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In order for someone to truly embrace life, they will need to be connected to their emotional self. The reason for this is that, through having this connection, they will know what they need to do and they will be able to connect to others.
Without it, then, they will struggle to know what it is that they need to do in life and they will have surface-level relationships with others. In other words, their intellect alone is not going to shed light on what it is that they need to do or allow them to deeply connect with others. The Outcome When one is out of touch with their body (emotional self) and their point of awareness is in their head (mental self), they will look towards the external world when it comes to what they should be doing with their life. Doing what others suggest may allow them to gain approval but it most likely won’t set their heart on fire. One way to look at their emotional self would be to say that it is a receptor that allows them to experience depth and a deep connection and, thereby, to truly take life in. So, with this part of them offline, they will only be able to go to a certain level with life and with others. The Point Of No Return Now, after experiencing life in this way for many, many years, one could get to the point where they have had enough. Feeling lost, empty, helpless, disconnected and alone, for instance, could be a normal part of their life and this will be unbearable. What could have given them an extra push is that their job could be soul-destroying or they might not have been able to deeply connect with someone who they wanted to connect with. Whatever it is, they won’t be able to carry on in the same way. Going Deeper At this point, it could be said that one is in a traumatised state and that’s why they are unable to be in their body and to connect with how they feel. What has taken place during their adult years could be put forward as having played a part. But, it is far more likely that what took place when they were growing up had the biggest effect. Going along with this view, this was the stage of their life when they split-off from their body. Too Much To Handle This could have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. If this did take place, it would have meant that they would have often felt overwhelmed, and leaving their body would have been a way for them to handle all the arousal. They wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away and to put what was taking place to an end; freezing up and leaving their body was their only option. Over time, living “up top” would have been their default position. From Adaptive To Maladaptive Therefore, while living on the surface of themselves is causing them problems now that they are an adult, there would have been a time when living in their way kept them alive. What took place would have shaped their brain and nervous system. Due to this, one is not going to be able to change their life by simply changing their thoughts and behaviour. To use an analogy: as it will be their hardware that is faulty, purely focusing on their software won’t cut it. Far More to It To go one step back, what if what took place during their early years was not the cause? What if what they are like as an adult goes back even further, to when they were in their mother’s womb? If this is so, it would mean that what took place during their childhood was a continuation of previous trauma and something that further strengthened what they had already been through. Or, this could explain why one’s childhood was fine, assuming it was, but they are emotionally disconnected. Right Back Their mother’s womb would have been their first environment and this environment would have shaped their developing brain and nervous system. With this in mind, if this stage of their life was not very nourishing and harmonious, it would have negatively impacted them. There can be a variety of reasons as to why this period of their life was traumatising but, irrespective of why this was, this would have been a time of their life that was incredibly painful and perhaps their “heart broke” (with this being the reason why they may have been born with heart problems and/or experienced them later in life). To handle what was going on, there would have been a split that took place, causing them to be a divided being long before they were even born. A Replay What this womb trauma would have done is stop them from being able to feel connected to their mother and to bond with her. How they feel as an adult will be a continuation of how they felt in their mother’s womb. Here, they may have felt disconnected, alone, fearful, terrified, helpless and, at least emotionally, they may have died whilst they were there. To say that this stage of their life was brutal would be an understatement. A Slow Process By the time they entered their second environment, the world, they would have been in a deeply traumatised and disconnected state. The trouble is that through being loaded up with so much trauma and emotional pain, whenever they do get in touch with how they feel, it will be extremely painful and so, being in a detached, indifferent state will be an important defensive position. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to just get back into their body and to connect to their true-self. If this is rushed and one tries to use their willpower to do it, they are likely to be retraumatized and pushed back out of their body. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. Lastly, it will be important for one to be compassionate towards themselves as they didn’t choose to be this way and they will have suffered enough already. To face and to deal with their early wounds will take immense courage and, as they have got to this point, it shows that they have incredible inner strength.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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After getting to the point where they can no longer continue to live in the same way, someone could take a step back and reflect on their life. During this time, they could come to the conclusion that their life is not in alignment with who they are.
