If one had a garden in front of their house that they wanted to protect, it might be a good idea for them to put a fence up. This is not to say that the fence would need to go all the way along, as it would be important for them to have a gate put it too.
Through having a gate put in, it will not only allow them to get in and out; it will also allow other people to get in and out. The alternative would be for one to only have a fence put up, and this would give them a greater level of protection. Point of Focus One could be in a position where the only thing they can think about is protecting their garden, and this could then stop them from thinking about having a gate put in. Based on what other people have been doing to their land, it might not be possible for them to think clearly. And even if someone else was to talk about how important is it for them to have a gate put in, it doesn’t mean that they would listen. They could ignore or dismiss what is said and their mind could cause them to focus on what they need to do to make sure nothing bad happens again. Just a Fence If one was to have a fence put in all the way around, they may believe that they have done the right thing. For one thing, it won’t be possible for anyone to intrude on their land, and this will stop them from having to suffer like they did before. This could be an experience that lasts for a number of hours; it might even go on for a number of days. However, there is likely to be a point in time when one starts to suffer in another way. Trapped What this will come down to is that even though one has protected their garden, they have also ended up cutting themselves of from others. It is now no longer possible for them to see other people let alone connect with them. So although they have got rid of one problem, they have end up creating another problem in the process. One can then carry on as they are, or they can have part of the fence removed so that they can connect with the world again. The Sensible Option If one was to keep things as they are, they will continue to suffer, and they may even end up losing their life. This is because they will be isolated from other people and they could soon run out of food. Therefore, the best thing they can do is to open up their garden again through having a gate put in. But even though this will be the sensible thing for them to do, it doesn’t mean that they will do it. An Example It could be said that it is highly unlikely that one would end up fencing themselves into their own house. For one thing, they would realise what would happen and so they wouldn’t allow this to take place. However, this doesn’t mean that one wouldn’t fence themselves off in other ways. One could be in a position where they keep other people at a distance, and they could do this without needing to have a fence around them. Protection Experiencing life in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable, and although other people may spend time with them, it will be a challenge for them to get close to them. Thus, even though one spends time with others, they may as well be by themselves. As a result of this, it might not matter how much they suffer, as it is not going to be possible for them to let anyone in. Other people could see them as being guarded, and they might wonder why they are this way. Out of Touch Having said that, they could generally be out of touch with their need to connect with others, and this will then mean that it won’t be a problem. During these moments, they will be comfortable with how their life is. But when they do have moments when they are aware of their need to connect with others, they could end up feeling angry and powerless. This could then be a sign that they are not aware of why they can’t connect with others and embrace life. Two Experiences If one experiences life in this way, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have no control over their life. And until they realise why they are experiencing life in this way, their outlook is unlikely to change. On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they only feel comfortable when they keep people at a distance they might not feel powerless. This is because they will realise that it’s not about other people; it’s about what is going on for them Opening Up When one is able to open up, their life is going to be far more fulfilling, and this is why it can be hard for someone to understand why they would build walls around themselves. However, in order for one to open up, they will need to feel as though it is safe for them to do so. And the reason they don’t feel safe enough to open up is likely to be because they are boundaryless. As they don’t feel as though they can protect themselves around others, they have no other choice than to keep other people at a distance. The Reason The reason one is boundaryless is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and one of their caregivers may have got too close to them. This would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and they would feel wide open at an energetic level. So although their behaviour is causing them to suffer as an adult; there was a time when it kept them alive. Awareness In order for one to develop boundaries, it will be important for them to have the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will be dealing with trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Stop Someone From Being Able To Express Their True-Self?28/2/2016
On one side, one can be in a position where they are able to express their true-self, and on the other side, they can be in a position where this isn’t the case. At the same time, one could also find that it is possible for them to do this from time to time.
