Offended: Does Someone Need To Embrace Their Masculine Nature If They Are Always Offended?11/10/2016
If someone was to stay up to date with what is taking place in the mainstream media, they may have come to see that it is not uncommon to hear about people who have been offended by one thing or another. This may cause them to wonder why people have become so sensitive in today’s world.
At the same time, they may have the tendency to identify with the people who are offended by something or someone. Therefore, when they read about something like this in a paper or online, they could end up getting angry. A Victim When they come across someone who has been offended, they could believe that they are in the right. The other person can then be seen as someone who needs to be punished for what they have done. One person can then be seen as a victim and the other can be seen as a perpetrator. Based on this, one person will have more power than the other, and so it could be said that it will be normal for them to be outraged by what has occurred. A Reflection And if one responds in this way when other people are offended, there is a strong chance that they are used to being offended by others. Or if this is not the case, they could also feel like a victim when they hear or see something that has an effect on them. In addition to this, the people that they spend their time with could have a similar outlook. As a result of this, the people around them are going to give them the support and the validation that they need. Additional Support This is unlikely to be the only support that is available though, and this is because there will be what is taking place online. It is not going to take one long to find people on here who have the same outlook as them. Through going online, they will find videos, articles and forums that support and validate how they see life. Along with this, there are also going to be different videos, article and forums that have a different perceptive. Tunnel Vision But even if they were to come across information that goes against what they believe, it doesn’t mean that they will take the time to look over it. And even if they were to go over it, they could still end up dismissing it. It could then be said that one will be looking for information that validates what they believe. Their mind will be closed and they won’t be willing to question how they see life, and neither they be willing to put up with someone who questions their outlook. One Outlook It is then going to be clear that there is only going to one person (or one thing) at fault here, and that is the person who is seen as causing offence. And as this is the case, it is going to be expected that one will feel the need to change other people. In fact, they may go one step further and to try to have laws put in place to make sure that this no longer happens. Through being this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to find their centre, and even if they do, this is likely to soon change. Both Environments It won’t matter if they are around others or if they are online, as they could end up being offended. One could then be in the safety of their own home and feel as though their life is under threat. But while this could stop them from going online as much, they could end up taking another approach. If someone offends them on social media, they could end up blocking them or trying to have them banned, for instance. Greater Control Thus, even though they are going to end up being offended online, they are going to be able to do more than they can offline. If they are offended in the real world, they are not going to be able to do the same things. Still, this is not to say that they won’t have the ability to do anything, as there will be a number of options. And when it comes to what they can do, it can all depend on the context. An Analogy One way of looking at how one is experiencing life would be to say that they are like a small boat that is being tossed and turned. There is then nothing that they can do and they simply have to tolerate what is taking place. However, while it can appear as though one has no control over what is taking place; this is not the complete truth. Yet, in order for them to no longer experience life in this way, they will need to get in touch with the part of them that will allow them to experience self-control. Integration This will then be the difference between them being on a small boat and being on a cruise liner; it will be a radically different experience. When one is used to being offended, it can show that they are in touch with their feminine nature but out of touch with their masculine nature. The feminine is reactive and emotional; the masculine is uncreative and unemotional, amongst other things. When one lacks mental and emotional strength, it can be normal for them to react to life and not to respond to it. A Closer Look This can mean that they won’t be able to observe what is taking place within them, and they might find it hard to regulate how they feel. The reason one experiences life is this way can be due to what took place during their younger years. Perhaps this was a time when they were neglected, and this would have meant that there was rarely anyone there to regulate their emotions. And as their developmental needs were not taken care of, it would have stopped them from being able to develop into a strong adult. Awareness Even so, this is not to say that there is nothing that they can do about this now that they are an adult. There is a strong chance that they will be able to develop their mental and emotional strength. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Emotional Problems: Should Someone Look At Their Childhood If They Have Emotional Problems?10/10/2016
If someone has a lot going on internally and they are finding it hard to settle down, it could be said that it will be a good idea for them to do something about it. As if they were to simply put up with what is taking place, they will end up suffering unnecessarily.
