A number of years ago I had the chance to meet a DJ and producer, and I ended up seeing them perform afterwards. This was an incredible night and a time in my life that I will never forget.
At the time it was surreal, I couldn’t quite get my head around how this was taking place; I didn’t think that something like this would ever happen to me. If someone had told me this would happen, I would have found it very hard to believe. Full of Energy I was at the club until the early hours of the morning and I ended up getting the first train home, but I didn’t sleep when I got back. Still, even though I hadn’t slept the night before, I didn’t feel as though I needed to sleep. When I met a friend that day I don’t think he could believe that I hadn’t slept, due to how awake I was. In addition to how fulfilling this night was, there was something else that left a mark on me. Two Extremes During their performance, there were people trying to touch them and they had written messages on their phone for them to read. Based on how these people were behaving, it was as if they were some kind of god. They were clearly enjoying all the attention and I thought it was fascinating to watch how these people were behaving. Once their performance was over and we were on our way home, all these fans had disappeared, and this was when I saw another side to this person. It All Came Out They ended up talking about how these people didn’t care about them and that they only liked them because they were famous. What they said could have party been the result of how much they had had to drink that night; even so, what came out of their mouth was completely true. What was clear was that if this person wasn’t famous, these people wouldn’t have known anything about them, and this meant that that their behaviour was conditional. How these people behaved was largely a consequence of how they felt when they listened to this persons music and what they had projected onto them. An Illusion Therefore, if they were not into their music and hadn’t projected anything onto them, they wouldn’t have seen this person in the same way, and this would have been the case if they had a ‘normal’ job. They would just have been another human being; nothing more, nothing less. When someone is famous and they don’t realise why their fans behave the way that they do, they can end up letting it go to their head and believe that they are some kind of god – seeing themselves as being separate from other human beings. When in reality, they are just a human being who has been elevated due to the fact that other human beings have place onto them the parts of themselves that they haven’t realised. Unmet Childhood Needs I got the impression that this was someone who was looking for the love and nurturance that they didn’t get as a child. The wounded child within them had then given them the motivation to get to where they were. But while being famous can allow someone to feel as though they are the centre of the universe (with this being how they would have been as a child), the people who give them positive feedback are not going to be their parents. Ergo, their attention and support will be conditional, and this means that their early wounds will end up being triggered in one way or another. Final Thoughts Ultimately, if one didn’t get their needs met when they were growing up, it will be up to them to give their wounded inner child what it needs now that they are an adult. If one looks towards others to give them what they didn’t receive all those years ago, they are only setting themselves up to suffer. One will need to reparent themselves, and this will be a time when they will listen to their inner child, allowing it to express what is wasn’t allowed to express all those years ago. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Nowadays, it is incredibly easy for a man to view porn, and if he wants, he can also keep it light and check out different glamour models. The former can take place by going to certain video sites, while the latter can take place by using social media.
One way for a man to see both of these options would be to say that they are both harmless, and that neither of them will have much of an effect on their life. After all, it is not as though they are harming anyone by viewing these kinds of things. A Buffet And not only is it incredibly easy for a man to view this kind of material online, there is going to be so much for him to choose from. Also, this can be done from the comfort of his own home, or he can view it when he is on the move. Millions and millions of images and videos will be right at his figure tips and he won’t have to pay a penny. He can then believe that he is getting a lot and not giving anything in return. The Big Illusion However, while he might not spend any of his money on what he is viewing, it doesn’t mean that he won’t be giving anything in return. If he was to take a step back and to reflect on his own life, he might be able to see the effect that this is having on him. And, the effect that this kind of material is having can all depend on how long he has been viewing it for and how often he views it. But without even looking into this, he could spend a lot of his life viewing images and videos online. A Waste of a Life The time that he spends doing this is not going to be spent developing himself and he won’t be around real people either, or more to the point; he won’t be spending