Thanks to modern day technology, it is extremely easy for someone to find something that will consume their attention. They no longer need to go into a crowded place or to watch TV, for instance; the only thing that they need to do is to use their device.
And, even if they only have a few minutes to spare, they could end up spending a number of hours looking at a screen. If this was to take place when they are not working, for instance, they might not mind but, if it was to happen whilst they are supposed to be working, it is going to be a problem. Wasting Time Nonetheless, even if this is something that only takes place when they are not working, it is going to stop them from doing other things. Other areas of their life are going to end up being neglected. If someone was to behave in this way for a number of months, they will spend hours of their precious life doing very little. It is going to be even worse if they were to spend year after year doing this. Irreplaceable The time that they will have spent looking at a screen having their senses stimulated (and chemicals released in their brain) will be lost forever. However, if someone is not aware of what is taking place, there is going to be no reason for them to snap out of this. They will continue to fritter their precious time away, acting as though this is a commodity that will never run out. Naturally, this kind of behaviour is going to suit the people out there who are doing everything they can to gain people’s attention. It Takes Effort In the same way that a brand new house doesn’t fall out of the sky, success is not something that falls out of the sky either. Both big and small achievements take time and, unless someone is able to focus on what truly matters, it is going to be a challenge for them to achieve anything worthwhile. Being able to focus is likely to be something that will take a little while for someone to develop, especially if they have spent a number of years being distracted by the world around them. Yet, in the same way that putting time into developing their muscles will make their life better, putting time into developing their focus muscle will have a similar impact. An Important Question One thing that someone could do is to think about what their life will be like in a few years time if they continue to spend so much of their precious time being distracted. It would be as though one has gone to sleep for a few hours, only to wake up a few years later. The years will have passed them by whilst they were sleeping, but they won’t have realised this due to being asleep. The difference here is that one won’t have been asleep; they will have merely been distracted. Inspiration Perhaps there is a certain person who one admires due to what they have achieved, with this person being seen as successful in their eyes. It is highly likely that this person has laser-like focus. What this means is that regardless of what is going on around them or even what is going on within them, they are able to block it all out. It will be as though one is in highly populated area, yet they will take themselves somewhere that is completely isolated. One Point Just like a candle would absorb their attention in a dark room, their attention will be absorbed by what truly matters. Everything else will end up falling to the wayside, being of no interest to them. Achieving their short-term as well as long-term goals is not going to be an issue for them. If someone like this was to reflect on this ability, they may find that it took them a little while to get to this point. Self-Discipline What they may have found is that they had a strong drive to change their life; this would have then been the first brick that went down, so to speak. From here, they may have come to the conclusion that they needed to let go of the things that were not serving them. Eliminating all that was not aiding their growth would have made it a lot easier for them to focus on what would assist them. There would have been what they did in each moment and what they did in general. The Power of Elimination Deciding not to have their Smartphone around when they are working on something may have been one thing that has had a big effect on their life, along with letting go of certain people who were having a destructive influence on their life. As the days and weeks went by, it would have gradually become easier for them to define what they focused on. They may have come to see how important it was for them to eat right, exercise and to get enough sleep, with this giving them the energy that they need to focus their mind. Another thing that they could be aware of is when their willpower is at its strongest and when it starts to fade, so they know when to get things done. Awareness Taking all this into account, if someone is easily distracted and they want this to change, there are a number of things that they can do. What matters is that they take the first step and don’t allow themselves to be distracted any longer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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What is ironic about the western world is that so much is said about diversity and tolerance, yet only certain views are given exposure and are seen as acceptable. One thing is then said, but what is said doesn’t reflect what is actually taking place.
