What is clear that is that life is not always a bed of roses: there are ups and downs and sometimes, there can be more downs than ups. For some people, there will be more ups than there are downs, but for others, the downs will outweigh the ups. One might then come to the conclusion that one some people are luckier or more fortunate than others. And when this opinion is based purely on what is happening externally, it can seem accurate and what is true. However, if one was to look within someone and see what is taking place there, they might soon see that there is a reason why they are experiencing more ups than downs. Or why they are able to see life in a positive light even though life hasn’t always gone their way. Different Types So life is made up of different types of people and some people can come across as always being positive and happy and others can come across as always being negative and unhappy. There will also be people who swing between the two and don’t seem to stay in either option for very long. But whether one feels positive or negative, it will be a combination of what is happening externally and what is happening internally. The Mind In the external world, certain things can take place that cause one to feel positive, and at other times, things can happen that make one feel negative. But while the external world can play a big part in how one thinks and feels, so can their mind. What takes place externally is interpreted by the mind and the interpretation that is made will play a part in ones thoughts and feelings. And it works the other way to; with ones thoughts and feelings impacting what happens to them externally. Extremes Being positive all the time might be seen as being better than being negative all the time, and yet there are going to be down sides to this. One might be admired by some, but end up being labelled as being in denial by others. And as life is not always pleasant, one would have to be in denial to always be positive. The mind works in polarities, so as a way to avoid pain, it can end up going to the other extreme. Therefore, one can end up needing to always be happy and positive as a way to avoid how they truly feel. Based on this, always being positive or always begin negative are simply two sides of the same coin. One person is simply embracing how they feel and think and what is taking place externally, and another is doing all they can to avoid what is taking place. Survival When it comes to ones survival as a human being, focusing on what is negative is more important than focusing on what is positive. Placing ones attention on what makes them feel good might be pleasurable, but it is not necessarily going to ensure their survival. Whereas, if one pays attention what is negative and therefore what is or what could be a threat to their survival, they are more likely to avid it and stay alive. This ability is surely one of the reasons why human beings have survived for as long as they have. So it is in the interest of ones survival to focus on what is negative. However, it is easy for one to place their attention on what is negative, even when their survival is not under threat. And what we focus on grows, so it is important to monitor the minds tendency to focus on what is negative. Stuck If ones attention if placed completely on what is negative and they are unable to see life in any other way, then this can be a sign that they are emotionally stuck. This is the world of duality and while there are ‘bad’ things, there are also ‘good’ things. And while one can end up always being positive, as a way to avoid facing how they feel, they can also end up always being negative due to not consciously facing how they feel. So whether one is always positive or always negative, they are still being controlled by their trapped feelings. Consequences These will then define how one thinks and their behaviour, as well as define their perceptions and this will then end up influencing their reality. The people they attract into their life and are attracted to, as well as the situations they find themselves in, will also reflect how they feel. How one feels shapes their outer world and then their outer world ends up influencing how they feel on the inside. It also works the other way around; with ones external reality affecting their inner world. If one is already full of negativity, it won’t take much to put them into a negative state; that’s if they are not already in one. And if one is fairly neutral within, there is going to be less chance of what is happening externally to have an impact on how they feel. Trapped Emotions When one has trapped emotions in their body, it is going to be a challenge for them to experience life in a way that is not negative. These feelings will influence their inner world and influence their outer world; so it can be hard for them to detach form what is happening and to see that they have become trapped in a cycle. The following emotions can be trapped in one’s body: grief, shame, powerlessness, hopelessness, rejection, abandonment and guilt, amongst others. Awareness As these are released, one will feel different and therefore their thoughts and behaviour will change. And this inner change will gradually have an impact on ones outer reality. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be required.
