There has been times in my life when I have been asked if I was happy, and this has often been followed by me feeling somewhat perplexed. When I have been asked this, part of me has felt as though I should say yes, while another part of me hasn’t wanted to say anything.
The reason for this is that I don’t aspire to be happy, far from it; that’s not to say that I do everything I can to be unhappy, though. For me, the purpose of life is to live a fulfilling life – that’s what matters. Meaning As time has gone by, this is something that I have said when I had been asked this question. And if I am asked if my life is fulfilling, after I have said this, I will usually go into the areas of my life that are fulfilling. For example, once I have finished writing an article, I usually feel happy. The reason for this is that I will have done something that is deeply meaningful to me - I will have fulfilled a number of needs. Two Types of Happiness Soon after this my mood will probably drop, but that doesn’t mean that I will go from one extreme to the other. I will return to the middle ground or the middle of the emotional spectrum. This type of happiness is then what is called value-based happiness, as opposed to sensation-based happiness. The first type of happiness will be the result of me doing something that matters to me and second type of happiness will be the result of me taking something or having a pleasurable experience. Way Back Before I started writing, I was more inclined to seek out certain experiences or to consume things that would allow me to feel good. The perfect example of this was when I would go out for the night and get drunk. During this time I would feel great and I wouldn’t want it to end, but this experience wouldn’t last and I would often wake up feeling rough. I soon came to see that the cons outweighed the pros. Beyond Happiness I think it might have been through reading books by Osho that I came to see how futile it is to want to be happy. In some his books he talks about how pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. Pain follows pleasure in the same way that night follows day. Not only this, the more we want something the harder it is to attain it; therefore, if we set out to be happy, we are likely to experience more of the things we are trying to run away from. Avoidance It was also around this time that I came to see that if wanted to be happy, it was usually because I was trying to avoid something. This may have meant that I was in pain, or it could have come down to how I perceived something. Once I had worked through how I felt or changed my perspective, the need to experience life differently often disappeared. I remember speaking to a therapist called, Vijay Rana, about this, and he said that to him, being happy was all about knowing that he could handle whatever like threw at him. This is all about being resilient. A Unique Outlook While this is not necessarily going to mean that he will always have a smile on his face, what it will probably do is give him a sense of belief and allow him to let go and to trust that he will be ok, no matter what. When he said this, I thought that this was a good way to be. Instead of trying to chase something that can’t be caught, he was more interested in being present; along with doing the work that he found fulfilling. Final Thoughts Coming back to what I said at the beginning, I think the reason why I felt the need to say yes came down to me needing approval, and saying yes was seen as a way for me to fulfil that need. I also feared that if I said no, I would have to talk about why that was. This would have caused me to experience anxiety and shame, and that was the last thing that I wanted to experience. Over time, I have come to see that being happy is a by-product of having a life that is fulfilling.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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On the one hand, there is going to be how someone behaves and, on the other; there is going to be how someone feels on the inside. At times, what is taking place within them will be expressed through how they behave.
