As a result of what is taking place in the Middle East and Ukraine, someone can often feel down and depressed. Due to this, they might not do a number of the things that they used to do before.

Quiet simply, they won’t have the desire or the energy to do a great deal. Apart from going to work, then, they might spend a lot of time at home and seldom if ever see their friends or family.

Weighed Down

Their friends and family could be concerned about their mental and emotional health, that’s if they are aware of what is going on for them. But, even if they are aware, are concerned, and have made this clear, it doesn’t mean that this has had much of an effect on them.

They might have said that they can’t just focus on their life and allow themselves to feel good whilst so many people are suffering. The idea of being happy during this time could fill them with guilt and shame.

One Outcome

If a friend has suggested that they are not helping anyone by being this way, they might have criticised them. It might have gone further than this, though, as they might have fallen out.

Their need to live in this way is then going to be so strong that they won’t be able to accept any feedback that challenges how they live their life. Along with not allowing themselves to be happy, they could do a number of things to try to help those who are suffering.

The Next Stage

As the days, weeks, and months pass, they could sink even deeper into the hole that they are in. If so, they could end up being put on medication and even think about ending their own life.

What this will illustrate is that they are unable to keep it together and in a very bad way. In this case, it will be as if others are on a ship that is sinking and they have ended up in the same position.

One Outlook

Now, regardless of whether they have arrived at this stage, it could be said that as other people are suffering, it makes sense that they wouldn’t be able to experience positive feelings. This can be seen as a normal part of being a human being who can empathise and experience compassion.

If they were not in touch with their humanity, on the other hand, it would be different. But, as they are in touch with their humanity, they are unable to simply overlook what is going on and live their life.

Another Outlook

Nonetheless, although their ability to empathise with and experience compassion for those who are in a very different position to them is a good thing, what stands out is that this is also something that is causing them to suffer. By getting into a boat that is also sinking, they won’t be able to truly help themselves let alone others.

To stay with this analogy, for them to help someone who is sinking, they need to be strong enough to rescue whoever is on the boat. Naturally, if they go from being on dry land to jumping on a sinking boat, they won’t be able to do this.

No Different

With this in mind, allowing themselves to fall into a hole because of what is taking place for others is not serving anyone. This is not to say that they need to pretend that there are no problems in the world.

No, what it means is that they can be aware of what is going on, or some of what is going on, and, at the same time, they can allow themselves to experience positive feelings. They can focus on how grateful they are for being able to live a radically different life.

Another Point

What they can also keep in mind is that by allowing themselves to fall down emotionally and for their life to fall apart in the process, they are feeding into a reality that is the opposite of what they want for themselves and others. The way for them to play their part in creating a world that is loving, peaceful, and harmonious is for them to do what they can to embody those elements.

Yet, by not doing this, they are giving their energy to the very reality that leads to more pain and suffering. In other words, and to use another analogy, it’s not possible to make water cleaner by pouring in more dirty water.

Going Deeper

If they are on board with this and have come to the conclusion that they need to be strong and an example to others, the mere thought of changing their behaviour could make them feel uncomfortable. They could be filled with guilt and shame, with them having a strong need to carry on as before.

What they may find if they were to take a step back and reflect on their life, is that they have found it hard to experience and sustain positive feelings for most of their life. This can show that, during their early years, their mother and/or father were often depressed.

Back In Time

Furthermore, their mother and/or father might have often blamed them for what was taking place in their own life. However, if they were not blamed it wouldn’t have mattered, as they were egocentric and thus, would have personalised what took place.

The outcome of this is that this would have caused them to feel responsible for their mother and/or father’s wellbeing, to feel unworthy of being happy, and to blend with their emotional state to try to be loved. This stage of their life will be in the past, but the impact that it had on them will still be affecting their life.

A Continuation

The people who they feel sorry for and have lowered their emotional state for will then, symbolically, represent their mother and/or father. Consequently, they will feel responsible for what these people are going through, which will cause them to feel uncomfortable experiencing positive feelings and their emotional state will then be very similar to the state that these people are in.

Another part of this is that their early years were a time when they didn’t develop strong boundaries. This is then why they have no sense of where they begin and end and where other people begin and end, with the outcome of this being that they feel responsible for the world.

Cleaning Up The Past

Neglecting themselves and being there for others will be something that feels comfortable. What they will need to keep in mind is that their needs are not bad or shameful; they are simply part of being an interdependent human being.

For them to no longer feel responsible for the world and to bring themselves back into balance, to feel comfortable with their needs and develop boundaries, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.  This will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

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If someone feels happy, they could soon feel uncomfortable and their inner state could change thereafter. This could be something that is the rule as opposed to the exception.

But, if this is something that is normal, it might not be something that stands out. As a result of this, they are going to find it hard to be happy but this won’t be something that they are consciously aware of.

One Step Further

Then again, they might not even allow themselves to be happy for a few seconds or minutes, as they might stop this from taking place. Their resistance to being happy is then going to be extremely strong.

This can mean that they will spend a fair amount of time feeling down and very low. Alternatively, they could spend most of their time in a fairly neutral state, neither being up nor down.

