A few years ago a friend of mine asked me if I was able to help them move house. I asked them when they were moving and I came to see that I was available on that day.
I think I had already helped two friends move house already that year, so I was well-prepared. Shortly after I had been asked, I started to think about what it would be like and I wasn’t expecting too much. It’s All the Same But then why would I, I was helping a friend to move house; it was not as if I was going on holiday. Even so, I was happy to be there for a friend who needed my help. When I arrived at her old house, I met her son and her nephew. And while I had heard her talk a lot about her son, I didn’t know much about her nephew. A Pleasant Surprise As the day went by I had a number conversations with her nephew, Wain, and I couldn’t believe that I had actually met someone like this while I was helping a friend move house. In a way, it was like clearing out an old barn and finding a brand new Ferrari inside. This was someone who was down to earth, friendly and easy going, and we had an instant connection. I found out that he was a photographer, amongst other things, which made me think about the kind of work that we could do together in the future. A Blessing It wasn’t long before we got together again, and this was when I started to find out that this was someone who had incredible depth. If was someone who looked for talented footballers for a living, I would say that I had found the real deal. I soon came to see that nothing was off-limits with this person; he was open-minded and anything but judgemental. It was clear that I had met someone who wasn’t happy to live on the surface of life. Going Straight In And as I like to look deeper into life myself, I was incredibly grateful that our paths had crossed. There were moments when I expressed my view on something and he went into the reasons why he didn’t agree with what I said. Also, when I said that I wanted to do something, he would ask me why that was and what I was looking to gain from doing it. Up until this point I had asked myself why I wanted to do something, but this didn’t always take place. An Important Question At first I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond; if anything, I felt a bit taken aback. However, as time passed and we spent more time together, I started to see how necessary it was to ask myself why I wanted to do something. It can be easy to want to do something without actually thinking about why this is, or to have a false idea about what will happen if a certain path is followed. Through taking a step back and looking into the reasons why we want to achieve something, we may find that we don’t actually want to achieve something. The Right Track If we do this, it could end us saving us a lot of time, money and energy. For example, perhaps we just want to feel a certain way, and believe that we will feel this way if something takes place. We may then find that there is another way to feel this way, or that we won’t feel this way through taking this route. But unless this question is asked, we are not going to be behaving like a conscious human being; instead, we will be caught up in all kinds of illusions. If you would like to find out more about Wain, please go to https://www.timetorelax.space/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Over the years, I have had a number of mentors, and one mentor that has had a big effect on me is one that I met at a charity event in 2003. This person was offering readings there and it turned out that this was not the only thing she did.
If I remember rightly, my mother and sister had a reading with her whilst I was with my father. Shortly after the event, we all went to see her and a relationship started to form. A Number of Tools In addition to the readings that she offered, there were also a number of other things that she was trained in. There was Reiki, NLP, a type of head massage, and other spiritual practices. This was when I had only just started to get on the path, so to speak, which meant that I was hungry to know more. Having said that, it might be more accurate to say that this was a time when I was getting ready to get on the path. An Open Mind My mind was open and I just wanted to know more about what this woman knew. After having spent so long around people who were not into this kind of stuff, it was a relief to have met someone who was on the same page. In many ways, this woman was like the cool kid at school; I was drawn to her and listened to whatever she had to say. I soon learnt Reiki and after a while, I ended up learning about NLP. Plenty of Insight It wasn’t one-sided though, as this was someone who took the time to listen to what I had to say. In fact, I would say that I felt as thought I had finally found someone who understands me. As the years passed I continued to learn a lot from her, and I had a number of readings too. During these years, I wasn’t sure about what I was going to do; I only knew that I had found something that interested me. It Didn’t Fit And even though I thought that Reiki healing had the potential to make a difference, I didn’t feel the need to take it further. As time went by, I was drawn to other healing techniques, and in 2008 I started writing in a journal. Around this time I didn’t see this woman as much, but when I did see her I appreciated her company. After doing this for about two years, I started writing articles on psychology, and this was something that I spoke to her about. An Unexpected Outcome I said to her about what I was doing and she said that no one would listen to me because I don’t have a degree. This wasn’t what I expected to here from her and I felt let down, betrayed even. Fortunately, I didn’t pay much attention to what she said. It wasn’t that I was convinced that people would listen to what I had to say; it was just that I felt the need to keep going. One Focus I had the need to write, and this stopped me from getting caught up in how other people would respond. If I was doing it for another reason, I might have stopped there and then. Ultimately, what she came out with was her own belief, as opposed to the truth. What this makes me think about is how important it is for us to listen to ourselves and not to allow our life to be defined by other people’s limiting beliefs.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to spend more time speaking to people online than they do in the real world. And when one uses social media, they are going to be socialising online.
