Even though perfection is an illusion, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone realises. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to do everything they can in order to be perfect.
On one hand, this could be something that has an impact on every area of their life, and on the other hand, it could be something that has an impact on a few areas. But regardless of how one’s life is affected by this need, it is undoubtedly going to cause them to experience a lot of pressure. Tense When one is in a position where they feel the need to be perfect, they could find that they are rarely, if ever, relaxed. They could always be doing something, and if they were to relax, it might not be long until they experience anxiety. Through experiencing anxiety, they could soon feel compelled do to something, and this can be because of what they believe would happen if other people were to find out that they weren’t perfect. Therefore, the fear of being seen as imperfect can be the fear that drives their behaviour. Holidays If they were able to relax, it could be something that only takes place when they go away. Having said that, this might not be the case, and this can be due to the fact that their behaviour ends up being more or less the same. As to what one does when they are away can depend on how the need to be perfect affects their life. For instance, if one was in a position where they had the need to be perfect in their career, they could end up being on a device for most of their holiday. Always Available In the past, one would have had to leave their business behind if they went away, but in today’s world, it can be possible for them to run their business from anywhere in the world. Thus, one could find that even when they are supposed to be taking it easy, they are still unable to let go. However, even if one didn’t have this kind of career, they could find that even though their body is on holiday their mind is somewhere else. Their mind could end up creating all kinds of scenarios that cause them to suffer, and they might be looking forward to going home. Career What this shows is that their whole life is being consumed by their career, and while this may mean that they overlook other areas of their life, this might not be the case. There could be a number of other areas in their life where they also do everything they can to present a certain image. For example, one may also spend a lot of time on their appearance and they might have the need to have the perfect relationship. And in the eyes of others, one could be seen as someone who leads the perfect life. Inspiration It is then not going to be uncommon for them to come across people who look up to them. There is also the chance that they are surrounded by people who come across in the same way. Yet this is not to say that they will talk to each other about what is taking place, as their need to maintain a certain appearance could stop them from opening up about how they feel. If they were to talk about the fact that they feel the need to be perfect, they may believe that it would cause the other person to reject them. One Area However, if one only feels the need to be perfect in one area of their life, it could come down to how they look. One is then not going to be overly concerned with their career or their relationships. This is not to say that they won’t try to create the impression that every area of their life is perfect. What it comes down to is that they are likely to spend more time on creating a life that looks perfect than they are on creating a life that is fulfilling. A New Option And in today’s world, it could be said that it is easier than ever before for one to create the impression that their life is perfect. The only thing one needs is a device and to have a social media account. But although one will still need to maintain their appearance and to behave in a certain way; it won’t be the only way for them to create an impression. No matter where they are or what they are doing, they can define how other people will see perceive them. Social Media The primary way that one will make others believe that their life is prefect will be through the kinds of pictures they share. Not only can they edit pictures to change how they look; they can also share pictures that don’t reflect reality. For example, one could be in a situation that is not very fulfilling, and instead of sharing pictures that reflect how they feel, they can share pictures where they look extremely happy. Along with this, they could also share images that have nothing to do with what their life is actually like. Approval Through presenting themselves in this way, there is a strong chance that they will end up receiving plenty of ‘likes’ and comments from their ‘friends’. However, if their friends were to meet them in person and to ask them about their life, they might soon realise that the life one presents online has very little to do with the life they lead offline. If one was to take a step back and to reflect on what they have been doing, they may realise that their behaviour is being driven by their need to receive approval from others. At a deeper level, they may find that they don’t feel good enough. Awareness Also, when one is focused on pleasing other people, they are going to overlook what they could be doing to please themselves. One approach would be for them to develop self acceptance, and through doing this, they will be less concerned with what other people think. This will also enable them to create a life that is fulfilling as opposed to creating a life that looks perfect. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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When something goes wrong, one can look into why it has gone wrong or they can find someone to blame. If one was to take the first option, it could be said that there is a greater chance of them being able to find a solution.
