In today’s world, someone can have the need to find out about what another person’s political views are before they are willing to take things further. Whether they are left leaning or right leaning will make a big difference.
However, if someone is using an online dating app, they might not even wait this long. In this case, they can find out before they take things further, and this is going to save them a lot of time. A Big Deal One is going to believe that another person’s political views are incredibly important, and it is then not going to be possible for them to overlook this area of life when it comes to finding a partner. As a result of this, it might not matter if they were to meet someone who meets all their other requirements. There is the chance that one also has friends who are like this, and this could mean that some of their friends will be in a relationship with someone who has the same views as them. Yet, even if one is not looking for a relationship and only wants something fairly casual, they could still look for someone who has the same outlook as they do. One Reason One could say that this it is important that someone has the same outlook as they do because of how important politics is. Based on this, one is likely to spend a lot of time looking into this area of life. The kind of papers that they read, for instance, are likely to lean the side of the political spectrum that they do. Perhaps one has the same political views that their parents had, or maybe their time in the education system is what has defined their outlook. Black and White One might still be at college or university, with this being an environment that is more likely to be in favour of the left than the right. And, if one wants someone to have the same view as they do, this can also mean that they believe that they are right. It is then not that they are closed minded and are unwilling to consider another person’s point of view; no, it is that their view is the only viewpoint that is acceptable. With this in mind, it is going to be natural for them to ‘unmatch’ or ignore someone who has a different view to them, or to end a date or to not see someone again if they have a different view. Another Angle This is then going to be similar to someone who only dates people who support the same sports team or who like the same type of dogs. Now, it could be said that these examples are far more trivial. These kinds of things are generally not going to have that much of an effect on whether two people will get on. But while someone’s political views can be seen as being important, it doesn’t mean that this is always the case. Following the Crowd Let’s say that one only leans to the left or the right, due to what their friends or teachers have told them, for instance. Consequently, they won’t have taken the time to come to their own conclusions. One can then meet someone who has a different view to them and reject them, stopping them from having their own views challenged. Alternatively, if one was to listen to what they have to say, they might change their outlook. Closed Minded They could describe themselves as open-minded and even tolerate, but this is not going to be the complete truth. It might be more accurate to say that they will be open to hearing what people have to say if they have the same views as they do, with this being something that they will tolerate. If they are this way, they are going to be ill-prepared to have a functional relationship. Part of having a relationship with another person involves being able to empathise with them and to respect their views and opinions. One Extreme to Another Clearly, one doesn’t want to be with someone who they have absolutely nothing in common with, but that doesn’t mean that the alternative is to end up with someone who is exactly the same. If one wants someone who always agrees with them and, therefore doesn’t challenge them, they may as well get a cat or a dog. What is also part of a having relationship is being able to discuss things in a mature manner, and this doesn’t mean shutting down or losing all self-control. Taking this into account, it might be far better for one to look for someone who is open-minded and willing to have their views questioned than it would be to find someone who has the same political views as they do, and this means that they will also need to be the same. A Number of Benefits Not only will this allow them to talk about their own political views and to grow; it will also allow them to talk about all areas of life and to grow mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. One could end up with someone who has the same views as they do when it comes to politics, but that doesn’t mean that they will have a fulfilling relationship; especially if this person hasn’t even thought about what they believe. Conclusion When one is with someone who has the same views as they do, it can allow them to be right. This is something that the mind wants more than anything else; as far as the mind is concerned, to be wrong is to die. Yet, in order for one to grow and to develop, they will need to accept that being wrong is part of life. Through accepting this and realising that being wrong won’t cause them to die, it might allow them to be more open-minded and tolerant.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When an area of land has been fenced off, it is likely to show that it is private property. As a result of this, someone is going to need permission in order to walk on the land; that is, of course, unless they own it or know the person who does.