But if this is the case, it is likely to mean that one can only express themselves around certain people and during certain situations, and this going to have a negative effect on their life. So whether one is unable to be themselves or they can only do this on the odd occasion, it is going to cause them to suffer. Part of Life There is the chance that one will have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, and this could then mean that they have to come to believe that there is nothing they can do. If this is the case, it will cause them to suffer; but that will be as far as it goes. However, one could also find that they are unwilling to experience life in this way for much longer and this may cause them to look for answers. It could then be said that they will be a taking a more proactive approach. Depressed Whereas when one doesn’t take this approach and continues to experience life in the same way, they will be tolerating what is taking place. As a result of this, they could end up seeing themselves as a victim. And while they may be used to feeling angry; they may also have moments when they feel depressed. This can be a reflection of the fact that one feels as though they have no control over what is happening in their life. A Symptom But even though one only feels depressed because they can’t express their true-self, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. This can mean that one will end up trying to treat a symptom as opposed to the cause. Through taking this approach, one could end up feeling better even though their life hasn’t changed. One way of looking at this would be to say that one has lost touch with the feedback that they need to change their life. Feedback The pain that they were experiencing was not bad per se; it was simply there to let them know that something wasn’t right. So through removing this pain, it will stop them from being aware of the fact that something isn’t right. This will then stop one from being able to change their life, but while it would be easy to say that they have wrong approach; they are simply a product of their environment. In today’s world, pain is often seen as something that needs to be removed, and not as something that needs to be understood. The False-Self And if one is living in a way that goes against who they are, it is to be expected that they will end up suffering in one way or another. In this sense, the pain they are experiencing can be seen as their ally as opposed to their enemy. When one is around others, they are likely to find that they generally behave how other people want them to behave, or how they think they want them to behave. Thus, their needs and feelings are going to end up being overlooked. Disconnected One will then be aware of what s taking place within them, but that will be as far as it goes. And when they are not longer around others, they could end up wondering why they were unable to be themselves. On the other hand, one could also be out of touch with what is taking place within them, and this could even be the case when they are by themselves. During this time, they could just feel angry and down. Another Consequence This could also mean that it is not possible for one to have a fulfilling career, and even if they are doing something that is fulfilling, they may find that they can only get so far. If they were able to express themselves, it would be a lot easier for them to move forward. Approval And if one was to think about why they behave as they do, they may find that they need other people’s approval. As a result, they may believe that their life would soon change if this was no longer the case. Based on this, if they were to reach out for support, they may look for a way to let go of this need. This could then be a time where they will change what they believe, and they could also begin to think differently. The Body However, while one’s life could change through placing their attention on their mind, this might not be enough. One could find that the reason they are unable to express their true-self is because they don’t feel safe. Therefore, it could be a sign that they need to focus on their body and not their mind. If they were to get in touch with their body, they may feel as though they are exposed, and it could then be said that they are boundaryless. Boundaries So as one doesn’t feel as though it is safe for them to be themselves, it is to be expected that they won’t be able to express their true-self. The energetic boundary that would have allowed them to feel safe doesn’t exist, and until they feel safe in their body, it might not matter what takes place in their mind. The Reason When one experiences life in this way, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. During their early years, one may have been abused/and or neglected, and they may have had a caregiver that got too close to them. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can come from a therapist and/or a support group. This is likely to be a time where one will be dealing with trauma, among other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Nowadays, it is no longer necessary for one to watch TV or to go to the theatre in order to be entertained; the only thing they need to do is to have some kind of device. This then gives them the chance to watch something no matter where they are.
So if one is in a position where they have a device and they are used to having plenty of things to choose from, they might find it hard to imagine how they would have survived in the past. Having said that, this is something that can depend on whether they were around before it was possible experience life in this way. Normal But even if they were around before, they may find that they have got used to experiencing life in this way, and it could then be hard for them to imagine what their life was like before. Therefore, one is likely to watch something on their device and not even think about how their life used to be. If they were to think about how their life used to be, it could be a sign that their device is being repaired, for instance. Or it could be because they are talking to one of their friends about how life used to be in the past. At First In the beginning, one may have found that they watched something from time to time, and then as time passed, it could have become an important part of their life. At the same time, it could still be something that only consumes their attention from time to time. After a hard day at a work, for example, it could be just what they need, and it could be said that watching something entertaining will be a good way for them to relax. And when they watch something, it will also give them something to talk about with others. Connection Thus, there is no need for one to watch something with someone else in order to have something to talk about. The reasons why this is the case is due to the fact that there is a strong chance that a number of the people they know will also spend a lot of their time being entertained in front of a screen. An even though there are so many options to choose from, there are certain programs that are more popular than others. Along with this, one may find the people they spend their time with watch the same things as they do The Reason It could be said that this is not going to be a something that just happened, and that it will come down to the fact that not only does one influence others; they are also influenced by them. And when it comes to what people watch in general, they will also be influenced by what is given the most exposure. For example, if a certain series, channel or film is promoted, it is generally going to be viewed by more people than if this wasn’t the case. This is not to say that if something isn’t promoted it won’t be known by a lot of people, as this could change as soon as people start to spread the word with the people they know and online. Part of Life And when one is in a position where they are entertained