When someone is able to stand their ground, they are not going to have to worry about being walked over. Now, this doesn’t mean that they will never be walked over by others; what it means is that is that it won’t be something that happens on a regular basis.
As if it was something they were accustomed to, it would be normal for them to spend a lot of time thinking about how people don’t respect their boundaries. In fact, this could be something that ends up consuming their whole life. A Big Difference What this shows is how important boundaries are, when it comes to being able to live a fulfilling life. Yet, even without going this far, they are there to stop people from taking advantage of them. Therefore, they not only play a part in one being able to thrive; they also play a part in them being able to survive. As a result of this, one’s life is clearly going to be a lot easier when they have them. The Norm If one is able to stand their ground, this could be how they have been for as long as they can remember. Due to how their life has been for so long, this could be something that they take for granted. When it comes to asserting themselves, this could be something that just happens, and there is then going to be no reason for them to think about it. For example, another person could ask them to do something or stand too close to them, and they could instantly feel the need to take action. In Tune One is then going to be in touch with themselves, and they are going to feel comfortable enough to allow their feelings and needs to define their behaviour. This is going to be the difference, as if they didn’t feel comfortable doing this, they wouldn’t be able to stand their ground. There is then going to be no reason for them to focus on doing what they can to please others; their priority will be to please themselves. And as they are the only ones who know what their needs and feelings are, this is going to be the right approach for them to have. Another Experience If one lived on a planet where people knew what their needs were, it wouldn’t matter if they listened to them. The people around them would know what is or is not acceptable. But as one lives on planet where people are generally going to be unaware of what their needs are, this is not going to take place. This is why it is vital for one to be in touch with what is taking place within them and to feel comfortable enough to pay attention to it. Reality When someone is unable to stand their ground, there is a strong chance that they don’t feel comfortable enough to do so. And if this is something that they can’t relate to, it could be a sign that they haven’t taken the time to reflect on what takes place when they are walked over. However, if they were able to take a step back from what is taking place and to get in touch with how they feel when this happens, it this may soon change. During this time, they could see that they end up being overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. A Reaction Or, they could find that they just go along with what other people want without experiencing anything. It could then seem as though they have no control over what is taking place. In this case, it is likely to show that this behaviour has become so ingrained that it is as if they are possessed by someone or something else. The sooner one is able to connect to what is taking place within them, the sooner their life will improve. Self-Harm It could then be said that the reason other people walk all over them is because they allow this to happen. If they felt comfortable standing their ground, they would have no reason to tolerate this behaviour. The discomfort that arises within them stops them for being able to listen to themselves, and this is what needs to change. In addition to this, they could believe that they deserve to be walked over. A Closer Look One might find it hard to understand why they would feel this way; especially as it is so important for them to stand their ground. At one point in their life, they may have lived in an environment where it wasn’t safe for them to listen to themselves. If this was during their early years, it could mean that they were abused by their caregivers; ignoring their needs and feelings would then have been a way for them to survive. How they were treated would have caused them to suffer and it would have made it harder for them to handle life as an adult. Inner Strength Through being treated in this way, it is not going to be a surprise for them to have the tendency to do what other people want. And even though time has passed, they can believe that they would be putting their life at risk if they behaved differently. Unless the fear that is within them starts to subside, it won’t be possible for them to assert themselves. They will keep doing what other people want and this will continue to have a negative effect on their life. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to deal with what is taking place within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When someone has the urge to find out about what is taking place in the world, there is a strong chance that they will have a certain news source that they go to. This could be a source of information that they have followed for most of their life.
