When one is happy, they can feel the need to share how they feel with others, and this can take place in a number of ways. Perhaps one will be more complimentary than they usually are.

It can then be normal for them to say how good someone looks, or they might talk about how they appreciate what they do for them. They may even focus on a certain trait that they have and tell them how important this is.

Good Vibes

Yet even if these kinds of things didn’t take place, they could still have a positive effect on others. This is because other people could simply enjoy being in their presence; with them being able to soak up their positive energy,

Through spending time with them, someone could end up feeling a whole lot better about themselves. Or, they could just find that they add to how they already feel, and this will mean that they won’t take anything away from them.

The Opposite Effect

But while there will be a number of people who are drawn to their energy, there can be others who won’t be. Instead, they can feel repelled by how they come across, and this can then cause them to want to get away.

This could be a sign that they don’t feel very good, and by seeing someone who does, it can make them feel angry. How one comes across can remind one of how bad they feel at this moment in their life.

One Step Further

And although one can make the people around feel better without even trying, they can also extend themselves even further. One could feel the need to do some kind of volunteering or to give money to charity, for instance.

Therefore, it won’t be necessary for someone to be in their local environment in order to benefit from how one feels. This could be how one generally feels, or it could only be something they experience from time to time.

The Other Side

When they don’t feel this way, they might be able to cover up how they feel, and this will typically stop other people from realising what is taking place within them. As a result of this, one is going to have a positive effect on others no matter how they feel.

At the same time, it could be relatively easy for other people to know when their inner world has changed. This can then give other people the opportunity to see if they can do anything to help.

Covered Up

If they cover up how they feel, it may be due to them wanting to sort things out for themselves. One is then not going to want other people to give them sympathy; they will simply want to move forward.

Alternatively, this could show that they don’t feel comfortable showing how they feel, and their behaviour is then motivated by their need to protect themselves. One could then ignore how they feel and pretend that everything is fine.

On Show

When one reveals how they feel, it could be a sign that they want other people to give them attention. But if this is not the case, it could just show that they are comfortable showing how they feel.

In this case, one is not trying to gain attention; they are just embracing how they feel. This doesn’t mean that they will reveal how they feel to anyone, as this could just occur around the people they are close to.

Assistance

One may find that they feel better about themselves and that they are able to take the next step through being around people who take the time to listen to what they are going though. It is the not that they want someone to do anything, it is just that they want them to be there for them.

This is likely to be a lot healthier than if they were to hold in how they feel and to pretend that everything is fine. And through doing this, one is going to be taking responsibility for what is taking place within them.

A Negative Effect

If someone was to feel drained or low after one opened up about what is going on for them, it is not going to be one’s fault. This can show that they ended up absorbing how one felt, as opposed to one going out their way to cause them harm.

However, although one can own how they feel and deal with it themselves or show how they feel with someone they trust, they can also go out of their way to cause harm. As they are suffering, they are going to do what they can to make sure other people suffer too.

Criticism

This is then going to mean that one won’t own what is taking place within them; they will end up putting other people down. Through doing this, it will give them a momentary release, and one can then feel good about themselves for a short-time.

The trouble is that while this will change their mood, it won’t have a positive effect on their relationships. It could end up pushing people away, or the people who do stay around them could end up feeling bad about themselves.

Stuck

This might also make it harder for them to improve their life, and this is down to the fact that they will be wasting their energy. Putting other people can change how they feel, but it is unlikely to improve their circumstances.

Awareness
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If one can relate to this and they want to change their behaviour, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them to chance to improve their self-awareness to develop the ability to contain how they feel.

They could also be carrying toxic shame, and this will be something that plays a part in their tendency to put other people down. As if they were to change how they feel about themselves, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t need to behave in the same way.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If one was to find people who are still at school and to ask them what they want out of life, a number of them may say that they want to be happy. And even if someone as to say that they want to do well in a certain career, it could still be because this can be seen as something that will lead to the same outcome.

The Same Answer

Along with this, one is also likely to find that people who are lot older have the same desire. If this is not the case, it can be a sign that they are already happy, and this is then not going to be something they desire.

Even so, if one was to go and find these people at another point in time, they might not be experiencing life in the same way. As a result of this, they could be consumed by their need to experience life differently.
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Pleasure

It is not going to be hard for one to work out why someone would have this need; in fact, they might have it themselves. When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and this is going to cause them to experience pleasure.

One could believe that they have two options; either they are happy or they are unhappy. Their life is then going to be based around pleasure or it will be based around pain.

One Option

Thus, it is going to be normal for them to want to do everything they can to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. As far as they are concerned, the purpose of life itself could be to be happy.

It will then be necessary for them to do everything they can to avoid being unhappy and the pain that this will create. Now, if one is at the beginning of their life, they could be more invested in this outlook.

The Reason

This can be due to them not having the same amount of life experience as someone who is older, and this can cause them to be more naive. They are less likely to have had the kind of experiences that will cause them to question how they believe their life should be.

