When a woman is an individual, she will be able to pay attention to her own needs and feelings. Not only this, she will have good boundaries, meaning that she will generally have a strong sense of herself.
What this will do is allow her to live a life that is in alignment with who she is, as opposed to a life that is a reflection of other people’s needs and feelings. Through living in this way, she will be able to experience true fulfilment. Her Own Mark Her life will be the result of the decisions she makes and the actions she takes. She won’t have a strong need for approval or do what will make other people happy. Now, this is not to say that she won’t be able to put herself in other people’s shoes and to see their point of view or that she will be self-centred; what it means is that she won’t get caught up in what other people think. She could have a rewarding career, or she might be working towards having one. Another Important Area There is going to be no reason for her to base her happiness and fulfilment on whether or not she is an intimate relationship. This will be something that she experiences regardless of is she is single or not. Additionally, when she is in a relationship, she won’t need to lose herself and to go along with whatever her partner wants. What this illustrates is how important boundaries are, as they will be what stop her from dissolving. A Companion Therefore, if she is in a relationship and is able to maintain her sense of self, it is going to show that she is a whole human being. She is not going to be with a man because she feels empty; she will be with him because she wants to be with him. In other words, she is not going to feel as though she can’t survive without him. As a result of this, there is going to be no need for her to put up with bad behaviour or to be undermined. Inner Balance One way of looking at all this would be to say that the reason that this woman behaves in this way is due to the fact that her masculine and feminine energies have been integrated. The masculine element will provide her with the strength that she needs to stand her ground, and the feminine will allow her to listen to her needs and feelings, among other things. By being this way, it is going to be normal for her to attract men who are also in balance on the inside. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that she will always be in complete balance or that her feminine side won’t take over from time to time. Just an Appearance There is also the chance that she will often come across as more masculine than feminine. What this comes down to is that there is someone’s appearance and then there is what is going on within them. A woman can then have more masculine than feminine energy within her, just as a man can have more feminine than masculine energy within him. There are a number of reasons as to why this is. Another Experience On the other hand, there are going to be women who are used to being in relationships that are undermining. This type of relationship is not going to allow them to grow and to develop; it will tear them down. If a woman is in a relationship like this at the moment, she might spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to walk away. Even so, the thought of doing so could fill her with fear and panic. Conflict Part of her can feel uncomfortable with being with a man like this, yet another part of her can feel comfortable with it. The saying ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don't’ comes to mind here. As bad as it will be for her to be with a man who doesn’t allow her to listen to her own needs and feelings, and he might even be physically abusive, it can be seen as being far better than it would be if she was to be on her own. It is highly unlikely that this woman will feel like a whole human being. The Missing Part She is likely to feel as though something is missing and believe that this part will be provided by a man. Her sense of self will be weak and this is going to mean that she won’t have good boundaries. Thus, through feeling so weak on the inside, she will need to be with a man in order to feel strong. However, as she is not in a good way, she won’t be able to attract a strong man; what she will attract is a wounded man who acts strong. A Facade A strong man doesn’t need to control or abuse anyone or anything - that is something that a man will do if he is not in a good place. It is going to be vital for a woman like this to embrace her inner masculine, to give her the strength that she needs, and to embrace her inner feminine, to give her the love that she needs. What is likely to be stopping her from being able to access these two aspects is trauma. During the beginning of her life, she might not have received the kind of care that she needed to develop in the right way. A Closer Look There can be the part that her mother played as well as her father; each person will have had an effect. A simple way of looking at it would be to say that her mother didn’t give her the love she needed and her father didn’t give her the support that she needed. Perhaps her mother was verbally abusive for instance, and her father might also have pulled her down. Then again, her father might not even have been around, and this would have stopped her from feeling supported and protected. Awareness If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Towards the end of 2016, it was clear that I was only getting so far; in fact, it was as though I was actually getting worse, not better. I had worked with people, but some of the changes that I had made didn’t last and I was only getting so far.