Since the beginning of their life, they may have had one source that they have also gone to. There is the chance that the people around them during this time also paid attention to this source. A Habit Therefore, there is going to be no reason for them to think about what they will do when they need to be informed. The desire will arise and they could soon come into contact with the information they need. Naturally, this is going to save them a lot of time, as they won’t need to think about what do to. At the same time, there is also the chance that the source of information one pays attention to wasn’t around when they were younger. The Internet What this can come down to is that they look toward an online source when they want to find out about what is going on in the world. And this source might not have been around for very long. This could mean that one will only pay attention to this online source and no longer pay attention to anything else. In their eyes, this could be seen as the only one that can be trusted. Another Approach Alternatively, one could have a number of online and offline sources that they are drawn to. As a result, they could spend time reading the paper and looking through an online news site. In general, the easiest thing for one to do will probably be to go online and to be informed that way. Through having some kind of device, they won’t need to buy a paper or to watch TV, for instance. Letting Go When one has paid attention to a news source for a certain period of time and they trust this source, they can be happy to sit back and to accept everything they are told. There is then going to be no need for them to question anything, and this will save them a lot of energy. One could find that they have enough going on in their life without needing to do someone else’s job. If they were to do this, it would take their focus away from other areas of their life. Support What could also play a part here, is that one could have a number of friends who also look towards the same source as them. In fact, this could be a source of information that most people seem to look towards. This can then be taken as a sign that they have the right approach, and there might not be anyone around them to tell them otherwise. Based on this outlook, whether something is true or not will be seen as something that all depends on how many people believe it. A Deeper Level Even so, this doesn’t mean that one will see that a lot of people follow the same as source as them and then come to the conclusion that this shows they are being told the truth. This is likely to be something that will take place without them even thinking about it. At times, what they are told by this source of information is going to be the truth, but at other times, it might not be. However, if one only pays attention to this source of information, how will they know? Control It is then not going to be hard for the people behind this source to control what one believes about the world. The only thing they will need to do is to talk about something and it will be seen as the truth. If one was to hear this, they could say that this wouldn’t take place as they only exist to inform people. On one hand, there is the chance that this is true and, on the other, it might not be. Fallible Yet, regardless of whether a news source exists to deceive people, it doesn’t mean that they can always be trusted. At the end of the day, the people who present the news are not perfect, and this means that they will make mistakes from time to time. It is then going to be in one’s best interest to question what they are being told, as opposed to going along with it. This will take more effort, but it will allow one to have a more accurate idea of what is actually going on around them. All Sources If one only pays attention to the alternative media, they may believe that this is different. Thus, unlike the mainstream media, this source of information is the only one can that be trusted. This is then going to make one an easy target, as even this source is not always going to present the truth. But unless one realises this, they will have stopped themselves from being controlled by one source only to be controlled by another. Conclusion What this emphasises is how important it is for people to think for themselves, and not to get caught up in whether it is coming from the mainstream media or the alternative media. It also doesn’t matter how many people pay attention to something, as this doesn’t define whether it is true or not.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Cause You To Attract People Who Are Dependent?10/12/2016
While some people can have the tendency to end up with people who they are dependent on, there are others who can attract people who are dependent on them. As a result of this, someone can feel as though they have no control, or as though they have all the control.
A Weaker Position If one was to only have relationships where they can’t stand on their own two feet, it can be normal for them to feel as though they have to do what the other person wants. As if this doesn’t take place, their very survival could be put at risk. Whether they do or don’t do something, it is then going to be defined by if the other person gives them the all clear, so to speak. When this doesn’t take place, they will have to put their own needs to one side. A Stronger Position On the other hand, if one is used to being with people look towards them to support them, they can believe that the other person has to do what they want. If this doesn’t occur, one will be able to walk away from them. When it comes to how they live their life, it is not going to matter if the other person offers their approval or not. There is then going to be no reason for them to neglect their own needs. Not As Clear At the same time, there are likely to be times when it is not this black and white, and this will cause the power to shift from one person to the other. However, it could be said that this is to be expected, and this is because it is a relationship after all. Even if one is in the driver’s seat and doesn’t need to please the other, they could still end up being pulled in by them. Their need to please them is not going to be a matter of survival; it will be a way to keep them around. Conflict Therefore, regardless of what position one is in, it is not going to be all plain sailing. When one has a relationship with someone who is dependent on them, they can feel more like their parent than their partner. There is then the chance that they would happily give the amount of control they have away if it allowed them to find someone different. Ultimately, being in control is not going to fulfil all of their needs. Way of Life If one was to reflect on what is taking place, they may find that this is how their life has been for quite some time. Thus, although they want to experience life differently, they might wonder if it is possible to do so. In fact, the thought of meeting someone who is different could cause them to feel uncomfortable. Part of them is then going to be ready for their life to change and another part is going to be reluctant to move forward. Powerless But even though one can be in a position where they generally have the upper hand when it comes to the people they attract, it doesn’t mean that they believe their life can change. As far as they are concerned, this could be seen as something they have to put up with. Each person they have been with would have enforced this belief, and so it is to be expected that they will have this outlook. Still, no matter how long their life has been with way, there is no reason why it can’t change. A Benefit If they were to look into why they feel uncomfortable when it comes to the thought of experiencing life differently, it could simple come down to how long their life has been this way. Alternatively, this could be a time when they will find that that there is a reason why they attract people who are dependent on them. At a deeper level, they could fear being abandoned and, by attracting people who are dependent on them, it will be a way for them to keep this fear at bay. As one is an adult, it might be hard to for them to understand why they have this fear. Two Levels One on level, one is going to want to attract someone who can be there for them and meet there needs for once. But at a deeper level, they are going have the need to be with someone who won’t leave them. And what is taking place at a deeper level has far more control than what is going on in their mind. What this also shows is that even if one comes across as though they have got it all together, this is nothing more than a facade. An Act They could have a successful career and appear to be a well adjusted adult, but this is going belie what is taking place within them. It could be said that they will feel like a child in an adult’s body. The reason one feels this way is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. This could have been a time when they were neglected on a regular basis, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. Awareness When it comes to how the people they attract feel, it is going to be a reflection of how one feels at a deeper level. What is taking place externally is then mirroring back what is taking place internally. In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s fast-paced world, there is often the need for instant gratification, and when something doesn’t happen straight away, it can lead to all kinds of problems. This can be a time when someone will experience a strong emotional reaction, and the sooner they get what they want the sooner they will settle down.
