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If someone finds it hard to be emotionally balanced and to experience inner peace, there is the chance that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect.
The time in their life that should have built them up would have undermined them. As a result of this, their adult life could be one big struggle, with them having moments when they wonder why they were even born. The Past Is Present What they went through will be in the past, that much is clear, but what took place will have had an impact on their body and mind. Also, the pain that they experienced at this stage of their life will most likely be held in their being. If they were to get in touch with their body and to connect with how they feel, they could feel like a wounded child. The reason for this is that although their thinking brain has a sense of time, their emotional brain doesn’t. Two Parts Bearing in mind that they have a mind and body that carries the effects of what took place when they were younger; it won’t be enough for them to simply focus on what is going on up top. If they only focus on what is going on in their head, they will overlook what is taking place down below. This will then be similar to seeing a weed and only cutting off the top; what is taking place below the ground won’t be dealt with. Each part of their being will need to be addressed if they are to change how they experience life. The Root When it comes to what is taking place in their body, this is likely to support what is taking place in their mind. Therefore, by dealing with what is taking place in their body, their mind can end up settling down. They will be dealing with the root so this is to be expected; whereas if they were to avoid the root, what is taking place in their mind would continue to be nourished. Getting into the body is painful, yet it will be pain that is worth facing. An Important Part One way that one can let go off the pain that is in their body is by doing inner child work. So when they get in touch with how they feel and they find that they feel like a wounded child, this will show that they have got in touch with a child part of themselves. One way of looking at this would be to say that whenever one felt overwhelmed as a child, they would have disconnected from how they felt in order to survive. This part would have stayed inside them and influenced their life from behind the scenes. A Fractured Being Through having so many split-off parts, it will make it more or less impossible for them to be truly present and to be in their power. Ergo, as they get in touch with each of these parts/inner children and allow each part to speak out, they will gradually become a more integrated human being. There were probably thousands of moments in their early years when they felt overwhelmed, which means that they may have many different parts inside them. And as these parts will want to express what they were unable to express all those years ago, it will mean that one won’t need to change or to fix anything. The Power of Presence At this stage of their development, it might be hard for them to just be with how they feel. Thanks to how much pain they are carrying, they may have the need to push down how they feel and to get away from what is taking place inside them. What this will show is that they need to reach out for external support. Through being in the presence of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. It Takes Time The emotional strength that they lack internally will be provided by someone else and, as they work through their inner wounds, they will start to develop emotional strength. There will then come a point in time when they won’t need as much external support and they will be able to work through their inner wounds by themselves. Like a weak muscle, this part of their being will need to be built up. Reaching out for support might be hard if they are carrying a fair amount of toxic shame, yet it will be what allows them to move forward. Awareness This all starts with one taking the first step and, if this is hard, they can think about what their life will be like if they continue to live in the same way. One had no control over what took place when they were younger but now they are an adult, they do have control. The truth is that they didn’t deserve to experience what they experienced and it wasn’t their fault. With this in mind, one can make a commitment to themselves that they will reach out for the support that they need and keep going until they are able to transform their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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It could be said that the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things to experience on this earth. This can relate to a family member, a partner, a friend, and even a pet.
