By the time that someone gets into self-development, there is the chance that they won’t have a very good connection with themselves. What this means is that they might not have a strong connection with their true essence or their feelings.
But even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that this will be something that they are aware of. The reason for this is that this could be how their life has been for a very long time. One Focus This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever experience feelings, though, as there could be moments when the feel overwhelmed. Still, their feelings could generally be seen as a problem, with them being something that they want to remove. Furthermore, they may have a strong need to be more confident and capable, so that they can achieve their goals. Thanks to coming across self-development, then, they will find a number of ways to change their current circumstances. Different Tools When it comes to their feelings that are often out of control, they may be told that this will change when they learn how to ‘manage’ their thoughts. Therefore, once they master their mind, their feelings will be under control. As for their confidence and seeing themselves as capable, this could be seen as something that will occur if they use certain affirmations and have the right thoughts. Changing what is taking place in their mind is going to be the answer to their problems. One Direction Through applying what they learn, and doing this on a consistent basis, they may find that their life gradually begins to change. They can go from feeling as though they have no control over their feelings or their life, to feeling as though they have control over their feelings and their life. This may also allow them to lead a life that is fulfilling, which will mean that their life will have taken a dramatic turn. Then again, what they may find is that they get a sense that something isn’t right. An Empty Existence If this is what does happen, it can seem strange given how much they wanted to experience life in this way. However, the reason why their life is not fulfilling could be because their life doesn’t reflect their true essence. Instead, it could simply reflect their need for approval and to be accepted by others. Their mind is then going to be an expression of their false-self or their ego, not who they truly are at a deeper level. To Be Expected Considering that they were already out of touch with themselves and this gap was made even wider due to what they have added to their mind since they have been into self-development, it could be said that this is not much of a surprise. If anything, what they are going through is perfectly normal. Ultimately, they will be living on the surface of themselves, having very little connection with what is taking place in their body. The only way that they will be able to connect to their true-self is if they reconnect to their body. A New Outlook Although they may believe that it is all about their mind and that their thoughts create their feelings, this is not the truth. Having this will view will have most likely caused them to repress their feelings. This may have been something that they did long before they got into self-development, with this simply being a continuation of what already took place. More feelings will have built-up in their body and they will have become even more estranged from this part of them in the process. A Reintroduction When it comes to closing the gap between their mind and their body, it will be essential for them to reconnect to their feelings. Their body will be another part of them, being just under their head, but it may seem as though it is a millions miles away. The reason for this is that it could be incredibly difficult for them to connect to their feelings and needs. This disconnection won’t have taken place overnight, so it won’t disappear overnight either. The Foundations Were Laid If self-development caused them to become even more estranged from themselves, what got the ball rolling, so to speak, could have been what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they had no choice but to lose touch with their body. At this stage of their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Leaving their body would have been a way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed by pain, with them having no other option. A Natural Reaction Without a strong connection to their body, it would have been easy for them to accept that their thoughts always created their feelings. Their body could have just been seen as something that carried their head. To see this part of them as an area where they not only experience feelings, but where feelings are also stored wouldn’t have made any sense. Their mind - a very small part of them - would have been seen as having a bigger affect on their life than their body - the part of them where their unconscious mind is located. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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For some people, being in a relationship with someone who is unreliable, unpredictable and who has the need to keep them on edge and in a place of uncertainty is not going to interest them. If they were in this position, it might only be a matter of time before they walk away.
