Relationships: Does Someone Need To Warn Others If They Have Been With Someone Who Is Abusive?4/11/2016
When someone’s relationship comes to an end, they can have to the need to carry on with their life. There is then going to be no reason for them to spend time talking about the person they were with.
The Reason If this is because it ended badly, it will be normal for them to want to put the past behind them. And if they were to spend time talking about the other person, it would have a negative effect on their well-being. It will be far better for them to live in the present moment, and to have moments when they think about what they would like to achieve in the future. Also, if they are looking to start a new relationship, this will make it easier for them to so. Caught Up As if one’s mind is focused on what happened with their ex, it can make it harder for them to attract someone else. For example, if one is holding onto something, it will stop them from being able to pick something else up. In the same way, if one is energetically attached to someone else, it can stop them from being able open the door to someone new. Or, if they were to attract someone, they could find that they are not available. A Reflection If they were in touch with what is taking place within them, this could be something that doesn’t surprise them. On one hand, it could be frustrating, but on the other, it could make them laugh. However, when one is not aware of how their outer world is mirroring their inner world, it could set them up to see themselves as a victim. The other person could then be seen as being the one who needs to change. Another Experience Their lack of self-awareness can then cause them to suffer unnecessarily, and it could take a while for their life to change. Yet, even if their relationship didn’t end badly, it still doesn’t mean that they will want to talk about it. As far as they are concerned, it’s over, and now it is important for them to move on with their life. So regardless of why it ended, one is not going to want to wallow in the past, and this could be the best thing for them to do. Avoidance That is if one is truly able to move on, as opposed to this being a way for them to avoid what is taking place within them. When one does this to avoid how they feel, it is likely to be only a matter of time before what is taking place within them starts to affect their life. In is then going to be in their best interest to get in touch with their body and to face their feelings. This is unlikely to be too pleasant in the short-term, but it will enable them to actually move on. Speaking Out Alternatively, one could end up talking about their ex, and this could be a time when they will give a balanced assessment of them. It is then not that they were all bad, but they were not completely good either. And as no one on this planet is perfect, it might not be hard for other people to relate to what they are saying. What this could show is that one still loves them, but they are no longer in love with them. Appreciation Their need to talk about their ex can then be seen as a sign that part of them would still like to be with them. Nevertheless, this part of them will be overshadowed by the other parts that don’t. If one only has good things to say about their ex, this can show that they were not the ones who ended it. At the same time, this could also be a way of their mind to block out what really took place. Reality They may have been with someone who was far from healthy, and through idealising them, it can stop them from having to feel abandoned. Being with someone like this is not going to be good for them, but it will generally allow them to avoid how they feel. This is not to say that this is what will always take place when one was in an abusive relationship; as they could be more than happy to talk about what they were like. In fact, one might feel the need to warn other people about them. Looking Out For Others Through letting other people know about what they are like, one could believe that it will stop them from having to go through the same experience. It is then similar to one being taken advantage of by a car dealership, and then telling other people about it. Not only could this save people a lot of money; it could also stop them from buying a dodgy car. Ergo, by one warming other men/women about someone, they will stop them from being the next victim, so to speak. A Deeper Look On one level, this can sound like a good idea, but on another level, it can be based on the belief that people have no control over the kind of people they attract. This is then a random process and it is vital for people to be informed about who is healthy and who isn’t. If one was nothing more than an observer of their life, this would be the truth; yet, one is also playing a part in what takes place. This doesn’t mean that some people consciously look for people who will abuse them, as it is not this black and white. The Familiar When it comes to who one is attracted to (and who they attract), it typically relates to what feels comfortable. At an intellectual level, they could have the desire to be with someone who will treat them well, but at a deeper level, they could have the need to be with someone who is the complete opposite. And the kind of person they desire at a deeper level can be someone who reminds them of their caregivers. It won’t matter if one was abused by these people; what matters is that this is what is familiar, and this will be classed as what is safe. For Example Or, if their caregivers were not abusive, it could relate to another person who was round during this time. Thus, if one feels comfortable with someone who is abuse, it might not matter what advice people give them. It would be the same as telling an alcoholic to make sure they don’t drink a new brand of alcohol, as it said to have a negative effect on people’s kidneys. Even if they were to listen to what is being said, it is unlikely to stop them from drinking it. Awareness One may also find that at the start of their last relationship, they were also warned about the other person, and this might not have had an effect on them either. Ultimately, one can’t stop other people from being attracted to someone, they can only stop themselves. In order for them to make sure they don’t end up with someone who is abusive, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. And even if they were to come into contact with someone who is, it might give them the ability to walk way before it goes any further.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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While there are going to be managers out there who employ the people who are the best candidates; there are going to be others who have a different approach. As a result of this, there is a strong chance that they will be employing people for the wrong reasons.