for time to time, it could be said that it is just another part of their life. If they were to spend more time watching TV or watching their device, it could be because it is the weekend or they are on holiday, for instance. Through having this approach, it will still be possible for them to find time to do other things when they are not working. One way of looking at this would be to say that it is not something that consumes their whole life. Alternatively On the other hand, one could also be in a position where they spend most of their life being entertained. It then won’t be necessary for them to be on holiday or for it to be the weekend, as they will spend most of their free time being entertained. As a result of this, they are likely to find that they don’t have much time to do anything else. One way of looking at this would be to say that their while life is being consumed by the entertainment that is being provided. Distracted It would be easy to focus on the person who is experiencing life in this way and to say that they are avoiding their own life, and this might well be the case. However, what this approach would overlook is the part the mainstream media is playing in all this. Through giving people plenty of entertainment it can stop them from thinking about what is actually taking place in the world. They will be distracted by the entertainment, and this means that won’t get in their way, so to speak. The Mainstream Media Now, if one believed that the mainstream media simply existed to inform people about the world, to make money and to entertain them, for instance, it would be hard to understand why they would want to distract people. Yet, if one believed that its primary purpose was to control people, it wouldn’t be hard for them to understand. The people behind the scenes, so to speak, have used entertainment to control people for many, many years. What makes today’s world different is that it is easier than ever before for people to be entertained, and this means that it is easier to distract them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to come across a magazine or a newspaper, for instance, they may be told that if they are a man, they will be attracted to a certain type of women and vice versa. For example, when it comes to women, it is likely to say that their hip to waist ratio is important, and for men, it could talk about the importance of height.
But while this is the kind of thing that one is likely to hear about in the mainstream media, it would be inaccurate to say that it reflects reality. Now, this is not to say that there won’t be instances where this is the case; what it comes down to is that life is rarely this black and white. The Real World If one was to take the time to reflect on people that they were attracted to in the past, they may find that they have a certain type. This could be a time where one comes to see how they go for people who have a certain appearance, or they might find that they are drawn to a certain type of personality. At the same time, both of these things could play a part in the kind of person they are drawn to. During this time, they could also wonder why they were attracted to these people, and this is likely to be a sign that they didn’t match up with the idea in their mind. Two Levels What this shows is that there can the kind of person who one says they are attracted to on one side, and the kind of person they are actually attracted to on the other side. As a result of this, they may find that they are drawn to people who are not a good match. Having said that, this could also mean that they end up with people who are a good match, and this means they are not going to be too concerned about what is taking place. Yet, if one is drawn to people who are not right for them, it is going to be normal for them to be concerned. Conflict One way of looking at this would be to say that their mind wants one thing and their body wants something else. Their body will be pulled to someone and it won’t matter what is taking place in their mind. And when this happens, they could end up getting completely caught up in what is taking place and lose touch with the part of them that wants to keep their distance. It could then be a little while before they are able to regain their senses, so to speak. Hidden Through experiencing life in this way, it would be normal for one to feel as though they have no control. Their attention could then be focused on the people they are attracted to, and how they are the problem. But even though one can feel as though they have no control, this is not the truth. What it is likely to come down to is that they have disconnected from the part of them that is drawn to the wrong type of people, and this then sets them up to be victimize themselves. A Number of Outcomes This can mean that one will be in a position where they are attracted to people who end up being abusive. Thus, the interactions they have with someone will start of as having a positive effect on their life and they will end up having the opposite effect. However, one could also be in a position where they are drawn to people who need to be rescued. In the beginning, they could feel as though they are happy to be there for them, and then as time passes, they could end up feeling used. Out of Balance In their mind, they could believe that if they take care of their needs, the other person will return the favour. But regardless of how much they give, they may find that this is something that rarely, if ever, takes place. Their relationship will end up being out of balance, and it is not going to be much for a surprise for them to feel angry about it. And even if they realise what someone else is like when they meet them, they could still feel compelled to be there for them. Needs If one was to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, there is a strong chance that they would come to see that they feel comfortable with their own needs, and this is why they try to get their needs met indirectly. This means that one would feel ashamed if they were to reveal their needs in a direct manner. And as they don’t feel comfortable with their needs, they are going to end up being attracted to people who are unable to fulfil their needs. These people are likely to be caught up in their own life and they could see them as though they are their parent. Disconnected Along with this, the reason why one is drawn to people who need to be rescued is because it reminds them of the part of themselves that needs to be rescued. But as they are disconnected from this part, it is not going to be possible for them to realise what is taking place. And so until they are able connect to the part of themselves that needs to be healed, they will continue to try to rescue others instead. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is trying to rescue themselves by rescuing others. A Deeper Look The reason why one is ashamed of their needs and disconnected from the part of themselves that needs to be healed is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. During these years, one’s needs would have been ignored and they may have taken care of caregivers needs instead. Awareness When one gets in touch with the part of themselves that they have disconnected from, it can be painful, but unlike the pain they will experience through trying to rescue others; it won’t last forever. The pain one experiences through rescuing others is going to be easier to handle, and this is one reason why they can continue to behave in this way. In order for one to put an end up this dynamic, it will be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Do Some Websites Condition People To Believe That All Men/Women Are The Same?25/2/2016
In today’s world, it is incredible easy for someone to learn about something, and this is largely due to the internet. The only thing they need in order to access all the information they could ever need is to have some kind of device.
