If one was to look back on the people they have spent time with throughout their life, they may find that some of these people have had a positive effect on them. This could be due to what they did for them, but it might not be this black and white.
Simply being in their presence may have been enough, and this could show that these people were inspiring to be around. Perhaps these people were full of energy, and they might have achieved a certain level of success. Inspired Through spending time around these people, it may have given one the desire to work towards their own goals. In fact, they might believe that they wouldn’t be where they are today if it wasn’t for these people. What this shows is how much of an impact other people can have, and how important it is to spend time around the right people. If one was to think about the people they have spent time with who did not inspire them, this will be something that is only too clear. A Drain When one was around someone like this, they may have felt as though their energy was being taken away from them. This could have been a time when the other person was consumed by what was going wrong in their life. So instead of thinking about what they could do to move forward, they might have been focused on the reasons why their life can’t change. Or if this wasn’t the case, it could be someone who was critical of everything and everyone. Sucked Dry Therefore, even if one wasn’t put down by this person, they would have still have had to be exposed to this kind of behaviour. Being around this person for a few minutes might have been enough to make them think about getting away from them. But even when they did walk away from them, it is unlikely that they would have felt better straight away. It might have taken a few hours, or even a few days for them to get back on their feet. The Ideal If one has spent more around people who inspire them than they have around people who don’t, their life could be going in the right direction at this point in time. Through spending more time around these people, it might have been easier for them to deal with the people who drained them. One may also find that they have learnt a lot through spending time around people who drain them. For one thing, it might have emphasised how important it is for them to spend time around people who are going to add something to their life. Behaviour In addition to the effect that other people will have on how one feels, there is also the effect they will have on how they will behave. One level, this means that one is unlikely to do something productive when they feel drained, but on another level, they could also take on this persons behaviour. Therefore, one could also find that through being around people who had a negative effect on them, they also started to behave in the same way. This is not to say that this took place overnight, but it would have happened nevertheless. For Example One may have spent a lot of time around someone who had the tendency to eat food that is unhealthy. And through being around them, they might have ended up eating the same kind of food. This might not have stopped their though, as they might have started to eat this food even when they were not in their company. Spending time around this person would then have had a negative effect on their health, and it might have affected their appearance. An Affair One could find that there was a time when one of their friends was having an affair, and this then caused them to think about having one. If, on the other hand, this wasn’t the case, it might have meant that one wouldn’t have even though about having one. One might have stopped themselves from going this far, but there is also the chance that they ended up having one. It was then not something for them to avoid; it was just something that people do. The Time Has Come On a more positive note, if one is a woman and they have a child, they may find that a number of people around them had children before they did. Being around these people may then have made them want to have a child of their own. Yet, if they only spent time around people who didn’t have children, they might not have a child at this point in time. This is then an example of how the people around them have had a positive effect their life. Moving Forward So if one spends time around people who are not willing to settle in life, there will be no reason for one to settle either. What will also cause them to stay on the right track is there need to fit it. If they were around people who were not going anywhere, this is something that would have a negative effect on their life. But as they are around people who have the desire to move forward, this need will assist them. Awareness What this shows is how discerning one needs to be when to come to who they spend time with. If they don’t pay attention to this area of their life, they could end up making their life harder than it needs to be.
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In today’s world, a lot of people are obsessed with celebrities, and there are a number of reasons as to why this is. For some people, this can simply be a way for them to avoid their own life.