This is something can be observed at different universities, with a number of these institutions encouraging conformity. The outcome of this is that someone can end up going along with what other people believe as opposed to coming to their own conclusions. Up is down and down is up So, instead of using their time at university to develop their critical thinking skills, this will be a time when this part of them will remain undeveloped. In fact, it might not even be developed to begin with. And, if someone doesn’t work on their critical thinking ability when they are here, when are they going to do it? One is then there to become more educated, but this can be a time when they will simply become more indoctrinated. Another Brick in The Wall Their need to fit in is going to be far more important than their need to grow and develop. At the same time, they can believe that they are making progress, even though they are going along to get along. Before they started university they may have questioned things, or they may have always followed the herd, so to speak. It is then going to be completely irrelevant as to whether something is accurate or true. Two Directions If they don’t behave in this way, they might soon experience a fair amount of pressure from not only their fellow students, but from a number of their lecturers. Thus, if one was to go against the grain, it might feel as though they are in a war zone. Saying something that is not seen as acceptable won’t cause them to be shot, yet something negative will take place. The only way that they will be able to stand their ground is if they were to develop a strong sense of self. Their Biggest fear What is likely to keep them in line is the fear of being ostracised by their tribe, with the tribe being their fellow students and lecturers. They might not be consciously aware of this; nonetheless, it can be what stops them from acting like an individual. Due to how strong this fear is, they might even end up shaming anyone else who does have a mind of their own. They will then do whatever they can to silence whoever has the courage that they themselves lack. Survival Mode As their need to fit in has taken over their life and is stopping them from being able to think for themselves, it is likely to show that their reptile brain is having a big effect on them. Due to how much influence this part of them is having, it is making is hard for their intellect to exert itself. This could be put down to the fact that they are in the early stages of their life, which is why they are unable to operate as a whole human being. However, if this was purely the result of where they are at in their development, it would mean that every other student would be the same. The Exception to the Rule There are bound to be a number of people who do think for themselves, being only too happy to express their views. They will only be interested in finding out what is right and what isn’t, not in doing what they can to fit in and to surrender their autonomy. Someone like this could still have a fear of being ostracised, but being rejected by their peers might not be enough to trigger this fear. The reason why there is a difference here can be the result of what happened during their early years. Two Experiences When it comes to the person who is able to stick their head above the parapet, it can show that their early years were a time when they received consistent care. This would have enabled them to develop a strong sense of self, along with the ability to regulate their own emotions. On the other hand, if someone has a strong need to fit in, it can show that their early years were a time when they received inconsistent care. This would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self, thereby preventing them from developing the ability to handle their emotions. An Anxious Attachment Style Perhaps someone like this spent a fair amount of time in day care, where they most likely wouldn’t have received the amount of attention that they needed. Or, they may have had a caregiver who was emotionally unavailable. This would have been a time in their life when they experienced a fair amount of trauma, setting them up to have a strong fear of being rejected and abandoned. As an adult, they might not be aware of what took place when they were younger, nevertheless, it will still have a big effect on their life. Conclusion Being rejected by their current tribe would trigger all the pain that they experienced when they were a powerless and dependent child. Their strong need to fit in is then not going to change unless they resolve their early wounds. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their behaviour, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
On one hand, there are people out there who don’t give a damn about what goes into their body as long as it fills them up. On the other hand, there are people out there who are very careful when it comes to what they put in their body.
When someone can relate to the former, they might find it hard to understand why anyone would be so fussy when it comes to what they eat. One thing that could cross their mind is that they are doing to die at some point, so why does it matter. A Way of Life For someone who does watch what goes into their mouth, along with how much, the outlook above is likely to be seen as careless. They are not going to deny the fact that they will die, but they will want to be able to enjoy the life that they have been given. Undoubtedly, if their body is not in a good way, they are not going to able to do this, and, they might die before their time has come. It will be perfectly clear to them that their body is the vehicle that allows them to experience life. There is Only One Unlike a car that can be replaced when it no longer works, their body won’t be able to be replaced if it is no longer working properly. So, as someone’s consciousness can’t be ‘downloaded’ into another ‘vehicle’ at this time, it will be essential for someone to treat their body with respect. In addition to how mindful they are about what they eat, they may also spend a fair amount of time each week exercising. There will be the time that they spend doing these things and there can be time they spend thinking about these two areas of their life. Balance Still, if they were to eat something that is not healthy or to skip a gym session, for stance, it doesn’t mean that they will end up verbally abusing themselves. They might feel a bit annoyed, but they could soon focus on how rarely this takes place. One is then going to be able to accept that they are an imperfect human being, meaning it is not going to be possible for them to always get everything right. Being this way is going to make it a lot easier for them to live in the moment and to actually live. Another Aspect What they might also be aware of how it is not just what they eat and what they do with their body that defines how healthy they are. How they feel, what they believe and the amount of stress that they experience could also be seen as playing a part. The good thing about being this way is that one will be less likely to try to avoid how they feel by exercising and eating certain food. If they were to do