When this takes place, someone can end up being mentally, emotionally and physically floored. It can be as if their whole world has been turned upside down and they could end up losing the will to live. A Different Life What is clear is that their life will have changed and no matter how much they might want it to return to how it was; it is never going to be the same again. But while this is the case, they might not be able to accept this in the beginning. A big part of them could believe that what has taken place is not permanent and that their life will soon go back to how it was. This will be something that their mind will do to stop them from being overwhelmed with pain. A Stage Providing one allows themselves to embrace how they feel from time to time and to grieve, their need to live in denial should start to decrease. What will make it easier for them to handle what they are going through is external support. Talking about what they are going through and about the person that they have lost will assist them. What certainly won’t help them is if they keep it all to themselves and suffer in silence. A Slow Process When it comes to how long it will take until they are able to embrace life again, and even to find their will to live if they have lost it, it can depend on a number of different factors. The state of their inner world and how meaningful their life was before this person passed on can play a part. For example, if they were not in a good way emotionally before this took place and their whole life revolved around this person, it could take them quite some time. They wouldn’t have had strong foundations and all of their eggs would have been in one basket, so to speak. Going With It It could be a matter of years, not months, until they are able to integrate what took place and to live life again. But even when this does happen, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they feel sad or that they will have ‘moved on’. The other person will live on in their memories and in their heart. What matters here is that they allow themselves to embrace how they feel and to take their time as opposed to denying how they feel and trying to rush this process. A Complex Area If, after many years have passed, one is unable to embrace life and to find meaning again, it could show that something is not right. The years will then have passed but it could be as if they only passed on a few days ago. What one could find is that a big part of them doesn’t want to experience life differently and is holding onto what took place. A smaller part of them is not going to want to forget about the person who has passed, yet they will want to embrace life again. Part of the Human Experience The fact that they do want to embrace life again can be seen as being perfectly normal; after all, loss is part of life. And as loss is part of life, there is going to be no need for someone to stop living after they have lost another person. Of course, this can take place for a while but there should come a point in time when it is no longer the case. One could even think about how they wouldn’t want the people in their life to put their life on hold forever if they had passed on. A Closer Look After taking a step back and seeing that a big part of them doesn’t want to move on, they may find that this part of them has the need to be loyal to the person who passed on. And if they do allow themselves to embrace life again, this part of them believes that they will be being disloyal. In other words, holding onto what took place will be a way for this part of them to show their love to the person who passed on. To this part of them, not doing this will be seen as an act of betrayal and a sign that they don’t love them. Something to Consider If the person who passed did actually love them, it is highly likely that they wouldn’t want them to suffer in this way. What they would probably want is for one to live a good life, even if they wouldn’t want them to forget them. This person would have had to have been incredibly selfish to want one to spend the rest of their time on this earth suffering. If they were able to get through to them now, they might tell them that the best way to show their love for them is to embrace the life that they have been given. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to resolve the conflict that is inside them, they may need to reach out for external support. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be needed here. What may help with this is something called family constellation therapy. For one to have got to this point they will have needed to have developed a certain level of self-awareness and now they will be able to take the next step.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that someone’s life would be a lot easier if they were unable to experience emotions. The primary reason for this is that they would no longer experience emotional pain.
As a result of this, they would never feel sad, powerless, helpless, or hopeless, and fear and anxiety would no longer bother them either. This would allow them to lead a more centred life. The Downside Living in this way wouldn’t come without its problems, though, as one would most likely lead a life that lacks depth. They would live an empty existence, due to the part of themselves that provides meaning and a sense of wholeness being offline. Not only does this part of them provide meaning, it is also what allows them to feel connected to others and the planet. Therefore, while experiencing emotions will be hard for them at times, it would be far worse is they were not able to experience them. Hard To Accept However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone will be able to accept this. If someone experiences a lot of emotional pain, for instance, they may believe that their life would be better if they could no longer feel. Yet, given what they often go through, it is not exactly going to be a surprise for them to have this outlook. Their life is not going to be very enjoyable; it could seem as if they are being punished. No Stability And even when they are not in a lot of emotional pain, they could wonder how long it will be until they are. Before long, something could take place that will completely change their inner world. This could take place after another person has said something negative about them or tried to walk over them. Something else that could cause them to come crashing down is a break up or an argument. All Over the Place It will be clear that it will be more or less impossible for one to handle how they feel. Instead of their emotional self being another part of their being, it will be a part of them that has the tendency to take over their whole being. If they were able to contain their feelings and they didn’t take over, their life would be very different. One wouldn’t be a small boat that is tossed around by every wave; they would be a big ship that has the ability handle most waves. One Approach If one was able to step back and came to the conclusion that they need to do something about their life, they might end up looking for a book to read. Conversely, they could look online for answers. What they may learn is that they to develop the ability to manage their thoughts, with this being the reason why their feelings are often out of control. Once they can do