What also stood out was how I needed to be working with a therapist in order to feel at ease. I didn’t have the ability to regulate my own system, so I had become dependent on these kinds of people. The Unexpected Happened During this time, I just ‘happened’ to have a car accident; fortunately I wasn’t hurt and neither was anyone else. My car was a write-off, even though it was only damaged on one side and looked fine from the back, front and the other side. In a way, this accident was a manifestation of how I felt at the time – along with feeling angry and frustrated, I felt powerless and as though I had no control over my life. So, losing control and no longer having a car to drive increased the intensity of how I had felt to begin with. Down but Not Out The feelings within me were bound to create a situation in my life that reflected how I felt at a deeper level. I wasn’t willing to throw in the towel though; I had come too far to do that. What also played a part here was that I didn’t think that I would have come so far only to be left in the dark. I knew that I had to keep going and that the right guidance would soon appear. The Crooked Cure My search for answers continued, with this being a time when I came to hear about how most of the therapy/healing our there is just a short-term solution. Someone can then feel settled when they are with their therapist/healer, but when they are not, they can end up feeling completely dysregulated, or they can feel better once they have stopped having this support, only to return to how they were before shortly after. One will then have been trained to settle in this person’s presence and to feel unsettled when they are not with them. Therefore, while they can believe that they are making progress; this is going to be no different to spending time with a good friend, for instance. The Next Step Still, this is not to say that one should never feel dependent on someone like this, as this can be part of the healing process. What matters is how long someone is in this stage for, as it shouldn’t last forever. Anyway, I ended up coming across something called Neurofeedback, and this was positioned as being the answer to the problem above. This seemed like exactly what I was looking for – something that would finally settle my emotions down and get me out of fear mode. A Powerful Tool By taking trying this, I started to settle down and I felt better, my mind also started to function better. It was as though I had been lifted up and I was amazed by what had taken place. I soon started to remember what I had been like before all my trauma had been brought up to the surface, around 2012. The trouble was that although it had an effect, I was still loaded with toxic shame. Not the Answer Additionally, it was as though what was going on for me at deeper level hadn’t been touched by this approach. And after a little while, the effects started to wear off; at this point, I couldn’t understand what was going on. I ended up getting in touch with someone who I had worked with before, when I tried Somatic experiencing. I had to keep going, and I ended up trying something called Life Activation. A New Approach After about a month had passed the following year, I knew that I needed to do something else. It was around this time that I thought about Ben Ralston, a healer who I had come across before. For whatever reason it hadn’t gone any further at that point, but I felt the need to book a session with him. One of the main things I wanted to deal with was the toxic shame I was carrying, along with a number of other issues. A Miracle Occurred It didn’t take long before a lot of the toxic shame had disappeared; it was as though the impossible had happened. I was amazed by what took place and I felt incredibly grateful that our paths had crossed. For a little while, I stopped using the word ‘healer’ at the end of my articles as I thought that it was far better to use the term ‘therapist’ instead. The reason for this is that I didn’t have a lot of faith in these kinds of people. The Real Deal But after working with Ben, it was perfectly clear that there are people out there who have an incredible ability. I currently believe someone either has this ability or they don’t, and that it can’t be taught by doing some kind of healing course. And even if someone does learn a few things by doing a healing course, for instance, it doesn’t mean that they will end up with the same ability. It is then similar to how just about anyone can learn how to kick a ball, but only a few people who kick a ball will end up as world class players. Final Thoughts I’m not quite sure what he does, but I know that it works. There is no doubt that this is someone who is committed to what he does, along with making a difference through the work that he does and in other ways. If you would like to find out more about Ben Ralston, and the services that he offers, please go to - http://benralston.org/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Is ‘Toxic Masculinity’ The Reason Why Some Men Don't Express How They Feel?20/2/2018
If a man behaves in a negative or destructive manner, it is often put down to ‘toxic masculinity’. This is something that a feminist on TV can come out with, as well as someone who isn’t a feminist.
Now, it could be said that this is because feminists have a good understanding of what is going on in the world – they have their finger on the pulse, so to speak. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it is simply due to the fact that they are often the kind of people who are given a platform. Different Views Consequently, this gives them the ability to define how a large part of the population perceives the world, with this being why one doesn’t need to be a feminist to think like one. However, it wouldn’t be right to put all feminists into the same box, as they don’t all have the same views. There are going to be some who are well-adjusted and rational human beings, while there will be others who aren’t. The trouble is that the ones who are unbalanced often give the ones who aren’t a bad name. Conflict But what can be hard for some people to understand is how a feminist, or anyone else for that matter, can use the term ‘toxic masculinity’. The reason for this is that it is not uncommon for a feminist to say that men and women are the same. Thus, if they are the same and there are no differences, how can negative or destructive behaviour be put down to their gender? Surely, if men and women are the same, it would be far more accurate to use the term ‘toxic behaviour’. Another Angle This would also be a term that is ‘gender neutral’, with this being something that is important to a lot of feminists. Also, by using the word ‘masculinity’, it can create the impression that negative and destructive behaviour is something that is inherently male. Not only is this a complete falsehood, but women possesses both the masculine and the feminine within them. So, as equality is so important, would it not be better to focus on what is negative and destructive and to leave masculinity out of it? Resistance Something that a lot of feminists fail to realise is that bashing all men is not a great approach to take when it comes to changing the world. It will be a lot easier for men and women to get on when they work together, and blaming one gender for everything is clearly not the solution. To say that ‘toxic masculinity’ is the problem is naturally going to make a lot of men defensive. Even though women, as well as men, posses both masculine and feminine energies, this is not something that is widely understood. Back To Reality Through hearing about ‘toxic masculinity’, a man could say that some women are an example of ‘toxic femininity’. This can then be a woman who doesn’t take responsibility for her life and manipulates others, among other things. Yet, while a woman can behave in this way, a man can also who behave in the same way. But as both genders are made up of the same energies, this is not going to be much of a surprise. A Different Perspective What is clear is that if a man behaves in a destructive manner, he has issues, and the same could be said when this relates to a woman. To say that a man behaves in this way due to ‘toxic masculinity’ doesn’t take into account what he has gone through in order to