If a woman was to find that she has the tendency to attract men who are not very masculine and/or if she is tired of trying to make everything happen through force, she may look into what she can do to embrace more of her feminine aspect. Still, having a strong masculine element may have allowed her to achieve a certain level of success.
She may hold a very high position where she works and earn a very good salary, or she could be a student. Either way, she will have got to the point where how she is living her life is no longer cut it. In The Middle It is then not going to be about her replacing her masculine aspect with her feminine aspect, as she will want to become more balanced. Naturally, there are going to be times when she will need this side of her being. Thus, if she was to remove this part of her being, she would solve one challenge only to create another. By embracing the other part of her being, she will become a more integrated human being. Two Parts One way to look at the masculine would be to say that this element relates to the doing, while the feminine element relates to the being. The former is also about giving and the latter is about receiving. There are, of course, many other things that are associated with both of these elements, but these are key parts of each element. A woman like this is then not going to have any trouble getting things done and giving things, yet it will be hard for her to just be and to receive. Letting Go So, instead of trying to control everything and to make everything happen though the power of her will, the woman will need to surrender. This is something that is going to take a fair amount of trust. When she is with a man, she will need to be able to trust that he will look after her and make the right decisions. There will also be the trust that she needs to have towards the universe, to know that she will be taken care of. A Big Difference Now, if she has been out of touch with this side of her nature for a very long time, it is unlikely that her life will change overnight. If she was to rush into this, which would be normal if she was still strongly identified with her masculine element, she might end up experiencing something that pushes her back, so to speak. This could happen if she was to surrender to the wrong man or just went along with something because someone else recommended it. After this takes place, she could still have the desire to change, but it could be harder for her to do so. Inner Guidance With this in mind, it will be essential for her to listen to the guidance that is in her body – her gut instinct. Embracing her feminine aspect will involve listening to the information that is in her body, as opposed to relying on her mind to tell her everything. The mind, being an expression of the masculine, is easy to hear; whereas the body, being an expression of the feminine, is harder to hear. Said another way, the mind screams while the body whispers. Strong Foundations When the woman is in her masculine she may find that she feels invulnerable, yet she may feel vulnerable if she was to embrace her feminine. Embracing this part of her nature is then going to take a certain amount of trust and it will take a certain amount of inner strength. What this shows, then, is that while the feminine aspect can be seen as being weaker than the masculine aspect, it takes a lot of strength for a woman to express this side of her being. If this side of a woman’s being is covered up, it is likely to show that she doesn’t feel safe enough to embrace it. Moving Forward If a woman is aware of how she wants to behave, she can gradually change her behaviour. It will be important for her to take her time and not to force anything; this is not a masculine sprint, it is a feminine walk. At the same time, this approach might not be the answer. The reason for this is that she may be carrying a fair amount of trauma and a lot of this trauma this may need to be resolved before she can truly embrace her feminine aspect. A Closer Look Something may have taken place in adult life and/or during her early years that caused her lose touch with her feminine aspect. If it relates to her early years, she may have experienced some kind of abuse. Due to the trauma that is within her, a big part of her being will believe that it is far too dangerous to her to take her hands of the steering wheel from time to time. Doing so could be seen as something that would end her life. Awareness Simply changing her behaviour is not going to be the answer as this could cause her to be retraumatized. If she starts to work through her inner wounds, she will probably find that her behaviour changes by itself. When it comes to healing her inner wounds, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Although a man may accept that some men are more masculine than others, there is also the chance that this is something that he is not willing to accept. This is something that can define how he responds to men who are not very masculine.