An Odd Scenario

Now, assuming that they are not aware of their resistance to being happy, they could believe that what is going on externally is the issue. So, they could think about a moment when they have been happy and what took place after.

This may have been a time when they ended up hearing about some bad news or something bad happened. After a while or almost straight away, their inner state will have been completely transformed.

A Helpless Place

Just thinking about how many times this has happened could fill them with anger and frustration. There is likely to be the impact that this has had on them being able to enjoy certain moments and on their ability to move forward in life.

Along with the impact it has had on their mood, then, they could find that just when their career is going well, something often happens that undermines all their hard work. Therefore, in this area of their life, it could often have been one step forward and two steps back.

Another Area

They might also see how they have had a number of relationships that started to fall apart just as things were starting to go well. For example, their partner might have cheated, had to move away or go off them.

Taking into account the experiences that they have had, it is not going to be a surprise if they believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. It will be as if they are being punished for no apparent reason.

Stepping Back

However, even though it may seem as though what is going on externally is the problem, there is a strong chance that there is far more to it. For them to find out why their life is the way that it is there is an exercise that they can do.

They can imagine that they live a life where they are generally happy and are living a fulfilling life. This will be a life where they are able to experience positive feelings and sustain them and are able to make progress.

Two Sides

At first, this can be a time when they will feel incredibly relieved and grateful. Finally, their life will be the way that they have wanted it to be for so long.

Yet, as time passes, they could soon feel anxious and be filled with guilt and shame. It will then be as though they have done something wrong and they are bad and thus, they are not worthy of experiencing life in this way.

Two Levels

If this is the case, they will be able to see that their life is not the way that it is solely because of what is going on ‘externally; it is primarily due to what is going on internally. What will also stand out from this is that there is what is going on for them at a conscious level and what is going on for them at an unconscious level.

By having made the unconscious conscious, they will have been able to attain the self-knowledge that they need. After realising that another part of them is holding them back and creating unnecessary hurdles in their life, they could wonder why they are this way.

Back In Time

For them to understand why they are this way, it will be a good idea for them to explore what took place during their formative years. What they may find is that this was a time when they had a parent who suffered from mood swings.

If they were not up and happy, they might have been down and sad, with there seldom being a middle ground. Most likely, how this parent behaved had nothing to do with them, but, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.

The outcome

Consequently, they would have come to believe that they were responsible for how this parent felt. Thanks to this, they would have been attuned to their moods and merged with their inner state.

Instead of being in tune with their own needs and feelings and freely expressing themselves, their priority would have been to be there for this parent. They are likely to have tried to make them happy, not expected much from them and learned that it wasn’t safe for them to experience happiness or joy.

A Big Risk

If they didn’t merge with their parent's moods, they might have been ignored and/or rejected and abandoned. And, even though they did lose themselves in their parent’s reality, this might have still taken place.

This was a stage of their life when they were powerless and totally dependent and needed to be loved, so it is to be expected that they would have ignored their needs and feelings in order to survive and to try to receive something that wasn’t available – love.

It’s over

Undoubtedly, they are no longer a child, but, a big part of them is going to be anchored to this stage of their life. To this part of them, pleasing this parent and hiding themselves will be the only way for them to survive.

This parent will also be projected into other people, too, which will cause them to automatically act in the same way around them as they did around their parent as a child. It is for this reason that it won’t matter if this parent is still alive as it is what is going on for them internally that is defining how they behave.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

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Oliver JR Cooper
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In general, someone can come across as happy or at the very least, as though everything is fine. Due to this, the people in their life could describe them as a ‘happy person’, and, because of this, they might feel uplifted after they have spent time in their presence.

However, while this is how they might typically come across, it doesn’t mean that this is a reflection of how they truly feel. Still, they might not even be aware of how they truly feel and so if how they come across rarely matches up with what is going on for them, it won’t stand out.

The Norm

It might be hard to understand how they could come across in a way that doesn’t reflect how they feel and not be aware of it. Yet, if they have been this way for a very long time, there will be no reason for it to stand out.
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This will just be what is normal; thereby preventing them from being able to see what is actually going on. For them to be able to see clearly, something dramatic might need to take place.

For Example

Considering this, if they were able to see how the face that they show seldom matches up with how they feel, it could show that they have experienced something fairly stressful. Perhaps they have had a breakup or lost their job, for instance.

Due to this, a lot of painful feelings could enter their conscious awareness. As a result of this, it is likely to be a lot harder for them to display a happy face and come across as if everything is fine.

Holding On

Out of their need to come across in the same way though, they could find that they are still unable to be real. Without even trying to hide how they feel, they could keep what is going on for them hidden.

Maintaining this act is going to take a lot of their energy and as they are not in a good way, they are unlikely to have a lot to spare. Right now, they will need to open up about what is going on so that they can receive the support that they need from their friends and family.

Confusion

As they have the need to behave in the same way, they could wonder why they can’t just open up about how they really feel.  Now, if they were to imagine dropping their act and expressing what is going on for them, this could be a time when they experience fear and anxiety.