behave in this way. Now, this is not to say that this means he is not responsible for his behaviour. His behaviour is then going to have nothing to do with masculinity and everything to do with the fact that he is carrying trauma and/or has something wrong with this brain. Emotional Expression ‘Toxic masculinity’ is often seen as the reason why men don’t express how they feel, and men are often told that they need to do this. This is seen as one of the ways for men to longer kill people with guns or to murder others, for instance. In and of itself, it could be said that it is vital for men to be in touch with their emotions and to feel comfortable enough to express them. This is something that applies to both genders; with their being plenty of women in the world who need to hear this. The Modern Day World The western world is all about repression, and it could be said that this comes down to the minds need to experience pleasure and to avoid pain. This kind of behaviour could be seen as the norm as opposed to the exception. Thus, to say that this is something that only applies to men overlooks the fact that women are often just as repressed. But to say that emotional repression alone is what causes a man to murder someone has to be way of the mark. A Closer Look When a feminist, for instance, believes that women are in touch with their emotions and men aren’t, and that both genders are the same, it will be up to men to simply change their behaviour. To let go of their ‘toxic masculinity’ and to spend more time talking about how they feel. This approach will be based on the belief that the only reason men behave in this way is due to socialisation, meaning it won’t have anything to do with their being innate differences between men and women. For example, it has been said that women experience greater levels of oxytocin when they talk about their feelings. Conclusion If this is the case, and if men are generally more goal orientated than women, for instance, it is going to be far less appealing for a man to open up. Even so, the need to look strong and invulnerable is something that affects both genders. When a man hides how he feels, it can be the result of how other men have responded to him, as well as how women have responded. Fortunately, the right assistance is out there if a man does want to develop a strong connection with his emotions and to find a way to express them in the right way. He might also need to develop the ability to contain how he feels; which will stop him from having to repress how he feels or to act in a destructive manner. This assistance can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Why Are So Many People Interested In Their Rights But Not Their Responsibilities?19/2/2018
In today’s world, it is not uncommon to hear someone talk about what their rights are or how their rights are being taken away. This is the type of thing that one is likely to hear if they use social media or go to a university, for instance.
The Point of Focus The people who are like this are often only concerned about what the world owes them, meaning that they won’t even think about what they owe the world. Here, someone is going to be focused on receiving. The other side of the equation, giving, is then going to be completely overlooked. It could then be said that someone like this will have a strong sense of entitlement, which is why they are behaving in this manner. One Factor What can define whether this behaviour is seen as acceptable can be how old the person is who behaves in this manner. For example, if a young child was to talk about what they want and how they want to be treated, it is going to be somewhat normal. For one thing, a child is going to be dependent on other human beings, so it won’t be possible for them to do a lot for themselves, let alone others. Their body and their mind are still going to be developing. A Stage This child will be at stage in their life when they will need to receive in order to grow and, once this has taken place for a little while, they will be in a position to give to the world. At this stage of their life, their parent/s will owe them things. It is then similar to how a lot of work will need to go into building a house, with this being a time when the house won’t be able to give anything back. But, once it has been built, it will give far more than it needs. A Different Scenario However, if a young adult was to behave in this manner and didn’t pay attention to what they need to give; their behaviour can come across as being extremely self-centred. One is then no longer going to be a child, but they will be behaving as though the world is their parent. This is going to be a world that is made up of individuals – individuals who have their own needs - as opposed to people who are there to fulfil their every need. Their time to purely receive from others and to give very little in return is well and truly over. A Big Difference Their time as a child would have been a time in their life when they were entitled to special treatment from their parent/s, but this is not how life works now that they are an adult. Now, this is something that a lot of adults are going to realise. Through being this way, it is likely to make it easier for them to handle the moments when they are not treated as they would like to be treated. They are generally going to see life through the eyes of an adult not a child. A Cover Up Still, when someone is more or less obsessed with their ‘rights’ and what the world owes them, it can be hard for them to see what is taking place. The reason for this is that someone can create the impression that they are on some kind of moral crusade and/or say that they are being oppressed. In certain cases, someone might be in a position where they are being treated badly, but it won’t always be this black and white. What also needs to be looked into is why someone would end up in a position where they are being ‘oppressed’. For Example Nowadays, someone can identify as being part of a certain group, for instance, and through being part of this group they can claim victim status. It can then be seen as totally acceptable for them to talk about how their rights are not being respected and for them to oppress others in the process, amongst other things. Based on how they behave, it can be as though they have paid a lot of money for something and they haven’t received anything in return. So, through being completely consumed by what they are not getting from the world, they could be completely oblivious to the effect that they are having on the world. One of Balance One is then not going to be able to put themselves in others peoples shoes and to think about what their views are. They might have identified as something, for instance, and they will then expect everyone on the planet to treat them in a certain way. On the surface they can talk about what they deserve and how oppressed they are, but underneath all this can be the need to control others. With this in mind, how many people who talk about how oppressed they are just traumatised people who feel extremely powerless? The Reason If someone feels this way at a deeper level, it could be a sign that they didn’t receive what they need when they were growing up. This could have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Ergo, as they didn’t receive what they needed during this time in their life, they now expect other adults to give them what they parent/s couldn’t give them. And through being emotionally undeveloped, they won’t feel ready to give anything back. Conclusion What this shows is that someone will often look towards other adults to give them what their parent/s didn’t give them - their unmet child won’t have disappeared. Taking this into account, there is the chance that a lot of the people who are obsessed with their rights didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed during the beginning of their life. If one can relate to this, and they want to grow up emotionally, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is in a position where they find it hard to stand their ground and to pay attention to their needs and feelings, they could come to believe that they need to become more assertive. As a result of this, they could end up taking part in some kind of assertiveness training.