this, they might see that they are operating from a place of resistance. Out of Balance However, while there will be people who take a balanced approach when it comes to what goes into their body and what they do with their body, there are going to be others who are obsessed with this area of their life. Thus, in the same way that a new parent will need to watch their baby at all times, one will need to pay attention this area of their life at all times. And, if they happen to lose control and eat something that is seen as not being healthy or if they miss a class, for instance, they could soon end up feeling bad. It will be as though their body is incapable or liable to play up, which is why they need to constantly be on guard. Weighed Down There is a strong chance that one will experience a lot of pressure, and this pressure might end up being absorbed by their body. One can then be in a position where they are eating good food and exercising in the right way, yet they can be indirectly harming themselves. One will be acting as though what is taking place within them has no effect on their health, with their health only being influenced by what they eat and what they do with their body. Said another way, they will simply be a lump of meat and have no consciousness whatsoever. Resistance If they were to take a step back and to tune into what is taking place within them, it would give them the chance to find out what they may be trying to avoid by being obsessed with their health. This could be a time when a number of fears come up, and they may even feel extremely powerless. Regardless of what comes up, this will be what they are trying to resist by getting so caught up with their health. The trouble is that what someone tries to resist in life is what has the tendency to keep showing up. Awareness Ergo, even though they are doing something to make sure that they have good health; it is being motivated by their need to avoid bad health. It is then not going to be a surprise for someone like this to ‘just happen’ to get ill. Eating well and exercising is then all well and good as long as one is not going it in order to avoid anything. If one can relate to this, and they want to resolve what they are trying to avoid, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Why Do Some People Only Feel Good About Themselves When They're In A Relationship?28/11/2018
What one may find is that they are able to feel good themselves, even if they are not in a relationship. It will then be clear that they are not going to be dependent on anyone else in order to experience positive feelings.
Being this way is most likely going to stop them from starting a relationship with someone just because they feel down. It could be relatively easy for them to wait until they meet someone who they actually want to be with. A Different Need Therefore, if they do end up with someone, it will show that they actually want to share their life with them. Not only will there be an attraction between them, there will be the values that they have in common. This person is then going to add something to their life, just as one will add something to the other person’s life. Nonetheless, what is exchanged between them won’t be something that they should be providing to themselves. The Big Difference Ultimately, one will be behaving like an interdependent human being, as opposed to a dependent human being. There will be what they can give to themselves and there will be what they can’t. Receiving positive feedback from their partner will naturally have a nourishing effect on them. What will be different here is that the fire that is burning within them won’t go out if this person was to disappear. An Analogy One way to understand this would be to imagine that one had a dog before they met this person, they will have a dog when they are with them, and they will have a dog if it comes to an end. This dog will be treated differently throughout these different stages, but it will still be there. Their self-worth could take a slight dip if their relationship was to come to an end, but it might not be long until it rises up once again. They are then not going to end up hating themselves at this point. A Balanced Human Being In a way, their level of self-worth will serve a as safety net that will stop them from hitting rock bottom if their relationship comes to an end. They will be far more resilient than they would be otherwise. It may have taken them a number of years to get to this point in their own development. For most of their life, they may have been reliant on someone else; lacking the ability to experience positive feelings. A Different Scenario If, on the other hand, one finds that they are unable to feel good about themselves unless they are in a relationship, it is likely to show that they are emotionally dependent on other people when it comes to experiencing positive feelings. Now, someone like this could end up with just about anyone, or they might be far more selective. Either way, they are bound to end up putting a fair amount of pressure on another person to make them feel good. Needy Without realising it, one can view the other person as a parental figure. One will then be a child who is missing something and their partner will be an adult who is there to provide what they are messing. One of the things that will cause one to do what they can do keep the relationship going, will be the fear of what will happen if the relationship was to come to an end. The most important thing, then, is going to be for them to make sure that they are not single. A Big Effect Unlike the person above, one will have a dog when they are in a relationship but they won’t have had one before and they certainly won’t have one after. Being in a relationship is not going to turn up the good feelings that they already experience; it will cause them to experience feelings that they don’t usually experience. And, as they don’t usually experience these feelings, it is going to be normal for them to become dependent on their partner. This person will be seen as the source of these good feelings. A Long Way Down Therefore, if this person was to end the relationship, one is likely to end up feeling very low. To compensate for this, they could end up eating/drinking too much, or they could find someone else to plug the hole that has opened up within them. If one was to look back on their life, they may find that they have always found it hard to feel good about themselves. What this may illustrate is that their younger years were a time when they didn’t receive the type of care that they need to develop in the right way. Awareness In other words, they may have been abused and/or neglected when they were younger. The most important thing now, though, is that they do something about what is taking place. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to heal themselves. It all starts with them taking the first step and not giving up on themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is often believed that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts. Thus, if someone wants to change how they feel, it will be essential for them to change the thoughts that are running through their head.