If someone was to ignore this and used the land anyway, they will have ignored the boundary that had been created. This could be just a one-off, or not something that they do very often. A Big Difference Even if they have done this before, it doesn’t mean that they won’t respect other people’s boundaries. They could generally do what they can to make sure that they don’t walk over others. If this is the case, it is likely to show that one has a clear sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. This will give them the ability to realise if they are trying to walk over someone else or if someone else is trying to walk over them. Empathy Ultimately, being this way will make it easier for them to put themselves in another person’s shoes. As if they were to simply walk over someone, they would soon end up feeling guilty about it. They would know that they have violated another person’s personal pace, and this would soon cause them to change their behaviour. Though being this way, it is likely to be normal for someone to feel safe in their presence. Intimacy Unless someone feels uncomfortable with opening up, there will be no reason for them to hold back. They will know that one is going to allow them to express themselves and is not going to talk over them or judge them. What this can then mean is that their relationships are going to be very fulfilling, with this having a positive effect on their wellbeing. And through having good boundaries themselves, they will also feel safe enough to share their inner world with the right people. The Right Upbringing When one experiences life in this way, it could show that this is how they have been for most of their life. Perhaps their early years were a time when their boundaries were generally respected, thereby allowing them to develop in the right way. They would then have been brought up by people who had good boundaries themselves, which is why they were able to develop boundaries. Then again, they may have had to develop boundaries in their later years. A Different Reality On the other hand, when someone has the tendency to walk on other people’s property, they could also be this way in their day-to-day life. Walking on land that isn’t theirs or violating someone’s personal space is going to be the norm. Their modus operandi could be: I will do what I want, when I want, and I don’t care what the consequences are. One is then not going to have a clear idea of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. A Lack of Empathy What is also likely to play a part here is that they might find it hard to empathise with others. Through being cut-off from their own feelings, it is going to be a lot easier for them to behave in this manner. So, when they are violating other people’s personal space, they won’t feel bad, and, after this has taken place, they probably won’t feel bad either. Or, if they do feel bad, they could rationalise what they have done. Revenge Due to how they behave, they could be used to being treated badly by others, and this can cause them to experience a lot of anger and even rage. Treating other people badly and doing whatever they want can be seen as a way for them to get their own back. It won’t matter that most of the people they harm haven’t done anything to them, as they could put everyone in the same box. One might believe that the world is out to get them, while being completely oblivious to the part that they play in their own downfall. Attack or Be Attacked Deep down, one might believe that walking over others is the only way for them to stop other people form walking over them. One is then not behaving in this way just for the sake of it; it is a matter of survival. If they were to no longer behave in this way, they might end up feeling extremely vulnerable and exposed. The impression that they give off is that they are strong, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion A Wounded Child One is going to be boundaryless and, until they feel safe in their own body, their behaviour is unlikely to change. What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were brought up by at least one person who walked over them. This may have meant that they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have been incredibly traumatising. The people, who were supposed to love and protect them, would have been the ones who violated them. Awareness Deep within them can be a wounded a child, a child that wants to feel safe, loved, protected, and heard. This can be hard to believe; especially if one has been walked over by someone like this. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If a woman was asked to talk about what she thinks holds women back in life, she may say that it is themselves. What this might then show is that she has an internal locus of control.
On the other hand, another woman could be asked the same question, and she could say that it is men. As a result of this, it is likely to show that he has an external locus of control. One Difference When it comes to the first woman, there is the chance that he will see herself as an individual, as opposed to being part of a group or a movement. Said another way, she will be a women but, first and foremost, she will be a human being. However, when it comes to the second woman, there is the chance that she will be a ‘feminist’. Being part of this movement can then take precedence, and it might not even occur to her she is an individual. The Main Thing Consequently, she is going to be part of the human race, but first and foremost, she will be a woman. It can then be as though she is part of a different species, with this species being women. Her main concern is going to be to do what they can to make life better for herself and her fellow women, and not what she can do to assist humanity as a whole. It can be as if women live in their own bubble and, the only way to assist them will be focus purely on their concerns. Shinning the Light At the same time, a woman could have an internal locus on control and still be a feminist, but if this is the case, she is unlikely to behave in the same way as a feminist that has an external locus of control. Having an internal locus of control will allow someone to feel as though they have control over their life, whereas an external locus of control wont. With this in mind, if a woman has an external locus of control, it is not going to be a surprise for her to believe that men are in control of her life. She will feel completely powerless, so there will be absolutely nothing that she can do directly to change her life. A Power Struggle Through feeling so powerless, it is to be expected that she will be part of a movement; this will allow her to avoid how she feels. If she was to stand as an individual, for instance, this wouldn’t happen. The power that she experiences, through being part of this movement, will be attained by having power over others. She can then call herself a ‘feminist’ and look virtuous, but she can be no different to someone who controls others. Justified But while there will be people who will see that she needs to develop an internal locus of control, she is unlikely to realise this. There is a strong chance that she is not even aware of how she perceives life. This could just be seen as the truth, meaning that she will have every right to control men; with the help of other women and men. It will be black and white, with women being the oppressed and men being the oppressors. Selective Perception A woman like this will be wearing invisible glasses that cause her to see everything through the lens of gender. It won’t matter that there are moments in every man and woman’s life when they have good and bad moments, or that there are women on this planet who are far more ‘privileged’ than many men. Yet, if her mind has been heavily propagandised by the education system and/or the