If one was to go shopping and they were to speak to someone who works in a store, it is highly unlikely that they will expect them to treat them like a close friend would. In fact, they might not know what to expect from them.
This is something that can all depend on how they are treated by the people they spend their time with. When one is treated well by these people, they could expect to be treated with respect by the people who work in these kinds of places. The Other Side Alternatively, if one is used to being treated badly by the people they spend their time with, they might expect the same treatment when they go out. This is then going to be what is normal and it is not going to stand out when other people treat them in the same way. However, even if one is used to being treated well by the people they spend their time with, it doesn’t mean that they will expect the same when they go out. This could be because they live somewhere where the customer service is not always good. The Difference Yet regardless of these different factors, it wouldn’t be right for one to expect the people who work in shops to treat them in the same way that their close friends do. Along with this, they are not going to be able to do the things for them that their close friends would do. These people are there to do a specific job and that’s going to stop them from being able to do certain things. For example, they are not going to have the time to listen to what they have been doing or to go for a drink with them, for instance. From Here There is also going to be a difference when it comes to what one expects from their friends and what they expect from an intimate relationship. On a basic level, there will be needs that their friends meet and there will be needs that their partner meets. When it comes to their physical needs, it is not going to be possible for their friends to meet them. At the same time, there could be other needs that their friends can meet but their partner cant. For Example One could have a hobby that their partner doesn’t enjoy doing and it will then mean that they will need to find other people to do it with. This could have been something that was clear from the first time they met and so there will be no reason for them to get annoyed about it. Their partner could also enjoy doing things that they don’t enjoy and so it could be something that they can both relate to. This could be seen as a part of a relationship and it is not something that can be avoided. Similarities This doesn’t mean that there won’t be a number of things that they can do together, as this is unlikely to be the case. It could be said that through there being differences when it comes to what they like, it will make their relationship more fulfilling. One is also likely to find that although some of their friends enjoy doing everything they do, there are others that have other interests. Each friend they have is then going to play a different part in their life. A Closer Look And while there are going to be times when their friends can be there for them, there are also going to be times when they can’t. Ultimately, they will have their own life to lead and so this is to be expected. During these moments, one will need to find another friend to be there, or they might need to take care of their own needs. This is something that can all depend on what is taking place for them. Intimacy There will also be moments where their partner is unable to be there for them, but if this was the norm it might show that there is a problem. And the love and acceptance that they give them is not going to be unconditional either. The other person is an individual with their own needs and values, and if they were to change or one changed, it could cause the relationship to come to an end. Growth is part of life and this is partly why relationships can’t always last forever. Part of Life These are things that are part of life as an adult, and they are going to be radically different to the kinds of experiences one had whilst they were growing up. During these early years, their caregivers would have generally been there when they needed them, and their love and acceptance would have been unconditional. But as an adult, their relationships are with people who also have their own needs and this is why they can’t be the same. As a child, one’s relationship with their caregivers was one-sided; their caregivers were there to take care of their needs and one didn’t need to give them anything. The Ideal However, while this is how one should have experienced life when they were growing up, it doesn’t mean that it is something they can relate to. This could have been a time where they had to be there for their caregivers. As a result of this, their needs would have generally been overlooked and this will have caused them to be undeveloped. Their adult years can then be a time where they will expect others to give them what they didn’t get during their childhood. An Unconscious Process Now, this is not to say that one reflects on what they didn’t get as a child and then goes about trying to get it as an adult, as this is likely to be something that takes place outside of their awareness. One’s unmet childhood needs will have a big effect on how they behave, and they are not going to realise that it is not possible for other adults to fulfil these needs. This could also mean that one will have the tendency to attract people who are also in the same position, and this means that during the early stages of a relationship, each person will feel as though they have finally found someone who will give them what they didn’t get growing up. But as time passes, the cracks will soon start to appear, and the emotional experience they had when their needs were not met as a child will come back to the surface. Expectations One could emotionally collapse and end up feeling angry, powerless, hopeless and ashamed, or they could disconnect from these feelings and experience rage and blame someone else for not taking care of their needs. The response they have can all depend on how they feel around them. This is something that can take place if one’s friends are not always there for them, or if their partner doesn’t give them unconditional love and acceptance. As long as one continues to have unrealistic expectations, they will continue to suffer unnecessarily. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they might need to work with a therapist. During this time, they will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs, among other things. This will also allow one to develop boundaries, and this will enable them to see where they begin and end and where others begin and end. As when one doesn’t have boundaries, it will be normal for them to see others as an extension of themselves as opposed to individuals with their own life to lead.
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While one could have the tendency to take responsibility for what happens in their life, they could also have the tendency to blame others. Based on this, it could be said that one can either behave like an adult, or they can behave like a child.