this, they will become emotionally strong. Support Being mindful of what thoughts they entertain, and what thoughts they think, will allow them to have different feelings. The positive feelings that they end up having can give them the strength that they need to feel strong and to achieve their goals. Said another way, ones emotional body will be working with their mind as opposed to against it. After putting these steps into practice for a little while, they may find that their life starts to change. An Unexpected Outcome Then again, one could find that focusing on what is taking place in their head doesn’t have much of an effect on them. Now, this could be a sign that they need to hang in there and to keep going until it works. At the same time, it could show that they need to try a completely different approach. There is the chance that one’s emotional body is carrying a lot of emotional pain and this is then why they find it hard to handle their emotions. A Missing Ability If they are carrying a lot of emotional pain, it could also show that they didn’t receive the type of care that they needed in order to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. What should have been a time when they were built up would have been a time when they were traumatised on a regular basis. This would have caused them to suffer as a child and it will still be causing them to suffer as an adult. A Totally Different Approach The emotional pain that has stayed trapped in their body will most likely need to be worked through. This can involve facing how they feel and feeling their feelings to their completion. To do this, one will most likely need to reach out for external support. The reason for this is that these feelings will be too much for them to handle and this will have stopped them from being able to consciously work through them. Awareness A therapist or a healer, for instance, can provide the presence that one needs so that they can go where they wouldn’t by themselves. This person will be like the scaffolding that is needed while a building is being strengthened. The main thing will be for them to reach out for assistance and to keep going no matter what. As for how long this process will take, how long is a piece of string?
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What someone may find, that’s if they were to go through a challenging time, is that they end up losing touch with their emotional self. Perhaps they have just experienced a break up or lost a loved one.
This wouldn’t have been something that one chose to do; it would have been something that just happened. The reason for this is that the pain would have been too much for them to handle, hence why they ended up losing touch with this part of themselves. A Different Person One will then look like a whole human being, but they won’t be operating as a whole human being. It might seem as though they no longer live on the same planet, and this is because they won’t experience life in the same way. The part of them that gives life depth - their emotional self - won’t be there to give their life meaning. In a way, it could be as though the colour has been taken out of their life, with everything being in black and white. A Loss of Enjoyment The type of things that they enjoyed doing before might no longer interest them, meaning that they might not even want to get out of bed. They may have been someone who laughed a lot, yet now that could be thing of the past. As for experiencing pleasure, this could be another thing that they are not interested in experiencing. This could then mean that they no longer reach out to their friends and stop socialising with others. The Lights Are On If they do go out, their friends may sense that they are not really there – only their body is there. It could seem as though their attention is somewhere else altogether; they could describe them as vacant. If their friends do sense this they may take a deeper look into what is taking place and see if they can help them. What could allow these people to understand what is going on is if they are aware of why one is this way. One Outcome One thing that one could end up doing, if they are emotionally numb, is to look for ways to artificially change their inner world. Instead of reaching out for assistance, they can end up drinking or taking things, for instance. This will stop them from feeling dead for a little while, yet what it won’t do is allow them to get back in touch with their emotional self. And, as they are unable to feel alive without taking anything, they can end up being hooked on these things. The Ideal If one finds themselves in this position, it will be essential for them to reach out for the right support. Carrying on as they are is not going to get them anywhere; in fact, their life could get a whole lot worse. The type of assistance that they need could be supplied by a therapist, healer and/or a support group. Through having this support, they will be able to work through what they haven’t been able to face by themselves. It’s Already There If one has only just disconnected from their emotional self and is therefore, usually in touch with how they feel, they may have a number of people in their life that they are close to. As a result of this, they will basically have a safety net. So even if they were to start taking things to change their state, the people around them will make sure that they are back on track before long. This emphasises how important a community is. A Different Experience Now, if someone experiences a break up or a loss it could be said that it will be normal for them to shut down, at least for while. This is simply their minds way of stopping them from being wiped out by pain. However, while some people will end up shutting down after something like this, there will be others that don’t need to go through anything like this in order to shut down. For someone like this, just a small amount of stress could be enough. Unable To Cope After a day at work or after they have spent a fair amount of time around others, they could end up shutting down. It is then not going to take a lot of stimulation for them to be overwhelmed and lose touch with their emotional self. What this may show is that there is already a lot going on inside them, which is why it doesn’t take much for this to take place. If this is so, what took place during their early years may have played a part. Back In Time During this stage of their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have overwhelmed their system. The primary way for them for them to handle this pain would have been to shut down. This would have meant that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed to be able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions and their system would have been loaded up with pain. Many years will have passed since that time, but their being will still be in a traumatised state and shutting down will still be the only way for them to handle pain. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, one can begin to resolve the trauma that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to think about what they would do if their car started playing up, it is unlikely that it would take long for their mind to come up with an answer. In this case, it would be pretty obvious what they would need to do.