Whereas if they were to find someone to blame for what has taken place; it might not be possible for them to find a solution. As a result of this, one could end up being stuck, and until they try a different approach, they may find that their life doesn’t change. It Gets Worse In fact, one could find that their life ends up getting worse, and even though this is the case, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will change their outlook. This is because one could believe that they are doing the right thing, and that it is someone else who is in the wrong, so to speak. Through having this outlook, it is likely to mean that one will continue to behave in the same way. Yet if they believe that they have played no part in what has taken place, this is to be expected. Alternatively But if one was to look into why something has gone wrong, it would give them the chance to move forward. This is not to say that they will need to take full responsibility, as someone else may have played a part in what has taken place. The difference is that while one will be able to acknowledge the part another person has played, they are not going to end up feeling like a victim. Through having this approach, it will give them the ability to carry on with their life. Power When one blames someone else, they will be giving their power away, and if they have no power, they won’t be able to do anything. On the other hand, when one takes responsibility, they will be embracing their own power and this will give them the chance to do something. This is not to say that they will be able solve everything that takes place in their life; what it means is that they will be willing to play their part. Ultimately, it will give them the ability to grow and develop. Self-Awareness If one usually looks into what part they have played, it is going to be a sign that they have a certain level of self-awareness. As it is this ability that will allow them to look into what part they have played. On one hand, they will be able to reflect on their own behaviour, and on the other hand, they will be able to look into what part someone else has played. Through being able to do this, it will give them a greater chance of seeing how much responsibility they need to take. Cutting Their Losses At times, one might be able to put something right, but at other times, it might be necessary for them to walk away. This could be a sign that they have played their part and they are still unable to make any progress. So out of their need to look after their own well-being, they will have to move on with their life. For if they were to continue to channel their time and energy into something that wasn’t changing, they would only set themselves up to suffer unnecessarily. For Example If one was in a relationship and they were to take responsibility for their behaviour but their partner was not willing to take responsibility for theirs, and this was something that took place on a regular basis, it might be important for them to cut their ties. This would be a sign that they realise they can only do so much, and if they were to stay with the other person, it wouldn’t do them any favours. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is simply taking responsibility for themselves. And that they are not willing to be held accountable for something that has nothing to do with them. Blame However, when one generally blames others for what takes place in their life; it can be a sign that they lack self-awareness. It is then not going to matter what part they play in what takes place in their life, as they are not going to be able to accept responsibility. It will then be normal for them to overlook their own behaviour and focus purely on what someone else has done. They could believe that they are the victim, and that other people are out to get them in some way. Blind One way of looking at this would be to say that they will not only be blind to the part they have played; they will also be blind to their own faults. Their point of focus will be on someone else and this will cause them to overlook their own behaviour. What can play a big part in this is the emotional experience that they are having, as this will stop them from being able to think clearly. They could be experiencing anger, rage and even hate, and this is naturally going to cloud their judgement. One Way So unless they are able to take their focus away from someone else and to settle themselves down emotional, it is not going to be possible for them to look at their own behaviour. And not only could they see themselves as playing no part, they could also have people around them who support their outlook. This is then going to mean that other people will validate their outlook and it will be even harder for them to face reality. Also, just because one is unable to see their own faults, it doesn’t mean that this is something that always takes place. Now and Then This could be something that takes place from time to time, and this means that in most cases, they will take responsibility. So if one’s behaviour is out of character, it could be because they are in a highly charged situation. Awareness If one is in this position, it could be a challenge for them to change their mind. And this means that not only will their behaviour have a negative effect on others, it will also cause them to suffer mentally and emotionally. But if they do change, it could be because they have settled down emotionally, and this is likely to mean that their outlook has changed in some way. Perhaps they came to see how their outlook was having a negative effect on their life, and this could be a sign that someone was able to get through to them.
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If one pays attention to the mainstream media, they are likely to see that they give a lot of exposure to celebrities. But even if this wasn’t the case, they would only need to pick up a paper to realise this.