When one doesn’t take responsibility, it could mean that they blame both men and women; however, this might not be the case. Instead, one could always point the finger at the opposite sex. Personal Life As a result of this, there is only going to be one sex to blame when their life doesn’t go as they want it to. This can then mean that one will see themselves and the rest of their sex as being in a battle against the opposite sex. Men/women are not their allies, they are there to cause them problems, and one will need to be vigilant at all times. If they were to let their guard down, so to speak, they could believe that men/women will try to have a negative effect on their life. In The World And through having this outlook in their personal life, there is a strong chance that it will have an effect on how their view what takes place in the world. So when they hear about something that is not going right, it can be normal for them to blame men/women. It won’t be necessary for them to find out more and to gain a deeper understanding, as their mind will already be made up. What this will also do is allow them to save a lot of energy, as the wont need to think. Guilty Until Proven Innocent One way of looking at this would be to say that men/women will be seen as being in the wrong, and it won’t matter whether there is any evidence involved. Ultimately, it is their sex that matters here and that will be seen as the only evidence that is required. But even if evidence did appear that went against their prior convictions, it doesn’t mean that it will have effect on their outlook. During this time, one may block out what appears and look for information that validates what they believe. Observing Reality And while one could just pay attention to what is taking place in the media from time to time, it could go even further than this. Thus, one could be in a position where they actively look for situations where their sex is being harmed by the opposite sex. But although they are looking for these situations, it doesn’t mean that one will realise this. As far as they are concerned, they could believe that they are simply ‘observing’ what is taking place in the world. Day To Day Life When it comes to the experiences they have with the opposite sex, they are also like to see themselves as being victims. Therefore, it is not that they are playing a part in what happens; it is that they just happen to have these experiences. Once again, one will see themselves as being nothing more than an ‘observer’ of their reality. There is then the chance that one will have a number of fiends who also have the same outlook on life. Support in Numbers This could be a time where they talk about how bad the opposite sex is and how they are the ones who create all the problems. In fact, they could believe that if they no longer existed the world would be a much better place. Or if they didn’t go this far, they could believe that if their sex were in charge of everything the world would be fine. They could even go one step further and create some kind of movement. A Sense of Control When they are around people who have the same outlook, it will give them a sense of power. And as they don’t feel this way in their day to day life, they are naturally going to want to spend as much time as they can around these kinds of people. During their time together they could talk about how the world needs to change, and that certain laws and quotas should be brought in. This is to be expected, as if they feel powerless at an individual level; they are going to need to gain control over their life through using external means. A Closer Look Now, if one was able to take a step back from how they experience life and to look into how other members of the same sex experience life, they would see that their reality is not the only reality. This can be a time where one will see that there are members of the same sex that have a radically different experience with the opposite sex. They would also realise that there are members of the opposite sex that also perceive them in the same way. In these people’s eyes, it is the opposite sex who is to blame for what is taking place at a personal level and on a larger scale. The Truth This shows that not everyone perceives reality in the same way, but even though this is the case, each person can believe that their experience is how the world is. What this comes down to is that the experiences that one has are largely a reflection of what is taking place within them. Therefore, if one always has problems with the opposite sex and is drawn to information that displays them as being the problem, it will be important for them to take a closer look at what is taking place at a deeper level. What this can show is that one’s younger years were a time when they were taken advantage of by the opposite sex. Childhood This could have been a time where their mother/father didn’t treat them in a loving manner, and during this time one would have been powerless. Along with this, there might not have been another member of the opposite sex around to show them that not all men/women are the same. Or perhaps one didn’t have a mother/father around during this time and their same sex parent blamed their opposite parent for everything. In this case, it would show that their caregiver wasn’t taking responsibility for their own life, and one is then living their caregiver’s reality. Awareness But while what happened was not a reflection of what all men/women were like, it would have been seen as the truth. And unless one is able to take a step back and to work through what happened, their reality will continue to reflect what they believe about the opposite sex. If one does want to take responsibility for what is taking place within them, they might need to work with a therapist.
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If one is in a position where their life is not going as they would like it to go, they could end up looking for a therapist to work with. This could mean that they will go and see their doctor or they may do an internet search, for instance.