This is likely to show that their life is not going as they would like it to go, and focusing on these people in the public eye will be a way for them to escape. It is then not that they look up to them; it is just that they keep them distracted. Another Experience For others, this will also be a way for them to avoid their own life, but that won’t be the only reason. These celebrities can also be seen as being better than them, and this will cause them to put these people on a pedestal. It can then be as if they live the perfect life, and it is then going to be normal for these people to look up to them. And thanks to the internet, it is not difficult to stay up to date with what is taking place in their world. One Response If one doesn’t look up to celebrities but they still spend a lot of time following them, they might not be surprised if one of them has just been in an abusive relationship. And even if they do care about what has taken place, it could still just be a way to keep their mind busy. One could believe that even though they are famous, they still have their own issues like everyone else. There is then going to be no reason for them to get too caught with what this person is going through. A Different Response Yet, if one does look up to the people in the public eye, they might find it hard to believe how this could happen. What they have heard could then consume their mind, and they might even start to feel down. This celebrity could be seen as someone who has everything going for them, and there will then be no reason for them to experience life in this way. One could then start to think about if they really are perfect, or they could just carry on in the same way. Talent When it comes to why someone is famous, it can be because they are good at something. The skill or ability that they have is then what causes other people to elevate them, and to believe that they are different. And this skill or talent will have allowed them to raise their position in the world, and they might even have a lot of money. Therefore, there is no reason why this person should be seen as having it all together. One Area There is the chance that only a few areas of their life are going in the right direction. This is then no different to how the average person can also have a few areas of life that are going well and a few that are not. And if someone is good at something, there is a strong chance that they have had to overlook other areas of their life. One area can then be going extremely well, but another area can be in a real mess. The Driving Force When it comes to what gave them the motivation to get to where they are today, it can be the result of how much pain they were in. They might not have been happy with their life, or it could have been something far more severe. Perhaps they felt completely worthless, and as though they had no reason to live. But no matter how they felt, it would have given them the energy that they needed to move forward. Another Problem However, even if they can’t relate to this, it doesn’t mean that their relationships were functional. They may have been used to being with people who treated them badly, or their caregivers might have treated them badly. Time would then have passed but what was taking place within them wouldn’t have changed. Nevertheless, this is not to say that the fame, money and material possessions they now own won’t have had an effect on they feel. An External World When someone is a famous actor or musician, for instance, their appearance is going to be incredibly important. And through being in an environment like this, they are unlikely to feel the need to reflect on what is taking place within them. Their priority is likely to be on what is taking place externally, and doing everything they can to look right. And if looking right was enough to attract a healthy partner, this wouldn’t be a problem. Going Deeper Yet when it comes to who someone attracts (and who they are attracted to), it is not just about what they look like. What also plays a part here is what is taking place within them; it could be said that this is far more important than their appearance. It can be easy for someone to say that they were attracted to someone due to how they looked, but this is not the complete truth. What was taking place at a deeper level is what pulled them to this person, as opposed to someone else who was equally as attractive. Moving Forward It could then be said that even though someone can run away from themselves, the people they attract will remind them of what they are trying to avoid. This is why it is said that the world is our mirror. If society encouraged people to face their pain and to work through it, there would be less chance of someone ending up in a series of abusive relationship. Instead of this, people are often told to focus on their appearance, and this can cause them to suffer unnecessarily. Conclusion Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if someone is a celebrity or not when it comes to having a healthy relationship; what matters is that one values themselves. If they don’t, they are likely to end up in an abusive relationship. If someone has the tendency to end up with people who are abusive, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to look into what is taking place within them and to heal it.
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If one was to think about the people who they spend time with, they may find that they feel comfortable in their presence. What this could show is that these people accept them as they are.
Acceptance There is then going to be no reason for one to feel as though they need to put on an act. As a result of this, one is going to feel good when they are around them, and they will feel good when their time together comes to an end. To have these kinds of people in their life is naturally going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. The feedback that they get from them will nourish their self-esteem, and it will then be a lot easier for them to achieve their goals. The Right Nutrients Therefore, in the same way that eating the right food will allow one’s body to function in the right way, being around the right people will make it easier for them to be at their best. If, on the other hand, one was their own island, it wouldn’t matter who they had around them. But as one is an interdependent human being, this is not something that can be overlooked. When it comes to how one sees themselves, the people they spend time will play a big part. An Important Area However, even though the people that one surrounds themselves with play a big part in their life, it doesn’t mean that this is something that receives the attention it deserves. For example, it is not common for the mainstream media to talk about how important it is to eat the right food. What this source is unlikely to talk about is how important it is to spend time around the right people. If one was to spend time around the wrong people, it might not matter what they eat. Undermined When one has people around them who accept them, this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. If they were to come cross someone who doesn’t experience life in this way, they might wonder what is going on. If they know them, they could ask them why they don’t find people who will treat them better. The other person could listen to what they have to say, or it could end up going over their head. The Difference One way of looking at this would be to say that one person is lucky and the other is unlucky. But while this might seem like an accurate assessment, there is likely to be a lot more to it. When one has people around them who accept them as they are, it is going to show that one values themselves. Thus, when one is surrounded by people who undermine them, it is going to show that one doesn’t value themselves. Conflict On one level, being around