The Media: Does The Mainstream Media Pull At People's Heart Strings In Order To Control Them?8/4/2016
It has been said that someone should never make a decision when they are angry, and that they should never make a promise when they are happy. What this comes down to is when one is in a highly changed emotional state; it will be a challenge for them to think clearly.
However, when one is angry or happy for instance, they are not always going to realise this. Based on the experience one has when they are angry, they can experience a sense of clarity. Anger Through being this way, it can then be normal for them to make a decision or to take some kind of action. One can feel a sense of certainty, and there is then going to be no reason for them to wait until they have calmed down. Yet the reason they are experiencing a sense of certainty is because their emotional state has taken over. Therefore, if there was a reason (or a number of them) as to why they shouldn’t do anything, it is not going to be possible for them to know. Happiness Alternatively, when one is feeling happy, they can be in a position where they have an idealised version of reality. Through seeing life through rose coloured glasses, so to speak, they will have no trouble making promises. In a sense, they are out of touch with reality, and through being this way, they are not going to want to come back down to earth. Once again, they are in an emotional state, and they are not going to be able to think before they speak. Self-Destruction So through being in one of these emotional states (or any other for that matter), one can end up doing something that is not in their best interests. On one hand this, could mean that they will end up doing something that won’t have much of an effect on their life, and on the other hand, this might not be the case. If one was to do something that is not in their best interests from time to time, it might not matter; but at the same, it can all depend on what took place. Still, one is a human being, and this means that it is not going to be possible for them to always do the right thing. Awareness At the same time, that doesn’t mean that one has no control over their behaviour, and this means that once they become aware of what they are doing, it will give them the chance to change it. Thus, if one has the tendency to make decisions when they are angry or to make promises when they are happy, for instance, they will be able to experience life differently. The main thing is that one has the desire to change and through this, they will be able to take the first step. Now, this is not to say that this is something that will happen overnight, as it could take a while. The Mainstream Media But regardless of whether one realises what can take place when they are in an emotional state, this is something that the media understands. When they present information, it is often their intention to stop people from having the ability to think clearly. Therefore, the ideal will be for one’s emotional brain (and their body) to take over, and it will then be a lot easier for them to be controlled. The part of them that could question what is taking place (and therefore to think rationally), will be out of action. Sceptical Now, this doesn’t mean that everyone who is exposed to the media is going to respond in the same way, as there are going to be people who are only too aware about what is taking place. When someone like this is exposed to the media, they are likely to maintain a critical eye. But even so, there is still the chance that they will end up being pulled in from time to time and lose their ability function as a whole human being. There could be certain things that won’t have an effect on them, and then there could be others things that will end up pulling them in. The Agenda The kind of state that they will try to put people in can all depend on what it is that they want to achieve. Yet no matter what state it is, their intention will be to fulfil a certain agenda, and this will be something that is generally covered up. So if after reading or hearing about something one ended up experiencing a lot of fear, they are likely to be in a vulnerable position. In this case, it could be said that they are in a ‘negative’ state. Empathy Yet just because one can be put in what could be classed as a ‘positive’ state by the media, it doesn’t mean that it is any better. For example, after being exposed to something, one can end up experiencing empathy. This could be something that occurs after reading or hearing about someone that is suffering or a number of people who are going through a challenging time, for instance. During this time, one will put themselves in their shoes and this can make them want to do something about what is taking place. Point of Focus One way of looking at this would be to say that when one is empathising with someone (or a number of people); they can end up being controlled by their heart. Through being in this state, they can be driven by their need to do the ‘right’ thing, and they might not be able to think about the consequences that may arise. This can then be similar to someone who ends up feeding a starving crocodile: their heart can tell them to give it food and this can then stop them from being able to think about whether it is a good idea. There is the chance that they will be fine; but there is also the chance that they will also be eaten. Conclusion What this comes down to is that even though one can have the need to help someone (or a number of people) it doesn’t mean that they should. When one starts to experience empathy, it will also be important for them to use their ability to think critically. When one is in an emotional state, they can be focused what is currently taking place, and this can stop them from being able to think about the future. Whereas when one’s ability to think is also online, it will give them the chance to think about the effect that their actions will have on the future.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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There are number of ways for someone to promote themselves in today’s world, and one way they can do this is through having their own blog. This will also make it easier for other people to get a deeper understanding of what they have to offer.