On the other hand, if one was older they could see that life doesn’t always go to plan, and that it’s not possible to always be happy. One way of looking at it would be to say that when one is younger they will be idealistic and when they are older they will be realistic.

A Time and Place

Still, there is clearly a time and a place for both ways of looking at life, and even though someone who is older could be more realistic this is not always going to be the case.  Instead, one could be at the beginning of their life and they may have had a number of different experiences.

It then won’t matter how old they are, as the experiences they have had will have opened their eyes to the world. And if they have a strong need to be happy, it could mean that what they have gone through hasn’t been very pleasant.

Holding On

If one is a fully grown adult, the kinds of experiences they have had are not going to have stopped them from wanting to be happy. What they have gone through is then not going to make them question if they can attain this goal; it will simply make them try even harder.

But if they do have moments when they begin to doubt if they can fulfil this need, it could be covered up. What is taking place within them is then going to end up being ignored and their need to be happy will soon take precedence.

Happiness

It is then not just that one wants to be happy, it is that this is something that is incredibly important. One will then be doing the right thing by allowing this to be something that consumes their whole life.

That is unless they are able to experience happiness, and then they will be able to settle down and enjoy what is taking place. At the same time, this could be a time where they will be thinking about how long it will last.

Pressure

Therefore, out of their need to try and control what is taking place, they can end up missing out on the very thing they desire. If they were to detach from what is taking place in their mind, it would allow them to embrace the present moment.

Yet even when they have the desire to be happy, this can also stop them from being able to be happy.  On one side, they will be avoiding the present moment, and on the other, they will have the need to do something.

Resistance

What is taking place in their life can then be harder for them to handle, as they will have the need to experience life differently. If they were able to surrender, they may find that they start to feel different.

And as they believe that they should be happy, they can feel like a failure if they are unhappy. They may find that they start to experience life differently if they were let go of this need.

A  Different Purpose

One may find that they will have a more fulfilling life let go of the need to be happy all the time and to focus on living a purposeful life instead. This won’t allow them to always feel good, but what it will do is give them something far more substantial.

There will be good moments and bad moments, and this will be a lot easier to handle when one is doing what matters to them. By doing what gives their life meaning, they might even let go of the need to be happy all the time.

Awareness

If one has the need to be happy all the time, it can be a sign that they find it hard to tolerate ‘negative’ emotions. It can then be necessary for them to develop the ability to regulate how they feel, and this is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

In today’s world, it is not uncommon for people to look for advice on how to be happy. In fact, it could be said that some people see this as being the purpose of life, and as a result of this, it is not going to be something that they can simply overlook.

In The Past

Fortunately, there is no shortage when it comes to what one can do in order to fulfil this need. This primarily comes down to the internet, and this is where one will be able to find out about all kinds of answers.

But while this is the case, it wasn’t like this before the internet was available, and this meant that it was harder to get hold on this kind of information. Still, as it is easier to get hold of, it could be said that this has may have played a part in their desire to be happy.

Human Nature

On one side, there is the need to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and so this will have played a part in one wanting to be happy. And on the other side, there can be the need to be happy all the time.

The former can be seen as something one was born with, and the latter can be seen as something they have picked up during their time on this planet. Wanting to be happy in life is not going to be the same as always wanting to be happy.

A Common Outlook

For example, if one was to go online, there are likely to come across information that talks about how they can be happy all the time. Through hearing this, it could have an effect on what they believe is possible.

Instead of just wanting to be happy in life, this could be seen as something that is no longer good enough; what will then be good enough will be being happy all the time. And unless they are able to achieve this, they could end up feeling hopeless.

Different Perspectives

If one wants to be happy in life, it could be said that they want to live a fulfilling life; whereas if they want to be happy to all the time, it could be said that they just want to feel good. In the first case, they are unlikely to be happy all the time, but it is likely to mean is that they will live a life of purpose.

In the second case, they are likely to end up having more ‘positive’ feelings, but they could be out of touch with their purpose. Nevertheless, they could believe that their purpose is to experience life from one side of the emotional spectrum.

The Contrast

If one wanted to be happy in life and they were to achieve this outcome, it is going to mean that there will be moments when they are happy and moments when they are not happy. But through being able to experience life in this way, it will give them a greater appreciation of life.

The kind of depth that they experience will be out of reach for someone who ends up being happy all the time. Through being in a positive state, one will soon get used to how they feel and it will then start to lose its effect.

Down

However, if one is in a position where they are not happy in life, this is not going to something they think about. Their main priority will be to feel better and what happens down the line will be the least of their worries.

And if one wants to live a more fulfilling life, they could also be in a vulnerable position. This could mean that they won’t have the ability to think clearly, and this can make them an easy target.

Reaching Out

When one looks for information on how to be happy, they could end up being drawn to certain people. These could be people who present themselves as being an expert on how to be happy, or they could just appear to have it all together, so to speak.

So based on how they come across, one will come to the conclusion that they have the answers. Their critical faculties could then be out of action and everything they hear or read about will go right in.