The Logical Approach Yet, while one could make a decision to do something about what is taking place within them, they could just as easily ignore it. What is taking place could not only be a mystery to other people, it could also be a mystery to themselves. Even so, this is not to say that one will be able to completely ignore their inner world, as what they are trying to avoid will appear sooner or later. And when it does come back to the surface of their mind, it could be even harder for them to handle. Pulling Back It is then similar to what would happen is one was to put something small into a slingshot and to then to fire it When it is pulled back, it will go from one direction to another, and this will require a certain amount of force. However, once one takes their hand away from the part that they were holding, it will shoot off in the opposite direction. What they did took effort, but the same can’t be said for when it fires off. Repression In the same way, it takes a lot of effort for one to keep their pain at bay and out of their conscious awareness. But once they no longer apply the same effort, the pain can end up coming right up to the surface. One way of looking at this would be to say one was giving this part of themselves the energy that it needed to take over without even realising it. And what they have tried to control will have no other choice than to control them. Pain Still, if one is in a lot of pain they are not going to be thinking about what might happen in the future; they are going to be focused on the here and now. Their focus will be to do what they can to feel better. This can then show that their thinking brain is offline, and this is going to stop them from being able to step back from what is taking place for them. If they were to do this, they may use the pain that is within them to move them forward. Looking For Answers Through having this pain to drive them forward and their mind to decide where they will go, it will be possible for them to find assistance. The first thing they may do is to go and see their doctor. During this time, they could talk about what has been taking place for them and how long is has been going on for. They might also be asked about what was going on in their life when they started to feel and/or think as they do. Two Options Once this has taken place, they may come to see that they have two options: either they see a therapist or they go on some kind of antidepressants. At the same time, they might end up going along with both of these options. If they were then to see a therapist, they could talk about what has been taking place in their adult life. And after a few sessions, one may find that their inner experience begins to change. Another Route That could then be the end of it and one could carry on with the rest of their life. Alternatively, one may decide to go online and not to go and see their doctor, and there is going to be no shortage of information here. At first, one might not know what to go along with and what to ignore, and this is to be expected. If one has never looked into this area of life before and they are overwhelmed with information, it might take a while for them to take the next step. The Mind Nevertheless, they may find that a lot of the information that they hear about is the same, and this could cause them to come to a number of conclusions. Their mind could be seen as the part of them that controls how they feel, and so their thoughts and beliefs will play a vital role. As a result of this, one could begin to monitor their thoughts and to look into what they believe. After this, one could start to change their thoughts and to create beliefs that are more empowering, for instance. Progress And just like if one was to go and see their doctor, they may find that their life gradually begins to improve. Focusing on their mind and maybe even changing their behaviour will have been the answer to the mental and emotional problems that they had (or at least made it easier for them to function). On the other hand, one could find that this approach doesn’t change how they feel, or they may only feel slightly different. One response might be to say that how they feel is due to their genetics and/or a chimerical imbalance, for instance. Early Years What this could then mean is that one won’t take the time to look into what took place during their childhood. This is not to say that what took place during this time always defines how one will feel as an adult; what it comes down to is that these years can have a big effect on how one experiences life as an adult. Therefore, if one was to overlook this time in their life, it could stop them from finding out about things that could allow them to change how they feel. For example, if one was abused and/or neglected during this time, it could mean that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain and trauma. Awareness It is then not going to be much of a surprise is they are finding it hard to handle life as an adult. What they are then going through is a reflection of what took place during their early years, but unless they realise this, they will continue to suffer unnecessarily. If the body is carrying what took place in the past, it won’t matter how many years have passed. The symptoms that they are experiencing can then be seen as being caused by the part of them that is in pain; with this part of them calling out to be heard. When it comes to looking through what happened and working through this pain, the assistance of a therapist may be needed.
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It could be said that the mainstream media have a number of different ways in which to keep people distracted, unformed and deceived. And while some of these ways are well known, there are others that are not.
However, even though people can be aware of some the tactics that they use, it doesn’t mean that they will no longer have an effect. They can be just affective as the ones that they are not aware of. Caught Up The reason for this is that when someone goes about their day-to-day life, they are not always going to be completely centred. As a result of this, it can be normal for their thinking brain to go offline from time to time and for their emotional brain to take over. In addition to his, both of these brains can go offline and their reptile brain can end up taking over. When this occurs, it can be a lot easier for them to accept what they hear and not to take a closer look. Energy Also, it takes a lot of energy to think and this is why the mind relies on all kinds of different shortcuts to save power. Therefore, if something is presented in the right way, one can simply accept it. It is then not that they are unable to think, it is that they won’t feel as though it is necessary for them to do so. This can also be a sign that the people around them will support the views that are being presented. Fitting in What this comes down to is that most human’s beings are driven by the need to belong and to be accepted. Through having these two needs, one can have the desire to identify with how their friends and family see the world. This can also take place when they are around their colleagues and people that they don’t know very well. It is then going to be completely irrelevant as to whether something is the truth or not. Effortless What the mainstream media can appreciate about this is that there is no need for them to do anything; they can simply sit down and watch. It could be said that human nature will stop most people from taking the time to question what they are sold. Yet, if someone does pay attention to what is being said, it is not say that they will get any further. The mainstream media will have a number of different fences that will need to be breached. Authority Figures A great way to make people switch off and to accept what is being said is for information to be presented by an authority figure. For one thing, most people are conditioned from a young age to accept what these kinds of people say. And while this could just be a presenter or a doctor, for instance, it could also be someone who is an actor. It then won’t matter that