If someone doesn’t have their own blog, they can still connect with others; however, it could be said that they won’t be doing as much as they could be doing. When someone has a blog, it can also make it easier for people to find them. Search Engines The reason for this is that when they write about something and share it on a blog, other people can find it on a search engine. One way of looking at it would be to say that it can open them up to people who might not have found them otherwise. This can be somewhere where someone can talk about their own coaching business, and they can also share their own views and insights. But as long as it relates to their business, it will be another way for people to connect to them. The Next Step However, even though someone may want to start a blog, they might not know where to start. And it could be said that this is normal; especially as there is so much information available in today’s world. Having more of something can seem better than having less; but at the same time, it can just create confusion. This can then strop someone from being able to make a decision, and this can then lead to inaction, or what is often described as ‘procrastination’. What I Did With that in mind, what I can do is share my experience with you and this may make it easier for you to create your own blog. In the beginning, I only had a website, and while I did think about having a blog, I had no idea what to write about. For one thing, I hadn’t really written anything before and while I read other peoples work, I wasn’t sure if I was capable of writing anything. And even I did, I wasn’t sure if anyone would actually read it. Starting a Blog However, when I wrote my first article, I ended up putting it on the site I already had. The site I was using was called weebly, and this is a website creator that is relatively easy to use. I created a new page and uploaded the first article that I had written, and I then shared this with a few friends. At this time, I was aware that there were a number of ways that I could start a blog, and one site that I was also aware of was WordPress. One Place As so many people I knew had used it and it seemed to be a popular site among other people, I was tempted to use it. But as I already had a site that I was using, I thought it would be a good idea to stick with what I had. I knew how to use the site I was using and if I was to use another, I would have to start all over again. So my advice would be for someone to go with what works for them. Promotion As I said above, in the beginning I only shared what I had written with friends on social media and through email, and then as time passed, I shared my articles on different article sites. Through doing this, it allowed me to share my articles with people who would be looking for what I had to offer. And as time went by, people started to find my work through using search engines. It also occurred to me that I should create a group on social media to share what I write, as this would be somewhere where people could stay up to date. Email Subscription After having written articles for a few years, I came to see that it would be a good idea for me to collect email addresses. Through doing this, it would give me another way to keep people up to date with what I was doing. This was something I did by giving people the option to sign up to my newsletter at the end of each article and on the side of the blog. And not only can I share what I have written with them, I can also keep them informed about the rest of my work. Video But if someone doesn’t want to write a blog, they can also create short videos instead. This is something I have thought about, but I would prefer to write at this time and to create videos where I talk about other things. Therefore, it is not a case of doing one thing or other; as it is possible to do both things. I would say the main thing is that you take the first step and create a blog, and as you move forward, you will pick up what you need along the way. And if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask someone who is doing what you want to be doing. There is a strong chance that they will be only too happy to help, but if they don’t, simply ask someone else.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one had a hole in their drive that they wanted to fill, they could end up making a load of concrete. Through doing this, there would be no gaps and the hole would completely disappear.
The alternative would be for one to find a few bricks and to try to fill the hole in that way. And while this would fill the hole in, it wouldn’t completely fill it like concrete would. A Good Thing In this case, it could be said that concrete is the perfect substance for the job, and that if it wasn’t like this; it would have no use whatsoever. However, if one was on a boat and it started to leak, there would be no reason for them to use concrete. In this case, it would be necessary for one to use something that will seal the hole straight away. Not only would the concrete go through the hole; it would also take too long to set. Human Beings In the same way concrete can be used by someone to fill any hole in, human beings can also go along with what other people want them to do. At the same time, they can also be like bricks, and this means that they won’t be as easy to mould into something. When it comes to using concrete, it is not going to result in anyone being taken advantage of. Yet when it comes to people who are as flexible as concrete, it can result in them being taken advantage of. Bricks At the same time, when one uses bricks it is also not going to cause anyone to be taken advantage of. And when people are also able to maintain who they are, there can be less chance of them being taken advantage of. Still, this is not to say that there is anything wrong with people being flexible from time to time, as there may be moments when they need to be this way. This can be something that takes place without them being controlled. A Choice The difference is that when one is able to maintain who they are, they will have the ability to choose if they will go along with what someone else wants them to do. Whereas when one is unable to maintain who they are, this will be something that is out of their control. As a result of this, their life is going to be radically different, and while this may be how these people have experienced life for as long as they can remember; this might not be the case. If one is able to main who they are, this might not be how their life has always been; but if one is unable to do this, this could be how their life has always been. Sense of Self What this comes down to is that some people have a sense of self and other people don’t, and this is typically something that one will developed during their childhood years. So if one hasn’t developed a sense of self, it is likely to be due to what took place when they were younger. When one has a sense of self, it is going to mean that they have boundaries, and this will allow them to have their own life. But if they didn’t have them, it would be more or less impossible for them to have their own life. Boundaries On one hand, they will allow one to feel safe in their body, and on the other hand, they will allow them to have their own views on life. Through feeling safe, one will be able to express themselves, as well as have the ability to say no. And by having their own views, it is going to mean that one doesn’t simply follow other people; they are able come to their own conclusions. Also, one will have a clear idea of what they value and what they don’t. Boundaryless When one hasn’t developed boundaries, it can be normal for them to please others, and they