Being with someone like this is then going to be like offering dark chocolate to someone who can’t stand the stuff; it will repel them. A quick decision will be made, allowing them to walk away. Been There, Done That Someone like this may have been with a number of people in the past who were not mentally and emotionally healthy. Thanks to this, it might not take them long to realise if another person is like this. As a result, it might not take them long to see if another person is healthy, preventing them from getting into a relationship with someone who isn’t. Perhaps they have had to do a lot of work on themselves to get to this point. A Conscious Process If this is the case, they won’t have just lost the desire to be with someone like this; it will be something that has taken a fair amount of time and effort. Perhaps one came to see that they were not randomly ending up with people like this, and that they were playing a part in what was taking place. It would have then been clear that they were the common denominator, not simply an observer of what was taking place. Getting to this point may have hurt their ego in the short-term, but it would have benefitted their true-self in the long-term. A Challenge What may have made this process harder than it needed to be was the kind of feedback that they received from their friends and family. These people may have told them they were basically just a victim, playing no part in what took place. If this was the case and they had gone along with this view, it would have stopped them from being able to move forward. Instead, the people ‘out there’ would have needed to change, thereby stopping them from being able to do anything about this area of their life. Another Experience On the other hand, there are going to be people who are not interested in these types of people either, yet they haven’t been able to go to the next stage. Someone like this may have just been in a relationship that was anything but healthy. Now that they are single, they may feel as though they need a fair amount of time to recover from everything that they have been through. Nonetheless, they may find that part of them still craves the person they were with. A Strange Scenario This might not be the first time this has taken place either, with them having this experience whenever they have broken up with someone like this. Part of them is then going to know that their ex was not healthy, yet another part of them will want to be with them. If they are aware of this and don’t get drawn in, they will be able to do make sure that they don’t get back with them. But, if the part of them that wants to get back with their ex is really strong, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they return. Confusion If this didn’t take place and they were to end up with someone who is not emotionally unpredictable, they may find that they end up feeling bored. They will then have what they want - someone who is reliable, consistent and is not interested in playing games, for instance – and they won’t be able to embrace them. Before this took place they may have said to themselves that they want someone who is different and they may have told their friends the same thing. It can then be hard for them to comprehend why they feel this way. A Deeper Look Based on how someone like this experiences life, it is going to be clear that they are experiencing a fair amount of inner conflict. If their inner world was more harmonious, there would be no need for them to want to be with someone who is not good for them. The small part of them that doesn’t want to be with someone like this is going to be cast aside by the bigger part of them that does. What this can show is that being with someone like this is familiar and is therefore associated as what is safe at a deeper level. A Dysfunctional Association When one is in a relationship with someone who is all over the place and they never know where they stand with them, they may find that this gives them a high. This can be due to the adrenalin that is released within them, with them being in fight or flight mode. This adrenalin is going to make them feel alive, and it will be something that their brain and body craves. At a deeper level, then, experiencing adrenalin and feeling on edge is going to be what is associated as love. Back In Time It may seem strange as to why someone would have this association; after all, this is not what love is. What this can show is that their early years were a time when they lived in an environment that wasn’t safe. Perhaps one of their caregivers abused them in some way, which would have meant that it would have been normal for them to be in fight or light mode and for their system to be flooded with adrenalin. Having these experiences would have traumatised their being, yet what they went through would have come to be associated as what is familiar to their unconscious mind. To this part of them, what is familiar is what is associated as safe, irrespective of whether or not it is healthy or unhealthy. Awareness Recreating what they experienced as a child in their adult years will also be a way for them to resolve what took place. Nevertheless, the only way that this will take place is if one is able to connect the dots, so to speak, and to work through their inner wounds. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Reconfiguring their being won’t happen overnight, but it will happen if they reach out the help that they need and don’t give up on themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A lot has been said over the years about how important it is for someone to make sure that they don’t just put anything into their mouth. A common phrase is ‘you are what you eat’.