these people are simply trained imitators, as what they say can be seen as gospel. Fear When it comes to what they cover, it will be vital for them to focus on things that will unsettle people, or to make people unsettled by what they talk about. As the last thing they want is for people to be able to listen or to read what they have to say and to be able to think clearly. Due to this, there is going to be no reason for them to present any evidence or to talk about facts. They will realise that most people will be wide open and only too willing to take in everything they hear. Uninformed Whether someone feels at peace or not can then depend on what is taking place in the media, and this is unlikely to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. One could say that they want to stay up to date with what is taking place in the world, and they are willing to experience life in this way. Now, if this information was simply a reflection of what is taking place in the world, it could be said that they have the right outlook. But as the media has an agenda, it is not going to be possible for one to be informed by them. The Ideal It could then be said that the mainstream media likes people to accept what they hear and for their emotional and reptile brain to be unsettled. When someone responds in this way, they will be the perfect slaves. Nevertheless, it would be inaccurate to say that the media doesn’t one to use their emotional brain. As there can be moments when they will try and hijack this part of them in order to fulfil their agenda. Empathy This can take place through showing images or footage of people who are suffering in some way. The intention of the media could be to encourage people to help them in some way, or to try to force change at a higher level. Through someone putting themselves in another person’s shoes, so to speak, they are likely to end up having the need to do something. And while this is something that can affect both sexes, it can be something that will have a greater effect on women. A Good Thing This comes down to the fact that women are often more in touch with how they feel, and they can have more empathy than men. It could be said that there is nothing wrong with this approach and that it is good to empathise with people who are suffering. But while there are moments when this will be a good thing, there are moments when this won’t be the case. For one thing, when one is empathising with someone, it can stop them from being able to think clearly. Destructive Empathy It can then be a challenge for them to think about whether they should help someone, and if this could cause even more problems. Ultimately, one can be focused on the here and now and be oblivious to the kinds of consequences may arise if they were to simply follow their heart and to disregard their mind.
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If one is in a relationship and it was to come to an end, they might be only too happy that they are able to move on with their life. For a number of weeks or even months, they may have been thinking about how much better their life would be if they were both to go their separate ways.
Emotional State Still, this is not to say that they won’t feel down after it comes to an end, and this could come as a surprise. Yet if they were with them for a while, it is to be expected that they will feel this way. Ultimately, they had developed an attachment to them, and as this has come to an end, there can be a sense of loss. Their life is no longer how it was before and so it can take a while for them to be at their best. A New Beginning But as they no longer want to be with the other person; they are not going to have the need to get caught up in how they feel. They could accept that it is normal for them to feel this way and carry on regardless. And after a short period of time, their emotional state could soon begin to change. This could be due to them focusing on their career and/or it could be the result of them meeting someone else. Looking Back If one was think about what their life was like before and what it is like now, they could experience a deep sense of satisfaction. They could even think about how different their life would be if they were still with the same person. They can then be pleased that they are the longer in a relationship and/or they can think about how they wouldn’t have met the person they were if their life had stayed the same. If they are with someone, they could be far more compatible than the person they were with. Self-Belief It can then be easier for them to function at their best in other areas of their life, and this is because they won’t be in a relationship that is having a negative impact on them. Thus, they may find that their whole life has improved. On the other hand, if they were still with the other person it would have been a lot harder for them to feel good about themselves. It would then not just be a case of one being in the wrong relationship, the rest of their life may also have paid the price. Another Experience What this person goes through is then going to be radically different to what someone goes through when they didn’t want their relationship to end. The fact that they are no longer with them could cause them to experience a lot of a pain. It is then not going to be possible for them to carry on with their life and to put the relationship behind them. They may find that the only thing they can think about is the other person, and this could cause them to neglect the rest of their life. Up And Down There is the chance that they will have moments when they feel down and moments when they are able to rise up again. When it relates to the former, it could show that they are caught up in how they feel. But when it relates to the latter, it could be a sign that they are imagining what it would be like to be back together. This could then be seen as a defence mechanism that their mind is using the keep the pain in their body at bay. Searching For Answers In addition to this, there is a strong chance that one will have the desire to find out why they are no longer together. What this could show is that the relationship ended suddenly and that everything seemed to be fine up until this point. At the same time, one might not be willing to see that it was no longer working and that its time had come to an end. But if they don’t fully understand why it came to an end and they want to find out, this is something that could completely consume them. A Number of Ways This could take place through one reflecting on what happened whilst they were together and they could try to contact their ex. What could make it harder for them to look back on what happened is if they are in an emotionally charged state. It is then going to be a challenge for them to think clearly, and they might need to settle down before they are able to make the right assessment. They may find a number of articles online that will also assist them with this, amongst other things. Out of Reach And even if their ex was to say why it came to an end, it doesn’t mean that what they say is the truth. There is also the chance that one won’t be able to get hold of them, and this could make it even harder for them. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that one will stop trying to contact them, and this is going to keep their mind busy. If one was to step back, they may find that they are being driven by their need to avoid how they feel. Awareness At a deeper level, they could believe that their life will return to how it was if only they can find out why the relationship ended. It might be better for them to process the pain that is within them and to develop themselves. This will then allow them to settle down and to improve their life, as opposed to being stuck in their pain and wasting their time and energy on the past. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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When someone uses social media, it is up to them how they decide to present themselves, and this means that they have a lot of control. Still, this is not to say that everyone who uses it will realise this.
