In today’s political climate, there appears to be a greater focus on what would be good for people who belong to a particular gender, race, religion or sexual orientation. As a result of this, what would benefit people in general no longer has the same level of importance.
An Obsession It wouldn’t be accurate to say that this is something that relates to people on both sides of the political spectrum, though. This is something that someone is more likely to be on board with if they are on the left. However, as the horseshoe theory points out; the further someone goes on either side of the spectrum, the closer their views will be. When this takes places, what someone on the far-left says might sound different to what someone on the far-right comes out with, but that will be about as far as it will go. In Group Preference One way of looking at the lefts obsession with identity politics would be to say that this is a form of tribalism. There is then no reason for someone from one group to assimilate with the members of another group. Also, by putting everyone into different groups, it makes it a lot harder for people to put their differences aside. In order for this to happen, people need to focus on what they have in common and not on what separates them from others. Two Groups When someone has bought into this way of looking at the world, there will be people who oppress others and then there will be the people who are oppressed by others. This is something that is completely black and white. The biggest oppressors are often said to be white men, and this means that just about everything one else is kept down by these people. White women, on the other hand, are also seen as being oppressed, but they are still seen as having it easier than women who are not white. Taken To the Extreme Consequently, there are a number of people who believe that all the problems in the world would disappear is white men were removed from the planet. Ironically, this approach has a lot in common with how those on the far-right think- especially white supremacists. One side would be happy to eliminate people who don’t look like them, and the other side would be happy to do something very similar. One of the main differences here is that while the far-right is routinely denounced; the far-left is often ignored and given carte blanche to behave however they choose. Faulty Thinking The effects that identity politics have on the people who buy into this way of looking at life can’t be overlooked. While it would be easy to believe that every white man on this planet has it easy or that every black person doesn’t, it doesn’t mean that this has any basis in reality. In fact, if someone has come to this conclusion, there is as strong chance that they haven’t engaged their brain. The psychological term for black and white thinking is splitting and, when this happens, there is no middle ground. Another Angle If someone has the tendency to see life in this way, it can show that they have some kind of personality disorder. Perhaps they grew in a very unstable environment, meaning that they were abused and/or neglected. When this happens, their emotional brain will have take over and this will stop them from being able to use their thinking brain. One is then not going to be able to think rationally; they will be caught up in their own emotions. The Outcome What will make it even harder for them to realise that their beliefs don’t reflect reality is what their mind will block out anything that goes against what they believe. The reason for this is that the mind is constantly looking for that which it believes to be true. It then won’t matter that what they believe is not the truth, as their mind will filter out anything that doesn’t match up with what they believe. With this in mind, it is not hard to see why there are people who actually buy into identity politics. The First Part But before one came to see one group as oppressors and just about every other group as oppressed, there were probably a number of experiences that had a big impact on them. These experiences would then have been seen as the truth and what it is like for anyone who has a certain skin colour or sexual orientation, for instance. It is then very similar to how someone can end up with a phobia, for instance, with one experience defining how they will always respond to a certain object or situation. However, unless this experience is made conscious and acknowledged, it will continue to define their life. The Death of the Individual If one is seen as being part of a group that oppresses others, it is not going to be very empowering but, if they are part of a group that is seen as being oppressed, this can be very empowering. The downside to this is that one is no longer an individual who is responsible for their own life; they are simply an extension of this group and are, therefore, not responsible for their own life. With this in mind, one is going to be more like a depend child than an empowered adult. How well they do in life is then not going to be the result of what they believe and how they behave, among other things; it will be something that is defined by the colour of their skin, their gender, or sexual orientation, for instance. The Big Deception It can then seem as though the people in power, who promote this way of looking at life, are there to empower certain people, but this is nothing more than an illusion. If these people truly wanted to empower people, they would encourage them to take responsibility for their own life. They would also say that, while there may be moments when they are victimised by others, it doesn’t mean that they are victims. And although it might be hard for some people to realise this, not only are there white men who are victimised on a daily basis - they also face discrimination just like everyone else. Conclusion If someone buys into identity politics, they are giving their power away - the power that they have to change their life. In the short-term, it is a lot easier for blame others, the trouble with this is that it won’t allow them to live a fulfilling life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If someone goes along with the status quo, it is unlikely that they will have to worry about saying the wrong thing. Through accepting what they have been told by the mainstream media, politicians, and what they have learned whilst they were in the education system, amongst other things, they will have the ‘right’’ thoughts and ‘right’ way of looking at the world.