Appearance

Along with being happy, these people could also be incredibly attractive; with their face and body being something to behold. This is not to say that one will need to zoom into their body, as they could be wearing clothes that reveal their physique.

And through being in awe of their appearance, it could be said that it will be normal for them to go along with what they have to say. In fact, one could even end up putting them on a pedestal.

Stepping Back

One way of looking at this would be to say that these people are happy and so there is no reason why one wouldn’t pay attention to what they have to say. Another way of looking at it would be to say that these kinds of people don’t experience life in the same way that most people do.

This will be an outlook that is even more relevant when it comes to attractive women, as this is because it will be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others. And based on the kind of feedback that these people generally get from others, it is going to be a lot easier for them to be happy.

A Different Reality

Due to what they look like, it is not going to take a lot of effort for them to get their needs met, and as a result of this, it can be as if they live on a different planet. It can easier for them to attract the kind of partner they want, and it can allow them to progress faster in their career.
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Also, through using social media, they can receive positive feedback from others without needing to be around people. Approval from others is then always at hand and this is going to have a positive effect on them.

Conclusion
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Now, this is not to say that one shouldn’t listen to what they have to say, or that they are always happy; what it comes down to is that their appearance will have an effect on how they experience life. Yet even though someone can be attractive, they can still be deeply unhappy and extremely insecure.

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If one felt guilty whenever they consumed a certain type of food, it is going to be hard for them to enjoy eating it. On one hand, they might continue to eat it and put up with how they feel, and on the other hand, it might cause them to stop eating something altogether.

This could be a sign that one is on some kind of diet, and in order for them to reach a specific target, they are going to need to stay away from certain foods. It could also come down to the fact that one has been told not to eat something for health reasons.

A Positive Effect

In this case, it could be said that it is good that one feels guilty as it will encourage them to stay on track; whereas if they didn’t feel guilty, they might find it harder to eat the right food. As a result of this, it could take them ever longer to reach their ideal weight, or their health could get even worse, for instance.

However, in one felt guilty whenever they consume something that isn’t bad for them, it is going to have a negative effect on their life. They are going to feel as though they are doing something wrong, and there is no reason for them to feel this way.

A Small Problem

But while this might have an effect on them when they think about eating something and once they have eaten something, it is unlikely to stop them from being able to enjoy life in general. They should still be able to carry on with the rest of their life.

For one thing, there is a strong chance that they will be able to find something else to eat, and this might not only be as healthy, it could taste just as good. This also means that one should still be able to feel happy.

A Completely Different Experience

However, if one feels guilty whenever they feel happy, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy life. One could work hard to achieve something, and once they have achieved it, they might not allow themselves to enjoy it.

One could then wonder why they work so hard to achieve things, but at the same time; this doesn’t mean they will simply give up altogether. Once they have achieved something, they could soon move onto something else.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, one could stop themselves from achieving anything as a way to avoid feeling guilty. While this is going to mean that one will have to put their goals to one side, it will stop them from feeling as though they have done something wrong.

This shows that although this will cause them pain, it won’t be as strong as the pain they would feel if they were to experience life differently. The way for them to keep their guilt in check will be to stop themselves from growing and to sabotage their life.

External Support

If one is still able to experience achieve things, the people around them might find it hard to understand why they come across as they do. They might say that they deserve to be happy, and that there is no reason why they should feel guilty.

Yet, even though one might hear this from the people they are close to, it doesn’t mean it will change how they feel. One might also find it hard to understand why they feel the way they do.
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Normal

This could be how one has always experienced life, and in this case, it is going to be a normal part of their life. However, there is also the chance that one only started to experience life in this way after something happened.

Based on what their life was like at one point in time, it might have been possible for them to be happy from time to time. But as they started to experience success, they may have started to struggle.

Reaching Out

Nevertheless, regardless of how long they have been in this position for, it will be important for them to reach out for support. This could mean that one will go onto a search engine and read up on this subject, or they might just go out and buy a book.

Another approach would be for them to look for a therapist that understands what they are going through. And while they will want to move forward, they might also wonder why they are experiencing life in this way.

One Reason

They might be asked about their childhood, and this is because what took place during these years may be the reason why they feel guilty for being happy. Perhaps one had a parent who was rarely happy or suffered in some way.

If one was happy, they might not have felt safe; therefore, in order for them to be approved of, they may have had to stop themselves from being happy. At this time, one wouldn’t have thought about how this would affect their life as an adult; their focus would have been on doing what they could to survive.

One Approach

As one’s thought play a part in how they feel, one option would be to change what is taking place in their mind. Their thinking patterns will then change and this could then have an effect on how they feel.
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Along with changing what it taking place in their mind, it might also be important for one to mourn their unmet childhood needs. This is because what is taking place in one’s body can influence what is taking place in their mind.

Holding On

After one has changed what is taking place in their head and released what had built up in their body, they may find that they no longer feel guilty for being happy. However, there is also the chance that they will still feel the same.