Another Part For some people, this could just be seen as somewhere where they can express themselves. There is then going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour or to make out they are someone else. Now, this is not to say that they won’t be a bit more daring online; what it comes down to is that they won’t put on an act. It is then going to be similar to how they would be if they were to text someone or to speak to them on the phone. More Options However, when it comes to social media, they are going to be able to express themselves in a number of different ways. And, this is not going to be the case when they are on the phone or sending a message. Through being on a social media site, they will be able to upload pictures and videos, as well as being able to write things. Thus, no matter how they feel or what they want to express, they will be able to let other people know what is taking place for them at any given moment. Staying Connected If someone like this was asked why they use social media, they could say that it is a way for them to stay in contact with their friends and family. And if most of the people they know use social media, this is going to make their life a lot easier. As instead of having to reach out to each person, they can simply share their life (or parts of it) on their wall. To get in touch with each person individually could take them a lot of time, and there are bound to be moments in their life when they don’t have the time to do this. A Time and a Place Even so, this is not to say that one will believe that one approach is ‘better’ than the other, as they may see that it is not possible to replace one with the other. For one thing, there are going to be certain topics that will need to be spoken about in private. Along with this, relationships need the right nutrients in order to exist, and not all these are going to be supplied by sharing things on social media. One way of looking at it would be to say that sending a hug online might be nice, but it won’t replace a real hug. One Factor As to how someone uses social media, it can all depend on their age and what kind of life they lead. If social media was invented during the latter part of their life, it might not be something that consumes their life. Or, if one has a career where they are not allowed to reveal much about their life, this will also shape how they use it. This may mean that they will prefer to send private messages, or to only share things that are impersonal. One Step Further Although sharing what has been taking place in their life will be enough for some people, it won be enough for everyone. There are a number of people who are going to be concerned with creating the right impression. And when it comes to what impression is seen as the right one, it can vary from person to person. If someone is still at school, they would probably want to create a different impression than if they were married and had children. The Perfect Life Either way, the desire to present the perfect life is something that someone can have regardless of their age. One is then not just going to share anything; they will only share things that will make them look good. There could be times when this will go to plan, and other times when they don’t have the desired effect. Nevertheless, this is unlikely to cause them to use social media differently, and this will show how important it is for them to look right. Effortless To create the impression that their life is perfect, the only thing they will need to do is to upload the right images and to share the right statuses. This is not to say that they will need to take good pictures though, as they can just edit them. The angle of their picture and the facial expression they make can completely transform the kind of experience they are having. Therefore, one could be in an environment that doesn’t look very appealing and they might not be having a good time, but they could be the only ones who will know this. Images This could also mean that they will share certain quotes on their wall, as this can be seen as a reflection of how they see life. Ergo, not only do they live the ideal life, they also have a ‘positive’ mindset to go with it. At the same time, one could share these kinds or quotes even if they don’t try to present the perfect life. This could occur a few times a week, or they may even share a few each day, for instance. A Deep Person It would then be normal for other people to come to the conclusion that this is someone who doesn’t just live on the surface of life; they actually take the time to look at things from a deeper level. One can then be seen as being positive on one hand and a deep thinker on the other. There is the chance that this assessment actually reflects reality, but then again, it might be way off. Instead, they may just share these quotes because of how it makes them look. Conclusion If someone wants to share positive or inspirational quotes, there is no reason why they shouldn’t; it is not as if they are causing harm by doing so. However, what this shows is how easy it is for someone to deceive others.
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If someone wanted to display their personality in the past, it would have been necessary for them to be around others. However, in today’s world this is no longer the case, and this is primarily due to social media.
