Ever since it became clear that the United Kingdom would withdraw from the European Union, a lot of people have said that not everyone should be able to vote. Unsurprisingly, this is a viewpoint that appears to be primarily held by the people who wanted the United Kingdom to stay in the European Union.
In their eyes, this was the wrong outcome, and, if the people who voted Leave were as informed as them, they would have made a different decision. So, unlike the people who voted Leave, they were the ones who actually knew what was best. A Superior Position It has been said that a lot of people who voted to remain had been to university, adding more weight to the view that these people knew what was best. This is, of course, based on the assumption that everyone who goes to university is highly intelligent, and that this is an environment where people learn how to think, not what to think. With that aside, if the people who voted Leave were as well informed as the people who voted Remain, it would have resulted in a different outcome. Naturally, this has meant that some people from other side have called this side arrogant and even deluded, amongst other things. The Right Information Some of the people who voted Remain will believe that if the law was changed so that only certain people were able to vote, better decisions would be made in the future. The people who are allowed to vote will then be like parents, whilst the people who can’t will be like children. Therefore, it won’t matter if these people are completely uniformed as they won’t be able to play a part in what happens in the country they live in. They will be able to make small decisions, such as what to wear each day and what to eat, while those in the know make the big decisions. Resistance If someone who voted Leave was to hear this, they might find it hard to understand how anyone could have this view. They could believe that they have the same right as anyone else to vote. Along with this, they may believe that it shouldn’t matter whether or not they have been to university. They may come to the conclusion that if someone believes that only some people should vote it shows how deluded they are, as opposed to how intelligent they are. The Power of Information What is clear is that in order for someone to make good decisions, it will be vital for them to have the right information at their finger tips. For example, if someone had the need to get somewhere at a certain time for an appointment, they would need to look into how to make this happen. Without the right information, they might end up arriving late or end up somewhere else entirely. Based on this, if someone doesn’t have the right information, it is going to be a lot harder for them to vote for the right option. Another Element Still, having access to information is one thing; it is another thing altogether to be able to take it in and to decide what the best course of action is. And, although it is widely believed that every human being is equal in every way, this doesn’t change the fact that this has no basis in reality. In the same way that someone won’t be able to fly just because they believe they can; believing that everyone is equal won’t make it so. The only thing it will do is cause someone to get caught up in an idea and to lose touch with reality. A Sensible Decision Taking this into account, it can seem as though it would be a good idea if only certain people had the ability to vote. The power to decide what does and doesn’t happen would then be in the hands of the people who had the ability to see the big picture and to look out for their fellow citizens. This is then no tantamount to how someone usually looks towards their doctor or dentist, for instance, to do what is right for their health. They won’t have the same understanding as them, so it will be the sensible thing to do. A Big problem Yet, regardless of whether everyone has the ability to vote or a few people are able to, it is going to be a lot harder for them to make the right decision if certain information is kept from them. Said another way, if the establishment are able to control the information that people are exposed to, they are not going to have the ability to make an informed decision. When this happens, the mainstream media, corporations, the education system, and different social media sites, for instance, will define what people believe. This way, someone will have the ability to vote, but, it won’t really matter. One Big Illusion Having the ability to vole will allow someone to believe that they have power, thereby stopping them from doing anything that would truly make a difference. Controlling what information people are exposed to is one way to control what they believe; another way is to have two main political parties that are simply two sides of the same coin. It is vital that people believe that they are being given information that is unbiased and that both parties are not connected. And, due to the amount of power that these different organisations have, it is extremely easy for them to maintain their power structure. Conclusion If someone’s mind has been lobotomised due to the amount of propaganda that they have absorbed over the years, it is going to be a challenge for them to vote for the right thing. Nevertheless, they can still believe that they are clued up about what is going on, even though practically everything they know could be the result of what the system wants them to know. And, as more people are going to university than ever before, there are plenty of people who believe that they are in the know. Someone like this can then be so caught up in their own ego that it stops them from being able to realise that they don’t know everything.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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I remember reading ‘The Power of Others’ whilst I was in London towards the end of 2014, and there were a few things that I made a note of. In the chapter that I was reading at this time, the author touched upon how it is easier for someone to be curious when they are not caught up in trying to make ends meet and he spoke about something that Mark Beaumont had said.