The Next Step Through taking this approach, one may find that it is only a matter of time before their life changes. What could be classed as a ‘behavioural approach’, will have been exactly what was required. Then again, this might not have much of an effect on their behaviour; it could still be a challenge for them to assert themselves. Alternatively, one might not even feel comfortable enough to take part in something like this. The Ideal When someone has boundary problems, it is going to be essential for them to do something about it. This is then no different to how it would be vital for someone to do something if they had a physical problem. But while this is the case, someone might not even reach out for support, let alone take part in some kind assertiveness training. What this is likely to come down to is that experiencing life in this way can be what is normal. Way Back If one as to look back on their life, they might find it hard to remember a time when their life was different. Experiencing life in this way is likely to cause them to feel angry and frustrated from, but that might as far as it goes. Yet, although they might think about what happens when they are around others and get annoyed about it, this is not going to have much of an effect on what takes place when they are around others. When they are around others, they could soon lose touch with their needs and feelings and to what other people want. Walked Over Now, this could mean that one often ends up doing things that they don’t really want to do, or it could be far worse. They could be in a relationship with someone who abuses them and/or they could have friends who are the same. Therefore, when they are around someone who is like this, it is not going to be possible for them to be themselves. Instead of being aware of what is going on within them and aware of what is going one externally, their focus will be on what is going on externally. Out of Balance This will show that one is in their mind as opposed to in their body, which is why they will be hyper vigilant. One will be on the lookout for danger, and this is going to stop them from being able to relax and to experience inner peace. Focusing completely on what is taking place externally will be a way for them to try to stop something bad from happening. One could then be used to experiencing a lot of stress, but they could be so used to being this way that they don’t even realise they are stressed. Another Symptom There is then a strong chance that their life is not going to be very fulfilling. They could have a job that is not in alignment with their true needs, or they might not allow themselves to progress. One is unlikely to feel as though they have much of an effect on their environment, and this could mean that they will be used to feeling powerless and helpless. Yet, if one is used to living in their head and doesn’t have a good connection with their body, this is to be expected. Disconnected It might be hard for some people to understand how a human being could be out of touch with their body; after all, it is part of them. But while this might sound odd to some, one will know what this is all about. Staying in their body when they are around others is going to be a challenge, with this being the reason why they will lose touch with their feelings and needs. Their main priority will be to survive, and pleasing others will be a way for them to do this. Self-Harm The trouble is that in order to please others, they will need to neglect themselves in the process. One is then not working with themselves, they are working against themselves, and this is not natural. It is unlikely that one was born this way though - that is unless their time in the womb wasn’t very pleasant, for instance. What this can show is that there was a time in their life when they experienced trauma. In The Beginning This could relate to what has happened in their adult life and/or it could go back to what happened to them when they were growing up. If it does relate to their early years, it could mean that they were abused and/or neglected. Their system would have been overwhelmed by these experiences, which would have pushed them out of their body. Staying in their body wouldn’t have felt safe; they would have had to disconnect from it. Awareness Until this trauma is dealt with, it is going to be a challenge for them to stay in their body and to assert themselves. The assistance of a therapist or a healer is likely to be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Is It A Bad Idea For Someone To Check Their Smartphone When They Wake Up?18/2/2018
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to have a very strong attachment to their Smartphone; so close in fact, that it can be practically another part of them. It won’t be physically connected to their body, but it can be as though it is.