time with a real woman. So, instead of embracing life, he is going to be sat on the sidelines instead. If he is in a relationship, he is going to be neglecting the woman in his life, and what he does online is likely to affect his ability to perform in the bedroom. He might find it hard to get an erection, along with making him bored with the normal ways of having sex. Moving Forward If a man is not in a relationship (and doesn’t even spend time with real women), it is going to be in his best interest to gradually wean himself of this kind of material. Additionally, it might be a good idea for him to look into what he can do to attract a real woman. On the other hand, if a man is in a relationship, looking into what made him look towards this kind of material to begin with might help. Through doing this and getting the help that he needs, it can allow hiding to improve his relationship and to focus on other areas of his life. An Empty Existence Ultimately, if a man is straight he is going to want to be with a woman, and this need is not going to be met by watching videos and seeing pictures. This is no different to how a man’s nutritional needs are not going to be met by watching videos or viewing pictures of food. The only thing that will take place is that he will end up feeling frustrated and drained and, as times passes; he will gradually start to die. When it comes to videos of women having sex with other men or pictures of half naked women, he is also likely to end up feeling frustrated and drained. A Slow Death That’s not to say that a man will end up dying through living in this way, but he is unlikely to feel fully alive either. By spending so much time watching videos and looking at pictures, he could have become disconnected from his body. Therefore, he nay may no longer be a human being who experiences life for himself; he could have become a voyeur. A real relationship with women will have been replaced by virtual relationships. A Loss of Motivation So, as viewing this kind of material is only going to cause their brain to release certain chemicals and it won’t actually meet their needs, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel drained. One way of looking at it would be to say that they will be eating food, but it will be food that has no nutritional value. If they masturbate a lot, they may even find that their testosterone is not as high as it could be and that they struggle with self-control. He will be running on empty, which will be partly why he will find it hard to change his behaviour. The Right Protection It would be easy to blame porn and the women who reveal parts of their body for a living, but what this would do is overlook what would cause a man to be drawn to this kind of material to begin with. This is not to say that porn is neutral and should be available to people of all ages, far from it. It might be a good idea if it was only available after someone got to a certain age, with this being a time when had developed the ability to think about the consequences that viewing it would have on their life and after they had been given the right guidance by the people around them. Once the foundations have been laid, they would be less likely to be drawn to this kind of material and if they were, they would have the tools to get themselves back on track. A Closer Look If the focus is only on the damage that this kind of material can do and not on what would cause a man to be drawn to it, it would be easy to see him as a victim. It would then not be possible for him to change his life, and this means that every man on the planet would just be a few clicks away from being hooked on this material. When a man views this type of material, it is likely to be a way for him to emotionally soothe himself. What this can then show is that he is unable to handle his own emotions and that he doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out towards others. The Issue At the root of this can be a fear of intimacy; the man can have a fear of revealing himself to women (and people in general). This could be the result of what took place during the beginning of his life. He may have been brought up by caregivers who told him directly (by what they said) and indirectly (by how they behaved) that there was something wrong with him and they might not have been emotionally available. This would have caused him to believe that he was worthless and unlovable, and stopped him from being able to develop the ability to handle his own emotions. Conclusion If this was the case, his early years would have set him up to be someone who would be drawn to this material. He would be too shamed to open up to anyone and his emotions would be a problem, which is why watching videos and images may seem like the only option he has to manage how he feels. It will be essential for a man to reach out for the right support if he can relate to this. Working with a therapist or a healer, for instance, will give him the opportunity to work through the pain that is within him and to gradually transform his life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Ever since I wrote the articles, ‘My Healing Technique Is The Only One That Works!’ and ‘Every Healer Has issues!’, I have been reflecting on the kind of experiences I have had on the courses that I have done. There were times when I was in a desperate position and this meant that my thinking brain wasn’t online.