The reason this is widely believed is partly due to the self-development industry, with their being hundreds, if not thousands, of books that espouse this view. Thanks to this information, people from all over the world now believe this. The Observer So, if someone wants to feel good, or even if they simply want to feel more at peace, it will be clear what they need to do. The first step might be for them to gradually detach from what is taking place inside their head. From here, they will have the opportunity to decide whether or not they will get caught up in a thought that arises. In addition to this, they can start to define what thoughts they have, which will allow them to experience ‘positive’ feelings. Black and White This is then going to be a pretty straight forward process, something that just about anyone can follow. Through using the willpower that is at their disposal, it will only be a matter of time before they will have mastered their emotions. There is the chance that this will be something that will take a matter of months, not days; but it will happen as long as one keeps going and doesn’t give up. This can be seen as a masculine approach, as one will be using a lot of force. An Analogy One way of looking at this would be to imagine that someone is trying to dig a small tree up. In the beginning, the tree won’t move but as long as they keep digging, the tree will begin to move. Each shovel of dirt that they remove will bring them closer to their end goal; being able to get the tree out of the ground. They will be using their strength in order to achieve their desired outcome. Intense Pressure Although there may be people out there who can change their feelings by changing their thoughts, there are going to be others who are unable to do so. Yet, if they believe that their thoughts create their feelings, they can come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with them. Unlike the people who are able to do this, it can be as if they are weak and incapable, lacking what is necessary to get their feelings under control. This could be something that has more of a negative effect on someone if they are a man, too. An Identity For example, a man could believe that he needs to come cross as a strong, which is not going to happen if he can’t manage his feelings. As a result of not being able to do this, he could end up feeling even worse than he already does. Needing to come across as strong and having it all together could also stop him from reaching out for support. He is then not going to be in a good way, but he will end up suffering in silence. Another Outlook In reality, the view that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts is a half-truth. There is no doubt that someone’s thoughts play a part in how they feel, yet it is not as simple as this. Not only is information going down, it is also going up; in other words, this is a two way process. Their thoughts can influence how they feel, just as their feelings can influence what they think. The Activator Let’s say that someone a carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; what is taking place in their head can bring this pain up to the surface. In this case, their thoughts have merely triggered what is already within them. The pain that is within them could relate to a traumatic experience in their life, or a number of experiences that left a mark on their brain and body. Through carrying so much pain, it can be more or less impossible for them to control their feelings through changing their thoughts. All at Sea This is then going to be the difference between one being in the middle of a bath and being in the middle of the ocean. It will be possible for them to stabilize the water in the bath, but they won’t be able to stabilize the water in the ocean. What this will show is that they are carrying a lot of pain, pain that needs to be resolved. This is going to stop them from being able to regulate how they feel, and this proves that there is something wrong with their inner world, not that they are weak. Awareness If another person does say that they are weak, this person might also be just as ‘weak’ if they were carrying trauma. It is going to be vital for someone to reach out for external support if they are carrying trauma. Suffering in silence is not the answer; this will only cause them to feel even worse as time goes by. This support can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone drinks a lot or takes a lot drugs, they can soon be labelled as having a problem. However, if on the other hand, someone has the tendency to work a lot, they can be seen as a model citizen.