This is not to say that there won’t be certain things that do, but in general, this won’t be the case. What could be glaringly clear is that what they do for a living doesn’t truly fulfil them, although they might be good at what they do. Something is not Right When it comes to their job then and other areas of their life, it will be as if they are on the wrong track. However, it could be a complete mystery as to what it is that they need to do to get on the right track. While this is taking place inside them, from the outside, they might appear to be living a good life. Certain people could even admire them, with them being only too happy to swap their life with them if they could. A Very Different Experience If one is seen as being “successful” by some people, it will be hard for most, if not all, of these people to accept that one is not really happy with their life. Thanks to all the success boxes that one ticks, this will seem strange. So, irrespective of what is taking place externally or how “successful” they are, they will know in their heart that something is missing. Consequently, this could mean that they often feel angry and frustrated and there could be moments when they feel very low. Another Element What they are going through won’t be pleasant, yet this will give them the chance to get in touch with their true calling. If this hadn’t have taken place, their life would have continued to go down the same path. As positive as this process is, though, they could find that they end up feeling guilty. This can come down to the fact that if their life is “good”, they can see themselves as being ungrateful. Bridging the Gap Now, for their life to change, they will need to get in touch with what it is that really matters to them. Once they are in touch with this information, they will be able to gradually build a different life. According to their mind, this could be seen as something that will take place if they find the right information “out there”. By finding the right book or going on the right course, for instance, they will be able to know what is right for them. Closer to Home This can certainly help but an even more effective approach is likely to be for them to connect with their body. The reason for this is that the information that they are looking for will be found just below their head. This information won’t be in the form of words; it will be in the form of feelings and needs. They won’t need to go very far but that doesn’t mean that this will be something that is easy. Blocked As great as their need is to embrace how they feel, this could be something that just doesn’t happen. It could be as if they are trying to connect to something that is a million miles away. Consequently, one could believe that there is something inherently wrong with them. In reality, this is likely to show that they are in a traumatised state, which is why they are not connected to their body and able to feel their feelings. Up Top Living on the surface of themselves, in their head, will have prevented them from being in tune with their true-self and, thereby, from being able to live a life that is worth living. Not being connected to themselves will have meant that they would have typically looked towards others and done things to please them. This is why they won’t be happy even if their life does match up with the societal view of success as it won’t be their version of success. Going down this path may have seemed right as they were not connected to themselves, but it was destined to leave them feeling empty and on the wrong track. Way Back For them to understand why they would be in this disembodied state, they will need to look back on what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. They wouldn’t have felt safe and being in their body would have been too painful. To handle what was going on, they had to disconnect from themselves and to take refuge in their head. The Fallout Leaving their body wouldn’t have stopped what was taking place but it would have stopped them from being aware of what was going on. The years will have passed but they will have stayed in this traumatised, divided state. Pleasing other people will, just as it was when they were growing up, be seen as the only way for them to survive. Their early experiences would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety and security, among others things, and this is why, pleasing others will be so important, as they still won’t feel safe and secure in their own body. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. For their life to change, they will need to get back into their body and feel safe being there. From this place, they will be able to express who they really are.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Collapse: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Be In An Emotionally Collapsed State?10/2/2021
Although someone’s emotional self should support them, giving them the strength that they need to handle life, this might not take place. Instead, this part of them could do the complete opposite.
Therefore, if they were able to take a step back and to reflect, they may find that, in general, this part of them doesn’t provide them with the support that they need. In fact, their emotional self could typically be like a heavyweight that just makes their life far harder than it needs to be. A Helpful Ability Through having the ability to step back and to reflect, they will have a certain amount of insight into what is going on. This alone won’t change their life, then, but it will do is stop them from being completely in the dark about why their life is the way that it is. What this may also mean is that they are able to disconnect from this part of them. Doing this won’t allow them to feel supported but it will give them a break from feeling weighed down by their emotional self and being consumed by the pain. Another Experience However, there is also the chance that one won’t be able to do this, and, even if they can, it is not going to change how they truly feel. Consequently, they are going to spend a fair time consumed by what is going on. When they are in touch with their emotional self, they could feel very low, weak and as though they have no control. They are then going to be above ground but it could be as if they are deep in the earth; this is how low they will feel. An Endless Struggle Due to how low and weak they feel, they won’t need to face any challenges in order to experience a sense of struggle. Simply getting out of bed each day could be very similar to what it is like for a relatively fit person to climb out of a very deep hole. As a result of this, they might not do very much each day. Assuming that they have a job, they could go to work, do just enough to keep their job, and then come home and do very little. Force over Flow If they don't live in this way and are often able to do things, it could be because they have a very strong will. The fuel that their mind provides is then going to compensate for the fuel that is not being provided by their emotional self. This fuel is going to be a massive help, the downside to this is that their life is going to be one big battle. There can be moments when this fuel is not available and, when this is the case, they can end up falling right down into themselves. One Outcome If they were to reach out for support, they could end up being diagnosed as suffering from “depression”. They will seldom feel good