An Authentic Human Being In this case, one is generally not going to put on an act around others. Ultimately, one is going to be in touch with their true-self, with this being made up by their needs, feelings and preferences. So, when they are around others, there will be no need for them to spend a lot of time thinking about what or what isn’t an acceptable way to behave. They can pay attention to what is going on within them - along with being aware of what is going on around them - and one can then decide how they will behave. The Present Moment Through being in touch with their inner world and having the ability to express who they are, it is going to allow them to save a lot of energy. Along with this, it will also stop them from having to experience too much pressure. The reason for this is that one won’t have to spend an endless amount of time going over how they will behave around people, which is likely reduce the amount of stress that they experience. One is then bound to come into contact with people who can sense how authentic they are. A Match When another person does appreciate them for being this way, it could show that they are also in touch with their true-self and feel comfortable enough to reveal who they are to others. Then again, it might be a sign that this person wants to experience life in this way. As a result of this, this person might be aware of who they are but they could find it hard to reveal who they are when they are around others. And, if one is an authentic human being, they are going to be drawn to people who are the same. Intimacy The ability that one has to connect to each part of their own being will be what allows them to deeply connect to other people. Talking about what they have done each day or what they want to achieve, for instance, is not going to be as far as it will go. They will have the need to go much deeper and, this will include talking about how they feel about certain things, looking deeply into life, and their questioning their own motives, amongst other things. One might have been this way for as long as they can remember, or they might not have been this way for very long. A Different Experience At other times, what is taking place within someone won’t be expressed through how they behave. How one comes across is then going to be radically different to what is taking place within them. What this is likely to mean is that one is generally out of touch with their true needs and feelings. This is then why they are able to behave in a way that goes against how they feel at a deeper level. A Strong Shell When something like this takes place, someone can come across as strong and create the impression that they have it all together. This may mean that they also have a muscular physique, with this being another way for them to create this impression in others. Due to how they come across, there could be a number of people who describe them as being “charismatic”. These people could see them as some kind of role model and inspire to be like them. Another Area If this is the case, it could also mean that one has a very successful career. One is then not going to be short of money or have the kind of possessions that are often said to be what someone has if they have ‘made it’. Nevertheless, while this person can appear to be incredible strong, there is likely to be one area that will give them away, so to speak. If someone was to take a closer look at what their relationships are like, they may soon realise what something isn’t right. A Shallow Experience But as one is generally going to be out of touch with their true feelings, this is to be expected. One is then likely to have relationships with others that are surface level and if they do end up in an ‘intimate’ relationship, the other person could be needy and emotionally unstable. The Mirror Other people could then question how someone so strong could end up with someone who is so weak. Then again, this could be put down to the fact that ‘opposites attract’. Yet, if these people were aware of what was taking place within this person at a deeper level, they might realise that this person’s partner is expressing that which one has repressed. The neediness and emotionally instability one person shows is simply a reflection of what the other person has disconnected from. Self-Protection Taking this into account, the reason one has created such a hard shell around them is because they feel so vulnerable on the inside. And there is a strong chance that this shell was created at a very young age, an age where this was the only thing that they could do to protect themselves. At this stage in their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse. There would then have been the fear, terror and anxiety that they went through, and there would have been all of the shame that they experienced. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This can be a time when they will be working through layers of trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Due to what has been taking place in Hollywood recently, a lot has been said about the people who were involved. It hasn’t stopped there, though, as there are also people who have taken a completely different approach.