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After one has certain experiences in their life, they are generally going to feel certain emotions. And as we are all emotional beings, this is normal and what is to be expected. But just because this is normal and part of being human, it doesn’t mean that this is what always takes place. Something can happen in one’s life, and they can end up tying to avoid experiencing the feelings that arise. Therefore, one is not going to fully embrace how they feel and at other times, one can avoid their feelings completely. This is something the mind will do as a way to avoid pain and in this example, it is going to be emotional pain. And after a while, the mind can end up being completely oblivious to the emotions that one has disconnected from in their body. The body on the other hand, will be only too aware of this pain; while the mind forgets, the body remembers. It is possible for the mind to believe that the pain has disappeared and no longer exists, but the body won’t be as deluded. Emotional Baggage What this leads to is what is often described as ‘emotional baggage’. Even though emotions are not physical things, they can still end up causing one to feel weighed down; just as they would be if they were carrying something physical. But it won’t just lead to their body feeling heavier, hardened and burdened, there will be other consequences. Life in general can end up being something that one must endure and not enjoy. And every other area of their life can end up paying the price as well, from their: physical health, relationships, sense of purpose and passion or lack of it in this case and emotional wellbeing, amongst other things. Stuck Although the mind can believe that the emotional pain is gone and everything is back to normal, there is a strong chance that it is simply stuck in their body. So instead of moving on from the experiences that caused one to feel as they did, they can end being unable to move on from what happened. It is then nothing more than an illusion to say that one has moved on from what happened. They might be stuck, numb and have seen their quality of life diminish, but the mind can still do all it can to avoid facing the pain - the very thing that can lead to one being liberated. Loss And one thing that can cause someone to feel emotional pain is when some kind of loss occurs. When one experiences some kind of loss, there is also likely to be grief. This can be due to: the loss of a loved one; the end of a relationship; the loss of one’s childhood; of not getting ones needs met as a child, the loss of a pet and many other things. Each and every one of us is unique and so not everyone is going to respond in the same way. There is no right or wrong way to respond, how one responds is how they respond and is not something to feel ashamed of or resist. Grieving The ideal will be for this grief to be faced and not avoided. However, while this is the best option when it comes to one being able to move on with their life, it doesn’t always take place. And this can be due to one not feeling comfortable with their emotions, as well as being surrounded by people who are not comfortable either. Possible Reasons Perhaps one has formed an identity of being strong and emotionless and if they were to show how they felt, they might lose this image. If this relates to childhood grief, it could be that one’s caregivers were out of touch with their own emotions. So one had to deny how they felt, as this is what their caregivers did. Or if one is around other people who are grieving, they could end up ignoring their own grief. Looking after the people around them then becomes the priority and how they feel ends up being ignored. And one could be so cut off from their emotions, that they don’t even know that they are experiencing grief. In The Body Time can pass and one can have no awareness of their grief. However, it will be trapped in their body and this can lead to certain consequences. The primary area where it will be held is in ones chest, it will then influence ones: feelings, thoughts, behaviour and their physical body. This can affect ones posture and cause one to bring their head down and their shoulders in, as a way to protect this area. One can end up withdrawing and have no interest in doing anything new or anything in general. Being depressed can be another consequence of carrying trapped grief. Physically, it can lead to someone having a nose that never seems to stop running, eyes that water and having lung problems, amongst others things. Awareness In order for one to be present and to be able to enjoy life and not just endure it, it will be important for one to release the grief that has built up in their chest. And this can require the assistance of a therapist or a healer; for if one was to do this by themselves, it could be overwhelming. As well as the feelings in ones chest, there is also likely to be feelings that are under the grief. These will be in the brain that is just above ones stomach, also known as the ego or enteric system. Here, could be the following feelings: powerless, hopeless and death for instance. There is no set time for how long this process can take either; it can all depend on how much grief one has trapped in their body and how ready they are to let go.
