I was thinking the other day about how, over the years, I had heard a number of people say that certain women had “daddy issues”. This was something that was said if a woman blamed all men for everything and hated men, or even if she had the tendency to go for older men.
However, although this is something that is often said, I don’t think it is as common to hear someone say that a man has “mommy issues”. This is not to say that it’s about time that men were criticised, as I think there is enough male bashing in the media as it is. Balance The reason this caught my attention is because I believe that seeing one gender as having all the problems doesn’t solve anything. At the end of the day, both men and women have their own stuff to deal with. Making out that only one gender has issues and the other is practically perfect just creates more problems. The only thing that this does is divide men and women, and the only people who benefit from this are the people at the top. A Clear Sign Taking this into account, if a man or a woman believes that the opposite sex is the problem, it is likely to show that they have mommy or daddy issues. The reason for this is that our mother and father are usually the people who provide us with our first experiences of men and women. How these two people treated us and behaved at the beginning of our life is then what shapes our view of men and women. Yet, as this takes place so early on, it can be easy for us to be unaware of the effect that these two people have on our life. Time Goes By So, if someone didn’t have a good experience with their mother/father during the beginning of their life, it can then be normal for them to come into contact with men/women who will press their buttons, so to speak. But, due to the amount of time that has passed since this time in their life, they might not realise what is taking place. As a result of this, they can end up blaming the men/women in their present life for what is going on. They can then see themselves as a victim and these people will be the perpetrators. Two Experiences Thanks to the fact that men are often demonised by the media and the education system, it can be a lot harder for a woman to own her own issues. No matter what a woman goes through, there will be no reason for her to take responsibility for what happens; the bad behaviour that she has experienced will just be a reflection of what men are like On the other hand, if a man has issues with a woman, it will be a lot harder for him to say bad things about them in public. Consequently, as it is harder for a man to get away with blaming woman for his problems, it can cause him to look within. Final Thoughts Then again, he might just join a movement that is more underground; where other people will validate what he is going on. If someone really wants to make a difference in the world, it is clear how important it is for them to own what is going on for them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
It’s not uncommon for someone to say that they want someone to love them, and this is what will motivate them to look for another person to be with. They might believe that everything will be fine after they have found someone like this.
At an emotional level, they are likely to feel empty, and so it is to be expected that they will come to the conclusion that they are missing something. Their missing piece will be out there somewhere, in someone else, and the sooner this piece is found the better. The Norm There is the chance that this is how they always feel when they are not in a relationship, making it difficult for them to enjoy their own company. They might even look back on their life and see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. So, once they are with someone, they are likely to go from one extreme to the other. When they were single, it could have been as if they were living in a desert, wasting away; but now they are with someone, they could feel whole and complete, and as though every need has been met. A Ricky Road However, while they will feel this way in the beginning, this is unlikely to be an inner experience that lasts for very long. Part of them is likely to fear that the other person will leave them. And, if they pay too much attention to this fear, they could end up pushing their partner away, thereby bringing into reality the very thing that they fear the most. But, even if this doesn’t happen, there is likely to come a time when they feel as though they are not receiving enough attention. Time for a Change Instead of being able to see that it is normal for a relationship to change as time goes by, they can have the need to receive the same amount of attention as they did in the beginning. This attention will have helped to keep their inner emptiness at bay. What they might do is change their appearance in some way in order to try to get their partner to act like they did before, or they could even look for someone else to be with. The last thing they will want is to be on their own if the relationship comes to an end. The Big Illusion The thing is, though, the love they are looking for is within them, and the only reason they are unable to realise this is due to pain that they are carrying. This is also what is stopping them from feeling whole and complete. Their own heart is full of love – so much love in fact, that the love they receive from others will never match up to the love they will receive from their own heart. What is within them is the real deal, everything outside of them will pale in comparison. Final Thoughts To be more accurate, their heart will need to be open for them to be able to receive love from others. Thus, they are wasting their time looking for love when they are unable to embrace the love that is within them. If they were to go back in time, they may find that what took place during their early years caused them to experience a lot of pain. Along with this, there may also be the trauma that was passed down from their ancestors. What is stopping them from being able to connect to the love that is within them will need to be brought out to the surface and acknowledged. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While I was out the other day I saw a woman who was wearing a fair amount of makeup, and seeing this woman had quite a big effect on me. But, even though part of me was responding to what I had seen, another part of me thought about how strange this all was.