After this, they could find that they expect to be rejected and abandoned. Naturally, if they feel as though they are going to die if they don’t hide their feelings that reflect the ‘negative’ side of the emotional spectrum and express their need for support; it is not going to be a surprise that they hide certain parts of themselves.

A Strange Scenario

As things stand, then, they are going to believe that they will only be accepted and survive if they play a role and don’t have needs. Being this way is going to stop them from deeply connecting with others and cause them to suffer in silence.

Therefore, the sooner they are able to open up, the less alone they will feel and the sooner their suffering can come to an end. When it comes to why they behave in this way, it could be due to what took place during their formative years.

Back in Time

This may have been a time when they had at least one parent who was unable to truly be there for them and accept them as they were. Consequently, they would have been forced to adapt to their parent’s needs and hide certain parts of themselves in order to be accepted and, perhaps, not isolated.

If they were sad or down and needed love and care, they might have ended up being criticised, ignored and left. On the other hand, if they created the impression that they were fine and didn’t need anything, they might have been fine.

A Natural Consequence

Being treated in this way would have caused them to believe that certain parts of themselves were not acceptable and were something to be ashamed of. Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they won’t believe that they will be accepted, loved or survive if they express their true self.

For them to know at the core of their being that they can express their true self and be accepted, loved, and survive, they are likely to have emotional wounds to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk

What someone may find, if they were to reflect on their life is that it is incredibly difficult for them to be truly happy. In general, this can be seen as something that is just outside of their reach.

And, if they are happy, it might not be long until they go back to how they were before. Due to how rarely they feel happy, then, it might often be a challenge for them to embrace the moments when they do feel happy.

Resistance

The reason for this is that they could be focused on the fact that based on past experiences, this won’t be something that lasts. So, to avoid going up and then coming back down soon after, they could do their best to not be too absorbed in what is going on for them.

Now, this won’t allow them to make the most of what is taking place but it will stop them from having to go through the pain of rising up and then coming down before long. Still, living in this way will still cause them to experience pain; it will just be more manageable.

The Meaning

If they were to talk about what it means for them to be happy, they are likely to say that it is more than just feeling good. For them, it could also relate to being able to make progress and feel good about their life.

With this in mind, it could be as though there is someone or something ‘out there’ that is holding them back. They could believe that they are doing all the right things, yet this won’t allow them to live a fulfilling life.

A Low Place

Thanks to how they typically experience life, they could often feel down and depressed. At times, they could feel like a victim and wonder if they have the will to carry on living.

If there are people in their life who are generally happy and are able to move forward, they could believe that these people have something that they themselves don’t have. They will be like a car that is able to seamlessly go from one destination to another, whilst they will be like a car that is constantly breaking down.

A Block

If it was put forward to them that their life is this way due to what is taking place inside them, they could find it hard to accept. As far as they are concerned, they will want to be happy and to move forward.

Even if they were to reflect on this, they might not be able to see how they are playing a part in what is going on. They could say that they desperately want their life to change, so it is not possible that they are holding themselves back.

Two Levels

What needs to be acknowledged at this point is that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. Therefore, while the former can want one thing, the latter can want something else entirely.

Considering this, there is a strong chance that these two parts of their being are not on the same page, so to speak. If they were, there would be no reason for them to experience life in this way; their life would reflect what their conscious mind wants.

Confusion

In order for them to understand why this other part of their being, a part that has a far great impact on their life than their conscious mind, is not in harmony with the rest of them, they will need to look back on their life. The stage of their life that is likely to be the most important is their childhood years.

If they were able to connect to what this stage of their life was like, it might soon become clear why they sabotage their own happiness and fulfilment. This will be a time when they are able to connect the dots.

Going Deeper

What they may see is that they were brought up by a mother who wasn’t very emotionally stable or happy and this would have meant they had to walk on eggshells. Tuning into her needs would then have been their priority and they would have done their best to please her, losing touch with themselves and being deprived of the emotional nutrients that they needed in the process.

This probably would have meant that they automatically mirrored her mood and did their best not to be happy. If they were happy or joyful, their mother may have withdrawn her love from them and made it clear that, both directly and indirectly, that this would cause them to be isolated.

A Brutal Time

A stage of their life when they needed their mother’s love to be able to grow and develop would have been a time when they had to act like a parent and abandon themselves. The attention and acceptance that they did receive would have been for the false self that they were forced to develop to survive; it wouldn’t have been for who they really were – their true self.

Most likely, they were often rejected and abandoned and ended up being isolated for not doing what their deeply wounded mother wanted. At other moments, this is likely to have taken place even though they did do what she wanted.

The Wound

If this or something similar is what happened, being happy and moving forward is likely to be seen as something that would cause them to be abandoned, alone and for their life to come to an end. Ultimately, what they fear will happen, will be what has already happened, not just once but many, many times throughout their early years.

What they will really fear is coming into contact with the pain that they experienced when this did take place. To handle this stage of their life they would have had to repress this pain; they had no other option.