When someone looks towards other people to define how valuable they are, they are going to be dependent on their approval and acceptance. And the other hand, if one was to define their value and not look towards others, the need to receive the acceptance and approval of others is not going to be as high. As no one is their own island and is interdependent, the need to receive these things is still going to be there. However, when one accepts and approves of themselves, they are not going to be needed in the same way. Instead, one can look towards the people in their life who they respect and trust; with these people adding to the acceptance and approval they give to themselves and not being the sole provider of it. Opening Up When it comes to these people, one is likely to have chosen to open their boundaries up to their approval and acceptance. It is a choice and not something that is out of their control. If one is coming from a position of wanting the acceptance and approval of everyone they meet, it is not going to be a choice and will be something that is out of their control. In the first example, it will relate to the people that one knows and appreciates, and yet in the second example, it could be from people that one doesn’t even know, let alone, appreciate. And to open oneself up to people that one doesn’t know is not going to be healthy. It would be like opening ones front door and leaving it open; anyone could walk in and who knows what kind of damage could be done. Self Definition So it is clear to see how important it is that one defines their own value and doesn’t open themselves up to just anyone. This stops one from giving their personal power away and allows them to define themselves. But while this is the ideal and what will enable one to lead a life that is more fulfilling and empowering, it is not always what takes place. And this means that one ends up defining their value based on how other people respond to them. To live this way is not going allow one to experience any kind of consistency when it comes to their value. One minute they could feel valuable and the next minute they could feel worthless, it will all depend on what is taking place externally. Highs and lows and ups and downs could end up being extremely familiar. The Opposite Gender And while a man can look towards other men to define their value, they can also look towards women. So how they feel about themselves and how valuable and worthy they are as human beings, will be defined by how women respond to them. So although other men can play a part, it is often women who have a greater impact on how a man feels in regards to their own value. So if a man feels valued by a women or a number of women, they could feel on top of the world. But if this is not the case, a man could feel completely worthless. Control This is going to mean that a man will no longer be in control of himself and women or certain women will end up defining how he feels and behaves. And this can be something that happens unconsciously and without one even realising what is happening. There is the chance that one will be aware of what is taking place, but that doesn’t mean that anything will change. If one has always looked towards women to define their value, then this is going to be normal. Normal When something is normal, it is often seen as how life is and rarely ends up being questioned. If this relates to something that was healthy and empowering, then it wouldn’t need to be questioned. However, just because something is seen as normal or has been a certain way for a long time, it doesn’t mean that it is healthy. To be this way is not only going to cause one to give their power and value away, it is also going to make it harder for women to respect them. Two Options So when a man looks towards women to define how valuable he is, it can lead to two options. The first is that he is unlikely to have a strong sense of self and therefore, pleasing others will be important. His emotional state is likely be be completely dependent on women and so experiencing any kind of inner stability is not going to be easy. One is not always going to get the responses they want from others and so pain is going to arise. The other option would be for one to the other extreme and to behave as if they don’t care how women respond to them. And this is going to mean that they will be more in control of how they feel and their own behaviour. But they could end up coming across as rude, careless and emotionally dead. Two Sides Of The Same Coin To be wide open to what women think or to be completely closed to what they think are two sides of the same coin. One person is in touch with how they feel and the other, has just become disconnected from their feelings. Causes While this might be normal and how life has always been for a man, there is a reason for it. And one reason can be because a man has not emotionally separated from his mother. Physically he can look like a man and yet emotionally he can still feel like a child. Childhood Development As a child, it is essential that one is approved of and accepted by their mother. At this age, it is a matter of survival and not something that one can go without. How their mother responded to their needs and wants and her general behaviour towards them, will largely define how valuable they feel. Another part of one’s childhood development that will define how valuable they feel, is if one emotionally separated from their mother. It through this taking place, that one realises their value is not based on other people. This is made possible through one being seen as an individual; with their needs and wants being recognised and accepted. If they are not recognised as an individual, they can end up staying emotionally connect to their mother. Consequences So if one hasn’t emotionally separated from their mother, then they can end up regressing to a childlike state when they are around women. And this is going to mean that they don’t feel like an empowered adult, but a child who needs the acceptance and approval of others to survive. Awareness In order to change how one feels and behaves, it will be important for them to change their beliefs around how valuable they are. And the reason one regresses to how they felt as a child is due to them having trapped emotions in their body. As these beliefs are changed, and ones trapped emotions are released, one will gradually begin to feel like an adult. Through doing this, one will start to form boundaries and this will allow them to feel emotionally separate. The need to always look externally for how valuable one is will then be replaced with one having the ability to look internally. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be needed to release the trapped emotions in one’s body.