It is then as though there is nothing wrong with working at lot, as it is something that is inherently positive. In reality, working too much can be just as destructive to someone’s wellbeing. Hidden In Plain Sight Therefore, unlike the other things that are often spoken about as being ‘bad’, this is something that is rarely spoken about it the same vein. Consequently, it can be far less likely for someone in this position to change their behaviour. Firstly, other people are less likely to notice that something is wrong and, secondly, someone is likely to believe that they are living in the right way. The chance of them doing anything differently is then extremely low. Always On the Go When someone experiences life in this way, they are likely to be always doing something. Irrespective of what day it is or what time of the year it is, they may find that there is something that they need to be doing. So, even if it is a time of the year when a lot of people are off work, it won’t be possible for them to stop working. And, even if they do take time off, their body could be tense and their mind could be somewhere else. One Experience Someone like this could work for a big corporation, meaning that they will have a fair amount of influence and control. Thanks to the speed at which change takes place in today’s age, they will no doubt have a lot to do. It could be a challenge for them to get enough sleep most nights, with their not being enough hours in the day for them to get things done. Once their head does hit the pillow, they could start to think about all the things that they haven’t done. Another Experience Conversely, someone might not work in this kind of environment, but they could be very much into self-development. Therefore, their job might not take up all their time; what will take up most of their time is trying to improve themselves. They could spend a lot of time going on different courses, along with taking different classes each week. This might be backed up by all the books that they read and the audio courses that they listen to. Carving a Statue Someone could believe that they are making themselves better by engaging in all these different activities. Each thing that they do is then going to enable them to become a better human being. Yet, like the person above, they probably won’t be able to sit back and to smell the roses. There is always going to be something that they need to work on and develop, taking away their ability to live in the now and to appreciate what they have already achieved. One Step Too Far Regardless of whether someone works a lot or spends a lot of time trying to develop themselves, there could be moments in their life when they end up hitting rock bottom. Said another way, they will have simply burnt themselves out. One moment they will be full of force, while at another moment they might not be able to force themselves out of bed. The willpower that they had will have deserted them, and this can also be a time when they will end up verbally abusing themselves. A Vulnerable Position Their inner critic could end up rearing its head, seeing this is the perfect time to lay into them. This part of them can tell them how incapable they are, treating them as though they have no value. If one is completely identified with this part of them, and is unable to see that it is simply an intruder, they are likely to feel even worse. What they may do is feel the need to get themselves back on their feet in order to get away from this voice. The Main Motivator This can show that the reason why they work so much or are always trying to develop themselves, is due to the fact that they don’t feel good enough. What they are doing is then being motivated by their need to feel as though they are enough. The trouble is that as what is taking place within them hasn’t changed, it is not possible for them to take their foot of the gas and to slow down. They are then trying to fill the hole that is within them. Going Back In Time What is taking place within them could be the result of what has taken place in their adult years, or it could go back to what occurred during their early years. Perhaps this was a time in their life when they had at least one caregiver who was very critical, being only too happy to put them down. These messages would have gradually been absorbed, forming their inner critic and defining how they came to see themselves. With this in mind, it shows that they don’t believe that they are not good enough because this is the truth; it is because of what they internalised at a young age. Awareness Ultimately, they are inherently good enough; what they do, or don’t do, doesn’t change this truth. For them to understand this at an emotional level, not simply at an intellectual level, they may need to heal the trauma that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Problems: Does The Need To Look Strong Stop Some Men From Reaching Out For Support?25/11/2018
Both men and women experience emotions, but it is often a lot harder for men to open up about how they feel. Now, if emotions were things that could simply be overlooked, this wouldn’t matter.
The trouble is that this is not the case, which is why it can lead to all kinds of problems when a man keeps how he feels to himself. If man was his own island, it wouldn’t be an issue if he didn’t open up. An Identity If a man does have the tendency to keep his feelings to himself, it can be a sign that looking strong is a big part of who he is. This is not to say that he spends time thinking about how he needs to look strong; this can be something that just happens. He is then not necessarily going to be consciously aware of this need, but it will be something that someone might realise if they got to know him. If he is surrounded by other men, for instance, who are the same, his behaviour is not going to stand out. The Priority Coming across as though nothing ever fazes him is will then be normal, causing certain people to believe that he is incredibly strong. It can be as if he is the walking embodiment of Zeno’s stoicism. This could mean that he comes across as the ‘alpha man’, but there is also the chance that he doesn’t fit this model. He might not be particularly popular or have lots of women around him. A Different Species Due to how unemotional he is, it could result in some people coming to the conclusion that he is from another planet. Unlike others, it will appear as though he is not affected by anything. But, beyond the mask that he typically presents to the world, will be someone who is anything but settled. Behind the image that he presents to the world could be someone who is in pain. Up To the Surface When they are in their own company, they might end up being overwhelmed by how they feel. That is, of course, unless they end up consuming things to keep how they feel at bay. Keeping this pain at pain is going to take a fair amount of energy, with this being energy that could be used more constructively. There could still be moments in their life when this approach doesn’t work, causing them to end up hitting rock bottom. A Slow Climb This could be something that lasts for a few hours or it may last for a few days. Once they are back on their feet, most likely with the help of a lot of will power, it might be business as usual. There is the chance that something like this will take place a few times a month, or it could take place far more often. For