these kinds of people is going to make them feel bad, but at a deeper level, this will be what feels comfortable. One might believe that there is nothing they can do to change this area of their life. If they were to think about how long their life has been this way, they may find that they can’t remember when it was different. What this could show is that their life has more or less always been this way. Worn Down When one is around these people, they could find that they don’t get the support that they need. This could be a time when one will be criticised in some way, and this could relate to a number of different areas of their life. Perhaps they will be told that they need to change their appearance, or the other person could focus on their behaviour. Even so, this is not to say that one will always be undermined in a direct manner. The Other Side There could be moments when this will take place indirectly, and it might take a while for one to work out what has happened. Either way, they are not going to feel good in their presence, and they could feel even worse when their time together comes to an end. Through having these people in their life, it will have a negative effect on their mental and emotional wellbeing. And as they feel so low, they might not have the strength to do anything about their life. Two Sides Yet in order for someone to treat them in this way, it is likely to show that they also have their own issues. And even if someone comes across as though they have it all together, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. If someone comes across as insecure, it can show that they are generally in touch with how they feel; whereas if someone comes across as though they have it all together, it can show that they are generally out of touch with how they feel. Either way, they can both feel worthless at a deeper level. Projection So, when someone tries to change other people, it can be a way for them to feel better about themselves. It could be said that one will be projecting their issues onto others, and this is why they feel the need to change them. But unless they deal with what is taking place within them, they will continue to believe that other people are the problem. Clearly, changing others won’t change what is taking place within them, and this is why they will continue to behave in the same way. Awareness The only way they will be able to accept others is if they are able to accept themselves. Once they deal with what is taking place within them and begin to value themselves, there will be no reason for them to behave in this way. So regardless of whether one spends time with people who try to change them, or if they try to change others they will need to heal themselves. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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If one was asked if they would like to do something by a friend or a family member, for instance, they could give them their answer more or less straight away. But if this doesn’t take place, it could mean that one will need to think about it first.
How they behave is going to depend on a number of different factors. Naturally, there are going to be moments in their life when they can give someone an answer instantly, and moments when it will be necessary for them to take their time. Now or Never Along with this, there are likely to be times when they will have to make up their mind instantly. During these moments, it could relate something that is going to happen straight away. Therefore, if they can’t make up their mind, they will miss out on an opportunity to do something. However, if one didn’t have the ability to take a step back and to think about things when this isn’t the case, it would also cause them problems. Two Options One could end up going along with something that doesn’t interest them, or they could miss out on something that does. So, through being able to do both of these things, it will make life a lot easier. This doesn’t mean that one will always make the right decisions, but this is simply part of life. Ultimately, one is not perfect, and this is why it is not going to be possible for them to always make the right decision. In Tune As one can behave in this way, what it is likely to show is that they are in touch with their needs and feelings. And it is through having a connection with themselves that they can do what is best for them. What this will also show is that they feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. If this wasn’t the case, what is taking place with them is unlikely to have much of an effect on their life. Just Information One would then have moments when they are aware of their needs and feelings, but that would be as far as it goes. Or, if they do listen to what is taking place within them, it will be the exception as opposed to the rule. What this shows is how important it is for one to feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. When one does feel safe enough to do this, there will be no reason for them to have the tendency to please other people. Real If one says yes, it is typically going to be because they mean it, and this means that they will also be able to say no. In fact, if it wasn’t possible for them to say no, it could be said that it wouldn’t be possible for them to say yes. But when one can say no to others, it will show that they feel conformable enough to stand their ground. And as they can do this, it will show that they can say yes and actually mean it. The Ideal Other people might get sense that they are not someone who is going to be mucked around. But even if they don’t feel this way around them, they would find out what they are like if they tried to walk over them. Therefore, if someone tried to abuse them in some way, they wouldn’t feel comfortable with what is taking place. Yet, while this is going to be the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone can relate to. One Option One could be in a position where they have the tendency to say yes to other people. If someone else was to hear about this, they could believe that this is a good thing; with this being seen as something that will allow them to embrace life. But while this can be seen as the best way to experience life, it is going to cause them to suffer. There will, of course, be the opportunities that they are able to accept, but there will also be moments when other people walk over them. False-Self Instead of one being able to listen to their own needs and feelings, they will be focused on other people’s needs and feelings. Their main priority is not going to be to please themselves; it will be to please other people. Other people could describe them as being easy going and enjoy being around them, but this is going to be nothing more than an act. There will be the emotional pain they experience through neglecting their own needs and feelings, and there can be the pain they experience through being treated badly by others. A Closer Look This could be how one has experienced life for as long as they can remember, and they might not even be in touch with their real needs and feelings. One is then behaving as though they are simply an extension of other people. But as one is an individual with their own feelings and needs, it can be hard to understand why they would behave in this way. What this is likely to show is that their childhood was a time when it wasn’t possible for them to develop a sense of self. Awareness This may have been a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver/s needs, and this would have been a matter of survival. Focusing on other people’s needs would then have been what felt safe, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong connection with themselves. If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to get in touch with their true self, and to feel comfortable enough to allow this part of them to define their life.