Once they are online, one can go straight to a website or they can use a search engine. The approach one takes is likely to depend on whether they know where to find what they are looking for. Two Options If one knows what website can assist them with their question, there is going to be no need for them to use a search engine. Whereas if one is not aware of what site they can use, it will be normal for them to use a search engine. However, one could also end up reaching out to a friend and they could give one a certain website to use. And while they may ask them because they trust their judgement; it could also come down to the fact that they are well-informed. Men/Women This could be a time where one is looking for information about the opposite gender, and this can then mean that they are not simply looking to waste time. This could be something that is consuming their whole life, and the sooner their question is answered, the better their life will be. One may be in a position where they are in a relationship and they are trying to understand the other person. Or the person they work for could be could be causing them problems, among other things. A Website So if one was to find a website, they could find that their question is soon answered, and while this could be the end of it, they could end up looking for more information. This could be seen as a normal part of being curious, as once one question is answered another is going to appear. Having said that, one could find that even though the website does give them an answer, it might not be what they are looking for. As a result of this, they could carry on looking through the site or they could find another one. Normal But if one was to find that they don’t agree with everything they come across on a website, it could be said that this is normal. For one thing, what they are reading about would have been written by a human being, and they are not perfect. The only thing anyone can do is to share what they know, and this is going to be a reflection of the experiences they have had. Along with this, it will be influenced by how they have responded to these experiences and the information they have come across. Abnormal Based on this, if one was to believe everything they were to come across on a website it could be said that it would be abnormal. Therefore, it will be a good thing if they don’t agree with everything they read about. When one visits a number of different websites, they are likely to get a more balanced perspective. Yet at the same time, the websites they visit could end up having a similar outlook, and this can then cause them to have a closed mind. Two Sides On one side then, there is going to be the information that is provided, and on the other side, there is going to be how one responds. It could then be said that even if a website was to present information that portrayed men/women as being a certain way, it doesn’t mean that one has to accept it. Similarly, if one was offered food, it doesn’t mean that they have to eat it, and this is because it is down to them to decide if they will accept what is being offered. But if one is extremely hungry, for instance, they could end up taking what is being offered and it won’t matter what kind of food it is. Emotional One reason why one might accept something without questioning it is because they could be feeling emotional. So just like the person who eats whatever is being offered; they won’t take the time to reflect on whether what they are receiving is good for them. As a result of this, one can be in a position where they are looking for validation, and this means it won’t matter if what they are learning about matches up with reality. One can end up feeling as though they are better than the opposite gender, and this can then cause them to settle down. A Process However, this is not to say that one will come to believe that all men/women are the same straight away, as it is likely to take a while. What the website will gradually do is cause one to develop a new outlook of the opposite gender. Other people’s behaviour will then be filtered through the outlook that they have formed through internalising the information that they have read about online. Another way of saying this is that one will no longer be able to experience things for themselves; they will rely on someone else to tell them what something means. External Source of Power And once they have come to believe what is being spoken about online, they may find that they need to go back there on a regular basis. As if they don’t do this, they may start to experience withdrawal symptoms. The website can be seen as somewhere where one can find the truth, and they can feel empowered through using it. It is then going to be viewed in the same way as a child would view their caregivers or how someone might view a guru. Critical Thinking What this shows is how important it is for one to question what they read, and through doing this, it will make it easier for them to experience life with their own eyes as opposed to someone else’s. If ones reality wasn’t influenced by the information they consumed, it wouldn’t matter what they believed. But as this is not the case, it will be important for them to pay attention to what they allow into their mind. If one is having trouble with men/women, they may need to reach out for external support, and this could be from a therapist and/or a support group. Through having this kind of support, it will give them the chance to look in why they are experiencing life as they are. And this will be a time where one can look at what is happening objectively as opposed to developing an inaccurate outlook of the opposite gender.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one spends time with their close friends or family, they are likely to open up about different areas of their life. And the reason one is going to do this is because they trust these people.