media, for instance, it is not going to be a surprise for her to see life in this way. After all, human beings don’t see with their eyes; they see with their mind. Idealisation In order for a woman to believe that all men have it easy and that all women are oppressed/victims, it is going to be necessary for her to put men on a pedestal. Through seeing men in this way, it is then normal for her to believe that they have it easy. When something like this takes place, it is usually a sign that someone is trying to avoid how they feel. The reason for this is that this is a defence mechanism, which is something that the mind uses to disconnect from the emotional pain that arises from the body. Self-Awareness It doesn’t take much effort to see that a woman will suffer if she believes that she has no control over her life. Subsequently, she is likely to be carrying a lot of pain within her that needs to be avoided. Through having this outlook and carrying this pain, she is going to have a victim energy about her, and this is going to cause her to attract things that validate what she believes. But as she is attached to what is taking place within her and unable to observe her inner world and, therefore, to see how her inner world is affecting her outer world, what she experiences will just be seen as more evidence that what she believes is the truth. A Barrier She will be nothing more than an observer of her reality and the onus will be on men to change. One of the big problems here is that this kind of behaviour is supported by mainstream society. Not only are people in general not encouraged to take responsibility for their own life; it is socially acceptable for a woman to blame men for all her problems. Men are then so ‘privileged’ that they have to put up with being constantly attacked and seen as the root of all problems. A Deeper Look If a woman has an external locus of control, there is the chance that there was a time in her life when she felt extremely powerless and helpless. This moment, or a number of moments, would then have caused her to believe that she has no effect on the external world. The fact that she has an issue with all men can show that it was a man who made her feel this way. What took place with one man would then have gone on to define how she perceived all men. Trauma This could be something that took place when she was a young child; maybe her father abused her in some way. How she feels as an adult will then be how she felt as a child, and her beliefs about men will also have been formed during this time. Ergo, through identifying with what happened all those years ago, it is not possible for her to live in the present. That time in her life is long gone, but she is keeping it alive by not working through the pain and the beliefs that were formed. Conclusion If we lived in a society that encouraged self-awareness and taking responsibility for our own issues, there would be no reason for a grown woman to have an external locus of control. There is nothing empowering about being this way, and the fact that feminism often encourages women to see themselves as victims is surely a clear sign that it is not necessarily there to benefit them. Taking this into account, if a woman does feel powerless and as though she has no control over her life, it might be a good idea for her to work with a therapist or a healer. By dealing with the trauma that is within her, she will be taking the steps to be able to be an empowered individual.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is often said that more men need to get in touch how they feel and to feel comfortable enough to express what is taking place within them. Said another way, they need to embrace their feminine side.
However, while this is what is often said, it doesn’t mean that this is the only challenge that some men have. What is also an issue is that a lot of men are out of touch with their masculine side. One Extreme to the Other With this in mind, it might be more accurate to say that a lot of men need to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground and to take action, among other things. If men were, in general, too ‘hard’ in the past; they are now, in general, too ‘soft’. But if a man doesn’t come across in this way, it could mean that he will feel the need to throw his weight away. This is then a way for him to compensate for how weak he feels on the inside. A Number of Factors There are clearly a number of things to consider when it comes to how so many men behave in the western world. For one thing, so many men grew up without a father, or had a father who was emotionally unavailable. The lack of male guidance doesn’t end there, though, as during a man’s time in the education system, he may have mainly had female teachers. There is also the effect that the media has. A Negative View Here, men are often portrayed as being ‘bad’ and as the gender that needs to be dealt with in order to make the world a better place. The identity politics of the left, for instance, is all about bashing men and most of the media is left leaning. But even if a man doesn’t pay attention to his source of information, it doesn’t mean that he will miss out on all this propaganda. This is because the entertainment industry is also permeated by the same ideology. Worn Down So, while men (white men in particular) are often seen as being ‘privileged’, it might be more appropriate to say that they are under attack and undermined by society. Taking into account the average man’s early years and the kind of conditioning that he would have received as time went by; it is not hard to comprehend why a man would find it hard to assert himself in the world. If he wasn’t given the care that he needed to feel good about himself as a young boy, it can be hard for him to receive positive feedback that he needs as an adult. What he hears in the media, and other sources, can just validate what he already believes about himself at deeper level. A Closer Look When a man can’t assert himself and finds it hard to feel good, for instance, it is naturally going to have a big effect on his life. The part of him that wants to take action and to achieve things is going to be immobilised. And as this part of his nature is not being expressed, it can cause him to suffer from depression. His life won’t be going as he wants it to, but he can feel powerless to do anything about it. Blown Around As a result of this, he could be addicted to different things, which is going to make him feel even worse. If he can’t assert himself, it is likely to show that he lacks a strong sense of self. What this will mean is that he will lack boundaries, meaning that he can end up being tossed around by life. Instead of being the centre of his own world, he can act as though he is an extension of others. Two Big Areas It is then highly unlikely that he will have a successful career, he could have menial job; if he does do something that he enjoys, he might not allow himself to go to the next level. His relationships might not be any better, either. If he is in a relationship with a woman, he might be used to being walked over and abused; then again, he might be with woman who treats him well, but he could find it hard to commit to her. But if he is not with a woman, he could have been with a number of women who didn’t treat him well or who he couldn’t commit to, or he might not even have been with a woman before. Zoning In It would be easy to say that what a man has gone through in the education system and the programming he has received by the media, for instance, is just as powerful as what took place when he was younger. What this would overlook is that there are men who would have had a different childhood experience and, thus, have not been effected in the same way by the society that they live in. With this in mind, if a man is out of touch with this own