. Ergo, regardless of whether they fight their inner critic or just give in to it, they are likely to be accustomed to feeling down. This inner critic will make it more or less impossible for them to be able to connect to their inherent value. Unsurprisingly, they could find that without the assistance of external sources (such as food, alcohol, drugs and/or sex), it is incredible difficult for them to experience good feelings. Self-Aggression What one may find is that they were brought up in an environment where their caregivers spoke to them in a similar way to how they speak to themselves. These voices were then internalised, setting them up to experience inner conflict. The aggressive part of their nature is not going to be on their side; it will be undermining them. This part of them, if it was on their side, could propel them forward and allow them to feel strong and capable; whereas all the time it is directed against them, it is causing them to slowly destroy themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Problems: Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Have Mental/Emotional Problems?13/10/2018
In recent years, there has been an ever increasing focus on mental and emotional health, and this can be seen as a good thing. For so long, this was something that was brushed under the carpet.
Nowadays, this is something that is spoken about in the media and people talk openly about what is going on for them on social media. So, as there is less pressure on people to hide how they feel and to look as though they have it all together, it is a lot easier for someone to open up and to share what is going on for them. Assistance If someone is in a bad way, and they decide to reach out for support, there are help lines, counsellors and different types of medications available. But, simply expressing what is going on to them to a friend or a family member, for instance, might be more than enough. And, what this comes down to is that human beings are not independent; they are interdependent. This is why it is so important for someone to open up and to share their load, so to speak, with others. A Cultural Flaw A belief that is deeply rooted in the west is that people are independent, but this is nothing more than an illusion. This is something that can become perfectly clear when someone is not in a good way and needs to open up to another person. Even so, if someone has been conditioned to believe that they are independent and that they should do everything by themselves, they can end up feeling weak for needing help. Fortunately, this conditioning won’t have been strong enough to stop them from reaching out. Two Scenarios Someone like this may have ended up in a bad way recently, or they may have been this way for a very long time. When it comes to the former, they may have soon realised that something wasn’t right and sought hep soon after. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, they may have gradually become used to what was going on for them. This, along with the shame that they experienced through having problems, may have been what caused them to suffer in silence for so long. A Big Factor What this illiterates is how powerful shame is, and how it can cause someone to become their own prisoner. With too much shame, someone’s primary aim will be to protect their own image and to make sure that they are not ostracised. It then won’t matter if they have mental and emotional problem as their need to protect themselves will take precedence. In this case, someone would need to understand that they won’t be end up being abandoned if they open up; but if another person was to turn their back on them, it wouldn’t have anything to do with their value as a person. Its Black and White However, regardless of whether someone has been able to reach out after suffering for years or only suffered for a little while, it will be clear that they wanted to change their life. Someone would have fought a long battle with themselves or it would have been a very short encounter. Shame is then something that has the potential to hold someone back, yet it is not necessarily something that will cause someone to completely surrender to their suffering and to accept it. At the same time, just because someone is consciously resisting what is going on for them; it doesn’t mean that another part of them doesn’t feel comfortable with it. Hidden or Out In The open What this means is that a small part of them will want to change their life but an even bigger part of them will have come to feel comfortable with suffering. This can sound like a ludicrous idea, especially if someone is not familiar with the nature of the unconscious mind. Therefore, irrespective of whether someone is suffering in silence or reaching out for assistance, they can still have a strong attachment to their pain. Due to how long they have been this way for, this pain can be a big part of their identity. Inner Conflict Someone can then be in a lot of pain and even reach out to others, creating the impression that they want to change their life, but another part of them won’t want their life to change. What this comes down to is that the unconscious mind associates what is familiar with what is safe, meaning that it doesn’t care about whether something is healthy or feels good. For example, someone could be used to feeling down, powerless, hopeless, helpless or worthless, and feeling this way could be what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Not only this, through feeling this way for so long, it could play a big part in how they see themselves. Being Empowered With this understanding, someone will be able to look into what is taking place at a deeper level, to work through it, and to embrace their inherent power and worth. Without this understanding, someone can end up feeling like a victim. It will then be as though they want to change but something (or someone) is holding them back. How they feel as an adult might match up with how they felt throughout their childhood years, which may mean that they don’t know what it is like to experience life differently. Awareness What this emphasises is that it is not always going to be possible for someone to change even if they say that they want to - there is a lot more to it. So, if someone’s whole identity is built around them having mental and emotional problems, and this allows them to receive attention and approval, for instance, letting go of this identity will be tantamount to death to their ego mind. In order for them to redefine themselves, it will take patience and persistence, and they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. There is the chance that they are carrying many layers of trauma that will need to be worked through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There appears to be a lot of people in today’s world who suffer from anxiety, and while this may be something that only affects certain areas of their life, it may be far more severe. When it relates to the former, there may be times when they are able to settle down and to feel at peace.