At the same time, one might ask a friend or a family member if they have any recommendations. Naturally, this is something that can all depend on what kind of relationship they have with the people around them. The Response And even if one was to ask then, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to assist them with this. In fact, they could end up saying that there is no need for them to do this, and that they can change their life by themselves. Still, if one was to open up to them they might end up being give the support that they desperately need. This will then be a time when one is shown empathy and they could then help them to find the right support. Complex What this comes down to is that although certain problems are given the attention they need in today’s world; there are others that are generally overlooked. As a result of this, it is not uncommon for someone to have and metal and emotional problem, for instance, and to not tell anyone about it. If this wasn’t the case and these kinds of problems were not seen as something to be ashamed of, it would be a lot easier for people to get the support they need. Thus, it can take a lot of courage for one to reach out support when they are suffering in this way. Point Of Focus It then can show that their attention is not placed on how they will look; it is placed on changing their circumstances. Through being this way, it will give them the ability to move forward. Whereas if they were focused on what other people would say, there is the chance that they wouldn’t be able to move forward. Creating the right impression is going to be more important than their own mental and emotional health. The Next Step So after one has reached out for support, they could soon find that there are a number of options available. As a result, it could be said that it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if they ended up feeling overwhelmed. Yet this could also be a time where one finds that something stands out, and they might then be ready to take the next step. One could sense that a technique is right for them and that could be the only thing that matters. A Closer Look However, even if one does sense that something is right for then, it doesn’t mean that they won’t look into what it is all about. When they take this approach, it could be said that their mind and body will be involved in their decision. This could be a time where one will look over how the therapy works, and they might look into the experiences that other people have had. Add while it might be possible for them to work with someone in person; this could be something that takes place over the phone. Description When it comes to the approach that a therapist uses, they could describe what it does and that could be as far as it goes. On the other hand, they could come on a lot stronger and talk about how good it is. Therefore, it is not just going to be described as another technique; it can be seen as the only one that actually works. Or if they don’t go this far, they could say that this is one of the few techniques that will allow them to change their life. Their Experience This could be a sign that the therapist was able to transform their life through using it, and this has then had a big effect on their outlook. Along with this, there is also the chance that they have seen other people respond in the same way. Perhaps the therapist has developed this technique themselves, and this is likely to give them an even greater level of attachment to it. This kind of certainty could cause one to get in touch with them, or it could repel them. Emotional State If one was in a place of desperation, it could cause them to be pulled in by it, and one could then find that they get the results that they are looking for. When one’s life is not going as they would like it to go and it is said that the technique will allow them to transform their life, it is to be expected that one would take the next step. The trouble is that life is not always this straight forward, and this means that one might not get the results that they expect. But if the therapist believes that their technique is the best, one might not get the support that they need. One-Sided Due to the way that the therapist views the technique that they are using, it can stop them from being able to have a balance perspective. One could be told that they need to be patient or that what is taking place in their life is a sign that it is working. This could also make one believe that there must be something wrong with them, and this will cause them even more pain. And if one is in place of desperation, they could overlook the fact that it is not working and believe that it will soon work if they keep going. Critical Thinking What this emphasises is how important it for one to make sure that they don’t lose the ability to think critically when they need support and during the times when they are working with a therapist. The trouble is that this is something that often disappears during moments like this, and this then leaves one wide open. Still, it is also important for one to see that they can learn from what happens and not to believe that they have been wasting their time. Through having these experiences, it will give them better change of finding what will work.
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If one didn’t want to face how they were feeling or what was taking place in their life, there are going to be a number of things that they can do. The reason for this is that there are plenty of options in today’s world when one wants to avoid reality.
It could be said that this is because there is generally a greater focus on avoiding what is taking place than on facing what is taking place. As a result of this, it is to be expected that there will be an imbalance when it comes to what options are available. Normal In fact, when one does avoid what is taking place for them, they might not feel as though they are doing anything out of the ordinary. There is the chance that they have behaved in this way for most of their life, and the people around them may have also have the same approach. Now, this doesn’t mean that one will always behave it this way, as there can still be moments when this is not the case. Along with this, it is not always going to be possible for one to face what is taking place in their life. A Defence Mechanism When one is unable to face something, there mind is going to utilize a defence mechanism. The purpose of this will be to protect them from the pain that they are experiencing in their mind and body. But although one has this ability, it is naturally going to set them up to experience problems if this is something that takes place on a regular basis. It will cause pain to build-up within them and their life could end up getting out of hand. Short-Term Solution This is then similar to how someone can eat chocolate here and there and it might not cause them many problems, but if they had it with every meal this is unlikely to be the case. If one didn’t have the ability to avoid what is taking place in their life, they wouldn’t last for very long. However, just like it will be important for one show restraint when it comes to the amount of chocolate they eat, it will also be necessary for one to make sure they don’t get into a habit of avoiding their life. When this takes place from time to time and as a short-term solution, one’s life is going to be a lot better in the long-term. Inner Strength If one does have the ability to face