masculinity, it is going to be vital for him to look into what took place during his formative years. Doing so might shed some light as to why he is experiencing life in this way. Way Back If he grew up without a father during this time, or had a father who wasn’t emotionally available, it may have meant that his mother got too close to him. This is often described as ‘emotional incest’, with this being what happens when a parent looks to their child to give them what should be provided by another adult. What this would then have done is stopped him from being able to individuate, thereby stopping him from being able to develop in the right way. Being treated in this way, may have caused him to feel special on one side and to hate his mother on the other. Emotionally Undeveloped As it wasn’t possible for him to individuate, this would have stopped him from being able to develop boundaries and a strong sense of self. He would stay in a symbiotic state, being nothing more than an extension of his mother. The masculine part of his nature, the part that wanted to assert itself and to break away, would have been rejected. Instead, he would have felt guilty and ashamed of this part of his nature, and, out of his need to please his mother, he would have stayed small, emotionally dependent and emasculated. Two Parts He can hate his mother, his father, and himself, and while it would be easy to focus exclusively on the damage that his mother caused, his dad also played a part by not being there for him. Out of his need to protect his mother, he may feel more comfortable getting angry at his father, and there could be moments when he internalises his anger, with this causing him to feel down and worthless. Through being emotionally enmeshed to his mother, it can be normal for him to not only have the need to please her, but to have the need to please women in general; with this being a matter of survival. The hate he feels towards his own father can also be directed towards other men, authority figures in particular. A Process Physically, he will be a man, but emotionally, he will be wounded boy. Embracing his masculine aspect and developing a strong sense of self is not necessarily going to be easy, yet it can be done. Firstly, he can feel the need to stay loyal to his mother, and it will then be essential for him to stay small, undeveloped, and to please her. Secondly, there can be the trauma that he will need to work through. Awareness If a man can relate to this, and wants to change his life, it might be a good idea for him to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one has the desire to meet someone who is spiritual, it could show that they are also spiritual. At the same time, it could be said that regardless of whether one sees themselves as spiritual or not, it doesn’t change the fact that they are spiritual.
It is then not that some people are spiritual and some people aren’t, it is that some people are aware of their true nature and some people are not. But with that aside, one is likely to have a clear idea about what someone needs to be like. The Requirements This could mean that they want to be with someone who is in tune with themselves, is loving and kind, cares about the world, and has a certain amount of empathy, for instance. They may also have the desire to be with someone who is onto different practises and has learned different techniques, such as: mediation or tarot reading. The traits that they are looking for in someone else could be a reflection of what they are like. When they come into contact with someone like this, they could believe that they have met “the one”. Another Experience At the same time, one could come into contact with someone who is ‘spiritual’ even though they are not looking to be with someone like this. In the beginning, they might not know what to think about them. But due to what they say, and how they come across, one could believe that this person is right for them. Additionally, the people in their life could also believe that one has met their match. Onwards and Upwards As the days go by, it could be clear that they have made the right decision, and this might come as a surprise. That is, of course, if they were not looking to be with someone who is ‘spiritual’. Yet, if they set out to meet someone like this, they are less likely to be surprised by how well it is going with this person. In this case, it could seem as though they have met their ‘soul mate’. Looking Back If one was consciously looking for someone who is ‘spiritual’, it could mean that they have been with people like this in the past. This would then have given them the belief that people like this are a good match for them. On the other hand, if one wasn’t looking for someone like this, they might not have come across anyone like this in the past. Through having an open mind, it allowed them to embrace the opportunity that had been placed in front of them. A Different Outcome Alternatively, one could end up with someone like this and they could soon be in for a surprise. It then won’t matter if they wanted to be with someone who is ‘spiritual’ or not, as they could find it hard to understand what is going on. Therefore, if one was looking for someone who is ‘spiritual’, the outlook that they had at the beginning is not going to match up with the outlook they have as time goes by. But even if one wasn’t looking for someone who is ‘spiritual’, they will also notice a difference. An Act One could find that even though this person said that they were ‘spiritual’, they are actually no different to anyone else who they have been with. This could mean that they will have all kinds of issues that they haven’t dealt with. Thus, in the same way that someone can wear white to look pure and enlightened, this person will have created an identity that allows them to create the impression that they are different, and even special. When in reality, they are simply going to be running away from themselves, whilst looking good in the process. Reading between the Lines What one might then come to see is that even though someone describes themselves as ‘spiritual’ and engages in different practices, it doesn’t really mean anything. Being this way can be similar to someone who goes to church every Sunday and looks like a ‘good’ citizen, but who comes home every night and harms his/her partner and/or who abuses their children. Ultimately, it is a false-self that someone has created to not only lie to others, but to lie to themselves. Being ‘spiritual’ is easy, what isn’t easy is for someone to work through their own pain. Two Sides After this, one could feel let down and as though they have been taken advantage of, thereby causing them to feel like a victim. What this is not going to do is to allow one to move forward and to change their life. Another approach would be for them to look into why they ended up with someone like this. This person could be mirroring back what one needs to work on within themselves. For Example Let’s say that one was verbally abused by this person and this resulted in them feeling worthless. There is the chance that one already felt this way to begin with, which is why they were attracted to someone like this. Or, one may have found that the other person was distant or emotionally unavailable, which might have caused them to feel rejected and/or abandoned. Once again, this could be an emotional experience that has been with them for quite some time. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to deal with the pain that is within them, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Do Some Feminists Help To Perpetuate The "Woman Are Too Emotional" Stereotype?8/2/2018
Recently, ‘walk-on girls’ and ‘grid girls’ have received a lot of exposure in the mainstream media. The main reason for this is that these women are no longer going to be able to do these jobs.