are going to find it hard to say no. In fact, they might be used to saying yes all the time, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. And even if they think that they have developed their own views, they might be views that they have picked up from others. Their values might also be second hand, and this means that they might not be in their best interests. The Leader and the Follower One way of looking at this would be to say that the first person will be a leader and the second person will be a follower. However, just because someone hasn’t developed boundaries and is out of touch with themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will come across as a follower. They could be in a position where they try to tell other people how to live their life, and this can be a way for them to experience self-control. And as they haven’t developed boundaries, they might to realise when they are violating other people’s personal space. Connected What this shows is how important it is for one to have strong connection to themselves when it comes to living a fulfilling life. And not only is this something that will benefit individuals, it will also benefit countries. This is because when a country is filled with people who have a strong sense of their identity; it will be a lot harder for them to be controlled. But without it, it will be relatively easy for people to be manipulated by external forces. Awareness If one is in a position where they haven’t got a strong sense of self and they want this to change, it will be important for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Why Do Some People Always Blame Others When Their Relationships Come To An End?5/4/2016
When someone is in a relationship, there is the chance that it will last until their life comes to an end (or until their partner passes on). There is also the chance that it won’t last this long, and this is due to a number of different factors.
For one thing, people move around more than they did in the past, and this can make it harder to hold a relationship down. Another thing that has an effect on this is that people have more choice than they did in the past, and this is partly down to the internet. The Grass Is Greener For example, if one was to go onto an internet dating site, they could end up coming across hundreds or even thousands of people. This can then condition them to believe that there is always someone better out there. Therefore, if one was to get into a relationship with someone they have met online (or offline) and they started to experience conflict, they may start to think that it is time to find someone else. It is then no longer necessary for them to work through whatever is taking place; they simply need to start again. The Ideal Being with someone who they always get on with is then not going to be seen as unrealistic; it will be seen as perfectly normal. This could mean that their relationships last a few months, or they might last a bit longer. But as they have so many people to choose from, it might be hard for them to realise that they are chasing after an illusion. That is unless they are able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. Caught Up However, if one is caught up in this, it could take a number of years before they are able to see what is happening. What can also make this harder is if one is surrounded by people that have the same outlook. In the beginning it might be easier for them to brush aside how they feel and then as time passes; this is unlikely to be the case. After a while, one could then end up feeling hopeless, but instead of taking a closer look at what is taking place, they could soon be on the lookout for someone else. Another Perspective Having said that, if one was to speak to someone that has been in a relationship for a number of years, they may come to see that they are looking for something that can’t be found. They could tell them that no one is perfect, and that there will be good days and bad days. And how the conflict they have experienced over the years is something that has brought them closer. Still, it would be inaccurate to say that everything was perfect in the past, as there was a greater chance that people would stay together for the wrongs reasons. The Other Extreme So after living in an age where people felt as though they had to make a relationship work, we are now in a time where this pressure has more or less disappeared. It’s as if relationships have gone from one extreme to another. On one side, this has made it easier for people to leave relationships that are abusive, and on the other side, this has enabled people to be more impulsive. However, it could be said that this is part of life, and how there are pros and cons to everything. An Important Step Now that it is easier for someone to pay attention to their own needs as opposed to having to go along with other people’s expectations, they have a greater chance of being in a fulfilling relationship. And like anything that’s in the early stages; there are going to be different challenges. But as time passes, more and more people could end up coming back into the middle, and it could then be said that they have learned from what previous generations have gone through. So while it wasn’t always possible for people in the past to speak their truth; it is now not always possible for people to experience self-control. Generally Speaking What can’t be overlooked is that even in the past there would have been people who were in fulfilling relationships, and even though there is less pressure for people to stay in relationships that are not very fulfilling, it doesn’t mean that they always walk away from them. Just as there would have been people in the past who were also impulsive; there are people who are around today who are not. This shows that this is something that is not black and white, and that there are always exceptions to every rule. Even though this is the case, it can’t be denied that the world has changed when it comes to what relationships are like. Another Option And even if one is in a position where they are used to walking away from their relationships when they start to experience problems; they could also be used to people leaving them. However, regardless of why their relationships come to an end, one could end up blaming the other person. It then won’t matter what part they have played in what has taken place, as the other person will be seen as the problem. Through doing this, it will stop them from having to face what is taking place within them, and it might also allow them to avoid conflict. Growth Whereas if they were to look at what part they have played in what has taken place, it could end up causing them to feel bad or overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean that one should end up blaming themselves when a relationship comes to an end; what it comes down to is that when they take responsibility it will allow them to grow. In order for them to meet someone who is different or for them to make sure they don’t have the same experience again, they may need to look at what part they have played in the experiences they have been having. Unless they do this, they may find that they end up having the same experiences time and time again. Awareness This could be a time where one needs to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. Or one may find that the can move forward through reading about relationships and applying what they have learned.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who have lived in the same environment for their whole life, there are others who have moved around. When one has moved around, they might not have stayed in the same place for very long.