The First Part This is then no different to how only certain things can be allowed to grow in a garden and, if anything else grows, it will be pulled out. A gardener will achieve this outcome by only planting certain seeds. In the same way, the people in power will do what they can to define what people say, by doing everything they can to control what goes into their minds. So, what grows in a garden is simply a reflection of what has been planted, and what comes out of someone’s mouth will also be a reflection of what they have absorbed. It Doesn’t Always Work However, while a gardener can put seeds into the ground, it doesn’t mean that weeds won’t grow. And, while the people in power can do everything they can to control what goes into people’s minds, it doesn’t mean that everything will go to plan. There are always going to be people who don’t accept what they are told, meaning that they will come to their own conclusion. What is taking place in their mind will then be different, and this will result in them saying things that are different. Discouraged When this happens, someone won’t just accept what they are told; they will think for themselves. So, in the same way that this person is likely to be using the body that they have been given, they are going to be using the brain, too. It could be said that this is what should be done; after all, what would be the point in having a brain if it isn’t used? Nonetheless, this is the last thing that the people in power want to happen. Self-Policing Still, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that these people have to keep people inline, as the people who think for themselves can be kept inline by the people who don’t. The way that they see the world can be seen as the truth, which will cause them to believe that they are right. Thus, if one has a different outlook and questions the dominate narrative; they can end up being slandered. One can be labelled with a word that has an ‘ist’ at the end of it, or they could be told that they have some kind of phobia. A Big Risk It is then going to be lot easier for someone to keep their views to themselves, that’s if they have views that are different. If they say the wrong thing at the wrong time, they could lose their job, their friends and/or even have a visit from the police. Yet, if one was to keep their head down and to go along to get along, they should be fine. Also, if one’s thoughts and beliefs match up with what is seen as ‘acceptable’ and the ‘truth’, there is going to be no reason for them to worry. No One Is Safe Even so, just because someone says the wrong things at one point in time, it doesn’t mean that they won’t end up saying the wrong thing at another. For example, one could say something one day and it will be fine, but if they were to say the same thing on another day, they could be in for big shock. Therefore, even if one does toe the line, there is no guarantee that they won’t come under attack. When someone does go along with what could be called the ‘loud minority’, they might even see themselves as being ‘brave’ and ‘courageous’. An Analogy This would be similar to someone joining an army of invaders after their tribe has been more or less wiped out and seeing themselves as heroic. Clearly, this was the easiest thing that they could have done. What would have taken real strength would have been for them to stand their ground or for them, along with the remaining members of their tribe, to seek pastures new. And when it comes to the people who make the most noise, these are often the ones who hold positions of power. Weighing Up the Pros and Cons Taking all this into account, one could look into would might happen if they share their views publicly and decide to act as though they are on board with the dominant narrative. What they say in public won’t reflect what they really believe, but it will allow them to live in a society that doesn’t encourage free thought and free speech. This way, they can continue to think for themselves but it won’t have a negative effect on their livelihood. What they lose through doing this is made up by what they gain by playing along. Conclusion When someone goes to school, they are more likely to be taught what to think than how to think. Ergo, once their time in the education system has come to an end, it is unlikely that they will be able to think critically. They will be more likely to bow to authority and to accept what they are told, thereby making them easy to control. Ideally, the education system would give someone want they need to thrive on this planet, instead of moulding them into someone who will unknowingly serve the people in power and keep the status quo alive. Then again, if the education system exists to indoctrinate children and not to educate them, why would they be taught how to think? It wouldn’t make any sense for this to take place.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, it is not uncommon to hear about someone who is outraged about something. But while this is nothing new, there is something that is new, and this relates to the kind of things that people get worked up about.