The Ideal It is then going to be important for them to get what they want, when they want it, as this will stop them from getting worked up. This is then going to be something that will have a positive effect on their well-being. Therefore, even though they are impatient, it won’t have much of an effect on their life. However, while this can be seen as the ultimate way to live, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. Appreciation For one thing, if one could have what they want, when they want it, it would stop them from being able to appreciate what they receive. Instead of having the put the work in or waiting for something, it would just be given to them. Yet, if they had to put the effort in, they would probably be more grateful when they do attain something. The amount of time, effort and energy that they put in would stop them from taking it for granted. Patience And through having to wait, it can have a bigger effect on them when they do get want they want. During the time that they are waiting, they would have spent a lot of time thinking about what will happen when they get it. Through building it up in their mind, when it did arrive it would have had a far bigger impact on them than if this didn’t take place. If one’s desires are always met shortly after they have them, what they receive is unlikely to have a lot of value to them. At Times In general, there are going to be things that one can have more or less straight away and other things that they will have to wait for. For example, when it comes to achieving something significant, it is unlikely to happen overnight. As a result of this, it will be essential for one to have the ability to delay gratification or they won’t get very far. It could be said that when it comes to being successful, having the ability to delay gratification is incredibly important. On The Lookout Even so, this doesn’t mean that one won’t look for ways to get to where they want to be faster. When someone goes to the gym and uses supplements, this can be seen as a way for them progress faster. In this case, it could be said that they are taking the sensible approach, and this is unlikely to have a negative effect on them. The part of them that is prepared to wait is working with the part of them that doesn’t, and this can lead to an outcome that will please both sides. A Role to Play What this shows is that the part of them that wants to have something instantly is not something that needs to be removed; it has a role to play. It would then be more accurate to say that one simply needs to get this part of them under control. If they can do this, it can give them the drive they need to move forward, and it can remind them when something is taking too long to take place. Without this part, one could end up going along with something even when it is not going anywhere. A Limited Time Ultimately, one is not going to life forever, and so it is going to be a good idea for them to be open to ways that may allow them to cut the amount of time it will take them to achieve something. When this happens, one will be using this side of them to their advantage. It could then be said that they have a certain level of self-control, and this can make it easier for them to achieve their goals. And while the need to experience instant gratification can make someone want something straight away, it can also play a part in their desire to change how they feel. Loss This is something that can occur when one has experienced loss, and due to what has taken place, they are likely to be in a lot of pain. They can end up having the desire to put an end to their pain and for this to happen sooner rather than later. There is then not just going to be the need for instant gratification, there will be the need to avoid pain. This could be put down to the fact that they have things to do, and that they haven’t got time to be this way. The Answer One could end up looking for a way to put an end to their pain so that they can ‘get over’ what has taken place. It might only be a matter of time before they come across something that promises to do just that. This is then going to be similar to how one can drop something on the floor, make a mess, and before long, it can be cleaned up. It is then going to be as if nothing has happened and they can carry on as normal. Back to Reality When one takes this approach, they are not only going to be deceived by the people/person who says they can get over how they feel; they will also be deceiving themselves. As although it can be easy to clean up something has been dropped on the floor, the same approach won’t work when it comes to what is taking place within them. It would be more accurate to say that one will never ‘get over’ what has taken place; the only thing that will happen is that it will gradually get easier for them to handle it. One way of looking at it is would be to say that the grief that is within them is there to remind them of the person who has passed on. Awareness After they have been grieving for a certain amount of time, they may begin to settle down. There can then be times when they will feel as though they are back where they started, and this is because this is not a linear process. This pain could also come to the surface when it would have been the other person’s birthday and at other special occasions, for instance. What matters is that one allows themselves to surrender to what is taking place, and reaches out for support if they need to.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that every emotion has a purpose, and this means that it is going to be important for one to pay attention to all of them. However, even though this is the case, it can be easier said than done.