Nonetheless, when it relates to the latter, it might be hard for them to function in their day-to-day life. Due to what is taking place within them, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to settle down and to feel at peace. One Big Challenge It might not matter if they are around their close friends or if they are around people they don’t know, as they might feel equally as uncomfortable. Conversely, they may find that they are able to settle down slightly when they are around the people they know. This doesn’t mean that it will be as though they have entered a state of inner peace and harmony, but it might be a noticeable difference. Spending time around people like this is then going to be a big help. Protection So, even though this won’t be an experience that lasts for very long, it will be a welcome reprieve from how they usually feel. In addition to the time that they spend around others, there is the chance that they will prefer to avoid certain environments. What this will do is allow them to manage their anxiety better, and this is a good thing; the down side is that this will cause them to neglect a number of their other needs. Yet, through being so consumed with their need to settle themselves down, they might not even think about the rest of their needs. Isolation Along with avoiding certain places, they may end up spending a lot of time in their own company. This won’t be something that they choose to do because they like to spend time by themselves and neither will it be a way to recharge their batteries; so to speak, it will be another way for them to manage their inner world. Once again, this will stop them from being able to express themselves and from going after what they want in life. Therefore, while anxiety is not the same as fear, it is still something that will have caused them to contract as opposed to expand. Reaching Out There are, of course, numerous ways in which someone’s life can be affected when they experience high levels of anxiety, but, it is generally going to lead to a life that is not very fulfilling. Instead of making the most of the life that they have been given, they are going to be doing what they can to survive the chaos that is within them. One option would be for them to look into what they can do to change their life, while another option would be for them to continue to suffer in this way. If they have got to the point where they are no longer willing experience life in this way, they may well do something about what they are going through. A Common Approach The next step might be for them to do a search online and then to see their doctor or they may just do one of these things. If they were to do a search online, they may come to believe that the thoughts in their mind are the problem, and that this part of them needs to settle down in order for them to settle down. A visit to their doctor might cause them to come to the same conclusion, and this might result in them being referred to a cognitive behavioural therapist. Either way, their mind will be seen as the area that they need to focus on. The Answer Through monitoring their thoughts and changing the thoughts that they do have, along with breathing deeply, for example, their life may start to change. They may also be advised to meditate, too. At the same time, one could try this approach (or a similar approach) and it might not have much of an effect on how they feel. In this case, it might be a good idea for them to take their attention away from what is going on in their head and to take a closer look at what is going on in their body. A Deeper Look By taking this approach, it will give them the opportunity to find out of if their body is playing a part in what is going on. What they may find is that the reason they experience so much anxiety is due to the fact that they have been living in their head and not their body. If they were able to settle into their body and to get out of their head, they might be able to feel at peace. However, what can stop them from being able to get back into their body and to no longer live in their head is trauma. Two Parts The pain that is in their body can be what pushes them out of it, and, what is taking place within them can play a big part in how they perceive the world. In other words, what is taking place within them will end up being projected onto the external word, thereby causing them to be victimised by their own wounds. Therefore, for as long as they are carrying this trauma within them, it won’t be possible for them to stay in their body or to perceive the world differently. There may have been a time in their adult life when they felt completely overwhelmed or they may have felt this way all through their childhood years. A Defence Mechanism If this was how they felt during the beginning of their life, it may be a sign that they were abused and/or neglected. This would then have been a time when they had to leave their body in order avoid the pain that was within them and to be on alert to the danger that was around them – it wouldn’t have been safe for them to be in their body. The alternative would have been for them to stay with this pain, which would have been too much for them to handle. A number of years would then have passed since that time in their life, but, they will be behaving as though it is still not safe for them to be in their body and that they need to be hypervigilant in case anything bad happens. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 1,712,000 Article Views Online. My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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