While these women, as well as other women, are not happy about this; there are other women who are pleased with what has taken place. Some of the women who are pleased with this are ‘feminists’. Divided It would then be easy to believe that this is an outcome that all feminists are on a board with. And, as these are supposed to be women who care about women’s rights, they must know what is best for women. This is not the case, though; as there are a number of feminists who have condemned what has taken place. For these women, what has taken place goes against what they stand for; which is for women to be free to live their own life. Another Barrier These ‘walk-on girls’ and ‘ring girls’ will have made the decision to work in this kind of industry, yet this is no longer possible. But the reason that this is no longer possible is not because of the so-called ‘patriarchy’; no, it is because of what other women have done. It could then be said that these feminists are not interested in “liberating” women - this is just an act. What these feminists want is for women to live in a way that is in alignment with their own views about how a woman should live her life. Mini-Tyrants One then has to wonder what it is that motivates these feminists to do what they do and if they are even aware of their true motives. Someone like this can make out that they care about women and want to make their life better. Perhaps, if they were to step back and to look into what is taking place within them, they may find that they feel completely powerless. Their need to control how other women live their life is then a way for them to experience control. Bad Press Clearly, when so many feminists behave in this manner it is not going to do feminism any favours. Still, it could be said that it was only a matter of time before these feminists turned on the people they were supposed to help. Men in general have long been a target of these kinds of feminists, so it is to be expected that they would move onto having a go at women. Based on how these feminists behave, it might be a good idea for them to let go of their need to change the world and to deal with their inner world instead. Self-Destruction This is then similar to how someone can gently prod a dog and nothing will happen, but if they go further, the dog will turn around and bite them. In the same way, men have been verbally abused by these feminists for years and nothing has really happened, but as these feminists have gone one step further and started to undermine women, they may find that it becomes harder for them to get away with this kind of behaviour. If this is what takes place, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to realise why this has taken place. Due to the fact that these kinds of feminists often lack–self awareness, there is a strong chance that they will play the victim. The Usual Approach This can then be seen as a sign of how oppressed they are, as opposed to the fact that they played a part in their own downfall. What this scenario has a lot in common with is when a bully provokes someone and, after the days and weeks go by, this person ends up fighting back and beating them up. Yet, instead of the bully realising why this has happened, they make out that they are the victim. It can then as if this type of feminist is oblivious to when they are victimising others, but is only too aware of when they are being victimised (or think they are being victimised), This can show that they only able to function in one of two ways; either they are the victim or they are the perpetrator. There is no other way for them to experience life. Another Example And when they are on TV, for instance, it is often a challenge for them to control themselves. Or if they don’t come across as being emotionally out of control, they might come across as though they are dead inside. When it comes to the former, they are going to find it hard to think rationally and they are likely to look crazy, which will cause some people to believe that all feminists are insane. But it doesn’t end there, as this kind of behaviour is going to have a negative effect on how some men perceive women. Black and White Thinking Now, it could be said that very few feminists are like this and not many women are like this either, so it shouldn’t matter what a small minority do. However, one of the main reasons why they will have a negative effect on this movement and women comes down to the amount of exposure they receive. For example, a man can believe that “women are too emotional”, and after watching one of these feminists on TV, it is going to validate what he believes. His mind is then going to block out examples of when women don’t behave in this manner, yet this is going to be no different to what happens when a feminist believes that all men are bad or rapists, for instance. Conclusion If every feminist had the same agenda and was a mentally balanced human being, it might be easier for this movement to create the right impression. What is clear is that it is going to be far better for this movement if the only feminists that are given a platform are the mentally sound ones. Having feminists on TV, who should probably be working on their own issues and not on trying to change the world, is going to do more harm than good. The trouble is that as they lack self-awareness and are running away from themselves, it can be incredibly difficult for them to get the help that they desperately need – in the same way that an addict is often the last person to believe that they have a problem.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are some women who attract men who are in touch with their masculine strength, while there are others who don’t. As a result of this, their experiences with the opposite sex are going to be very different.