What this comes down to is that while they might be able to embrace certain emotions, there can be others that they can’t. In fact, one might only be aware of certain emotions, and this is likely to mean there will be emotions that they are disconnected from. Society When it comes to why they are experiencing life in this way, it could be said that the kind of conditioning they have received will have played a part. While certain emotions are seen as acceptable, there are others that are not. Along with this, one can also feel as though they have to make sure that they don’t allow their emotions to get out of control. Therefore, they can express certain emotions, but it will be necessary for them to keep a close eye on the ones they can express. A Zombie What this comes down to is that emotions are often seen as a problem in today’s world, and this is because they can stop people from being able to function. If they were to experience anger or anxiety, for instance, it could stop them from being able to fulfil the role that society wants them to play. On one hand, it could set them up to commit crime, and on the other hand, it could stop them from being as productive. As a result of this, the ideal might be for one to be an emotionless human being. Pros and Cons On the plus side, this would allow one to do what society expects them to do; there would be no chance of them causing problems. This would keep the wheels of the machine running smoothly. Yet, this would stop them from being able to experience the highs and lows that make life enjoyable. Their ability to connect to their fellow human beings would also end up being destroyed. Another Factor Having said this, it would be inaccurate to say that society is the only influence when it comes to the relationship that one has with their emotions. How their caregivers responded to their emotions during their early years will have played a part. This could have been a time when they had to hide what was taking place within them, or they might have only been able to express certain emotions. Either way, this would have stopped them from developing a healthy relationship with what was taking place within them. The Years Pass As an adult, one could then find that although they feel comfortable being happy, they don’t feel comfortable getting angry. If they were to get angry, they could keep it to themselves. This can then mean that they will find it hard to stand their ground, and this is then going to allow other people to walk all over them. Alternatively, one may find that they don’t even get angry, and this is likely to show that they have completely disconnected from their anger. Approval But while this will cause them to experience problems, it doesn’t mean that they will come to the conclusion that they need to change their life. Instead, it could be normal for one to believe that they are doing the right thing. There could be people around them who will give them positive feedback for being so calm. Or, if they do pick up on what is taking place, they could tell them that they need to stop letting other people take advantage of them. The Full Spectrum When one is in touch with their emotions and they are able pay attention to how they feel, it will allow them to operate as a whole human being. If something is not right or if they are being walked over, they will be able to do something about it. During the moments when their life is going well, they will be able to feel good without feeling guilty. And if they have just experienced loss, they will be able to feel the pain that is within them without needing to push it away. A Message Ultimately emotions are there to inform one about what is taking place, and if they don’t pay attention to this information, their life is going to be harder than it needs to be. When it comes to anger, this usually arises when one feels as though they are being compromised or taken advantage of in some way. If they take the time to look into why they are angry, it will allow them to do something about what is taking place. Yet, if they don’t do this, they may continue to experience life in the same way. It Doesn’t Go Away And even if one was to ignore their anger, it doesn’t mean that it will simply disappear. In the short-term, it may seem this way, and then as time passes, it could start to affect them in other ways. For example, they may find that they start to experience headaches and/or migraines, ulcers and they could have stomach problems, for instance. What this comes down to is that not everyone is going to respond in the same way. Skin Problems It might also only be a matter of time before their skin starts to suffer, and this might only affect a certain area of their body. Their skin could look red, or it could end up being dry and cracked. Awareness When this takes place, it is going to be vital for them to look into what they are angry about. This could be a time when they will need to speak up about something, or to change their life in some way. One might need to talk to a friend about what they are going through, or they could reach out for the support of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk News: Is It Important For Someone To Limit Their Exposure To The News When They Are Sensitive?7/12/2016
It could be said that it is easier than ever before for people to stay up to date with what is taking place in the world. This is partly because they no longer need to go and buy a paper or to turn on a TV, for instance.