This is not to say that all news sources give them the same amount of exposure though, as there are going to be certain sources that give them more than others. As a result, one could pick up one paper and find that they are only mentioned a few times, or they pick up another and find that they receive far more exposure. Primary Interest However, while some people will wonder why so much of today’s news is about celebrities, there are going to be others who don’t. In their mind, this could be the best type of news, and there is then going to be no reason for them to think about why this is the case. They could be in a position where they can’t get enough of someone in the public eye, and it will then be important for them to stay up to date with what they are doing. And while this might only relate to a certain person, it could also include a number of people. A Role Model This could be a sign that one looks up to a certain celebrity, or a number of them. They could see them as an inspiration, and they may hope that it will be possible for them to experience life in the same way in the future. In this sense, it could be said that they are not going to have a reason to complain about the lack of real news in the mainstream media. They are going to be only too happy about what is taking place. An Escape On the other hand, this come down to the fact that one pays attention to what celebrities are doing in order to avoid their own life. It is then not that they admire the people in the public eye; it is that they provide them with a way to put their own life to one side for a short while each day. So just like the person above, they are also not going to have a reason to complain about what is taking place. But if they do, their focus could be on why a certain celebrity is famous as opposed to why there is a lack of real news. Confused However, when one doesn’t look up to celebrities and they don’t want to hear about them as a way to avoid their own life, they can find it hard to understand what is going on. For one thing, they could say that more important things are taking place in the world. And as the mainstream media is not giving exposure to the right things, it is causing these things to be overlooked. Therefore, they are not going to be informing people about what they need to be informed about. A Deeper Look On one hand, this could be as far as they go and they might not look any deeper into what is taking place, and on the other hand, they could look into why this is. Yet while some people will look deeper, it could be said that said that this will be the exception as opposed to the rule. One reason why it is the exception as opposed to the rule is because it will involve thinking. And one of the primary reasons the mainstream media has so much influence is because so many people don’t like to think for themselves. Uninformed The mainstream media is generally seen as something that exists to inform people about what is taking place in the world, and when one has this outlook; it sets them up to be deceived. But as they believe that they are being told the truth, there is going to be no reason for them to question what they hear. This then allows the different news sources to direct their attention away from what is actually taking place. And so while one can believe that they are informed, they can be completely unaware of what is actually going on in the world. Distraction One way to stop people from realising what is taking place is to distract them and this why celebrities receive so much exposure in today’s world. It is then no longer necessary for them to give people half-truths; the only thing they need to do is to direct their attention onto something else. And because of the way celebrities are often presented, it can be normal for someone to believe that they are an important part of what is taking place in the world. In fact, they could believe that everything else is more or less irrelevant. The Perfect Outcome When one believes that celebrity news is more important than any other news (or even if it doesn’t occur to them that there are more important things for them to focus on), it is going to be the perfect scenario for the people who are behind the scenes, so to speak. One will have no idea about what is taking place in the world and it won’t bother them. This then makes it easier for the mainstream media to achieve whatever they want and they won’t have to worry about experiencing too much resistance. If one was to come across someone who told them what was happening, they might dismiss what they are saying or they could tell them that they are the ones who are out of touch with reality. Conclusion What this shows is that one can’t trust the mainstream media if they want to be informed about the world. If, on the other hand, they want to be entertained or deceived, for instance, they will be fine.
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If two friends had a multiple choice test coming up in a few weeks, it could be said that it would be a good idea for them to practice. Through doing this, they are likely to have a better chance of knowing what the answers, are and this will then give them the chance to pass the test.
However, if only one of them bothered to practice, the other could find the exam a lot harder. They are les likely to know what the answers are, and they could find that they end up choosing random answers. It Looks Right Once the exam has passed, they could tell their friend that they went for the answers that ‘looked right’. And while there is the chance that this will mean that they end up selected the right option each time, this might not be the case. There could be a number of other reasons as to why the answer they choose looked right, and as this is an exam, it could be said that it will be important for them to pass. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they needed to know what they were talking about. Another Chance This is not to say that they won’t get another chance if they fail, as it should be possible for them to take the exam again. But if they need to pass the exam in order to get a job or to go to the next stage of their course, this is could set them up to experience unnecessary problems. If they are in the first position, it could mean that they have to look for another job, and this could cause them to lose the money that they need to survive. Whereas if they are in the second position, they might have to put certain plans to one side that they had made, and this is because they are not going to be where they thought they would be. Two Experiences After this has taken place, they could feel like a victim, and they might even blame other people. They could say that they weren’t given the help that they needed and that life never goes their way. Alternatively, they could realise that they are the ones who are at fault, and this is because they didn’t take the time to prepare for the exam. So if they end up failing the exam, they won’t blame anyone but themselves. One Example However, this is just one area where a lack of knowledge can cause one to experience problems in life. Another area where one can have a lack of knowledge is when it comes to what is taking place in the world. Now, although this might not cause one to fail an exam; what it can do is cause them to support a number of agendas that they are not aware of. Yet even though they can have an inaccurate idea about what is taking place around them, it doesn’t mean that one will realise this. Informed Through paying attention to the mainstream media, one could believe that they know exactly what is taking place. They could be someone who looks into what is taking place once a day or it could be something that occurs throughout the day. Thus, if anyone was to ask them about what is taking place in their country or another country, they would be able to tell them. And if they wanted to know about what has taken place in the past, they might also be able to answers their questions. The Illusion Yet even though one can believe that they are informed, this can be nothing more than an illusion. And this is because when one only pays attention to the mainstream media, they are only going to know about what they want them to know about. This comes down to the fact that their purpose is not to inform people about what is taking place in the world; it is to inform them about what they want to inform them about. In this sense, the mainstream media is giving them a false idea about the world. Masters of Manipulation However, the reason why so many people don’t realise this is partly because they have been deceived for so long. Along with this, they have been exposed to so many sources that have provided them with the same information. It is then not a case of something is true because it has been proven to be true; it is a case of it is true because so many news sources have the same view. Also, this is going to mean there will be so many people who have the same view, and this will be taken as another reason as to why what they are being told is the truth. Misinformed As a result of this, it won’t matter whether one is being lied to or not, as they are not going to know the difference. But if one believes that they are informed, this is unlikely to be something that will cross their mind. This then gives the mainstream media the ability to continually manipulate people and this then allows them to achieve whatever they want to achieve. But it is not going to be as simple as telling another person about what is taking place, as they are likely to become defensive. Conclusion If one has an open mind and they are willing to question things, it can be a lot easier for them to see what is taking place. However, if this is not the case, they could end up feeling as though someone else is the one who is out of touch with what is taking place. What this shows is how important it is for one to question what they are exposed to, and they could also take the time to look at the ‘alternative media’, for instance. This will give them a more balanced perspective when it comes to what is taking place in the world.