and neither will they have access to a lot of energy, so this could be seen as an accurate assessment. The next step might be for them to have Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and to be put on medication. If they were to go down this route, it is unlikely that this would allow them to resolve what is actually going on. One Level Now, if they only have CBT but don't end up being put on medication, they are likely to be told that the reason that they are experiencing life in this way is due to what is going on in their mind and how they behave. So, by changing their thoughts and behaviour, they will be able to be supported by their emotional self and to feel better. This whole approach will be based on the view that it is ‘all about the mind’ and that their thoughts define how they feel. Nonetheless, as this is nothing more than a half-truth, this approach probably won’t work, and, even if it does, it might only lead to short-term change. Going Deeper The other part of this is that their thoughts can also trigger feelings that are held in their body. What this comes down to is that one has a mental and an emotional body, with the latter being far stronger than the former. With this in mind, the reason why one finds it hard to feel supported and often feels very low and weak is likely to be because their emotional body is not in a good way. This part of them is likely to be loaded up with pain. Going Back In Time At this point, one could find it hard to understand why they would be carrying so much pain. If this is so, it could just show that their mind has blocked out what took place during their early years to protect them. This may have been a stage of their life that was extremely traumatic, with them being abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Their developmental needs would have rarely been met, which would have both caused them to experience immense pain and prevented them from being able to grow and develop. Awareness For their emotional self to support them and to be on their side, they will need to process the emotional pain that is held in their emotional body. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer. Purely focusing on their mind won’t allow them to embrace their inherent power; it will just prolong their suffering. Most likely, they will have suffered for long enough and will be desperate for their life to change.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on how they usually feel, what might become clear is that they often feel low and even depressed. This could be how they have felt for as long as they can remember.
There could also be moments when they don’t feel anything, which will give them a break from how they feel. Now, although this will be a time when they are emotionally shut down and are out of touch with the guidance that their emotional self would provide, it could be seen as the only alternative. A Closer Look If they were to able to sit with how they feel and to go deeper, what they may find is that there is a deep sadness inside them. It could feel as though they have lost someone. What could be confusing about this is that they might not have experienced any major losses in their life. Or, if they have, the pain that they feel could be way out of proportion to what they have been through, and this pain could have been there before this took place. A Time of Confusion If they have had one big loss, for instance, they may have been spent a lot of time grieving this loss. But, while this will be the case, it won’t have had much of an effect on how they feel. So, irrespective of whether one has experienced a major loss in their adult life, they could believe that how they feel is irrational. Therefore, just as there are said to be “irrational” phobias and fears, one will have “irrational” feelings. A Heavy Weight Naturally, through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to be happy and to experience joy. If they do feel good, it could be because they have consumed something. Through external means, they will have been able to change their inner state - albeit temporarily. It might seem as if a big part of them has given up on life and no longer wants to be here. Reaching Out Due to the effect that this is having on their life, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for support. If they don’t do this, their life is unlikely to get any better; in fact, it will probably get a lot worse. It will be important for them to keep in mind that they are valuable and that they are not on this earth just to make up the numbers. If they do reach out, they could end up being told that they need to change their thoughts. Top Down What could be emphasised is that their thoughts create their feelings, so the way for them to feel better will be to have different thoughts. This could show that they are being assisted by a cognitive behavioural therapist or a counsellor. By being mindful of what is taking place in their mind and replacing their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts, they may find that their life starts to change. After they have been doing this for a few months, they could be a different person. Another Outcome Alternatively, this approach might not work and, even if it does, it might stop working before long. At this point, it could be said that one simply needs to keep going and all their effort will gradually pay off. However, what this can show is that they need to try something else entirely or it won’t be possible for them to truly move forward. The reason that this approach might not work is that their thoughts might not be creating their feelings. A Half-Truth Instead, their thoughts could merely be triggering feelings that are already inside them. The view, then, that one’s thoughts create how they feel is not the complete truth and, most likely, it is a view that has sent a lot of people down the garden path. One way of looking at this lopsided view would be to say that it is a consequence of living in a mind-centric society; a society where so many people, due to trauma, are in a disembodied state. The outcome of this collective self-alienation is that the body is generally ignored and the focus is primarily on the mind. Going Deeper If one’s thoughts are triggering what is taking place in their body, this may illustrate that their early years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Ultimately, their developmental needs would have rarely been met, and this would have been incredibly painful. Day after day, week after week, they would have experienced a sense of loss, and, each time this took place, they would have experienced grief, in addition to feeling helpless, powerless, hopeless, worthless, terrified and enraged. A Build-Up As the care that they needed wasn’t there and they were too undeveloped to handle this pain, they would have had to disconnect from their feelings. This would have caused them to lose touch with their body in the process. If they were unable to do this, it is unlikely that they would still be alive. But, although this survival mechanism allowed them to survive, it will now mean that they are carrying layers and layers of unprocessed emotional pain. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is going through a very challenging period, there is the chance that they will have a lot going on internally. As to why this stage of their life is challenging, it could be due to a number of different reasons.