If a man can accept this, he may just see men as individuals, meaning he won’t expect them to behave in a certain way. Their physical appearance is not going to absorb all of their attention, as this will be seen as just one part of them. Beyond The Physical The man could believe that regardless of whether someone is a man or a woman, this doesn’t represent their true essence. In his eyes, the male/female body that someone has could just be seen as something that allows them to experience physical reality. At their core, then, a man or a woman is going to be made up of the same thing as everything else on this planet. Having this outlook will allow him to truly tolerate people who are different. Personal Growth However, this doesn’t mean that he won’t also believe that a man can become more masculine if he so chooses. But while he may believe this, it doesn’t mean that he will go around trying to change men. He may have also come to conclude that there is an attempt by the powers that be to make men more feminine. It will be clear to him that it is not just that some men are more feminine than others; a concerted effort is being made to make men more feminine. Less Resistance If he was to tell someone else about this and they asked him what the point of this is, he could say that this makes it easier to control both men and women. He could then say that undermining men is essential when it comes to exercising control over the populace, due to the fact that men are generally physically stronger than women. This could be seen as one arm of the operation, with another arm being to divide men and women at every turn. If the person he is speaking to is unable to accept what he is saying and denies it all, it could show that they are too closed minded to see what is going on around them. Another Scenario If a man can’t accept that some men are more masculine than others, he may have the tendency to criticise men who come across as feminine. He could behave in this way even if a man just acts in a feminine way from time to time. When a man behaves in this way, he could believe that they need to get it together or say that they are not a real man. As far as he is concerned, there is only going to be one way for a man to behave and, if he doesn’t behave in this way, he will basically be a woman in a man’s body. For Example If he was say something like this to himself and/or to a man, it could be because the man is upset about something. This can be a man who is in touch with all of his emotions as opposed to just anger and frustration, for instance. He will be expressing the vulnerable side of his being, and this could be a sign that someone in his life has passed on or that his relationship has recently come to an end. This kind of behaviour will be seen as a sign of weakness. The Only Way The man could believe that the best way for a man to deal with a break or a loss is to focus on the now and not to get caught up in the emotions. Perhaps he believes that emotions are created by the thoughts that someone has, which is why it is so important for them to have the right thoughts. A man like this might not be religious but he can still try to do what he can to force other men to behave in a certain way. This can then take place by shaming them or it can take place by giving them guidance about how they should behave. Two sides There is undoubtedly a big difference between noticing that a man needs to develop a back bone and putting a man down for behaving in a certain way. In the first instance, an observation is being made and the man is not going to be put down, whereas in the second instance, the man is simply being put down. And if a man was to say that another man needs to develop a backbone, it won’t be due to him not acting like a man, it will be due to him putting up with bad behaviour. Therefore, it is not about trying to make him into someone else; it is about encouraging him to respect himself. A Closer Look If a man does have inclination to criticise men who act feminine from time to time or a lot of the time, he could come across as strong and as though he has it altogether. He can then seem as though he is a masculine man. Even so, the strength that he appears to exude may just be coming from the false-self that he has developed over the years, with this being something that allows him to keep his true feelings at bay. Underneath this false-self could be a wounded child who feels anything but strong and capable. A Painful Reminder When they come across men who act in a feminine way, it can remind them of the wounded part of themselves that their conscious mind has disconnected from. Criticising this part in others will then be way for them to try to make sure that the wounded part within them doesn’t come up to the surface. If the pain that is in their body was to enter their conscious mind, it might cause them to experience a lot of shame. Along with this, they could end up feeling powerless, worthless and helpless, amongst other things. Awareness If a man is out of touch with his body and he wants to become aware of what is going on there, he can pay attention to what he judges in others. This is one of the ways that he can develop self-knowledge. When it comes to dealing with the pain that is in his body, he may find that he needs external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk While someone may have received the kind of care that they needed during their early years in order to develop in the right way; there is also the chance that this didn’t take place. As a result of this, their early years may have been a time in their life when they experienced a hell of a lot of pain. But, even though a number of decades may have passed since they were a small child, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to move on from this stage of their life. What took place is then still going to be having a negative impact on them. Two Experiences Most of the people in one’s life could understand what they are going through, or at least have a rough idea. Having people like this in their life is going to make it a lot easier for them to handle what they are going through. At the same time, one may be surrounded by people who are unable to empathise with what they are going through. These people may find it hard to understand why one can’t just ‘move on’ and put the past behind them. The Reason Being around people like this is not going to make it easier for them to handle what is going on; it will make it even harder. Through being treated this way, one can end up experiencing even more shame than they already do. These people will be telling them, in one way or another, that they are making a big deal out of nothing. One is then not going to be seen as someone who is in a lot of pain; it will be as if they are just looking for attention. A lot of Damage What took place will have had a detrimental effect on their whole being, meaning they won’t just experience negative thoughts and feelings. Their mind and body will have been undermined. Focusing on their thoughts and trying to be positive, for instance, is then