A Mountain Out of a Mole Hill If someone got worked up about something in the past, it may have been a sign that something bad had actually taken place. These days, it could simply show that someone has come across someone that ‘offends’ them. For example, what another person has said in the real world or online could have been enough to cause this person to self-destruct. Even so, it is unlikely that this person will believe that there is anything wrong with their behaviour. Perfectly Normal They could believe that they are behaving in the right way, and that something needs to be done about what has taken place. One can then come across as though they have absolutely no self-control, but they will feel as though they are right and what they are getting offended about is wrong. This could be something that takes place from time to time, or this could be something that happens more or less every day. And, while this could be something that typically occurs when they are around others, it might be something that is more like to occur when they are online. A Whole Army When one does get worked up about something, it is highly unlikely that they will be the only ones. If someone or something has annoyed them online, they might soon see that there are a number of other people who have reacted in the same way. Through seeing that this is the case, it can be seen as a sign that their view is the only view that matters and that something needs to be done. Whether something is true or not is then going to be seen as something that is defined by the amount of people who believe that it is true, as opposed to whether it is actually true. Emotions over Facts As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for one to take a step back and to reflect on what they believe. Their emotional brain will be in control and their thinking brain will have been put to one side. And if their emotional brain is driving their behaviour, it is then not going to be a surprise for them to behave in a way that is completely irrational. One can look like an adult, but they will be behaving more like a child. The Mob So, with the help of the other people who are also ‘offended’ by something or someone, they can try to do something about what has offended them. It could be that an ad in a paper or page on a website has triggered them. In this case, they might try to stop people from visiting a certain store, or to try to make a company change its website in some way. After a little while, there is a strong chance that that these people these will achieve their desires outcome. The Minority against the Majority It could be said that this shows how much control the social media mob have, then again, it shows how easy it is to influence what a big company does or doesn’t do. A company, out of the fear of looking bad, will often do whatever these people want them to do. But as there are only a small percentage of people who behave in this manner, it can seem strange that such a big company would give in so easily. It is then similar to how one child in a class of twenty can end up getting the attention, and the only reason this will happen is because the child is misbehaving. Rewarding Bad Behaviour So, instead of holding firm and not giving in to people who should probably spend less time looking for ways to be offended online and more time trying to understand why they behave the way they do, they give in to a small minority who can’t control their emotions. If these companies were to do a survey and to find out how many of their customers have a problem with an ad or a page on their website, for instance, they are likely to find that it’s not an issue. The trouble is that the more those companies give into this kind of behaviour, the more empowered/deluded these people become. What this does is make it even harder for these people to reflect on what they are doing and then to change their behaviour. Not Good With that aside, when one has the tendency to be outraged by just about everything, it is going to cause them to experience a lot of unnecessary stress. Getting worked up all the time is not going to be good for their mental, emotional and physical health. However, if they were to to take a step back and to no longer get so worked up, it is unlikely to solve the problems. What they could find is that getting worked up allows them to receive attention and it gives them an emotional release. Stepping Back Therefore, one could end up getting withdrawal symptoms if they were to longer behave in this manner. There is the chance that there was a time in their life when they were violated in some way, and this would have caused them to be outraged. Perhaps this was something that took place when they were younger, a time when they wouldn’t have been able to express how angry they were. Maybe they were abused and/or neglected during this time. Indirect Revenge The trauma that they experienced at this time in their life will still be within them, and this can be why they get so worked up by just about everything in their adult life. This is then a way for them to express what they were not allowed to empress as a child. Their conscious mind may have forgotten about what took place all these years ago, but their unconscious mind will remember exactly what happened. The pain that is within them will need to be made conscious in order for them to change their behaviour. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way that people have different outlooks when it comes to how they perceive different countries, they also have different outlooks when it comes to how they perceive the opposite sex. There will be some people who generally have good things to say about the opposite sex, whilst there will be others who don’t.