When this happens, it could be a sign that one is holding on out of their need to be loyal to their family. The child part of them can hold onto how they feel, and if they were to let go, it could be seen as an act of betrayal.

Loyalty

What this comes down to is that what doesn’t get dealt with in one generation can get passed onto the next. And in order to bring balance to the family system, one may have taken on board problems that didn’t belong to them.

It might be hard to understand why this would take place, and this is why it is important to  remember that how one perceives life now would not have been the same as how they would have perceive it during their early years. Through being given life, they would have felt the need to give something in return.

Awareness

The purpose would then be to change what someone in their family couldn’t change, but as it doesn’t belong to them, it is not going to be possible for them to do this. This is why they will need to try another approach.

One way one can let go of what isn’t theirs will be to have a family constellation. This is something that can take place in a workshop or through a one-to-one session.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ ​​​​

If someone is into self-development, they may have the need to be happy all the time. However, even if this is not something they are into, they may still have the same need.

In this case, they may believe that this is the how they are supposed to experience life, and through having this outlook, they have been drawn to self-development. This could be seen as something that will allow them to fulfil this need.

Feeling Good

When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and as a result of this, it is going to be easier for them to enjoy life. Therefore, it could be seen as normal for one to have the desire to always experience life in this way.

They may find that when they are happy, they act in ways that are productive, whereas, when they are unhappy, they may act in ways that are not.  This will mean that not only does their state of mind change, their behaviour also changes.

Feeling Bad

During the moments when they feel bad, they may end up doing things that are harmful, and this is going to give them a greater need to be happy. This might be seen as the only way for them to put an end to their destructive behaviour.

It will then be important for them to take control of how they feel and to make sure they only expedience one side of the emotional spectrum. The other side will be seen as having no part to play in their life.

In The Beginning

If one wants to be happy all the time and they start to read books on self-development, for instance, they may come to believe that positive thinking and affirmations are the answer. Taking control of their mind is then going to be important, and they might not feel the need to do anything else.

They might also end up exercising on a regular basis and look at how they hold themselves. Through exercising, their body will release endorphins and this will cause them to feel good, and through holding themselves in the right way, it will give them the chance to change how they feel.

Approval

These are just some of the approaches that one can engage in, and there are many others. If they apply a few of these options or even a number of them, they may start to feel happier, and it might also be possible for them to sustain how they feel.

As a result of this, the people around them may start to show them approval, and this could make them feel even better about themselves. One reason why they offer their approval could be because they want to experience life in the same way.

Advice

It might not be long until people start to ask for their advice, and after one tells them what they do, the other person might also end up experiencing life in the same way. In fact, one might go a step further and start to tech others people how to be happy all the time.

However, there is also the chance that one will find it hard to continually feel happy, and this is because challenges are part of life. Having said that, one might just continue to feel happy and to not let anything affect how they feel.

Out of Balance

But even if one is able to maintain how they feel and doesn’t allow themselves to feel unhappy, it doesn’t mean they are not going to experience problems further down the line. The reason for this is that there is a time to be happy and a time to be unhappy, and if one doesn’t embrace both sides, they are going to be out of balance.

If one was happy all the time, they would start to get used to it, and this is because it is only through being able to be unhappy that being happy has any meaning. This is similar to how if the sun was always shining, people would just take it for granted.

Feedback

In addition to this, one’s feelings are also there to give them feedback, and this means they are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Therefore, one will need to pay attention to how they feel and not overlook what is taking place within them.

If they simply cover up how they feel in order to ‘feel good’, their life could end up getting even worse as time passes, and this means they could have more reasons to ‘feel bad’. One might be experiencing ‘positive’ thoughts and feelings, but beyond these inner processes, their life could be in a complete mess.

Decisions

For example, it is often said that people shouldn’t make decisions when they are happy, and this is because it is not always possible for them to think straight. This is similar to how one is unlikely to be in a position to make a big decision when they are drunk.

Emotional Regulation

It could be said that the ideal will be for one to be in a position where they can embrace how they feel as opposed to having the need to always feel a certain way. As a result of this, it will then be possible for them to use their feelings as feedback.

Through being able to regulate how they feel, they won’t have the need to always feel good. This will also mean that it is possible for them to contain their emotions.

Emotional Strength

However, if one doesn’t have the ability to contain and regulate their own emotions, they are likely to have a greater need to feel good. When they don’t feel good, they are not going to be able to deal with how they feel, and their feelings are then going to define them.

It can then be normal for them to believe that the answer to their problem is to feel good all the time. It then won’t matter that they can’t contain and regulate how they feel, and this is because they won’t need to.

The Reason

When one doesn’t have the emotional strength to contain and regulate their emotions, it could be a sign that they were brought up by people who were emotionally unavailable.  Through not receiving the attunement they needed to develop this part of themselves, they would have been overwhelmed whenever they experienced ‘negative’ feelings

The only alternative would have been for them to disconnect from these kinds of feelings, and while this would have been better than the other option, it would set them up to experience problems later on. One can then carry a lot of emotional pain, and while this can result in physical problems, it can also set them up to project their ‘dark side’ onto others.