Awareness

To freely express themselves and to raise both their happiness and success set point, they will most likely need to work through this pain; pain that is now held in their unconscious mind/body. This is unlikely to happen overnight but the sooner they start, the sooner their life will change.

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk

When one is happy, they can feel the need to share how they feel with others, and this can take place in a number of ways. Perhaps one will be more complimentary than they usually are.

It can then be normal for them to say how good someone looks, or they might talk about how they appreciate what they do for them. They may even focus on a certain trait that they have and tell them how important this is.

Good Vibes

Yet even if these kinds of things didn’t take place, they could still have a positive effect on others. This is because other people could simply enjoy being in their presence; with them being able to soak up their positive energy,

Through spending time with them, someone could end up feeling a whole lot better about themselves. Or, they could just find that they add to how they already feel, and this will mean that they won’t take anything away from them.

The Opposite Effect

But while there will be a number of people who are drawn to their energy, there can be others who won’t be. Instead, they can feel repelled by how they come across, and this can then cause them to want to get away.

This could be a sign that they don’t feel very good, and by seeing someone who does, it can make them feel angry. How one comes across can remind one of how bad they feel at this moment in their life.

One Step Further

And although one can make the people around feel better without even trying, they can also extend themselves even further. One could feel the need to do some kind of volunteering or to give money to charity, for instance.

Therefore, it won’t be necessary for someone to be in their local environment in order to benefit from how one feels. This could be how one generally feels, or it could only be something they experience from time to time.

The Other Side

When they don’t feel this way, they might be able to cover up how they feel, and this will typically stop other people from realising what is taking place within them. As a result of this, one is going to have a positive effect on others no matter how they feel.

At the same time, it could be relatively easy for other people to know when their inner world has changed. This can then give other people the opportunity to see if they can do anything to help.

Covered Up

If they cover up how they feel, it may be due to them wanting to sort things out for themselves. One is then not going to want other people to give them sympathy; they will simply want to move forward.

Alternatively, this could show that they don’t feel comfortable showing how they feel, and their behaviour is then motivated by their need to protect themselves. One could then ignore how they feel and pretend that everything is fine.

On Show

When one reveals how they feel, it could be a sign that they want other people to give them attention. But if this is not the case, it could just show that they are comfortable showing how they feel.

In this case, one is not trying to gain attention; they are just embracing how they feel. This doesn’t mean that they will reveal how they feel to anyone, as this could just occur around the people they are close to.

Assistance

One may find that they feel better about themselves and that they are able to take the next step through being around people who take the time to listen to what they are going though. It is the not that they want someone to do anything, it is just that they want them to be there for them.

This is likely to be a lot healthier than if they were to hold in how they feel and to pretend that everything is fine. And through doing this, one is going to be taking responsibility for what is taking place within them.

A Negative Effect

If someone was to feel drained or low after one opened up about what is going on for them, it is not going to be one’s fault. This can show that they ended up absorbing how one felt, as opposed to one going out their way to cause them harm.

However, although one can own how they feel and deal with it themselves or show how they feel with someone they trust, they can also go out of their way to cause harm. As they are suffering, they are going to do what they can to make sure other people suffer too.

Criticism

This is then going to mean that one won’t own what is taking place within them; they will end up putting other people down. Through doing this, it will give them a momentary release, and one can then feel good about themselves for a short-time.

The trouble is that while this will change their mood, it won’t have a positive effect on their relationships. It could end up pushing people away, or the people who do stay around them could end up feeling bad about themselves.

Stuck

This might also make it harder for them to improve their life, and this is down to the fact that they will be wasting their energy. Putting other people can change how they feel, but it is unlikely to improve their circumstances.

Awareness
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If one can relate to this and they want to change their behaviour, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them to chance to improve their self-awareness to develop the ability to contain how they feel.

They could also be carrying toxic shame, and this will be something that plays a part in their tendency to put other people down. As if they were to change how they feel about themselves, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t need to behave in the same way.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If one was to find people who are still at school and to ask them what they want out of life, a number of them may say that they want to be happy. And even if someone as to say that they want to do well in a certain career, it could still be because this can be seen as something that will lead to the same outcome.

The Same Answer

Along with this, one is also likely to find that people who are lot older have the same desire. If this is not the case, it can be a sign that they are already happy, and this is then not going to be something they desire.

Even so, if one was to go and find these people at another point in time, they might not be experiencing life in the same way. As a result of this, they could be consumed by their need to experience life differently.
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Pleasure

It is not going to be hard for one to work out why someone would have this need; in fact, they might have it themselves. When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and this is going to cause them to experience pleasure.

One could believe that they have two options; either they are happy or they are unhappy. Their life is then going to be based around pleasure or it will be based around pain.

One Option

Thus, it is going to be normal for them to want to do everything they can to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. As far as they are concerned, the purpose of life itself could be to be happy.

It will then be necessary for them to do everything they can to avoid being unhappy and the pain that this will create. Now, if one is at the beginning of their life, they could be more invested in this outlook.