It would be clear that they would need to take their car to a garage so that something could be done about it. There would be no need for them to get uncomfortable or to experience confusion. Another Example Alternatively, if one was to think about what they would do if they felt unwell, an answer could soon enter their mind. It is going to be no mystery as to what they would need to do to feel better. They may think about going to their doctor or they may think about taking something to take the pain away. Once again, they won’t need to worry too much about what is going on for them or to be filled with uncertainty. A Very Different Scenario However, if they were to think about what they would do if they were not in a good way emotionally, their mind could end up going blank. They may struggle to come up with a solution. Still, one could believe that it doesn’t matter anyway as they are not experiencing any emotional problems at this time. As a result of this, there will be no need for them to think too much about this. A The Right People Now, one may have a lot of good people around them, meaning that these people would be there if anything happened to them. Thanks to this, they will be able to afford to overlook this question. Even so, just because one does have good people around them, it doesn’t mean that they would be able to give one the assistance that they need if they did end up in a bad way. Most of these people could find that what one is going through is too much for them to handle. Business as Usual Due to the current state of their inner world, they will be able to put this question to one side and to carry on as normal. However, if this was to change, they might not have the time to look for answers. They could end up being in such a bad way that it is essential for them to do something more or less straight away. This is not to say that one should live in fear of having inner problems; what it comes down to is that it is a good idea for them to have an understanding of what approach they would take. A Key Part After all, their inner world is a big part of who they are; it is not as though it is something that they can simply cast aside. Thus, if something does happen, they might not be able to function anymore. So as it is an important part of who they are, it is naturally going to be a good idea for them to have a contingency plan in place. Ultimately, one cannot afford to be uneducated when it comes to this part of their being. One Option Of course, one could go to see their doctor if they end up in a bad way, which could be seen as the reason why they don’t need to look into what they would do. Someone out there is then going to solve what they are going through. This approach might work, but then again, they could simply end up being put on drugs or sent to see a behavioural therapist. Going on drugs could cause them to feel numb and they may end up experiencing other symptoms, and changing their thoughts and behaviour might not get to the bottom of what they are going through. Left Behind At this point in time, the help that is available from mainstream society is often inadequate when it comes to emotional problems. It could be said that this partly comes down to the fact that it is part of human nature to avoid pain. For many, many years, so many people avoided their emotional self, and this has caused this part to be overlooked. Therefore, as it has been neglected for so long, it is going to take a while for the system to provide the appropriate solutions. Personality Responsibility Nevertheless, if someone does end up in a bad way, they are not going to be able to wait until things change. Fortunately, there is a lot of information online about what someone can do if they are in this position. It will be essential for them to be curious, open-minded and teachable. And the good thing about this is that as their inner world is not in a bad way, they will be able to take their time. Awareness Not only can this information prepare them for what may or may not happen in the future, it can also allow them to assist a friend or a family member if they were to end up in a bad way. Investing a small amount of their time each week into this area can save them a lot of trouble in the long run. In addition to the information that can be found online, plenty of good therapists and healers can also be found.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to place their attention on their own being, they could come to see that there are many different parts. What will be clear is that they have a physical self, and then there is going to be their mental and emotional self.