Awareness

In order for one to develop their ability to contain and regulate their emotions, it will be important for them to reach out for the right assistance.  This is likely to be a time where one will need to work through the pain that is within them and receive the attunement that they missed out on all those years ago.

As this takes place, there is a strong chance that one will develop their emotional strength. This is kind of support can be provided by a therapist. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article. 

Oliver JR Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

What makes one person happy is not necessarily going to be the same as what makes another person happy, but while their requirements may be different, they both have the need to be happy. This is something that most people on the planet want to experience; with their being many ways in which one can experience happiness.

However, even though this is what people want, it doesn’t mean they are able to fulfil this need. There are going to be some people who are generally able to fulfil this need, and then there are going to be others who are unable to do so.

Complete Fulfilment

One reason for this could come down to the fact that they are doing the wrong things. In their mind, happiness may be something that occurs when they have everything they want.

It might be possible for them to attain certain things, but there are likely to be things that are going to remain out of their reach. When this happens, one could blame the external world and end up feeling like a victim.

Another Outlook

If they were to talk to someone else about what has been taking place in their life, they might end up being supported. The other person could say that only some people can have what they want and that life is not fair.

Yet, one could also meet someone who says that it’s not possible for one to always have what they want. They might say that one should feel happy with what they have and not expect so much.

Contentment

Once they stop focusing on what they don’t have and start to appreciate what they do have, their life will being to change. In this case, one is being encouraged to let go of their desire to have everything and to come to a place of acceptance.

Through being grateful for what they have as opposed to being frustrated with what they don’t have, one will be able to experience contentment. One may get the impression that this means they should no longer want anything.

A Bit of Both

The other person may say that it is not that one should no longer want things, but that they should appreciate what they have whilst having the need to have more. Through having this outlook, one is not going to be as attached as they were and they are not going to lose the ability to be happy in the present moment.

If they don’t talk about how one can’t have everything they want and that they need to be grateful for what they have, it could be due to another outlook. Here, one may say it’s not so much about attain things as it is about living a life of purpose.

Purpose

This doesn’t mean that one will renounce their desires; what it means is that they will experience happiness through the kind of life they live. Through this, one is going to feel connected to what matters and this is going to allow them to experience happiness.

There are going to be times when they are happy and there will be times when they are not, but this is going to be a lot easier for them to handle. They are doing what they need to be doing and as they are on track, their need to happy all the time is likely to subside.

Perpetual Happiness

When one experiences happiness through living a life of purpose, it is clear that they are not going to be happy all the time. This may cause one to believe that this is not the option to take if they want to be happy all the time.

Yet, if one believes that getting everything they want will lead to happiness, they are not going to end up in a better position. Ultimately, one is chasing an illusion and even if they do feel happy in the beginning, it will soon wear off.

Looking Back

One only needs to think about something they wanted in the past, and how once they received what they wanted, it didn’t take long for them to want something else.  The level of happiness that they experienced in the beginning may have gradually declined or it may have disappeared more or less straight away.

It is through having the ability to feel unhappy, that one is able to appreciate being happy. Therefore, each aspect plays an important role in one being able to live a life that is not only fulfilling, but a life where they are able to grow.

Another Factor

However, just because someone wants to be happy, it doesn’t mean that they believe they deserve to be. This could be something one is aware or it could be something they are unaware of.

Either way, it is going to make it hard for one to be happy and even if they are, it might not be possible for them to embrace how they feel. In this case, it is not going to be other people who are stopping them from being happy, this is going to be something they are doing themselves.

Self-Sabotage

One is then in a position where they have earned the right to be happy or they might not even allow themselves to get this far. This could mean that one not only puts their happiness on hold, they also put their life on hold.

Not only is this going to affect one’s ability to enjoy what they have worked so hard for, it could also make it hard for them to enjoy everyday moments with friends and family, among other things. Part of them has the need to be happy and another part of them feels uncomfortable with this need.

Undeserving

This is not just going to be seen as something one believes about themselves, it will be seen as something much deeper. They may feel as though they are worthless and that they don’t deserve to experience good things in life.

While one may have this outlook because of what has happened during their adulthood, it could also the result of what during their childhood. What happened during these early years may have set them up carry toxic shame.

During these years, one may have been physically, emotionally, verbally and/or sexually abused. How they were treated would have been taken as a sign of their worth and it wouldn’t have been possible for them to question what was taking place.

Toxic Shame

This means that one doesn’t feel shame from time to time, they are stuck in shame. It has gone from being a feeling that they experience, to something that defines them - it is who they are.

One is then going to be cut off from their inherent worth, and the only thing they will be aware of is a sense of being flawed. They are then less-than human and don’t deserve to exist, let alone be happy.

Awareness

In order for one to let go of the toxic shame within them, it will be important for them to face how they feel and to process their emotions. Through tolerating how they feel and allowing the change to discharge, one will gradually be able to let go.