This is someone who is a record breaking long-distance British cyclist, and the quote that is mentioned in this book must have been something that mark came about with when he was talking about this area of his life. Mark said, “You don’t have the luxury of giving up”, and this was something I resonated with. No Choice Mark could have been talking about how, when he was cycling, he just had to keep going. Throwing in the towel and just stopping wasn’t something that he could do, for whatever reason. When I had heard this quote I was working through my own pain, and I giving up wasn’t an option that was on the table, so to speak. If I had taken my foot of the gas and just accepted how I felt, I wouldn’t have had a very fulfilling existence. Up Or Down If I wasn’t in such pain, I might have been able to simply tolerate what was going on and to carry on with my life. But, as I was in a very bad place emotionally, I couldn’t just put this part of me to one side and carry on as normal. Now, I could have given up; it wasn’t as if someone was holding a gun to my head. However, a big part of me was aware of how far I had come, and, no matter how I felt, I had to keep going until I was able to transform myself. A Common Theme It is clear that it is due to this way of responding to difficult circumstances that certain people have been able to go from the bottom to the very top. Instead of allowing the pain they were in to define their life, they channelled it into making their life worth living. When people hear about how someone like this is living their life, it can seem as though they got lucky, or that they had a good start to life. What they won’t be aware of is how someone like this will have used the pain of being at one end of the spectrum to propel them towards to other the end of it. Final Thoughts Taking this into account, it is easy to see how having a life that ‘isn’t too bad’ is not ideal if someone wants to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. And, this is also going to be the case if one area of their life is this way. Other areas of their life might be going very well, but this area might not be too bad, thereby taking away their desire to do anything about it. What this shows is how important pain is when it comes to living a life that is worth living.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of years ago I read a few books by David Richo, and this is someone who really knows what he is talking about. Whether it is relationships or self-development in general, his books are packed full of insights.
When I read two of his books towards the end of 2013, I had recently gone through a painful break up. I was looking for answers and I came across plenty of things to think about – and apply - by reading these books. A Few Quotes This was a time when I read, ‘How To Be An Adult’, and, ‘How To Be An Adult In Relationships’. There were two things that he said that really stood out, so I saved them as two quotes on my phone. The first was, “the commitment to work through problems as they arise is the only sign that we truly want full intimacy”, and the second one was, “what was cute in romance may become acute in conflict.” I think that while it is clear what the first one means, the second one is not as clear. A Closer Look When I think about this quote it makes me think about how a certain trait can be appealing at the beginning of a relationship, only to end up being a problem as time goes by. At the beginning it will be perceived in one way, and, as time goes by, it will be perceived in another. Being high on oxytocin - along with focusing on other traits - can play a part in why something is not perceived as a problem early on. Each person can be caught up in how they feel and the idealised image they have created of the other, thereby making it difficult for them to think and to see the other person clearly. This Will Pass Once they start to settle down emotionally and are able to think and to see more clearly, their view of the other person is going to change. They will no longer be floating in the clouds; their feet will be back on the earth. One person can come to believe that the other person has changed, even though they might be doing the very things that they did when they first got together. Taking all this into account, It is not hard to see why being in ‘love’ is seen as being tantamount to being high on drugs. A Few Examples So, when someone starts dating another person, they may appreciate how this person makes the big decisions, allowing them to sit back, so to speak. Or, they might admire how outgoing they are, and how they can easily start conversations with others. However, as time goes by being around someone who makes the decisions can result in them feeling trapped and as though they are unable to express themselves. And being with someone who is so outgoing can result in them feeling ignored, jealous, and they may fear that their partner will cheat. Final Thoughts When something like this happens, it will be a good idea for one to step back and to see what is taking place. If they can do this is it will allow them to take responsibility for their own baggage and this will minimize the amount of conflict that arises. A lot of the issues with have in our present day relationships go back to what took place during our early years. This is something that David Richo talks about in his book, ‘When The Past Is Present.’