The New Way One might even believe that they don’t need to spend much time talking to people in the real world, and this is because they may believe that talking to people online is just the same. This is then going to be similar to how there would have been a time when human beings had to go by boat to other countries and now they can just fly. And, thanks to the devices that are available, one can use social media no matter where they are. Perhaps if it wasn’t for these devices, social media wouldn’t be half as popular as it is today. Another Experience However, even if one does spent a lot of time on social media, it doesn’t mean that they won’t spend much time around others. One could spend about as much time talking to people offline as they do online. In fact, one could even spend a lot of time on their Smartphone when they are around other people. This is then not just something that they use; it can be as if it is another part of their body. A Number of Options There are, of course, a number of things that one can do when they use social media. One can speak to their ‘friends’ directly, or they can share something on their wall or comment on what someone else has shared. When they share something on their wall, it could relate to them personally or it might not have anything to do with them. If it does relate to them, it could mean that they have shared a picture of themselves; whereas if it doesn’t, it could mean that they have shared a funny video. Feedback There are likely to be a number of things that will define how many people will respond to what they share and what kind of responses they will receive. One of the things that can play a part is what they look like. What this means is that if they are physically attractive, they are far more likely to receive positive feedback for sharing a picture of themselves. And if they are an attractive woman, it can be even easier. One Area One could share pictures of their face and they could share images of their body. If they were to share a picture of their body, it could be said that they are objectifying themselves. But as they are the ones who are doing this, they are not going to have a problem with it. Some people might find it hard to understand why a woman would objectify herself online; especially as so many women have been against the objectification of women’s bodies in magazines and papers, for instance. A Closer Look It might then be more accurate to say that some women don’t have an issue with this and some do. At the same time, there are going to be women who do it even though they say that they are against it. When this happens, a woman is saying one thing and doing the complete opposite. What this could then show is that her emotional needs end up overriding what is taking place in her mind, and this then causes her to do the very thing that she says is against. Another Element This could also show that she hasn’t really thought about what she believes, and there is then no reason for her to stand by it. Yet, even if she does believe this, her emotional needs could still take over. And what will also play a part in how many people respond to what they share is the amount of ‘friends’ that they have. Therefore, the more ‘friends’ they have the more comments and ‘likes’ they are likely to receive. A Big Difference While there are going to be some people who need to a lot of attention when they use social media, there are going to be others who don’t. This is not to say that everyone fits into two groups, though. When one does need a lot of attention, they could end up changing their profile picture more or less every day. There will then be the pictures and videos that they upload on a regular basis. One Reason It would be easy to say that this shows that they are an attention seeker, and that they find it hard to feel good about themselves unless they are receiving positive feedback from others. If this is the case, it could show that they didn’t receive the right care when they were growing up. On the other hand, what it could show is that their emotional needs are not being met in the real world. This is something that can also apply to the people who don’t share half as much on social media. Shallow Relationships And even if one does have people in their life, it doesn’t mean that these relationships will allow them to meet their needs. The reason for this is that they might only share parts of themselves with these people. So, they may talk about what they have done and go to different places with them, but that could be as far as it goes. What is taking place at a deeper level and how they feel is going to be overlooked. A Poor Substitute Consequently, one is going to be looking for people online to give them what they are not receiving in the real world. In many ways, this is comparable to one going online when they feel hungry; if this was to take place they wouldn’t last for very long. The trouble is that when one goes online in order to fulfil their emotional needs, they are likely to slightly better. And as this does have a positive effect on them, it can stop them from being able to realise that their life would be far better if they actually had fulfilling relationships. Conclusion As good as social media is, it can’t replace real human interaction; in the same way that a supplement cant replace real food. One may find that they have always had superficial relationships with others. If this is the case, and they want to change their life, they could read books about communication and relationships. Finding a mentor or a coach might also help.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although there are going to be moments in someone’s life when they will need to be serious, they won’t need to behave in this way all the time. Along with this, one will need to be easy going at times, and at other times, they will need to be firm.