What these messages can do is cause someone to believe that is that the only thing they need to think about is what they put into their mouth. Everything else is then going to pale in significance. It’s Clear There is no doubt that it is a good idea for someone to be mindful when it comes to what they put into their body. Simply putting anything into their mouth is unlikely to do them any favours in the long run. Eating just about anything might not affect them if they are at the beginning of their life, but they might end up paying the price as time goes by. So, in the same way that a car needs the right fuel to run at its best, a human being also needs the right food to run at their best. One Part Nonetheless, while there is no denying how essential it is for someone to consume the right food, this is not the only thing that they need to pay attention to. There are so many other things that have an effect on them. For example, what can’t be overlooked is the information that enters their mind and the people who they spend time with. The information what they consume will have a massive effect on how they perceive the world and how they feel, and the company that they keep will also heavily influence how they see themselves and how they feel, amongst other things. Lopsided Ergo, if someone is very careful when it comes to what goes into their mouth, but they are not as careful when it comes to the information that enters their mind or who they spend their time with, they are going to undermine thesmevles. In a way, it will be as if they are eating a spoon full of vegetables, followed by a spoon full of hydrogenated fat. They could believe that they are living in the right way, and the people in their life could admire them, yet they will be consuming a lot of things that are not good for them. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it will be similar to taking all the ‘right’ supplements, only to eat unhealthy food. Final Thoughts Eating the right food is then just one part of the equation - someone also needs to take in the right information and to be around people who nourish their being. If they open their mind up to anything and spent time around people who have a toxic energy for instance, it won’t matter how nutritious their diet is. What one could do is take step back and look into each area of their life. This will give them the chance to see what areas of their life are serving them and what areas of their life need a tune up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wanted to get an idea of what it is like to experience adrenalin, they could imagine what it would be like if ten people were running after them. Not only will their body be in fight or flight mode, they will also experience a surge of energy and feel alive.
What plays a part in all this is the dopamine that is released, which is known as the ‘feel-good hormone’. Therefore, although experiencing adrenalin will give someone a high, it will also cause them to experience a fair amount of tension. A Closer Look When adrenalin kicks in, someone’s heart rate is likely increase and their blood pressure is likely to go up, too. The energy boost that they get is then not going to come without a cost. Another thing that will be secreted is cortisol, and this something that can have a negative effect on their whole being; that’s if too much or too little is released over a long period of time. What is clear is that a fair amount will be released when they are experiencing an adrenalin rush. Neutral With this in mind, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that adrenalin is good and neither would it be right to say that it is bad. It would be more accurate to say that experiencing too much of it is not a good thing, while not experiencing it at all is not good either. If someone’s day-to-day life is typically filled with moments where they experience adrenalin, it could show that they live a very stressful life. On the other hand, if they can’t remember when they last experienced adrenalin, it could show that they rarely do anything exciting. Always On the Go When it comes to the former, someone could be in a position where they are practically always busy. The job that they have could be very stressful, with them working in an environment where there is a lot of pressure on them to get everything right. Perhaps they are expected to do more than their fair share, meaning that they need all this extra energy in order to get the job done. And even when they are not at work, it could be more or less impossible for them to relax. Hooked Still, even though living in this way is going to take its toll on their being, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. Due to how long their life has been this way for, it might not even stand out. There could be plenty of other people in their life who live in the same way, thereby stopping them from taking a step back and reflecting on how they experience life. Nonetheless, there could still be moments in their life when they complain about what is taking place, but this will be as far as it will go. Another Area If they are in an intimate relationship, this could be another part of their life that is anything but peaceful. There could be arguments and fights, and they may even be with someone who is abusive. In a way, it will be as if they are constantly running on a treadmill; running one mile after another, never getting off to take a break. At this point in time their health may appear to be fine, but as time passes, it may gradually deteriorate. Time for an Adventure When it comes to the latter, someone could lead a life that is very peaceful yet it could lack that spark. Adding moments to it where they experience adrenalin could lead to some unforgettable moments. This doesn’t mean that they have to jump out of an airplane as there are plenty of other things that they can do that are not as extreme. What this can also do is give them a greater appreciation of the peace and tranquillity that they usually experience. A Strong Attachment Now, if someone who is used to experiencing a lot of adrenalin was to experience life differently, they may end up feeling bored. Due to how long their life has been this way, they won’t be able to handle a life without so much stimulation. What they are hooked on will be having a negative effect on their health, but it will be something that they crave. At the same time, experiencing life differently could cause them to feel very extremely uncomfortable. Avoidance What this could illustrate is that they are carrying a fair amount of trauma and adrenalin allows them to keep it out of their conscious awareness. Deep down, they may feel as though their life is under threat. Slowing down and no longer experiencing so much adrenalin can then be seen as something that would put their life at risk. One is then going to be doing everything that they can to avoid a threat that no longer exists. Back In Time During their early years, they may have been brought in a very dysfunctional environment; an environment where it felt as though their life was constantly under threat. This would have been a time when they were in fight or flight mode on a regular basis, meaning that it would have been normal for them to experience high levels of adrenalin. The years would then have passed, but unconsciously, they will still believe that they need to defend themselves against an external threat. Without realising it, staying busy and living a highly stressful life will be a way for them to stop themselves from feeling defenceless and as though their life is going to end. And, thanks to how they felt throughout their early years, living on edge is also going to feel comfortable. Experiencing life in this way will be familiar and what is familiar is what is classed as safe to their unconscious mind. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they no longer want to live in this way, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. It will most likely be essential for them to work through the trauma that is within them, so that their body and brain no longer crave so much adrenalin. Once they no longer feel as though their life is under threat or feel comfortable living on edge, it will be a lot easier for them to settle down.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One thing that is often said by people in the self-development world is that it is important not to care about what other people think. This is not the only area where this is said, though, as there are plenty of pages on social media where quotes are shared that have the same message.