They might have just gone through a breakup, lost their job or fallen out with a friend or family member, for instance. When it comes to what is taking place internally, this could be a time when they feel overwhelmed. A Closer Look If they were to go deeper and to connect with their feelings, they could find that they feel helpless, hopeless, powerless and worthless. Before what happened took place, they might have been in a good way or at the very least, been fairly settled. Consequently, what has happened externally is likely to be seen as the reason why they feel the way that they do. If it wasn’t for this, then, they would be fine and so would their life. One Focus Through having this outlook, they could hope that their life soon goes back to how it was before. Furthermore, they might do what they can do change what is going on externally. When it comes to the people in their life, those who knew what they were like before, they could also have a similar outlook. This may mean that most, if not all, of them, will encourage them to do what they can to make their life go back to how it was before. Moving Forward If they are able to pull themselves together and do what they can to change their life, it might not be long until they feel different. It might be possible for them to get back with their ex or to find someone else, to find another job, or to make up with whoever it was they fell out with, for instance. Thanks to this, their life will go back to normal and it might soon seem as though what they went through never happened. This could be a time when they will be both highly relieved and incredibly grateful. A Short-Term Solution Still, if this does happen, it doesn’t mean that their life will stay this way for very long. It might not be long until something similar happens again and they end up experiencing the same feelings. Once again, they could end up doing the same thing as before to make their life go back to how it was and to feel different. This approach might work or they may find that it doesn’t get them very far this time. One Outlook One way of looking at this would be to say that ‘bad’ things happen, its part of life, and, when they do, it will be normal for someone to be emotionally affected. Considering this, the best thing for them to do will be to get back up and to do whatever they can to move forward. Bathing in self-pity and feeling like a victim is not going to serve them; what will serve them is staying positive and taking action. It could even be said that in moments like this, they will need to be stoic. Going Deeper Nonetheless, what if it is not this black and white and there is actually far more to it? What if what took place mainly triggered how they already felt and that these feelings caused them to experience what they did? If one views themselves as just an observer of their life, they are not going to be able to see how this is so. Being an observer of their life will mean that they played no part in what happened and how they feel will be nothing more than a consequence of what happened. Two Levels In order for one to understand how this is so, they will need to know that they have a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it comes to their unconscious mind, this will be the part of them carries the material that their conscious mind has disowned, among other things. But, although their conscious mind will forget all about what it has pushed into his part of them, it doesn’t mean that this ‘material’ won’t have an effect on their life. From this deeper level, it will exert a massive influence on their life; a far greater influence than their conscious mind. Destined To Happen One thing that will happen, through having this emotional pain inside them, is that they will unconsciously co-create situations and circumstances that are an energetic match with how they feel deep down. Their emotional pain will then co-create an experience and this will allow them to experience the feelings that co-created what happened. Therefore, although it may seem as though it is the experiences first and the feelings second, it is actually feelings first and experiences second. What this emphasises is that repressing something doesn’t neutralise it. Awareness When something ‘bad’ happens, then, it will be a time when their true feelings will have entered their conscious awareness. This will give them the chance to process these feelings, which allow them to develop a better connection with themselves and to fundamentally change their life. If they don't take this opportunity, the same thing is likely to happen over and over again. One thing that they can do, if they are unsure about how to move forward, is to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Pain: Can Someone Carry A Lot Of Emotional Pain If They Experienced Childhood Trauma?12/1/2021
Although experiencing emotional pain from time to time is simply part of being human, it doesn’t mean that everything can relate to this experience. For some people, this is something that they will experience after a breakup, a loss, the end of a job, or when something doesn’t go as they had planned, there are others who will more or less always be in pain.