If this wasn’t the case, then one wouldn’t be friends with them, and even though they were their family, they would only disclose certain things with them. This will show that one is taking the sensible approach. On The Other Hand However, one could also be in a position where they don’t trust their friends or family and yet they still open up to them. Through doing this, not only will they be setting themselves up for problems; there is the chance that they will have already been taken advantage of on numerous occasions. Therefore, although they have been harmed in one way or another in the past, they continue to behave in the same way. What this will show is that even though one is being harmed by others, they are the ones who are letting it happen. Discernment This emphasis how important it is for one to be discerning when it comes to who they share their life with. If they are selective, their relationships with others will be a lot more fulfilling, and they will stop themselves from suffering unnecessarily. But if they don’t, their relationships with others are not going to be very fulfilling, and they will end up suffering. One way of looking at this would be to say that one doesn’t think about how their behaviour is influencing their life, and even if they do, it is not having an effect. Attention There is also the chance that the reason why one doesn’t change their behaviour is because they need to receive a lot of attention. As a result of this, one is not going to be thinking about how is effecting their life. In fact, one could believe that receiving attention is more important than protecting themselves. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the pain they would experience through not receiving enough attention is going to be harder for them to handle than the pain they are likely to experience through sharing their life with anyone. Two Options When one has this outlook, it could be said that they believe they only have two options in life. And until they realise that there are other options available, they are going to continue to behave in the same way. One thing they could do is to look into why they need so much attention, and through doing this, they may be able to find a way to settle themselves down. During this time, they could find that they didn’t receive enough attention when they were younger, and it might then mean that they need to grieve their unmet childhood needs, for instance. Other Elements This is not to say that this is the only thing they will need to do, as they may also need to work on their boundaries. Along with this, one may also need to change how they feel about themselves. Once they do this, they might no longer feel the need to engage in self-destructive behaviour. And the times it takes for one to change their behaviour is likely to depend on a number of different factors. Today’s World However, while one can share their whole life with the wrong people in the real world, they can also do the same thing online through using social media. This is not only something that can take place sending a private message; it is also something that can happen through sharing a status. So as long as they have a device, they will be able to share their life with others, and this means it won’t matter where they are. And because it is easy for them to do this, they might not even think about what they are doing. Privacy Therefore, their experience can be just like it would be in the real world; with them being focused on doing everything they can to receive attention. Thus, they are not going to think about how they are exposing themselves online. This will mean that they will be revealing parts of themselves to people they don’t know very well, and this could also have a negative effect on their career. If their employer or a future employer was to see something they have shared, they could lose their job or it could stop them from getting one. The Other Side But it could be said that this is only one part of it; the other part of this is going to be how one is giving away important information to people who could harm them in others ways. On one side, the site they are sharing their information on could use it against them, and on the other side, they could sell the information to someone else. Yet even if this doesn’t take place, it doesn’t mean it won’t get passed on, and this is because their account could be hacked. Having said that, if one shares their whole life online, someone else might be able to obtain all the information they need by looking through their page, and this means that they won’t need to be their ‘friend’ or to hack their account. Conclusion What this shows is how important it is for one to protect their privacy no matter whether they are offline or online. And while it might be hard for one to cut down on what they share in the beginning, they will soon find that it gets easier. Through doing this, not only will one be protecting themselves; they will also be protecting their friends and family. When it comes to letting go of their need to receive so much attention, one can use the same approach that was mentioned earlier in the article, and they may also need to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one is in a position where they are not as slim as they would like to be, it is not going to be hard for them to find other people who are having the same experience. And this is because this is something that a lot of people struggle with.