A Device As long as they have a Smartphone or something similar, everything they need is going to be right at their finger tips. This is going to save them a lot of time and energy, and they won’t need to miss out of what is going on around them. One could go onto different websites, or they could simply go onto a social media site. When it comes to the latter, one could have news that shows up on their News Feed. Effortless There is then going to be no reason for them to browse the web; they can simply look through their Wall. What this comes down to is that if one ‘likes’ a page, they won’t need to visit the page to stay up to date with what has been taking place. But even if they had to look through a page they have ‘liked’, it is going to be easier than if they were to browse the web. However, the downside to this is that one can end up only hearing about certain things. The Echo Chamber For example, if one only ‘likes’ news sources that lean to the left, they are likely to miss out on the news sources that lean to the right. There is then going to be no reason for them to question what they read. It is going to validate their outlook, and that can then be the only thing that matters. Yet, if they were to see another point of view, they might be able to see that what they are being told is not the truth. One Purpose Nevertheless, if one is only interested in being exposed to information that validates what they believe, this is going to be irrelevant. Their mind is going to be closed, and so they won’t need to question what they are being told. As a result of this, social media is going to allow them to fulfil this need, and they need to worry about seeing anything else. Or, if they do, it could be due to what their ‘friends’ share. Too Much But with that aside, one could fund that there are drawbacks to being so connected to what is taking place. Regardless of whether it is due to a page they have ‘liked’ or what some else has shared; they could feel as though they need a break from it all from time to time. On one hand, they could feel as though they are informed about the world, and on the other hand, they could feel as though it is not good for their health. It is then going to be similar to how someone can exercise a few times a week, or they can end up doing too much and causing themselves harm. The Right Amount There could be times when it will be better for them to limit the amount of news that they are exposed to. This could be a sign that they are going through a challenging time, and it will then be necessary for them to take a step back from it all. They could do this by ‘unliking’ certain pages for a short time, and if they have the inclination to watch the news on TV, they could also cut down on this. Ultimately, it will be important for them to listen to themselves. A Negative Influence Yet even if one is not going through a challenging time, they could still benefit from limiting their exposure to the news. What this comes down to is that most of what the media shares is designed to get a reaction out of people. And this generally takes place by focusing in events that are negative, or events that are likely to trigger a strong reaction. The people behind this source of information understand that human beings are more likely to focus on stories that are negative than those that are positive. Attention Therefore, if they were to spend more time focusing on what is going well in the world, there is a strong chance that their ratings would decline. At the end of the day, they want people to focus on what they are selling, and this is not going to happen if they were to change their approach. In this case, even if someone was to complain about how much negativity there is in the news, it doesn’t mean that they would spend as much time consuming the news is this was to change. It could then be said that when one is aware of this, it can allow them to protect themselves better. Another Different Along with how one might need to take a step back from it from time to time, they may also find that they need to limit how much they are exposed to. Through spending so much time taking in the news, it could have a big effect on their well-being. One could find that while the people around then can watch the news, for instance, and then carry on with their life; it is not possible for them to do so. For days after, they could feel depressed or they could be overcome with anxiety. Highly Sensitive Person What this can show is that one doesn’t respond to life in the same way as the average person. As a result of how sensitive they are, it is going to be essential for them to limit their exposure to the news. If they don’t do this, they will be giving their power away to things that they generally have no control over. Their mental and emotional health will suffer, and this could go onto effect their physical health. Awareness When one is sensitive and they are aware of this, it will enable them to take care of their needs; but when one is not aware of this, it will set them up to suffer unnecessarily. This is why the more one understands themselves; the easier it will be for them to thrive.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the past, there was greater pressure on people to behave in a certain way, and it didn’t matter what sex they were. Due to the changes that have taken place in recent years, it is a lot easier for them to behave how they want to.