not going to be the answer. To make out that one simply needs to get their thoughts under control and then everything will be fine demonstrates a complete lack of insight into what one went through and is now going through. The Foundations were laid If one does put up with people who invalidate what they are going through, it can be because they don’t value themselves. Thanks to how their caregivers treated them, they will have come to believe that they are worthless. Being treated in this way will feel uncomfortable on one level, but at another level, it can be what feels comfortable. Their life doesn’t have to stay this way, though, providing they reach out for the right support and work on themselves. Reaching Out When they think about their caregivers, they could experience a number of ‘negative’ emotions, and it could be even worse when they are around them. Their caregivers might not be willing to acknowledge what took place all those years ago, being happy to make out that one is just making it up. Then again, they could say that it wasn’t as bad as one makes out, playing down what took place all those years ago. What could make things even worse is that their caregivers may still try to undermine them. Searching For Love However, while it will be clear to anyone else that their caregivers are not going to change, one could still look towards them to give them what they didn’t get all those years ago. What this shows is that the needs that were not met all those years ago won’t have disappeared; they are still going to be within them. Their caregivers wont have been able to meet them the first time around, but for some reason, one will believe that they will meet them the second time around. If one was able to detach from what is taking place, they might soon realise that they are wasting their time. Endless Hope What they may also find, by taking a step back, is that there is a big part of them that is unable to accept that their caregivers will never give them what they couldn’t give them all those years ago. Regardless of what took place or how caregivers actually behave, a big part of them won’t be able to face reality. This part of them can fill them with positive feelings if ever their caregivers treat them well or even make out that they will change. To this part of them, a change in behaviour will be seen as a clear sign that they will finally receive what they didn’t get all those years ago. Repetition Compulsion If one was to forget that these people were their caregivers and to see them as just people, they might soon see that they are replaying their childhood all over again. Yet, if one sees them as their caregivers, it will be harder for them to see what is going on. Just as they looked towards two people who were emotionally unavailable as a child, they will be looking towards two people who are emotionally unavailable as an adult. So irrespective of whether this relates to their caregivers or someone who they are in a relationship with, the same thing is taking place. Avoidance If one was to no longer look towards their caregivers, or anyone else, to give them what they didn’t get all those years ago, they would most likely come into contact with a lot of pain. The child part within them doesn’t want to accept the truth. This pain will go back to how they felt when they were abused and/or neglected day after day, year after year. Looking towards people to provide what can’t be provided is then going to be a defence mechanism that their mind uses to keep the pain in their body at bay. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they no longer want to replay the same experiences over and over again, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Through grieving their unmet childhood needs, they will gradually be able to embrace life. This will allow them to actually fulfil their adult needs as opposed to wasting their time trying to get unavailable people to fulfil their unmet childhood needs.
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Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that it is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn’t do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.
Due to the amount of time that one has been with this person for, they may have become strongly attached to them. If they are not a good match this is going to be bad enough, but if the other person is abusive, it is going to be even worse. A Mismatch There would have most likely been the type of person who they had in mind before they got into the relationship and then, there would have been the type of person who they actually ended up with once they did. If they were to compare the idea that they had in their head with the person they are with, it could similar to the difference between night and day. Due to how different this person is, one could wonder how they have ended up in this position. It could be as if they have ordered one meal but ended up being given another meal entirely. A One-Off If this is the first time that this has taken place, it might be easier for them to handle. One could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and that their luck will soon change. So, once they cut their ties with this person, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to find someone who is right for them. It might not be easy for them to end the relationship but it will be something that they need to do. A Pattern Then again, there is the chance that this is not the first time that this has taken place. In fact, this could be a scenario that has played out for as long as they can remember. They will have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Consequently, one could see themselves as being unlucky or they could believe that someone or something is holding them back. No Effect Bearing in mind that there will be what one wants and then there will be what they get, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel as though they have no control over this area of their life. When it comes to other areas of their life, it could be a very different story. For example, one could have a very successful career and they may have a number of close friends. If one was able to detach from what is going on in this area of their life and to think about why this area of their life might this way, it may give them the opportunity to change their life. A Deeper Look Through being curious about why their life is the way it is and looking for answers, they may come to see that there are at least two parts to their being. One part is called their conscious mind and another part is called their unconscious mind. The first part will have a have small impact on their life, while the second part will have a big impact on their life. What may then occur to them is that, for so long, they were not even aware that this part of them existed, let alone aware of what was taking place in this part of them. Turning the Lights On By becoming aware of what is taking place in this part of their being, they might gradually come to see why they are drawn to certain people. These people