An Analogy Let’s say that one needed to hire a car in order to pick someone up from the airport, it might not matter what kind of car they go for. The main thing is that it works and that it has enough room for the other person’s luggage. However, if one needed to go off-road, for instance, it is going to be vital for them to go for a car that can do so. Even so, one could end up going for a sports car, and this is going to set them up to experience unnecessary problems. The Right Option It might only be a matter of time before their car gets stuck, and their journey will soon be over. But the only person who is responsible for what takes place will be themselves; as they knew what they were going to be doing. And when it comes to employing someone, there can be times when it is more important than others for them to choose the right person. What this can come down to is the role that they are looking for fill. Different Requirements If one was looking for someone who is able to drive a large vehicle, it will be essential for them to have the right licence. Now, this is not to say that they can’t gain this qualification if they haven’t got it, but this might take too long. They might need someone straight away, and this is then going to be something that is not an option. Yet if one is looking for someone to work in a shop that sells clothes or food, they might be willing to compromise. Their Impression This can all depend on how the other person comes across and the effect their behaviour has on them. One could sense that they will do a good job, and it then won’t matter that they lack the right experience. Employing someone do does might be better in the short-term, as they won’t need to put a lot of effort into showing them how to do everything. Nevertheless, due to the type of job it is, it is unlikely to take the other person a long time to pick up the basics. Sport When it comes to a professional sports team, it is not going to be possible for them to lower their standards, and this is because the stakes are too high. If a football team is looking to strengthen their squad, they will need to get the best players they can. If someone has potential, they could still go for them, but this won’t be the same as going for someone who has never played before, for instance. To have someone like this in their squad could cause a lot of problems. A Number of Different Consequences There is always the chance that they could get away with not playing them, if they have enough players to choose from. The problems would arise if they were to have a lot of injuries, or if other players were exhausted after playing in a number of different competitions. In addition to this, their place could be taken up by someone who could actually bring something different to the team. And not only could this effect the team performance, it could also cause the manager to get the sack. Too Much To Lose So when it comes to the kinds of environments where a lot is at stake, one is not going to be able to make these kinds of decisions. If they do, it might not be long until their life radically changes. It might then be normal to assume that the people who hold these positions are only too aware of this. There are going to be people in this position who do realise this, and then there are going to be others who don’t. In Charge When this takes place, it can be due to one being in a position where they can get away with it. This could be a sign that not only are they the manger, but they also own the business. There is then no one for them to answer to, and this allows them to get away with behaviour that is harming their business. Or if they are the manager of somewhere like a coffee shop or a cafe, it will be a lot easier to deal with. Another Priority What is clear is that when one has the tendency to employ people who are not up to the job, they are not putting the business first. Instead, their own needs are taking precedence, and this shows that something isn’t right. The people who they do employ might not be as capable as they are, or they might be submissive. It could then be said that one is not very comfortable with themselves, and this stops them from being able to employ the right people. Control Through having these kinds of people around them, it is going to mean that they won’t be challenged in any way. Their sense of superiority will remain and they won’t need to lose the influence that they have. If this was to change, they could end up feeling extremely uncomfortable, and it might stop them form being able to function. The pain within them is being kept at bay through controlling the people around them Awareness To experience life in this way might be what feels comfortable, but it is not going to allow them to grow. Their company or the one they work for is also likely to pay the price for their inability to employ the right people. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist.