Confusion If someone was to speak to a number of people who don’t have good things to say, and to a number of people who do, they might wonder what is going on. These people are going to live on the same planet, but it will be as if they live different planets. One could go even further and ask these people what they think about the people who have a different outlook. This could then be a time when they will find out that some of them are self-aware and some of them are not. One Outlook If they were ask the people who have a positive view of the opposite sex, what they think about the people who don’t, this could be a time when they will be told that these people need to find people who are different. It is then going to be as though they just happen to end up with the wrong ones. In addition to this, they could also be told that these people need to look into why they come into contact with men/women who are like this. When this takes place, it will be clear that these people don’t believe that this area of their life is out of their control. Another Outlook If, on the other hand, they were to ask the people who don’t have a positive view of the opposite sex, what they think about the people who view men/women differently, they could be told that these people are just lucky. The reason they view the opposite sex differently is because they just happen to have different experiences. Along with this, some of these people could dismiss what they hear, and say that all men/women are the same. It will then be as though the only reason someone would have a positive view of the opposite sex is due to the fact that they are being deceived by them. A Different Reality And it will be the experiences that someone has with men/women in their day-to-day life that will play a big part in whether they see the opposite sex in a positive or negative light. One way of looking at this would be to say that one is just an observer of what happens; they don’t play a part in how they experience life. Based on this, if one has positive experiences with the opposite sex, they will be lucky, and, if they don’t, they will be unlucky. One’s outlook is then nothing more than a reflection of the experiences that they have had; nothing more, nothing less. Not a Problem If one generally has positive experiences when it comes to the opposite sex, this is unlikely to be an area of their life that causes them to suffer. This can then allow them to focus on other areas of their life. However, if one generally has negative experiences when it comes to the opposite sex, this could be something that causes them to suffer in one way or another. A lot of their energy could be used on this area of their life, thereby stopping them from being able to use this energy more productively. Two Parts So, if one is just an observer of their reality and their view of the opposite sex is simply a reflection of what they have experienced whilst they were in their company, there is not going to be a lot that they can do to change their life. This is not going to be an issue for someone who generally has positive experiences with the opposite sex, but will be for someone who doesn’t. Another way of looking at this would be to say that when it comes to the experiences that someone has, these are simply a reflection of what is taking place within them. What this would also mean is that they are not simply an observer of their reality. Out of Touch The trouble is that if someone is out of touch with what is taking place within them, it won’t be possible for them to realise this. One will then be able to see what is going on externally, but they won’t be able to see what is going on internally. Yet, if they live an in a society that is focused on what is going on externally and has no interest in what is going on internally, this is to be expected. Their inner world could be seen as something to avoid at all costs. Way Back Now, what is taking place within them is likely to be a reflection of what has taken place externally, but this is not to say that this relates to what has happened in their adult years. The way that they view the opposite sex could be due to what happened when they were very young. This may have been a time when their brain was still developing, meaning that what took place would have defined what they believed about men/women and they wouldn’t have had the ability to question what was going on. The experiences they had with their mother and father, along with others, would have created their inner model of men and women. The Unconscious Mind It then wouldn’t have mattered that these people didn’t represent all men/women on the planet, as these experiences would have laid down how they came to see men/women as an adult. But although their conscious mind would have forgotten about what happened as the years went by, what they came to believe during this time in their life won’t have disappear. How they view the opposite sex and the experiences that they have with them will show them exactly what they believe. And unless one looks into what they believe and does something about these beliefs, there will be no reason for them to experience life differently. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer. Now that one is an adult, they will have the ability to look into what they believe and to question these beliefs. Through doing this, they can change their life and no longer be a victimised by their own beliefs.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: Why Would Someone Only Say Nice Things About Their Parents After They Have Passed on?8/1/2018
There are likely to be a number of people out there who not only have plenty of good things to say about their parents now that they passed on, but who had good things to say about them when they were alive. When something like this takes place, it could be said that someone valued their parents.
A Similar Outlook Their friends and other family members are not likely to be surprised by what they say about their parents now that they are no longer around. These people might be only too aware of the type of connection that one had with them. Now, this is not to say that someone like won’t have ever argued with their parents or fallen out with them, for instance. There is a strong chance that these things happened on more than one occasion. Part of Life It would be hard to find a family that has never argued or fallen out. One could look back on the moments where there was tension and see that it gave them the chance to resolve conflict. This would have been far better than keeping everything within them and portending that everything was fine. There may also have been moments when they didn’t speak to one of their parents for a short while. Another Scenario Then are then going to be others who didn’t really have anything good to say when their parents were alive and, now that they have passed on, the same kinds of things come out of their mouth. When someone can relate to this, they could say that there is no reason for them to be nice now that they are gone. The fact that they are no longer alive is not going to cause them to change their outlook. If they were to change their outlook, they would probably feel as though they are living a lie. A Time to forget One may have been brought up by parents who were abusive, meaning that they wouldn’t have been treated well by the people who were supposed to look after them. After their parents passed on, they may have experienced a sense of relief. The people who treated them so badly would no longer have been able to harm them in any way. If they feel sad after this took place, it might not have been as strong as the other feelings that they experienced. A Different Experience This persons friends will understand why they don’t have anything good to say about their parents, that’s if they have told them about their past. What comes out of one’s mouth is not going to be a surprise. Nevertheless, if someone else was