When someone is in this position, something challenging won’t have needed to occur externally for them to be in a bad way. Being in pain will just be a normal part of their day-to-day life. Another Outcome However, if they are not experiencing a lot of emotional pain, it could be because they have been able to disconnect from how they feel. As a result of this, they generally won’t have to experience the pain that they are in. But, while this will give them a much-needed break, it will alienate them from an important part of themselves. The reason for this is that their emotional self won’t just be the part of them that allows them to feel things; it will also be the part of them that provides them with valuable information. Another Form of Intelligence When it comes to whether or not something is in their best interests, their emotional self will be there to guide them. This part of them will also be where their intuition is found; another part of them that will direct them in the right direction. Their ability to know what is right for them and what they need to do is then going to be greatly undermined. With this part of them offline, so to speak, they will be reliant on their intellect and the advice of others. One More Consequence Another thing that this part of them will do is allow them to feel connected to others and to life itself. Thus, through being out of touch with their emotional self, they are likely to feel disconnected and alone. It won’t matter how close they get to another person, as they won’t be able to truly connect to them. One may believe that sharing their body with another person will allow them to experience a deeper connection but this is unlikely to have much of an effect. The Lesser Of Two Evils Now, as numb as they will be through not being connected to their emotional self, this can be seen as being far better than the alternative. And, if they want to artificially bring themselves to life, they most likely won’t be short of options. Yet, as much as they will do their best to keep their emotional pain at bay, there could come a point in time when it will end up being triggered. They could experience some kind of loss and the floodgates will open. Totally Overwhelmed The defences that they had in place will have been cast aside and some of their emotional pain will have come to the surface. Said another way, some of what was locked in their unconscious mind/body will have entered their conscious mind. They will most likely be on solid ground at this pint but it could be as though they are all at sea. Their inner world will be all over the place and it might even seem as though they are going to die. Business as Usual They are going to be emotionally raw and, if there are moments when don’t feel overwhelmed, they could feel very low. A big part of them might want their life to go back to how it was, irrespective of how dead they felt. To go back to how they were before might take even more force to keep their pain at bay. Thanks to how much pain they are in, they are in the perfect position to become addicted to something that is destructive; that is, of course, if they are not already in this position. A Desperate Place The addiction can then be seen as the problem yet this will just be a consequence of the pain that they are in. They won’t be able to soothe themselves, so they will need something external to soothe them. It is then not that they are trying to get high; it is that they don’t want to be in pain. If someone was to believe that this person is weak or lacks willpower, it may show that they lack empathy and haven’t the faintest idea about what is going on for them. A Deeper Look When it comes to why someone would be carrying so much emotional pain, it could be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Throughout this stage of their life, they would have experienced a lot of pain, and this pain wouldn’t have been dealt with. Instead, they would have had to disconnect from this pain, which would have involved disconnecting from their body, and to live on the surface of themselves. The Past Is Present Many years will have passed since that point in time but the emotional pain that they experienced will still be in their body. Most likely, they will carry many layers of pain inside them. This pain won’t be removed by using positive thinking or by changing their thoughts and behaviour; it will need to be worked through. If one tries to use the same approach on their emotional body as they would on their mental body, they are unlikely to get very far. Awareness When it comes to the mental body, change takes place through using force; whereas when it comes to the emotional body, change takes place through surrendering to what is. Through feeling their feelings, they will be able to let them go. Nonetheless, as they are going to lack the inner strength to do this, they will most likely need to work with a therapist or healer. With their support, one will gradually be able to let go of their emotional baggage.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Negative Feelings: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Be Attached To ‘Negative’ Feelings?10/1/2021
If someone was to take the time to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that they rarely feel good. Along with how they feel, there is going to be what takes place.