might only tick a few of the boxes that they have in their conscious mind, but they will most likely tick off all the boxes that are in their unconscious mind. In a way, their conscious mind will be like one person and their unconscious mind will be like another. But even though there are two people, one of these people will have far more control than the other. The Primary Need This other person is not going to be interested in being with someone who will make them happy or who will respect them, for instance; what this person really wants it to replay what took place many, many years ago. In other words, their unconscious mind will want one to be with someone who will allow them to re-experience what took place during their early years. This is not because this part of their being wants to see them suffer; it is because this part of them wants them to heal their wounds and to become whole. By coming into contact with someone who is also wounded in a similar way, it will bring up to the surface the parts of them that they have lost touch with, and thereby allow them to work through their pain. Self-Knowledge Without this understanding in place, it is will be perfectly normal for one to see other people as the problem. History will be repeating itself but one’s conscious mind will be completely unaware of what is going on. Instead of being able to see that is going on and to heal their inner wounds, they will just react to what is taking place. More pain will then be added to their existing pain, as opposed to working through the pain that they have been carrying for so long. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to work through their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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If one sees themselves as someone who has got it altogether, or is just in a good place, it can be hard for them to understand why they would end up with someone who is not in a good way. This person is then not just going to have a different personality to them; they won’t be as well adjusted.
But, while they can now see what this person is like, it doesn’t mean that anything stood out earlier on. When they first met this person, they may have seemed as though they were in a good place. The Big Deception Looking back, one can believe that this person put on an act to deceive them, and that once they got closer to them, they started to reveal their true nature. If they were to come to this conclusion, it would be normal for them to get angry and to even resent their partner. Then again, one may look back on what their partner was like at the beginning and see that the signs were there. Yet, even though the signs were there, they might have just overlooked what they saw. Drawn In The reason for this could have been because they were primarily focused on the parts of this person that were ‘good’. As a result of this, it would have caused them to have a lopsided view of them. This person’s ‘good’ traits will have consumed them, while their ‘bad’ traits will have largely been overlooked. As time passed, then, one would have gradually formed a more balanced view of them. A Different Place Now that they have a clear idea about what the other person is like, they may decide that it’s time for them to cut their ties with them. This will be seen as a way for them to find someone who is in a good place. At the same time, what they may find is that they are strongly attached to this person, meaning that they are unable to just walk away. Staying with them is going to undermine them, but leaving them will be seen as something that is even worse. A Pattern However, regardless of whether one is able to walk away or this is something that is hard for them to do, they may find that this is not the first time they have been with someone like this. Going through this once will be enough, but to have been in this position multiple times will be even worse. If this is the case, one could even believe that this shows that all men/women are the same. Thus, the experiences that they have had will be seen as a clear sign of what men/women are like. External Support If this is what takes place, there may be plenty of people in their life who are happy to support what they believe. These people may have been with people who were the same, which means that one’s experiences will also support what they believe. These people are then going to validate each others beliefs. However, irrespective of how many people support what one believes, it doesn’t mean that what they believe is the truth. Two Levels What one may find, that’s if they were to take a deeper look within themselves, is that the people they attract are reflecting back the parts of themselves that they have lost touch with. On the surface one is going to have it altogether, but deep down, this is not going to be the case. Thanks to the false-self that they have formed, it will have allowed them to come across as strong and capable. If this mask was removed, they would most likely come into contact with a lot of emotional pain. Disconnected Their false-self will be something that their mind has created in order for them to avoid the pain that is in their body. To stop them themselves from being overwhelmed by this pain, they will need to live on the surface of themselves. This will stop them from being able to embrace their true-self, though, as this will be found in their body. Behind the mask that they were is going to be someone who is in a lot of pain, pain that will be expressed by the people they are drawn to. Repetition Compulsion The defences that their mind has created over the years will generally stop this pain from coming up to the surface, but this pain could still be triggered when they are in a relationship or when one comes to an end. Their conscious mind will be out of touch with most of their inner wounds, but another part of them, their unconscious mind, will want to heal these wounds. These wounds are likely to be the result of what took place during their early years, and recreating what took place will be a way for them to become whole. What this illustrates is that one’s conscious mind only plays a small part in who they are drawn to; their unconscious mind plays a far bigger part. Awareness One can only become whole if they are aware of what is taking place and do what they need to do to heal their inner wounds. If they are not aware of what is going on and believe that someone else is the problem, this process is not going to take place. The outcome of this is that one will be caught up by what is going on externally and unable to see that their external world is mirroring back what is going on in their internal world. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to heal their own wounds, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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For a little while now, a lot has said about people who are suffering from depression and now, a lot is also being said about people who are suffering from suicidal feelings. There are even people who have taken their own life.