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
At the beginning of the year I spoke about a time in my life when I was speaking to Vijay Rana, an integral therapist, about projection. This article was titled,’ “There Is A Reason Why We Project Our Issues Onto Others!”
In this article I said that we also spoke about repetition compulsion but that I would go into that at another time. So, without further ado, I going to talk about the conversation that I had in 2015/16 with Vijay around this topic. Trapped I was talking about an area of my life where I kept experiencing the same outcome over and over again. This was something that was incredibly frustrating, and I ended up feeling powerless and helpless. It was as though I had no control over what was taking place, which made me feel like a victim. However, while this was taking place within me, another part of me could see that there was a reason why I kept experiencing the same outcome. It Wasn’t Random I knew that what was taking place was due to the defence mechanism known as - repetition compulsion. Ultimately, this is what happens when a wounded part of us tries to receive something that it couldn’t receive when it was wounded. The trouble is that this part of us causes us to recreate what happened all those years ago, thereby preventing us from getting what we actually need. It’s like jumping off a building and getting hurt, and then continually trying to jump off the same building without being hurt. The Purpose Vijay basically said that this was a way for us to become aware of our inner wounds but that it was a very painful way of doing it. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is what happens when one of the wounded child parts within us is trying to get its needs met, as facing up to the fact that this is not going to happen would cause this part to experience a lot of pain – another way of looking at it would be to say that this is our psyches way of letting us know what our wounds are so that we can heal them, with this being a way to bring us back to wholeness. Either way, experiencing the same negative outcome over and over again is what happens when we are not aware of an inner wound. A clear example of this is when someone continually attracts people who are unavailable or abusive, for instance. It’s Familiar This wounded part within us will want to experience a difference outcome, but it will only feel safe with the same outcome it has always experienced. This could be not getting its needs met or being physically harmed. It will be painful to experience this but, at the same time, it will be what is familiar; and what is familiar is what is safe to the ego mind. Therefore, even though it wants to experience a different outcome, experiencing the same outcome is what will feel comfortable. Final Thoughts What this emphasises is how important self-awareness is when it comes to being able to live a fulfilling life. At a conscious level, we can feel powerless, helpless and as though we are a victim if we continually experience a certain outcome, but, at a deeper level, this can be an outcome that we are comfortable with. Thus, once these wounds are resolved, our unconscious mind will be able to work with our conscious mind. The inner conflict with then be replaced with an inner harmony, allowing us to create a life that is in alignment with our true-self. To find out more about Vijay, and what he offers, please go to - http://www.vijayrana.co.uk/
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When two people get together and start a relationship, they can both have their own life. There is going to be how one person likes spend to their life and then there is going to be how the other person likes to spend their life.