This could be a sign that one has a job that requires them to move around, or it could just come down to the fact that they don’t like to stay in the same place. Thus, if they had to stay in the same place for their whole life, it could cause them to suffer. Alternatively However, when one has lived in the same place, this could mean that one doesn’t have a job where they need to move around. At the same time, one might simply prefer to stay in the same place and not feel the need to move. Therefore, if one was in a position where they had to move around, it could end up causing them to suffer. Based on this, they are both experiencing life in a way that matches up with their needs. Another Reason There is also the chance that one has moved around a lot because they have caused a lot of problems. And through moving somewhere else, it allows them to run away from the damage that they create. And when one has always lived in the same place, it could just be because they are comfortable. It is then not that they are necessarily happy with where they live; it is just somewhere they are used to. The Right One Yet regardless of why one has moved around, it could be said that they will have a greater understanding when it comes to what their ideal environment is. Whereas if one has always lived in the same place; they are not going to know whether they are in the right place or not. This comes down to the fact that human beings only know how good something is when they have something to compare it with. Still, even if one has always lived in the same environment, it doesn’t mean that they have never been away. Another Way If one has been away, it would have given them the opportunity to experience what it is like to be in another environment. This may have allowed them to see whether or not their current environment was a good fit. When they were away, they may have been absorbed in what was taking place, and then when they got back, their whole outlook may have changed. On one side, this may have meant that they knew they were living in the right place, and on the other hand, it may have meant that they came to see that their environment wasn’t very fulfilling. The Catalyst As a result of this, going away allowed them to realise that they needed to move, and this means that the holiday not only gave them a boost; it also allowed them to see clearly. If they hadn’t taken the time to go away, they might still be living in the same place. But even though one may have come back and moved shortly after, this might not have taken place. Instead, one may have just stayed where they were and lost touch with how they felt after they returned. Stepping Back If one was able to take a step back, they may find that they have always felt as though they were in the wrong environment. So even though they have adapted to where they live; deep down they know it is not right for them. On the other hand, they may find that they haven’t always felt his way, and that at one point in time, something changed. They then went from living in an environment that was fulfilling (or at least wasn’t completely negative), to living somewhere that has a negative effect on their wellbeing. Depressed If their environment has changed fairly recently, it might be easier for them to notice what has taken place; the reason for this is what they will know how they felt before. But when their environment has always been the same, their past experiences are not going to be any different. Nevertheless, this could be somewhere where they feel drained or depressed, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. And if they were unaware of the impact their environment is having on them, they could easily come to the conclusion that it is because of what is taking place within them, for instance. Oppression One could find that the majority of people in this environment are controlling and that it is not possible for them to express themselves. This is not to say that the control takes place directly, as it could take place indirectly. Perhaps the people around them are out of touch with how they feel and don’t have the ability to experience empathy. It then won’t matter if one did express themselves, as they won’t be acknowledged. Playing a Role The external pressure then causes one to hold themselves back, and through being in this kind of environment for so long, they may have internalised the control. So even if these people are not around, one may end up controlling themselves. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is putting on an act, and while this allows them to fit in; it is stopping them from being able to express their true-self. And as they are denying their true nature, it is it be expected that they will feel suffer. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to change their environment. For as long as they stay where they are, they won’t feel any better; in fact, they could end up feeling even worse. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here. This can be a time where one can look into why they are experiencing life in this way.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Why Do Some People End Up Feeling Needy When They Get In Touch With Their Needs?2/4/2016
Although having needs is part of being human, it doesn’t mean that everyone is in touch with them. There will be some people who are in touch with their needs, and there will be others who are not.