The Media For one thing, the mainstream media often talks about certain celebrity’s who are unable to keep their weight down; with there being times when they have their ideal weight and times when they don’t. Along with this, they also focus on the ones who were slim and ended up gaining a lot of weight. And if they are not talking about celebrities, they can talk about how this is something that effects normal people. Not Alone Thus, one only needs to a read paper or a magazine, for instance, to see that they are not the only ones in this position. Having said that, they might not even need to go this far, and this is due to the fact that they may know a few people who have the same problem. When they are around these people, they could talk about how frustrating it is to carry more weight than they need to carry. In fact, they could feel as though they can relax when they are around these kinds of people. One Step Further There is also the chance that most of their friends are in the same position, and this can then show that it’s because they feel comfortable with them. One may find that they can be themselves around them, and that they don’t need to put on an act. And while they may give each other the support they need when it comes to losing weight, this might not the case. Instead, they could come to believe that there is nothing wrong with their weight. Two Sides Therefore, when one is around people who have the same problem as them it could end up having a positive effect on their life. The support that they receive from someone like this can make it easier for them to lose weight. However, if one comes to believe that there is nothing wrong with their weight, it could cause them to go against their true needs. But all the time they are around these people, it might not be possible for them to realise this. Health Along with this, it could also set one up to have health problems; however, this is something that can all depend on how much excess weight they are carrying. For example, there is naturally going to be a difference between carrying a few extra pounds and a hundred pounds. The General Approach But if one wanted to lose weight, there is a strong chance that they would end up going on some kind of diet. And this could be something that has taken place on a number of occasions. If one spends most of their life on a diet, they may have a certain diet that they go on, or they might have been on a number of different ones. Through doing this, they may find that even though they lose weight when they are on the diet; they soon gain it when they come off. Round in Circles There can then be moments in their life when they have their ideal weight and moments when they don’t. As a result of this, they could wonder if it is really worth all the effort, and during these moments, they could feel hopeless. This could then mean that they end up eating more than they need to (or the wrong kinds of food) and gain a few more pounds in the process. One can then feel even worse and this can then cause them to eat again, and this whole process can continue to play out. Acceptance But if one was in a position where they were overweight and this was something that caused part of them to feel uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. They could find that another part of them feels comfortable this way. And this part could be a lot stronger than the part of them that wants them to lose weight. This is not to say that one is going to be aware of these two parts, but it is something that will control their life nevertheless. Protection There are a number of reasons why one would be in a position where they are unable to keep their weight down and/or feel comfortable being overweight, and one of the reasons why they would be this way is because it is a way for them to protect themselves. So when this weight is not on their body, they will end up feeling exposed. Thus, it is wont matter how it makes them look or the effect it has on their self-esteem and health, as their own survival is going to take precedence. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is boundaryless, and their body is using what it can to protect them from harm. Boundaries When one hasn’t developed boundaries, it is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. This may have been a time when someone got too close to them, and they may also have been abused and/or neglected. As their boundaries were not respected, it would have stopped them from being able to develop them. At an energetic level, they will be wide open, and while carrying excess weight is going to have a negative effect on their life; it can be seen as the only way for them to protect themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This is likely to be a time where one will be dealing with trauma, among other things.
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If one was to share something online, the responses that they receive could be different to the responses they would get if they shared something offline. This is one reason why people share things online that they wouldn’t share in the real world.
Protected For one thing, when one shares something on social media, they are going to be behind a screen, and this is going to give them a sense of protection. Whereas when they are around people in the real world, they are not going to have this. As a result, they can feel more exposed and this can then stop them from talking about certain things. This is not to say that they will be this way with everyone they know though, as there could be a number of people in their life who they open up to. Alternatively On the other hand, one could be in a position where they only open up when they are behind a screen. And while this could be a sign that they haven’t got any friends, this might not be the case. What it can come down to is that they don’t feel comfortable sharing their life with real people. Thus, one could believe that the only option they have is to share their life online. Isolation It could then be normal for them to feel isolated in life, and social media is going to be something that will have a positive effect on their life. Whenever they share something online, there is the chance that they will receive some kind of feedback. And although they may want other people to comment or to ‘like’ what they share, they could also get a sense of relief through sharing something. They have been able to express themselves and this can give them a boost. Better Than Nothing Now, it is clear to see that this is better than one being in a position where they hold everything in, but at the same time, it doesn’t mean that it is going to be enough. What this partly comes down to is that human beings are social animals. This is why it is often said that while social media can play a part in ones social life; it is not something that can replace it. Just as one wouldn’t expect to live on supplements; they would still eat real food. Two Levels So when it comes to what one can share online, there are things that they can share that are not going to be very personal, and then there are things that are. For instance, if one was to share a music video, they are unlikely to feel vulnerable. Along with this, they could also share this video with their friends in real life, and this will show that they are not doing anything they wouldn’t usually do. However, if they were to talk about how they were feeling, this might not be the case. A Different Experience When this takes place, one can be doing something that they wouldn’t usually do, and it could then be said that they are sharing something personal. But even though one is being ‘vulnerable’ online, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. One on side, one can believe that they are only sharing something online and so it is nothing for them to worry about. And on the other side, there are likely to be plenty of other people who do