When it comes to attracting someone for a relationship or something that involves less commitment, there is the chance that someone can have a certain type that they go for. And then for others, this is not always the case; with them having no set idea of what another needs to be like. However, although one person can say that they have a certain type and another person can say the complete opposite, it doesn’t mean that one person attracts people who are similar to each other and the other person doesn’t. There can be similarities in both cases; with one person being aware of them and the other person being oblivious to them. And this is because the kind of person that is one attracted to can be the result of what is going on for them at a deeper level. Their conscious mind can be unaware of what is going on here and yet this part of them can end up defining who they continually end up with. So based on this, each person has a certain type, it’s just a matter of if they are aware of it or not. Compatibility While one person can be aware of what they go for and another may not, it doesn’t mean they this gives someone a greater chance of attracting someone who is right for them. One person could describe what they are looking for and upon meeting them, they soon realise that they are not compatible And this might not be a one off; it could happen on numerous occasions. Whereas, when someone doesn’t know what they are looking for, there could be the chance that they will attract people who are right for them, but there is also a chance that they won’t. The people they meet can end up being a complete mismatch. Random Dates There are always exceptions in life and one exception can be when one goes on what are often described as a random or blind date with someone. They are not sure who they are going to meet and the person they do meet could be unlike anyone they have ever been with before. And as through what happens on the date and/or as time passes, they soon realise that this person is the ‘right’ one for them. So even though there could resistance, they go along with it anyway and could end up having a long and fulfilling relationship. Perfect Partner So as these kinds of experiences are uncommon and not the way that people usually end up with someone, it is going to mean that having a certain type is important. As if one doesn’t know what they want, then how will they find it or know when they have found it. This is can include: what someone looks like, their personality, what their values are and what they outlook is towards certain things. There will be other things and this is to be expected, as we are all different. And while one could have a certain type that never seems to change, it could also alter. As one grows older for instance, their priorities may change and how some feels can also influence who they go for. How Is It Formed? The type that someone has is unlikely to have just appeared in their mind, and come out of nowhere, it will be the result of different factors. One of the biggest factors will be the society that one has grown up in. what is defined as valuable and what the economic climate is like, will play a big part. From here, will be the kind of experiences one had as a child. And this is going to include: what their caregivers were like, how nurturing their childhood was and what the people around them valued. Each of these elements will play a part in what one has come to believe is there ideal partner. Second Hand So although one has been conditioned from the moment they were born by their parents, the media and by the people they have spent their time with, there is the chance that one is still in touch with their real needs, wants and values. And if this is the case, who they say they want is going to be in alignment with their true self. However, there is also the chance that the person they believe they want doesn’t actually reflect what they truly want and is just the result of their conditioning. They could then end up with someone who is their type and they feel as though something is missing; their mind is saying yes, but their body is saying no. When one feels that they should be attracted to a certain type of person, it is going to be hard for them to listen to themselves. Feelings How one feels will often define how they behave and what they look for in others. So if a woman feels vulnerable or fearful for instance, she might end u being attracted to men who are big built. Based on how these feels, she forms the belief that bigger built men are her type and if they are not this size, then she is not interested. However, they might only her type based on how she feels. And if she was to process these feelings, the need to be with a man like this could disappear. As a result of feeling more secure, she could begin to realise that this is not longer a priority. This could then be replaced by the need to be respected or heard for example. This shows that feelings do not always reflect what is true for someone and may just be a sign that one has trapped emotions in their body that need to be released. Awareness If one is in a position where the type of person they go for is not who they truly want or they just feel that something is not right, then it will be important for them to engage in some kind of self inquiry. So that they can get in touch with what they actually need and want when it comes to someone they want to be in a relationship with. This might mean that one needs the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach, or to read up about relationships.