One Focus When this happens, someone can say that this shows what men are like and how destructive their sexual nature is. And if someone was to say this, there is a strong chance that they will describe themselves as a “feminist”. This could mean that they are a woman, but then again, this could something that a man will come out with. If this is a man, he could see himself as someone who cares about women; whereas there are going to be others who say that this person doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin. Sexism and Misandry The actions of a few men are going to be seen as a reflection of what all men are like, and this person is then going to give all the reasons as to why this is the case. It is highly likely that this person will lean to the left side of the political spectrum. The irony is that someone like this is likely to talk about how bad sexism is and yet, they will fail to see how their behaviour is a textbook example of what it means to be sexist. With this in mind, this is also the perfect example of someone who lacks self-awareness and the ability to reflect. The Pot Calling The Kettle Black In addition to what someone like this will say about sexism, they are bound to talk about misogyny and internalised misogyny. But while this is on their mind, they are clearly oblivious to their own misandry and internalised misandry. The fact that people are allowed to have these kinds of views printed in the mainstream media shows how men are not given the same amount of respect as women. If someone wrote an article saying that all women are bad and that their sexuality is destructive, would it be printed? No Chance However, when someone says the same thing about men, there appears to be absolutely no resistance. Taking this into account, one has to wonder if the people who say that sexism is a bad thing truly believe this. Based on how these types of people behave, it creates the impression that they believe that sexism is only bad when it is against one gender. What this would then show is that they only have a problem with discrimination when it is against women, not men. Total Hypocrisy On the surface, then, they can create the impression that they are moral human beings who care about social justice, when in reality they are immoral and only care about their own interests. The mask that someone like this presents to the world is going to be nothing like who they really like. Ultimately, when someone says that the actions of the few represent the many, it is an example of what takes place when they don’t use their brain. It is a form of black and white thinking, and doesn’t require any effort whatsoever. The Problem It could be said that the reason why men can be bashed in this way is because of how they have been portrayed for so long. Along with this, men are often seen as being ‘privileged’ and having all the power. As a result of this, it is easy for someone to treat men badly and then for them to believe that their behaviour was justified. This is similar to how someone can steal something from someone who has a lot of money and not feel bad about it. Ideologically Blind But even though this person has a lot of money, one is still taking something that doesn’t belong to them. So, if men have it so easy, it is only fair that they are brought down to size. Therefore, the idea that these people have of men makes it impossible for them to realise that not all men are the same. And while men can behave in destructive ways, so can women; this is not something that is limited to one gender. Avoidance One way of looking at this would be to say that if a woman has issues when it comes to men or if a man has issues when it comes to his own gender, there is no reason for them to seek help. The only thing that they need to do is join a collectivist movement and to project their issues onto others. What has happened in their life is then not their responsibility; it is simply of reflection of what all men are like. Perhaps someone like this has got some kind of personality disorder, who knows. All Men Are the Same When it comes to the kind of experiences that someone has in life, they are not simply observers of what has taken place. Considering this, if a woman is used to coming into contact with men who are abusive, for instance, it doesn’t prove that all men are the same - what it is likely to show is that she has the tendency to attract abusive men It will then be essential for her to look into what is taking place within her as this will allow her to realise why she is drawn to these kinds of men. Perhaps she had an abusive childhood, which would have caused her to feel comfortable with this type of behaviour. Conclusion It is far easier for someone to blame other people for for what is going on in their life than it is for them to look in the mirror and to look into what part they are playing in what keeps showing up. Instead of changing their own life by taking responsibility, they will try to change their life by controlling others. If one truly wants to make a difference in the world and doesn’t just want to control other people, one of the best things that they can do will be to own their own pain and then to work through this pain. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Can A Child's Need For Approval Make Them Want To Change Their Gender?22/12/2017
For a number of years now, a lot has been said about adults and children who don’t feel comfortable with their gender. And what can define what something thinks about all this can be their age.