to hear them talk about their parents, they might find it hard to understand how they could be so cold. What this could show is that they were treated well by their parents. No Idea Therefore, even if they have heard about child abuse, it might not have had much of an effect on them. To hear about something like this could have a negative effect on how they feel, which could give them the urge to think about something else. It is then going to be a minor annoyance and not something that they really want to look into. But if they were not treated badly and they are not willing to accept that not everyone is treated well by their parents, it is to be expected that they won’t be able to empathise with someone who was abused as a child. Another Occurrence In addition to these two outcomes, there is something else that can take place. Here, one wouldn’t have got on with their parents when they were alive, but now that they are no longer around, they could act as though they were really close and the best parents anyone could have. When something like this happens, it will be clear that one has gone from one extreme to another. It will be as though one can no longer remember what was going on when their parents were alive. Puzzled Their friends, as well as other family members, could wonder what is going on and how it is not possible for them to face up to what was really going on. Yet, no matter that other people say to them, one might not be willing to change their outlook. It will be similar to one having a car that they don’t like; selling it, and then saying how great it was after it has been sold. One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason they are unable to face reality is because it would be too painful for them to handle. A Defence Mechanism If they were to let go of the false construction that they have created to protect themselves, they might end up being overwhelmed by guilt, shame and fear. Seeing the people who abused them as perfect is then a way for them to keep these feelings at bay. Thus, in order for them to feel good about themselves, they have to do everything they can to stop themselves from facing reality. The guilt, shame and fear that they feel at a deeper level is likely to relate to what happened when they were younger. A Closer Look Their parents may have made out that they deserved to be treated badly, and this would have set them up to feel bad about listening to themselves and standing their ground. What this means, then, is that the guilt, shame and fear that they feel is irrational. Nonetheless, unless one is able to realise that this is the case, they will continue to live in denial. As time passes, the pain that is within them might end up affecting their life in a number of other ways. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When I met Wain in 2015, I thought that our paths had crossed in order for us to make videos together. For a little while before this, I had been looking for someone who made videos.
Not just anyone would do, though, as I was looking for someone who would be able to relate to where I was coming from. So, when I met him, I thought that all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together. On The Path In addition to having all the equipment that was needed to make videos, he was also someone who was into self-development. Yet, this didn’t mean that he felt the need to be happy all the time or to always have positive thoughts. This was someone who wasn’t willing to simply live on the surface of life; he wanted to go deeper. Another way of looking at this would be to say that he wasn’t into this subject just to experience pleasure or to avoid himself. The Theme After we first met, we started to get together every now and then, and I was surprised by how deep he was. He didn’t agree with everything I came out with and he would come out with the reason why this wasn’t the case soon after. It was then not about him disagreeing for the sake of it, he wasn’t argumentative. As a result of this, I often felt uncomfortable and was unsure as to what his intentions were. A Gradual Adjustment The reason for this was that although part of me knew that he wasn’t doing this for the sake of it, another part of me wasn’t fully present. This part of me remembered what it was like when I was criticised as a child. I stayed with it and overtime, this part of me came to see that he had his heart in the right place. Along with the moments when he would question what I came out with, he would often ask me why I wanted to achieve something and what I expected to gain after I had achieved something. Highly Motivated This was a time in my life when I was a human doing; I was completely focused on being a successful writer and writing my way to the top. What was behind all this was that I felt worthless and believed that reaching the top would allow me to feel good about myself. Through feeling so low, it was a challenge for me to just be and to relax; if I did this, I would have got in touch with the feelings and thoughts that I was trying to run away from. Wain, on the other hand, didn’t have this approach, and I think that he was intrigued by my behaviour. Both Ways I found it hard to understand why he didn’t have more drive; especially as he had so much to offer on this subject. At the time, I believed that it was all about doing and taking action, and that being and letting go had no part to play. Through working through my own layers of trauma and changing my outlook, I started to settle down. It became clear that even though I was doing so much, it wasn’t allowing me to achieve more. A Frustrating Time It was then as if I had pressed four on a calculator, pressed the add button, and then pressed four again, but instead of ending up with eight - after I had pressed the equals button - I ended up with two. During this time, then, my masculine aspect was compensating for my undeveloped feminine aspect. Therefore, as I couldn’t let go and trust in the universe to give me what I needed, I was trying to use force to get what I needed, or what I thought I needed. Out of Balance If the universe worked in what could be classed as logical way, all this work would have resulted in me receiving more. However, as the universe is more concerned with how we feel and the vibration we are giving off, it meant that my reality mirrored back how I felt. Ultimately, what it was doing wasn’t all that important; what was important was how I felt in each moment. I came to see that although Wain did want to share his views, he was going to do this at the right time. Lopsided I was so caught up in my mind that I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just take the next step right away. Through buying into what I had read in self-development books over the years and the conversations I had had with others, I had thought that it was all taking action and that there was no need to hold back. I can now see how out of balance this outlook is, and how it doesn’t take into account how there can be a time to do something and a time to hold back. But when the masculine part of us has taken over, our mind, and the feminine part is overlooked, our body, this is to be expected. Final Thoughts There is no doubt that we came into contact with each other at just the right moment, and this was something that seemed to just happen. I thought I was just going to be helping a friend move house and out of nowhere, I meet someone like this. As time has passed, Wain has shared more of this part of himself with the world. If you would like to find out more about, Wain, and the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Is There A Reason Why Some People Always End Up With People Who Cheat On Them?6/1/2018
If one spends a fair amount of time watching TV, there is a strong chance that they have watched programs where people have cheated on their spouse or partner. This is often a common theme when it comes to dramas and soaps, for instance.