Multifaceted Ultimately, how one will need to behave can all depend on what kind of environment they are in and what the context is. Yet, as they are going to have more than one side to their nature, it is not going to be a challenge for them to adapt and to change their behaviour. Through being this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle the different challenges that life has to offer and as well as to enjoy the good experiences that come their way. This is not to say that one can’t enjoy a challenge; what it comes down to is that there are going to be moments that are not challenging. Playtime For example, if one was to go for a night out or to have a drink with a friend, it is unlikely to be a challenge. During this time, it will be important for them to be able to relax and to be in the moment. It probably won’t be necessary for them to behave how they would at work; if they did, they might not be able to embrace the time that they spend together. This is then no different to how one is not always going to wear the same clothes. Flexibility The kind of clothes that they wear will also depend on what they are going to do and who they are going to see. This is not simply a case of ‘fitting in’; if it was, then wearing the same clothes all the time would be a sign of strength and defiance. At times, the clothes they wear will stop them from injuring themselves, and at other times, they will allow them to create the right impression. Therefore, if one wore the same clothes all the time, they would be doing more harm than good. The Right Tool So whether it relates to how they behave or the kind of clothes they wear, it will be no different to using the right tool for a job. This will be the same as how one would use a saw to cut a price of wood or a hammer to bang a nail in. On the one hand, they will realise what kind of tool they need to use, and on the other, the tool that they need will be available. And when it comes to their ability to change their behaviour, it will show that they know how they need to behave and that they have the ability to change their behaviour. A Choice Still, this doesn’t mean that one will just be a chameleon, as this would mean that their behaviour is being completely defined by their environment. If this is what happened, it would show that one has a weak sense of self. The difference is that one is choosing to change their behaviour, and this means that there may be moments when they don’t want to adapt. Perhaps they are not in the mood, and this will then cause them to come across differently. The Reason What this will show is that one feels safe enough to change their behaviour, and this is why they don’t always need to go along with how other people behave. If this wasn’t the case, then it would be normal for them to be a chameleon. One will feel as though it is safe for them to exist and this is what will allow them to embrace their true-self. Now, this doesn’t mean that one will be aware of this, as they may have felt this way their whole life. The Norm When one can behave how they want to behave, it is going to make it a lot easier for them to life a fulfilling existence. They will be aware of what their needs are and they will have the ability to fulfil them. There are then going to be people who have the tendency to behave how other people want them to (or how they think they want them to). This can mean that they will always behave in the same way. A Role One may generally come across as someone who is only too happy to please others and this is likely to mean they will be easy going. Or, they could always feel down and not show a lot of emotion. In addition to how they behave, there can also be how well they do in life. One may find that they only feel comfortable staying at certain level and, if they go any higher, it causes them to experience fear and anxiety. Trapped One is then a multifaceted human being, but they act as though they only have one or a few sides to their nature. This is then going to be no different to a builder who only has a few tools; they are not going to be able to do the job properly. It can then seem as though one is living their life, yet this is not going to be the complete truth. One won’t be able to embrace their needs, and this is going to stop them from being able to life a fulfilling life. A Closer Look At a deeper level, this is going to be what feels safe and, unless this changes, one will continue to play a role. What this can show is that they had to play a role in order to survive when they were younger. If they changed their behaviour it may have caused them to be abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. There may have been moments when playing this role didn’t keep them safe either. Awareness These experiences would have caused one to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to pay attention to their own needs and feelings or to exist. Along with the beliefs that were formed during this time, there is also going to be the trauma that they experienced. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This can be a time when they will be changing what they believe and releasing the trauma that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Project Their Issues Onto Other People?2/9/2017
While every human being has an inner world and an outer world, it doesn’t mean these two worlds are completely separate. What is taking place internally will have an effect on what is going on externally and vice versa.