I was in a lot of pain and my life wasn’t very fulfilling, so I was happy to invest my time and money on this area of my life. This was a time when it was as if the lights weren’t on and I was trying to find something in the dark; the trouble was, I didn’t really know what I needed or what I was going to do. The Answer However, if I came across something that went into how I could get just everything I wanted without much effort, I was happy to take the next step. I was one side of the spectrum and I wanted to go to the other, and certain products that were on offer seemed to be what would allow this to take place. I ended up buying a few different things online, but I mainly spent money on books that I thought would assist me. After a while, I started to find out about different courses that I could do, and this seemed to be what I was looking for. Pulled In There was a course that would take place on a weekend that really interested me, and I thought that my life would really change if I did it. This was largely due to what was said in the write up. I did a few of these courses and while I learned a lot and had fun, my life didn’t really change. If anything, doing these courses just pumped me up a bit and decorated the false-self that I had formed. Back Again A little while after this, I heard about another course that would be taking place near to me, and the write up for this course went even further than the last one. Doing this course would allow me to heal trauma and to transform my life. If I wasn’t in a desperate position (and my critical thinking skills were more developed), I may have believed it was too good to be true and moved on. I ended up taking the next step and, once it was over, I ended up feeling let down – it was as though I had been deceived. A New Outlook Since then, I haven’t been on another course; I have preferred to work with people on a one-to-one basis. When I did a course, I often ended up working with people who were in a similar position to me, and I thought that this was not what I paid money for. But with this minor detail aside, the main issue I have with these kinds of courses is that so much is often promised and yet so little is actually delivered. It can be as though a weekend healing course (or a longer course) will change everything, and from my experience, I would say that this rarely takes place. A Process Healing trauma and working through pain is not something that takes place overnight; it takes patience and persistence. And even if someone does experience a big shift on a course, what they had been doing before they even got there is likely to have played a big part. Now, this is not to say that all courses are equal or that some healers are not more capable than others; there is no doubt that there are courses that are far more effective than others when it come so healing trauma and that there are some incredibly gifted healers out there. Final Thoughts Writing a flashy write up is easier for some people than it is for others, and there are people who are better at marketing than others, but this is all immaterial at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter how flash someone appears to be on a website, for instance; what really matters is what they can actually offer. As I looked back on my own experiences, I must say that I don’t regret doing any of the courses I have done. If I hadn’t done them, I wouldn’t have been able to write this article and I would have missed out on the chance to meet a number of great people.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A few days ago I watched a short video about someone who lived a very lonely existence even though they were extremely popular. On the outside, they looked happy and as though they were connected to life, but when they were by themselves, they felt unhappy and disconnected.
The image that this person presented to the world was then in stark contrast to how they felt on the inside. I wasn’t surprised by what I saw, though; if anything, I thought that this was a common occurrence. Two Sides There is how someone comes across and then there is what is going on internally, and while there might not be much of a difference, these two parts can have very little in common. When these two parts have very little in common, it will be as though one is wearing a mask. Through wearing this mask, they can come across as though they are happy and that their life is perfect. But if they were to take this mask of and revealed their true feelings, it would become clear that how they come across is nothing more than an illusion. A Performance When they are around others this mask will probably just appear, causing them to take on a certain role; it is then not going to be something that they will need to think about. One is then going to be nothing more than an actor as opposed to an authentic human being. Their true feelings will be kept at bay and a lot of the people they come into contact with will be none the wiser. It is then going to be unlikely that they will ever win an Oscar, but their performances might be worthy of one – or a number of them. Back To Reality When they are in their own company and away from others, what they have kept at bay could end up coming flooding in. They will have needed to use a lot of energy to keep their true feelings at bay, too. Their inner world is then going to overwhelm them; it could be as though they are drowning in their own emotions. What they need to do at this point is to reach out for support and not to tolerate how they feel, or even worse, to harm themselves in some way. What Is Going On? As this person knows so many people, it can be hard to comprehend why they don’t just reach out to someone. Thanks to modern day technology, it is not as though this would take much effort. The reason they don’t do this, and suffer in silence, can be because they are carrying a lot of shame. This shame will have caused them to believe that they are a deeply flawed human being and that if anyone was to realise this, it would cause them to be rejected and then abandoned. It’s Like Acid They are then not going to experience shame from time to time; it will be something that has permeated their whole being. This will be what causes them to wear a mask, and it will be incredibly difficult for them to feel good about themselves. So, in the same way that hot water will destroy ice; too much shame will erode someone’s self of self. The shame that is within them, along with the beliefs that go with it, will have formed an internal barrier that separates them from others. The False-Self Wearing a mask will allow them to form surface level connections with people, but what it won’t do is to allow them to get close to anyone. They can then know hundreds of people (and have thousands of ‘friends’ online), but they won’t be able to truly connect to anyone. Their need to deeply connect with their fellow human beings will have to be ignored all the while the strongest part of them feels as though they are a deeply flawed human being. This part of them will be in control of how they see themselves and their behaviour. Final Thoughts If someone is in this position, it is going to be vital for them to reach out for the right support. A therapist or a healer, for instance, won’t see them as a flawed human being, but as someone who doesn’t have anything wrong with them. I would say that due to how obsessed the modern day world is with appearances and looking good, it shows how much shame is being carried by humanity at this time. This also shows how common it is for people to not have the ability to repair their shame, which is what happens when someone can regulate their own shame and thereby stop it from completely taking over.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Whole TV series have been made about people who are unable to let go of anything, with some of these people finding it hard to get out of their own house. In this case, they will have an incredible amount of stuff in their house.