This could be as far as they will go, or they could say that there is also another part of them that can’t be picked up by the five senses. One may describe this as their etheric body or there could be another description that is more appealing to them. Multifaceted But regardless of if this last part enters their mind or not, it will be clear that they are not just a physical body. When it comes to their mental self, this part of them will allow them to think, to reflect, to plan and to be aware, amongst other things. Their emotional self, on the other hand, will be what allows them to feel connected to themselves and others. This part of them will also provide their life with meaning and depth, and give them insight into whether something is right for them, among other things. Two Sides One of the downsides of being able to feel, that’s if this can be seen as a downside, is that one will also have moments when they don’t feel good. However, through having the ability to feel bad, one will be able to appreciate feeling good. If one could only feel good, they would soon get used to feeling this way and it would probably have very little effect on them. This shows how important each side is when it comes to being able to live a meaningful life. Not the Norm However, although the emotional self is an important part of someone’s being, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that everyone on the planet is in touch with this part of themselves. As a result of this, there are going to be plenty of people who are out of touch with it. Someone like this is then going to look like a whole human being, but they won’t be whole on the inside. What this is likely to mean is that they will spend a lot of time being stuck in their head. Divided In order for them to reconnect to their emotional self, they will need to get back in touch with their body. The reason for this is that this is where the emotional part of their being will be found; thus, they won’t be able to connect to it by staying in their head. Nonetheless, while being disconnected from their body is going to have a negative effect on their life, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. Experiencing life in this way is likely to be what is comfortable. A Small Step If they were to try to connect to their body, they may find that nothing really happens. What they are trying to connect to will be just below their head, yet it will be as if it is a million miles away. If one can’t connect to how they feel, it is likely to illustrate that their mind is stopping them from doing this to protect them. Under the defences that their mind has built up is likely to be a lot of emotional pain, emotional pain that would overwhelm their system. Another Experience Conversely, connecting to this part of them could just be too painful. Staying on the surface of themselves is then going to be a way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed with emotional pain. Just like in the scenario above, they will be carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body. Due to this, it is not going to be much of a surprise that they have the tendency to be out of touch with how they feel. An Analogy This part of their being is going to be like a room that is only filled with bad memories; whereas when it comes to someone who is generally connected to their emotional self, it will have good and bad memories. There is then going to be no reason for the former to go into this room, while the latter will have every reason to go into this room. If one has been out of touch with their body or ‘this room’ for as long as they can remember, it could show that what took place during their early years had a big effect on them. Back In Time Maybe their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected, which would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. At this stage of their life they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. The only way for them to deal with what they were going through would have been to leave their body. Responding in this way would have saved their live, but now that this time in their life is over, experiencing life in this way is likely to be doing more harm than good. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Repressed Emotions: Can Someone Experience A Lot Of Pain If Their Repressed Emotions Are Triggered?14/6/2019
Practically from the moment that someone is born, they can end pushing their emotions out of their awareness. After a little while, they can have very little, if any, connection with this part of their being.
However, even though they will have lost touch with a big part of who they are, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Even so, this is not to say that being this way won’t cause them problems. The Consequences Through being disconnected from their emotional self, it will probably be a challenge for them to develop deeper connections with others. They may also find it hard to know what their needs are. It is then not going to be a surprise if they often feel lost and as though their life has no meaning. They could look towards other people to tell them what to do and how to live their life. A Full Time Job Keeping the emotional pain that is within them at bay is also likely to take a lot of their energy. Still, this doesn’t mean that one is aware of the things that they do to stop this pain from entering their conscious mind. They could just do things without thinking about why they do them, but the things that they do do will enable them to keep their head above water, so to speak. The society that they live in could provide them with a whole host of things that will allow them to do this. Their Demeanour The average person might have absolutely no idea that they are emotionally disconnected, as they could come across as someone who is positive and full of life. The image that they project to the world is going to have very little to do with what they are really like on the inside. But, as long as nothing dramatic takes place in their life, it should be possible for them to continue to live on the surface of themselves and to deceive most others in the process. Nevertheless, if something takes place that does reconnect them to how they feel, they could end up being in an extremely low place. The Trigger This is something that could take place if a loved one or a family member has passed on, or it could occur if they experience a break up. Up until this point they could have been somewhat settled, but now they could feel as though they are all at sea. Quite frankly, the pain that they are in could be unbearable - like an active volcano, the emotional part of their being will have erupted. The trouble is that as they have been emotionally disconnected for most of their life, they might have absolutely no idea about what to do. A Precarious Position At one point they would have been high up in the clouds and now they will be right down in the dirt. Not only will they feel really low and even depressed, they could also feel suicidal. The ideal would be for them to tell the people in their life about what they are going through and to reach out for support. This may happen, but there is also the chance that it won’t. The Gatekeeper Although they are in a lot of pain and desperately