At the same time, one may have also have friends or family members who have strayed in the past. They may even find that someone they know is cheating on their partner or that someone in their life is being cheated on. Closer to Home Then again, one might even be with someone who they believe is cheating on them. Due to how their partner is behaving, one might have come to believe that they must be having an affair. They may even have read emails or texts that prove that their partner has another person in their life. To make things worse, one may have had other people tell them the same thing. A Number of Responses Now that one is aware of what is going on, they might look into what would be the best thing to do. Alternatively, one might simply ignore what is going on and pretend that everything is fine. If the latter takes place, it could be said that one will be in denial, and this will then be a way for them to avoid pain. In the short-term, this may appear to solve the problem, but as time passes, it might soon become clear that this approach won’t solve anything. One Direction What one may find is that behaving in this way gradually destroys their wellbeing and self-respect. But as one will be putting up with bad behaviour, it is to be expected that this would have a negative effect on their mental and emotional health. And how can one truly respect themselves if they stay with someone who spends time with another person? To change how they feel, they will need to take action and to no longer tolerate this kind of behaviour. Self-Image When one does something about this, they will be telling themselves that they don’t deserve to be treated in this way. However, when they don’t do anything about this, they will be telling themselves that they deserve to be treated in this way. Their self-esteem will go down and this will make it harder for them to do anything about what is taking place. When it comes to the next step, one could speak to their partner directly or they could go online and look for information. The Main Area What this can show is that there was a breakdown in communication, as their partner is cheating instead of speaking. If their partner felt comfortable talking about what was going on for them, it might have stopped them from behaving in this manner. This may come as a surprise, as one could believe that they do talk about what is going on for each other. So, if their partner is not willing to talk about what is going on and continues to see the same person (or a number of people), it might be in their best interest to end the relationship. A One-Off Should this take place, and one was to walk away, they look back on their life and see that this is the first time that something like this has ever happened. One could then put this down to bad luck and move on with their life. On the other hand, this might not be the case, meaning that one may have been in a number of relationships that were like this. As a result of this, one may believe that this is what will happen no matter who they end up with. One Outlook Taking all this into account, it would be easy to say that this person just happens to end up with people who cheat on them. One is then a victim, and it might be a good idea for them to stay single - that is unless they want someone else to cheat on them. Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is a reason why this keeps happening. Their conscious mind is unlikely to agree with this, and this is why they will need to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level. A Deeper Look What is likely to play a part in why they continue to have these experiences is what they believe and how they feel in their body. If one was to get in touch with how they feel when someone cheats on them, they may start to get in touch with the feelings they are carrying in their body. This may be a time when they feel abandoned, rejected, worthless, betrayed, and angry. One may believe that these feelings just appear when someone cheats on them, but these feelings may have been with them for many, many years. Way Back When they were growing up, this may have been how they were used to feeling around their caregivers. Maybe they were abused and/or neglected during this time, and not only would this have caused them to experience trauma, these experiences would also have had an effect on what they believe about themselves and the world around them. For example, being treated in this way may have caused them to believe that they were worthless and not good enough, that people can’t be trusted, that they will always be let down by others, and that they deserve to be treated badly, amongst other things. What this would then show is that what keeps happening in their adult life is nothing more than a reflection of what happened when they were younger. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of years ago, it must have been around 2013, I came across a term that fascinated me. I can’t remember how I came across this term, but what I do remember is that I was part of a quote by Carl Jung.