their sake, along with their friends and family, hopefully one of these occurrences won’t send them completely over the edge. A Bizarre Scenario If man is going through all this, there is a strong chance that no one in his life is even aware of how much pain he is in. This is not going to be because these people don’t give a damn about him, it will be because he hasn’t revealed what he is going through. One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that these people are not very aware; another way of looking at it would be to say that it simply shows that he is very good at deceiving others. And, if he has a strong need to look strong all the time, it is highly likely that coming across as vulnerable is something that he greatly fears. Incredibly Strong This fear will be so strong, that putting up with intense pain can be seen as something that pales in comparison to what would happen if he opened up. He will be suffering, that much is clear, but the type of suffering that he is experiencing will be seen as the lesser of two evils. What this can show is that his whole being is practically loaded with shame; opening up, and revealing what is actually going on for him, is then going to be seen as something that would cause him to be rejected and abandoned. Or to be more precise, it can be seen as something that would result in him being ostracised. Why Is This? If a man believes that he has to hide who he is and to put on an act all the time, it is likely to be due to what took place at the beginning of his life. Perhaps he was brought up in an environment where he was abused and/or neglected. As a result of what took place, it would have set him up to believe that he was inherently flawed. Therefore, as there was something wrong with his essence, he would have had no other choice than to create a false-self that would allow him to be accepted by others. Awareness If man finds that he does keep his pain to himself, it will be vital for him to reach out for external support. Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with him; this is just something that he believes. This external support can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For some men, casual sex is something that they will engage in from time to time, while there are others who only have casual sex. When it comes to the former, this could be something that takes place after a man has just been in a relationship.
Going with another woman, more or less straight after they have broken up with their girlfriend, can then be a way of them to feel better. They are then unlikely to see this woman as a potential mate. A Short-Term Option As soon as he starts to feel better about himself, he may find that he is no longer interested in this woman. This is not to say that he will be leading the woman on, though, as he might have made it clear from the outset that he is not looking for anything serious. What he has said to the woman, along with how he behaves, will then make it clear what his intentions are. The woman will then be fully on board with what is taking place, or she will be going against her true needs. Another Outcome There is, or course, even the chance that it will end up turning into more, even though this was not the intention to begin with. This could be seen as a sign that the man’s emotions are out control, which is why he is going against his true needs. Another way of looking at it would be to say that as this is a man who is used to being in a relationship; it is not a surprise that he would want more. Simply having sex with a woman is not going to be enough for him. An Empty Experience For a short while, then, having casual sex might be what feels comfortable, but, as time passes, this will start to change. So, in the same way that he might not want to eat fast food all the time, he won’t want ‘fast sex’ all the time either. Their sexual needs might be met by having casual sex, but the rest of their needs will end up being overlooked. This man may have had a fair amount of casual sex during his early years, or it might not have really interested him then either. A Very Different Experience For other man, casual sex can be the only thing that they are interested in. It is then not going to matter what a woman is like as a person, as they won’t have the need to experience anything else. When a man can relate to this, he may find that he hasn’t ever had a relationship with a woman. Or if he has, this may have been a relationship that was anything but fulfilling, taking away any desire to have another one. One Need This man could wonder why other men have relationships, believing that they are not worth the effort. He may even go farther than this and say that women are only good for one thing. Due to the fact that he only wants sex, it could show that he is not even aware of his emotional needs. If he is out of touch with the rest of his needs, there will be no reason for him to see that he is overlooking certain needs. All in It Together When it comes to the men who he spends time with, there is the chance that most of his friends are the same. Each person will then support what the other person is doing, giving them no reason to change their behaviour. Also, casual sex is a normal part of the modern day world, so there will be no need for them to believe that they are doing anything that is out of the ordinary. There are, for example, numerous dating apps that people can use to hook up with another person. A Closer Look It could be said that there are a number of reasons as to why a man would only wants to have sex and has no interest in anything else. And one of the reasons why this can take place is due to what his relationship was like with his mother at the beginning of his life. This may have been a time in his life when his mother was unable to respect his boundaries and used him to meet her own needs. A role reversal would then have taken place, with him becoming the parent and his mother becoming the child. A Surrogate Spouse His father may have been either physically or emotionally unavailable, causing his mother to look to him to fulfil her emotional needs. It wouldn’t have been possible for his mother to realise that he was not an extension of her. This would have stopped him from getting the attunement that he needed to develop boundaries and a strong sense of self. His mothers attention will have most likely caused him to feel smothered, powerless, trapped and to experience shame. A Defence How he felt at this stage of his life won’t have disappeared as the years passed; it will have stayed within him. Thus, if he was to share more than his body with a woman, and actually become emotionally attached to her, it would retrigger all these feelings. Naturally, this would cause him to feel overwhelmed, taking away his interest in sex altogether. It then won’t matter that the woman is not his mother as part of him will perceive her in this way. Awareness Their priority is going to be to stop these feeling from reappearing, setting them up to deny their need to actually connect to a woman. Thanks to how they live their live, they may rarely come into contact with how they felt as a child. If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Before a man has even got to the point where he is in a relationship with a woman, there is a strong chance that they will already be having sex. If this is not the case, it could show that he is religious.