Through being together, certain parts of their life are naturally going to change, while there will be other parts that won’t. What is clear is that they won’t have as much time as they did before to focus on certain needs, and this is because they will spend a certain amount of time with the other person. Adding Something Different Still, this is not to say that being in a relationship will be something that will have a negative effect on their life. Some things may need to be put to one side and they might not have as much time as they did before to do certain things, but being with the other person will allow them to fulfil needs that were not being met before. There will be the physical needs that they are able to meet, as well the emotional needs. They may even be at the stage in their life where they are ready start a family, so this is another need that they will be able to fulfil. Healthy Dependence And, through having someone in their life who they can depend on, it can make it a lot easier for them to achieve their goals and to be their best self. The support that the other person gives them can allow them to reach out for things that they wouldn’t have reached out for before. What this comes down to is that no one is their own island; they need others in order to function at their best. Ultimately, these two people will be a team, and this is what will allow them to be stronger together. Two Parts Having said that, if they didn’t have their own life, along with what they do together, this wouldn’t be the case. This is why it will be essential for them to make sure they don’t neglect the things they were doing before they got together – that is, of course, unless it relates to something that is no longer suitable. Their relationship will add to who they are, making it easier for them to perform at their best when they are not together, and what they do when they are not together will add to the relationship. Both parts of their life are then going to be important. A Key Part If they were unable to continue to pay attention to others areas of their life, their relationship would be radically different. But, the reason they can focus on others areas of their life, even though they are with someone, is likely be due to the fact that they have good boundaries. Both of them will know where they begin and end, and where the other begins and ends. This will allow them to maintain their sense of self, while being able to share who they are with the other person. Another Scenario This doesn’t mean that there will never lose who they are; what it means is that this is not going to be the norm. While this is how some relationships will be, there are going to be plenty of others that will function differently. There are going to be relationships where one person ends up doing what the other person wants them to do, along with what they think they want them to do. In the beginning they would have been two individuals but, as time went by, this would have changed. Out of Touch One of them is then going to act as though they are nothing more than an extension of their partner. Their partner is then not going to be another part of their world – they will be the centre of their world. Their behaviour will have gradually changed to accommodate the other person’s needs, and this is naturally going to cause them to neglect themselves. So, as the days, weeks and months went by, they would have gradually become estranged from their true-self. The Main Purpose Their main priority, once they met this person, may have been to do whatever they could to please them. This is likely to have been something that they were not fully aware of. Pleasing the other person will then have made them feel good in the beginning, yet there is the chance that their emotional state has changed as time has passed. When they are with this person, they may be used to feeling trapped, powerless, helpless, and angry, amongst other things. What’s going on? What this is likely to show is that they believe that it is not safe for them to main who they are when they get close to another person. Disconnecting from who they are and focusing on another’s persons needs is what will feel safe. As one is an adult it can be hard to comprehend why this would be the case; after all, it is not as if they need this person to survive. Hoverer, the reason why they behave in this way as an adult is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. Childhood This may have been a time in their life when they had to focus on their caregiver’s needs, with their needs being overlooked. If they hadn’t of done this, they may have been abandoned or even harmed. Being treated in this way would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self. In addition to this, it would have caused them to believe that they need to focus on others people’s needs in order to survive. Awareness Behaving in this way would have kept them alive as a child but now that they are an adult, it causing them to suffer unnecessarily. Their needs are just as important as anyone else’s needs. If someone can relate to this, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotionally Disconnected: Do Some People’s Childhoods Set Them Up To Disconnect From Their Emotions?8/9/2018
It has been said that if human beings were unable to experience emotions, it would to lead to a very bleak existence. This is, in part, due to the fact that it would cause them to feel dead inside and this would make it hard for them to feel connected to anything.
Emotions are what allow human beings to feel alive and to experience a deeper connection to everything on the planet. In a way, a life without emotions is like black and white image; whereas a life with emotions is like an image that is full of colour. A Life of Colour So, when someone is in touch with their emotions, they will feel as though they are part of life. They will feel connected to themselves, the planet they live on, and their fellow human beings. And through being aware of how they feel, it will also allow them to know what they need. Through being aware of what they need, they will have the chance to fulfil their needs. Fulfilment Meeting their needs will play a big part in allowing them to lead a life that is fulfilling. Whether it relates to their need to experience intimacy or to achieve something, for instance, their emotions will provide them with vital information. Therefore, if it wasn’t for this information, it wouldn’t be possible for them to know what their needs were. Having this information at their fingertips is then going to be part of what allows them to live a purposeful existence. A Life of Depth Being in tune with how they feel will mean that there will be moments when they feel great and moments when they don’t, but this is just part of life. It will be through being able to feel bad that they will