A Challenge Even so, this is not to say that everyone feels as though they can be themselves. There are likely to be plenty of people who still feel as though they need to behave in a certain way. What this could show is that thy live in an environment where men are expected to behave like men, and women are expected to behave like women. This is then going to make it difficult for them to be themselves. Dangerous In fact, it could put their life under threat if they were to express their true-self, and so it might be better them to put on an act. This will cause them to suffer, but it would be far worse if they were to be themselves. And every so often, they could end up going against this pressure, and this could set them up to be harmed in some way. The people around them could end up verbally abusing them, for instance. Closer to Home Alternatively, one could find that although their friends accept them even though they act how they want to, the same can’t be said for their family. In their eyes, they could believe that as one is a man/woman, they should act like one. This is not to say that they will say this directly, but it could come out when it comes to how they behave and what they say to them. The kinds of things they buy them could also reveal what they believe. Two Choices If this was something that took place, one could decide to go along with what is taking place, and this will allow them to keep them in their life. Or, they might end up deciding to turn their back on them. It can all depend on what their behaviour is like, and the effect is has on their well-being. There is the chance that they have tried to talk to them in the past about it, but it hasn’t got them very far. Emotions If one is man, they might find that it hasn’t always been easy for them to show how they feel, and that there are still times when they hide how they feel. This will come down to the fact that men are often expected to be strong all the time. A lot has been done to change this; however, it is clear that there is a lot that still needs to be done. It could be said that the amount of men who commit suicide each year’s shows that this is an area that can’t be overlooked. Standing up On the other hand, if one is a woman, they may find that it hasn’t always been easy for them to be assertive. There is still the chance that this doesn’t always take place, and it could then be something that they need to work on. It could be said that this is the result of the kind of conditioning they have received, and how they can feel the need to be agreeable. If they were to always go along with what others wanted, it is unlikely to have a positive effect on their life. Another Experience At the same time, one could find that even though they are a man and that it should be easy for them to stand their ground; this could be something they can’t do. It could be a lot easier for them to show how they feel than to be assertive. And if one is a woman, they could find that they don’t have trouble standing their ground. What they could find, is that they have a hard time showing how they feel. A Gray Area Therefore, while it would be easy to put men into one box and women into another, it is clearly not this black and white. As with most things in life, there are going to be exceptions. Also, if someone was to spend some time looking into this, they could find that some people believe that men are more feminine than they used to be and women are more masculine. Now, if one was to spend time in a certain environment or to pay attention to what is being shown on TV, they could come to the same conclusion. A Closer Look If they were to take a closer look into this, they could find that there are a number of reasons as to why this is. The kind of conditioning people receive could be seen as playing a big part in how people have changed. What they could also come across is how the kind of diets people are on has influenced their behaviour. These two factors could then be seen as the reason why people have changed so much. Another Angle Yet, this might not be enough, and they may believe that there is another factor involved. What they could go onto believe is that one of the main reason why people have changed so much is because they are not under as much pressure as they used to be. It is than not that people have changed; it is that they feel more comfortable being themselves. In this sense, some men and women are allowing their true-self to be revealed, as opposed to putting on an act.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone has the tendency to attract people who are not right for them, it can cause them to suffer. This can be something that will consume their whole life, and it will then stop them from being able to experience a fulfilling existence.
Alternatively, they could end up turning their back on this area of their life, and put all of their energy into their career, for instance. Through doing this, one may find that it doesn’t take them long to move forward. Independent After a while, one could come to see themselves as being independent, and say that they don’t need anyone else to make them happy. Having this outlook will make it easier for them to keep the pain that is within them at bay. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will always be able to do this, as it could come to the surface from time to time. This could be a time when they will do something to avoid how they feel, or they could end up looking for someone to be with. An Escape And in today’s world, it is not going to be a challenge for them to find a way to disconnect from how they feel. There is the chance that they will end up having a casual encounter. They could do this by going out, or they could simply find someone on an internet dating site. This may fulfil their sexual needs, but it is unlikely to do much else, and it could remind them of how they much want to be with someone. Two Sides Once this has taken place, they can feel better for a short while, and then as time passes, they can end up feeling even worse than they did before. They could even feel as though they have lowered themselves through doing this. Yet, if they don’t do this, they could end up reaching out for some kind of alcohol. At the same time, one could just stay focused on their work and they might soon feel different. Reaching Out If one was to look for someone to be with, it might only be a matter of time before they are single again. It could take a number of weeks or months for them to recover, and this could be a time when they will feel hopeless, amongst other things. Or, they could find a way to avoid this pain, and it is then not going to be long until they are back on their feet. Due to what they have been through (yet again), they could say that they won’t open themselves up again. An Important Need But, as soon as they begin to settle down and the experience is no longer as fresh in their mind, they could be on the lookout once more. What this comes down to is that this need won’t simply disappear. They will be able to cover it up, but it will always be there, and the sooner they are able to change their circumstances, the better their life will be. If their friends are in a relationship, they could tell them that they just need to be patient. Support There could also be moments when one will look towards these people and see them as weak, and this could occur when they have disconnected from their needs. Unlike these people, they will believe that they can handle life by themselves. Therefore, instead of having to feel as though as though they are not good enough, they can rise above other people. If this was to take place, it is likely to be a way for them to avoid how they feel. Another Option However, if