For one thing, I didn’t know anything about this woman; the fact that she looked good didn’t mean that I would like her as a person, or that she was a virtuous human being. It has been said that attraction is not a choice and I think there is a certain amount of truth to this saying. It’s instant Seeing this woman had a similar effect on me that a cake might have; it was as though part of me had been hijacked, and I experienced a strong desire to go one step further. I didn’t have to think about anything; I just felt a strong urge when I saw her. I could be said that this was the result of my desire to procreate and that’s all there is to it. This naturally played a part, yet there was also what was going on for me at an emotional level. An Illusion Clearly, it was a lot easier for me to project things onto this woman due to the fact that she was wearing makeup. Without this, there is no doubt that she wouldn’t have looked the same. There was a time when I didn’t have the ability to see what was going on, and this meant that I my reaction was a lot stronger and I would end up elevating a woman. What stopped me from doing this was working through the issues I had with my own mother, which allowed me to embrace my feminine aspect. Back Down Earth I came to see that I was projecting my feminine aspect onto women, and this caused me to elevate them. The self-love and nurturance that I hadn’t embraced internally, was then going to be provided externally by a woman. Through undertaking this process, it became a lot easier for me to see women as just people as opposed to goddesses. Therefore, what I was looking towards women for was inside me the whole time. The Sensible Approach I think that it is dangerous for me, or any other straight man for that matter, to develop a relationship with a woman just because of how she looks. An attractive woman might make a man feel good in the short-term, but it could be very different in the long-term. If a man was completely controlled by his smaller head, he wouldn’t have any control over who he ends up with. Fortunately, he can decide what kind of woman he ends up with by dealing with his own wounds and, as this takes place, it will also have an effect on what kind of woman his smaller head is attracted to. Final Thoughts It a man is disconnected from how he feels; it can then take a while for him to reconnect to his body. This is where all his pain will be found, pain that will stop him from being able to feel whole. When it comes to doing this inner world, the assistance of a therapist or a healer maybe needed.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone is going through a challenging time, for instance, it can be easy to assume that they need advice. It is then going to be as though they don’t know what do, meaning that they will need to be saved.
One can then end up feeling a lot of pressure - pressure that will arise through having the need to say the right things to this person. As a result of this, it is not going to be about listening to what they are going through and simply being there for them; it will be about doing things for them. Another Experience Then again, this might not be something that causes them to experience any more pressure than they usually do, due to the fact that this is what they are used to doing. This is not going to be much of a surprise, considering they are likely to live in a culture that is focused on doing as opposed to being. They, like they like so many people around them, will behave more like a human doing than a human being. If one is unable to just be, it can show that they are carrying a lot of pain and that they feel worthless. Invalidated When someone is going through a challenging time, what they might really need is for another person to just be there for them. This means that having another person’s presence there will be more than enough. They will be able to express what is going on for them and this can allow them to let go of a lot of weight off their shoulders and to become clear about what they need to do. One was then just being and didn’t do anything, yet they would have had a big effect on them. Two Sides This could be seen as a more feminine approach as one wouldn’t have done anything, whereas the need to do something is a more masculine approach. If the other person wants their advice they can provide it, but this is not something that they have to offer. Sitting back and not doing anything is going to be a challenge for someone if they believe that their value is based on what they do. This will stop them from being able to realise that their value is inherent and that they don’t need to do anything. Another Part When this is the case, their whole identity can be built around them needing to have all the answers and being able to rescue others. And, if this doesn’t take place, they might end up coming into contact with a lot of pain. This can be the pain that they are keeping at bay through trying to rescue others, and there is the chance that this pain is a consequence of what they went through at the beginning of their life. Therefore, their need to rescue others can be a way for them to avoid the part of themselves that they need to rescue. Final Thoughts The irony here is that it doesn’t take a lot to be there for others in this way, yet it can be extremely difficult to do so. No tools, techniques, special words or phrases are needed; the only thing that is needed is complete presence.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Due to the fact that a number of countries in Middle East have been disrupted by the establishment, it has meant that a lot of people have been displaced. Before this happened, people were told that these countries were basically a threat to their survival, which meant that something needed to be done about them.