be able to appreciate feeling good. If they only had the ability to experience one side of the emotional spectrum, they would soon become accustomed to how they feel. Their life would become one dimensional and no longer have the same meaning. Intimacy And not only will being in tune with how they feel inform them as to when they need to connect to another person; it will also enable them to understand how other people feel. This is then akin to how someone will be able to understand another language if they can speak the same language. In this case, they will understand emotional language – an incredibly important language when it comes to experiencing deeper connections with others. Said another way, they will be emotionally literate. Disconnected On the other hand, when someone is not connected with how they feel, it can be normal for them to believe that life has no meaning. This can also take place even if one is rarely in tune with how they feel. As a result of being out of touch with themselves, it can set them up to feel as though they are not connected to anything else. They will then be one of the many human beings on the planet, but it will be as though they are all by themselves. Another Consequence When someone is not in touch with how they feel, it is likely to mean that they are not in touch with their body. The reason for this is that their feelings will be in their body, not their mind. Through living in their head and being estranged from their body, it can set them up to see themselves as an observer of life. So, instead of feeling as though they are part of life; it will be as if they are on the outside looking in. Unreactive From the outside it might seem as though nothing ever fazes them; they might even be seen as being stoic. However, while they might receive positive feedback from the outside, on the inside they will feel dead. It is then not that they are not fazed by life; it is that they are emotionally shut down and unable to connect to their body. Thus, there is no reason for them to be seen as someone to emulate. Another Sign But, as emotional expression is often seen as something that is negative, it is not a surprise that not showing emotion is often seen as something positive. And, if they are out of touch with how they feel, it will probably mean that they are unable to cry either. Crying is incredibly important as it is a way for someone to let go of ‘negative’ emotions, thereby allowing them to move forward in life. Without this ability, someone can feel stuck and unable to make progress. Divided Through being disconnected from their body, it is going to be a real challenge for them to connect with how they feel. Their body will be just below their head, but it will be as if they are trying to connecting with something that is a million miles away. It is highly unlikely that they just ended up this way, though; something will have happened to cause them to be this way. What this can show is that there was a time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body. Two Parts There was probably something taking place externally that caused them to feel as though their life was under threat and this would have caused them to feel overwhelmed internally. Consequently, disconnecting form their body, along with their emotions, would have been a matter of survival. This may have been something that took place at some point during their adult years, but there is a greater chance that it took place during their formative years. Day after day, year after year, they may have lived in an environment where it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body and to embrace how they felt. Early Trauma Perhaps this was a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. The safety and security and the guidance that they needed to stay connected with their body wouldn’t have been provided. What was taking place externally would have caused them to gradually disconnect from their body and emotions. What this comes down to is that one would most likely have been born with a strong connection with their body, but due being brought up in an unstable environment, this would have gradually changed. Awareness If they were brought in an environment that was safe and secure, they would have stayed connect to their body, and, with the right guidance, it would have allowed them to develop emotional literacy. Now that they are an adult, it will be up to them to redevelop the connection that they had with their body when they were born and to become emotional literate for the first time. When it comes to dealing with the trauma that is within them and being able to understand their emotions, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The ideal would be for someone to get a clear idea about what they want to achieve and then to go about achieving it, without there being anything within them that would hold them back. After all, they will have enough to deal with externally without there being anything internally to overcome.
Their inner clarity - along with the support that is within them - would supply them with what they need to keep going, no matter what challenges arise. And, if this is what happens when they set out to achieve something, there is the chance that they don’t have trouble moving forward. The Exception When someone experiences life in this way, they are likely to be one of the rare few people on this planet who experience inner harmony. They will be their own best friend as opposed to their own worst enemy. Now, this doesn’t mean that they won’t ever experience a thought or a feeling that is not in alignment with what they want to achieve or experience. What it means is that there won’t be an inner battle taking place within them. One Direction It will be as though they are being pulled by a number of horses and, while one horse might be a bit off the pace from time to time, they will all be going in the same way. This will allow them to achieve their goals a lot faster than if this wasn’t the case. There will be no reason for them to continually take one step forward and then to take a step back, or to start something and then to stop when they experience a setback. Their inner conviction and support will allow them to keep going. Successful Through being able to tune into their needs and then to go about fulfilling them, they are likely to live a life that is very fulfilling. They might be in a relationship with someone who they feel deeply connected to and have a career that fills them with joy. Being this way is most likely going to allow them to eat the right food and to make sure they don’t eat too much. Exercising might be another thing that they are able to do without having to force themselves. Going Within When it comes to their inner world, their mind (thoughts) is generally going to be working with their body (feelings