A Number of Benefits Yet, as there is so much that can be done with a one of these devices, this is not much of a surprise. Calls can be made and messages can be sent, along with so many other things that can take place. Someone can have so many apps on their phone that, if their phone was to crash and they lost all their apps, it could take them a number of weeks to download them all again. And due to how many they had, they might not remember half of what they had. Business and Pleasure So, along with all with staying in touch with family and friends, one can use their phone to keep their mind busy and to do their job. Having a phone like this can allow one to run their business from just about anywhere in the world. It is not necessary for them to carry around a lot of equipment; they can just use one small device. This is a device has liberated a lot of people and allowed them to live in a way that is more in alignment with their true nature. Freedom For example, someone can to travel around the world instead of being tied down to a desk job, and this is going to be extremely fulfilling. If they were to go back to having a job like this, they would soon realise how bad it is. Nevertheless, if this was how they lived their life and they only went away once a year, for instance, it would probably be a lot easier for them to handle. The reason for this is that this will be what is normal. Worn Down Through going into work, day after day, week after week, they would have gradually become accustomed to this way of life. Part of them can then feel unconformable with this, but another part of them can feel comfortable with it. One is then going to be ‘comfortably uncomfortable’, and this will need to change in order for their life to change. What this shows is that someone can become comfortable with anything; it doesn’t matter if it matches up with their true needs, or if it is good for their wellbeing. Pros and Cons But like just like most things on this planet, a Smartphone doesn’t come without its drawbacks. What one could find is that they spend far too much time using this device, causing other areas of their life to be overlooked. In fact, one could find that they feel lost without their phone, and that being without it causes them to experience a lot of anxiety. It will then be as though they are a small child and the phone is their mother. A Regulator Therefore, if they are with their phone they can feel calm and at peace but, if they are not, they can end up being on edge. Not only this, their phone is going to allow them to feel good, too. The apps that they use will have been designed to give them a dopamine hit to keep them coming back for more, with this being the brain chemical that is linked to pleasure. It then doesn’t take a lot of thought to realise why someone would become addicted to this device. Self-Control What this empathises is how important it is for someone to make sure that they don’t allow this device to control their life. It is there for them to use, meaning that the device is not there to use them. This is then not different to how if one like’s chocolate; they will need to make sure that they don’t eat it all the time. If they can’t control themselves and eat it too often, it will have a negative effect on their life. The Time of the Day While there is going to be no reason for them not to use their phone if they are working with it, there are going to be other times when it might not assist them. For one thing, it has been said that it can be harder for someone to sleep if they use their phone before they go to bed. This is said to be due to the ‘blue light’ that the phone emits, with this shaving an effect on their brain and body. And if someone doesn’t get enough sleep, it can affect just about every area of their life. Another Consequence There is also what can happen if someone uses their Smartphone as soon as they wake up. This device can end up defining how they feel and thus, how they will behave, and this can mean that they will be reactive instead of proactive. One is then giving their power away to this device and this will stop them from being able to be in the driver’s seat of their own life. For example, one could read a message and end up feeling deflated, or they could find that they haven’t received a message and feel the same way. An Effect When this happens, it can stop one from being able to tune into their own needs and to decide what it is that they need to do. As a result, they can allow the external world to make this decision for them. So instead of being the centre of their world, they will behave as though they are just an extension of their phone. This device is then going to take away far more than it gives to them. Conclusion Ultimately, one is not here to be defined by others; they are here to define themselves. It is going to be a lot harder for them to do this if they allow their Smartphone to control how they feel and behave.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Social media has given people the ability to share their views with the world, and this can take place without the need for someone to reveal their true identity. Someone can then say just about whatever they want and they won’t need to worry about the consequences of their actions.
If they were in the real world and other people could see their face, their behaviour could be completely different. Still, there are plenty of people who respect people in the real world and behave in the same way online. The Same Along with this, there are going to be people who find it hard to behave in a respectful manner in the real world and this will then be how they behave online. Someone like this can have anger problems. Going online and venting, can then be a way for them to let off steam. Experiencing self-control and treating people how they like to be treated is going to be something they struggle with. Acceptable Behaviour Behaving in an abusive manner is not the only way in which a lack of self-control appears in today’s world; there is also what happens if someone can’t provide an argument when they disagree with something. Instead of coming up with a reason as to why what someone has said is wrong, they can simply resort to slander. This is what happens online and offline and, surprisingly, this type of behaviour can often be found in the education system. In the past, a university/college was somewhere where someone could grow and have their views challenged; whereas nowadays, this is not always the case. One Purpose Therefore, someone can go to college or university with an open mind and leave with a closed mind. They might not know how to think, but they will probably know what to think. Someone will then have paid to have their mind filled with propaganda. So, while their time in the education should have given them the ability to think critically, it might have only given them the ability to silence people who see the world differently. Programmed During their time at college or university, someone can come to see the world through the lens of those who are oppressed and those who oppress. Subsequentely, this is going to stop them from being able to see people as individuals. On one hand, they will have learnt about how bad it is to discriminate and yet, they will have learnt another form of discrimination. There will be white people, and white men in particular, who are the oppressors and pretty much everyone else will be the oppressed. One Big Delusion Taking this into account, it can be normal for a white person to feel guilty and ashamed and for people who are not white to feel violated and full of rage. It is then going to be perfectly acceptable for white people to be verbally abused and taken advantage of. After all, these are going to be the people who live the perfect life; a