reality, it can be due to what their early years were like. The reason for this is that when one faces reality, they are going to have to be able to tolerate pain. When one can tolerate pain, it can be a sign that they had a caregiver during their younger years who was there to regulate their emotional experience. Through having this attunement, it would then have allowed them to develop this ability themselves. Passed Down The emotional strength of the caregiver would then have been passed on, and this would have set one to have the strength they need to handle life. Through receiving this kind of care, their life will be a lot easier. Yet even though this is the ideal, it is not something that always takes place, and this is then going to make one’s life a lot harder than it needs to be. This can mean that one had a caregiver who was there from time to time, or they might have been neglected on a regular basis. Reaching Out After having been neglected as a child and experiencing the consequences that have occurred as a result, it could cause them to look for answers. One could get to the point where they are no longer willing to run away. This could mean that one will start to read books on childhood development and/or they might end up having therapy. There may still be moments when they spend a lot of time avoiding themselves, but as this is a process it is to be expected. Another Experience When this doesn’t take place (and there is the chance that it will take place at some point in the future), one could end up reaching out for ways to avoid what is taking place for them. One may have a number of things they use, or they could have a few things that they prefer to engage in. For example, if one was to experience pain or to feel overwhelmed, they might end up drinking, eating or taking drugs. Along with this, one might also use exercise or sex to regulate how they feel. Traditional Ways Another option would be for one to find someone to take their pain away and then as soon as the pain reappears, they could find someone else. If one was to focus on their work, other people might see them as an example to follow as opposed to someone who is avoiding themselves. Alternatively, one could end up getting into self-development, and this will then create the impression that they are facing themselves. Thus, not only can one device others through doing this others; they can also deceive themselves. Two Sides On one side, it could be said that one can use self-development to get in touch with their true-self, and on the other side, it could be said that they can use it to decorate their false-self. When the latter takes place, it is just another way for one to avoid what is taking place within them. But based on what they are doing and the boost that it can give them, it is not always going to be possible for them to realise this. As a result of this, one can see themselves as being better than the people who are simply using other ways to deal with their pain. Self-Development When one uses self-development to avoid themselves, they are likely to be drawn to the things that will make them feel good. This can mean that one will end up using positive thinking and affirmations. A lot of their time and money could be spent on going from one course to another; trying to find the thing that will transform their life forever. This could also be something that takes place through reading books. Awareness After a while, one might no longer try to run away from themselves and this will then allow them to move forward. Having said that, one could simply lose interest in self-development and find another way to avoid themselves. If one does want to work through what they are trying to avoid, it might be necessary for them to see a therapist.
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It has often been said that some people require more attention than others, and this is something that can be seen in all areas of life. For example, one could think about what it was like when they were at school or college, and they might soon see how different people are in this regard.
On the other hand, they could think about what it is like where they work, and it might then be possible for them to see how the same behaviours appear. But without even doing this, one only needs to go for a night out to see that there is a difference. Self-Reflection Along with this, one could also look at how they behave when they are around others, and this could also be a time where they come to see that they need a lot of attention. Alternatively, one may find that they don’t need a lot, or that there are times when they do and times when they don’t. And when it comes to why some people need more than others, it can be due to a number of reasons. On one side, it can be said that it depends on whether one is an extrovert or an introvert, and on the other side; it can also be a reflection of what their childhood was like. Nowadays In the past, one only had the ability to receive attention when they were around other people, and now this has all changed. The only thing they need to do in today’s world is to go online, and this is something they can do no matter where they are. Once they are online, they can go onto one social media site or they can end up going on a number of them. It could be said that the more sites they use the more attention they will receive. A Number of Ways The attention they receive when they are online is generally going to be the result of what they share on their News Feed. When one does share something, it could be an image, a video or status. Through doing this, it is only going to be a matter of time before their ‘friends’ respond to what they have shared. The kind of response they receive can all depend on how many ‘friends’ they have. Part of the Experience Based on this, it won’t matter if one doesn’t have the need to receive a lot of attention, as they are going receive a certain amount through simply using social media. So as it is so easy to receive attention, this is something that could soon change. However, if one has the need to receive a lot of attention from others, they could soon find that they need even more. When this happens, it shows that social media is having an effect on their behaviour. One Option This could then cause one to share things more often and the feedback they get will then encourage them to keep doing the same thing. One may also start to get an understanding of what will receive the most attention from others. They could then share a lot of funny videos, images that show what they have been doing and different quotes, for instance. In this case, it could be said that they won’t be sharing anything that is too personal. Another Option Yet as time passes and one continues to use social media on a regular basis, they could end up going in the opposite direction. This is not to say that they won’t share things that are not too personal, as this is unlikely to be the case. What it is likely to mean is that one will share more of themselves online, and this can relate to things that are extremely personal. The kind of things one shares on their News feed could be what they would have only shared with their friends or family in the past. Outlook In their eyes, social media is going to be seen as somewhere where they can share anything. There is then no reason for them to feel as though they are revealing too much, as what they are doing is normal. Some of the people they are ‘friends’ with will also have the same approach, and