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If one wanted to share something about their life in the past, they would have got in touch with their friends and/or their family. This could be something that took place over the phone, or they may have just sent a text message.
Yet at the same time, they may have just gone to see someone they knew, and this may also have been something that took place after they had contacted them over the phone. If they were to speak to someone on the phone, they would only have words, but this wouldn’t be the case if they were to meet them in person. Other Elements Through meeting them in person, they would also be able to use their body to communicate, and they would have the chance to show them things. For instance, one may have had a few pictures to show them or an award. But if there were talking to them over the phone, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to do this. The only thing they would have been able to do would have been to describe the pictures they had or to describe what the award was like. Nowadays However, in today’s world this is something that has changed, and it is no longer necessary for one to call someone or to meet them in person in order to share what has been taking place in their life. The only thing that one needs to do is to share something on social media. This means that once something has happened in their life that they want to share with others, they simply need to use their device. And while they could send someone a private message; they could also just share something on their wall. The Easiest Option If one didn’t have much time, the best thing for them to do would be to share something on their wall. This will save them a lot of time and energy, and there is then the chance that all their ‘friends’ and family will be able to find out about what has happened in their life. At the same time, one might not want to share something with all of their ‘friends’ and family, and it will then mean that they might decide to send people a private message instead. It is then not going to matter whether they are in a rush or not. Another Option Yet even though they can use social media to share something about their life, they could also have moments when they decide to call someone or to meet them in person. This is something is likely to depend on what it is that is taking place in their life. For example, if one had just got engaged, they may want to call certain people or to meet them in person. Once they have done this, they may then decide to share it online with the rest of their ‘friends’. One of the Benefits If one was around before social media was invented, they may think about how much easier their life has become through being able to share their life online. Based on what their life is like now, they may wonder how they were able to cope before. And if this is the only thing that one has ever known, they could wonder how other people could were able to handle what it was like in the past. Nevertheless, this is just one of the many ways in which social media has changed the world. It’s Normal So as social media is often seen as just another part of life for people, it can be normal for them to share their whole life online. And this is something that can occur through writing updates and uploading videos and pictures. Therefore, the kind of things that people used to share on the phone or around others are now being shared on social media. As a result of this, it is also likely to mean that far more people will find out about what is taking place in their life. It Is There Forever Also, when one said something on the phone or to another person’s face, there wouldn’t have been a way for them to go over what was said; it would have disappeared. That is unless they had decided to record the conversation, or there was someone else who was secretly recording what was being said. Yet when it comes to what one shares on social media, it is not going to disappear, and this is because it will stay be on their wall. And even if they were to delete it, it doesn’t mean that the site they used hasn’t kept a record of what they shared. A More Cautious Approach This is not to say that everyone will be in the same position, as there are going to be plenty of people who realise this. But even if this is not something that they are aware of, it doesn’t mean that they will share their whole life online. Now, while this could be a sign that they were around before social media was invented, this might not be the case. It could just come down to the fact that they don’t to share their life with just anyone. ‘Friends’ This could mean that while they could be close friends with some of the people who can see what they share online, there could be others that they don’t know very well. As a result, they might not want certain people to find out about certain things in their life. It could be said that this is then similar to how one might share something with their close friends, but they won’t necessarily share the same thing with their colleagues, for instance. This is could be seen as the sensible approach, and this is because it is not going to be possible for one to share everything with everyone; if they were to do this, they would be setting themselves up to experience all kinds of problems. Conclusion So just like one wouldn’t share every part of their life with everyone they meet in the real world; it might not be a good idea for them to share their whole life with everyone online. For their own protection, it will be necessary for them to only share certain things with others. This will stop them from receiving the wrong kind of attention, and it could also have a positive effect on their career. If one was to share everything, it could cause them to lose their job, or it might stop them from getting one.