This may also involve grieving unmet childhood needs. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here. Through the support of others, one will gradually be able to realise that there is nothing wrong them. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

There are many things that people want in today’s world, and one of those things is to be happy. But although this is what people want, it is not always that they receive. Someone can feel as though it is impossible for them to fulfil this need and that they would have more chance finding the end of a rainbow.

However, when one is happy, it doesn’t mean that they are doing something that fulfils them. It could simply mean that they are drinking alcohol, or that they have taken drugs.  One then feels happy due to what they have consumed, and when this experience comes to an end, they could soon feel unhappy.

This would be a sign that their life is not fulfilling and that one feels completely disconnected from what matters. One could feel as though life has no meaning and that they need to take things in order to feel happy.

Meaning

There are then going to be other people who are happy and this will be because of the kind of life they are living. This doesn’t mean that they constantly feel happy and always have a smile on their face, it means that they are connected to what matters.

Through being connected, one is then able to live a life based on what matters to them. Their life is then a reflection of their needs, and as one is living their ‘truth’, it is possible for them to feel happy.

Out of Touch

Yet, if one was not in touch with their needs, their life would be completely different. They could end up believing that life has no meaning and the only way for them to feel happy is to find things that will stimulate their senses.

When they see other people who are happy, they could come to believe that they have something that they don’t. One could end up feeling like a victim or that they are unlucky. And if one has never been in touch with their needs, this could be seen as normal response.

Looking Outside

When one is in touch with their needs and what is taking place externally reflects their needs, they are going to feel happy.  This means that one is not simply looking for the outside world to make them feel happy; they are playing their part through being in touch with their inner world.

If one wasn’t aware of what was going on within them, they are then likely to look outside for meaning and fulfilment. But unless one is aware of what will make them happy, it might not matter where they or what they do.

Distractions

One thing the Media likes to do is to make people believe they will be happy if they buy a certain product. And while this product may make one feel happy for a short time, it will soon wear off.

Although another person can ask questions and be an example, it is not possible for them to know what one’s needs are. The only person who can find this out is oneself.

Disconnected

So if one is disconnected from themselves, it is only natural for them to look outside for answers. It could be that they have never been around anyone who has encouraged them to look within.

One could come across someone who is happy and believe that if they did the same thing, they would also be happy. But just because someone else is happy doing something, it doesn’t mean that one will be happy doing the same thing.

Social Conditioning

People are conditioned to want certain things and while this is good for the economy (and the people who are creating the products); this might be as far as it goes. The underlying message is that if one buys what is being sold, they will end up feeling happy.

However, this conditioning might be nothing more than a continuation of what they experienced whilst they were growing up. And due to what happened during the beginning of their life, it then set them up to fall for the illusions that society creates.

Needs

There are going to be some people who are have always been in touch with their needs and others who have developed this connection later in life. Then there are going to be others who have never been in touch with their needs.

When one is in touch with their needs, it could be due to how they caregivers responded to their needs. If, on the other hand, one is out of touch with their needs, it could mean that one’s caregivers ignored their needs.

The Body

It is also going to be important for one to be in their body, and this will enable them to tune into their needs and feelings. And while one’s needs and feelings could be seen as separate, they are interconnected.

For it is one’s feelings that will let them know if they are doing the right thing and therefore, if their needs are being met. So if one doesn’t know what their needs are, they might have trouble knowing how they feel.

Awareness

This could mean that needs to deal with the emotional pain that is stopping them from being in their body and as this takes place, one will start to connect to their needs. One might also need to take the time to focus on what matters to them and to step back from their conditioned.

The assistance of a therapist or a healer can allow one to release the emotional pain within them and they can also provide attunement that one may need to be able connect to their needs.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If someone had to choose between feeling happy or feeling unhappy it is clear that in most cases they would choose the first option. When one is happy, not only will their inner world change, it is also going to have an effect on their outer world.

This inner change will cause their behaviour to change and how they perceive the world around them is also going to change. And through feeling different and perceiving the world around them differently, it is going to have an effect on how other people respond to them.

Life in general is going to seem more worthwhile and this could mean that one makes better use of their time.

The Other Experience

Alternatively, if one doesn’t feel happy it is inevitably going to have a different effect on their life. What is going on inside is going to be different and this is going to play a part in how they perceive the outside world.

Their behaviour is going to change and how other people respond to them is also going to change. One might end up wondering what the point of life is and they could waste their time as a result.

Now And Then

So if this is something that happens every now and then, it is probably not going to have too much of a negative impact on someone’s life; being unhappy is part of being human and it is not something that can be avoided.

However, if one constantly feels unhappy, then it is going to have a negative impact on their life. And in certain circumstances it could make one end their life. Being unhappy is something that many people will have become used to and it might seem as though this is simply part of life.

A Way Of Life

If one is used to feeling happy, then it might be easier for them to accept the times when they are not happy. But if one always feels unhappy, it is going to be a lot harder for them to accept how they feel.