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If someone pays attention to the mainstream media, they are likely to have heard a lot about both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. And while this could be due to the living in America, this might not be the case.
What this shows is how much attention the presidential debate in America is receiving. It has been said that the reason what is going on there is important is because the result of the election will have a big effect on the rest of the world. Interconnected One way of looking at this would be to say that this comes down to how much influence America has. It is also as if people look to America for guidance when it comes to how things should be done and what is acceptable, amongst other things. In addition to this, the internet has allowed information to be shared at a rate that has never been seen before. Therefore, although someone can be in a different country, it can be as if they are experiencing something first hand. Indifferent But although these two people have had a lot written about them for quiet some time now, it doesn’t mean that they are allowing themselves to get drawn in. Instead, one could have no interest in what is taking place. They could believe that nothing ever changes and/or that they are all the same and so there is going to be no reason of them to get involved. Their focus is then going be on what it is usually on and their life will continue to play out. Caught Up On the other hand, one could be in a position where they have taken an active interest in what is taking place. Perhaps they have been drawn in as the election comes to a close, or they might have been like this from the start. It can then be important for them to stay up to date with what is being said about each candidate. One could look to a number of different sources, or they could simply follow one source. A Balanced Perspective However, as the media exists to inform people about what is taking place in the world, it is not going to matter what approach they take. It is then similar to one person going to one supermarket and another person going to another; they are both going to find the same things. And as this is not about voting for a musician to win a talent contest, for instance, it is going to be vital for people to get the right information. Fortunately, the mainstream media can do this via a number of different ways in today’s world. One Option After paying attention to what this source covers, it can be normal for someone to end up supporting Hillary Clinton. This can come down to what she stands for, and it can be the result of what Donald Trump has said and done. It can seem as though she knows what she is doing and that he is someone who would cause a lot of problems if he got into power. One might also believe that women are less violent and so having a female president would be the best option. Black and White If one was to come to the conclusion that Hilary is good and Donald is bad, it could be said that it is not going to be a big surprise. As If this is what the media has told them, and they are simply there to inform them, what else would they think? Through the media telling them about what trump has said, one could see him as being racist, sexist and corrupt, amongst others things. And as this is the case, the people who support him can also be seen in the same way. Idiots One can then come to believe that they are superior to the people who are going to vote for Trump. But if he is such a deplorable human being and Hillary isn’t, why wouldn’t they have this outlook? The people who vote for Hillary are then the only ones who are intelligent enough to vote and the ones who vote for trump shouldn’t be able to. The question is: is it really this black and white? A Different Purpose The mainstream media is meant to exist to inform people, but it would be naive to believe that this is actually the truth. It has been said that politicians often work for corporations, and the same has also been said when it comes to the publications who are supposed to inform people. Thus, it might be more accurate to say that the mainstream media has no interest in giving people a balanced perspective on each candidate; they only want to make sure that a certain candidate gets in. And in order to do this, they need to present one person as being good and another as being bad, and the information they present is also going to need to be biased. Nationalism Vs Globalism It has been said that Hillary is there to represent the people who want to control the world; whereas Trump is there to represent the people of America. The former wants to have open borders, and the latter wants to build a wall. In this sense, one of them reflects one side of the spectrum and the other reflects the other side. But even if there is a difference in who they represent, it is highly unlikely that the mainstream media would reveal this. Trump Supporters By saying that the people who support Trump are idiots, it can set them up to be dehumanized. As a result of this, there is no reason to listen to what they have to say. Their worries and concerns are then put to one side, and this can then be seen as another way to silence people. Along with this, it would be incredibly ignorant to say that all trump supporters are the same. Conclusion This would be the same as saying that everyone who supports a certain team is the same; clearly, this is not the case. There are going to be people who support him who wouldn’t want to be in the same room, let alone the same country as some of other people who do. For some people, Trump will be seen as someone who brings the kind of energy that is needed at this time to shake things up. It is then not that he would be the perfect president; it is that he would be the perfect person to destroy the rotten system.