life that is free from pain and suffering. The fact that this is nothing more than an illusion won’t matter, as all white people will be put into the same box. Total Hypocrisy Not only will they have been told that all white people do everything they can to keep people from other races down, but they will probably have learnt about a version of history that adds further weight to this viewpoint. It will then be as if white people are the only ones who have done anything wrong on this planet. This is then no different to how some feminists only focus on the instances where women are doing badly and men are doing well, which stops them from being able to see past their own nose and to face reality. These kinds of people will talk about how bad it is to discriminate and yet their solution to this will be blame one race, and one gender in particular, for every problem under the sun. An Ulterior Motive Ironically, these people will spend countless hours talking about how bad it is to be racist and sexist. One then has to wonder if these people truly care about making a difference or stand for anything, or if they are just in this for themselves and are morally bankrupt. Telling a whole race that they are being oppressed by all white people or that one gender is being held back by the other gender is not only false, it also disempowers these people. In addition to this, it creates more division; which stops people from being able to work together and to make the world a better place for everyone. Another Option Once someone has been programmed to see life in this way, they can also say that another person is ‘privileged’ if they can’t think of an argument. It is then not going to be necessary for them to engage their brain. They won’t need to take the time to find out anything about the person either. This is likely to be a way to make them look bad, and to feel ashamed for what they have achieved in life. Faulty Thinking What is clear is that in most cases, there are going to be people who are worse off than this person; just as there are likely to be people who are going to be better off than they are. This is part of the human experience and it is something that is part of nature: for example, not all trees are the same size. But even if another person is seen as ‘privileged’, it doesn’t mean that everything fell into their lap. If being white was enough for someone to have an easy life, for instance, then every white person would be doing well. The Fetishization of Suffering There is a strong chance that they took responsibility for their own life and worked hard to get to where they are, and this shows how important it to take responsibility and to work hard. The trouble is that when someone believes that another person is ‘privileged’, they can beleive that they are only where they are because they repressed and exploited others. Thus, it is not that one has provided value throughout their life; it is that they have oppressed others to get to where they are. Through having this outlook, it is going to be far more virtuous for someone to do badly in life and to be a victim, than it will be for them to do well. Conclusion Ultimately, there is nothing virtuous about being a victim and suffering, and it will be sensible for someone to stay away from people who believe that this is the case. If someone wants to be truly empowered, it will be vital for them to take responsibility for their own life. What they believe about themselves and the world is likely to have a far greater effect on what they achieve than anything else. And instead of trying to pull the people down who are doing well, it would be far better to learn from them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is not uncommon to come across a study that goes into how women are being held back in a certain area of life. When a feminist hears about something like this, she can believe that this is yet another example of how women are being oppressed.
However, even if a man was to see this or a woman who isn’t a feminist, they could still come to the same conclusion. There are at least two reasons as to why this would take place. Attention One thing that the mainstream media understands is that in order to make people believe something, the only thing that they need to do is to gain their attention. Through achieving this outcome, someone can accept what they are being sold. There is then no need for them to prove that what they are saying is the truth, and this is why repetition is the key. So, through putting these kinds of studies in the public eye, the midstream media can define what people believe about women. The Dominant Narrative Along with monopolising people’s attention, these studies also play into the current cultural story about how women suffer and men have it easy. Based on this, someone doesn’t need to be a hardcore feminist to believe this. The only thing that is necessary is for them to live in the western world and to go along with what the mainstream media comes out with. Additionally, their time in the education system may have also caused them to see life in this way. Identity Politics No matter whether it relates to the education system, the media, or the entertainment industry, the same outlook is often found. The majority of people who are found in these industries are often left leaning. And if someone isn’t on board with this, they often feel the need to keep their mouth closed for fear of losing their job or being smeared. This is why it has been said that the left is only concerned with diversity of appearance, not diversity of opinion. One Focus Therefore, right from the very beginning, these sources are going to be looking for information that fits their outlook that women are oppressed. Someone can then focus purely on a study that goes into how oppressed women are in a certain environment, without even thinking about why the paper printed the story to begin with. This story can then be seen as a clear sign of how badly women are being treated, thereby stopping someone from being able to step back and to think critically. Nevertheless, if one has been conditioned to believe that women are oppressed, it is not going to be possible for them to see anything that proves otherwise. A Filter After all, human beings see with their mind not their eyes. Ergo, if someone continues to see something, it can simply show that their mind has been programmed to see it. If, for example, the same study was done with men, the results might be very similar. Taking this into account, just because a study shows that women aren’t doing very well in a certain context, it doesn’t necessarily prove that men are to blame. The Truth Even so, this doesn’t mean that some feminists will want to accept this; especially when their whole identity is based around being oppressed by the ‘patriarchy’. If their victim status was taken away, it might cause them to experience an existential crisis; which would make it hard for them to know who they were. This is why women like this need to focus purely on the instances where women are doing badly and to only focus on the instances were men are doing well. What this then does is allow them to blame men for all the problems that women experience. A Different Reality It is then not that pain and struggle is something that all human beings have to endure; no, it is something that only women have to go through. Men, on the other hand, live a life that is full of pleasure and completely free of pain. Ironically, these feminists are also likely to talk about how empowered they are. Perhaps if these feminists were able to get out of their own way and to extend themselves to others, men in particular, they might be able realise how flawed their thinking is. A Cover Up One way of looking at this kind of behaviour would be to