One might decide that it is better to not feel at all, than to feel unhappy all the time. But as many people will know who are on antidepressants for instance; through taking away one side of the spectrum you take away the other. Not only does it stop one from feeling unhappy, it also stops them from being able to feel happy.

It is not possible for them to experience a wide range of emotions. They are emotionally cut off and are simply going through the motions of life.

Life Is Short

And as life is short, it is important to get the most out of it. But all the time one feels unhappy, it is going to make it harder for them to enjoy it.  It could feel like a burden and something that they have to endure.

So based on this, it is clear that life is too short to be unhappy. If one feels happy, they are going to get a lot more out of it and they will be less likely to waste their time.

One Outlook

What this shows is that it will be important for one to not let life get to them or to bring them down and to focus on what brings them happiness and joy. And this is good advice; as life is full of distractions and it can be easy to be consumed by them.

Through taking control of what one focuses on, it will enable them to feel better and to stay on track. But just because life is short, it doesn’t mean that one should stop themselves from being unhappy.

Emotional Honesty

At times, life is going to have moments that cause one to feel unhappy and is not something that one should avoid. That doesn’t mean that one becomes stuck there and stays there for the rest of their life, what it means is that one embraces how they feel.

In the beginning, one may try to avoid how they feel, but this will have a negative effect on their life in the long term. When emotional pain is experienced, the mind will do everything it can do stop one from feeling the pain. Defence mechanisms will be used to moderate how one feels.

Denial

This can lead to denial and while one may feel happy on the surface, it doesn’t mean that this is a true reflection of what is taking place at a deeper level. As the saying goes ‘out of site out of mind’, but even though one may be unaware of how they feel it doesn’t mean that these feelings are not influencing their life.

Feeling happy is then another form of avoidance or ‘positive thinking’. Mentally one could be fine, but their emotional health is going to suffer. And as what is going on at an emotional level will effect what is going on at a mental level, it shows how important it is to be in touch with how one feels.

Moving Forward

For example, loss is part of life and when one losses something they are going to experience grief. If one has lost a family member or someone they are close to, they are going to need to face their pain and to work through it.

That fact that life is short is irrelevant; this grieving process is not something that one should avoid. Through facing how one feels, they will gradually move through their pain and as time passes, they will be able to experience happiness once more.

Emotional Health

If one wants to be emotionally healthy, this is the route to take. In the short term it is not necessarily the easiest option, but it has long term benefits. To avoid how one feels might feel better in the short term, but this could cause one to have emotional problems in the future.

Awareness

And if one is finding it difficult to deal with their emotions, then it will be important for them to seek some kind of assistance. This could be from a therapist or some kind of healer. 

While money can give someone the power to buy most things in life, it is often said that what it can buy is happiness. It then won’t matter how much money someone has, as the size of their ‘bank account’ won’t make any difference.

And while being happy is something that most people want to experience, it doesn’t mean that it everyone is going to have the same meaning. But it can include the following: having good relationships with others; being healthy; having a supportive family, feeling emotionally whole and living a meaningful life.

Relationships

Now, if someone doesn’t have relationships with others that fulfilling, it is going to have a negative affect on them.  And this could relate to someone who has plenty of money or to someone who has very little.

Their financial situation is not the same and yet they are in the same position. It could then be said that money has no bearing as to whether one has meaningful relationships with others or not.

What one could do is try to buy other peoples friendship and this is not something one could do if they didn’t have much money. Having friends is then made possible through having money. But these are not going to be authentic relationships; as the other people are only around for the money and not for the person.

Health

It is often said that one’s health is the most important thing they have. And this is because one’s body is the vehicle they travel through life in and when this is not running smoothly, other areas of their life are inevitably going to follow suit.

Having health problems is going to inhibit one’s ability to enjoy life. So while some people won’t have money, at least they have their health. Whereas, although one could money, if they are not in good shape physically it might not matter.

Family

While someone can choose their friends, the same can’t be said for their family. And when one has a family that is supportive and loving, it is going to make their life so much easier than if the opposite was the case.

Some people say that their family are the most important people in their life and nothing else matters. It then doesn’t matter if one has money as long as they have their family. Now, just because one does have money, it doesn’t mean that they have a family or that they get on with their family.

Emotions

When one feels emotionally together it is going to be easier for them to enjoy life. If they don’t feel good on the inside, it might not matter what is going externally or what they attain.

One could travel all over the world and experience everything the planet has to offer, but still feel that something is missing. So just because someone has money, it doesn’t mean that they are going to be able to experience inner peace and contentment.

And this is often seen in the lives of the rich and famous that end up going to a clinic in order to deal with their drug addictions. Money is no object and yet, they are still unable to change how they feel in ways that are healthy.

Purpose

Without one having a sense of purpose and a reason to live, it is going to be hard for them to get out of bed in the morning. And if they do get out of bed, they are unlikely to feel inspired and full of life.