the same thing, and this can cause them to believe that it is normal. Normal One way of looking at this would be to say that while doing something in the real world might be seen as inappropriate; this is not always going to be the case when it comes to the online world. When it comes to the example above, for instance, it wouldn’t be right for one to express how they feel to everyone they know in the real world. This is partly because it is not going to be possible for everyone they know to display empathy and compassion, and this is why it would be dangerous for them to share their whole life with them. But even if it didn’t put their life at risk, it could still cause them to experience verbal and emotional abuse. Exposed And even though sharing everything online can be seen as normal, it doesn’t mean that it is the sensible thing to do. The kind of people who one wouldn’t share something with in the real world can still be found online. Also, once something has been shared online, there is the chance that it will be there forever. Therefore, the information one shares online can set them up to be taken advantage of in more ways than one. Attention Seeking Another thing that is often seen as normal online is when one displays attention seeking behaviour. If one behaved in this way in the real world, there is the chance that they would experience a strong reaction from others. However, when this takes place online, it can cause someone to receive more ‘likes’ and comments, and what this shows is that their behaviour is being validated. And if another person questioned their behaviour, one could say that they are simply ‘expressing themselves’, for instance. Constant Sharing This can involve someone sharing things that have nothing to with them, or it can take place through them sharing pictures of themselves. They may constantly change their profile picture, for instance. Also, one could end up sharing images where they are not wearing a lot, among other things. This kind of behaviour could cause a number of their ‘friends’ to talk about their behaviour, and they may even unfriend them. Conclusion When one’s attention seeking behaviour is supported by others and they have plenty of ‘friends’ who behave in the same way, there will be no reason for them to change. This might soon change if a number of people spoke up, or if people in the real world talked to them about their behaviour. If one can relate to this and they want to change, they could look into why they need so much attention. This could be a sign that they need to change how they feel about themselves, and this may mean that they need to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are people who are able to see that not all men/women are the same, there are also people who are unable to do so. In their eyes, every member of the opposite gender is going to be the same.
The First Side If someone was to ask a person in the first group to prove to them that not all men/women are the same, they could tell them about the experiences they have had. Along with this, they could also ask them what they think about the outlook that the people have in the second group. During this time, they could say that they find it hard to believe how anyone could actually believe that all men/women are the same. One thing they might say is that perhaps they have a sheltered life. The Second Side On the other hand, if they were to ask someone who belongs to the second group to do the same thing, they could also talk about the experiences they have had. And once again, they could be asked what they think of the outlook that the people have in the first group. If they were to listen to what is being said, they might also wonder how they could have a different outlook. Yet they might also end up dismissing what they hear, and it is then not going to be possible for them to think about what has been said. Evidence One way of looking at this would be to say that even though some people are willing to question what they believe, there are others who are not. As a result, it won’t matter what evidence is provided, as they won’t be able to accept it. It could then be said that they want to hold onto the outlook they have, and this is why they are unable to see life differently. Therefore, there is going to be no point in someone trying to explain to them that their outlook doesn’t reflect reality, as they will be wasting their time. The Truth The outlook they have will be seen as the truth, and it is then going to be normal for them to look for evidence that proves their right. However, this is not to say that they will realise what is taking place. When it comes to the experiences that they have, they will see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of their life. It is then not that they are looking for people who support their outlook; it is that every man/woman is the same. External Support When someone has this outlook, there is a strong chance that they will surround themselves with people who have the same view. Through being around these people, it will give them the validation that they need. But even if they don’t know anyone who has the same outlook, it doesn’t mean that they will be completely isolated. The only thing they need to do is to go online and they will find the people who will validate their reality. The Internet This doesn’t mean that one will end up playing a passive role though, as they could create a blog or even make videos. The support one needs will then end up coming their way, and if they receive any feedback that goes against their outlook, they could simply ignore it. In fact, when a member of the opposite sex speaks out about how men/women are not the same, this could give them even more validation. The reason for this is that one could see this is a sign that they are getting defensive and are trying to overlook their behaviour. Stepping Back If one was able to step back from themselves and to observe what was taking place within them, it would give them the chance to see what part they are playing in all this. This is because they would see that their experiences are a reflection of what is taking place within them. What this comes down to is that one doesn’t see with their eyes; they see with their mind. As a result, one sees what they want to see and overlooks what they don’t want to see. A Common Outlook One of the reasons why one can see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of their reality is because this is something that is widely accepted in today’s world. If this wasn’t the case, it would be normal for people to realise that they are playing an active role in their experience. Thus, it is often the exception for one to be in a position where they are aware of what is taking place within them. And it is then going to be a mystery as to how their inner world impacts their outer world. A Deeper Look When one believes that all men/women are the same, there may have been a time in their life when they were taken advantage of by man or a woman. This would then have defined their outlook and until they look into what took place, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently. The only thing that will happen is that their mind will continue to filter out anything that goes against what they believe. This is why self-awareness is important, as it will allow one to take responsibility for what is taking place within them, and this will then give them the chance to experience life differently. Awareness If one is in a position where they believe that all men/women are the same and they no longer want to experience life in the same way, they may need to reach out for external support. While this could be a time where they will be questioning what they believe; it could also be a time where they will be dealing with trauma. And through bringing their attention to what is taking place within them, they will gradually begin to develop self-awareness.