A Different World If someone is at the beginning of their life, for instance, they might not have a lot to say about all this. The reason for this is that they may have heard a lot about this whilst they were at school or university. As a result, this is not going to be something that they find strange; it could just be seen as a normal part of life. Alternatively, if one has been on this planet for quite some time, they might find it hard to understand what is going on. Completely Confused One could wonder what is going on for someone who isn’t comfortable with their gender, seeing this as a sign that this person is lost. This might be as far as they go, or they could have the desire to find out more about this. Having said that, it is not always going to be this black and white. There are bound to be people who have grown up with this who can’t get their head around it, and for people who haven’t who don’t have issue with this. Two Experiences With that aside, the kind of experience a child has, when they are not comfortable with their gender, is likely to be different to the experience that an adult has. For one thing, an adult is going to have more control over their life. In addition to this, they are typically going to have a better understanding of themselves. Taking this into account, if an adult is not comfortable with their gender it could be said that they need to do something about it. A Big Decision However, if someone wanted to change their appearance, it is going to be important for them to make sure that they truly want to take this step. Taking this step will be similar to taking a one way trip to mars – there will be no going back. This could then be a time when one will need to work with a therapist to explore the reasons as to why they want to do this. One may find that they no longer want to go through with this process afterwards, or it might not have much of an effect on them. An Important Process But even if one doesn’t change their mind, at least they will have taken the time to make sure this is the right step for them to take. If they were to work with a therapist and came to decide that they no longer want to go through this with process, they may have found out why they were experiencing so much conflict when they compared what was taking place within them, with how they looked in the mirror. One of the things that may have had an effect could have been what they experienced as a child. They might not have had a positive relationship with their mother or father, for instance. A Very Different Experience If a child, on the other hand, has a problem with their gender, there is only going to be so much that they can do. In order for anything to take place, they will probably need their caregiver/s support. Nevertheless, there is the chance that their caregiver/s is right behind them, meaning that this is not something that the child will have to worry about. And as far as their caregiver/s is concerned, there might not be anything wrong with their child. Stepping Back Yet, just because their caregiver/s is on board with what their child is going through, it doesn’t mean that their child should simply go ahead and have a sex change, for instance. Firstly, one has to wonder if there has ever been a child on this planet who has felt comfortable with their gender. Secondly, there is a strong chance that this child has the need to please their caregiver/s. Thus, if one or both of their caregivers has asked their child if they feel comfortable being a boy or a girl and they have given off the impression that they shouldn’t be, then it is not going to be a surprise for the child to go along with this. A Number of Influences What can also play a part is if the child has been asked this question whilst they were at school or during a hospital appointment, for example. Children are very good at reading people, so it is not going to take a lot for them get a sense of what they should or shouldn’t say. Along with this, a child could have at least one caregiver who is more concerned about their own needs than their child’s needs. Subsequently, if this caregiver has the need to look good or is a ‘narcissist’, they might encourage their child to change their gender so that they can look good or ‘progressive’. Child Abuse The fact that the child’s brain is still developing and that they are not in a position to know what is or what isn’t right for them at this stage in their life is going to be overlooked. Their caregiver is going to be too caught up with their own needs to be able truly connect to their child or to realise this it is not abnormal for someone to be confused at this age. But as today’s society actively encourages children to change their gender, there is going to be no reason for a caregiver like this to change their behaviour. Instead of seeing the caregiver as someone who is out of touch with reality, they can be seen as an example to follow. Conclusion Ultimately, it is a caregiver’s responsibility to protect their child, and this involves making rational decisions. Giving a young child the ability to change their appearance before they are even old enough to think about the consequences of their actions is completely irresponsible. If young children are being asked if they are comfortable with their gender - at a time when they are extremely suggestible - is it really a surprise that so many children have said that they are not? When someone thinks about child abuse, they can think about physical abuse or neglect, but what they probably won’t think about is when a caregiver encourages their child to have a sex change or simple stands by and lets it happen – this can be seen as another form of neglect, or a sign that a caregiver is giving their child too much control. Perhaps the reason why children are being asked this question is due to the fact that they are so vulnerable, and this is then the best age group to target. It has been said that the people behind the scenes want to create an androgynous society - everyone will then be the same, making them easier to control.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that whenever one spends time around others, they are going to be seen. Therefore, the only way for one to not be seen by others will be for them to spend time by themselves.