I even ended up writing an article about it around the same time. This was the quote that I came across: "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. My Interpretation When someone is neurotic, it is a sign that they have got mental and emotional problems. Therefore, according to Carl Jung, the reason someone would experience life in his way is because they haven’t suffered. However, he uses the work ‘legitimate’ to show that there is two types of suffering. The first type of suffering is ‘legitimate’ and this means that the second type of suffering must be ‘illegitimate’. Black and White Now, it can be normal for someone to believe that all suffering is bad, and this is likely to come down to what they have been told from the moment they were born. Regardless of whether someone is plugged into mainstream society or is into self-development, they could believe that the purpose of life is to ‘feel good’ and to be happy twenty-four hours a day. With this outlook, it is going to stop them from being able to see how they could be something called ‘legitimate’ suffering. Yet, if they have embraced a hedonistic lifestyle, this is not going to be much of a surprise. The First Kind When it comes to ‘legitimate’ suffering, one of the best examples would be what someone goes though after they have lost a loved one. Someone they loved will have passed on and this will cause them to experience grief. In this case, they will have face how they feel and to cry out the pain that is within them, amongst other things. The alternative would be for them to disconnect from how they feel and to carry on as normal. The Second kind In the short-term, this might not have much of an effect on them, but as time passes, this is likely to change. What they could soon find is that they feel depressed or numb, for instance, and this can then make it hard for them to function. At this point, it may become clear as to why they are experiencing life in this way, and this can allow them to work through the pain that is within them. Then again, this might not take place, and they could end up being put on some kind of antidepressants. Part of Life In the western world, this is a common occurrence, and it is clear example of ‘Illegitimate’ suffering. Also, this kind of suffering could last forever; whereas ‘legitimate’ suffering should pass after a while. What this shows is that when we face our pain, it can allow us to heal ourselves, but when we don’t, we can end up with all kinds of mental and emotional problems. Taking this into account, it shows how important it is for society as a whole to change how it looks at suffering and to no longer see it in a negative light. No More Running There are a number of ways that we can avoid ourselves, these include, but are not limited to: taking drugs, having superficial relationships, engaging in casual sex, over exercising, eating too much, and drinking too much. So, if we live in a society that doesn’t encourage ‘legitimate’ suffering, is it really a surprise that so many people are neurotic? And if so many people are running away from their own inner demons, so to speak, it is any wonder that there are so many problems in the external world? A New Outlook In the same way that it is seen as acceptable for people to talk about their physical problems, it needs to be seen as acceptable for them to not only open up about what is going for them, but to work through their own pain, too. A lot has been done recently when it comes to the first part, and this is all well and good, but it is just the first stage. The next stage is for people to live in a society that understands that ‘’legitimate’ suffering is normal, and this is one of the things that need to happen in order for people to be mentally and emotionally healthy. If we just focus on mental and emotional problems and say that this is just part of life, it would be similar to saying that being ill is just part of life and not doing anything about it. Conclusion In the same way that people generally don’t just get ill, they also generally don’t just end up with mental and emotional problems. And as more and more people come to accept this and to work though their own pain, the external world will gradually reflect this inner transformation.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Before I went to Mexico, in the middle of 2014, I ordered a few copies of ‘A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One: A Collection Of Poems And Dialogues From The Heart’. This was a book that I released towards the end of 2013.
