When I was working with a therapist in 2007, I thought that I was working through lot of pain that was from my past lives. However, after working through this pain, my life didn’t really change.
As time went by I came to believe that dealing with past life issues was a waste of time and I ended up focusing on what I had gone through in this life. About seven years after this, I ended up looking into this area again. A Seemingly Random Encounter At the end of 2014 I met someone called Ian Baillie, and this was someone who knew all about past lives. It didn’t take long for him to come up with a life that I had had in the past and as time went by, he shared other lives that I had had. It became clear that he had ability to tune into what someone had been through in the past. I was slightly sceptical at this point, but I was open minded and willing to hear about what he had to say. One Life Through spending more time with Ian, and becoming good friends with him in the process, I started to open up more to what he was talking about. When it came to the last life I had, he said that I was around during the Vietnam War and that I was killed fighting in this war. When I thought about this it made a lot of sense as when I had a load of trauma come up to the surface around 2011, I felt as though I was in a war zone. Even so, I put this down to the fact that I grew up in a very unstable environment. The Obvious Reason I had spent years looking into the effect that my childhood years had on me and seeing this time in my life as the reason why I felt so traumatised made sense. If my early years were very nurturing and supportive, I would have most likely have believed that what I went through was the result of the last life I had. After this, I continued to work through the layers of pain that were within me and I didn’t think much about this past life. A few years later, my attention was directed back to this area when I was looking through a book that went into the effect that past lives can have on someone. Another Look In a way, it was as if I was being encouraged to look into this area again and to see something that I had not yet seen. I thought about having a past life regression session but that was as far as it went. I had got to the point where I felt that I could do this work on myself and no longer felt the need to look outside of myself for assistance. So, instead of having one of these sessions, I continued to do inner child work on myself. I Went Deeper When I do this work on myself I usually connect to a part of me that is in pain due to being neglected and I end up grieving these unmet needs. But when I did this on another occasion, I connected to a part of me that was very different. This part of me wasn’t sad that his needs were not met, it was sad that he couldn’t finish what he started. From the outside he looked like a child, but from what he was saying it was as though he was an adult. Another Life From what this part of me was saying and based on how he felt, it was like one moment he was in one life and in another moment he was in another life. Along with this, this part of me felt didn’t feel safe. I ended up thinking about how frustrating it must be to go from one life to another as there is nothing that this part of our being can do; that is, of course, unless we are brought up by people who are deeply in tune with themselves. Firstly, we can go from being a capable adult to being powerless baby and, secondly, there is no way for us to communicate with our caregivers. Very Deceptive This part of me didn’t see my caregivers as my mother and father; he just saw them as being people were there to look after him. And because of what it was like for him last time and how fearful he was, he wanted to protect them. How he looked from the outside was then nothing like what was going on for him on the inside. The only option I had was to allow this part of me to grieve what had been lost; in the same way that I would do this for my inner child. Final Thoughts I came to see that my early environment was merely a continuation of what this last life was like. What I had been through in this life played a part in how I felt and what I had been through before also played a part. Perhaps you sense that what happened in a past life is impacting your present life or maybe this is not something you have thought about before. My advice would be to keep an open mind and to see what you find.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If one is in a relationship that is abusive, they can find that it is hard for them to feel good about themselves. So, through spending so much time around someone who undermines them, the good feelings that they had will have just about disappeared.