It is now possible for one to display their personality no matter where they are or what they are doing. Therefore, it can be normal for one to be on show at all times, and the only way this will change is if they deactivate their account. It’s Always There But even if they were to leave their account online and not to share anything, it can still have an effect on how people view them. What this comes down to is that what they have shared in the past won’t simply disappear. One could then leave their account and their ‘friends’ and family can still look over what they have shared in the past. If one has a problem with this, it could show that what they have shared no longer reflects them. Up to Date Fortunately, as it is so easy for one to keep their profile up to date, they won’t need to be on it all the time in order to create the right impression. This is something that can take place through uploading images, sharing their views and they can even upload videos of themselves. Therefore, they have complete control over how other people will view them, and this is likely to give them a sense of control. Unlike in the real world, one has the time to think about what they will share and what they won’t Pressure If one was around others, they are unlikely to have as much time to think about how they will behave or what they will say. Along with this, they won’t have the kinds of things that are available online to influence others. Ultimately, one will have far less control in the real than they do online, and this could be something that they are able to accept. Alternatively, one could find that using social media makes it harder for them to function in the real world. It Easier What can’t be overlooked about social media is how easy it is to not only display their personality, but to display a personality that doesn’t match up with their own. One can have a profile that reflects who they are, or they can have one that reflects who they want to be. If the latter takes place, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to step into the person they portray themselves as online. At the same time, the image they have created could be completely out of their reach. A Big Surprise The people they meet in the real world are then going to be in for a shock if they are ‘friends’ with them online. When they meet them, it could be as if they are meeting someone else and not the person they have been hearing about. As a result of this, it could be a challenge for them to experience real connections with others. They are going to be out of touch with themselves and so it won’t be possible for other people to connect to them. Loneliness This is then an example of how someone can end up feeling isolated from others through using social media. But it is not that social media is to blame, it is that they are using it in such a way that they are hiding their true-self The false-self that they have created is then what is causing them to suffer, as opposed to the fact they are using social media. It could be said that it is neither good nor bad; it all depends on how it is used. False-Self When one creates a false-self online, it is likely to mean that just about everything they share doesn’t match up with who they are. This could involve editing their pictures, talking about things that are not true and ‘liking’ different pages that don’t really interest them. The time they spend online is then going to be used to create the right image, and this will show that they are more concerned with pleasing others than they are with pleasing themselves. If they don’t get the approval that they feel they need, they could end up feeling extremely low. One Purpose Yet while one could have the need to create the perfect image, they might not even go this far. Instead, they could simply focus on one area, and this can mean that they will use social media to be seen in a certain way. Perhaps one has the need to be seen as funny or as some kind of entertainer, for instance, or they may want to be seen as attractive and desirable. In the first case, one could upload funny videos and in the second, they could continually upload ‘selfies’ and pictures of their body. Virtue Signalling On the other hand, they could have the desire to be seen as a ‘good’ person, and this is not going to take a lot of effort. They could share articles and videos that talk about the environment, animals, and people who are homeless, amongst other things. This can then cause other people to come to the conclusion that this is someone who has a big heart and that they are making a difference on this planet. And while what they share online could be backed up with what they do in the real world, it might not be. Conclusion What they share online could just be another way for them to gain approval, and when it comes to the real world, they might be someone who causes all kinds of damage. The kinds of things they share online could then be a way for them to compensate. Now, there is also the chance that what one shares online does reflect the kind of person they are in the real world. What this emphasises is how easy it is for someone to deceive other people online.
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If someone has a problem with their car, there is a strong chance that they will end up taking it to a garage. And this is likely to take place without one spending a lot of time thinking about whether this is the right decision or not.