At this point in time, they could believe that what takes place causes them to feel as they do. Therefore, their life is only going to change if they have different experiences - experiences that are life-affirming. A Closer Look If they were to make a list of how some of the situations in their life make them feel, they could end up with a number of ‘negative’ feelings. They could list some, if not all, of the following feelings: powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless, rejected, abandoned, angry, enraged, fearful, overwhelmed and violated. This is not to say that they will always experience the same feelings; what it can mean is that when they experience something ‘negative’, they will experience some of the aforementioned feelings. Considering this, they are likely to have a lot of experiences that are ’bad’ and even deeply traumatic. For Example They could be used to spending time with people who treat them badly, and some of them might even physically harm them. Their friends and family could be this way, and they could work with people who are the same. There is the chance that they could live somewhere that isn’t very safe either, with this being somewhere where there is often violence and loud noises. Instead of being able to relax at home, they will need to be on guard. Out of Their Hands If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for a very long time. In fact, it may have more or less always been this way. It is then not going to be a surprise if they believe that they are powerless to do anything about what is going on. Consequently, they may believe that they need someone or something ‘out there’ to change their life. A Bystander They are then going to just happen to end up in these situations and won’t be playing a part. What will add weight to this view is that they will be fed up with what is going on and will desperately want their life to change. To say that they are playing a part in what is going on could be seen as an example of what is often described as ‘victim-blaming’. This is the term that will be used when a victim is seen as playing a part in what they experience. Diving Right Down Now, what is perfectly clear is that one is not consciously choosing to experience life in this way. If they were, they wouldn’t want their life to change and there would be no resistance to what is going on, and they would be incredibly masochistic. However, what needs to be taken into consideration here is that one doesn’t just have one mind, they have two minds. So, in addition to their conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind. Two Needs As a result of this, although their conscious mind can want one thing, their unconscious mind can want somewhere else entirely. Due to this, they can end up in situations and experience feelings that don’t serve them. Yet, if this understanding is not in place, it will be normal for them to see themselves as a victim of circumstances. In reality, they will be being victimised by a part of them that they are not aware of. The First Part If they were to go deeper inside themselves, what they are likely to find is that they are emotionally attached to a lot of ‘negative’ feelings. Ergo, as painful as these feelings are, they will be what feel comfortable at a deeper level. This will mean that external circumstances don’t make them experience ‘negative’ feelings; they simply trigger how they already feel. Moreover, how they feel will cause them to co-create situations that allow them to experience these feelings. What’s going on? When it comes to why they would be attached to these ‘negative’ feelings, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Experiencing these feelings would have been painful but they would have ended up being associated by their ego-mind as what is familiar and therefore, what is safe. The years would then have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place, and the outcome of this is that it would have seemed as though the external world made them feel a certain way. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. With this support, one will be able to work through their inner wounds and to let go of their attachment to ‘negative’ feelings in the process. As this pain is worked through and they start to feel different, their outer world will also change.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Now, while someone’s early years may have been a time when they received what they needed in order to grow and develop, there is also the chance that this wasn’t the case. As a result of this, they would have been deeply traumatised at this stage of their life.
However, even though this took place, the years would have continued to pass and one would have gone from a child to an adult. From the outside, then, it may seem as though everything is fine. No Idea In addition to this, one could be in a position where they are not even aware of the fact that their early years deeply traumatised them. Consequently, how they experience life will just be what is ‘normal’ and they won’t even question what is going on. If they were to gain a deep understanding of themselves, though, they may see that they don’t have a strong connection with their own emotions. During the moments when they do connect to his part of them, they might not feel like a strong and capable adult. Stepping Back What this will illustrate is that although their physical self, and even their mental self, will have grown, their emotional self won’t have really changed. This part of them might not have moved beyond the level of emotional development that a small child has. Not only this, this part of them is going to be in a very bad way. But, as they are likely to be carrying a lot of emotional pain, they are going to do whatever they can to stop themselves from becoming aware of it. The Outcome Through not having a good connection with their emotional self, it is likely to be difficult for them to form deeper connections with others and to know what their needs are. The antidote to this will be for them to reconnect to this part of their being. Yet, as this will unconsciously be seen as something that is too much for them to handle, this is unlikely to taken place. Thus, if they do connect to his part of their being, it is not going to be through choice. A Trigger If this does take place, someone or something that they have formed an attachment to could change in some way or no longer exist. For example, a relationship could come to an end or a loved one could pass, unlocking a lot of pain in the process. One can then go from being shut down, to being overwhelmed by how they feel. What they are going through will be painful enough but, thanks to the emotional pain that has been brought to the surface, it could be unbearable. Business as Usual This could be a time when they will do just about everything that they can to get rid of this pain. One way that this can take place is through using their willpower, and there is a strong chance that this part of them is very well-developed. The reason for this is that as they won’t have had access to their emotional fuel – their body’s fuel - they will have had to rely on their minds fuel. This fuel can give one a sense of control but solely relying on this fuel to make things happen is likely to be very tiring. A Number of Options Along with this, they could consume and/or engage in something that will allow them to avoid how they feel. By behaving in this way, it might not be long until they are able to feel better. Nonetheless, the