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Although everyone on this planet has needs, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet feels comfortable with their own needs. And it could be said that when one does feel comfortable with their needs, their life is going to be a lot easier.
In this case, not only is one an interdependent human being; it is also possible for them to embrace this fact. Whereas when one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own needs, it is going to be a challenge for them to accept this. An Analogy One way of seeing this would be to imagine a tree that doesn’t feel comfortable with accepting what the earth has to offer. It could find that while some of its roots are in the ground, most of its roots are not. As a result of this, the tree could end up looking more like a bush, and this is because it is roots are unable to pass on the nutrients that to needs in order to grow. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the tree is simply surviving as opposed to thriving. Support And while other trees could wonder what is going on and say to the tree that the earth is there to support them, this might not take place. Yet if it was to happen, the tree could ignore what is being said. However, the tree could also be in an area where there are no other trees, or it could be surrounded by other bushes. In this case, there is going to be no reason for the bushes to say anything and this is because they look the same. Undeveloped So just like a tree that is unable to get the nutrients that it needs in order to develop, one can find that it is not possible for them to get what they need in order to develop. And they could find that the reason they are not getting what they need is because they are not asking for what they need. Their situation could then be compared to the tree that is not growing because all of its roots are not in the ground. It is then not that is not possible for one to have their needs met; it is that they don’t reach out to others. The Same One may have people around them who tell them to express their needs, and there could be moments where this takes place. Or they could hear what they say and it might not have an effect on their life. At the same time, one could be in a position where the people they surround themselves with are in a similar position. Yet they could also find that they are so focused on other people’s needs that they don’t have time to think about their own. Normal If this is the case, the people around them might not realise that one is overlooking their own needs. They could see them as someone who is only too happy to be there for others, and this could make them believe that they don’t even have needs. As a result of having relationships that are like this, one may find that it is only possible for them to get their needs met indirectly. But if they are caught up in other people’s lives, this is something that is to be expected. An Act In the eyes of others, they could come across as someone who is happy, positive and easy going, for instance. Thus, they could see them as some kind of role model, and it could then be normal for people to look up to them. But regardless of how they usually come across, it is unlikely to match up with how they feel on the inside. When they are by themselves or around certain people, another side of them might end up coming out from time to time. Another Experience During these moments, they could feel frustrated, angry and powerless, and as though they have no control over their life. They could also experience resentment towards the people they help and the ones who get their needs met. Feeling like a victim could then be something that they have become accustomed to, but even if they know why they don’t reveal their own needs, it doesn’t mean that their life will change. They could believe that this is just something that they have to put with in life. Not Important If they were to look into why they generally don’t reveal their needs to others, they might find that it’s because they believe that their needs are not important. Through having this outlook, it will be normal for them to hide them from others. It is then not going to be much of a surprise for them to have moments when they are out of touch with their own needs, and this is because they believe that they can’t have them met. Disconnecting from their needs can then be a way for them to avoid the pain that they would experience through not having them met. A Deeper Look When one believes that their needs are not important, it can due to how their caregivers responded to their needs during their childhood years. This could have been a time where their needs were ignored and dismissed. Through being treated in this way, one would have ended up feeling ashamed of their needs, and it would then be normal for them to hide them from others. This would also have set them up to believe that other people’s needs are more important than their own. Awareness In order for one to realise that their needs are important, it will be important for them to question what they believe and they may have some emotional work to do. This could be a time where they need to grieve their unmet childhood needs and to process the toxic shame that is within them. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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If one wanted to find out what their ‘friends’ have been going, there is a strong chance that they will end up using social media. And while they might end up looking through one site; they could also look through a number of different sites.