No Pressure This is because one won’t be doing anything that is seen as being abnormal; anyone in their right mind would do the same thing. One may have already spoken to a few people they know and they would probably tell them to go there as soon as they can. Yet if this doesn’t take place, it could be a sign that someone knows how to fix cars, or that they know another person who does. Other than that, there is generally going to be one solution. A Different Experience However, although this is how it can be when one has a problem with their car, it is not always as simple when they are having trouble with their inner world. For one thing, one can be reluctant to reach out for right support. In addition to this, they might not even tell the people in their life about what they are going through. One can then suffer in silence and act as though there is nothing wrong, and this could make things even worse. Avoidance At the same time, one could have an inner problem and not even allow themselves to acknowledge it. What this can mean is that one will end up being drawn to something (or someone) as way to disconnect from how they feel. When this takes place, they could end up having something to eat, drinking something, or engaging in some kind of exercise, for instance. Through doing this, the people around them won’t be the only ones who are unaware of what is taking place within them. Out of Touch How they behave around others is then going to be nothing more than an act and this could cause other people to come to the conclusion that one is in a good place. Also, if one has the tendency to put on an act, they could also be surrounded by people who are just as disconnected from themselves. These people might only be concerned with how they look and it then won’t matter what is taking place within them. Thus, they are not going to have a strong sense of themselves and if they don’t get the approval they need, they could soon come crashing down. One Way When one avoids what is taking place within them, it is likely to be a matter of time before they have to face it. But as it will have taken a lot of force to keep what is within them at bay, it could end up coming to the surface at any moment. One could then end up acting in a way that causes them or others harm and they could develop a number of symptoms. Yet as they are out of touch with how they feel, they might not be able to see the connection. Reaching Out It would clearly be better for them to listen to what is taking place within them and to find the right assistance. This is not to say that one will have to tell any of their friends or family about what is taking place, as they could go and see their doctor or go online. If they were to end up having therapy and they were to tell the people in their life about this, they may find that they get the support that they need. Having said that, this could be a time where they are judged in some way. The Response Someone in their life could ask them why they need to do this and why they can’t just sort their problems out by themselves. In fact, this could be a time when they will try to tell them what to do. They may say that they have had a similar experience and that they were able to move beyond it by staying positive or through taking action, amongst other things. What this can then show is that they are not empathising with their situation, and that they are looking down on them. Weak One can then end up feeling ashamed of what they are doing and as though they are taking the easy option in life. This could then cause them to stop working with their therapist or they might just feel even worse. The person they spoke to could believe that everyone experiences life in the same way and that if they can do something, then everyone can do it. Said in another way, they are projecting their experience onto one how one experiences life and this is why they are unable to give them the support that they need. Today’s World They could then lack empathy and compassion, but it could be said that there are a number of reason as to why this kind of response is so common. Firstly, being independent is often seen as the ideal, and this can then set people up to try and do everything by themselves. As if they don’t, they will be seen as weak and this is naturally going to put someone under a lot of pressure. Along with this, it not uncommon for people to make sure they don’t come across as vulnerable. Protection So while one could be invalidated by someone who lacks the ability to put themselves in their shoes, there could be a lot more to it. What this could also show is that the reason they are judging one for being vulnerable is because their behaviour reminds them of what they despise within themselves. However, while one is getting the assistance that they need to deal with their inner challenges, they are too caught up with trying to maintain certain appearance. It then won’t matter if they need assistance, as they won’t be able to reach out for it. Awareness When someone is unable to be vulnerable or to act in a supportive manner when another person is, it can be due to what took place during their early years. Perhaps this was a time when they were shamed or abused in some way, and this may also have occurred whenever they opened up. And if someone is suffering from trauma or has emotional problems, it is not going to be something that they can simply ‘get over’. Ultimately, reaching out for the support as opposed to suffering in silence is something that takes courage.
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When someone is used to being walked over by others, they can feel like a victim, or they can have a different outlook. When one can relate to the former, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have no control over their life.
Alternatively, when one doesn’t see themselves in this way, they could believe that they do have control over their life. In this case, they will believe that they can do something about what is taking place. Two Experiences At the same time, this doesn’t mean that one will always believe that they can do something about it. As they may have moments when they see themselves as a victim, and this is naturally going to have a negative effect on how they see life. When it comes to how long this inner experience will last, it can all depend on what has taken place. This could be an experience that will pass after a few hours, or it could last for a number of days. The Difference Still regardless of whether this lasts a few hours or days, it is going to be radically different to if one’s whole identity was based around them being a victim. It is then the difference between visiting a country and living there. Once one has settled down and realises that they are not simply an effect of their environment, they will be able to do something about how they experience life. Their inner state will give them the energy that they need to move forward. In The Past However, if one does have moments when they are able to step back from what is taking place, it doesn’t mean that they have always been this way. There may have been a time when they always saw themselves as a victim. At one point in their life, something caused them to see life differently, and this then stopped them from having the same identity. Perhaps one was able to see how their behaviour was playing a part, or they may have had a conversion with someone that changed their outlook. Open To It It would then be easy to say that this was something that happened randomly and that one got lucky, for instance. This could be so, but it could also show that one was ready on someone level. In the same way that seeds will only grow on fertile ground; it would have been necessary for one’s mind to be ready. If their mind wasn’t ready, it probably wouldn’t have had an impact on them. Deaf What this shows is that someone can end up not hearing something even if there is nothing wrong with their ears. This could be because it goes against what the mind believes, and so it will do everything it can to block it out. On one side, this will stop one from experiencing pain, but on the other side, it won’t enable them to change their circumstances. Their mind is then running the show and one will continue to suffer. Stuck This is something that can take place when one sees themselves as a victim; with their mind blocking out anything that goes against what they believe. It could then be said that they are not ready to change their life. Weeks, months or years could pass before they are ready to change their life. Ultimately, one