While one can think in ways that will enhance their life or at the very least not cause any harm, they can also think in a ways that will limit their quality of life. And the mind is like any other kind of tool out there; with one needing to know how to use it, in order to utilize its capabilities. Without the right understanding, one can end up being their minds slave and not the master of their mind. One approach might be to blame the mind and to see it as the problem. But that would be like one using a piece of machinery that they don’t know how to use and then blaming it for the damage it has caused. In this scenario, it would be clear that one simply needs to learn how to operate the piece of equipment and then they will no longer create any damage, or if they do, it will be minimal. Education One reason why this approach is not taken when it comes to the mind is probably due to the fact that people are not educated on how their mind works. Ones parents or the people around them may have served as good role models and were therefore a source of guidance. However, if this wasn’t the case and one simply had to rely on the education system for guidance, they are likely to end up disappointed. That’s if they were looking for guidance in the first place; as unless they were expecting to learn about how their mind works, they might not know that anything is missing. Avoidance They could come to the conclusion that their mind is not something that can be understood and appreciated over time. And what it could end up as something that one does their best to run away from and avoid. If one doesn’t learn during their childhood years and through the education system about their mind, then these consequences and many others, are to be expected. The self development industry, along with the internet, has given people the option of educating themselves in how the mind works. The Observer For if one has not been educated on how their mind works or on certain ways that it functions, they could have come to see the mind as being who they are. Based on this outlook, what the mind says is taken as the truth and not questioned. This can make one feel trapped and controlled by their mind, especially if what it comes up with is disempowering. The ideal will be for one to question their mind and to be the observer of it. Here, one doesn’t resist or try to change what the mind comes up with; they simply observe what is occurring, neither accepting nor trying to change anything. This ability can take time to develop and will surely be something that one will continue to develop for the rest of their life. Unobserved When the mind is unobserved, it is inevitable that one will end up being taken for a ride, as opposed to being the ones that decide where they would like to go. And one thing the mind does is create meaning around everything that happens. This meaning doesn’t have to have any relevance to what is taking place and it can lead to one feeling better or worse about something. The mid will draw upon ones history in order to create this meaning and this will be through association. So the present experience will end up merging with the previous experiences that one has had and to the experiences that one has heard about through others. And while something similar could have happened in the past and ended up going well for instance, the mind can locate a time when something didn’t go to plan. Absolutes Therefore, it won’t matter that they could have had other experiences that were different or that the present situation is nothing like what took place in the past, as the mind will project what took place in the past onto the present moment. It will then not be possible for one to come to a balanced outlook and to embrace all sides of their current experience. And this is because the mind works in absolutes and this means there are no grey areas. Black And White To say that seeing life in this way is bad might sound accurate and yet that would be another absolute. There are going to be times when seeing life in this way is appropriate and there will be times when it is not. It will all depend on what it relates to and if having this outlook is enhancing one’s life. Examples If one’s mind was to come to the conclusion that all door handles turned in the same direction, it would save them time and energy. It wouldn’t limit their life in most cases, unless they were to come across a door handle that turned the other way. However, when this kind of thinking is applied to the opposite gender, there is the chance that one will suffer. Through labelling the opposite sex as being a certain way, one won’t have to think and will therefore save a lot of mental energy, but their chances of meeting people who are different will end up being greatly reduced. Familiar So while these ways of looking at life might not help someone, they will be what are classed as familiar to ones ego mind. And what is familiar is what is classed as safe, regardless of whether it is empowering or accurate. The ego mind will end up filter one’s life so they only see what their mind believes to be true. One then ends up being right and this is important, because being wrong is associated as death. But just because one ends up being right, it doesn’t mean that they will be happy or that there is not another way of looking at something. Awareness It will be important for one to monitor their mind and to see when it is using black and white thinking. To generalise might feel comfortable and even normal, but it doesn’t mean that it is in ones best interests. And as certain as the mind may be about all men or all women being a certain way for example, there will be plenty of men and women out there who are completely different. When one begins to change their point of focus and uses their mind, instead of letting their mind use them, they will gradually begin to see themselves and their life in a new way. A therapist, healer or a coach might be needed to assist one with this process.