and instincts). The power that comes from their body is then going to be what allows them to make what is taking place in their mind a reality. And, as they are functioning in this way, it will be normal for the people in their life to be supportive towards them. The support that these people give them will be a reflection of the support that one gives to themselves. Another Reality Experiencing life in this way is how it will be for some people, but for a number of others, it will be very different. For some, there will be the inner conflict that they experience in certain areas of their lives, while for others; this will be something that dominates their whole life. But, even if someone only experiences inner conflict when it comes to one area of their life, for instance, it could still have a big impact on every other area of their life. This can be the case if they experience conflict when it comes to intimacy. Stuck Part of them might feel the need to connect to another person, along with people in general, but another part of them might not allow this to take place. And although this could be something that they really want to experience, the part of them that doesn’t want to experience this could be even stronger. By not being able to fulfil is need, they may find it hard to perform at their best in other areas of their life. It will be similar to going without food but still trying to carry out everyday tasks. All Areas If this is something that relates to every area of their life, they might feel as though they are completely stuck. Thus, regardless of whether it relates to their career, intimacy, eating well or exercising, for instance, they won’t be able to fulfil their true needs. They may have many different parts within them, with these parts stopping them from being able to move in one direction. But, although experiencing life in this way can be what is normal, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way. Way Back What this can show is that their early years were a time when they didn’t get the type of care that they needed to develop in the right way. Through being abused and/or neglected, there would have been moments when they had to split-off parts of themselves in order to handle the pain that they were experiencing. These parts would have been pushed deep into their unconscious, setting them up to have many different parts or selves - not an integrated sense of self. Time will then have passed, but these different parts will be making it hard for them to tune into their true needs and then to go about meeting them. Divided This will stop their mind and body from being able to work together and, therefore, the support that they need from their body is not going to be available. These split-off parts will play a part in how they feel and the thoughts they have. It will be hard for their true-self to see the light of day, with these parts playing a big part in how they see themselves and the world. When they are indentified with one of these parts, they may feel worthless, powerless and helpless, for instance. Awareness These parts don’t need to be removed or changed, though, they need to be acknowledged and allowed to express themselves, and as this happens, they will begin to integrate. This is then a feminine approach, not a masculine approach – surrendering to what is taking place within them, not trying to conquer it. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I remember reading ‘Family Secrets’ by John Bradshaw and in this book he said, “it was and is your parents’ actually lives that educated you: not what they said, but what they did”. I took this to mean that what my parents did was far more important than what came out of their mouth.
This was something that I had saved on my phone after I started reading the book in 2014, and, after thinking about the impact that my parents had had on what my relationships were like as an adult, I started to think about this quote again. However, I didn’t just think about how what they said to me wasn’t as important as how they treated me, though. Another Element What also occurred to me was that how they treated each other was just as important as how they treated me. The idea that I formed of myself was partly defined by how my mother treated my father. Also, how my parents treated each other played a big part in my idea of what both men and women were like. Their relationship was incredibly dysfunctional, so they didn’t serve as good role models in this regard. Full of Conflict I don’t know what the term is when it comes to the opposite of a soul mate relationship, but this term would have fitted them perfectly. There was no harmony, respect, love or connection; there was just fighting, arguments and drama. My father was generally very passive and did what he could to try to please my mother, while my mother was generally controlling, cold, and emotionally unstable. After putting up with her control for a number of weeks, my father would often lose it, and then the same pattern would play out again soon after. Inner Model Needless to say, they were both totally oblivious to the effect that their behaviour was having on my sister and I. Through being around these two people - day in day out, year after year – I ended up coming to believe that men were weak and had no value, and women were cold and controlling. And as I was a man and had identified with my father, it meant that I was weak and had no value. This view was compounded by the way in which my mother treated me – I was generally treated in the same way as my father was. The Power of Self-Awareness It was then not much of a surprise that I would go on to have a poor relationship with women and myself. A big part of me had the need to avoid women and it was common for me criticise myself and to feel absolutely worthless. Thankfully, I ended up getting into self-development and looking into why I was experiencing life in this way. This then gave me the chance to do something about what I had picked up and to gradually redefine myself. Final Thoughts So, reading this may have made you think about the impact that your parents had on how you came to see men and women, along with the idea that you have of yourself. No matter what happened during this time, you now have the opportunity to transform your life. In a lot of cases, the people who brought us up didn’t have a clue what they were doing, and were simply wounded children in adults bodies. For whatever reason, they ended abusing their children in a way that was similar to the abuse that they experienced.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In order for someone to be able to express their true-self, it will be essential for them to be an integrated human being. What this means is that their mind (thoughts), heart (emotions) and body (instincts) will generally work together.