The reason for this was that I thought it would be good idea to leave a copy of the book in certain places, and I thought that I might come into contact with people who would appreciate the book. I didn’t end up leaving any copies anywhere, but I did give a few copies away. Tulum While I was there, I visited a historical site, and this was an incredible place. After I had had a look around, I came back down and waited for the bus to arrive, and it was during this time that I just happened to meet a woman who was into self-development. She invited me to join her and her friend, who would be arriving later that day, for a meal that night. This wasn’t out of my way, though, as she just happened to be staying at the same resort as me. An Inspiring Encounter Both of these women were involved in education, and they were from Texas in America. If I remember rightly, I gave at least one of them a book, and I gave a few others away to people. Shortly after I came back, I came into contact with someone who enjoyed reading the kind of dialogues that were in the ‘A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One’ book. As a result of this, I gave them the book to read. A Positive Response It didn’t take them long to read it, and they ended up telling me how much they enjoyed reading the book. One thing they said was that they thought it was amazing how I had the ability to put emotions into words. I was surprised to hear this, and this was because of how this book had come about. When I was writing these dialogues and poems, I was in a hell of a lot of pain. A Low Place I had connected to my heart in order to settle my mind down, and what I had heard during this time was what went into this book. So, when I was writing these dialogues and poems down, I didn’t expect anyone to say that they were amazing. Ultimately, I didn’t write them so that I would receive positive feedback from others – I wrote them to handle the emotional pain that I was in. It didn’t end there, as they said that they wished they could do the same thing. The Unexpected Just after this, they said that not many people can do what I can do, and they then went into how they had thought about how not many people could do what they do. It was then as though this person felt inferior, which was why they had to elevate themselves in this way. I didn’t expect to hear this, and this was due to the fact that the person who said this was extremely intelligent and successful in their career. I felt worthless at the time, and saw this person as having it all together. Final Thoughts I was just someone who was trying to feel better and to achieve something, whereas this was someone who was already recognised as someone who was an expert at what they did. Yet, beyond all this, it was clear that the view I had of myself wasn’t in alignment with the work that I was producing and that this person’s view of themselves also wasn’t in alignment with the life that they were living. I think that this shows that even if someone comes across as being confident and secure, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that just about everyone on this planet judges others from time to time. However, one of the main differences is that some people are more judgmental than others.
The Difference Along with this, not everyone judges others in the same way. What this means is that one person could have the tendency to judge how other people look, while another could focus on how they behave. At the same time, someone could judge just about everything and not limit it to one area of another person’s life. And when someone is extremely judgemental, it can be hard for the people around them to enjoy their company. An Unpleasant Experience They might find it hard to relax or to be themselves, as they will know that it won’t be long until this person finds someone or something to pull down. Yet, even if they were to say something to them, it doesn’t mean that anything would change. What comes out of their mouth could be dismissed and it might even cause them to be judged. It will then be clear that this person is not willing to change their behaviour, and this is likely to show that they believe that they are doing the right thing. Pointing Out the Obvious They could say that they are simply expressing what other people think but don’t talk about. As a result of this, they might not even see themselves as being judgmental; if anything, they may believe that they ability to see clearly. If this is the case, it will be in one’s best interest to limit the amount of time that they spend with someone like this, or to cut their ties all together. Having said all this, if someone is very judgmental, they could also spend time with people who are no different. Common Ground The people in their life are then going to support their behaviour, and this person will support the behaviour of the people around them. What causes them to believe that they are right comes down to the fact that other people have the same outlook. The fact that this doesn’t prove that they are right is irrelevant, and there is going to be no reason for them to take a step back and to reflect on their own behaviour. It would be easy to believe that someone like this only causes other people to suffer and that they feel good about themselves. A Release If one was to listen to what goes on in this persons mind, they are likely to be in for a shock; that is, if they believe that this person feels good about themselves. What they are likely to find is that the suffering they inflict on others is not different to the suffering they inflict on themselves. Putting other people down is then a way for them to elevate themselves and, unless their inner world changes, they are unlikely to change their behaviour. Therefore, if they were to become less judgemental without changing what is going on within them, they would probably feel even worse. One Focus For example, if one was to always talk about how useless or incompetent other people are, this could show that they always feel as though they are not good enough. What they say to others is then no different to what they say to themselves. But what could make this hard to see is that one could act as though they are highly competent. There is also the chance that they are competent, which could show that the negative voice within them has made them work extremely hard. A Human Doing What this can then show is that they believe that their value is based on what they do and not on who they are. Being good at something and achieving things will then be way for them to try to feel as though they have value. However, while this will be how some people define their value, there will be others who define it in other ways. So, this may mean that they believe their value is based on how they look or how much money they have. The Outcome If it relates to how they look, it may mean that they are physically attractive, or it might not. Either way, it can then be normal for one to believe that someone’s value depends on what they look like. One can then see other people as objects, and this can be how they see themselves. It won’t matter that their value, along with everyone else’s value, is based on who they are and not on what they look like. The Truth In all of these cases and numerous others, one can be so caught up in a perspective that it is not possible for them to see that what they believe is not the truth. Their value is inherent; it doesn’t depend on what they look like, how much money they have, how competent they are, or anything else for that matter, and the same applies to the people who they come into contact with. When it comes to how one judges themselves, and how this causes them to judge others, what took place during their early years can play a part. The way in which their caregivers spoke to them may have been internalised. Awareness It is then not going to matter if their caregivers are not longer on this planet, as these people will live inside their own head. These experiences would have caused one to create certain believes about themselves and the world. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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