The Reason

This can be due to them not having the same amount of life experience as someone who is older, and this can cause them to be more naive. They are less likely to have had the kind of experiences that will cause them to question how they believe their life should be.

On the other hand, if one was older they could see that life doesn’t always go to plan, and that it’s not possible to always be happy. One way of looking at it would be to say that when one is younger they will be idealistic and when they are older they will be realistic.

A Time and Place

Still, there is clearly a time and a place for both ways of looking at life, and even though someone who is older could be more realistic this is not always going to be the case.  Instead, one could be at the beginning of their life and they may have had a number of different experiences.

It then won’t matter how old they are, as the experiences they have had will have opened their eyes to the world. And if they have a strong need to be happy, it could mean that what they have gone through hasn’t been very pleasant.

Holding On

If one is a fully grown adult, the kinds of experiences they have had are not going to have stopped them from wanting to be happy. What they have gone through is then not going to make them question if they can attain this goal; it will simply make them try even harder.

But if they do have moments when they begin to doubt if they can fulfil this need, it could be covered up. What is taking place within them is then going to end up being ignored and their need to be happy will soon take precedence.

Happiness

It is then not just that one wants to be happy, it is that this is something that is incredibly important. One will then be doing the right thing by allowing this to be something that consumes their whole life.

That is unless they are able to experience happiness, and then they will be able to settle down and enjoy what is taking place. At the same time, this could be a time where they will be thinking about how long it will last.

Pressure

Therefore, out of their need to try and control what is taking place, they can end up missing out on the very thing they desire. If they were to detach from what is taking place in their mind, it would allow them to embrace the present moment.

Yet even when they have the desire to be happy, this can also stop them from being able to be happy.  On one side, they will be avoiding the present moment, and on the other, they will have the need to do something.

Resistance

What is taking place in their life can then be harder for them to handle, as they will have the need to experience life differently. If they were able to surrender, they may find that they start to feel different.

And as they believe that they should be happy, they can feel like a failure if they are unhappy. They may find that they start to experience life differently if they were let go of this need.

A  Different Purpose

One may find that they will have a more fulfilling life let go of the need to be happy all the time and to focus on living a purposeful life instead. This won’t allow them to always feel good, but what it will do is give them something far more substantial.

There will be good moments and bad moments, and this will be a lot easier to handle when one is doing what matters to them. By doing what gives their life meaning, they might even let go of the need to be happy all the time.

Awareness

If one has the need to be happy all the time, it can be a sign that they find it hard to tolerate ‘negative’ emotions. It can then be necessary for them to develop the ability to regulate how they feel, and this is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

In today’s world, it is not uncommon for people to look for advice on how to be happy. In fact, it could be said that some people see this as being the purpose of life, and as a result of this, it is not going to be something that they can simply overlook.

In The Past

Fortunately, there is no shortage when it comes to what one can do in order to fulfil this need. This primarily comes down to the internet, and this is where one will be able to find out about all kinds of answers.

But while this is the case, it wasn’t like this before the internet was available, and this meant that it was harder to get hold on this kind of information. Still, as it is easier to get hold of, it could be said that this has may have played a part in their desire to be happy.

Human Nature

On one side, there is the need to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and so this will have played a part in one wanting to be happy. And on the other side, there can be the need to be happy all the time.

The former can be seen as something one was born with, and the latter can be seen as something they have picked up during their time on this planet. Wanting to be happy in life is not going to be the same as always wanting to be happy.

A Common Outlook

For example, if one was to go online, there are likely to come across information that talks about how they can be happy all the time. Through hearing this, it could have an effect on what they believe is possible.

Instead of just wanting to be happy in life, this could be seen as something that is no longer good enough; what will then be good enough will be being happy all the time. And unless they are able to achieve this, they could end up feeling hopeless.

Different Perspectives

If one wants to be happy in life, it could be said that they want to live a fulfilling life; whereas if they want to be happy to all the time, it could be said that they just want to feel good. In the first case, they are unlikely to be happy all the time, but it is likely to mean is that they will live a life of purpose.

In the second case, they are likely to end up having more ‘positive’ feelings, but they could be out of touch with their purpose. Nevertheless, they could believe that their purpose is to experience life from one side of the emotional spectrum.

The Contrast

If one wanted to be happy in life and they were to achieve this outcome, it is going to mean that there will be moments when they are happy and moments when they are not happy. But through being able to experience life in this way, it will give them a greater appreciation of life.

The kind of depth that they experience will be out of reach for someone who ends up being happy all the time. Through being in a positive state, one will soon get used to how they feel and it will then start to lose its effect.

Down

However, if one is in a position where they are not happy in life, this is not going to something they think about. Their main priority will be to feel better and what happens down the line will be the least of their worries.

And if one wants to live a more fulfilling life, they could also be in a vulnerable position. This could mean that they won’t have the ability to think clearly, and this can make them an easy target.

Reaching Out

When one looks for information on how to be happy, they could end up being drawn to certain people. These could be people who present themselves as being an expert on how to be happy, or they could just appear to have it all together, so to speak.