Conversely, it could be a sign that he is more traditional and wants to take his time. Then again, he could just be someone who is not very comfortable with asserting himself, causing him to deny this part of himself. Two Parts Or, if the man is not religious or traditional, perhaps he is with someone who is religious or traditional. It is likely to work better if both of them are religious or traditional, as this will mean that they are both coming from the same place. When a man is having sex at this point, he may find that he is still able to enjoy this area of his life when he gets into a relationship with the woman. Also, as time goes by, they will have a better understanding of each other. A Stronger Bond Due to what has taken place between, they will feel more at peace in each other’s company. There is then going to be a good level of trust and respect between them, allowing them both of fully let go in each other’s presence. Both of them will know what turns the other on, making it easier for them to have fulfilling sexual experiences. This area of their life could be seen as a vital part of their relationship, with it being something that strengthens the bond that they have and brings them even closer together. Off Days Still, this doesn’t mean that the man, or even the woman, will always be in the mood to make love. Pressure from work and other commitments could weigh on their mind, taking away their sexual desire. But, after a little while they should soon find that their sexual desire returns, allowing them to get back in touch with their body and to experience pleasure once more. If something like this happens, they could find that their partner is supportive, just as they are when their partner is not in the mood. Integration The man is then going to be in touch with his body and his heart; he is then going to be operating as a whole human being. In another words, every part of him is going to be showing up. Being in a relationship with a woman is not going to cause him to lose himself or to come on too strong either. However, while there will be men who are able to show up during the early stages of meeting someone and once it develops into a relationship, there will be other men who are able to do so. A Different Story A man can then meet a woman and end up having sex with her as times goes by, but, as soon as things get serious, he can end up losing interest in sex. He can go from someone who has a high sex drive and finds it easy to get an erection, to someone who has no sex drive and can’t get an erection. It will be as if he loved a certain meal at one point in time, only to be completely turned off by it at another. Just as he might find this strange, he may also struggle to understand why he has shut down. Two Problems There can then be the anxiety and even shame that he experiences, and there can be what the woman goes through. The man could start to fear that he will end up being rejected or seen as being weak. The woman, on the other hand, could come to believe that the man is no longer attracted to her, causing her to feel rejected and even worthless. Yet, if the man hasn’t revealed what has taken place and the woman hasn’t realised what is going on, he may resort to using alcohol or different substances to get himself in the mood. What’s going on? Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that he is simply under a lot of stress at this time in his life and that this will soon pass. It will then be essential for him to find a way to de-stress, so that he can enjoy sex again. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason he has shut down is due to the effect that getting close to a woman has had on him. Getting close to a woman may have brought up to the surface what hasn’t been resolved from his early years. Way Back This may have been a time in their life when their mother got too close to them, causing them to feel smothered and overwhelmed. Not only would this have caused them to feel violated, it would have also felt wrong at a deeper level. Their mother wouldn’t have seen them as a separate human being; instead, she would have seen him as an extension of herself. It was then not down to her to fulfil her son’s needs, it was down to her son to fulfil her needs. Reconnecting The man will then have shut down to avoid having to feel all the feelings that he experienced when his mother got too close to him. On the plus side, this will allow him to experience a sense of relief, but on the negative side, this will cause him to disconnect from himself, and, of course, it will have a negative effect on his current relationship. If he was to get back in touch with his body and to no longer feel shut down, he may end up experiencing shame and even feel nauseous. This could be followed up by feeling trapped and smothered. Awareness The years will have passed since the man was a powerless and dependent child, but the emotional experience he had as a child will have stayed within him. Ultimately, getting close to a woman will cause him to re-experience how he felt when he got close to his mother. His inner mother will need to be removed from his inner world in order for him to be able to embrace the present moment and to longer see his partner, or any other woman for that matter, as his mother. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about how their needs to be more female politicians. The view that is often put forward is that there are far too many men who hold these positions and that progress needs to be made so that the gender gap changes.