One Experience If a woman is used to being with men who are in touch with their masculine strength, it can mean that she is used to having fulfilling relationships. When she is with man who is like this, she is unlikely to feel like his mother. Perhaps she will feel as though she has met her equal; someone who is at her level. This will mean that she will be able to be there for him and he will be able to be there for her. Self-Expression Not only will she be able to express herself around him, he will also be able to do the same thing. Said another way, there will be no reason for either of them to please each other and to neglect their own needs. So, even though they will be in a relationship, they won’t need to lose themselves and to play a role. The woman will feel safe enough to express her femininity and the man will feel safe enough to express his masculinity. Integrated Human Beings Along with this, the woman will also feel safe enough to embrace her masculine aspect and the man will feel safe enough to express his feminine aspect. This is why the woman will be able to stand her ground and the man will be able to express how he feels, for instance. And as they both feel comfortable with their inner masculine and feminine, there will be a lot less conflict in their relationship. If, on the other hand, they had issues with their inner masculine and feminine, this would cause problems in their relationship. Self-Awareness Yet, even if they do have issues within them, they will have the ability to step back and to reflect, thereby allowing themselves to work through whatever arises. This will allow them to take responsibility for their own issues. When a woman ends up with men like this, or is currently with a man like this, it could show that she had done a fair amount of work on herself. If this is the case, she will have worked for it; it won’t have just happened. A Different Reality Conversely, if a woman is used to being with men who are not in touch with their masculine strength, it can mean that she is used to having unfulfilling relationships. There is the chance that she is currently with a man like this at the moment. She is unlikely to feel as though she has met her equal; it could seem as though she is with a boy. This is someone who is unlikely to stand his ground, and he could do just about everything he can to please her. A Weak Man Now, this will allow her to fulfil certain needs, but what it won’t do is allow her to respect the man that she is with. Deep down, she will have the need to be with a man who does stand up for himself and doesn’t just act like a door mat. If the man is angry about something, he will probably act in a passive aggressive manner or he might completely lose control. Therefore, it is not going to be possible for him to listen to how he feels and then to act assertively. Two Sides Consciously, being with a man like this can cause a woman to feel frustrated and angry, but at a deeper level, this can be what feels safe. In the same way, experiencing life in this way can cause a man to feel angry and powerless, but deep down; it can also be what feels safe. When it comes to the man, what this can show is that his mother emasculated him, with her fear of men being at the root. Additionally, his father might not have been emotionally available or he might not have even been around. Staying Small His mother may have been with abusive men and/or she may have been abused by her father when she was growing up. Thus, in order for her to keep her fear of men/trauma at bay, she did what she could to stop her son from being able to grow up. This is not to say that she did this consciously, though, as it is likely to have taken place without her even realising it. Consequently, her son would have grown up to fear his own masculinity and to have the need to please women. Staying Safe When it comes to the woman, there is the chance that she was brought up by a father who was abusive. Being with a man who is completely out of touch with his masculine strength will then allow her to keep her fear of men/trauma at bay. The image that she presents to the world could be one of strength and competence, but at a deeper level, she could feel like a traumatised child. A submissive man is not going to be what she truly wants, but she won’t have to feel like she did as a child when she is with him. Looking Within What this shows is how someone’s early childhood experiences influence how they experience life as an adult. The trouble is that as time passes, someone can lose touch with what happened and disconnect from how they felt, which can cause them to project their issues onto other people. This will stop them from being able to see that what they see ‘out there’ is simply a reflection of what is going on within them. Without this understanding, it can be normal for someone to blame the opposite gender for all their problems. Awareness If a man or woman can relate to what has been said above, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Whilst I was helping a friend to move house a number of years ago, I ended up meeting someone there who was into self-development. It didn’t take long for me to see that we had a lot in common.