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While someone can be in a position where they always find people to criticise, this might only take place from time to time. When it comes to what they can relate to, it could all depend on what mood they are in.
As a result of this, the people around them might prefer to keep their distance if they are not in the right mood. At the same time, a number of the people in their life could be just as critical as they are. Birds of a Feather Flock Together Yet, if they these people have the tendency to respond to life in the same way, it is not going to be much of a surprise. What one person says is then generally going to validate what the rest of them say. Still, even though they will have each other’s support, this support is not going to allow them to grow. This is something that would take place if they were to spend time with people who question them. The Same Direction However, if one doesn’t want to change, there is going to be no reason for them to spend time with these kinds of people. The people in their life will give them the feedback that they desire, and one will return the favour. And as far as they are concerned, they might believe that there is nothing wrong with being critical. In their eyes, the alternative could be for them to simply accept what they see, and this is unlikely to be something that they are willing to do. Growth and Development Now, it is clear that people can only change something if they realise that it needs to be changed. Therefore, if one is not aware of something, it is not going to be possible for them to do anything about it. Even so, there is more than one way for someone to realise that something isn’t right, and putting them down is rarely the best approach to take. As even though this could encourage someone to change, it could also end up having the opposite effect. Conflict It could then be normal for them to annoy and upset others, and they could have a number of enemies. But even if someone doesn’t react negatively to what they say, it doesn’t mean that this is because they agree with what has been said. What it could show is that they prefer to keep their views to themselves, and so when they are not around them, they might not have anything good to say about them. If this is case, it is not going to be any different to what they may say about them in their own mind. Destruction If one has people around them, it might not bother them how people respond to what they say. What could also make a difference here is if one is in a position if power, as this could allow them to get away with things that other people can’t. It is then not that they are critical of others, it is that they know what they are talking about, and this gives them the right to be this way. But this doesn’t mean that they won’t end up pushing a lot of people away, or that they always know best. Two Parts When one criticises someone, they can believe that they are simply observing their behaviour, and this gives them the opportunity to bring attention to what is not right or what needs to change. At times, this can be exactly what is taking place, but this is not always going to be what is going on. There can be times when the reason one is criticising another is due to what it has triggered within them. Yet, when this happens, one is unlikely to be aware of what this is and this is why the other person’s behaviour is going to be seen as being the problem. A Release If one was to look at what is taking place within them and to deal with it, so to speak, they might no longer respond in the same way. What they used to criticise in another could then no longer have an effect on them. However, when this doesn’t take place, what is taking place within them won’t change and it will be necessary for them to continue to behave in the same way. Through doing this, it will allow them to feel better for a short time. A Number of Areas There is the chance that one will have a number of things that they will attack other people for, and there could be some things that have a big effect on them. Perhaps one could judge people who put their needs first, and this could be a sign that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. Another thing that could press their buttons is the people who receive attention in the public eye, and this could relate to the people in their own life. One could say that these people are nothing more than attention seekers. Attention It is then going to be irrelevant as to why these people are receiving attention, as they are all going to be viewed in the same light. And if someone they know goes go out of their way to receive attention from others, it can be normal for one to end up feeling irritated. Nevertheless, this is not going to be the same as when one gets irritated even though someone is not an attention seeking. This could mean that someone receives attention due to what they look like or it could relate to the kind of career they have, for instance. A Deeper Look If one was to take a step back and to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they are jealous of these people. The way they respond to them is then a result of these people receiving the kind of attention that they themselves desire to have. Criticising these people is then a way for them to avoid the pain that is within them, but this is unlikely to change their circumstances. These people could remind them of what took place during their early years; with this being a time when they were overlooked. Awareness And even though they have the desire to receive attention, it doesn’t mean that they will feel comfortable doing so. Their desire to have it could then be in conflict with their need to avoid it. Along with this, one might also be carrying unmet needs from their early years, and these might need to be grieved. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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If one wants to take it easy, they could decide to go and see a film or to watch one at home. This could also be something that they will do if they have some free time, with this being seen as a good way to spend it.