One then has to wonder if more people are feeling suicidal than ever before, or if this is merely something that is receiving more attention than it did in the past. If it is not a fairly new occurrence, how long has this being going on for behind the scenes? Two Experiences If someone is depressed, and they don’t have suicidal feelings, their life is likely to be hard enough. As a result of what they are going through they might not think about ending their life, but their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling. But if someone has suicidal feelings, they are also likely to have moments when they feel depressed. It is then going to be as if one is not just carrying one weight; they are carrying two weights. Reaching Out After noticing that they often feel the need to end their life, one could talk to the people in their life about it. What one may find is that these people are very understanding and are only too happy to offer their support. While some of them may say that they need to get the right assistance, a few of them may even offer to help them do this. If this is what takes place, it is likely to show that they have good people around them. Another Scenario Conversely, one could be in this position but end up keeping what they are going through to themselves. This could mean that they don’t have any close friends or family, but it might not be this black and white. Either way, one is not going to be in a good way but for some reason they won’t do anything about it. When they are around others, they might be able to cover up what is going on for them and to come across as though everything is fine. A Bizarre Situation It is then not going to matter if they spend a lot of time around others as they won’t reveal their true-self. Based on how they behave, it can seem as though what one is going through is not very painful. If they were hungry or thirsty, for instance, they would likely soon do something about it. However, even though it can seem as though what they are going through is not very painful, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The Gatekeeper Along with feeling suicidal, they could also carry a lot of shame, and this can be what stops them from doing anything about their condition. Revealing what is going on for them can be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned by others. It would then be very similar to what would happen if they were ostracised. What they believe would happen if they were to open up is then going to be seen as being more painful than the pain that they are in. Another Part Underneath the shame that they are carrying is likely to be the belief that they are worthless and are nothing. One is the going to see themselves as being less-than others, which is why they will need to hide what is truly going on for them. Not only will this stop them from reaching out, their view of themselves as a worthless human being can also be what causes them to feel suicidal. In addition to feeling worthless, then, they can hate themselves. An Inner Battle They can have a voice in their head that is only too happy to lay into them and to tell them how worthless they are. One is not going to need anyone else to put them down as they will have a strong inner critic that undermines them at every turn. Their own aggression is then going to be directed towards them, making their own life a misery in the process. Ending their life can then be seen as a way for them to put an end to the pain that they are in. Another Angle Then again, if one has fully identified with this part of them and every part of their being is on board with it, ending their life can be seen as the best option. Their whole being will be seen as being flawed, so they will believe that they don’t deserve to be here. It will be as if they are in an invisible prison and ending their life will be seen as the only way for them to get out. Ultimately, one is going to be in a very low place - so low that it won’t matter what is going on for them externally. Hell on Earth If someone hasn’t ever felt this bad about themselves, it is going to be hard for them to comprehend how bad this person feels. What could make this even harder is if one has a lot of money or a prestigious job, for instance. All these external signs of success are going to be irrelevant; what is going on within them will be all consuming. The fact that so many ‘successful’ people end their life surely shows that it doesn’t matter what kind of life someone has. Awareness The reason why one would feel worthless and has a strong inner critic can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse. At this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to realise that how they were treated didn’t reflect their value and was simply a sign of how wounded their caregiver/s were. The self-hate that their caregiver/s had would then have been passed onto the next generation. If one can relate to this, they need to focus on the fact that they are not less-than human and that they deserve to be here. With the assistance of a therapist or healer, for instance, one will gradually be able to accept this at a deeper level.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.