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If one was to drive somewhere that wasn’t too far away, they wouldn’t need to have a lot of fuel in their car. However, if they wanted to go somewhere that was over an hour away, for instance, this wouldn’t be the case.
But as long as they took the time to get the fuel they needed, this wouldn’t be a problem. Having said that, if it wasn’t possible for them to put fuel in their car they wouldn’t be able to get there. The Only Option The only thing they would be able to do would be to go somewhere locally, or to stay at home. In this sense, it could be said that they will have to compromise, and this is not going to be as fulfilling. Now, if this was something that took place from time to time, it might not bother them, but if it was to happen all the time, it would be harder for them to handle. What would also make this harder to handle was if one’s car had run out of fuel and this stopped them from going anywhere. Everyday Life This is then similar to how one can also suffer when they are unable to receive what they need to receive in life. On one hand, this can mean that they are able to receive from time to time and on the other hand, it can mean that this is something that rarely takes place. As a result of this, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be, and they could be used to suffering in one way of another. Yet even though one is unable to receive, it doesn’t mean that they realise this. One Outlook Instead, one can believe that they are unlucky or less fortunate than others, and this can then mean that they see themselves as a victim. It is then not that they can’t receive; it is that the world is stopping them from being able to have their needs met. Their outlook could also be supported by some of the people they spend time with, as well as the people who they come across in the world. If someone supports their outlook, it could because they experience life in the same way. Random But if that is not the case, it could a sign that they believe that people have very little control when it comes too how they experience life. So if someone is in a position where they get their needs met, they could believe that they are one of the lucky ones. Thus, it will be normal for them to see people who experience life differently as being the unlucky ones. Therefore, while someone like this will be able to display empathy, they are not going to be able to assist them. Alternatively At the same time, one could be in a position where they have moments where they feel like a victim and moments when they don’t. And when they don’t feel as though they have no control over their life, they could realise that they are playing a part in what is happening. During this time, they wonder why part of them wants to receive and another part of them doesn’t. In general, they could find that the part of them that doesn’t want to receive is the strongest part. Overwhelmed When this part of them takes over, they may find that they end up feeling overwhelmed when they receive something. Or they could feel this way when there is the chance that this is something that may take place. This could also mean that they prefer to keep people at a certain distance, and they may prefer to spend time by themselves. But if they are able to settle down, this may soon change, and they could then be drawn to others. Relationships Another way of looking at this would be to say that this can be something that will have a negative effect on one’s relationships. This could mean that it is not possible for them to experience intimacy. Other Areas Along with this, one could also find that they can only get so far when it comes to their career. At a deeper level, this can be seen as something else that will cause them to experience too much pressure. For one thing, they will have to commit to certain things and to have experiences that will cause them to lose themselves. Through not being able to embrace life, so to speak, it can also have an effect on their ability to be supported financially. Conflict Being able to receive is a vital part of life, and this is why it can be hard for one to understand why it would be such a problem. However, if one feels overwhelmed when they receive, it is going to be normal for them to keep life at bay. The trouble is that while this is what feels comfortable, it is going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily. What this can show is that one doesn’t feel safe in their body, and this then sets them up to reject life. Boundaries As result of this, they are not going to be able to receive, and this is likely to show that they are boundaryless. At an energetic level, they are going to be completely exposed, and unless this changes, they life is unlikely to change. A Deeper Look When one experiences life in this way, there is a strong chance that it’s because of what took place during their early years. During these years, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and they may have had a caregiver that got too close to them. So through being violated on a regular basis, they wouldn’t have been able to develop boundaries. The only way they would have been able to protect themselves would have been to keep their distance. Awareness In order for one to open up to life, it will be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This is likely to be a time where one will be dealing with trauma.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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