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When one comes across information that goes against what they believe, they can take the time to look over it. And if they were to meet someone who has a different outlook, they could also listen to what they have to say.
What this can show is that they have an open mind, and this is then why they are able to listen to people who see life differently. Still, this is not to say that they will always agree with what they hear. A Waste of Time If one knew everything, there would be no reason for them to listen to what these kinds of people have to say. Ultimately, one would always be right, and this would mean that it wouldn’t be necessary for them to listen to anyone. But if they did listen to someone, they would only need to listen to them if they knew as much as them. Yet as they both have the same information, it is not going to be possible for one to learn anything; they will simply validate each other’s views. Shining the Light Through listening to what other people have to say, it will give them the chance to see if what they believe is the truth. It can be as if the people they come into contact with will have torches, and these will bring into focus what is taking place within their mind. Without this new information, there will be no way for one to know if what they believe is the truth. Therefore, this new information will allow one to revise and update what is taking place within them. One Outlook Alternatively, when one only listens to people who have the same outlook as they do, it is giving to feed their ego. This part of them has the need to be right, and this is because being right is linked to being able to survive. Thus, if one is wrong, it can be seen as something that will lead to their demise. However, while this may have been the case many, many years ago, it is no longer this black and white. Avoidance If one is wrong about something, they can simply let go of what they believe and accept another way of looking at something. It is unlikely that this will cause them to lose their life, and it will allow them to update their system, so to speak. But while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will allow this to happen. Instead, this part of one’s nature can define how they behave, and this can stop them from being able to open their mind to anything that goes against what they believe. Trapped One can then have the ability to travel around where they live, and even to go to other countries, but their mind is not going to have the same freedom. No matter where they go or who they speak to, this part of them is not going to change. Or if their mind does change, it is likely to be a sign that they have simply heard things that are in alignment with what they believe. The information they allow into their might be slightly different, but it will still validate what they believe. Embellishment It would then be more accurate to say that one will simply add more layers to what they already believe; with each layer strengthening their conviction. When it comes to the effect they will have on others, it can all depend on what they do in life. If, for example, on doesn’t hold a position of power, it might not matter what they believe. They might annoy a few people from time to time but other than that, they could just get on with their life. The Internet There is also the chance that the one will end up going on social media, and this can be a time when they will criticise people who see the world differently. Therefore, when they use one of these sites, they are not going to be interested in having a discussion with anyone who disagrees with them. And one thing they could talk about online is politics; with this being an area that really pulls them in. So, if another person has the same views as they do, there will be no reason for them to say anything. A Different Response In their eyes, they could believe that this is someone who is a ‘good’ person, and they could ‘Like’ what they have shared, for instance. But if they were to come across someone online who has a different view to them, they are likely to have a different outlook. This could be a time when they will accuse them of having some kind of phobia, and there is then going to be no reason for them to have this outlook. What this person believes about something is going to be seen as being completely irrational, and as having no basis in reality. Invalidation Based on this, the best option will be for the other person to see a therapist, for instance, and to deal with their irrational fear. There is the chance that this person does have an irrational fear, but there is also the chance that it is not this black and white. Even so, through telling them that they have a phobia, it will be a way for them to shame the other person. One is then not going to take the time to listen to why they have a certain outlook; they will simply try to silence them. Gaslighting This is similar to what happens when someone is in an abusive relationship, and how their partner will also invalidate their feelings and thoughts, amongst other things. Through doing this, it will allow their partner to gradually wear them down and to destroy their sense of self. Once they have been worn down, it won’t take a lot of effort to control them. And while individuals can behave in this way on social media, it is also something that people in the public eye can do. Conclusion It has been said on numerous occasions how the people behind the scenes, so to speak, can’t use physical violence against the masses anymore. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that people are now free. In the place of violence, people are kept in line in more subtle ways, and people are also rounded up by their fellow human beings. It could be said that it is these people who have the biggest impact. So if one is labelled as having some kind of phobia when they speak out, it will be important for them to stand their ground.
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If one was to think about their career, they may find that they do something that really matters to them. And if they were to think about what their relationships are like, they may also find that this area of their life is just as fulfilling.