A Lens It is then not possible for someone to simply observe what is taking place around them, as what is taking place within them will have an effect on what they see. They will have an inner filter that influences how they experience life. This filter will be what defines how they interpret what they see and, in turn, this will affect how they respond to what happens. One might remember a time in their life when something annoyed them but it didn’t annoy one of their friends, and this could show that their friend interpreted it different. Disempowered If someone believes that their mind is not playing a part in how they experience life, it might be hard for them to accept this. Now, they could resist what they hear and carry on as normal, but this is not going to allow them to feel like an empowered human being. Instead, they will continue to see themselves as a victim, and it can then be as if the world is made up of victims and perpetrators. Along with this, there can be the people out there who rescue others. Empowerment On the other hand, when one understands that their mind is playing a part in how they experience life, they will already accept this. Through being this way, one is likely to feel empowered. This doesn’t mean that they will never feel like a victim; what it means is that they won’t have a victim mentality. It will be an experience that comes and then it will soon pass, and this will allow them to move forward. A Garden When it comes to what is taking place externally, this is going to have an effect on what takes place within them. Their thoughts and feelings are then going to be heavily influenced by their environment. This doesn’t mean that one needs to live in the perfect environment in order to have positive thoughts and feelings and to achieve their goals, though. The reason for this is that even though one only has so much control when it comes to what happens externally, the same can’t be said when it comes to what takes place within them. In The Driver’s Seat Having said that, if one’s mind is out of control, it can seem as though it is easier to control what it kiang place externally. Therefore, if one is unable to detach from what is taking place within them as opposed to getting caught up in it, they can do everything they can to control their environment and everyone in it. So, when one has a good relationship with their inner world and they are able to observe what is taking place within them, they won’t need to act like a control freak. Consequently, it will be a lot easier for them to handle the challenges of life and to stay on track. No Where to Hide Through being this way, one may also realise that what is taking place within them wont just disappear if they disconnect from it. If they were to do this, what they have lost touch with will end up being mirrored back to them. This comes down to the fact that when one doesn’t deal with something, they will end up coming into contact with people who express what they have repressed. Or, they can believe that someone has a certain issue even when this isn’t the case. Boundaries When one has the ability to see when they are projecting their issues onto someone else, it can show that they know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Though being this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to own what is taking place within them and to deal with it. What this will also show is that one has a good level of self-awareness, as this will be what allows them to keep track of what is going on within them. There will be what is going on in their mind (thoughts and beliefs) and what is going on in their body (feelings and sensations). Another Scenario If one lacks self-awareness and they are not aware of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end, it is going to be a challenge for them to see when they are projecting their issues onto others. They can be completely focused on what is taking place around them, and what is taking place within them will then be overlooked. Some of the people who they come into contact with will press their buttons, but they won’t be able to see why this is. It will then be down to these people to change, as one will believe that they have it all together. It Takes Work It could be said that it is human nature to focus on what is taking place externally and to ignore what is taking place internally. After all, human beings are born with eyes; it doesn’t take any effort to see what is taking place externally. Yet, when it comes to turning into what is taking place internally, this is generally something that takes a lot of effort. This is an ability that one will have to develop themselves, as it is highly unlikely that anyone else will force them to develop it. In The Beginning In most countries around the world, self-awareness is not part of the education system. The same could be said about boundaries - if one hasn’t developed them they could stay this way for the rest of life. When one doesn’t have boundaries, it is likely to show that they were abused and/or neglected during their younger years. One is then going to look like an adult, but they won’t have individuated. Awareness If one finds it hard to connect with what is taking place within them and they have the tendency to project their issues onto others, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk The Media: Is Someone Naive If They Believe That The Mainstream Media Exists To Inform People?2/9/2017
If one was to think about what the purpose of a supermarket is, they may say that it is to sell people food. This could be seen as a fairly accurate assessment, and what they could add is that these places often sell house related items.