one didn’t take this route and they were to continue to look for someone even though they attract the wrong people, they could spend a lot of time trying to understand their behaviour. And even if they were with someone, they could still do the same thing. It is then not going to matter what their relationship status is, as they will be focused on the same thing. One could believe that once they understand why the people they end up with act as they do, their life will change. The Reason Based on this, it is going to be essential for them to find out what is going on for these people. If they were to think about why this is so important, it could be seen as a way for them to put their mind at rest. In addition to this, they may believe that it will give them the insight they need so they can change their behaviour. As if they knew what they were doing wrong, they would be able to change their behaviour. A Distraction But while this can seem like the logical thing to do, it can stop one from being able to change their life. Ultimately, they are the ones who keep attracting the same people, and so it might be better for them to look into what is taking place within them. Through focusing on what other people have done or are doing, it can be a way for them to avoid themselves. If they were to get in touch with what it taking place within them, it could cause them to experience a lot of pain. Awareness This pain won’t last forever though; whereas if they were to focus on why other people behave as they do, their life is unlikely to change. Now, this is not to say that there is not a time and a place to do this; what it comes down to is that if this is the only thing that takes place, they will be out of balance. When it comes to getting in touch with and working through what is taking place within them, they might need to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even though someone can be seen as a celebrity, there would have been a time when no one knew who they were. That is unless their parents were already famous, and this would have given them the upper hand.
In The Beginning Therefore, if one doesn’t have famous parents, for instance, they may have had to work their way up. During this time, they probably would have been able to go out without people recognising them. This may have been something they enjoyed, or they might have wanted other people to recognise them. Either way, this would have been an experience that wouldn’t have lasted forever. Unknown Even so, there is a strong chance that they had no idea what hat happen in the future, and so there would have been no reason for them to appreciate how their life was. If they had a sense that they would be famous, it might have allowed them to appreciate their anonymity. At the same time, this could have been a time when they were focused on their own career; with them doing everything they could to move forward. How people would go on to respond to them would then have been the last thing on their mind. A Gradual Process If they are a singer or an actor, it might have taken them a while to go from one level of fame to another. As a result of this, there may have been a time when they could go out and only a few people might recognise them. Yet, as time has passed, it might not be possible for them to go out when they want to. As if they were to do this, they would end up being mobbed by fans, and there would also be plenty of photographers around to invade their privacy. An Overnight Occurrence Alternatively, if one is a sports start, this could be something that seemed to happen in a very short period of time. Perhaps they were able to experience life in the same way as most people and, before they knew it, this all changed. This could show that they were chosen to play for the main team or they might have played for their country. The amount of exposure that they received through doing this would have catapulted them into the limelight. A Number of Reponses However, regardless of whether this happened over a period of time or not, it doesn’t mean that the responses they received from others were all the same. Naturally, there would have been people were who were indifferent to what was taking place. On the other hand, there would have been people who were right behind them, and wanted them to do well. At the same time, there is a strong chance that there would have been plenty of people who had it in for them. A Boost When it came to the people who wanted them to do well, this may have given them the energy to work even harder. Through knowing that these people were there to support them, it might have made their life a lot easier. There is also the chance that this is something they experience to this day, and this will show how loyal their fans are. The energy they give them could inspire them to keep going. The Opposite Effect But when it came to the people who didn’t behave in this way, it might have been hard for them to handle. They might have ended up having a negative effect on them, and it might have taken them a while to get back on track. And if they behaved in this way in the beginning, there is the chance that their behaviour is no different today. Yet, even if it had an effect on them at the start, it doesn’t mean that this is still the case. Another Outcome Nevertheless, just because someone supported them from the outset, it doesn’t mean that they continued to behave in this way. Instead, they might have ended up changing their opinion of them. As a result of this, they could have gone onto criticise them, and to talk about how they shouldn’t be where they are, amongst other things. It could be hard for one to comprehend why this has taken place. A Deeper Look When someone wants a celebrity to succeed, it can show that they are putting themselves in their shoes and imagining what they are going through. Therefore, one is then having a vicarious experience of being famous. Through identifying with them to this degree, the better they do in their career the better one will feel. The trouble is that even though they will feel better through doing this, their life will probably stay the same. Reality This means that once they have made it, so to speak, and they are no longer trying to succeed, it can cause them to take a step back. They can then see how far they have risen and how different their own life is. It is then not going to be possible for them to relate to what they are going through, and this can then set them up to direct their own frustration onto them. What this comes down to is that their initial response wasn’t about the person who was about to become famous; it was simply a projection of what was taking place within them. The Other Side If one finds that there are people who have gone from being unsupportive to supportive, it could be a sign that they are going through a bad patch. In this case, what one is going through won’t have a negative effect on them, and it could remind them of their own hardship. Their need to look out for them is then an indirect way for them to look out for themselves. What one is going through is going to remind them of what they are going through. Conclusion It could then be said that when it comes to how someone responds to a celebrity, it will all depend on what is going on for them. If they are in a good place, they might not get too caught up in what is going on.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Why Do Some People Feel Emotionally Unstable If They Are Not In A Relationship?4/12/2016
While there are some people who can handle life regardless of whether they are with someone, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, they are going to have a radically different experience when they are not with someone.