What this comes down to is that is that one may be a member of a number of different sites. This will then give then a number of different options when it comes to staying up to date with their ‘friends’. A Few Times a Day This could be something that they do throughout the day, or it might be something that takes place at the end of the day, for instance. It can all depend on what is taking place in their life. For example, if they were at work, it might not be possible for them to use social media throughout the day. Having said that, they could have the kind of job where they can use it whenever they like. Time Consuming And in most cases, one may find that while they enjoy using social media; it is not something that disrupts the rest of their life. So they can use it and then they can carry on with the rest of their life. Whereas if this is not the case; they could be in a position where it has a negative effect on other areas of their life. This is then the difference between watching TV from time to time and watching it all the time; if one watched it all the time, other areas of their life would be neglected. Easily Done One could say to themselves that they want to look over what their ‘friends’ have been doing and then they will do something else, and then before they know it, they could end up being online for a few hours. It would then be easy to say that they are weak-willed, but this would overlook how engaging social media is. As there will be so many things that they can click on and watch, it is easy to see why they would use it for so long. And after they have been using it for all this time, they might not even have sent anyone a message. Likes and Comments If they had spoken to their friends, it could have been something that took place through leaving comments and ‘liking’ what they have shared. As a result of this, there is the chance that they would only know about what their ‘friends’ wanted them to know about. Now, it could be said that even if they had spoken to them in real world they would still only find out about what they wanted them to know, and this is something that can’t be denied. However, when someone shares something on social media, it can end up being seen by a lot of people, and so they can feel the need to hide certain parts of their life. For Example One way of looking at this would be for one to imagine the difference between speaking to a few of their friends in the real world and speaking to an audience. They are likely to find that there is a greater chance of them sharing how they feel with a few friends than an audience. If this wasn’t the case, it could be because they are conducting some kind of workshop, and it might then be necessary for them to open up about how they feel. Thus, when they are with a friend in the real world, they are more likely to feel at ease, and it will then be a lot easier for them to open up. Closed Having said that, if one doesn’t feel comfortable opening up, it might not matter who they are with. As a result of this, they could find that it doesn’t matter whether they are online or if they are in the real world, as they could present themselves in a similar same way. And through living in this way, they could find that they often feel lonely and cut-off from others. The way for them to change this would be for them to share what is actually taking place for them, and thorough doing this, they will be able to feel connected to others. Selective Sharing Yet while someone can only share certain things online, they can also share things that don’t reflect what is taking place for them. In this sense, they will be sharing things that have no basis in reality. Or if they do, they will be greatly exaggerated, and if one was to meet them in person, they would soon find out that there is more than meets the eye. Through realising this, one could end up feeling as though they have been deceived. Deception At the same time, one could believe that what they see reflects the kind of life that someone is living, and this could then cause them to experience: discontentment, jealousy, resent and even envy, among other things. And while someone can end up trying to deceive others; they also end up trying to deceiving themselves. One of the primary ways that someone can deceive others is through the kind of pictures that they share. For instance, they can share pictures that have been heavily edited, and the kinds of facial expressions that they have might not reflect the experiences that they have been having. A Fake Smile They could come across as though they have been having the time of their life, but if one was with them when they took a certain picture, they may find out that this is nothing more than an illusion. Based on this, it could be said that they are more concerned with looking as though they having a good time than they are with actually having a good time. Their main priority could be to look good in the eyes of others, and it is then not going to matter what their life is actually like. On one hand then, this is likely to mean that they will end up receiving a lot of ‘likes’ and comments, but on the other hand, they could feel empty and miserable. Conclusion If one is in a position where they feel the need to deceive others online, they could take the time to look into why this is. Through doing this, they will be able to work on the areas of their life that are not as fulfilling as they would like them to be and this will give them to chance to change their life. When this happens, the life they present online can then be an accurate reflection of the kind of life that they have. It might also be necessary for them to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was going to meet a friend, there is a strong chance that they would expect them to show up not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they expect them to be present.
However, if this wasn’t the case, it could be because they know that their friend is going through a challenging time, or it may mean that they are happy to tolerate this kind of kind of behaviour. In this case, it might be a sign that they don’t value themselves, and this then causes them to put up with this kind of behaviour. Respect When one expects their friends to be present, it can also mean that they are also going to be present, as a result of this, they are not expecting something that they are not prepared to give in return. If this is the case, it could be said that they will be in balance; whereas if they were to expect something they were not prepared to give, they would be out of balance. And when two people behave in this way, it will show that they respect each other. Smartphone One thing that can make it harder for someone to be in the moment is when they use their Smartphone. So during the moments when two people are together, it could be said that it will be important for them to put their Smartphone away. That is unless their Smartphone’s are an important part of the conversation; in this case, it might not have a negative effect on the interaction. But in general, there will be no need for their devices to be on show. A Distraction This is because when one has their device on show; it can stop them from being able to be in the present moment. While they can be with someone else, part of them can be waiting for their device to off. Yet if it was out of their sight, it can be a lot easier for them to be with the person in front of them. At the same time, if one was expecting an important call or message, it would be different. Listening When two people are present, they will be able to listen to what the other person has to say, and not only will this benefit their current interaction, it will also benefit their relationship as a whole. Through listening to the other person, one will be able to ask them questions and/or to offer them their support, and this will show that one cares about what they have to say. Along with this, one will also know what to talk about when they are next in contact with them. For example, if their friend has an important event or an audition coming up, they will be able to wish them luck; but if one didn’t listen to what they were saying, this wouldn’t be possible. Customer Service However, while being present is an important part of having fulfilling relationships; it is also an important part of having a successful