this is going to validate their behaviour. There is then no need for one to hold back or to think about whether they are doing the right thing. Exhibitionism If a ‘friend’ was to look over their News Feed, they may find that they talk about their feelings and what has been happening in their relationships. There could also be videos where they talk about their life. While the images that they upload could be of their face, they could also be of their body. When this happens, one will be objectifying their own body in order to receive attention from others. Hooked As a result of how they feel when they receive comments and ‘likes’ from their ’friends’, it can cause them have withdrawal symptoms if they are unable to get online. And if they share something and they don’t get a certain response, this could also cause them to come crashing down. Along with this, they can end up becoming accustomed to the responses they get from others, and this means that they will have the need to receive even more comments and ‘likes’. Thus, for this to take place; one can end up revealing even more about themselves and/or share more pictures of their body in order to achieve the same high. Conclusion One way of looking at this is to say that it is normal for one to need a lot of attention when they are a child and then as they grow older (providing they receive the right care), they will grow out of this need (or channel it into something productive). Social media can then be seen as something that can stop one from having to grow up. It can keep one in a childlike state through not only allowing them to receive constant attention from others, but also through enabling them to experience instant gratification. Therefore, one can regress or stay at their current level of mental and emotional development, or they can show more restraint and it can simply be another part of their life.
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If one was to take their car to a garage, it could be due to a number of reasons. On one hand, it could be due to something minor, and on the other hand, it could be due to something major.
However, regardless of why they have taken their car there, the main thing is that they have taken it. As a result of this, it will be possible for them to get the assistance that they need in order to carry on with their life. Another Area This is then similar to how one can get into self-development because one area of their life isn’t going how they would like it to go, or because every area of their life needs to change. But as they have come to realise this, it will enable them to do something about it, and this can then be a time where they will reach out for support. One may believe that they need to go and see someone, or they might decide to see what they can do to start off with. Nevertheless, the main thing is that they are taking action and are not simply putting up with how their life is. Carrying On The alternative would be for one to suffer in silence and to act as though there is nothing wrong with their life. This can then stop other people from finding out about what is taking place for them, and there may also be moments when one disconnects from what is taking place. At the same time, one could be in a position where they are surrounded by people who are not happy with how their life is and instead of looking for answers, they could come together and blame others. One is then held back by these people and they play a part in holding them back. One First Step The sooner one takes the first step, the sooner their life will start to change, and this will also allow them to build momentum. In the beginning it might be hard for them to get started, but if they keep going it will gradually get easier. And as there is so much help available in today’s world, it might not take long for one to start finding what they need. The first thing one might do is to go onto a search engine and to type in a question. One Place It won’t matter what it is that they want to work on, as they will receive the answers they are looking for as long as they ask the right question. But even if this doesn’t take place, they could still find what they are looking for. This could be a time where one will read an article, or they could end up watching a video. One has then got the ball moving, so to speak, and this will give them the opportunity to see what route they need to take. A Common Area When one’s life is not going as they would like it to go, it could be because they are not as confident as they would like to be. In this case, one could end up looking for ways to increase their self-esteem. Or if this is a term that one is not aware of, it might not be long until they start to understand what it is all about. This primarily comes down to the fact that when one doesn’t feel comfortable with themselves or when they put up with dysfunctional relationships, for instance, it is often said that they lack self-esteem. Self-Esteem Therefore, this is something that will need to change if one wants to change their life. The work that they need to put in to do this will then be worth it, and there will be a number of ways for one to do this. One may be told that they can increase their self-esteem through thinking differently; and this can be a time where one will need to make sure they have positive thoughts. Along with this, they can use affirmations; and one can use these throughout the day or a few times a day. Transformation After a while, one may start to notice that they begin to feel different, and that their behaviour has also changed. It will then have been possible for them to change their life through adding things as opposed to taking anything away. The whole approach would have been relatively pain free and this could be seen as the ideal scenario. Still, while one may have gone from having low self-esteem to having high self-esteem, there is also the chance that they have gone from one extreme to another. The Opposite At the start one may have felt as though they were less-than others and as time has passed, they can end up feeling more-than others. Through adding positive thoughts and affirmations, it simply allowed them to cover up what was taking place at a deeper level. One way of looking at it would be to say that they have gone from feeling shameful to feeling shameless. But unless one works through how they feel at a deeper level, it is not going to be possible for them to have a healthy sense of their own value. Pain When this takes place, one is likely to experience a lot of pain, and this is why this is a process that is often overlooked. It is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and so the last thing that one can want to do is to face themselves. What these techniques and methods do is create the illusion that one can change themselves without having to experience pain. It is then not that one is getting in touch with their true-self through using them; it is that they are simply decorating their false-self. Awareness If one wants to develop a healthy sense of their own value, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist. During this time, one can be processing emotional pain that is trapped in their body, amongst other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When some people use social media, it is a way for them to stay in contact with their friends and family. Some of the people they know could live down the road or a few hundred miles away, and others could live in another country, for instance.