When it came to Iraq, for instance, people were told that they had weapons of mass destruction, and this, of course, turned out to be one big lie. In reality, the people behind the scenes just needed a pretext to get Saddam out of the way so that they could steal the countries resources, amongst other things. The Same Old Story Therefore, the reason that they give to people as to why something needs to be done about a certain country has absolutely nothing to do with the real reason. So, regardless of whether they said that a country had WMDs, used chemical weapons or supported terrorism, these were just distractions. Let’s face it, the countries that actually support terrorism are not in the Middle East; they are actually in the west. These people at the top in these countries create the impression that the ‘bad guys’ are over there, hiding the fact that they are the ones who are terrorising the world and their own people. Hit and Run After all, it is a lot easier to control people when they are in a state of fear; their priority will be to be safe and not to question what is actually going on. And, once a politician has decided to invade a country (or been told to) and this country ends up in a complete mess, it won’t have much of an effect on their life. No matter how long they are in power for, there will come a time when they will be able to walk away - free from the consequences of their actions. Yet, while they will be able to walk away and live just about anywhere they like, there will be millions of people who will have to face the consequences of their actions. One Outcome So, along with the fact that millions of people have died as a result of their country being invaded, there have been millions more who have needed somewhere else to live. One has to wonder if the people at the top actually thought about where all these people were going to live after their home had been destroyed. It has been said that destroying parts of Middle East was only one part of the equation; the other part was to gradually destroy Europe. The first part would take place by using bombs, whereas the second part would take place by flooding Europe with people from completely different cultures. Heart Over Head It is unclear as to how many people have already come into Europe from these countries, but what is clear is that there are still millions more who need somewhere to live. Fortunately for these people, so many people in the west have been conditioned to believe that open borders are a good idea. For a lot of people, this is seen as the moral thing to do, and the view that someone would have if they are a compassionate human being. Thus, if someone doesn’t think that open borders are a good idea, they can be seen as immoral, heartless, and they might even been seen as xenophobic. Black and White Based on this outlook, there is going to be a view that is right and a view that is wrong; it will be as simple as that. An evolved human being will believe that open borders are a good idea, while a primitive human being wont. If someone who believes that they are a good idea comes into contact with someone who doesn’t, there will be no reason for them to hear what this person has to say. To hear what they have to say could be seen as the equivalent of listening to someone who believes that one race is superior to another. A Closer Look However, while it would be easy to believe that this is something that is black and white, this wouldn’t take into account the real concerns that some people have about open borders. When someone accuses another person of being xenophobic for being against open borders, it is likely to show that they are now willing to put themselves in their shoes. Instead, they are going to do what they can to silence them and, accusing them of being xenophobic will be one way to do this. Saying this can cause the other person to experience shame, and when someone experiences shame they can end up fearing that they will be ostracised. Fear of Death This person is then not going to be holding a gun to their head, but what they say may still cause this person to feel as their life is under threat. In order to make sure they are not isolated from the rest of society, they can end up censoring themselves. What this shows is that although times have changed, someone can still respond to life in the same way as their ancestors did. Many, many years ago, being ostracised would have meant that someone would die – nowadays, this is no longer the case. The Demonization of Discrimination When someone doesn’t believe that open borders are a good idea, they could talk about how there are people in the world who are dangerous, for instance. Therefore, it would be crazy to simply allow someone into a country without finding out more about them. If the wrong kinds of people were allowed in, it would end up undermining the country in a number of ways. This is then similar to how a sensible person wouldn’t just let anyone into their house or end up in a relationship with someone without finding if they are suitable for them. Conclusion If someone did let absolutely anyone into their house or ended up in a relationship with anyone, and did this because they felt sorry for them or wanted to prove how virtuous they were, there is a strong chance that they would end up being taken advantage of. Or, they could even end up being killed. There are plenty of people in this world who allow their emotions to decide who they end up with, and these are often the ones who end up in abusive relationships. Helping people who have been displaced is important, and what is equally as important is to do to this without creating even more problems down the line.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When I was out the other day, I saw someone who had all these cuts on their forearm and I thought that this person must self-harm. Over the years, I have seen a number of people with arms that have received a lot of harm.
But, whenever I see something like this, I usually feel pain through imagining what it must be like and I feel deeply curious as to why something like this has taken place. I want to know what this person has been through; what it is that has caused them to do this to themselves. Trauma When someone has at least one arm that has been cut in this way, there is a strong chance that they have had a least one experience that completely overwhelmed them. And, if it wasn’t one experience, then they would have had a number of experiences like this. Perhaps this was how they felt during the beginning of their life, or it might be due to what has happened in their adult life. If it goes back to their early years, maybe they were abused and/or neglected. Too Much This pain is likely to have been so overwhelming that they had to disconnect from it, with this being a matter of survival. If this was the case, it is likely to show that there wasn’t anyone available who could be there for them. Yet, if their whole system was overwhelmed as a result of being abused, this is not much of a surprise. The person (or people) who abused them wouldn’t have had the awareness to see how destructive their behaviour was. A Build-Up The years would have passed since this took place but the pain would have stayed in their body. And as they have disconnected from their body in order to protect themselves, they will spend a lot of time feeling numb. Cutting their own body will enable them to feel something, and this will also allow them to experience an emotional release. Doing this will cause their body to release endorphins, too – the feel good chemicals. The Downside This will allow them to discharge some energy and to feel better for a short while, and this is what they need. However, the problem with doing this is that they are harming themselves in the process. In addition, what it takes for them to experience pleasure at one point in time might not be what it takes at another, causing them to do even more damage to themselves. This is why it is going to be vital for them to reach out for the right support. Final Thoughts Due to what they experienced - either as a child or in their adult life - they can carry a lot of shame, and this shame can be exacerbated by what they have done to their body. Nevertheless, even though they can be caught up in this shame, it doesn’t mean that there is something inherently wrong with them. A therapist or a healer, for instance, will make this clear to them; that doesn’t mean that they will be able to accept this straight away. This is likely to take time and effort, but they are worth it.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|