Through being this way, they will be in touch with their needs and they will be able to go about fulfilling them. There will be no reason for them to focus solely on other people’s needs and to do what they can to please them. Boundaries So, if they were asked if they would like to do something and they didn’t want to do it, there would be no need for them to say yes. The connection that they have with themselves will have allowed them to realise that they didn’t want to do something, and their inner strength will have allowed them to make this clear. It won’t have mattered if a close friend or their partner had asked them, for instance, as they won’t be interested in neglecting themselves. And, as this is how they are, they probably won’t expect other people to neglect themselves either. Taking Action Once they become aware of something that they want to achieve or experience, they may end up taking the first step. Their self-belief will play a part, as will their ability to listen to themselves. They won’t need anyone to give them permission before they do anything or for someone else to be there every step of the way. This doesn’t mean that they won’t need other peoples support; what it means is that they will be able to take their own initiative. A Fulfilling Existence Being aware of their needs and being able to fulfil them is going to allow them to lead a life that is deeply meaningful. This doesn’t mean that they will always be able to fulfil their needs or that they won’t have set backs, though. When it comes to the people in their life, they are likely to experience life in a similar way. Along with being connected to themselves, they will do what they can to fulfil their needs, and this is going to show that they are also empowered human beings Emotional Regulation If their emotions ever get out of control and they are unable to handle them, there will be people in their life who they can reach out to. One is then going to have the ability to be with how they feel and they will feel comfortable enough to open up to others when this is not possible. This will mean that one won’t be dependent on others and neither will they try to do everything by themselves – they will have embraced the fact that they are an interdependent human being. There is the chance that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. The Other Side Experiencing life in this way could be seen as the ideal, and this is because one won’t have the tendency to neglect themselves. However, while this is how some people will experience life, there are going to be plenty of others who experience life differently. In this case, someone’s primary purpose is going to be to please other people. When it comes to their inner world, they are going to find it hard to feel centred and at peace, which is why they will need to make sure that they don’t displease others. The Main Priority Thus, in the same way that an unstable building will need scaffolding; they will need external stability to make up for their inner instability. Unlike the person above, they will find it hard to handle their own emotions, and this is why they will be emotionally dependent on others. And, even if they are aware of their true needs and feelings, it doesn’t mean that they will pay attention to their needs or show how they feel. In order to please other people, they will need to tune into their needs and feelings and to disregard their own. Self-Abandonment Deep down, they may believe that if they were to listen to their own needs and feelings, it would cause them to be abandoned by others. This would result in them being overwhelmed by their emotions. The trouble is that by doing everything they can do make sure that other people don’t abandon them, they are abandoning themselves. And the reason why they expect to be abandoned can be due to the fact that they feel worthless. Three Challenges Firstly, they feel the need to hide their needs and feelings, secondly, they are unable to handle their emotions, and thirdly, they feel worthless. Yet, even though this might be what is normal for them, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way. The reason why they are experiencing life in this way is likely to be the result of what their early years were like. This may have been a time when their developmental needs were not met, with them being abused and/or neglected instead. The Outcome Through being treated in this way, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and it would have stopped them from being able to develop the ability to handle their emotions. This may have also been a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs. Disconnecting from their true-self and creating a false-self would then have been something that they had to do to survive. But while ignoring themselves allowed them to survive during this stage of their life it is now causing them to suffer. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The mainstream media routinely covers stories that go into how someone believes that they should receive something without having to work for it. Yet, if it doesn’t relate to one person, it will relate to a group of people.