It could be said that this will be the ideal scenario, as one is likely to feel as though they are on the right track in life. However, if only one of these areas was going to plan, their life wouldn’t be the same. Out of Balance One could have a fulfilling career but they could find that their relationships are not very fulfilling. This is then likely to mean that they work more than they should, and that they won’t have anyone to share their life with. The reason they can work harder is because this can be a way for them to avoid how they feel, and there is the chance that one is used to feeling lonely and disconnected. The support, validation, and care, amongst other things, that other people would provide is not going to be available. Missing Out There could be people who see them as being extremely successful, and they could even look up to them. But beyond what they have achieved, there is likely to be the sense that something is missing. The pain that is within them might have a played a big part in how far they have been able to go in this area of their life. So although they are doing well in this area in their life, they are going to want to have people in their life that they can connect with. The Other Way On the other hand, one could have people who they are close to, but their career could be going in the wrong direction. In fact, this area of their life could something that they have overlooked for a long time. One is then going to have a number of people around them who care about them, but they will feel as though something is missing. Something within them will have the need to be heard, and until they are able to listen to this part of themselves, they will continue to suffer. Conflict Even so, one could believe that they should be happy with how their life is, and that they shouldn’t expect to have all of their needs met. If something like this is taking place within them, it will be vital for them to look into why they believe this. As there is going to be no reason why they shouldn’t have close friends and a fulfilling career. And if one does have a fulfilling career, there is going to be no reason why they can’t have fulfilling relationships. A Real Connection When one has fulfilling relationships with other people, this is going to show that they don’t hide their true-self when they are around them. One will be in touch with their needs and feelings, and this will allow them to behave in an authentic manner. The people in their life are then going to know who they are, as opposed to a role that they play. So if there is something bothering them, or if they feel down they will be able to open up about it. Being Real This will show that not only will they talk about what has been going in their life; there will also be moments when they share their feelings. And as they are able to do this, it will show that they don’t have the need to look a certain way. Through being this way, the people in their life are also going to feel comfortable enough to open up. If this doesn’t take place, it could show that their relationships are out of balance. An Act There are going to be other people who are unable to relate to this experience, and this is because they will generally hide their true-self when they are around others. As a result of this, they will feel the need to come across in the right way. Now, this could mean that one will come across as a people pleaser and do what other people want, but it might not. What it could also mean is that one will come across as though they have got it altogether. One Purpose Their main priority will be to gain other peoples approval, and this is why they will have to wear a mask. Thus, even though they will have people in their life, they can still feel disconnected from others. And through having to put on act around these people, it is going to cause one to experience a lot of pressure. It won’t be possible for them to let go and relax; if they do, it could be seen as something that will cause them to be rejected and abandoned. Protection What this shows is that one hides their true-self in order to stop themselves from having to experience pain. At a deeper level, they can feel worthless, and this is then why they feel the need to hide who they are. It can be as if they are only good enough if they hide themselves and pretend to be someone else. The reason one would feel this way can be due to what took place when they were younger. A Closer Look During this time, one may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way, and it would have caused them to develop a false-self in the process. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with who they are, but this doesn’t mean that one can change how they feel by thinking differently, for instance. They may be carrying a lot of pain in their body. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what is taking place within them and to work through it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one goes on a date, it is going to be important for them to make sure that they look right. This is not to say that they will need to spend hours on their appearance before they go out; what it comes down to is that it won’t be a good idea for them to overlook how they look.