Before this took place, they may have often experienced positive feelings and believed that they deserved to be treated well. Ergo, instead of being in a relationship that allows them to grow and develop; it will be a relationship that is destroying them. Another Example Alternatively, one could work somewhere where someone treats them badly; causing them to feel as though they have no value. It is then not going to matter how they are treated in other areas of their life, as this part of their life will have worn them down. One could then be treated well by their partner and/or friends, yet this won’t be enough to change how they feel about themselves. The environment where they spend a number of hours during the week will have the biggest impact on them. One More Then again, one could find that they feel worthless when they spend time around a certain family member. Due to how this person treats them, it won’t be possible for them to feel good about themselves. Someone who should have a positive effect on them is then going to be someone who weakens them. After they have spent time with this person, it could take them a while to re-experience positive feelings. Moving Forward If one finds that they feel worthless when they are around a family member, it might be a good idea to limit the amount of time that they spend around them. They might even need to go one step further and to remove them from their life. If they work somewhere that is having a negative effect on their wellbeing, it will be essential for them to speak to someone who is higher up the ladder about what is going on. Another option would be for them to find somewhere else to work. Drawing the Line When it comes to being in an abusive relationship, they may have already made it clear to their partner that their behaviour is not acceptable. If this is so, the only option that they will have will be to walk away. This might not be easy, but it will be vital for them to focus on how much worse their life will get if they stay where they are. Through embracing how painful this would be, it might give them the fuel they need to get away. Time to Rebuild Once one no longer spends time around someone who makes them feel worthless, it will give them the chance to gradually build themselves up again. This can take place by spending time around people who love and support them and by focusing on their positive traits. Taking care of their needs and making sure they don’t neglect themselves will also be a way for them to tell themselves that they are valuable. If they have hit rock bottom it will take them a while to rise up again, but they will need to continually tell themselves that they are worth it. It’s Clear Taking all this into account, it is obvious that other people have the power to make someone feel worthless. Irrespective of how someone feels about themselves, then, if they are around at least one person who treats them badly, they can end up feeling worthless. However, although it may seem as though this is the case, it overlooks the fact that it is not this black and white. What this doesn’t take into consideration is that someone can already feel worthless at a deeper level. Two Levels Through already feeling worthless deep down, it will be normal for them to tolerate how someone like this treats them. The reason why one won’t realise that they already felt this way to begin with can be because they had developed a false-self that allowed them to feel good about themselves. Underneath this will be how they actually feel about themselves, and this will be the complete opposite of how they feel on the surface. Still, their conscious mind can deny this and make out they don’t want to feel worthless. An Identity At a deeper level, then, they are going to be emotionally attached to feeling worthless, and this will be why they are willing to put up with being treated badly. If they were not attached to feeling this way, they may have done something as soon as another person started to treat them badly. But as feeling this way is what felt comfortable deep down, there was no reason for them to do anything. Their conscious mind will have resisted what took place but their unconscious mind will have been happy to put up with it. Way Back What this can show is that they were made to feel worthless during their early years, and this would have been a time when they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. At this stage of their life they would have been egocentric and defenceless, meaning that they would have taken everything personally and everything would have gone in. Therefore, being treated badly meant that they were bad, not that their caregiver/s were not in a good way. After being treated in this way for many years, feeling worthless would have become familiar and gradually become part of their identity – who they were. Awareness When one is no longer emotionally attached to feeling worthless, there will be no reason for them to put up with anyone who treats them badly. It won’t interest them and as this feeling is not within them to begin with, they will be less likely to attract people like this. If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is well known that it is important to grieve after a loved one has passed on, but what is not as well known is that it is also important for someone to grieve their unmet childhood needs. However, in the same way that someone can lose touch with the pain that is within them after another person has passed on, they can also lose touch with their childhood pain.
In both cases, then, the pain will be covered up and they will carry on with their life. If someone has lost touch with the pain that they experienced as a child, they are going to be more likely to keep their adult pain at bay, too. A Pattern As a child, losing touch with their pain may have been the only option that they had. Due to not having the external support that they needed, they wouldn’t have been able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions. As an adult, then, pushing their pain out of their awareness is going to be a natural response. If they were to embrace this pain, they would also have to come into contact with all of the early pain that is stuck in their body. A Key Point Having said this, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that every adult on this planet had a traumatic childhood. Still, if someone did and they are out of touch with this pain, this pain can make itself known in other ways. For example, someone could find that they often feel depressed and have low energy and/or they could find it hard to connect with people at a deeper level. They could also have a weak connection to their body, and of course, find it hard to connect to how they feel. Waiting To Be Heard The pain that is deep within their body will be desperate to be acknowledged. Whenever their needs were not met they would have experienced pain, and this pain could even go right back to what happened the moment they were born. By getting in touch with the child or children with them, as there is likely to be many spilt-off parts within them, they will be able to let each child speak out and to express the emotions that it was unable to express at that moment in time. In addition to crying, they may feel the need to scream and to hit things. Building a Connection Getting to this point can be hard, and this is why someone will need to be patient and persistent. One thing that may help them to reconnect to the children within them is music. Music may awaken this part of their being and allow them to work through the pain that is within them; whereas without it, this might not happen. In a way, it will be as though the music is providing their seized up emotional body with the oil it needs to come back to life. Final Thoughts If someone is carrying a lot of emotional pain, it may be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. Through working with a therapist or a healer who can hold the space, it will allow them to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. Once they start to work through the layers of pain that are within them and their presence grows, they will be able to hold the space for themselves. External support is then being provided until they are emotionally strong enough to support themselves.
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When I was reading ‘The Integrity Of Personality’ by Anthony Storr, there were a lot of things that stood out. This is a book that came out a few decades ago, but it is full of great information.