Not only this, he also worked as a photographer and made videos. I thought that everything was falling into place and that it would only be a matter of time before we were making videos and documentaries together. Another Reason However, while I had everything worked out in my mind and believed that we had been brought together to create videos, I soon found out that this wasn’t the case. In reality, I had come into contact with someone who would teach me a hell of a lot. When I look back on this time in my life, it was as though I had all this energy but it wasn’t being used in the right way. I would say that the person I had met, on the other hand, had been around the block a few times, so to speak, and had his feet firmly on the ground. A Human Doing At this stage in my life, I was focused on doing things and trying to go further with my writing career. This was just part of it, though; the other part was that I would often feel angry and frustrated with how things were going. It was then similar to having a lot of fire power, but not being able to hit any of the targets that had been pinpointed. Still, I did what I could to not get caught up in these moments in my life and to keep going. A Different Approach This person wasn’t extremely motivated, which meant that he wasn’t tearing around trying to achieve things. I found it hard to understand what was going on, and I couldn’t work out why he wasn’t more motivated. I would often ask him if he felt the need to achieve certain things and, when he said that he didn’t, I thought it was strange. But while I thought this was strange, he probably thought that it was strange that I needed to achieve so much. The Big Question During the moments when we would get together, he would often ask me why I wanted to do something and what I was looking to receive after I had experienced something. When he first started asking me this, I felt as though I was being judged. I thought that he was asking me this because he was against what I wanted to achieve and the experiences that I was having. As far as I was concerned, I was on the right track so there was no need for me to change my approach. A Seed Had Been Planted Yet even though I felt uncomfortable when he asked me this, I did my best to answer the question. After our time together had come to an end, I would think about what he said but I would soon think about other things. What had stopped me from being able to change my behaviour was that I felt worthless – I had to achieve things to feel good about myself. Along with this, I had been spending time with people who were just as driven as I was. Trapped If I had listened to my feelings and ignored what he said, I wouldn’t have been able to reflect on what he said. I would have believed that he was trying to hold me back and I might even have pulled away. However, while this would have stopped me from feeling uncomfortable, it wouldn’t have allowed me to grow. I would then have done everything I could to “kill the messenger” and I probably would have suffered as time went by. A New Beginning Instead of gradually being able to settle down and to realise my value, I might still be tearing around trying to achieve things and getting angry and frustrated in the process. Also, he wasn’t asking me these questions to undermine me; he was asking them to find out if I was aware of why I was doing something or had done something. What this makes me think about is how our feelings are not always right, and if we always allow them to define our behaviour it will set us up to suffer. Being able to step back and to observe out inner processes is vital. The Messenger If we had made more films and these conversations didn’t take place, I might still be doing the same things. Therefore, although I believed that I needed new videos at this stage in my life, what I actually needed was a new outlook. This is one of the reasons why I am grateful that I came into contact with Wain Gordon. If you would like to find out more about, Wain, and the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For some people, it is a case of either controlling others or being controlled; there is no middle ground. Even so, this doesn’t mean that this is something that goes through their mind.
Completely Unaware Instead, one can feel compelled to do whatever they can to control other people. As a result of this, they are not going to think about the effect that their behaviour has on others and, even if they do, it might not have much of an effect on them. Ultimately, one is going to be consumed by their own needs, and this is why they won’t be able to empathise with others. This is then not going to define part of their life; it will define their whole life. Inhibited When it comes to the people in their life, it is going to be a challenge for them to express themselves. Someone won’t be able to just relax and to let go; they will need to be on guard. Through being this way, it will be a lot easier for them to handle this kind of behaviour; whereas if they were to let go and to relax, they would soon be in for a shock. Being this way is going to be far less stressful. No Resistance If someone behaves in this manner, it is going to show that they are not willing to fight back or to walk away. So, as bad as it will be for them to be controlled by another person, it won’t be enough for them to cut their ties. And, if they do fight back and stand up for themselves from time to time, they are still going to be putting up with abusive behaviour. It is then going to be similar to someone who complains about the food they are eating, but they continue to eat it. The Main Reason Now, it could be said that the reason someone like this would put up with this kind of behaviour is because they have been worn down. They would then have been in a good place when they met them, yet this changed over time. It would then be accurate to say that they are a victim and that the person who is controlling them is the perpetrator. This is then something that is black and white, with their life being out of their control. Another Angle Another way of looking at this would be to say that the only reason they ended up in this position is due to the fact that this is what feel comfortable at a deeper level. On the outside, it will seem as though they are being victimised, but in reality, they will have allowed this to take place. This doesn’t mean that one has consciously chosen to end up in this position. What it can show is that they were brought up to tolerate this kind of behaviour, which is why they feel comfortable with controlling behaviour as an adult. The Modern Day World It can be hard for the average person to understand this, and this is largely due to how society perceives this kind of dynamic. Someone is like this is going to be seen as a victim and there will be no thought as to why they ended up in this type of relationship. In addition to this, the western world is primarily concerned about what is going place externally, meaning that the inner world is generally ignored. A natural consequence of this is that very things that shape someone’s life - their beliefs, feelings and thoughts, for instance - end up being overlooked. A New Paradigm Until mainstream society changes how it views people who end up in abusive relationships and pays attention to how our inner world affects out outer world, a lot of people will continue to suffer unnecessarily. But as the western world rewards people who see themselves as a victim, this is unlikely to happen any time soon. Therefore, it is down to an individual to break through their conditioning and to find this out for themselves. They can’t rely on society to do this for them; if anything, the society they live in doesn’t care about their own liberation. The Controller When it comes to the person who is controlling, there is a strong chance that they have been this way for most of their life. So, not only will it be a challenge for the people in their life to relax and to let go, it will also be the same for them. Their need to control just about everything in their environment will stop them from being able to embrace the present moment and to just be. Their body is likely to be stiff and tense, with this part of them being a reflection of how uptight they are up top. Avoidance Their need to control what other people can and can’t do is likely to be a means to an end; nothing more, nothing less. If they don’t do this, they are likely to feel anxious and fearful, and under this they could feel powerless and helpless. Controlling others is then a way for them to stop themselves from feeling as though they have absolutely no control. How they feel at a deeper level is likely to be how they felt throughout their early years. Child Abuse During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. This would have been a time when they experienced trauma, and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything it. In order for them to stop themselves from feeling this way, they would have disconnected from their feelings and created a false-self. At this age, this might have been the only option that was available. The Early Wound This is not always what takes place, though; as someone can also identify with how they felt at this age, thereby, causing them to develop a victim mentality. Someone like this is then going to end up with another person who was also abused, but who has disconnected from the pain that is within them. The trauma that each of them experienced as children is then what has brought them together as adults. It might be hard for them to remember what took place when they were younger, yet it will still be having a big effect on their life. Awareness If one is controlling or is used to being around people who are, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, there are so many ways for people to find someone to be with, which is a far cry from how it used to be. In the past, one would have had to physically meet another person in order to be able to take the next step, but this is not longer necessary.