In addition to what they wear, there can be what perfume they will decide to use and what they will do with their hair. If they are a woman, for instance, they are likely to be able to do far more with their hair than if they were a man. Emotional State During this time, one could feel comfortable, and they might not even think about what will happen with the other person. There is the chance that they have a lot going in their life, and this could cause them to see this as just another moment in their life. Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to come on too strong when they meet the other person. One will be able to be themselves, and this means that they will be in touch with their true-self. The Next Step When they get together, one could find that they are just as they imagined, and this could then result in them having a good time. One could be attracted to how they look, and their personality could also pull them in. This could show that the other person is responding to them in a positive manner, and this can mean that the attraction is mutual. As a result of this, there is the chance that they will end up getting together again. Back to Reality However, no matter how one felt when they were with them, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to focus on the rest of their life. They might think about them from time to time, but their attention is likely to be on their other priorities. It could be said that this is the right approach to have; especially as they might not feel the same way when they meet them again. There is also the chance that something will happen and this may mean that they won’t even see them again. Another Outcome Alternatively, one could go on a date and find that they don’t have a connection with the other person. For one reason or another, how they felt before will have disappeared, and they might want to get away. So even if the other person is interested in them, it is not going to have much of an effect on them. Or, if they are not interested in them, it might be a lot easier for one to walk away from the other person. Two Experiences If one is not attracted to the other person but they are attracted to them, it could mean that one will hear from them afterwards. One could then tell them that they are not interested, or they could simply ignore them. Yet if both of them felt the same way, there will be no reason for one to hear from them again. As they didn’t have a connection with them, they could end up feeling as though they have wasted their time. Inner Harmony At the same time, they could believe that this is simply part of life, and that they are not going to get on with everyone they meet. When one doesn’t get too caught up with this area of their life, it can show that they are not needy. This is then why they don’t come on too strong when they meet someone for the first time, and why they can focus on the rest of their life after a date is over. And as they are not needy, it is going to be a lot easier for them to attract people into their life. A Big Difference What this comes down to is that there is a big difference between having needs and being needy; having needs is part of being human, whereas being needy is a choice. However, if one is needy, it can be a challenge for them to realise this. Instead, one can end up being consumed by their needs, and this is going to make it harder for them to have them met. It can then be normal for them to repel others, and this is going to make them feel even worse. The First Step When one has a date lined up, they could spend a lot of time worrying about if the other person is going to like them. Through experiencing so much pressure, it could cause them to spend a lot of time on their appearance. And when they are with the other person, they could end up putting on an act. One is then going to be out of touch with their true-self, and the other person is likely to pick up on this. The Same Old Story This is not to say that the other person will consciously realise what is taking place, as it could take place unconsciously. Either way, one’s behaviour will cause the other person to feel uncomfortable. The other person could then end up walking away before long, or they could stay and one might not hear from them again. And if one was to reflect on their past experiences, they may find that this has happened on so many occasions. Self-Reflection Due to what has taken place, one could end up feeling like a victim, and as though they have no control over their life. If, on the other hand, one was able to take a step back and to see the effect their behaviour is having on their life, they will be able to see that there is a reason why they experience life in this way. This could be a time when they will see that it has got nothing to do with who they are, and how it is the result of what they are doing. It will then be a good idea for one to look into why they are so needy. Awareness What can play a part here if is one is carrying unmet childhood needs, as these can cause them to feel like a needy child. If one doesn’t value themselves, this can also play a part. If one is carrying unmet child needs and they don’t value themselves, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to process the pain that is within them and to embrace their inherent value.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even though everyone has needs, it doesn’t mean that everyone feels comfortable with their needs. There are going to be people who pay attention to their needs, and this means that they will do what they can to meet them.
On the other hand, there are going to be others who ignore their needs, and this is going to make it hard for them to get them met. And when one can embrace their needs, it is naturally going to have a positive effect on their life. Black and White However, when one takes care of their needs, they can end up being seen as ‘selfish’; whereas if they were to focus on other people’s needs, they can be seen as ‘selfless’. Based on this, if one is there for themselves they are a bad person, but if they ignore themselves, they are a good person. In reality, it is not this simply, and this is because one can be there for themselves and they can be there for others. Through taking care of their needs, it will give them the energy to be there for others. Point of Focus For example, if one wanted to give food to someone else, they would have to have food to begin with. If they didn’t have anything, it wouldn’t be possible for them to give anything to anyone else. In the same way, when one takes care of their own needs before they help others, they will be living their life in the right way. The alternative would be for one to ignore their needs and to be there for others. Out of Balance There could be moments when one is able to help another person through doing this, but they are also going to be ignoring themselves in the process. Therefore, it could be said that one will be fixing one problem by creating another. What this comes down to is that one doesn’t have enough to give, and that is why they will end up paying the price. It would be the same as one giving their lunch money to someone else; this will allow someone else to eat, but it will also cause them to go hungry. One Thing at a Time On the other hand, if one was to make sure their needs are taken care of and then they were to be there for others, this won’t need to take place. They will have plenty to give, and this will stop them from having to harm themselves in the process. This will then allow one to actually make a difference, instead of one behaving in a way that causes them to be another person in the world who is running on empty. Along with this, it can be a lot easier for one to assist others in the right way. Part of the Problem As if one was to spend a lot of time trying to help others, they might be doing more harm than good. Instead of giving them the assistance that they need to change their circumstances, they might be keeping them in the same position. One is then enabling their behaviour, and they could find that the other person’s life ends up becoming even worse. Yet, if one is completely focused on their life, it could stop them from being able to see how much damage is being done. Balance When one feels comfortable with their own needs, they won’t need to neglect themselves. This is not to say that one will also be able to fulfil them; what it means is that they won’t have the tendency to ignore them. One can then eat the right