is on their own journey and no one else can make them change. Unable To Draw the Line When one is in a position where they are walked over by others, it is going to be a challenge for them to listen to their own needs and feelings. What they will be used to is putting other people’s needs and feelings before their own. They are then rarely, if ever, going to come cross as assertive, and the people around them could describe them as being easy going or passive, for instance. As a result of this, they could be seen as the ideal person to have around. Abuse One can then be used to saying ‘yes’ when they would rather say ‘no’ and end up doing things that they don’t want to do. This is likely to cause them to experience a lot of frustration and anger. It could even mean that one allows other people to harm then in some way, and this could be physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse. Either way, one is tolerating behaviour that is casing them harm. Self-Harm Instead of one looking after themselves, they are doing everything they can do undermine themselves. It is then not as simple as one being harmed by others; it is that they are allowing themselves to be harmed. The trouble is that when one is not aware of what is taking place within them, it can seem as though they are not playing a part in what is taking place. At a deeper level, one could be carry a lot of pain within them, and this pain can be what is defining their life Trauma If one was to get in touch with their body, they may find that they fear being abandoned. The pain that they go through by putting other people’s needs first can be a lot easier for them to handle than the pain they would experience if they were abandoned by others. What this shows is that although they are an adult, they don’t feel like one; this is likely to show that one’s younger years were a time when they were neglected on a regular basis. To be left at this age would have felt like the end of the world, and how they felt as a child can end up coming to the surface if they are left. Awareness The years have passed and yet the trauma they experienced all those years ago has stayed within them. Along with this, they would have ended up being emotionally undeveloped. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist.
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When it comes to how one behaves around others, there is the chance that their behaviour generally matches up with their true needs and feelings. What this will then mean is that they won’t have the inclination to put on an act around others.
Therefore, if the people they are close to were asked to describe them, there is a strong chance that their description would match up with how one sees themselves. And as one is this way around them, there is a strong chance that these people are also in touch with what is taking place within them. Authentic Relationships Through being this way and by having these people in their life, there will be no reason for them to feel trapped or weighed down whilst they are in their company. They can be themselves and they won’t need to edit what they say or adjust their behaviour to please these people. This will then allow them to experience a deep sense of intimacy, and this will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. One will know that the support that these people give them is for who they are and not for a role they play. A Role However, this is not to say that there won’t be moments where one won’t have to play a role and to ignore what is taking place within hem. But when this happens, it is likely to relate to another context. For example, when one is at work they may have to act in a certain way, and it then won’t be possible for them to always go along with their true feelings and needs. This can also occur if one was to come across someone who was aggressive, for instance, as it might not be in their best interest to speak their mind. Another Part When one has a strong connection with themselves it is not only going to affect their relationships, it will also impact their career. It could be said that there will be a greater chance that they will do something that is fulfilling, or that they will be working towards it. They are not going to be concerned about what other people are doing or on what looks good in the eyes of others; following their own truth will be what matters. And through leading their life in this way, it will be a lot easier for them to handle any setbacks that may arise. Two Sides If they are doing something that is fulfilling, they may have had to put in a lot of effort over the years to get to where they are. What would have made this easier would have been the support that they received from the people they are close to. On the other hand, if one is still studying or building up their business to where they want it to be, they will need to maintain their focus and to keep going. The fact that they are doing what matters and they have supportive people around them will make this process a lot easier than it would be if this wasn’t the case. One Reality Now, although experiencing life in this way could be seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone can relate to. There are going to be plenty of people who are completely out of touch with themselves. Alternatively, they can be in touch with themselves but that doesn’t mean that they will listen to what is taking place within them. Due to this, one could end up playing a role even if they are in touch with themselves. One Experience When one plays a role and they are out of touch with their true-self, their primary concern will be to please others. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will come across in this way, as they could come across as though they don’t need other people’s approval. It can then seem as a though they are above approval, but they are going to need it just as much as someone who comes across as a people pleaser. The reason they can come across as though they don’t need it is because they could find it easy to receive approval from others. A Steady Flow Perhaps one is highly attractive or has a certain presence, and this makes it easy for them to be validated. The feedback that they receive can then be enough to keep their need for approval at bay. Yet regardless of whether one comes across as though they don’t need approval, they are still going to be wearing a mask. The people they spend time with are not going to know who they are, and these people could also be out of touch with themselves. Like Attracts Like There is then going to be no reason for the people around them to realise that they are playing a role. It then not going to be possible for one to experience intimacy with others, and there is also the chance that this won’t bother them. If one is out of touch with their true needs and feelings, they are not going to be aware of their need to experience intimacy. It could be different for someone who is in touch with their needs and feelings though, but they are unlikely to feel comfortable enough to fulfil this need. A New Start This could me a mask that one has worn for most of their life and if they were to let go of it, it could be due to a number of reasons. They could get to the stage where they are no longer willing to please other people, or something dramatic could occur that shakes them up. The pain they will have to go through to let go of their mask is then going to pale in comparison to the pain they have been going through by living a lie for so long. This could then mean that they will end up reading books and having therapy, for instance. The Fallout As this takes place, one may find that they are not longer drawn to the same people, and a number of their relationships may come to an end. Some of the people they are close to may try to encourage them to behave how they used to behave. One can then end up feeling trapped in their presence and though they can’t be themselves, and this is why it will be normal for them to be drawn to other people. There is always the chance that they won’t be the only ones who will change, and at the same time, the people they know could end up getting defensive and accuse one of being the person who needs to change. Awareness If one is out of touch with their true-self and then this changes it is to be expected that certain challenges will arise. However, what matters is that one is true to themselves, and through allowing their life to be an expression of what is taking place within them, they will soon come into contact with people who can honour them.