Another Option Now, one can meet someone online, speak to them for a little while, and then they can meet them in person. Therefore, they can learn a lot about them long before they have even been in the other person’s presence. Consequently, this can mean that they will talk for a little while over text, but that could be as far as it will go. When this happens, what they have said over a screen, along with the images that they have uploaded, may have defined the outcome. A Mystery Something that one said - or the other person said - might have brought the interaction to an end. If one ended it, they may well have made the right decision, and the same could be said if the other person ended up. Then again, this might have been the wrong decision – the trouble is that there is a strong chance that neither of them will ever know. Nonetheless, there is going to be no reason for this to be the end of the world for either of them. Plenty of Options One could have a number of other people lined up, so they might soon forget about what has just happened. Yet, even if they are not talking to other people, it might not be long until they find someone else to talk to. It is then as though one is in a big shop, meaning that they will be able to find exactly what they need. If, on the other hand, online dating wasn’t available, it might take them a while to find someone else. Fewer Options Even if they worked around a lot of people, it doesn’t mean that they will come across someone who they actually like. And if they don’t work around a lot of people, they might have to wait until they next go out for the night, for instance. It could then take a number of days before they can find someone, if not weeks or even months. With internet dating, this can take place almost instantly, and this can stop them from having to dwell on what has just happened. An Illusion When one comes into contact with someone online, their mind will end forming an idea about what they are like. This idea might fairly accurate, or it could have absolutely nothing to do with what they are like as a person. If they were to meet someone in the real world, they would be able to get a more accurate idea of what they are like. At the same time, one can just as easily deceive themselves in the real world as they can online. The Same Challenge However, regardless of whether one has met someone online or offline, they can still end up talking to someone who ends up going silent. Up until this point, everything could have been going well, or at least seemed to be going well. Alternatively, there might have been conflict between them. When it relates to the later, it might be easier for them to handle, but when it relates to the former, it might harder for them to take. Physical Pain It then won’t be as though anything has happened to them physically, but it might seem as though they have been physically hurt. The reason for this is that being ignored or rejected, for instance, is said to activate the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The rest of their life will then be the same, but it can seem as though they have been excluded from society. Along with this, emotional pain that was already in their body might have come up to the surface. The Next Step One could feel the need to message them or to call them up, to find out what is going on. This approach might work, and one could find out that there is a good reason why they didn’t speak to them for so long. Having said that, one could reach out and they might not hear anything back, even after a number of days and weeks have passed by. During this time, one could find that their mind is consumed with the other person; stopping them from being able to focus on anything else or to embrace the present moment. A Puppet One might then have had control of themselves at one point in time, yet at another, they will have given their power away to someone else. This will stop them from being able to pull their own strings, so to speak. Taking this into account, it is going to be essential for them to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. Clearly, one is going to be wasting their time, energy and attention on this person. Out of Sight, Out of Mind For wherever reason, the other person is not going to take the time to tell them what is going on. Thanks to modern-day technology, it is easy for someone to simply go silent and to completely overlook the effect their behaviour is having on another person. The only thing they need to do is to delete or block them, and then they can carry on with their life. This is something that is easier to do when someone uses online dating, as they probably won’t have to see this person everyday and they might not live in the same area either, which could be the case if they had met them in the real world. A Closer Look One thing that someone can say, when they go silent, is that they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. It is then as though his person actually cares about them and wants to make it easier for them to move on. In reality, this is likely to be a way for them to avoid the pain that they would experience if they were to tell the other person that it’s over. Looking selfless is then a way for them to cover up how selfish their behaviour is. Awareness If one’s attention is consumed by someone who has gone silent on them, it can show that they are trying to avoid how they feel in their body. The sooner they settle down and bring themselves back into the present moment, the better their life will be. One might be able to do this through bringing their focus back to their breath and observing what is taking place within them, or they might need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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