Black and White This is then something that is not hard to understand; in fact, it is perfectly clear. With this in mind, if one doesn’t want to be seen by others, it is going to mean that they will have to isolate themselves from the world. On the other hand, if one does want to be seen by others, they will simply need to make sure that they spend time around people. To understand this, there is going to be no need for one to use a lot of brain power. Hidden In Plain Sight Nevertheless, although this might seem to be the case, there is far more to this than meets the eye. What this comes down to is that someone doesn’t need to isolate themselves in order to hide. The only thing that they need to do is to spend time around others but to make sure that other people don’t see them. When this takes place, one is not going to want to draw attention to themselves. Three Parts There can be the kind of clothes they wear, their body language, and what their energy is like. Each one of these elements will have a part to play, and one might not even have to think about any of them. One could have been this way for so long that it is no longer necessary for them to consciously think about what they need to do to hide. When it comes to their clothes, they may typically wear dark colours. Invisible Wearing grey or black, for instance, can allow them to fade into the background. They could often have closed body language, giving off the message that they don’t want to be approached, and they may also find it hard to maintain eye contact. Energetically, it could be as though they are somewhere else, and this is because they may find it hard to embrace the present moment. Most of their attention could be in their mind, or it might even seem as though it is somewhere else entirely. A Number of Things It is then not just one thing that will allow this person to merge into the background; it is a combination of things. What this illustrates is that being noticed is not just about being around others. And even though someone like this has the need to hide, it doesn’t mean that every part of them is on board with this. Another part of them will probably have the need to be seen, but this is likely to be overshadowed by their need to hide. Inner Conflict Part of them is going to be in control, and this is going to cause them to experience a certain amount of pain. The part of them that wants to be seen could be described as their true-self. This is the part of them that relates to their true needs and feelings; whereas their false-self relates to a role that they play to survive. Playing this role will allow them to ‘fit in’, yet what it won’t do is allow them to live a life that is worth living. Another Area Consequently, their relationships are unlikely to be very fulfilling – how could they be if one doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be seen? They are likely to play a role when they are around their friends, thereby ignoring their true needs and feelings. One could be drawn to people who are comfortable with attention, making it easy for them to stay in the shadows. These people might treat them reasonably well, or they could have the tendency to abuse them in some way. A Closer Look Although behaving in this way is having a negative effect on their life, it is going to be what feels safe. So, if they were to change their behaviour, they could end up experiencing fear, anxiety, and shame, amongst other things. It can be hard to understand why someone would experience so much fear; especially when having the need to be seen is part of being human. What this is likely to show is that there was time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to express themselves. More Than Once At the same time, they may have had a number of moments in their life when it wasn’t safe enough for them to assert themselves. If this relates to what happened when they were younger, this may have been what it was like day after day, year after year. This may have been a time when they were physically abused, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of trauma. Being seen would have been associated as something that would put their life at risk. Perfectly Normal It is not going to matter how many years have passed since that time in their life, as what took place all those years ago will continue to define how their perceive the world and how they behave. Taking this into account, it might seem as though the best approach is for this person to change their thoughts and behaviour. A behavioural therapy type approach is then the key to one being able to reveal their true-self. This might work, but then again, it might not have much of an effect on their behaviour. Awareness A more direct approach would be for one to deal with the trauma that is within them and then their view of the world and behaviour will change naturally. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it became clear that I felt the need to be loyal to my father, towards the end of 2015, and that this was holding me back, I knew that I needed to do something else. The emotional processing work that I was doing at this time wasn’t having much of an impact on this issue.
The Wrong Tool In a way, it was like trying to cut a cord with a toothbrush - I needed to find another approach. Fortunately, the therapist who I was working with could relate to my experience, which meant that he recommended something he thought might help. He said that I should try something called ‘family constellation’, and that this was a great way to deal with this type of issue. Shortly after this session, I ended up looking for someone to work with. A Few Setbacks This therapist had recommended someone who ran workshops, so I looked into when the next course would be. I soon found out that it would be a while until the next one and I wasn’t prepared to wait. I ended up finding someone who was able to offer this type of therapy over Skype, but at the last minute they cancelled. Working with someone over Skype appealed to me as I wouldn’t have to spend minutes or even hours getting somewhere. It Soon Worked Out It wasn’t long before I came across someone else, and this meant that I could find out what this type of therapy was all about. I was amazed that something like this could be done over the internet and that I didn’t need to be in the therapist’s presence. At this time in my life, I felt weighed down and I wanted this to change. To my surprise, I started to feel lighter after I had my first session, and it wasn’t long before I booked another one. A Mixed Experience Although this was someone who was very ‘tuned in’, there were a number of things that made me wonder what was going on. As far as I was concerned, being highly intuitive didn’t mean that someone was always right or that they knew everything. There was a moment when I spoke about the abuse and neglect that I experienced as a child and I was told that there were people who had it worse. I thought that this could be said no matter what has happened to someone in life; everything is relative, after all. Invalidated However, as I was in a lot of pain and suffered immensely during this life in my life, this wasn’t what I wanted to hear. It was as if this person believed that once I had heard this, I would start to feel better. I experienced shame and then I felt angry, and this resulted in me feeling let down. What I needed at this time in my life was for my experiences to be validated and not to have someone minimise and dismiss what I had gone through. A One-Off I soon came to see that it wasn’t in my best interest to continue to work with this person. Thankfully, this was only the second time that I have experienced anything like this. I can look back on the people who I have worked with and say that most of them were understanding and supportive. There is no reason why anyone should put up with a therapist who invalidates, minimised or dismisses what they have gone though and/or what they are going through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Development: Can Someone Get Into Self-Development To Fulfil Their Unmet Childhood Needs?21/12/2017
Although someone can be aware of why they are doing something, they can also be completely out of touch with this reason. However, even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this.