need help, another part of them could stop them from taking this step. This part of them could cause them to feel very uncomfortable about opening up to others. What is likely to underpin this part of them is shame, with this being something that has permeated their whole being. What they are going though is then going to be painful, but opening up to others will be seen as something that would be even more painful. An Inaccurate View One is going to be a human being who has emotional problems, something that is often part of the human experience, and yet they will feel as though this is something that they have to hide because of the toxic shame that is within them. Consequently, it won’t matter if they are in a relationship or if they have a big family, as it will be as if they are isolated on an island. What this illustrates is that while a small amount of shame can allow one to function in society, too much of it can cause them all kinds of problems. If they do carry a lot of shame, it can be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life. The Message Perhaps, their early years were a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Disconnecting from their emotions and therefore, their body, would have been a way for them to survive. What they experienced would have caused them to believe that there was something inherently wrong with who they are. In reality, how they were treated had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their caregiver/s. Awareness Irrespective of whether ones early years were like this or not, if they are in a bad way, they must take the next step. If they reach out to someone who can’t help, they need to keep looking until they find someone who can. The right help is out there but it might take a while for them to attain the help that they need. It will be vital for them tap into the part of them that wants to live and to move forward, no matter how small this part is.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is not in a good place emotionally, they could end up talking to a friend about how they feel. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they will want this person to do anything; simply sharing what is going on for them could be enough.
Opening up about what is going on for them can lighten their load, so to speak, and may allow them to settle down for a short while. Being able to do this can also allow them to gain valuable insights. Interdependent The fact that they have reached out in this way is likely to show that they are in tune with their feelings and that they feel comfortable with them. Opening up about how they feel to the people they trust is then going to be normal. If they were an independent human being, they wouldn’t need to reach out to other people as they would be able to take care of all of their needs by themselves. Yet, as this is not the case, it is good that they do reach out to others. Another Example If they are in an intimate relationship, opening up about how they feel is also likely to be normal. This will allow them to feel closer to their partner and for their partner to feel closer to them. Behaving in this way will mean that they are being vulnerable - the same goes for their partner - but this is what will enable them to experience a deeper connection. The alternative would be for them to hide this part of themselves and to have a very surface level relationship. Being, not doing In a lot of cases, one will share how they feel and they won’t need their partner to do anything for them. The same thing will apply in a lot of case when their partner opens up to them about how they feel. One of them will just hold the space for the other to share what is going on for them. Whoever does this will do what they can to stay present and to listen with their heart. An Important Ability If one of them was to open up and the other was to try to fix them, for instance, this could cause the former to feel invalidated and as though they are not being heard. If one asked for advice, this would be different. Simply listening will take far less effort than trying to change or to fix what they are going through, and it will most likely lead to a better outcome. One will feel as though their boundaries have been respected and this can strengthen the connection that they have together. A Different Scenario Conversely, someone could be going through a tough time but they might keep what they are going through to themselves. The thought of sharing how they feel with another person might not even cross their mind. As a result of this, they could do whatever they can to keep their feelings at bay and to carry on with their life. Carrying all this emotional weight by themselves is likely to put a lot of pressure on their being, which is likely to have a negative impact on their wellbeing, Isolated They might not have many friends and they could be single, too; then again, it might not be this black and white. One could have plenty of people in their life, and they could even be in a relationship. Nonetheless, even if there are a fair amount of people in their life and they are in a relationship, it won’t matter. One is rarely, if ever, going to reveal how they feel to these people. A Mask So although one will be an independent human being, someone who needs others, they will act as though they are completely independent. And if they do see other people open up, they could view them as weak and/or needy. Being this way is going to make it hard for them to develop deeper connections with others, in addition to the fact that they will suffer by keeping everything in. But while this will cause them to suffer, it is likely to be what feels comfortable. A Big Risk Hiding their feelings will mean that they will hide their true-self, yet the only way this will change is if they feel comfortable enough to reveal how they feel. As their feelings are just part of being human, it can seem strange as to why they would have the need to hide them from others. Nevertheless, there may have been a time in their life when their feelings were seen as a problem, setting them up to feel ashamed of this part of their being. This side of them would have been rejected by others and one would then have come to reject this part of themselves. Back In Time Perhaps one was brought up by caregivers who didn’t respond positively to their emotional needs. Showing this part of their being may have caused them to be rejected and/or abandoned. This would have caused them to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their emotional self. Keeping this part of them hidden would have been painful, but it would have been even more painful if they revealed it. Awareness One has rejected this part of themselves because other people rejected this part of them at a stage of their life when they were unable to see that there wasn’t anything wrong with this part of them. How their caregivers responded to this part of them was probably no different to how their caregivers responded to their feelings when they were growing. If one can relate to this, and wants to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
After someone has experienced loss, they could end up experiencing emotional pain. When it comes to how severe this pain is, it can all depend on who has passed on.