And the fact that TV programs have been created around this topic shows how common it is for people to hoard things. But while some people live in houses where they find it hard to move, there are going to be others who haven’t gone this far. Stuff Everywhere Even so, they might live in a house that is full of pictures and ornaments, with their not being a plain wall in sight. When I have watched parts of these programs or been into houses where there is a lot of stuff, I’ve often wondered how anyone could live in this way. I find that it is a bit overwhelming to be somewhere that is full of so much stuff, and when every wall is covered, I have found it hard to think clearly. What is going on around me ends up filling my mind. The Whole Idea However, what came to mind was that if someone doesn’t want to think and they want to be distracted from themselves, this is going to be the perfect environment to live in. Their mind will end up being distracted by what is going on around them. Their stuff is then there to keep what is going on within them at bay, and this is no different to what takes place when someone has a drinking problem, for instance. It’s a bit like how a cork will stop the liquid in a bottle from coming out. Holding On Therefore, the more stuff they have around them the better; if they started to get rid of their stuff, they might soon come into contact with parts of themselves that they haven’t come into contact with for many, many years. If they were to let go one thing, or a number of things, they could feel as though they are losing a part of themselves. In reality, they will probably have been reminded of a time in their life when they experienced loss, and the grief that they experienced during this time will have been brought to the surface. But as they are unable to realise what has taken place, they will believe that letting go of something physical is what has caused them to experience pain – when it will have simply triggered what was already there. Trying To Fill a Hole Deep down they can feel empty and the stuff that they surround themselves with will allow them to feel whole. Thus, the last thing they will want to do is to face this pain, and this is then why they will come up with all kinds of reasons as to why they need it. One thing they may say is that “they might need it in the future” and this is something that can be hard to deny. What this can also show is a lack of trust in the universe, as they are holding on out of the fear that what they need won’t be provided for them when they need it. Final Thoughts I would say that holding onto things we don’t need is a great way to stop ourselves from being able to grow emotionally and being able to move forward in life. The stuff that we own can either aid us or it can hold us back.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
During my early years when I was being hit, put down and neglected, I didn’t know what was going on. The people who had brought me into the world were not behaving in a way that showed me I could trust them; they were behaving in a way that showed me I couldn’t trust them.
This was not something that went through my mind at this stage of my life, of course; nonetheless, deep down I knew that this was the case. There was not a lot that I could do though; I was a depended child after all. A Mask I ended up turning into someone who did what they could to please others, with this being a way for me to protect myself. If I didn’t behave in this way, the chances of be being harmed in some way were high. Still, doing what I could to please my family didn’t always work; at times, it was as though my very existence was a problem. What this also meant was that I lost touch with my true needs and feelings. One First Step The years went by, but even though I didn’t have a strong connection with myself, what I did have was a strong curiosity and the hunger to understand myself. I felt lost and I wanted to find out what was going on, why I was experiencing life as I was. So, when I started to read my first self-help book in 2003, it was as though I was receiving something that I had been craving for many, many years. Once I had finished this book, I wanted to know more. The Damage had been done Many years had passed since I was hit and the verbal abuse had settled down, but it didn’t really matter. What had taken place in the past had caused me to create a false-self and to carry a lot of pain within me. Reading this book was then the first step of a journey that would allow me to get in touch with my true-self and to work through the pain that was within me. What it also did was give me a new way of looking at life and myself. A Different Outlook When one of my parents behaved in a way that was abusive, the words ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’ would often come to mind. This was a saying that I had heard a number of years before and it didn’t really mean anything. Yet, due to my own growth and development, it was something that had a big effect on me. This is not to say that their behaviour no longer affected me, as there were times when it did; when it didn’t, I could see that they were not aware of what they were doing and this stopped me from getting caught up in what had happened. An Inner Change When I was caught up in my own pain and unable to step back from what was taking place, I ended up being consumed by anger and hate. Rising above their behaviour and seeing the bigger picture was then replaced with the desire to experience revenge. It was then as though I was fighting fire with fire, and this caused me to behave in an unconscious manner. After I had settled down, I would often think about how I had behaved and how I would try to behave differently next time. Final Thoughts From what I can tell, this saying has its roots in Christianity, but this is not something that really matters to me. I believe that this is a powerful saying, so I couldn’t care less where it comes from. I’m not religious, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to disregard something just because it has come from a religion. You may find that this saying helps you rise above behaviour that is harmful or destructive, stopping you from being drawn in by it and losing your presence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The other day I saw a picture of a woman’s face on social media and this picture had received a fair amount ‘likes’. That wasn’t it though, as she had received a number of positive comments.