If he was to look back on his life, he may see what this is something that has been going on for a number of years, or it could have been going on for a few decades. No matter how long it has been going on for, he is most likely going to want this area of his life to change before long. A False Impression When he first met these women, he may have come to believe that he had finally found someone who was ready to have an intimate relationship. It would then have been as if the lights were on green, only for him to find out that this was just a mirage. Consequently, he may have given himself a hard time, finding it hard to comprehend how he was duped all over again. At this point, he could have ended up blaming the woman he was with, seeing her as yet another woman who has wasted his time. In The Beginning If he was to think about what is was like when he first met these women, he could think about how interested they were. Right from the off, they would have shown a lot of interest in him. Along with being happy to spend time with him on a regular basis, they may have been very affectionate, too. One thing that could also stand out is what their sex life was like, with this being something that was very fulfilling. Two Extremes To use an analogy, it would have been as though at one stage they were in the Sahara desert, while at another, they were in the North Pole. Going from one climate to another would have been difficult for them to deal with. It might not have always been this swift, though, as there may have been times when it happened in a more gradual fashion. This might have meant that it took them a little while to notice what was going on. For Example So, the woman may have found time to see them a few times a week and then this started to change as time went by. As time went by and things became more serious, he may have found that she was rarely free. In addition to this, she may have just about lost interest in sex over time. She would then have gone from being warm and available, to being cold and out of reach. A Clear Sign However, what may become clear is that just because a woman comes on strong in the beginning, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is available. In fact, this can be a clear sign that she is not available. If a woman was actually ready to have an intimate relationship, she would most likely take her time to get to know a man. With an open heart, she wouldn’t want to just want let anyone into her life. A Big Difference For her to come on strong straight away and to even be open to having sex just as soon can show that her heart is closed. Getting naked is one thing, but it is another thing altogether for someone to reveal their true-self. Yet, what would have made it hard for him to realise this is if he was caught up in what was taking place. His emotions would then have been all over the place, making it hard for him to think clearly. What’s going on? A man like this could come to believe that this is just what women are like - the downside here is that this is would mean that there is not a lot that he can do. This area of his life is going to be completely out of his hands. What can’t be overlooked here is that he is the person who keeps showing up, which means that he is playing a part in what is going on. If he was to go deep within himself, he may find is that the reason he keeps ending up with women like this is due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable. Two Levels Consciously, then, he will have the desire to find a woman who is unavailable, but unconsciously, he will not want to get too close to a woman. The women he attracts are then going to be mirroring back what is taking place within him at a deeper level. The reason he can’t see this can be due to the defences that he has built up over the years; these defences will keep his feelings at bay. If these defences were removed, he might soon realise why he experiences life in this way. Way Back During his early years, his mother may have ended up getting to close to him, smothering him in the process. This would have caused him to feel violated, yet he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. Emotionally shutting down would have most likely been the only way for him to handle this pain. This would have caused him to lose touch with his emotional self, but this would have been a small price to pay. Awareness Deep within his being, getting emotionally close to a woman will be seen as something that will cause him to lose himself – to be annihilated. His conscious mind will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration by experiencing life in this way, but to his unconscious mind this will be what feels safe. If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, he will be able to work through his inner wounds.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one doesn’t know someone who is going through a tough time emotionally, they may have heard about someone in the media whose inner world is not in a good place. One could even reflect on what they have witnessed over the years and see that this is a common occurrence.