So based on how they come across, one will come to the conclusion that they have the answers. Their critical faculties could then be out of action and everything they hear or read about will go right in.

Appearance

Along with being happy, these people could also be incredibly attractive; with their face and body being something to behold. This is not to say that one will need to zoom into their body, as they could be wearing clothes that reveal their physique.

And through being in awe of their appearance, it could be said that it will be normal for them to go along with what they have to say. In fact, one could even end up putting them on a pedestal.

Stepping Back

One way of looking at this would be to say that these people are happy and so there is no reason why one wouldn’t pay attention to what they have to say. Another way of looking at it would be to say that these kinds of people don’t experience life in the same way that most people do.

This will be an outlook that is even more relevant when it comes to attractive women, as this is because it will be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others. And based on the kind of feedback that these people generally get from others, it is going to be a lot easier for them to be happy.

A Different Reality

Due to what they look like, it is not going to take a lot of effort for them to get their needs met, and as a result of this, it can be as if they live on a different planet. It can easier for them to attract the kind of partner they want, and it can allow them to progress faster in their career.
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Also, through using social media, they can receive positive feedback from others without needing to be around people. Approval from others is then always at hand and this is going to have a positive effect on them.

Conclusion
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Now, this is not to say that one shouldn’t listen to what they have to say, or that they are always happy; what it comes down to is that their appearance will have an effect on how they experience life. Yet even though someone can be attractive, they can still be deeply unhappy and extremely insecure.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If one felt guilty whenever they consumed a certain type of food, it is going to be hard for them to enjoy eating it. On one hand, they might continue to eat it and put up with how they feel, and on the other hand, it might cause them to stop eating something altogether.

This could be a sign that one is on some kind of diet, and in order for them to reach a specific target, they are going to need to stay away from certain foods. It could also come down to the fact that one has been told not to eat something for health reasons.

A Positive Effect

In this case, it could be said that it is good that one feels guilty as it will encourage them to stay on track; whereas if they didn’t feel guilty, they might find it harder to eat the right food. As a result of this, it could take them ever longer to reach their ideal weight, or their health could get even worse, for instance.

However, in one felt guilty whenever they consume something that isn’t bad for them, it is going to have a negative effect on their life. They are going to feel as though they are doing something wrong, and there is no reason for them to feel this way.

A Small Problem

But while this might have an effect on them when they think about eating something and once they have eaten something, it is unlikely to stop them from being able to enjoy life in general. They should still be able to carry on with the rest of their life.

For one thing, there is a strong chance that they will be able to find something else to eat, and this might not only be as healthy, it could taste just as good. This also means that one should still be able to feel happy.

A Completely Different Experience

However, if one feels guilty whenever they feel happy, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy life. One could work hard to achieve something, and once they have achieved it, they might not allow themselves to enjoy it.

One could then wonder why they work so hard to achieve things, but at the same time; this doesn’t mean they will simply give up altogether. Once they have achieved something, they could soon move onto something else.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, one could stop themselves from achieving anything as a way to avoid feeling guilty. While this is going to mean that one will have to put their goals to one side, it will stop them from feeling as though they have done something wrong.

This shows that although this will cause them pain, it won’t be as strong as the pain they would feel if they were to experience life differently. The way for them to keep their guilt in check will be to stop themselves from growing and to sabotage their life.

External Support

If one is still able to experience achieve things, the people around them might find it hard to understand why they come across as they do. They might say that they deserve to be happy, and that there is no reason why they should feel guilty.

Yet, even though one might hear this from the people they are close to, it doesn’t mean it will change how they feel. One might also find it hard to understand why they feel the way they do.
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Normal

This could be how one has always experienced life, and in this case, it is going to be a normal part of their life. However, there is also the chance that one only started to experience life in this way after something happened.

Based on what their life was like at one point in time, it might have been possible for them to be happy from time to time. But as they started to experience success, they may have started to struggle.

Reaching Out

Nevertheless, regardless of how long they have been in this position for, it will be important for them to reach out for support. This could mean that one will go onto a search engine and read up on this subject, or they might just go out and buy a book.

Another approach would be for them to look for a therapist that understands what they are going through. And while they will want to move forward, they might also wonder why they are experiencing life in this way.

One Reason

They might be asked about their childhood, and this is because what took place during these years may be the reason why they feel guilty for being happy. Perhaps one had a parent who was rarely happy or suffered in some way.

If one was happy, they might not have felt safe; therefore, in order for them to be approved of, they may have had to stop themselves from being happy. At this time, one wouldn’t have thought about how this would affect their life as an adult; their focus would have been on doing what they could to survive.

One Approach

As one’s thought play a part in how they feel, one option would be to change what is taking place in their mind. Their thinking patterns will then change and this could then have an effect on how they feel.
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Along with changing what it taking place in their mind, it might also be important for one to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is because what is taking place in one’s body can influence what is taking place in their mind.

Holding On

After one has changed what is taking place in their head and released what had built up in their body, they may find that they no longer feel guilty for being happy. However, there is also the chance that they will still feel the same.