It Goes On Alternatively, one could think about what a garage does, and what could come to mind is that they do a few things. There purpose is to fix cars and to make sure that they are safe enough to be on the road. So, while certain garages may do things that others don’t, they are all going to have one thing in common. There are, of course, plenty of other things that could be mentioned that primarily exist to serve one purpose. The Same What one could also think about is how the mainstream media only has one purpose; to inform the public about what is going on in the world. This will be what they have done for many, many years. As a result of this, it will be essential for one to look to this source of information if they want to know about what is going on around them. This source will serve as a bridge that connects them with what is taking place. Cut-Off With this is mind, one would have absolutely no idea about what is going on around them if it wasn’t for this source. The information that they need wouldn’t be available to them, and one would be walking around in ignorance. Fortunately, one doesn’t have to experience life in this way, and this shows how important the mainstream media is. If anything, one should be extremely grateful that this source exists. A Number of Options In the past, one would have had to read a paper, listen to the radio or to watch TV, but this is not longer necessary. The only thing that one needs is a device and this will allow them to go online. Here, one will be able to read articles and to watch videos, and this means that they won’t need to miss out on anything. It is up to them to decide how much they want to know about what is going on around them. A Better Position Due to this, it is not going to be difficult for one to know far more about the world than their ancestors ever did. But if one only spent a few minutes each day doing this, they can still have a relatively good understanding of the world. However, while this is the outlook that some people will have, there are going to be others who have a different one. They could believe that the mainstream media doesn’t actually exist to inform people. Conflict If someone who has this outlook was to say this to someone who doesn’t, it doesn’t mean that they would agree with them. The other person could say that the mainstream media doesn’t exist to deceive others. And that if this was the case, the organisations that are out to deceive others would be fined and/or shut down, for instance. Or at the very least, these sources would be shamed for their behaviour and forced to change. The Evidence Is There When one is aware of the fact that the mainstream media has a different purpose, it is likely to mean that they will look towards the alternative media. This doesn’t mean that they will accept everything that source comes out with, though. What this will do is open them up to more information, and this will make it easier for them to spot when the mainstream media is not telling the truth. That is if they even pay attention to this source. Fake News At the same time, it could be argued that the mainstream media exists to inform people and this is because they have been talking about ‘fake news’. But while this can be seen as a sign that they are the real deal, it could be said that this shows that they are projecting their issues onto the alternative media. There are, of course, alternative media sites that are out to deceive people, this can’t be denied. But for the mainstream media to say that the alternative media is out to deceive others is height of hypocrisy. Caught In the Act On numerous occasions, the mainstream media has been caught making their own news. For example, actors and/or people who are paid to play a role have been filmed and this scene is then shared with the world; which has allowed them to influence how people see the world. The mainstream media is then no different to an individual who doesn’t want to face what is taking place within them; they end up attaching it to other people. When it comes to the MSM, this is likely to be something that they are completely aware; whereas when an individual does this, they might not even realise it. Conclusion What this illustrates is that it is vital for someone to realise that even though something can appear to serve a certain purpose, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. When someone is able to take a step back and to see that the mainstream media primarily exists to control their mind, it will give them the chance to protect themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Men and woman look different, but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t got anything in common. First and foremost, they are human beings; thus, despite their differences, they have a lot in common.