food, relax when they need to, exercise, and take care of their need to connect with others, amongst other things. And then when it comes to their job or when another person needs them, for instance, they will have the energy to truly be there, and they won’t have the need to rescue anyone. Disconnected But while the ideal will be for one to be in touch with their needs and to fulfil them when they can, there are going to be others who are out of touch with their needs. Or even if they are in touch with them, it might not have an effect on their life. Instead, one can be in a position where they are generally focused on other peoples needs. Due to how they behave, it can be as if they are simply an extension of other people. There is a strong chance that they won’t have a strong sense of self; in fact, they might not even know who they are. Even so, all the time they are focused on what other people want (or what they think they want), they are unlikely to realise this. A Habit Focusing on other people’s needs is likely to be something that just happens, and this means that one might not even need to think about doing it. Through being this way, there could be moments in their life when they feel down and even angry. And while they could look into what is going on, they could simply carry on as normal. The pain that they experience through experiencing life in this way could be offset by the approval that they receive from others. Stepping Back If they were to look into why they focus on other people’s needs, they could find that this is what feels safe. There may have been moments in their life when they have behaved differently, and it might have caused them to experience fear and anxiety. Putting their needs first is then going to be seen as something that will cause them to be harmed in some way. It might be hard for them to understand why they would feel this way; especially as this is the healthy thing to do. Going Deeper What this can show is that their childhood years were a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver/s needs. And if they didn’t do as they were told during this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected. The pain they experienced all those years ago is then still in their body, and this is why they are unable to experience life differently. Their true-self will have gone into hiding, and what people will be exposed to is their false-self. Awareness Through being treated in this way, there is the chance that one feels ashamed of their needs, and they might also feel worthless. But if they were treated in this way, this is not going to be much of a surprise. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what is taking place within them and to let it go.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are some people who use social media from time to time and then there are others, who use it practically all the time. If one only uses it on the odd occasion, it is not going to be seen as a big part of their life.
A Big Difference Therefore, if it was no longer possible for them to go online or if social media suddenly disappeared, it might not bother them. Their life would carry on as normal, and they might soon forget all about it. However, when one spends a lot of their time using social media, it could be seen as an extension of them. It can be something that is just as important as their arm or leg, for instance. A Massive Loss Thus, if it was not possible for them to go online, it would probably cause them to experience a lot of pain. And if social media suddenly disappeared, they might not know what do to with themselves. Their life will continue, but it can be as if their life has suddenly come to an end. A big part of their life will have disappeared, and they are likely to experience withdrawal symptoms. Looking Back What can play a part here is if one has grown up with social media, and as it has been around for quite some time now, there will be people who don’t know any different. As soon as they as they had the ability to use a device, they would have been able to use social media. For others, they will know what it is like to live in a world without social media. Even so, this doesn’t mean that it would be easier for them to handle life without it; they could experience the same problems as the people who have always had it. Part of Life This shows how easy it is to get hooked on social media, and the kinds of devices that are available play a part in this. If one has a Smartphone or tablet, for instance, they can go online no matter where they are. It is then easy to see why soemone would see social media as being another part of them. If, on the other hand, one had to sit down to a computer whenever they needed to use it, it wouldn’t be the same. A Number of Uses When one uses social media, there are a number of things that they can do, and it won’t matter how often they use it either. For example, one could one go on their once a week and still share their whole life on their wall, or they could go on there a few times a day and do the same thing. Alternatively, one could go on there once a week and only send people messages, and one could do the same thing even if they use it every day. And when it comes to what other people find out about them, it could be said that one has a lot of control. Privacy The approach that one takes will all depend on how comfortable they feel with sharing their life online. If they don’t feel comfortable sharing their life online, they might prefer to send messages to people. When it comes to what they share on their wall, it might relate to things that are impersonal. But if one is not bothered about their privacy, they can end up sharing practically everyone online. A Different Level of Attachment It could be said that the more someone uses social media, the more attached they will be to it, and what will also play a part is what they share with others. If one doesn’t hold back and they share their whole life, they are likely to have a strong attachment to it. Along with this, if one doesn’t have many close friends in the real world, they could also be just as attached to it. It then won’t matter if they share their life online, as it will play a big part in their life. Not the Same Clearly, talking to someone online is not the same as talking to them in person, but it could be said that it is better than nothing. Simply talking to another person over a screen can make it easier for one to handle life. Nevertheless, talking to people over a screen is not the only thing that can have an effect on them when they use social media. There are a number of ways in which one’s emotional state can be affected when they go online. Up and Down When one shares something on their wall, the amount of comments and ‘likes’ they get can have a big effect on how they feel. For example, one could share something and not receive as many ‘likes’ as they wanted, and they could then end up feeling down and even worthless. Or, one could find out that one of their ‘friends’ has deleted them, and this could cause them to feel rejected. This could even make them question their value, and they could wonder if they are good enough. Another Factor If one was to spend time looking at what their ‘friends’ have been doing, they could also notice how their inner world starts to change. The problem here is that it is not uncommon for people to only share the good moments in their life, and how they look in a picture might not actually reflect what was taking place. One can then see another person having a good time or perhaps they have just started a new relationship, and this could cause them to feel as though they are missing out. When this takes place, it could be said that one will be comparing their life with others. Conclusion These are just some of the ways in which ones emotional state can be affected when they use social media. So although there are things on social media that will have a positive effect on how one feels, there are also things that won’t. If one can relate to this and they want to take back control of how they feel, they might need to spend less time on social media. Another option would be for them to use it, but to no longer allow themselves to be as emotionally invested in what happens online.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of things that human beings need, and one thing they need is to be seen for who they are. And in order for this to take place, it will be necessary for them to feel comfortable in their own skin.