Education Alternatively, they might have the desire to find out about something that took place in the past. Perhaps they are studying history and need to find out about what occurred during a certain period of time. It can be a lot easier to watch a film than to do endless research, and it can be far more fulfilling. Still, one will only be able to take this route if a film has been made that covers what they are looking for. The Downside Yet, even if they do find a film that covers what they are studying, it doesn’t mean that it will make their life easier. For one thing, the film might not reflect what actually took place, and this can mean that it is primary purpose is to entertain people. Therefore, if one was to reference what they see in a film, it is likely to have a negative effect on them. One might even have to do it all over again, and this is going to mean that this approach won’t save them time after all. Well-known This is something that a lot of people are going to realise, and so they are not going to expect to receive a history lesson when they watch a film about the past. They could be more than happy to swatch off and to enjoy the film. As if one is watching a comedy, for instance, it is going to be clear as to why they are watching it. And when it comes to relaxing after a long day, there is no denying how beneficial films can be. A New Reality No matter what is going on in their life, they can end up being transported to another world. Their body is then going to be in one place, but there mind can end up being somewhere completely different. One can get an idea of what it would like to experience life differently without actually having to change their life. This can then enable one to see life through other people’s eyes and there is going to be no reason for them to put their life at risk or to leave their home. Escapism When this happens from time to time, it could be said that it is unlikely to have a negative effect on their life. There are plenty of other things that one could do to relax that would end up doing more harm than good. However, this wouldn’t be the case if one spent most of their life watching films; this would cause them to neglect important areas of their life. It would then be vital for them to take a step back and to look at what they are trying to avoid. A Balanced Diet For example, if one liked eating chocolate, they are unlikely to eat it all the time. There is a strong chance that they would only have it now at then; with this being the sensible thing to do. In the same way, when one watches films when they have time as opposed to whenever they feel like it, they will just be another part of their life. The rest of their life is not going to end up being compromised. Propaganda And although one could believe that films are made purely for entertainment purposes, they might have a different outlook. They could believe that some films are specifically made to influence how people perceive life. When it comes to backing this up, they could talk about the films that have been made on the different wars. This could be seen as a way to present one country as being better than another and to cover up why they were started, for instance. It’s clear If one was to mention this to the average person, they might go along with what they are saying. One reason for this is that it could go against what they were taught at school, or perhaps it’s due to them not believing what they were told at school. Nevertheless, when it comes to films that are not about history, one could generally believe that they are just being entertained. And if one was to watch a comedy or a comic book film, it could be said that this is to be expected. Hidden As a result of this, it can be far easier to use these kinds of films to condition people. Their guard can end up being down and what they are exposed can end up going straight into their mind and influencing how they see life. These films are not going to be used influence how people see history, but they can be used to define how they see their government, or the way in which they view the opposite sex. What they come to believe is acceptable can also be shaped by what they watch, amongst other things. Part of Them After being conditioned through the films that they watch, they can end up believing things without taking the time to do their own research. But as so many people are going to be influenced in the same way, they are generally going to be surrounded by people who are the same. It is then not going to matter if they are watching the news or watching a film, as it can have the same effect to them. Or, one could believe that the people behind the scenes can’t influence them as they don’t watch the news, but this is not going to matter. Conclusion What this comes down to is that while films are made to make money, this is not the only reason they are created. And due to the amount of people who watch them, they have incredible power to shape people’s minds. This is not to say that one should no longer watch them; what it highlights is that there is often more to films than meets the eye. Having this understanding can make it easier for one to protect their mind.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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