say that someone like this finds it hard to detach from themselves and to think rationally. Through being so caught up with their own needs and feelings, it stops them from being able to reflect on their own behaviour and to empathise with others. This is something that can apply to both genders, and it can be a sign that someone is mentally and/or emotionally undeveloped. There may have been a time in their life when they experienced trauma. Inner Conflict In the same way that a man can have trouble with women when he has an issue with his inner feminine, a women can also have problem with men when she has an issue with her inner masculine. Both men and women are made up of masculine and feminine energy, with some men/women being more masculine/feminine than others. Considering this, if a woman has a problem with men, there is the chance that she has problems with the masculine side of her nature. Perhaps there was a time in her life when she was abused by a man. Conclusion A woman’s need to ‘take down the patriarchy’ can simply be a way for her to indirectly get revenge on the man/men who harmed her as a child. Not only this, these early experiences may have caused her to buy into this to begin with. It has been said that feminism is no longer needed in today’s world, and this is partly due to how it divides men and women. But with that aside, maybe the only thing that will put an end to the conflict between men and women will be for people to deal with the conflict that they have with their own inner masculine and feminine. As if someone has a problem with men/women, it is going to be a challenge for them to get on with them. Their outer world will mirror back what they believe about the opposite gender.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are some men who offer their assistance when it is needed, there are others who have a different approach. Here, it is not going to be enough for a man to offer their hand from time to time, they will need to take things further.
An Identity A man can believe that it is not only down to them to save others; they can also believe that it is up to them to save the world. As a result of this, their whole life is likely to revolve around being there for others in one way or another. Their need to be there for others is going to be far more important than their need to be there for themselves. In fact, they might act as though they don’t even have their own needs; there is then going to be no reason for them to focus on themselves. Larger Than Life Through being this way, this man is likely to come across as strong and highly capable, and this means that they might have a lot of charisma. So, even if they are not famous, they could still come across as someone who is. This man could be a manger at a big company or even a CEO, or he could be found at a lower level. Still, regardless of what he does, his presence will often have a big effect on others. Needless When it comes to the people in his life, they may often come across as being incapable and as though they can’t handle life by themselves. This is not going to be a problem though, as this man will generally be on hand to assist them. If they are in a relationship, they could also be with a woman (or a man), who has a lot in common with these people. This is then not going to be a woman who is able to stand on her own two feet. Emotional Detached Along with how this man behaves, there is also the chance that he will come cross as being more rational than emotional. Thus, if he is in a relationship, he could be with a woman who is highly emotional. Being this way is going to make it easier for him to think clearly and to come up with different solutions to other people’s problems. The downside to this is that it is likely to be hard for him to experience intimacy. Deep Down There could be moments when he thinks about how it is up to him to make other people’s lives better; it could be as if he is the chosen one. He is then going to be like some kind of superhero; the only difference is that he won’t have any kind of super power. The feedback that he receives from others can fill him with energy, so he might not feel as though he needs anything else. Taking all this into account, it can seem as though this man is the epitome of a well-adjusted human being. One Big Facade If someone was able to look right into the centre of this man’s being, what they may find is that how he comes across has very little in common with how he feels at a deeper level. He is then going to have a lot in common with a superhero who losses all their power when their suit comes off. In this instance, the man would lose all his power if he was to let go of the mask that he wears. What this will show is that this mask is a way for him to compensate for how he feels deep down. Conflict On one side, he can feel as though he is different or ‘special’, while on the other side, he can feel as though he is worthless, completely powerless, and impotent. Due to this, it will be normal for him to believe that his value is based on what he does and not on who he is. Therefore, the only way that it is going to be possible for him to feel good about himself is to do things for others. His worth will have been externalised, which is why he acts like a human doing and not a human being. What’s going on? When a man experiences life in this way, it can be the result of what took place during his early years. During this time, he might have had a father who was either emotionally unavailable or physically absent. What this would then have done is caused his mother to look to him to fulfil the needs that his father should have fulfilled. He would then have had to fulfil his mother’s needs, as opposed to his mother fulfilling his needs. Emotional Incest His mother wouldn’t have seen him as a separate human being; he would have been seen as an object that was there to fulfil her needs. He would then have had no other choice than to disconnect from his true-self and to create a false-self. The saviour complex that he has as an adult is then something that he had to develop as a young child in order to survive. Said another way, his desire to save others is simply an indirect way for him to save the mother that lives within him. An Impossible Task Being treated in this way as a child would have falsely empowered him, and set him up to believe that it was his responsibility to solve other people problems. Ultimately, it wasn’t up to him to fulfil his mother’s needs; he was a young boy who needed love, care and nurturance, not to be his mothers surrogate husband. His mother took advantage of him, but this doesn’t mean that she did this knowingly. There is the chance that she was also used in the same way by her father (or mother) when she was younger, with this making it more or less impossible for her to open her heart to another adult. A Hard Nut to Crack One of the big problems with this kind of abuse is that is can be extremely hard to identify. For one thing, a man can come be confident and a high-achiever, and as he won’t have been hit or sexually abused, he can believe that he wasn’t abused. He can then believe that there was nothing wrong with his childhood, or he can just blame his father for not being there. Additionally, a man can have the need to stay loyal to his mother and to protect her, and this can stop him from being able to face up to what happened and to embrace his true feelings. Awareness If a man can relate to this, and he is ready to let go of this role, he may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Shortly after the allegations were made about Harvey Weinstein, the “#MeToo" hashatag went viral on social media. This gave people the chance to speak out about the sexual assault and harassment that they had experienced in the workplace.