This is then something that not only lead to great equality, it will also mean that women will have far more say over what takes place in the world. Another thing that is often mentioned is that this is an area that needs to be more racially diverse. A Mixed Response There are likely to be people who are pleased with the ‘progress’ that is being made, whilst there will likely be others who believe that it is too slow. When it comes to the latter, they could believe that more needs to be done to level things up. Someone like this could believe that there are too many men in these positions and/or that there needs to be greater ethnic diversity. This could be seen as the way to make the world better. A Good Sign Through being this way, someone like this could end up feeling good when a female or someone from an ethnic minority ends up being elected. Each time this takes place, everything can be seen as going in the right direction. The key will be for more people like this to get further up the political ladder. As a child, then, they may have looked forward to opening presents on their birthday, but now they will look forward to the time of the year when there is the chance for an aforementioned person to progress. Looking Back This person could remember how they felt when Barack Obama become president for the first time, seeing this is a big milestone. They could have had a similar experience when he ended up being elected for another four years. But, while this was a good moment for them, they may lament the fact that Donald Trump stopped Hillary Clinton from becoming the first female president of America. History would have been made if it wasn’t for him. An Analogy However, just because it is believed that the world would be better if the people in the political realm were more diverse, it doesn’t mean that this is the truth. Ultimately, no matter what gender someone is or what colour their skin is, they are still going to be a human being. To say that someone will do a better job due to being a woman, for instance, is a bit like saying one car is better than another car. Both of these cars will be the same; the only difference will be that one car is red and the other car is green. Another Distraction The establishment doesn’t want people to realise that nothing ever changes, which is why they need to continually come up with ways that will give people the illusion that things are changing. So, by convincing people that everything will change if only they get more women in power, for instance, it is another way of them to keep people quiet. If someone is at the latter stages of their life, they might see through all this, being only to aware of the fact that it’s the same story no matter who is in power. Yet, if someone is fresh out of college/university, they could completely fall for this. Hardcore Programming Their time in the education system may have filled their brain with propaganda, with them internalising the religion of identity politics. Thanks to this, their ability to think clearly will have most likely have been compromised. Due to what someone like this has been told, they can believe that unlike white men, women and people from other ethnic backgrounds are different. Ergo, merely having people like this in power will lead to a better world. A Delusion In other words, white men are morally inferior, and this is why having less of them in positions of power is a good thing. The fact that all human beings are imperfect, regardless of what their gender or skin colour is is then cast to one side. Yet, even if someone hasn’t been to college/university, they can still go along with this way of looking at the world. The difference can be that they have primarily been indoctrinated by the mainstream media and social media. Plenty of Tools This is simply one of the things that the establishment is doing to keep the masses in line and to stop them from rising up. And, when people are focused purely on someone’s appearance, it can stop them from caring about what this person actually stands for. As a result of this, it can make it even easier for someone who doesn’t have their heart and mind in the right place to rise up the hierarchy. Conversely, even if a woman was to start off with good intentions, being in a corrupt environment could end up corrupting her - after all, she is only human. Conclusion Having a citizenry who are able to think critically is the last thing that the establishment want; hence why the education system typically teaches people what to think, not how to think. The education that is provided by the system is not going to offer anything that could bring the system down. Most of the things that are taught in these institutions are designed to maintain the status quo and to slowly move people in a certain direction. Identity politics is perfect for this as it is a way to keep people divided, preventing them from working together and making a significant difference. On one level, then, having more women and people from different ethnic backgrounds in positions of power is a step forward. But, on another level, it can be seen as merely another cunning tool to keep the masses distracted.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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