pain that they were in won’t have disappeared; it will have been pushed out of their conscious mind and into their body. Ergo, sooner or later, something else will unlock some of their emotional pain. No More Running They may also that they get to a point where it is no longer possible for them to avoid how they feel. The dam that they had in place to keep their painful material at bay will have burst. This may cause them to reach out for external support, where they may be put on some kind of medication and thereby, prevented from healing their wounds. Alternatively, they may end up working with a therapist or healer who understands what is going on, allowing them to provide one with the guidance and support that they need to work through their inner wounds. Two Issues To conclude, firstly, childhood trauma causes someone to be emotionally stuck at a certain stage of their development and, throughout their adult years, they can do whatever they can, both consciously and unconsciously, to keep this pain at bay. It is then not going to be a surprise is someone stays emotionally stunted for most, if not all, of their life. Deep down, one will associate emotional pain with the experiences that they had as a child, and they won’t want to have those experiences again. The difference now is that they are a lot stronger than they were all those years ago and they can reach out for the right support. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to face their emotional pain, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although experiencing a loss is part of the human experience, working through a loss is not something that is generally seen in the same light. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to experience loss and then to carry on as normal.
They could then have lost a family member, their partner or a pet, for instance, but they will continue to behave in the same way as they did before. If another person isn’t aware that one has lost someone or something, they might not realise what has taken place. A Cover-Up This can show how well someone is able to hide how they feel and to ‘keep it all together’. It can go further than this, though, as one can do what they can to hide how they feel from themselves. Now, of course, there is always the chance that what has taken place hasn’t really affected them or maybe, as this person or being wasn’t well for a long time, they have already been grieving their loss for quite some time. But if either of these two factors is not relevant and one has been deeply affected by what has taken place, it will show that they are not allowing themselves to face how they feel and to go through the grieving process. Positive Feedback If there are people in their life who are aware of what has taken place, most, if not all, of these people might not find it strange that they haven’t really been impacted by their loss. They could just believe that one is strong and ‘resilient’, which is why it hasn’t really affected them. There can be times when one will look sad and won’t be up to their usual level, but this will be something that seldom takes place. Therefore, even though one will be denying how they feel, they will be seen as doing the right thing and applauded for it. Another Scenario Alternatively, one could embrace how they feel and allow their feelings to influence their behaviour. Consequently, it won’t be possible for them to keep it all together or to look ‘strong’. Thanks to this, they could feel as though they are ‘weak’ and certain people in their life could insinuate the same thing. Still, before long, this internal and external pressure could cause them to disconnect from how they feel. Out of Balance Whether the former or the latter takes place, it will come down to the view that emotional expression is a sign of weakness. To be seen as strong and together, someone needs to keep a lid on how they feel. Further, when someone pushes down how they feel, their mind will be resisting what is taking place in their body. They will be using their willpower to try to keep how they feel at bay. Unaware But, even though one will using their inner masculinity (mind) to control their inner femininity (body), it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of what is taking place. As far as they are concerned, their feelings could be the result of what is taking place in their mind. Thus, it is not that they are denying how they feel, it is that they are simply not allowing themselves to get caught up in the ‘negative’ feelings that their mind is creating. By not focusing on these feelings and having the right thoughts, they will be able to let go of how they feel and to move forward. A Half-Truth at Best This could be something that they have learnt from the self-development world or by having some kind of counselling. From one of these sources or another, they will have come to believe that their thoughts create their feelings. This view can be seen as a consequence of living in a society that is mind-centric and doesn’t even acknowledge the existence of an emotional body, let alone looks deeper into the impact that it has. If this part of ones being was also taken into consideration, it would be clear that thoughts can create feelings and thoughts can also trigger trapped feelings. A Short-Term Solution So, bearing in mind that how someone feels will also be a consequence of what is going on for them at an emotional level, it is simply not going to be possible for them to let go of their feelings just by having the right thoughts and focusing on the right things. Now, this is not to that this approach won’t allow them to convince themselves and others that they have ‘moved on’ from what happened. Through using force to push how they feel out of their conscious awareness and down into their unconscious mind/body, and creating a strong barrier between their two minds in the process, they could maintain this illusion for decades. Nonetheless, even though they will end up forgetting that they have forgotten about this pain as time goes by, it will still exert its influence on them. Out of Mind but Not Out of Body Over time, this emotional pain can end up having a negative impact on their physical health and drain them of vitality. The situations, circumstances and events that they find themselves in can also be a manifestation of what has built-up. There could be a point in time when they will experience another loss and this will trigger a lot of the pain that they have avoided for so long, and this time, they might not be able to use their mind to deal with it. Another thing that could take place is that through not dealing with their pain, they end up passing it onto future generations. Final Thoughts When it comes to the grieving process, this a time when one will need to surrender to how they feel. Their masculine nature can support them during this time but there will be no need for it to try to control the feminine part of their nature. Going through this process is a sign of strength and something that will gradually allow them to truly embrace life once again and to find meaning. Doing the opposite and forcing themselves to be happy and joyful is not going to serve them in the long run.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone’s mind and emotions were settled and they felt at peace, they may wonder what it would be like to experience life in this way more often. Then again, thanks to how rarely they experience life in this way, they could be totally consumed by what is taking place.