So, if a family member has passed on, the amount of pain that they are in could be unbearable. Through being in so much pain, one could reach out for the support of family and friends. Additional Help This might not be enough, though, and one might end up reaching out for professional assistance. Perhaps their friends and their family are unable to be there for them on a regular basis. It could be said that this is just part of life as these people are going to have their own responsibilities to deal with. There is also the chance that these people are also in a lot of pain and haven’t always got the energy to be there for them. The Sensible Approach The main thing here is that one will be embracing how they feel, and this will allow them to gradually embrace life once again. This doesn’t mean that they will ever ‘get over’ what took place; what it means is that they won’t stay stuck in this emotional place forever. Additionally, one may also allow themselves to cry when they need to or during certain times. What this will illustrate is that one has a healthy relationship with the emotional part of their being. Just One Example If this is the case, it is going to be normal for them to embrace how they feel. Therefore, regardless of whether someone passes on, a relationship comes to an end, or something else takes place that has an impact on them, they will go with how they feel. It is not going to be an issue for them to cry or to get angry, for instance, which may generally stop too much emotional pain from building-up inside their body. This is going to allow them to operate as whole human being. Two Sides Of course, there will be times when facing how they feel will be hard, even overwhelming, but it will be worth it. The reason for this is that having a good connection with their feelings will benefit their life in a myriad of ways. For one thing, it will give them the ability to form deeper connections with others, and this wouldn’t be possible if they were emotionally disconnected. Also, their feelings will give them the guidance that they need to live a fulfilling. A Different Experience For someone else, it could be normal for them to deny how they feel after they have experienced loss. It is then not going to matter what kind of loss takes place as they will respond in the same way. Through taking this approach, they may believe that the emotional pain they were in has simply disappeared. Yet, although it may seem as though is the case, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Disconnected In reality, their mind will have lost touch with their body and this part of them will still be carrying their feelings. However, as their point of awareness is generally in their head, this is unlikely to occur to them. To maintain the illusion that they have created, it will be vital for them to do what they can to stay out of their body. If this doesn’t take place and they were to get back in there, they would end up being overwhelmed by emotional pain. Twp Parts Living on the surface of themselves may allow them to be successful when it comes to their career, for instance, but it unlikely that they will be able to experience intimacy or to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. It could also be a real challenge for them to relax and to just be; if they were to settle down, all the pain that is inside them could start to rise up. Being on the go just about all of the time, acting like a ‘human doing’ as opposed to a ‘human being’, will be a way for them to avoid themselves. Nonetheless, this kind of behaviour is often seen as a sign that someone is ‘driven’ or has ‘high self-esteem’, so very few people are likely to realise that something isn’t right. What’s going on? If someone has the tendency to avoid how they feel as an adult and to live in their head, this could be something that has taken place for as long as they can remember. Perhaps, their early years were a time when they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed to develop in the right way. As a result of this, leaving their body and getting into their head would have been the only way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed. The years will then have passed, but staying out of their body will still be a way for them to stop themselves from being taken out by how they feel. A Build-Up Their body can then carry the emotional pain that they avoided as a child and it can carry all of the pain that they have avoided as an adult. The longer they avoid themselves in this way, the more pain there will be. With this is mind, the sooner that they face this pain the better it will be. Facing this pain is what will allow them to not just look whole on the outside, but to feel whole on the inside. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If an ornament was put outside, it might be able to handle the elements. This doesn’t mean that its appearance won’t change as time goes by; what it means is that it won’t end up falling apart.