Taking this into account, it is likely to be a big surprise if someone hasn’t come across these words or words that have the same meaning at least once. And if someone hasn’t heard this from these two sources, they may have heard it from a friend or a family member, for instance. Important Words What is clear is that if someone does care about what other people think, it is going to be a challenge for them to express themselves. Before they do, they will need to get permission from others. Their true-self is then going to be watered down and it could be said that they will live a ‘half-life’. The fact is that there are always going to be some people who are not on board with how they behave and won’t agree with how they want to live their life. Part of Life However, just because another person doesn’t agree with how they behave or is unable to support their vision, it doesn’t mean that they should throw the towel in, so to speak. Ultimately, they are not here to please other people; they are here to live a life that matches up with who they truly are. If they allow other people to define how they live their life, they are simply giving their power, and their life, away. Living this way will fill them with regrets and they will end up living a life that is not really worth living. Easier Said Than Done But, while the above is perfectly clear to anyone who has thought about this, it doesn’t mean that it is easy for someone to no longer care about what others think. If it was, there would be no reason for them to care about what other people think to begin with. If someone was to imagine themselves behaving in a certain way, they might end up experiencing a fair amount of discomfort. One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they need to learn how to ‘manage’ their thoughts. It’s all About the Mind Once they are able to get their mind under control, they will be able to live their own life. At the same time, what this could show this that they are carrying a fair amount of trauma that needs to be resolved. Playing around with their mind is then not going to be the answer; what they will need to do is to work through the trauma that is in their body and brain. As this is dealt with, their mind should settle down and there will be less need for them to worry about what others think. Final Thoughts The mind receives a lot of attention when it comes to self-development, but this part of someone only plays a small part in why they behave the way they do. What is taking place at a deeper level, their body, has a far greater affect. If someone finds it hard to express who they are, they may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to process the pain that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone believes that they are not enough, it can end up having a big affect on just about every area of their life. One area in particular that this can impact is their romantic relationships.
However, just because someone has this view of themselves, it doesn’t mean that they are aware of it. This is one of the reasons why not everyone who has this view of themselves is going to behave in the same way. One Experience If this is something that one is aware of, it may mean that they don’t ever bother trying to reach out to a potential mate. Due to how they feel about themselves, this will be seen as a complete waste of time. Doing this may be seen as something that would just cause them to be rejected and therefore, it wouldn’t be worth the effort. Not reaching out to someone who they are attracted to will be painful, but it won’t be as painful as what they see as the alternative. Anyone Will Do If they have been with people in the past, it doesn’t mean that they would have made the first move. Instead, the other person may have more or less made all the effort and been the one who got the ball moving, so to speak. Consequently, most, if not all, of people they have ended up with might not have been the type of people who they were fully attracted to. Most of their relationships won’t have been very fulfilling if this is the case. A Lot of Effort What they may also find, if they were to look back on how they behaved when they were in a relationship, is that they found it hard to relax and had the needs to do things. Said another way, they may have found it hard to be themselves and to just be. This would have been a way for them to try to prevent the other person from realising that they were not enough. If they had slowed down and allowed themselves to just be, a lot of fear, anxiety and shame may have come to the surface. Another Experience If, on the other hand, if this is something that one is rarely aware of, it may mean that they come across as confident and well-adjusted. From the outside, then, the average person is not going to know that the image that they present to the world has very little to do with what is actually taking place within them. This is then similar to a car that looks brand new on the outside, but on the inside, it doesn’t even have an engine. Nonetheless, someone like this will still give off certain clues that give the game away. An Act Out of their need to stop another person from seeing that they are not enough, they can do everything they can to look perfect. This can then mean that they will spend a lot of time on their appearance. Coming across as though nothing fazes them and only expressing ‘positive’ emotions may be another consequence. Though feeling imperfect and flawed deep down, going to the other extreme and being perfect, will be a way for them to avoid how they feel. A performance Through being out of touch with how they really feel and having a well very developed false-self, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to truly connect to another person. When it comes to the type of people who they end up with, they may be successful and/or very attractive. Being with someone like this will increase their value in the eyes of others and it will allow them to feel better about themselves. Their relationships are then going to be anything but deep. A Lot of Pressure Naturally, maintaining all this is going to take a lot of effort and it will be