Thus, if they were to engage in black and white thinking, they could come to the conclusion that everyone has inner problems. If they were to use their mind, however, they might conclude that a lot of people are not in a good way right now. Two Experiences Now, while there are the people who open up about what is going on for them, there are others who keep it to themselves. As a result of this, there are bound to be a lot of people who are suffering in silence at this moment in time. So, although a lot of people are clearly not in a good way, what would it be like if the people who are suffering in silence opened up? What is blatantly obvious is that the only way that someone like this can put an end up what they are going through is if they reach out for support. A Way Out If someone is not in a good way and they reach out for support, it will put them on the road to recovery. This could be something that takes a few months or it could take years. Still, it doesn’t matter how long it takes; what matters is that they have taken the first step. Irrespective of what they are going through, there is no need for them to put up with it. Stuck Naturally, it is going to be radically different for someone who doesn’t do anything even though they are not in a good way. When they are around others they may act like everything is fine, creating the impression that they have it altogether. But, when they are in their own company, the mask will fall and they will be left with themselves. The pain that is within them will rise up and when it does, it could be a challenge for them to keep their head above water, so to speak. Ground Hog Day After a while it might soon be time for them to go out again, with this being a time when their mask will return. One is then going to spend time around others but the people who they spend time with wont know what is going on for them. Consequently, one is then going to be no better off than someone who is completely isolated from others. They might have plenty of friends, have a big family, and they could even be famous. It Doesn’t Make Sense If someone like this had a smartphone or a car that didn’t work, for instance, they would most likely do something about it more or less straight away. What has taken place would cause them to experience pain and this pain would give them the urge to take action. Now, when someone’s inner world is not in a good way it is going to have a far bigger effect on their life, but it will be as if it is something that they can simply overlook. Sure, they may be able to disconnect from their inner world for time to time, yet this won’t always be the case. Something Is Not Right One way of looking at this would be to say that it’s as though one is in a car that has stopped working. Just like this car won’t be able to move forward, they won’t be able to do anything about this area of their life. The difference is that while the car won’t work, they will have a body and a mind that will work. There is then going to be nothing stopping them from reaching out for the support that they desperately need. A Deeper Look Or to be more accurate, it can appear as though there is absolutely nothing stopping them from reaching out. From the outside they will look like a whole human being, but from the inside, there is a strong chance that they are anything but whole. Their inner world can be made up of at least two elements: one that is uncomfortable with what is going on and another that is comfortable with it. The part of them that is uncomfortable with it is likely to be the weakest. An Inner Battle Their inner world is then not going to be operating in a harmonious manner; one part of them will be dominating the other. The part of them that is causing the problems can be their inner critic. This part of them will be fuelled by their aggression, and it will do everything it can to keep them down. Ergo, instead of this energy propelling them forward and getting them out of the hole they are in, it will be directed towards them and push them further down the hole they are in. Two Parts Not only will this stop them form reaching out, it will also cause them to suffer internally. This inner critic can tell them that they are useless and worthless, for instance, which can cause them to feel depressed and even suicidal. At one point in time, there may have been someone in their life who treated them like dirt - now, this voice will be within them. Through being undermined by this inner critic and feeling as though they are less-than human, they will feel as though they don’t deserve to be helped. Awareness Deep down, they can believe that if they were to reveal what is going on for them, it would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. Experiencing a lot of inner pain is then going to cause them to suffer, but it won’t be seen as being as bad as what would happen if they were to open up. The truth is that there is nothing inherently wrong with them and there are people out there who won’t cast them aside for opening up. With the assistance of a good therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to accept that there is nothing inherently wrong with them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Many, many years ago, sex was something that people would typically have if they wanted children. Nowadays, it is something that lot of people have if they want to experience pleasure.
In the past, then, it was generally seen as having one purpose and in the present, it is generally seen as having another. Now, while there were people in the past who did have sex for other reasons, there is no denying how different it is today. Separated If it wasn’t for the contraceptive pill, it is highly unlikely that sex would be seen in the same way as it is often seen today. Naturally, this has lowered the risk of a woman getting pregnant, thereby making it possible for her to have sex without needing to worry about what will happen after. Along with this, a man can use a condom to stop his sperm from causing any problems. So, in the same way that someone might have a piece of chocolate to experience pleasure, they can also have sex to achieve the same outcome. It’s Just Sex Unlike most of their ancestors, this could be the only thing they know. Therefore, if they were to hear about how, in the past, people typically had sex to procreate, they may find it amusing. In their eyes, sex could be seen as something that is there to be enjoyed; only having it to create a child is not going make any sense. And, as sex is something that can be extremely enjoyable, why would anyone only want to have it in order to procreate? An Easy Decision If someone has this view when it comes to sex, they may have no trouble sleeping with another person on the first date. This could be seen as a way for them to find out if they are sexually compatible. Sex will be such an important part of their life that they won’t want to be with