Another Experience However, even if one is in touch with their needs, it doesn’t mean that they will always know what they need. There could be moments where they feel disconnected, and during these moments, their needs could be a mystery. Also, even if one is disconnected from their needs, it doesn’t mean that they wont have moments where this won’t be the case. For one reason or another, they could end up being aware of what it is that they need. In The Middle But if one doesn’t experience life from either side of the spectrum, they could fall somewhere in the middle. As a result of this, they could have moments when they are in touch with what they need and moments when they are not. What this could mean is that one is out of touch with themselves when they are around certain people or during certain circumstances, for instance. Either way, it won’t be possible for them to constantly experience life in one way. The Ideal When one is touch with their needs, there life is going to be a lot easier, and it will also allow them to experience fulfilment. The reason for this is that one’s needs are there to guide them. And through paying attention to them, it will give them the information that they need to move towards the things that truly matter. Therefore, there will be the effect it has in each moment of their life, as well as the effect it has on what they will achieve in the future. Each Moment For example, one could be working on something and their plan may be to carry on with what they are doing until the end of the day. However, a friend could get in touch and ask them if they want to go out for a drink. But through having this connection, they will be able to stand their ground, and this will enable them to stay on course. If on the other hand, this wasn’t the case, one could end up ignoring their own needs. In The Long Run This is not to say that one will only focus on their own life and ignore everything else; what it comes down to is that they will be aware of what matters. Due to this, it will be a lot easier for them to achieve things. The actions that they take each day will allow them to achieve their long term goals, and these will be the kinds of things that won’t happen overnight. Yet although this is something that won’t happen overnight, if one didn’t do what they needed to do each day these goals would always be out of reach. Reaching Out This will also mean that they will be able to reach out to others, and this could be a time where they want to experience intimacy or when they just want to spend time with someone. What this shows is that they don’t feel ashamed of their needs, and there is then no reason for them to hide them. And through experiencing life in this way, they are less likely to end up coming across as needy. Still, if one didn’t feel comfortable with their needs and kept them to themselves, it would be a different story altogether. Disconnected However, if one is on the other side of the spectrum, it will be a challenge for them to know what their needs are. Therefore, they could be in a position where they get caught up in what other people want them to do. One could even describe themselves as someone that just goes with the flow, and while this will be normal, it is unlikely to be very fulfilling. But even though this will cause them to suffer; this pain could be kept at bay through the approval that they receive. To Be Expected When one doesn’t know what their needs are, it is to be expected that they will look towards others to tell them what do to. And when this doesn’t take place, they might just do what other people are doing. Yet regardless of what approach they take, they are going to be out of touch with the information that is within then. This is also likely to mean that one will be out of touch with their relational needs. Another Dynamic Even so, this is not to say that one will end up feeling needy, as they could also be out of touch with the emotional pain that they experience through not getting their needs met. Having said that, if it was to arise one might just end up feeling drained, and they might not realise why this is. And although one can be out of touch with all of their needs, they could also be in a position where they are aware of certain needs. For example, one may know what they need to do when it comes to their career, but they could be completely out of touch with their relational needs. Needless In fact, one could see themselves as ‘independent’, and they could say that they don’t need anyone else. Being this way could be seen as a sign of strength and if they were to need others, it could be seen as a weakness. So as one is out of touch with the fact that they need others, they could be carrying a lot of pain within them. And if they were to get in touch with what is taking place with how they feel in their body, they could end up feeling incredibly needy. A Build-Up On one hand, there can the needs that they have ignored in their adult life, and on the other hand, there can be the needs that were ignored during their childhood years. As if one ignores their relational needs as an adult, there is a strong chance that this is because of how their caregivers responded to their needs when they were younger. At a young age, they may have learned that it wasn’t safe for them to have needs, and this then set them up to become needless. By experiencing life in this way, it will allow them to experience control; whereas if they were to embrace their needs, this wouldn’t be the case. Two Ways While this is something that could happen directly, it could also end up taking place indirectly. When it comes to the former, one could end up looking for answers after becoming frustrated with how their life is. But when it comes to the later, the needs that they have denied for so long could end up coming to the surface when they are in a relationship, or when it comes to an end. Now, there is always the chance that one will simply ignore how they feel and carry on with their life. Awareness Based on how their caregivers responded to their needs when they are younger, there is a strong chance that they will feel ashamed of them. And until one starts to feel comfortable with their needs and to realise there is nothing wrong with them, their life is unlikely to change. If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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