This is not to say that they won’t share things as well, as there could be moments where they upload images and shares videos, among other things. As a result of this, it could mean that one hasn’t got many ‘friends’. Real Friendships What this comes down to is that one is not going to simply add anyone and they are not going to accept friend requests from people they don’t know. Through having this approach, it is to be expected that they won’t have thousands of friends; in fact, they might not even have hundreds. But regardless of how many people they do have on their list, there is a strong chance that they will know them all. Now, there could be a number of people they haven’t seen for a while, but that could be as far as it goes. Another Option As one has this approach when it comes to social media, it could mean that it is just another way for them to stay in touch with people. It is then not seen as something that will replace real interactions with others. And if they do have friends or family who are in another country, it will be a great way for them to stay in contact. This will show that one has a balanced approach and there is going to be no reason for them to become addicted to it. Life If one behaves in this way, it could be a sign that the rest of their life is going how they want it to, or that it is fulfilling. There is then no need for them to look towards social media to add meaning to their life. The relationships they have offline could be a part of this, and this will make a big difference to how they feel. Yet this doesn’t mean that one needs to have a lot of people around them in order for this to be so, as this won’t be necessary. Another Experience However, although this is how a lot of people use social media, there are going to plenty of people who don’t use it in this way. This can then mean that one will use it as a way to change how they feel and to change how they see themselves. Now, one can still use it to connect with the people they know, but this won’t be their primary concern. And when it comes to social media, it is not going to be difficult for one to change how they feel through using it. Emotional Regulation This is something that can take place through one sharing something on their wall or uploading an image, for instance. And through receiving ‘likes’ and comments, it is highly likely that one’s emotional state will soon change. The feedback that they receive can also have a positive effect on their self-image, and this is because one can take the feedback personally. It is then not that their ‘friends’ value what they have shared; it is that they value them as a person. More ‘Friends’ If one only had their family and the people they actually knew on their friends list, they would only be able to receive a certain amount of comments and ’likes’. However, if they were to accept anyone or to add anyone, this wouldn’t be the case. Thus, it will be important for them to add as many people as they can and it won’t matter who they are. Ultimately, one is not looking to meet these people in the real world; they only want them to respond to what they share. Objectification One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be using others in order to change how they feel. The value these people have to them rests on their ability to give them ‘likes’ and comments. Along with this, each of these people will allow them to have a certain amount of friends, and this will make them look popular. One is then not going to see them as human beings that have their own feelings and needs; they are simply there to fulfil their needs. A Two Way Process Yet while one will be objectifying other people; this can also be a time where they will also be objectifying themselves. This can take place through them uploading images of their body or their face, for instance. Their body will then be seen as something that they can use to receive positive responses. This can then set one up to believe that their value depends on how other people respond to them. Up And Down When one receives the responses that they want from others, there life could end up being fine; but when this doesn’t happen, they could soon hit rock bottom. The trouble with being this way is that it will be a challenge for one to define how they feel. They will be giving their power away to other people, and it will be a challenge for them to grow older. This is because their appearance will change and as they don’t value themselves, they will have nothing to fall back on. Conclusion What this shows is how important it is for one to value themselves, as this will make their life a lot more fulfilling. In order for this to take place, it might be necessary for one to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone was to come across two people who want to be in a relationship, it would be easy for them to assume that they are both in the same position. On one level, it could be said that this is the case; however, if they were to look a little deeper, they might find that there is more to it.