One of these comments went into how good she looked and there were others that went even further, calling her “beautiful”. I thought that this woman must have appreciated all this positive feedback. A Mask Nevertheless, this wasn’t just a normal picture; this woman was wearing a fair amount of makeup. I started to think about if this woman could actually accept these compliments, or if they only went in so far. The reason for this is that the makeup had covered up her face, meaning that these people couldn’t see her real face. It made me wonder if deep down, she wondered if her real face would receive the same feedback or if it was good enough. A Natural Reaction This is then similar to how someone famous can be told how great they are and this can make them feel good. Yet, what they could think about is if these people would be saying the same thing if they were not famous. In the first case, these people can’t see what she really looks like and, in the second, these people don’t know who the person really is; the only thing they can see is what they have projected onto them. In reality, a lot of these people won’t even care about who they are behind the role that they play. Conflict So, when it comes to the woman who was wearing a lot of makeup, there will be an upside and a downside. The upside will be that it allows her to receive positive feedback; the downside is that it can cause her to believe that she doesn’t look good enough without it. This is then no different to how someone can play a role and receive positive feedback for the role that they play. They can end up being told how great and nice they are, but as they are playing a role, this feedback might not go in and they can feel like a fraud. One Area If this woman is in a relationship, her partner might not ever get to see her without makeup. She will then be with someone, but it won’t be possible for her to completely let her guard down and to connect with them. She could believe that her partner would end up losing interest if they were to see her without the mask that she wears. This is unlikely to be a very deep or fulfilling relationship. Moving On Her true-self will be covered up and her partner will only be able to get so close to her. Now, as she doesn’t feel comfortable with who she is, there is a strong chance that she will be with someone who is the same. She probably won’t be able to completely relax in their presence, and this means that her time with her partner may be more like a performance than a time where she can actually be with her partner. If she was to reveal herself and her partner lost interest, then it would show that she is with the wrong person. Final Thoughts Intimacy is not something that can be experienced if someone is wearing a mask or playing a role. Having said all this, this doesn’t mean that I believe that women shouldn’t wear makeup, far from it. In general, what I believe is that there is a time and a place for makeup, and that it is there to accentuate a woman’s features, as opposed to totally changing her appearance. Personally, if I’m attracted to a woman, I want to know who she really is - behind the makeup and the roles that she plays.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I was recently thinking about what factors play a part when it comes to what makes someone a good healer/therapist. During this time, I thought about the kind of people who I had worked with over the years.
Over the years, I have worked with numerous healers and therapists, and I would say that not one of them was the same. At the same time, while they were not all the same, most of them had a number of things in common. Empathy The first thing that I noticed was that, in general, they were very good at putting themselves in my shoes. This meant that they were willing to put their own life to one side and to connect with what was going on for me. Clearly, if someone like this is unable to empathise, they are in the wrong job. This could be seen as a foundational piece and not something that can be missing if someone is to assist others. Non-Judgement Along with this, I could talk about whatever was going on for me, or what I had been through in the past, and I wasn’t judged in any way. As a result of this, I felt as though it was safe for me to open up. If this hadn’t of taken place, I would have come to believe that I couldn’t trust them and this would have caused me keep everything to myself. I would then have made very little, if any, progress. Competence When I went into what I was going through or had been through, they were also able to understand me. It was then not that they could just put themselves in my shoes; they also knew what I was talking about. This understanding was backed up by the technique (or tools) that they had to assist me in making progress. If they had only understood me but were unable to do anything else, I wouldn’t have got very far. Complete Presence During a session, every part of them showed up, and this meant that they were able to function at their best. This allowed me to feel heard, respected and as though they valued me. If, on the other hand, they had their phone out or started talking about something unrelated, it would have been clear that they were not committed to what they were doing. Again, this would have stopped me from being able to let go and to completely show up. Reliable When I had booked an appointment, it would usually take place when it was supposed, and this is something that is essential. As there were periods when I wasn’t in a good way, I needed to know that I could rely on someone to be there for me. If they were always cancelling sessions or showing up late, it would have resulted in me experiencing even more pain. And, the fact that they showed up on the right day and at the right time showed their level of care and commitment. Final Thoughts I would say that I have been very fortunate to have worked with a number of therapists and healers who were committed to what they were doing. Perhaps this was partly due to how committed I was to my own healing; I wasn’t looking to waste time. So, if you are looking to find a healer/therapist to work with, the list above will give you a good idea of what to look out for. And, if you are already working with someone and they don’t possess all of the traits above, you may need to find someone else.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The other day I was talking to someone who spoke about what a friend of theirs had done in the past and it was clear that they hadn’t been able to move on from what had happened. A number of years had passed since that time, but it was as if it had happened the day before.
