Although some people have the tendency to take responsibility for what takes place within them, there are others who don’t. Due to this, it can be normal for someone to believe that what is taking place externally has nothing to do with what is going on internally.
It is then going to be challenge for them to see when something ‘out there’ is not the problem. Even so, it doesn’t mean that they will find it hard to attract people into their life. The Victims When it comes to the people who are in their life, they could simply take on what one is not willing to own. This can then mean that they will believe that it belongs to them, and there will then be no reason for them to do anything about what is taking place. Through being around people who are like this, there is going to be no reason for one to change. Their environment will give them the support that they need to carry on doing the same thing. Resistance But if the people around them are not willing to go along with what one sees in them, it doesn’t mean that they will get very far. This is because one could dismiss or ignore what they come out with. During the moments when they speak up about what is taking place, one could say that they are getting defensive and that this proves they are in the wrong. What this will then show is that it doesn’t matter what they say, as their interactions are unlikely to change. Keeping the Peace So based on what takes place when they speak up, they may prefer to go along with how things are. And while this will cause them to deny their own truth, it will stop them from having to experience unnecessary ‘drama’. It could then be said that this will allow one to avoid pain in the shot-term, but it will set them up to suffer in the long-term. As not only will they deny their own truth, they can also end up feeling completely worthless. How Does This Look? When one is in a position where they are unable to own what is taking place within them, they will be convinced that what they see in others has nothing do to with them. The parts of themselves that they have disowned will then end up being projected onto others. For example, one could feel as though they are incapable, but instead of being able to face how they feel they could end up perceiving other people in this way. Or one could say that that other people only think about themselves, when this could be how they are. A Reflection When this takes place, it is not going to be possible for them to know what someone else is like; the only thing they will see is their own reflection. Therefore, although one can believe that they know someone; this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. What they will primarily know about another is what they have disconnected from within themselves. However, as it is too painful for them to connect to themselves, they are unlikely to realise what is taking place. Validation Yet if one is surrounded by people who put up with what they are not willing to take responsibility for, then there is going to be no reason for them to change. One can then continue to live on the surface of themselves, and they can believe that they are simply observing reality. As a result of this, there is unlikely to be a lot of growth involved in their relationships, and this is because they need the people around them to carry what they are unwilling to take responsibility for. Therefore, the only way they can stop themselves from facing how they feel is to make sure the people around them play a certain role. Stuck The people in their life can then feel trapped in their presence, but this will be what allows one to feel a sense of control. Without controlling what is taking place around then, they may have to face how they feel. If someone who spends time with them was to get to the point where they are no longer willing to take on what doesn’t belong to them, they may be able to walk away. There is also the chance that they may need to build themselves up first. The Time Has Come This could then be a time where they will start to develop a sense of themselves, and this will allow them to create boundaries. Through doing this, they will be able to see where they begin and end and where other people begin and end. This will then make it a lot easier for them to know when someone is projecting their issues onto them, and they will feel safe enough to stand their ground. And if someone tries to undermine them, they will also be able to walk away without feeling as though a though their life is under threat. Drawing the Line As they begin to change, it is going to mean that it will be harder for other people to project their issues onto them. There is then the chance that someone in their life will come on even stronger, and this will show that it will be in their best interest to cut their ties with them. The reason they could come on stronger is that when one is no longer willing to carry their issues, it can be a lot harder for them to avoid themselves. It can then be vital for them to do everything they can to force one back into the role they used to play, as this will them to keep their feelings at bay. Awareness Ultimately, it will be clear that the other person cant (or wont) take responsibility for how they feel and one will have no choice but to move on. By doing this, they will soon start to feel better about themselves. If one has people in their life who behave in this way and they want to move on, they may need to work with a therapist. This will allow them to develop the strength that they need in order let go of people who have no place in their life.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
While one can have people in their life who are there to support them, they can also spend time with people who try to fix them. As a result of this, it could be said that one will feel good in their presence or they will end up feeling bad.
Another way of looking at it would be to say that one’s life will be enhanced through having them in their life, or it will end up being undermined. However, regardless of what kind of people they have in their life, there is the chance that it is what is normal. Part of Life Therefore, if one does have supportive people around them, it could be seen as something that is just part of life. If they were to come across people who experience life differently, they could wonder why they put up with this kind of behaviour. Or they could start to think about how lucky they are, and this can then show that they believe that an external force is having an effect on their life. Either way, they are going to believe that this is something that is out of their control. The Other Side But if one has people around them who are not supportive, it could be seen as something they have to tolerate. If they were to come across other people who have people around them who are different, they could believe it’s because they have something they don’t have. Yet if this is not the case, they could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and it will then important for them to wait until their luck changes. One can then feel as though they have no control over their life. Outlook Nevertheless, if one’s relationships are fulfilling, it won’t matter if they believe that’s it’s because they are lucky. This area of their life will be going as they want it to go and so they are not going to suffer. On the other hand, if one’s relationships are not fulfilling and they believe that this area of their life if out of their control, then it is going to cause them up to suffer. What this also shows is how important it is for one to have the right people around them. In Need Of Repair So, when one spends time with people who undermine them, they can be used to feeling as though there is something wrong with them. This can be due to the fact that they can be seen as someone who is incapable. They will believe that one can’t do things for themselves, and so they need other people do to do things for them. Now, this is not to say that one won’t have things that they are struggling with, or that a number of areas of their life are not going as they would like them to go. Perception What it comes down to is that they are not going to be seen as someone who has challenges like anyone else on this planet; they are going to be seen as someone who has something inherently wrong with them. Thus, it will be necessary for them to act like parent and to treat one as though they are a child. When one makes a decision, they could end up being told that it is the wrong one, and they could even be used to being told how they should live their life. It then won’t matter whether they ask for advice, as they are going to get it anyway. Worn Down Through spending time with people like this, one could find that it is even harder for them to trust their own judgement. This can also be the case if they only have one person in their life who behaves in this way. One could then find that even though someone is having a negative effect on their life, they are unable to walk away from them. They could see that they have become dependent on them, and they could then wonder how they would survive without them. Two Experiences What this can then show is that one doesn’t value themselves, and this is why they put up with people who are like this. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. This would then have stopped them from developing a strong sense of self, and they would have ended up being boundaryless. Through being this way, part of them will feel comfortable being around people who treat them badly. The Fixer When it comes to the people who see them as someone who needs to be fixed, they can also feel worthless at a deeper level. However, while one is likely to be in touch with how they feel, this is unlikely to be the case for then. There is the chance that they will have disconnected from how they feel, and this will then cause them to believe that they are above others. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will have created a false-self that allows them to come across as though they have it all together. A Reflection The people they are drawn to can then be a reflection of how they feel at a deeper level. But as they are not aware of what is taking place within them, it is not going to be possible for them to realise this. Fixing others is then a way for them to fix the part of themselves that they have lost touch with. Yet as they are not willing of face what is taking place within them, it is not going to be possible for them to heal themselves. False-Self If they were to get in touch with their true-self, they are likely to end up experiencing a lot of pain. And as they can feel good about themselves through attracting people who reflect how they feel at a deeper level, there is going to be no reason for them to change. Their false-self stops them from being able to be themselves and this will cause them to suffer, however, they would experience even more pain if they were to face themselves. Even so, this pain won’t last forever and it would allow them to be an authentic human being. Awareness If one is used to having people who undermine them or if they try to undermine others, it might be necessary for them who work with a therapist. During this time, they can start to get in touch with who they are and to feel comfortable enough to reveal their true-self to others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|