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Although one can have the need to live their own life, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. Instead, one can find that they have the tendency to get caught up in what is taking place around them.
As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own feelings and needs. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pain and they could even end up feeling like a victim. A Bystander One can then see themselves as being on the sidelines and believe that it is only possible for other people live the kind of life whey want to live. It would be accurate to say that one is playing a supporting role in their own story. This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember, and one could have moments where they wonder why they are alive. Yet if this doesn’t cross their mind, they could be all too familiar with what it is like to feel hopeless. An Extension Along with this, one could feel as though it is their purpose to be there for others; with this being the right thing for them to do. It then won’t matter about their own life, as their life is not going to be as important as other peoples. One has a body of their own and their own mind, but it can seem as though they are belong to other people. There is a strong chance that one will find it draining to be around others and as though they can’t be themselves. A Different Experience However, if one does have moments when they are able to listen to what is taking place within them, it could be something that only occurs around certain people. It could also be a sign that the people it their life are not going through a challenging time. Due to this, there will be no reason for them to get caught up in what they are going through. Even so, the people they spend their time with are going to have a lot of control over their life, and this is likely to lead to an unstable existence. Success If they are able to move forward in life and to achieve something, they might not be able to enjoy it. This is something that can all depend on who they are with, or on what someone else is going through. At the same time, one could find that they are only able to reach a certain level in life, and that the level they reach depends on people who are in their life at any given moment. In fact, this could set one up to believe that the only way they can stop themselves from sabotaging their life is to spend time with people who are doing well; that way they will have no reason to hold themselves back. Happiness Yet even if this was to take place, they are still going to be the whim of other people’s moods and emotions. What this comes down to is that just because someone is successful, it doesn’t mean that they will always be happy. They are bound to have ups and downs like everyone else, and this could then stop one from being able to move forward. Their focus will be on doing what they can to make sure they don’t upset anyone. An Effect One way of looking at this would be to say that one’s’ life will be nothing more than an effect of what is taking place in their environment. Their true-self will rarely see the light of day and this means that most people won’t know who they are The people that they spend their time with could pick up on this, or they could be too concerned with their own needs. As when someone ignores their own needs, they are often going attract people who are self-absorbed. Health Problems Not only can this mean that one takes on other peoples emotional states and sabotages their own success, it can also affect their health. For example, they could be in the company of someone who is unwell and before they know it, they end up feeling the same way. What this will show is that it is not just what is taking place at a mental and emotional level that is being defined by others; it is also what is taking place at a biological level. Therefore, while they are physically separate, it can be as if they are nothing more than an extension of others. Destructive Empathy It is then not that one finds it hard to put themselves in other people’s shoes; it is that they spend far too much time doing so. Also, they don’t just allow themselves to experience what other people are going through; they end up taking on their problems. A Deeper Look What this is likely to show is that although one is physically separate from others, they don’t feel as though it is safe for them to exist. Energetically they are likely to be wide open and they can feel emotionally exposed, and unless this changes they will continue to take on what doesn’t belong to them. It is then not simply going to be about one learning to say ‘no’ or changing their behaviour, for instance, as it will be far more complex than this. The reason they are experiencing life in this way can be down to what their childhood was like. Early Years During their formative years, one may have been brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, and this would have caused them to be violated in a number of ways. This could have been someone who was emotionally unstable, for instance, and this could have meant that one would have felt like they were walking on eggshells. Thus, through being walked over and being around someone who was so unpredictable, they didn’t get the care that they need to feel safe in their body and to individuate. Tuning into their caregivers emotional state would have been matter of life or death. Awareness It is then going to very important for them to get the assistance that they need to develop boundaries, and this can be provided by a therapist. One could be carrying trauma and they could also be emotionally undeveloped.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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