business. When someone goes somewhere to buy something, there is a strong chance that they will want to be served or greeted by someone who is present. Through being treated this way, there is a greater chance that they will end up buying something. This is not to say that treating someone with respect will always lead to this outcome, as they may find that what they want to buy is cheaper somewhere else, for instance. Irrelevant There are also going to be people who will buy something from somewhere regardless of whether the people who work there are present. This could be because it is the only place in their area that sells what they want. Or it could come down to the fact that they don’t expect the customer service to be any better than it is. This could then be a sign that they are buying something from a fast food restaurant or some kind of supermarket, for instance. An Important Factor But while there can be times when someone is willing to tolerate this kind of behaviour, there are going to be times when they won’t. And although this could be because they are looking to spend a lot of money; this might not be the case. It could simply come down to that fact that they want to be treated like a human being as opposed to an object. Through being present, it will allow one to acknowledge another person and this can cause them to feel as though they are important. Important If a business was to believe that their customers are not important, it wouldn’t matter how they treated them. However, through having this outlook, it would cause them to lose a lot of customers and they might even go out of business. Clearly, customers are a vital part of any business, and this is because a business wouldn’t survive without them. This is not to say that they have to give someone ‘special treatment’, it simply means being in the moment. Being Present When one is in the present moment, they are not going to be thinking about what they will do that evening and they are not going to be thinking about the weekend, for instance. Their focus will be on what is currently taking place. A customer can then feel as though they are not just another number and that they are valued. As a result of this, there is a greater chance that they will end up coming back again.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Can A Bad Relationship Cause Someone To Believe That All Men/Women Are The Same?2/2/2016
While there are some people who are in relationships that could be described as ‘functional’; there are others who are in relationships that could be described as ’dysfunctional’. And as a result of this, their experience on this planet is going to be radically different.
One Experience If one is in a position where their relationship is fulfilling, it will be something that has a positive effect on their life. When they are in the other person’s presence, they are likely to feel good about themselves. They may also find that the other person encourages them to grow as a person, and this will then show that they are more than just someone who is in their life. This could also mean that they admire the person they are with. Another Experience Alternatively, if one is in a position where their relationship is not very fulfilling, it is going to be something that has a negative effect on their life. When they are around the other person, one could find that it is a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. The other person might not encourage them to grow and develop, and it could then be said that they won’t them to stay as they are. Thus, they could see their partner as someone who is there to make their life harder. A Meal If one was to eat a meal and they didn’t like it, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t eat it. They might then put the cutlery down and order something else, or they might not have anything else. But while this will be the case when it comes to food, it doesn’t mean that will behave in the same way if they are in a relationship that wasn’t right for them. Instead, they can end putting up with how things are and suffering unnecessarily. Feedback This is not to say that other people won’t realise what is taking place though, as there could be a number of people who are only too aware of how they are experiencing life. They could tell them to walk away, or they might say that they should seek some kind of professional help. The kind of feedback that they receive could all depend on what one’s relationship is like with their partner. For example, if one is being abused they could tell them that they need to leave the other person, but if it is not as extreme as this and one says that they still want to be with them, then someone else could suggest that they have some kind of counselling, for instance. The End Now, if one was with someone who was abusive and they were to bring their relationship to an end, they may find that they don’t want to have another relationship for a little while. Through having a break, it can then allow them to process the pain that they experienced with the other person. And even if they were to develop a negative outlook towards the opposite sex, they may find that this starts to change as time passes. Therefore, it will be possible for them to see that not only men/women are the same, and this will give them a greater chance of finding someone who is right for them when the time is right. A Different Outlook However, even though one can end up believing that all men/women are the same through being with someone who is abusive, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to let go this outlook. Based on what they have experienced, they could believe that the person they were with reflects what all men/women are like. But through having this outlook; it is going to be a challenge for them to attract someone who is different. Therefore, it could be said that their own outlook will stop them from being able to attract someone who a functional human being. In The Same Position Yet even though one could walk away and have this outlook, they could have this outlook and still be with the same person. On one side, they are going to believe that all men/women are the same, and on the other side, this is not going to be enough for them to leave the relationship. It could then be said that regardless of what they believe about men/women, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support. And this is because the longer they stay with someone who isn’t right for them, the worse their life will be. Stepping Back When one believes that all men/women are the same, it can be a sign that their emotions are out of control and this then stops them from being able to think clearly. And if they have been with someone who took advantage of them, it is to be expected that they will have a lot going on at an emotional level. They could feel incredibly angry, and this could even mean that there is also rage and hate within them. At a deeper level, they could feel powerless and hopeless, and this can then show how vulnerable they feel. An Early Experience What can also cause one to believe that all men/women are the same is if their early years were not very functional. During this time, they may have had a mother or a father who took advantage of them in some way. Through having these kinds of experiences, it would have set them up to believe that all men/women are the same. These experiences may have first occurred when one’s ability to think was still being developed, and this means they wouldn’t have been able to realise that not every man/woman was the same. Awareness The only thing they would have had was an emotional response, and the emotional responses they had would have defined their outlook. So if one can relate to this, it will be important for them to work through their early childhood pain. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. When one questions what they believe and processes the pain that they first experienced during their childhood, it will give them the chance to see that not all men/women are the same.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to look into what was taking place in the news, there is a strong chance their inner experience would change. This is something that will take place regardless of whether they were to read something or if they were to watch something, for instance.