someone who doesn’t do it for them in the bedroom. In addition to this, they could believe that this will allow them to get to know them better. Nothing to Lose The alternative would be for them to wait a little while, only to find out that they are not sexually compatible. After having been with them for a while, it could be a lot harder for them to move on. One would then have wasted a fair amount of time, time that they would have saved if they got down to business straight away. It would have also taken them a lot longer to find out about things that they might have found out about in a night. The Only Option Taking this into account, someone would be old fashioned or even a prude if they chose to behave differently. It would be in their best interest to ‘liberate’ themselves and to just go for it on the first date. This might go against what they currently stand for, but they will soon realise that it is the right thing to do. When this happens, one will no longer be allowing an outdated inner model to run this area of their life. Back To Reality However, although this might seem like the best approach to take, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. One of the big problems with having sex more or less straight away is that it can cloud one’s judgment. If human beings didn’t have an emotional self and only had a mental and the physical self, it wouldn’t matter. Their emotions wouldn’t be there to effect their judgment, allowing them to think clearly afterwards. Numb If someone can have sex straight away and not be affected by it, it could simply show that they are emotionally shut down. Having sex with someone straight away is not going to affect them, but as if they are out of touch with their emotions, it is unlikely that they would be able to have a real relationship anyway. This could then explain why someone like this would put such a big emphasis on sex; the other part of their being, their heart, is not going to be open. A lot of their energy will be stuck in their genitals as it won’t be able to reach their chest area. Many Elements Sex is undoubtedly an important part of a relationship, yet there are a number of other things that are just as important. It will be vital for one to find out if they actually have anything in common with someone and to find out if their values match up. As there are many parts to their own being, they will need to be with someone who has a being that matches up with these parts. This will be what allows the relationship to last once the early sparks have settled down. The Easy Option Getting naked and having sex with someone may seem like a great way get to know who they really are, but this may be a time when they are still hiding their true self. Ultimately, it is one thing for someone to reveal their body; it is another thing altogether for them to reveal who they actually are. If one thinks that getting naked with someone means that they are getting intimate with them, this is not going to cross their mind. What will also make it harder for them to realise this is if they have come to equate sex with love. Awareness This is then not about whether or not having sex on a first date is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it is about looking at the consequences of behaving in this way. Having sex on a first date could lead to a fulfilling relationship; then again, it could cause one to end up with someone who is not right for them. Their emotions and hormones will be all over the place, making it just about impossible for them have a balanced outlook. Their thinking will be off and their view of the other person will also be off.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of months ago I was speaking to someone who said that it was time for them to put a book together and to have it out before the end of the year. After having put this off for a number of years, this person knew that it was time for them to take action.
When I heard this I just paid attention to where this person was on their journey. It was clear that they have been delaying something that was important to them. Looking Back A little while after this I started to think about what I was like a number of years ago, and how I would encourage a friend to put a book together. To keep the pain that I was in at bay, I had become extremely motivated. Due to how motivated I was, I couldn’t get my head around why my friend didn’t feel the need to release anything. From what they spoke about it was perfectly clear that they had a hell of a lot to share with the world. A New Outlook My friend basically said that it wasn’t time for him to release it and that this would be something that they would do when the time was right. Part of me couldn’t understand what was going on, but another part of me was open to what they had to share. To cut a long story short, this friend ended up teaching me a lot about the importance of letting go and taking inspired action, as opposed to taking action to avoid pain or to receive approval, for instance. Over time, I gradually came to understand what he was talking about. A New Approach Hearing what they had to say, along with working through my own pain, allowed me to see that what they were saying made a lot of sense. This was about me being in tune with myself, not simply taking action for the sake of it. I came to see that just as there was a time to do something; there was also a time to sit back and to wait until the inner call came. Yet, when I was in doing mode, it was a challenge for me to just be and to listen to the guidance that was within me. The Main Point If I was still in doing mode when the person above said about putting a book together, I would have most likely felt the need to do the same thing. I would have believed that my value was defined by what I did, which would have given me the need to constantly prove myself. And, if they had asked me when I was going to release another book, I may have experienced pressure and felt the need to come up with a date. Thanks to the fact that a lot of self-development is all about taking action, it can seem as though not taking action all the time is a bad thing. Final Thoughts What I think this illustrates is how essential it is for someone to listen to themselves and not to just do something for the sake of it or because someone else is doing it. We are all on different paths, and while it might be time for one person to do something, it doesn’t mean that it is time for someone else to do the same thing. When someone has a strong connection to themselves, they will generally know when it is time for them to do something. If someone doesn’t have a strong connection with themselves, it can show that they are carrying a lot of pain. So, one they start to work through this pain, they will gradually develop a better connection with themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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