For example, the first person might not be happy with how their life is, and through meeting someone they may hope that this will change. The second person could be happy with how their life is and as a result of this; they are now ready to find someone to share their life with. A Different Experience What this will show is that one person is trying to run away from their life and another person isn’t. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one of them is looking to receive and another is looking to give. When one is not happy with how their life is, they are going to want someone to make them happy. Yet when one is happy with their life, they are not looking for someone else to change how they feel. Out of Balance If one is looking to share their life with another person, it doesn’t mean that they are not looking to receive; what it does mean is that not the only reason they want to be with someone. But when one wants to leave their own life behind, they can be in a position where they haven’t got a lot to give. They can be focused on what another person will do for them, and this is going to show that they are out of balance. So even though they want a relationship, it might be better for them to take a step back. The Next Step Through doing this, it will allow them to change their life, and while this won’t happen overnight, it will give them the chance to have a fulfilling relationship. This could be seen as the ideal, but there is probably a greater chance of them doing the opposite. It may only be a matter of time before they find someone to spend time with, and in the beginning everything could be fine. But as they are running away from themselves, there is a strong chance that their life soon revert to how it was before. Responsibility When this happens, one could end up blaming the person they are with for how they life is, and this will be another way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their own life. If the other puts up with their behaviour, they will be playing a part in what is taking place. As if they were to stand their ground and to encourage one to look at their own behaviour, they wouldn’t be taking responsibility for their behaviour. This would then give one the chance to grow and develop. Wash, Rinse, Repeat Alternatively, once one starts to experience pain in their relationship they could end up walking away. After a few weeks or months have passed, they may have found someone else to be with. And while there is the chance that it will be different this time, there is a greater chance that it won’t. This is similar to how one can keep putting batteries in the wrong way in a torch with the hope that it will suddenly work. A Common Occurrence If one was to tell someone about what is taking place in their life, they might be able to relate to it. This could be because they are (or have been) in the same position, or they might know a number of people who live their life in the same way. Based on this, it would be easy to say that when someone wants to avoid themselves they end up in a relationship. Yet what this overlooks is the fact that one can also do the opposite in order to avoid themselves. Hidden When this takes place, one can end up coming across as though they are ‘independent’, and this can be taken as a sign that they don’t need anyone. Due to this, one can be seen as someone who has it all together as opposed to someone who is trying to run away from their own life. Along with this, could also look down on people who are always in relationships and see themselves as someone who doesn’t need anyone. What this emphasises is how needing others is often seen as a ‘bad’ thing; whereas as trying to do everything without help is often seen as a ‘good’ thing. Avoidance So when one avoids being in a relationship, it will stop the pain that is within them from being triggered. This could also show that they are generally out of touch with how they feel and their needs; whereas when one avoids how they feel through having a relationship, they may have a stronger connection with their emotions and needs. And through being out of touch with how they feel and their needs, it can also mean that they are generally be out of touch with their need to experience intimacy. Through being this way, they won’t feel the need to be with anyone. Needs There may have been a time in their life where they were conditioned to believe that there was something wrong with their needs, and this then caused them to disconnect from themselves. The pain that they experienced during this time may have stayed within them, and if they were to let someone in, they could end up being overwhelmed. Awareness This could relate to what took place during their childhood years, and although time has passed, it is still defining their life. To change this one may need to work through this pain and change how they view their own needs. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one is harmed in some way by another person, it has been said that they can hold onto how they feel or they can forgive them. If one holds onto how they feel, it could be said they will continue to suffer.
Not only will they have gone through a tough time as a result of the other person’s behaviour; they will also allow the experience to continue through how they feel. Whereas if one forgives the other person, it will allow them to move on from what happened and they won’t need to allow the experience to continue within them. One Way Based on this, it would be easy to say that the best option will be for one to forgive the other person, as this will allow them to move on with their life. If they hold onto what happened, they are going to be stuck in the past. Through taking this approach, it could be said that one will be giving their power away, and this is naturally going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. Thus, the sooner one forgives, the better their life will be. A Technique One way of looking at this would be to say that one simply needs to forgive the other person and then they will be able to carry on with their life. How they feel at an emotional level is then not important, as it is what takes place in their mind that matters. It could even be said that one can be controlled by their emotions or they can take a more conscious approach. If one does this, one won’t allow their emotions to define how they feel, and it could then be said that one has self-control. The Right Thing Along with this, one can come to believe that they are doing the right thing, and other people could also say the same thing. Other people could say that they are rising above what has taken place, so to speak. Therefore, if one was to hold onto what happened, they could feel as though they are doing the wrong thing and this outlook may be backed up by the people around them. In fact, it would be easy for one to act as though they have moved on in order to create the right impression. Today’s World It can be normal for one to ignore how they feel and to focus on forgiving another person, and this is partly down to how emotions are generally viewed. They are often see as being the result of what is taking place in one’s mind and as a result, the way to deal with them is to think differently. The way for one to change how they feel will be for them to focus on their mind and when it comes to forgiveness, it will be for them to change how they think about what has taken place. Through doing this, they will no longer feel the same and they can put what happened behind them. Denial Now, there is the chance that one will be able to experience forgiveness through focusing on their mind; they can then move on from what took place and carry on with their life. This