even harder for them to do this as the years go by. For one thing, their appearance will change as time goes by, making it harder for them to avoid how they feel. Unless something changes within them, their need to experience a deeper connection with another person, and people in general, is going to be overlooked. Still, something will need to happen in order to direct their attention away from the outer world and towards their inner world. A Closer Look Regardless of whether someone is in touch with this view or is rarely in touch with it, there is the chance that what is taking place within them is the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they didn’t get the love that they needed. Ergo, as opposed being shown that they were enough and were an inherently valuable person, they may have been abused and/or neglected. They may have even been told nice things by their caregiver/s but the words that came out of their mouth wouldn’t have matched up with their behaviour. A New Experience Ultimately, it is what someone’s caregiver’s did, not what they said, that had the biggest impact on them. The truth is that one is enough and parts of themselves that tell them otherwise are lying. When they realise this they will no longer need to try to prove this to others and this will allow them to express their true-self. Their need to prove that they are enough can end up being replaced by their need to connect and, if they are not enough for another person, they will be happy to move on and find someone else. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone has a sense of personal power, they will most likely feel as though they have control over their life. This doesn’t mean that everything will go how they want it to go, though; far from it.
But, even when something doesn’t go to plan, it doesn’t mean that this will cause them to feel as though they are completely powerless. When something like this takes place, it can just be seen as part of life. Moving On Through responding in this way, they will be able to let go of what took place and to move on with their life. This will stop them from pouring energy into something that they have no control over. The energy that they do have can then be directed towards what they do have control over, thereby allowing them to make progress. From the outside, it might seem as though everything always goes their way, yet this will be nothing more than an illusion. Resourceful However, even if there are moments when one ends up being wiped out and does feel as though they have no control, it might not be long until they are back on their feet. They will be able to think about the times in their life when they were not powerless and their emotional body will provide them with supportive feelings. These two parts of their being will give them the lift that they need to rise up once again and to realise how much control they do have. There may even be a number of people in their life who are also empowered, with these people being only too happy to be there for them during moments like these. Real Strength And, as they actually feel strong on the inside, there will be no need for them to control others. This is likely to be something that doesn’t interest them, with them having a clear understanding that doing so would cause them to violate others. If one was to look back on their life, they could find that they have more or less always felt this way. Therefore, apart from the odd moments when they have felt as though they had no control, feeling strong on the inside will be something that they are accustomed to. A Slow Process Then again, there may have been a time in their life when they felt anything but empowered. Thanks to how long ago this was it might be hard for them to get back in touch with how they felt, yet this won’t change the fact that their life used to be very different. If they were to come cross someone who does feel powerless, it is unlikely that it will be a challenge for them to empathise with them. Their life will have been different but they would both have experienced the same thing. Another Scenario When it comes to someone who does feel powerless and as though they have no control, their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling. For one thing, they may find that they spend a lot of time feeling down and even depressed. Getting out of bed each morning could be a challenge and, even when they do get up, they may wonder why they even bother. If they have a job, it could be something that doesn’t bring them any kind of fulfilment. A Door Mat It could be normal for the people there to walk over them and to treat them badly. Their personal relationships might not be any better either, with them having a number of people in their life who are overbearing. One could have the tendency to perceive other people as being powerful and thus, having something that they themselves doesn’t have. Other people are then going to be ‘up here’, whilst they will be ‘down here’, so to speak. Disempowered If this is so, it is not going to matter how tall another person is as they will still see them as being bigger than they are. This will show that their mind is playing tricks on them, which is why they see other people in this way. Now, if one was able to detach from how they are experience life and ended up looking into what they could do to change their life, they could be told that they need to change their thoughts and behaviour. The thoughts that are running in their mind are then going to be playing a big part in why they are unable to embrace their personal power. One Focus Dealing with what is taking place up top is going to be the priority, and one may find that it isn’t long before they are able to embrace the power that is within them. At the same time, this approach might have very little, if any, effect on them. One way of looking at this would be to say that this wouldn’t be much of a surprise, considering that a sense of personal power is not something that the mind can provide. This is something that is provided by the lower part of their body and, if this part of them is not online, their personal power won’t be available to them. A Key Area Ultimately, their mind is the part of them that has an idea and their body is the part of them that makes an idea into reality. Without the second part, an idea will remain an idea and nothing will happen. The big question is why would this part of their being not be online? The reason this part of their being is offline could be because they have experienced trauma. Way Back This could be something that they have experienced as an adult and/or it could go back to their early years. If it relates to their early years, this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. From their legs to their stomach, they could be carrying a lot of pain that is stopping them from embracing their inner power. Like a dam that is blocked, the energy that is within them won’t be able to flow properly. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Attention Seeking: Does Someone Need To Develop Their Adult Self If They Constantly Seek Attention?2/5/2019
Although attention is something that everyone needs, there are some people who need more attention than others. As a result of this, the amount of attention that will be enough for one person won’t be enough for another.
And what has made it easier for someone to receive attention is social media, with this being somewhere where someone can receive attention no matter where they are. The only thing that someone needs to do is to share picture or a video and the rest will take care of itself. Interdependent So, while someone may believe that they are ‘independent’ and, therefore, don’t need anyone else, this is nothing more than an illusion, which is why they need attention, amongst other things. In the same way that a child needs attention in order to develop a sense of self, an adult needs attention in order to maintain their sense of self. If this didn’t take place, they would be like a plant without water. The outcome of this is that they would slowly lose their sense of self and they would probably end up going mad in the process. The Evidence Is There If someone doubts that this would happen, they only need to do some research on what happens to people who end up in solitary confinement. Through being starved of human contact, along with not hearing anything, they end up going insane. The book ‘the power of others’ by Michael Bond goes into this and explains how destructive it to be deprived of human contact. This is why so much damage is done to a child if they are neglected. The Difference However, while a child will need a fair amount of attention to be able to develop in the right way, an adult shouldn’t need as much attention. The reason for this is that they should have developed a sense of self. Through having a sense of self, they should be able to handle the moments when no one is there to give them attention. During these moments, the adult part of them will be able to be there for the child part of them. Two Directions The child part of them will represent the child who they once were, with this part of them needing more attention than their adult self. Thanks to their ability to give this part of them attention, they won’t need as much attention from others. This is then similar to how, as they are an adult, they will be able to lift things by themselves, not simply relying on others to lift things for them. Being this way is likely to have a positive effect on their relationships, too. Give and Take They will need attention from the people in their life, but they won’t need so much attention from them that these people end up feeling drained by them. If this wasn’t the case, the people in their life may end up feeling drained by their neediness. Also, through needing less from others, they will be able to give more to them. The people in their life will be able to feel energised after spending time with them as opposed to feeling washed out afterwards. Another Scenario Yet, just because someone is an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will have a strong sense of self. Through being in an undeveloped state, it can mean that they will need a lot of attention from others. The adult part of them won’t be able to give the child part of them any of the attention that it needs, meaning that the child part of them will be completely reliant on other people to give them attention. What this can also illustrate is that they didn’t receive what they needed during their earlier years to develop in the right way. Two Parts The part of them that can give another part of them attention is then rarely, if ever, going to be online and the child part of them will be in a lot of pain. It is not going to matter how many years have passed since they were a child, as they will still feel like one deep down. In the same way that a child will need attention from others to know that they exist, one will also be the same. And until the adult part of them is developed, they will be totally dependent on others. An Energy Vampire If they go without the attention of others for even short period of time, they may end up feeling as though they are invisible. The people in their life could find that one takes a lot of their energy and that they receive very little in return. What is clear is that no matter how much attention they receive from others, it won’t have a lasting effect on them. There is a black hole within them that can’t be filled, and this is why the attention that they receive from others will never be enough. Awareness The black hole within them can’t be filled by receiving attention, but it can gradually be filled if they work through their inner wounds. By grieving their unmet childhood needs, their child self will need less and their adult self will get stronger in the process. Instead of feeling like a child and unconsciously seeing other people as parental figures, they will be able to mother and father themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Approval Seeking: Does Someone Need To Develop Their Adult Self If They Look To Others For Approval?1/5/2019
The great Lao Tzu once said, “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” This was something that was said many, many years ago, but it is just as relevant today.