If they don’t feel comfortable with who they are, it will be a challenge for them to be themselves. It can then be normal for one to hide who they are, and this is going to stop them from being seen by others. The Difference Now, this is not to say that other people won’t be able to see them; what it means is that they won’t see their true-self. The people one comes into contact with will end up seeing their false-self, and this is going to cause them to suffer. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that other people will always realise this. Most of the people who one comes into contact with could believe that this is who they are. In The Background Due to the role that they play, they could come across as someone who is shy or withdrawn, for instance. Therefore, there is a strong chance that a lot of people won’t even notice them, and one could be used to feeling invisible. And while this could be something that frustrates them, it will also be something that feels comfortable. Through fading into the background, there will be less chance of them being put on them spot. Less Severe The pain that they experience from being on the sidelines won’t be as bad as the pain they would experience through being seen. So while they will suffer, it will be something that they are willing to tolerate. If they were to come out of the shadows and to stand out, it will be seen as something that will cause them even more pain. The thought of being seen by others could cause them to experience anxiety and fear. Underachiever Through behaving in this way, they may find that it hasn’t been possible for them to get very far in life. When it comes to their career, they may have a job that they don’t enjoy, or if they do enjoy it, they may stop themselves from taking the next step. If they are in a relationship, they could be with someone who completely overshadows them. One is then going to feel ignored in this area of their life, and they might even be with someone who is abusive. The Other Side It could then be said that one’s life is not going to be very fulfilling, and they might even have moments when they wonder why they are even here. However, even though someone doesn’t feel comfortable with who they are, it doesn’t mean that they will experience life in this way. As while one can embrace how they feel, they can also end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them. This can then cause them to create a false-self that will allow them to stand out. In The Foreground What this can then mean is that other people will see them as someone who isn’t afraid to be the centre of attention. This is not to say that they will be popular though, as they could be seen as someone who is a bit full of themselves. One could find that they only feel comfortable when they experience life in this way, and if they were on the sidelines, they could end up feeling angry. It will then be important for them to do everything they can to gain people’s attention. Overachiever When it comes to their career, they could do something that they enjoy, and they may have been able to rise to the top of their profession. A lot of people could see them as someone who has ‘made it’. And if they are in an intimate relationship, it could mean that they are with someone who makes them look good. In fact, they could be more concerned with spending time with people who will make them look good than they are with people who they actually connect with at a deeper level. A Closer Look So although someone like this can come across as though they have everything together, this is nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, they are still hiding; the difference is that they are hiding behind their success. What they have built up externally allows them to keep how they feel about themselves at bay. And if how they feel comes to the surface, they will probably end up doing something to avoid how they feel. Hiding in Plain Site Regardless of what they have achieved, the people around them are not going to know who they are; they will only know the role they play. If they were to let go of this role, they would have to face how they feel about themselves. On the other hand, when one faces how they feel about themselves, other people will be able to see that they are hiding. What this shows is that one can hide from others or they can hide in front of others, but this still relates to their false-self. In The Way If one felt comfortable with their true-self, they wouldn’t need to stay small and neither would they need to achieve things in order to feel good about themselves. One would be in touch with their inherent value and they would feel safe enough to be themselves. What can stop this from taking place is if one is carrying toxic shame, and this will cause them to feel as though they are inherently flawed. And it won’t matter what they do, as this will have permeated their whole being. Awareness The reason that they are experiencing life in this way can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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