If someone was to come to the conclusion that what shows up in their personal reality is the result of random factors and that one is nothing more than an observer, they might end up receiving the approval of the majority of people around them. And this is because the western world generally supports this outlook. However, when it comes to the self development world, the opposite outlook is often supported. Here, one is seen as the co-creator of their reality and what shows up in their reality is the result of what they have focused on. And as these two views are so different, it is only natural that disagreement will appear. Not only can this be from one side, but from both sides. Two Outlooks If one person or a group of people believe they are simply the observers of their reality, then it could take a lot for them to consider, let alone accept, an outlook that is radically different. And if one has the outlook that they are co-creating their reality, as well as being the observers of it, they might wonder how other people can’t accept this. But if one has had a certain belief and a life that is built around this belief, then it is going to be a challenge to change it. Being Right When it comes to the ego mind, the need to be right is incredibly important. This is because being wrong is interpreted as death. What one is familiar with is interpreted as what will keep them alive and what is not familiar is interpreted as what will lead to their demise. It doesn’t matter if something is true, functional or healthy, all that matters is that is has become familiar. From here, the ego can run on autopilot and what one believes will be accepted, regardless of whether it is true or not. That is unless one utilizes their neo cortex and is able to question what they believe. Questioning Through being conscious and using one’s ability to question what their ego mind has come to believe, as well as having the understanding that their survival is unlikely to be at risk, one can come to their own conclusions. Not only in regards to if they are the co-creators of their reality, but to question if the beliefs they have come to identify with are true. And with this, one can open themselves up to other points of views and ways of looking at life. If one has had a certain outlook for their whole life and one that is supported by the society they live in, it could feel uncomfortable to change it; to even think about changing it could cause tension. One Step At A Time Sometimes it is better to start small and gradually build up to something big. If one was to say that one is the co-creator of their reality and this was a completely new to them, it could be overwhelming and even rejected. Especially if one’s life is not going to plan and they are experiencing a lot of things that they don’t want to experience. If one was in a position where a number of areas of their life were going to plan, then it might be easier for them to consider this outlook. Example When someone is about to buy a new car, it could be one that they rarely see on the road or anywhere for that matter. And once they have began to think about buying the car and then when they start to drive it, they soon begin to see that other people have the same car. At first, it could appear as though other people have suddenly started buying the same car. And yet what it comes down to is that one’s mind was not programmed to see the car before; there could have been other people who were driving it and yet one wouldn’t have noticed. The car had no meaning to them and so it was practically invisible; like going into a room full of people that one doesn’t know, they can all look the same. However, now it has meaning and therefore stands out. Trivial This example could come across as being fairly trivial and yet it is can be easy to relate to; it’s not complex or too hard to understand. Unless one had this car or was just interested in the car, then the car would have no meaning. So with that in mind, it could be said that one only sees what their mind wants to see. Reality is then not observed, it is filtered in a way that reflects what is taking place within. And what one sees will be the partly due to where their point of focus is and what is associated as familiar to their ego mind. Two Levels And while what ones ends up seeing externally can be the result of what they are consciously focused on, it can also be the result of what is going on a deeper level. When it comes to the example about the car above, it is clear that this is generally due to what one is consciously focusing on and what has gradually seeped into their unconscious mind. However, when it comes to someone who attracts an abusive relationship for instance, it is going to seem unlikely that they would focus on attracting someone like this. And this is because of what is going on for them at a deeper level. Familiarity So when something is familiar, it is classed as safe to the ego mind. And the mind will therefore filter out anything that goes against it. When it comes to what is familiar in regards to relationships, these associations are usually created at a very young age. As these experiences were the first that one had, they will be interpreted as what is safe. It won’t matter if these experiences were dysfunctional or unhealthy, what matters is they are familiar. The mind will then end up filtering ones reality so that they have the same relational experiences. Awareness So there is what one consciously focuses on and what their unconscious mind has been programmed to focus on. When it comes to what one consciously focuses on, it will be important for one to reflect on whether something is enhancing their life. And in order to change what is taking place a deeper level, one will need to let go off what their ego mind has associated as familiar and therefore safe. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