However, while someone could read this quote and see how true it is, it doesn’t mean that it will have much of an effect on their life. One reason for this is that while they may see that their need for approval is holding them back, they might not believe that they can do anything about it. Business as Usual One can then come across this quote and agree with it, and even end up sharing online, yet that will be about as far as it will go. They will then continue to behave as they did before, with this causing them to live a life that is not very fulfilling. Instead of being able to listen to their own needs and then to go about fulfilling them, they will need to get the all-clear from others. To say that one will have to water themselves down might be an understatement. Outer-Directed It could be even worse, though, as one could be in a position where they are rarely aware of what their own needs are. Through being so concerned about what others think, they will have a very weak connection with their own inner world. Doing what other people want or what they think they want, will allow them to gain approval, but this won’t allow their heart to really sing. Still, if they are so caught up in what other people think and are living on the surface of themselves, they might not even be aware of how miserable they feel deep down. A Slave So, while they will have the ability to make their own decisions and to do what they want, they may as well be stuck in a cell. The longer this goes on for, the harder it may be for them to behave in the same way. If they are at the beginning of their life, for instance, they might not find this to be too much of a problem. On the other hand, if they are at a later stage of their life, they may be fed up with living life in this way. The Power of Pain The key, then, will be for them to make sure that they don’t do anything to remove this pain as this pain will be what allows them to change their life. This pain will give them the fuel that they need to move forward. If they were to remove this pain by taking something or drinking something, it would be harder for them to change their circumstances. The next step will be for them to look into what they can do to change their life. One Approach One could end up coming into contact with information that tells them that they need to change their thoughts and their behaviour. Altering what they believe can be another thing that is put forward. Ergo, changing what is going on up top is going to be fundamental if they no longer want to act like an extension of others. Though applying what they learn, it might only be a matter of time before their life is transformed. A Different Angle Conversely, one could across information that says that this shows that their child self is out of control and desperately needs the guidance of their adult self. Changing believes is then going to be important, but what won’t be as important is changing their thoughts or their behaviour. Another way of looking at their child self would be to say that this is their inner child; the part of them that will carry all of the pain that they experienced as a child. To say that they only have one inner child would be inaccurate, though, as they will most likely have many child parts within them. A Big Difference The adult part of them won’t need other people’s approval to survive, whilst the child part of them will. When someone’s adult self is online, this part of them will be able to give the child part of them what it needs. This is not going to be possible if ones adult self is offline or not very developed. The outcome of this is that without the ability to give the child part of them what it needs, this part of them will take over and look towards other people to do this. A Change of Focus From the outside they will look like an adult, but on the inside, they will feel like a needy child. The sooner their adult self is developed or becomes stronger, the easier it will be for them to live a fulfilling life. One will then be able to mother and father the child (children) within them and no longer look towards other people to fulfil these roles. This won’t happen overnight, of course, but it will happen. Awareness If one feels like a child and is unable to provide the child part of them wants it needs, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this will provide them with the support that they need to work through their inner wounds and, as this takes place, the adult part of them will gradually come online or become stronger. With less baggage within them, it will be easier for them to be there for their child self.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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