Thanks to identity politics, just about everyone has been put into a group in today’s world. So, regardless of what someone’s life is like or how they treat others, for instance, they will ether been an oppressor or they will be oppressed. One Area With that aside, it is not uncommon for people to talk about how higher education should be free. This is seen as something that everyone should have a right to, with this being something that would have a positive effect on the world. Rarely is there any thought put in when it comes to where the money is going to come from to pay for it or what kind of impact this would have on people. For example: would someone have the same level of commitment or do something just for the sake of it if higher education was free? Another Area Being offended used to be something that was seen as part of life, but now there are people who believe that it is there right not to be offended. Not only can someone try to silence others, they can also try to have laws brought in to protect themselves from speech that is deemed offensive. It will be as if they have to right to live in a world where they don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Therefore, there is going to be no reason for them to look into what they can do to make sure they don’t allow the external world to disrupt their inner peace; no, the external world is what needs to change so that their needs are met. Two Parts There are, of course, many other ways in which the entitlement mentality is being expressed in the western world. When someone has this mentality, they are going to believe that they just deserve things, and that they don’t need to earn anything. The part of them that relates to receiving - the feminine - is going to be in use, but the part of them that relates to giving - the masculine - is going to be out of use. And as the western world is often focused on what people are entitled to, it could be said that this shows how out of balance it has become. Just One Example The entitlement mentality is not the only thing that has emerged due to this imbalance; there is also the obsession with tolerance and the glorification of open borders. Due to the masculine aspect being demonised, it has resulted in the feminine aspect being pedestalized. And, when something is elevated, it is often only a matter of time before it will come crashing down. Without the masculine aspect to balance things out, it has allowed the feminine aspect to create chaos. A Slow Process But, as is often the case with human beings, something often needs to get really bad before anything gets done. So, whether it is tolerance or open borders, for instance, a more rounded outlook is emerging. As paradoxical as this may sound, the only way a society can be tolerant is if it is intolerant of certain things. Open borders can sound like a great idea, but great ideas don’t always lead to great outcomes. The Main Point When it comes to the correcting the imbalance that the entitlement mentality is a reflection of, it is going to be vital for the masculine aspect to be reintegrated. Both the masculine and the feminine aspects are vital, and, when one side is overlooked it will lead to problems. And it doesn’t matter if someone is a male or a female as they will have both of these aspects within them. That’s not to say that everyone will have the same amount of each aspect within them, though. Two Roles The need to work for things as opposed to simply receiving them just for existing is usually something that a father passes on to his child/children. On the other hand, the mother usually provides her child/children with the belief that they are special and deserve everything. Thus, the former provides conditional love, while the latter provides unconditional love. If a child receives conditional love but not unconditional love, they can grow into someone who ends up acting like a human doing who feels worthless; whereas if a child only receives unconditional love but not conditional love, they might grow into an adult who doesn’t believe that they should work for anything. Another Experience It would, however, be inaccurate to say that everyone that has an entitlement mentality received unconditional love as a child. What can also cause someone to have this mentality is if they were abused and/or neglected as a child. By not having their developmental needs met during their early years, it would have stopped them from being able to develop into an empowered human being. They can feel powerless and see themselves as a victim, so they will need other people to give them things. The Norm One of the reasons why the entitlement mentality is so prevalent could be because so many children are being brought up without a father nowadays. This guidance is also not going to be provided if a father is physically present but emotionally absent. Conclusion But, even though the entitlement mentality is having a destructive effect on society, the people at the top benefit from it. The reason for this is that when someone has this mentality they will expect ‘free’ stuff from the government, and this is going to be something that will allow them to not only stay in power, but to increase their power. It will then be necessary for certain people to pay even more tax, and for everyone to lose even more freedom, to support the people who are not willing to play their part. In other words, having a country full of people with this mentality is a great way to control the citizenry.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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