A Closer Look Due to how they look, it could be said that men are an expression of the masculine and women are an expression of the feminine. Yet, while this can appear to be the case, it is not this black and white. So, regardless of whether someone is a man or a woman, it doesn’t mean that they will always act in a certain way. There are going to be moments when both of them will takes on attributes that are associated with the opposite sex. A Bit of Both What this comes down to is that both men and women have the masculine and the feminine within them. Therefore, a man could behave in a certain way and be seen as going against their true nature, and the same could be said if a woman was to behave in a certain way. However, what it can show is that the man/woman is just expressing the other side of their nature. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that every man and woman on the planet have half of one aspect and half of the other. A Grey Area There are going to be men who are more masculine than feminine and vice versa, and women who are the same. And there can even be men and woman who are only in touch with one side of their nature. As a result of this, they are going to be completely out of balance, and this is likely to have an effect on every area of their life. If a man was only in touch with his masculine side, there are likely to be people who will criticise his behaviour, and the same could be said if he was only in touch with his feminine side. Part of Life And if a woman was only in touch with her feminine side, there are likely to be people who will criticise her. But if she was only in touch with her masculine side, it is unlikely to be any different. Even if a man or a woman was fairly balanced, it doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be criticised by others. At the end of the day, there are always going to be people who have something to say. In Theory Still, one way of looking at all this would be to say that men are likely to have a stronger masculine than feminine side, and women are more likely to have a stronger feminine than masculine side. This comes down to evolution, and how it has been necessary for men and women to behave in certain ways for so long. But even though a man can have a stronger masculine side, it doesn’t mean that this will have an effect on how he behaves. The reason for this is that he can end up rejecting this side of his nature. The Outcome If this takes place, he can and up coming across as passive, and he might be used to being walked over by others. This is someone who is not going to be a leader; they are going to be a follower. It is then going to be difficult for him to fulfil his needs, and he could have the tendency to feel depressed. Other people might not respect him, and he might find it hard to respect himself. Another Experience And even though a woman can have a stronger feminine side, it doesn’t mean that this will have an effect on how she behaves. This comes down to the fact that she can end up rejecting this part of her nature. Consequently, this can give her the need to always be in control, which is going to make it hard for her to relax. Her need to look strong can take over and this can stop her from being able to express how she feels. The Harder Emotions If she does show how she feels, it could be because she is angry about something that has happened to her. Through being this way, it can mean that she will find it hard to experience intimacy. But if she does end up in a relationship with a man, she is likely to find that the man is extremely submissive. On one level, this might please her, but at a deeper level, it could repel her. Protection The strongest part of her will have had the desire to be with a man who wouldn’t challenge her and even though she has what she wanted; it will be as if she has been let down. Whereas the weakest part of her may have the need to be with a man who will stand his ground. What this can show is that she doesn’t feel as though it is safe for her to be vulnerable, and this is why she is out of balance. And as she has rejected her feminine side, it can cause her to be critical of the women who have embraced theirs. A Mirror As far as she is concerned, these women could be seen as being weak, and this can mean that she will see herself as being superior to these women. If she was able to take a step back, she may find that these women remind her of what she has rejected within herself. Deep down she will have the desire to embrace this side, but that will be as far as it will go; that is unless she is able to look into what is taking place within her and to change it. If she is able to look in what is taking place, she may find that what happened when she was younger is still defining her life. A Deeper Look This may have been a time when she was abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused her to believe that it wasn’t safe for her to be vulnerable, amongst other things. Perhaps her father was the one who abused her, or it might have been her mother. There is also the chance that both of them played a part, and there may have been other people around at the time who were just as abusive. Ultimately, this was a time when she didn’t receive what she needed to receive in order to develop in the right way. Awareness If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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