However, there is also the chance that it won’t be long until it does start to fall apart. It will then be clear that it hasn’t got what takes to handle the elements, and this is why it shouldn’t have been exposed to the outside world. A Lot in Common In the same way, someone can find that being in the outside world generally doesn’t have much of a negative effect on them. It is then going to be possible for them to be in the world without being overwhelmed by it. There may be the odd thing that knocks them down, but they won’t continually be knocked down to the ground. Thus, like the first statue above, they will have what it takes to handle the elements. A Different Story For someone else, they may have a lot in common with the second statue that is mentioned above. If they spend time in the outside world, it could be normal for them to react strongly to something. And if they are able to clam themselves down, it might not be long until the same thing happens again. Therefore, they could believe that they haven’t got what it takes to be around others for too long. The Modern-Day World Yet, even if they don’t spend time around others, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to feel at peace. The reason for this is that one may have the inclination to experience a strong emotional reaction when they go online. For example, they could see what someone has posted online or they could watch video and that could be it; their inner world could be all over the place. After something like this has taken place, they may take a break from being online, or they may find that they get sucked in. One Approach If one was to get to the point where they have had enough of experiencing life in this way, they could do one of two things. Trying to control what is taking place in the external world may appeal to them; that’s if they believe that this is the problem. Trying to control what other people say or do is then going to be seen as the right thing to do. This will be a way for them to no longer experience so much inner unrest and to enjoy being around others, as well as to feel safe online. Plenty of Support If they do try to control other people’s behaviour, they are likely to find that it is not hard for them to find people who are coming from the same place. Like them, these people will be focusing on changing what is going on externally as opposed to what is taking place within them. What is interesting about this is that if they tried to behave in this way in a relationship, they would most likely be described as being abusive, and it will be clear that their behaviour is wrong. But, in this context, their behaviour can be seen as being right. Another Approach Alternatively, one might not be interested on trying to control other people’s behaviour, preferring to look into how they can change themselves. This will show that they are not willing to violate another person’s autonomy. For whatever reason, one is going to take responsibility for how they feel, not make other people solely responsible for it. It could be said that this will be the intelligent thing to do. All Over the Place If they were to step back and to reflect on what happens when something has an effect on them, they may find that they don’t always respond in the same way. There may be times when they end up getting extremely angry, while at others, they may experience a lot of fear. During other moments, they may end up being overwhelmed by anxiety or sadness. Living life in this way is going to cause them to experience a lot of ups and downs, making it hard for them to experience inner peace, to focus and to live in the moment. A Deeper Look One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they need to gain control of their mind. Through learning how to manage their thoughts, it will allow their emotions to settle down. This could be an accurate assessment or there could be far more to it. It might be more accurate to say that one is carrying a lot of trauma, which is why it is more or less impossible for them to manage their emotions. Back In Time If one was to look back on their life, they may find that something took place in their adult life that caused their inner world to change. Something would then have happened that overwhelmed them, and this would have meant that their system was unable to integrate the experience. The years would have passed but what took place is still causing them problems and will continue to do so until they resole it. Then again, what took place during their early years may be the reason why their emotional self is all at sea. A Closer Look During their early years, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This would have most likely left mark on their whole being – their brain, mind and body. Once again, a number of years will have passed since that time in their life but their being will still be in a bad way. What this illustrates is that time alone won’t heal the damage that was done. Awareness If anything, the only thing that time will do is cause them to be in even more pain and to become more disconnected from what took place. So if one can relate to this, and they want to change themselves, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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