Two Experiences When one is able to handle life when they are not in a relationship, it could be said that they are an independent human being. They are able to stand on their own two feet, and they are not going to feel like an extension of someone else. On the other hand, if one can’t handle life if they are not with someone, it could be said that they are a dependent human being. It is not going to be possible for them to stand on their own two feet, and they are going to feel like an extension of someone else. Needs Due to this, it is going to be a challenge for them to get their needs met, and they could have the tendency to ignore their own needs. Instead, their priority could be to do what their partner wants them to do (or what they think they want them to do.). This is not to say that this is something they will think about, as it could just happen naturally. Through doing this, it will allow them to gain their approval, and this is likely to be what feels comfortable. A Compromise One is then putting their own needs to one side and doing what they can to fulfil the needs of their partner. This is likely to cause them to experience inner conflict, and this conflict will create pain. But even this will cause them to suffer and to neglect their own life; it is likely to be something they are willing to put up with. As far as they are concerned, this could be the only option that is available. Part of Life If they don’t overlook their own needs and focus on the needs of their partner, they could believe that they would end up being abandoned. The way for them to make sure that this doesn’t happen will be to do what they want. From the outside, it could seem as though they don’t have needs, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, it will be a way for them to fulfil some their needs in an indirect manner. A Weaker Position What this will then mean is that they are going to end up with people who are able to control them. Either consciously or unconsciously, they will realise that one is unable to stand their ground, and so they will have all the power. If they were to treat them badly, they are not going to have worry about whether one will leave them. And if they were to walk away, it could only be a matter of time before one ends coming back. Another Option Alternatively, they could end up going out and seeing if they can find someone else to be with. Or, if they didn’t want to do this, they could go on an online dating site and find someone there. And out their need to find someone to attach themselves to, it might not matter what they are like. It is then going to be a surprise for them to find someone who is similar to the person they were with, or they could be even worse. A Different Experience However, if they were to end up with someone who treated them better, they might soon lose interest. This could be someone who doesn’t expect one to focus on their needs, and they may go out their way to be there for them. While this could be what they what to experience on one level, at a deeper level, it could feel uncomfortable. And through being with someone who is not controlling, one could feel as though something is missing. Two Parts When one is not with someone, they could find that they end up experiencing a lot of emotional pain. This pain is then going to be what stops them from being able to handle life by themselves. Along with this, they are not going to value themselves, and this is why they put up with relationships that are not very fulfilling. Thus, if they started to settle down emotionally and to change how they feel about themselves, their life would soon change. A Deeper Look In order for one to understand why they are experiencing life in this way, it might be necessary for them to look into what took place during their childhood years. This is likely to be a time when they didn’t get the kind of care that they needed. During these years, they may have experienced abuse and/or neglect, and this would have stopped their brain from developing in the right way. This can then be the reason why they can’t deal with their emotions, amongst other things. Emotional Regulation If they didn’t have these experiences and they were given what they need to develop in the right way, there is a strong chance that their life would be different. What this means is that they are not weak or incapable; it is that their brain is not functioning as it should. When it comes to the people who can handle their emotions, they would probably be in the same position if they had the same experiences when they were younger. Ergo, if one feels less than others, this is not the truth. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it will be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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