When this happens, it could be a sign that one is holding on out of their need to be loyal to their family. The child part of them can hold onto how they feel, and if they were to let go, it could be seen as an act of betrayal.

Loyalty

What this comes down to is that what doesn’t get dealt with in one generation can get passed onto the next. And in order to bring balance to the family system, one may have taken on board problems that didn’t belong to them.

It might be hard to understand why this would take place, and this is why it is important to  remember that how one perceives life now would not have been the same as how they would have perceive it during their early years. Through being given life, they would have felt the need to give something in return.

Awareness

The purpose would then be to change what someone in their family couldn’t change, but as it doesn’t belong to them, it is not going to be possible for them to do this. This is why they will need to try another approach.

One way one can let go of what isn’t theirs will be to have a family constellation. This is something that can take place in a workshop or through a one-to-one session.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ ​​​​

If someone is into self-development, they may have the need to be happy all the time. However, even if this is not something they are into, they may still have the same need.

In this case, they may believe that this is the how they are supposed to experience life, and through having this outlook, they have been drawn to self-development. This could be seen as something that will allow them to fulfil this need.

Feeling Good

When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and as a result of this, it is going to be easier for them to enjoy life. Therefore, it could be seen as normal for one to have the desire to always experience life in this way.

They may find that when they are happy, they act in ways that are productive, whereas, when they are unhappy, they may act in ways that are not.  This will mean that not only does their state of mind change, their behaviour also changes.

Feeling Bad

During the moments when they feel bad, they may end up doing things that are harmful, and this is going to give them a greater need to be happy. This might be seen as the only way for them to put an end to their destructive behaviour.

It will then be important for them to take control of how they feel and to make sure they only expedience one side of the emotional spectrum. The other side will be seen as having no part to play in their life.

In The Beginning

If one wants to be happy all the time and they start to read books on self-development, for instance, they may come to believe that positive thinking and affirmations are the answer. Taking control of their mind is then going to be important, and they might not feel the need to do anything else.

They might also end up exercising on a regular basis and look at how they hold themselves. Through exercising, their body will release endorphins and this will cause them to feel good, and through holding themselves in the right way, it will give them the chance to change how they feel.

Approval

These are just some of the approaches that one can engage in, and there are many others. If they apply a few of these options or even a number of them, they may start to feel happier, and it might also be possible for them to sustain how they feel.

As a result of this, the people around them may start to show them approval, and this could make them feel even better about themselves. One reason why they offer their approval could be because they want to experience life in the same way.

Advice

It might not be long until people start to ask for their advice, and after one tells them what they do, the other person might also end up experiencing life in the same way. In fact, one might go a step further and start to tech others people how to be happy all the time.

However, there is also the chance that one will find it hard to continually feel happy, and this is because challenges are part of life. Having said that, one might just continue to feel happy and to not let anything affect how they feel.

Out of Balance

But even if one is able to maintain how they feel and doesn’t allow themselves to feel unhappy, it doesn’t mean they are not going to experience problems further down the line. The reason for this is that there is a time to be happy and a time to be unhappy, and if one doesn’t embrace both sides, they are going to be out of balance.

If one was happy all the time, they would start to get used to it, and this is because it is only through being able to be unhappy that being happy has any meaning. This is similar to how if the sun was always shining, people would just take it for granted.

Feedback

In addition to this, one’s feelings are also there to give them feedback, and this means they are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Therefore, one will need to pay attention to how they feel and not overlook what is taking place within them.

If they simply cover up how they feel in order to ‘feel good’, their life could end up getting even worse as time passes, and this means they could have more reasons to ‘feel bad’. One might be experiencing ‘positive’ thoughts and feelings, but beyond these inner processes, their life could be in a complete mess.

Decisions

For example, it is often said that people shouldn’t make decisions when they are happy, and this is because it is not always possible for them to think straight. This is similar to how one is unlikely to be in a position to make a big decision when they are drunk.

Emotional Regulation

It could be said that the ideal will be for one to be in a position where they can embrace how they feel as opposed to having the need to always feel a certain way. As a result of this, it will then be possible for them to use their feelings as feedback.

Through being able to regulate how they feel, they won’t have the need to always feel good. This will also mean that it is possible for them to contain their emotions.

Emotional Strength

However, if one doesn’t have the ability to contain and regulate their own emotions, they are likely to have a greater need to feel good. When they don’t feel good, they are not going to be able to deal with how they feel, and their feelings are then going to define them.

It can then be normal for them to believe that the answer to their problem is to feel good all the time. It then won’t matter that they can’t contain and regulate how they feel, and this is because they won’t need to.

The Reason

When one doesn’t have the emotional strength to contain and regulate their emotions, it could be a sign that they were brought up by people who were emotionally unavailable.  Through not receiving the attunement they needed to develop this part of themselves, they would have been overwhelmed whenever they experienced ‘negative’ feelings

The only alternative would have been for them to disconnect from these kinds of feelings, and while this would have been better than the other option, it would set them up to experience problems later on. One can then carry a lot of emotional pain, and while this can result in physical problems, it can also set them up to project their ‘dark side’ onto others.