Anyone can have a sense of purpose, regardless of how much money they have; with this being an inner choice and not something that can be given to them by anyone else. Having money could allow one to try different things and to travel the world for instance, but it doesn’t mean that they will feel that their life has any kind of purpose

Money

So while having money won’t necessarily make someone’s life better per se; what it will do is give them more options in life. And as most things on this planet are attained through the exchange of money, it is clear that having it will have numerous advantages.

Not only will one be able to attain things through having money, they will also be able to invest in themselves. It is then not a case of one either being by themselves or buying friends, as they will be able pay for the coaching, therapy or healing that they need in order for them to realise that they can be liked for who they are.

This is just one example, but what it shows is that having money makes it possible for one to receive what they need to receive in order to grow. It is then not just about buying’ things; it is about one receiving what they need to develop themselves.

Awareness

There are then two parts: having money is one part and the other part is awareness. As was mentioned above, there are plenty of people who have money and yet are unable to get the help they need to live a fulfilling life.

Experiencing relationships that are unfulfilling or ending up in a clinic for drug addiction are two examples. If along with the money that one has, they were aware of the help that was available to them, it would allow them to experience more happiness in life.

Discernment

Just because one has money and they are buying what they think will make them happy, it doesn’t mean they will be happy. And this could be because they are looking in the wrong places and to the wrong things.

What might be better is for them to look within and to see what needs their attention within. When this part of them is looked at and understood, it will be a lot easier for one to be happy in life.

So if one uses money to develop their inner world, they are going to increase their chances of experiencing happiness in the outer world.

When other people are unhappy, it can cause someone to feel a sense of concern and to be curious as to why they feel as they do. As a result of this, one can hope that this person begins to feel better and even see what they can do to help them.

This could apply to anyone one meets that appears unhappy, but in most cases, it is going to relate to the people that one knows and is close to. To be this way is part of being human and that means having empathy.

However, not every human as the ability to empathise and this can mean that they might even notice when another person is unhappy. So on one side can be people who are disconnected from other people’s emotions and have no idea how they are feeling, and on the other side, can be people who are not just interested in how others are feeling; they are completely focused on how they are feeling.

One might be described as being better than the other, and having no empathy is unlikely to be the one that is seen as better. And yet, to be totally focused on how other people are feeling is also going to create problems.

Responsible

To feel concerned when another person is unhappy is one thing; it is another thing to feel responsible when they are unhappy and that it is ones purpose to make them happy. Of course, if one was responsible for what happened, then it is only normal that one offers their support.

But when one is not responsible for what happened and they feel that they are, one is going to become too focused on another person’s life. And if their attention is on others, it is inevitable that their own life is going to suffer.

Not only that, it also takes away the other persons responsibility for their own feelings. And this can cause them to always look to other people in order to be happy. Other people are then responsible and the ones who have the power over their feelings

Two ways

So trying to make other people happy not only causes one to lose awareness when it comes to their own needs and wants, it also causes the other person to lose touch with the role they are playing.

This is going to mean that one has less energy for their own life and this could cause them to feel disempowered. And other people are not going to be able to realise the power they have to make themselves happy; so they can end up feeling disempowered.

Parent And The Child

If one was to ignore how old each person was here, they would soon see that it is similar to the relationship a parent has with a child. At such a young age, the parent is responsible for the child’s happiness. And as the child hasn’t emotionally separated and therefore developed their sense of personal power, this is to be expected.

So while someone can look like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they feel like one. One can feel like a child and need others to look after them in order to get their needs met, or one can feel like a child, and look after others as a way to get their needs met.

The Same Coin

Whether one feels responsible for other people’s happiness or feels that other people are responsible for their own, it is because they have not been able to emotionally grow up. And this causes them to still see the world through the eyes of a child; with their personal power not yet being realised.

Role Reversal

Just because someone is an adult, it doesn’t mean that they actually had a childhood. And this means that instead of them receiving the nurturing they needed to become a healthy and functional adult, they might have ended up parenting their caregivers instead.

So they grow up and look like adults, but they still feel like children. While this should have been a time for their caregivers to focus on ones happiness and wellbeing, to take care or their needs and wants, it could have been the other way.

Survival

To survive during these years, and to receive the acceptance, love and approval that they desperately needed, they would have had to tune into their caregivers needs. One may not have been happy with this, but their caregivers were.

This sets one up to believe their survival is based on pleasing others, and making them happy would have been what mattered. The ideal would have been for them to be accepted, loved and approved of for who they were.

Outer Directed

One is then conditioned from day one look externally, and to tune into the needs and wants of other people. This is not dysfunctional per se, but when it becomes one whole focus it is going to be.

Their own needs and wants could have ended up being oblivious to them and the reason they focus on other people is not only because this is what feel safe, it is also because they are out of touch with their own needs and wants.

Awareness

It will be important for one to get back in touch with their needs and wants, and to realise that they are not responsible for other people’s happiness. Intellectually one may understand this, but emotionally it could be very different.

This may involve changing beliefs and releasing trapped emotions from one’s body. As this takes place, one will gradually begin to feel comfortable with their needs and wants. The assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach may be required here.