And one of the things that stood out was when he basically said that a therapist can’t make a client do anything. He said that when someone is ready to behave in a certain way, they will, and that this is not something that can be forced. The Only Reason If they were to change their behaviour just because they had been told to do so, it would be coming from their need to please their therapist. As a result of this, they wouldn’t be listening to their true-self. It then wouldn’t matter if they were to behave in a way that is seen as the right way to behave, as this will just be an act. Their behaviour will be motivated by their head, not their body. The False-Self Their head will be the part of them that looks outside for guidance, while their body will operate in a different way. Their true-self, the part of them that will be found in their body, will give them the guidance they need. If their behaviour was to change after they had been told to change it by their therapist, it might seem as though they are making progress. However, this won’t be something they are emotionally on board with. A Different Way Now, if after working with a therapist someone felt the need to behave in a certain way, it wouldn’t be an act. Their behaviour would be driven by their feelings, not their need to please anyone. This will show that they are building a connection with themselves and are not reliant on someone else to tell them how to behave. Clearly, if someone is working with a therapist in order to embrace their true-self, this is what will need to occur. Another Experience Along with this, there was a time when a healer said that I may feel the need to lead more. Due to the work that we were doing, he said that this is something that could take place as time went by. He was then not telling me that this is something I needed to do; he was saying that this may be one of consequences of the work we were doing. I then didn’t come away feeling as though I needed to change my behaviour. Final Thoughts I think this illustrates how important it is for someone to pay attention to what they feel called to do, as opposed to doing something for any other reason. For this to take place, they will need to have a good connection with their feelings. If someone finds it hard to connect with their feelings, it can show that they are carrying trauma. This may mean that they will need to reach out for the support of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that there are men who are more feminine than masculine, there are also women who are more masculine than feminine. Now, if someone believes that men are an expression of the masculine and women are an expression of the feminine, it can be hard for them to understand why this is the case.
However, if someone believes that both men and women are made up of both energies, this is not going to be something that is hard for them to get their head around. So, if a man/woman was to behave in a way that doesn’t match up with their physical appearance, it is unlikely to faze them. A Different World And over the years, a fair amount of men have developed traits that are associated with the feminine and a fair amount of women have developed traits that are associated with the masculine. As a result of the traits that these women have embraced, it has allowed a number of them to achieve a certain amount of material success in a society that values the masculine more than the feminine One way of looking at this would be to say that a lot of women have been able to liberate themselves. Instead of having to rely on a man to provide for them; they have been able to do this for themselves. The Only Difference And while some women have become more balanced, others have more or less lost touch with their feminine aspect. A woman like this can then look like a woman, but she can have a very strong masculine energy. Through being this way, she can have a strong need to be in control and to make everything happen through force. It is then unlikely that she will have the ability to surrender to life or to trust that it will give her what she needs. All Areas If someone was to take a look at how she lives her life, they may come to see that just about every part of her life is about doing, not being. When she is at work, she could be under a lot of pressure to get things done and shortly after she gets home, she could end up going to the gym. This could be a time when she ends up lifting weights, thereby armouring her physical body in the process. Once she gets home, there could be more work that she has to do in order to be ready for work the next day. No Problem If a woman like this was to come across a woman who is a stay-at-home mum or who does something fairly creative, she might not think anything of it. As far as she is concerned, it could be up to a woman to decide how she will live her life. This could show that she sees women as individuals, as opposed to a group of people who should all live in the same way. If this is the case, it can show that she has good boundaries, and this is going to be the reason why she doesn’t see all women as being connected to each other. A Different Scenario The fact that she can accept that not all women want to live in the same way can show that she is happy with who she is and her own life. This doesn’t mean that she will want her life to stay this way forever, though. Then again, a woman like this could end up judging women who are stay-at-home mums or who don’t have a certain type of job. Along with this, she could also lay into women who are nurturing, empathic and sensitive, for instance. Less-Than Hearing about women like this or being around them is going to cause her to experience a strong reaction. She could believe that these women are not empowered like her and that they need to change their life. Being around a woman like this is then not going to make her feel good; it will most likely fill her with disdain. What is going on out there is then going to be seen as something that needs to change, not what is going on within her. A Closer Look The reason this woman responds in this way when women express their feminine nature, can be due to the view that she has of her own femininity. This part of her can be seen as weak and even shameful. How she feels about her own femininity may have been pushed down into her unconscious mind, which is then why her conscious is not aware of why she judges certain women in this way. If she was to connect to what is taking place within her at a deeper level, she would be able to see why she experiences life in this way. Way Back The view that she has of her feminine nature will have been shaped by her adult years and by what took place during her early years. When it comes to her early years, this may have been a time when she was abused and her mother may have been mistreated. It would then have been clear that it wasn’t safe for her to embrace her softer side; doing so would only lead to more pain. The outcome of this is that she would have come to hate this part of herself and disconnecting from it would have been a way for her to protect herself. Awareness If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to reintegrate her feminine element, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. There is likely to be a lot of emotional pain in her body, and this pain will need to be worked through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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