Awareness

In order for one to develop their ability to contain and regulate their emotions, it will be important for them to reach out for the right assistance.  This is likely to be a time where one will need to work through the pain that is within them and receive the attunement that they missed out on all those years ago.

As this takes place, there is a strong chance that one will develop their emotional strength. This is kind of support can be provided by a therapist. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article. 

Oliver JR Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

What makes one person happy is not necessarily going to be the same as what makes another person happy, but while their requirements may be different, they both have the need to be happy. This is something that most people on the planet want to experience; with their being many ways in which one can experience happiness.

However, even though this is what people want, it doesn’t mean they are able to fulfil this need. There are going to be some people who are generally able to fulfil this need, and then there are going to be others who are unable to do so.

Complete Fulfilment

One reason for this could come down to the fact that they are doing the wrong things. In their mind, happiness may be something that occurs when they have everything they want.

It might be possible for them to attain certain things, but there are likely to be things that are going to remain out of their reach. When this happens, one could blame the external world and end up feeling like a victim.

Another Outlook

If they were to talk to someone else about what has been taking place in their life, they might end up being supported. The other person could say that only some people can have what they want and that life is not fair.

Yet, one could also meet someone who says that it’s not possible for one to always have what they want. They might say that one should feel happy with what they have and not expect so much.

Contentment

Once they stop focusing on what they don’t have and start to appreciate what they do have, their life will being to change. In this case, one is being encouraged to let go of their desire to have everything and to come to a place of acceptance.

Through being grateful for what they have as opposed to being frustrated with what they don’t have, one will be able to experience contentment. One may get the impression that this means they should no longer want anything.

A Bit of Both

The other person may say that it is not that one should no longer want things, but that they should appreciate what they have whilst having the need to have more. Through having this outlook, one is not going to be as attached as they were and they are not going to lose the ability to be happy in the present moment.

If they don’t talk about how one can’t have everything they want and that they need to be grateful for what they have, it could be due to another outlook. Here, one may say it’s not so much about attain things as it is about living a life of purpose.

Purpose

This doesn’t mean that one will renounce their desires; what it means is that they will experience happiness through the kind of life they live. Through this, one is going to feel connected to what matters and this is going to allow them to experience happiness.

There are going to be times when they are happy and there will be times when they are not, but this is going to be a lot easier for them to handle. They are doing what they need to be doing and as they are on track, their need to happy all the time is likely to subside.

Perpetual Happiness

When one experiences happiness through living a life of purpose, it is clear that they are not going to be happy all the time. This may cause one to believe that this is not the option to take if they want to be happy all the time.

Yet, if one believes that getting everything they want will lead to happiness, they are not going to end up in a better position. Ultimately, one is chasing an illusion and even if they do feel happy in the beginning, it will soon wear off.

Looking Back

One only needs to think about something they wanted in the past, and how once they received what they wanted, it didn’t take long for them to want something else.  The level of happiness that they experienced in the beginning may have gradually declined or it may have disappeared more or less straight away.

It is through having the ability to feel unhappy, that one is able to appreciate being happy. Therefore, each aspect plays an important role in one being able to live a life that is not only fulfilling, but a life where they are able to grow.

Another Factor

However, just because someone wants to be happy, it doesn’t mean that they believe they deserve to be. This could be something one is aware or it could be something they are unaware of.

Either way, it is going to make it hard for one to be happy and even if they are, it might not be possible for them to embrace how they feel. In this case, it is not going to be other people who are stopping them from being happy, this is going to be something they are doing themselves.

Self-Sabotage

One is then in a position where they have earned the right to be happy or they might not even allow themselves to get this far. This could mean that one not only puts their happiness on hold, they also put their life on hold.

Not only is this going to affect one’s ability to enjoy what they have worked so hard for, it could also make it hard for them to enjoy everyday moments with friends and family, among other things. Part of them has the need to be happy and another part of them feels uncomfortable with this need.

Undeserving

This is not just going to be seen as something one believes about themselves, it will be seen as something much deeper. They may feel as though they are worthless and that they don’t deserve to experience good things in life.

While one may have this outlook because of what has happened during their adulthood, it could also the result of what during their childhood. What happened during these early years may have set them up carry toxic shame.

During these years, one may have been physically, emotionally, verbally and/or sexually abused. How they were treated would have been taken as a sign of their worth and it wouldn’t have been possible for them to question what was taking place.

Toxic Shame

This means that one doesn’t feel shame from time to time, they are stuck in shame. It has gone from being a feeling that they experience, to something that defines them - it is who they are.

One is then going to be cut off from their inherent worth, and the only thing they will be aware of is a sense of being flawed. They are then less-than human and don’t deserve to exist, let alone be happy.

Awareness

In order for one to let go of the toxic shame within them, it will be important for them to face how they feel and to process their emotions. Through tolerating how they feel and allowing the change to discharge, one will gradually be able to let go.

This may also involve grieving unmet childhood needs. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here. Through the support of others, one will gradually be able to realise that there is nothing wrong them. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/