Perhaps they have taken the time to be in nature or maybe they have had something to drink, for instance. Regardless of what it is that has allowed them to have a different inner experience, it will be a welcome relief from how they usually experience life. The Norm If they were to think about how long they have been this way for, they may find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Consequently, this could just be seen as what they are like. They may even believe that they were born this way, with it being part of their personality. Further, some of the people in their life could often describe them as being ‘highly strung’ or ‘a very anxious person’. An Exhausting Existence Whether they are at work or with friends, they could find it hard to feel at ease and, as they are typically not on stable ground, it probably won’t take a lot for them to overreact. Another person could say or do something and one could end up losing it. What other people are exposed to will merely be an expression of what is taking place inside them. To look at this symbolically; their external eruptions will be an externalisation of the internal irruptions that are continually taking place. Two Worlds So, there can be what happens when one is around others and there can be what takes place when they are way from others and are online. Just as what someone says in the real world can often cause them to react strongly; what someone says online can often lead to the same outcome. In both cases, it might not take a lot for them to become highly emotional and to lose their ability to think rationally. When this happens, they could create the impression that they are missing something. One Big Challenge Being this way will make it hard for them to focus and they will experience a lot of unnecessary drama, in addition to generally being all at sea internally. Thus, so much of their precious energy and time is going to be squandered. Still, there may be moments when they think that they are doing the right thing by getting worked up. At times, they might be, but there will probably be times when behaving in this way is not serving them. One Outlook One way of looking at this would be to say that they need to gain control of their mind and to develop ‘emotional intelligence’. Through doing this, they will settle down and be able to manage their emotions. This will be based on the belief the mind defines how someone feels and emotional intelligence is an important part of having emotional control. However, what this approach would overlook is the fact that one most likely spends so much time in fight or flight mode because they are carrying trauma. Going Deeper This means that what is taking place at a mental and emotional level will be a reflection of what is taking place at an instinctual or animal body level. Their body and mind will carry the charge or all of the energy that they experienced when they experienced trauma. Dealing with what is going on further up might lead to short-term relief, but it probably won’t lead to long-term relief. As they are carrying all this trauma, their reptile brain will often end up overriding their emotional and thinking brain, which will stop them from being able to experience emotional control and to think clearly. Out of Control When this takes place, it will seem as though something else is in control of them as they will lose their free will. For them to settle down and to gradually gain control over themselves, they will need to work through the trauma that is inside them. The big question is: why are they carrying this trauma, what happened to them? What this may illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a stage of their life when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. A Living Hell The safety and security that they needed at this time wouldn’t have been provided. Instead, they would have had to handle a deeply challenging environment at a time when they were ill-equipped to do so. They would have often felt overwhelmed and there might not have been anywhere around to soothe them. At this stage of their life, they would have had the ability to regulate their own emotions and so, their main way to handle what was going on would have been to dissociate. Awareness What happened would have left a mark on every part of their being and the issues that they have as an adult will be a clear sign of what they went through as a child. Nonetheless, without this understanding, it can seem as though they just lack ‘self-control’, ‘emotional intelligence’ and/or are ‘irrational’, or another term that completely misses the mark. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Free Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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