As a result, they could end up feeling better than they did before or they could end up worse than they did before. But based on what the mainstream media generally covers; it could be said that they will be more likely to feel worse. General State So if one finds that they are generally happy in life, they can find that their emotional state soon changes when they are exposed to the news. This could then mean that they do their best to avoid the mainstream media. And while this is then going to mean that they won’t be exposed to something that could make them feel better than they do, they are unlikely to be too concerned. For one thing, the mainstream media mainly covers bad news, and this means that they will gain more than they lose. Another Experience However, if one is in a position where they generally feel unhappy, they may find that the mainstream media doesn’t have the same effect on them. In this case, it might not matter whether they are exposed it, as they won’t feel much different. Through feeling down in life, they could find that they spend a lot of their time watching or reading the news. In fact, through being exposed to so much negativity, it could cause them to feel as though their life isn’t too bad. A New Focus Through being exposed to these sources of information, one may find it then gives them something else to focus on, and this then allows them to avoid their own life. Thus, if they were unable to find out what is taking place in the mainstream media, they may start to experience withdrawal symptoms. It could then be said that they are not going to be too concerned as to whether what they are being exposed to is the truth or whether they are being control by the information they are absorbing. In their eyes, it could be all about being entertained, and this could then mean that the more disturbing the news is, the better it is. Reality If one was in a position where they realised how negative the news is and they were to point this out to someone, they may be told that that’s just how the world is today. Based on this, the mainstream media is not negative; it is simply passing on what is taking place in the world. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they don’t have a hidden agenda; they are just presenting the truth. Upon hearing this, one could accept what they hear and then carry on with the rest of their life. The Reason If this was to take place, it could mean that they look up to the person who believes that the mainstream media is only there to inform people. Along with this, they could also be someone who doesn’t take the time to think for themselves. Yet although one could be told that the mainstream media doesn’t have a hidden agenda, it doesn’t mean that they will accept what they hear. They could decide to take a deeper look into what is going on. Control But without even looking into what their agenda may be, one could see that the mainstream media has an incredible amount of power of people. Even though some people will question what they see and others will turn their back on it entirely and look towards the alternative media to find out what is taking place, there are going to be plenty of people who accept everything they hear. As a result of this, their outlook is not going to be defined by their own experience; it will be defined by what someone else tells them. Therefore, the mainstream media will have a big effect on how they feel. The Purpose However, as the mainstream media focuses on some things and ignores other things, it would be naive to believe that they don’t care about how people feel. It could be said that they want people to have a certain emotional experience, and this is something they can achieve through focusing on certain events and ignoring others. For if one feels a certain way, it is then going to cause them to have a certain outlook and it will then be normal for them to behave in a certain way, and it is one’s behaviour that will allow the media to achieve a certain outcome. When one’s behaviour is defined by the mainstream media, they are going to be nothing more than a puppet. Fear When one is exposed to the mainstream media, there is a strong chance that they will end up experiencing fear. As a result of this, it can stop them from being able to see the bigger picture and this then means that their attention can end up being consumed by one thing. For example, the mainstream media could talk about how dangerous a group of people are and how a certain action needs to be taken. And through experiencing fear, one can lose the ability to see clearly, and they can then go along with the solution that is provided. Distracted One can then end up with what could be described as tunnel vision, and they are not going to be able to see what else is taking place. Along with this, they are not going to be able to think about what consequences may arise through taking the approach that is being supported. But regardless of why one is experiencing fear, it is going to stop them from being able to function as a whole human being. Their attention is being consumed by what the mainstream media wants it to be consumed by and they are going to find it difficult to have a balanced perspective. Conclusion So what this shows is how important it is for one to make sure that the mainstream media is not in control of how they feel. If they find that they can’t think properly, it will be a good idea for them to take a step back from what they are being exposed to. Through doing this, it will give them the chance to re-centre themselves and to gain a more balanced perspective. This will then give them the chance to make better decisions in life and it can then lead to better consequences.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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