In The Beginning It has been said that the original purpose of this hashatag was, “to empower women through empathy, especially the experiences of young and vulnerable brown or black women”, and the person behind this was, Tarana Burke. After this, Alyssa Milano offered her support for this phrase, with her encouraging people to use it if they had experienced sexual harassment and assault. This was also seen as a way to find out how widespread this is in today’s world. However, as more and more people from all over the world began to use this phrase, its meaning gradually changed. A Watershed Moment But with that aside, what is clear is that this hashtag has given so many people a voice, a vice that they clearly haven’t had before. And when someone’s being has been violated by another human being, this is exactly what they need. Their sense of safety and security will have been shattered, and it is then going to be vital for them to be heard. This can then allow them to feel acknowledged and validated, and something can then be done about what has taken place. Two Parts Firstly, there can be what will need to take place in regards to the person or people who caused them harm, and, secondly, there can be the kind of mental and emotional support that someone will need. For example, if someone has been raped, they might need therapy. And it might not matter if this took place a number of years ago, as their mind and body could still be in a traumatised state. If this is the case, it could be challenge for them to handle their day-to-day life. Reaching Out Simply positing a hashtag on social media is not necessarily going to do much, and there is also the chance that they feel even more vulnerable through telling others about what happened to them. It will then be essential for them to find a therapist or a healer to work with, someone who understands what they have been through and who can guide them through this process. What they have been through will have had a big impact on them and carrying on as before is not going to be an option. They didn’t deserve to be treated in this way and they don’t deserve to suffer, either. A Tainted Movement The trouble is that as the meaning of this hashtag has changed, it has meant that it is being used willy nilly. So, instead of someone being raped as an adult or sexually abused as a child, for instance, as an adult they might have had their leg touched or had sex that wasn’t very fulfilling. What this then one does is trivialises the occasions when someone has truly suffered. When something like this happens, the person who uses this hashtag clearly has a different motive to someone who has actually suffered. It has been Hijacked If someone has had their leg touched or their shoulder touched, is this really the same as being raped or sexually abused as a child? Or having sex and then regretting it the day after? This is something that a number of feminists are firmly behind, with this being another way for them to control and demonise all men. These are the women who like to talk about how ‘privileged’ all men are, while completely overlooking their own ‘privilege’ Infantilisation In their eyes, all men are bad and/or rapists and women are oppressed victims, who have absolutely no agency. Based on this, men are adults but women are dependent children who need protecting. What this then does is stop women from being responsible for their own life and, if this is the case, then men are to blame. Women are then like angels who are incapable of doing anything wrong. The Death of Due Process Therefore, if a man is accused of harassment or sexual misconduct, he will be guilty until proven innocent. The fact that a woman has said that this is what has happened will be the only thing that matters. With one accusation, regardless of whether it is true or not, a man’s reputation and livelihood can be completely destroyed. Would this happen if men had all the power, or if we lived in a ‘patriarchy’ and women were ‘oppressed’? One Big Illusion One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason why these feminists have spent so much time feeding into the narrative that men are ‘privilege’, is to hide their own privilege. Then have then accused the opposite gender of what which they are – they are either not aware of this or they are extremely cunning. They are not interested in facts; they are only interested in pushing their own agenda. The only information and experiences that they are interested in is what backs up what they believe. Back To Reality Men are not infallible and, believe it or not, women are the same; not everything that comes out of their mouth is the truth. In the same way that men can be attention seekers, women can also be the same. Taking this into account, it is clear that it is not a good idea to believe that a man must be guilty if a woman has accused him of doing something wrong. And if this is hard for someone to accept, they only need to think about how crazy it would be to believe everything that came out of a man’s mouth. Conclusion It is easy to attack men in today’s world and to tar them all with the same brush, yet all this does is divide men and women. Perhaps the feminists who are behind this have a lot of conflict within them, wanting to make the world in their own image. They are then not going to be completely satisfied until all men and women are as miserable as they are. Fortunately, a truly empowered woman – a woman who doesn’t perceive herself as a victim - is not going to be interested in any of this
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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