While being compassionate can be seen as the right way to be, it is not always the easiest option. What can be easier is to go to the other extreme and to become indifferent to other people’s problems and the suffering they are going through or have gone through. And not only can one be this way towards others, they can also end up being this way towards themselves; this can cause them to be their own worst enemy. The need could be there for them to be kind and understanding, and yet they end up being critical and even abusive to themselves. So compassion is something that one can show internally and externally, or they can just show it externally and deny its existence internally for instance. But if one has trouble showing it to themselves, it is likely to be something they have trouble showing to others. It has to start somewhere and when one is compassionate to their own struggles and the suffering they go through, it will be a lot easier to show it to others. Generally, one cannot give what they haven’t got. A Technique At times, displaying compassion can sound like some kind of technique that one uses. And through displaying this, they can come across in the right way and be an example to others. To see it as something that one achieves by changing their behaviour or their thinking, could work for some people. In the beginning it might feel strange and that one is putting on an act, but as time passes, it could become part of who they are. However, for others this approach could just lead to denial and result in them repressing how they truly feel. Guilt As a result of one coming to the conclusion that they have to be this way, either through their own initiative or through other peoples say so, they could end up feeling guilty if they were to act in another way It is then not something that one chooses to do; it becomes an obligation and something that one feels they have to do. Ironically, it ends up being another way for one to show a lack of compassion to themselves; with there being the potential for this to be projected onto others. Human Beings Suffering is part of life in many ways and while some forms of suffering can be removed by changing ones perception, there will be other occurrences where changing ones perception will be a lot harder. So as each and every one of us has suffered and will continue to experience different forms of suffering until the day we die, it is clear that suffering is a lot easier to handle when we are around people who are compassionate. Normal To be indifferent to another would be the same as being indifferent to ourselves, it might be normal, but it is not healthy. If one was suffering, it is highly likely that they would want another to offer their compassion. So based on these points, it can seem strange as to why someone wouldn’t have compassion. This doesn’t mean one will show it all the time; human beings are not perfect and so this would be unrealistic. But to expect another to show it at certain times would be a reasonable expectation. The Heart While the heart has a biological purpose and this is something that is widely known, what is not as well known is that it offers so much more. And one of the things that can be found there is compassion. The heart is also where empathy is found and is the area of the body that can cause us to feel connected to others. However, just because one has a heart, it doesn’t mean that it is open. When it is closed, it will be easier for one to take advantage of another and to harm them. For if one doesn’t have the ability to feel compassion or to empathise with another, then there won’t be anything to stop them from violating another person. Suffering So if suffering is part of life and can’t be completely avoided, then there are at least two options that one can choose from. One is to embrace pain and to process what happens. This processing could take a while, even a few years, if it relates to the loss of a loved one for example. Another option would be for one to close their heart completely. One will probably become numb and disconnected from their good feelings, but they will be able to avoid the bad ones. Consequences The first option will enable them to have compassion and empathy: as they have faced their pain, it will allow them to see another person’s pain differently. Whereas the second option will generally cause one to lose touch with what the heart offers: so compassion and empathy will no longer be able to be experienced. If one was in an environment that was cruel and lacked feeling, then closing ones heart would be perfectly normal. There might have been very little else for them to do. Awareness And in order for the heart to open, the ego mind, the brain just above ones stomach, needs to feel safe. When this brain feels safe, the heart will be able to open. In order for the heart to open and one to feel safe, it will be necessary for them to release the emotions that have become trapped there. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Although human beings are made of the same things and will all pass on at some point in their lives, it doesn't mean that they all have the same level of value. And while there is inevitably going to be differences between someone who lives in a third world country and someone who lives in a first world country; there are clear differences in the same country. Differences in the same country can come about through where one lives, what their social status is and what their family of origin was like. And while these factors can appear to be unchangeable and define someone’s value for their whole life, there are numerous examples of people who have gone beyond these limits. Here, people have not let external factors completely control them and they have gradually moved away from what threatened to define them for life. This is unlikely to have happened over night, but by putting in the work to make their vision a reality, they came to see that they were more than their circumstances. Society However, while there are people who manage to do this and break free, it is not always due to the guidance or support of the society that they live in. what ones society defines as valuable could make one feel empowered, but it could also make one feel worthless. This can also relate to what society defines as beautiful. And if one doesn’t look a certain way, then they are not classed as attractive. The same goes for what ones physical appearance is like. And while the kind of childhood that one has will play a big part in how valuable one does or doesn’t feel, their time in the education system will also have a massive impact on how they see themselves. Education It is here that one can come to the conclusion that their value is based on how well they do with the subjects they have to learn and how well they perform in their exams. And a lot of this is based on regurgitation and requires very little critical thinking and the use of one’s own intelligence. So if one does well here, they could sees themselves as having value; simply because they have been able to jump through most, if not all, of the hoops that were laid out. And if one got caught in the hoops and was unable to jump through one, let alone a few, then they could see their value as being fairly low or even nonexistent. Defined By Others What this usually does is create the belief that one’s worth is defined by others. This is rarely something that one learns consciously; it is something that gradually enters their mind and without them needing to think about it. While one can get caught up in trying to please others, they are unlikely to be aware of the fact that they are giving away their power in the process. When one goes to school or college, it is clear that they are there to learn from people who are experts in certain subjects. So the approval they gain will be there to reflect their level of competence and it is therefore necessary. The Problem This is not a problem per se, what is a problem is when one ends up believing their value is completely defined by teachers, authority figures and other people in general. When it relates to a certain subjects, then of course they are letting one know how competent they are, but this is by no means a reflection of one’s true value as a human being. And through being in an environment like this for many years, one can come to the conclusion that their value is out of their hands. It is then completely in the hands of other people. Childhood But before one is even educated by society, their caregivers will have played a part in how valuable one feels. And while ones caregivers may have made them feel special, important and valuable, they could also have made them feel worthless, unimportant and a burden. When one is made to feel worthless, shame is also going to appear. This can make one feel flawed and that they have no value, or they could go the other way, and act is if they are the most important person on the planet. Behaviour If one feels that they have no value, their behaviour will reflect how they feel. And how one is treated by others will often come down to how they feel they deserve to be treated. They could end up settling in life and feel that they don’t deserve to exist, let alone to thrive. If other people are rude or abusive, one might feel that they have no other choice and that they have to put up with it. Self Definition So what ones childhood and the education system can do is make one habitually look towards others to define how valuable they are. And if one gets the all clear from others, they can have what they want or lead the life they want for example. But although this might be normal and what feels comfortable, it is not a healthy way to live. Not everyone is going to see one as valuable and some people, through their own limits, won’t want to acknowledge ones value for instance. To wait for another or others to see one as valuable and deserving of something, could cause one to waste a lot of time and to sabotage their own dreams. Self Worth This is something that one has to do themselves; another person cannot know ones true value, only they can. And as ones personal value increases, the world will reflect these changes back to them. In terms of how other people treat them and what they attract into their life. Awareness If one feels worthless or ashamed, then this is going to mean that they have trapped emotions in their body, and these will need to be released. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. One can also be assisted through finding a mentor or a coach to aid them in changing what their mind believes about how valuable they are. Reading books on self development or biographies about people who have achieved great feats can also make a difference. The main thing is that one questions what their mind believes and gradually defines themselves.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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