could be a time where they will stay in contact with the other person or they might decide to cut their ties. However, this could also be a time where one disconnects from how they feel and simply acts as though they have forgiven someone. On one hand, this will be a way for them to avoid pain, and on the other hand, it will allow them to look good in the eyes of others. Two Parts What this comes down to is that this is not just about what is taking place at a mental level; it is also about what is taking place at an emotional level. And while one can change their outlook through thinking differently, it doesn’t mean that they can change how feel by using the same approach. At times, it will be necessary for one to face how they feel in order for them to change how they feel. During this time, one will need to work through how they feel and this is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight. A Process So instead of forcing themselves to forgive someone, one is taking the time to process what is taking place within them. In this sense, one is surrendering to how they feel, and this can be seen as the healthy approach to take. Ultimately, it is what is taking place within them that will define how they experience life and not whether they forgive someone. For example, one could overlook how they feel and forgive someone, and the pain within them could still cause them to suffer. The Priority At the same time, one could work through how they feel and decide that they don’t want to forgive someone, and they could end up being in a better position. One is then not doing what they can do avoid how they feel or to look right, they are focused on their own needs. Responsibility They might also believe that the other person has to earn their forgiveness, and it could be said that there will be times when this will be the best option. As if one was to simply forgive someone, it could cause the other person to see them as a soft touch. And instead of realising what they have done wrong and how they need to change their behaviour, they could end up doing the same thing all over again. This could be seen as something that one would do if they had good boundaries. Awareness What this shows is that this is not something that is black and white, and how it will be important for one to listen to themselves. If one finds that they are overwhelmed by how they feel, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one starts a new relationship, it doesn’t mean they will end up with someone who is available. Instead, one may find that the person they are with is physically there but that could be as far as it goes.
As a result of this, it won’t be possible for them to connect with them at a deeper level, and this is likely to mean that it is not going to be a very fulfilling experience. However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will pay attention to what is taking place. To One Side During the early stages of their time together, one could overlook what is taking place; this could be because they believe the other person will soon change. It will then be important for them to be patient and then before they know it, the other person will be their ideal partner. But if they don’t believe that they will change as time passes, one could end up trying to use force. At times, this could be something that one is aware of, and at other times, it could take place without them realising it. A Facade Having said this, there is also the chance that one was so caught up in how the other person behaved at the start that they didn’t even think about if they were available. One may have simply enjoyed being around the other person and this then took their attention away from everything else. Perhaps the other person acted as though they were available in the beginning and this then made one think that they had found the right person to share their life with. The other person may have behaved in this way without realising what kind of impression this was creating, or they may have done this in order to pull one in. Two Options If one can relate to the former, it could mean that they will end up blaming themselves for staying with someone who wasn’t right for them. Right from the beginning, one knew that they were not a good match. Yet if one can relate to the latter, they might end up pointing the finger at the other person, and this is because their behaviour has changed. It can then be seen as something that was out of their control. Progress When it comes to moving forward, it is be important for one to take responsibility for what is taking place in their life. Blaming someone might allow them to feel better in the short-term, but it is not going to allow them to change their circumstances. As regardless of how someone behaved when they first, they were still drawn to them to begin with. Although this while process may have seemed random, it was not something that just happened. Resistance It might be hard for one to accept this, especially if they were unable to think clearly during the early stages. Through being caught up in what took place, it may have felt as though the whole thing was meant to happen. At the same time, one could say that the other person was interested in them and that they just went along with it. But even if this did take place, one still had to be interested in order for them to develop a relationship. A Pattern One may find that this is not the first time they have met someone who is unavailable, and it could then be something they have experienced on a number of occasions. This could be how their life has always been, and this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pain. And as their life has been this way for so long, they may have come to the conclusion that this is how it will always be. One may see themselves as being unlucky, or they might believe that other people have something they don’t have. A Deeper Look This could be a sign that one fears intimacy at a deeper level and until this changes, they may continue to end up with people who are the same. On one level, being with someone who is not available will be frustrating, but at another level, it will be what feels comfortable. But unless one is able to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim. The reason they have this fear could be due to what took place when they were younger. A New Experience If, on the other hand, this is the first time that this has taken place it would be inaccurate to say that they fear intimacy. What could be said that is the reason why they are having this experience is because they are still attached to the person they were with before. And through being this way, it is not possible for them to let someone new into their life. Therefore, the reason why the other person isn’t available is because they are not available. The End When their last relationship came to an end, they may looked for someone else to take their pain away, or they may have disconnected from how they were feeling. Either way, this would have stopped them from being in a position where they were able to have a relationship with another person. Ultimately, they would have been looking for a distraction and it is then to be expected that they would attract someone who is unable to share their life with another person. Once they have come to see why their life is this way, it will give them the chance to do something about it. Awareness This may mean that one needs to work through their own pain and then to find someone who is right for them, or they could go through this process with their partner and they might be able to stay together. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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