Hearing about this reminded me of the challenges I have had with my mother, and how hard it has been for me to gradually move on from what took place during my early years. It was irrelevant as to how many years had passed since that time, as I wasn’t able to simple let go and to live in the now. Trapped During the beginning of my healing journey, my mind was often consumed by what my mother had or hadn’t done. This then stopped me from being able to detach from what was taking place within me. I was often filled with anger, rage, and even hate; part of me wanted revenge. And, due to how strong this part of me was, it would take over my whole being and stop me from being able to be a conscious human being. Conflict But, although I had all this going on within me, I rarely expressed what was taking place. I was carrying a lot of trauma, which meant that I rarely felt safe enough to express my feelings. Along with this, I was often told as a child not to get angry and that it was wrong. If I did express my anger, I may have been told off or hit, and this was the last thing that I wanted to experience. Hooked There were also moments when I would feel guilty and ashamed for embracing how I felt. Nevertheless, when I did get in touch with how I felt, I would feel strong and alive, making it hard for me to see how destructive this was. It gradually became clear that this was doing me more harm than good, and this was primarily because it was perpetuating what I had been through as a child. The only way that I would be able to grow and to live in the moment was to let go. A Tough Process I would often be told that I “just needed to let go” and that writing a letter and then burning it would help, amongst other things. It was then as though this was a simple process, if only I was willing to go through with it. As time passed it became increasingly clear that this was not a mental process or something that would just happen; it was something that would taken place through facing how I felt and processing my pain. Therefore, it was primarily about me getting in touch with the pain in my body and had very little to do with my mind. At The Core I came to see that the pain in my body was keeping the past alive and stopping me from being able to live in the moment. This pain had also caused me to close my heart and this made it hard for me to experience compassion. I ended up working with a number of different therapists and healers, and I had a lot of crying to do. The crying allowed me to let go of a lot of the pain that I experienced as a child. Final Thoughts It can be easy to get caught up in what happened in the past and for our mind to hold on no matter how destructive it is. Yet, through being aware of the damage that is being done, it will be clear how important it is to let go. Ultimately, holding on only prolongs our own suffering; it doesn’t affect the person who was involved. So, if you are holding onto what happened in the past and you want to move on, reach out for the right support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I recently heard about someone whose health was not in a good way, yet this was not something that had taken place overnight. What hadn’t helped was that they had been consuming things that had harmed their body and mind.
This was something that had been going on for a number of years. So, now that they had cut back on the things that were not helping them, they needed to consume the things that were good for them and would help to repair the damage that had been done. Going Back Before all this took place, I think that this person’s partner had passed away. However, this was not something that was seen as being all that important when it came to how they had been behaving and how they were now experiencing life. When I heard about what had happened in their past, it seemed clear as to why this person was now in a bad way. I came to the conclusion that this person lost the will to live when their partner passed on. One Intention As a result of this, they had been doing what they could to slowly end their own life. Doing this directly might have been too much for them to handle, which is why it had been taking place indirectly. Along with losing the will to live, there could also feel guilty for still being alive. It is then as though they were responsible for what happen and therefore, they deserved to suffer. Looking Back Hearing about this reminded me of how I felt when my father passed on a number of years ago, and how I just about lost the will to live. There was a small part of me that wanted to be here and to carry on, but a big part of me couldn’t take any more. I had experienced a lot of loss already and this was nearly too much for me to handle. I lost a lot of motivation and didn’t really feel like doing anything, but I didn’t end up drinking or taking things that would harm me. The Key Factors What played a big part in me being able to get out of the hole that I had fallen into was that I was into self-help and had a relatively good understanding of myself. Also, I was able to detach from what was going on and I wanted to know why I had responded in this way. I ended finding an incredible book called, ‘Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart’ by Alan D. Wolfelt. This helped me to understand why I had responded in this way and what I could do rise once again. The Right Guidance I think that this shows how important it is to have the right assistance; with it, there is a way up, without it, the further down someone may go. If someone waits for this to be provided, they might not get very far. It might be necessary for them to look into what they do can do work through their grief and not to expect a doctor, for instance, to give them the assistance that they need. The book I mentioned above might be a good place to start.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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