Two Levels One can have a clear idea as to why they want to do something, and this could match up with what is taking place at a deeper level. Their mind and body are then going to be working together. At the same time, one could have clear idea in their mind as to why they are doing something, but that doesn’t mean that what is going on at this level has anything to do with what is going on in their body. Their mind will then have constructed a story that has very little, if anything, to do with their true motive/s. The Next Step Either way, one could end up being drawn to self-development, with this being seen as a way for them to move towards their goal/s. Now, if one is in tune with their body, they are likely to enjoy this process. On the other hand, if one is out of touch with their true feelings, they could be more concerned with getting to the finish line, so to speak. This difference might seem inconsequential, but it can reveal a lot about someone’s true needs. A Different Experience When one wants to achieve something that is in alignment with their true needs, they are likely to enjoy the process. What they have to do to achieve something is not merely a means to an end; it is likely to be something that is deeply fulfilling. This will allow one to embrace the present moment, instead of spending most of their time thinking about how good their life will be in the future. Yet, when what one wants to achieve is not in alignment with their true needs, what they do can simply be means to an end. Two Extremes This can then be a time in their life when they feel frustrated by what they need to do to move forward, meaning that this time in their is unlikely to be very fulfilling. The last thing they can want to do during this time is to embrace the present moment. So, the sooner they are able to achieve their goal/s, the better their life will be. If one does achieve what they want to achieve, they may find that it doesn’t have the impact on their life that they expected it to have. Around In Circles One could then take a step back and look into why this is, or they could find something else to achieve. This time it might be different, but then again, it could be no different to what happened before. What can play a part here is that a lot of self-development books and courses are all about taking action and achievement. Therefore, if one is out of touch with the real reasons as to why they want to achieve something, there is going to be no reason for them to find out. A Closer Look If one was to touch with what is taking place in their body, they may see what is behind their need to achieve something. The reason for this is that this is where their unmet childhood needs are going to be found. It is not going to matter how old they are as these unmet needs still going to have a big effect on their behaviour. This is going to relate to a time in their life when they desperately needed to be heard, seen, valued, loved and affirmed, amongst other things. A Spectrum It could be said that there will have been moments in every adults childhood when they didn’t get their needs met. Having said that, there are going to be people who experienced a lot in pain at this time in their life. And what may have stopped one from getting their development needs meet could have been abuse and/or neglect. One may have gradually disconnected from these unmet needs as the years went by, but they will have continued to affect their behaviour. Success For example, if one was verbally abused as a child it may have caused them to feel worthless, and this can give them the desire to be extremely successful. Unconsciously, this can be seen as a way for them to receive the love and the affirmation that they didn’t receive as a child. Alternatively, they might want to be someone who is likable and popular, with this also being a way for them to receive the love and attention they didn’t receive as a child. There are countless ways in which one can try to fulfil these needs. The Illusion When one is unaware of what is going on and their life is being controlled by these unmet needs, it is not going to be possible for them to see how futile this is. That is not to say that they won’t suffer through by trying to do this, as this is likely to cause them to experience a lot of pain. Ultimately, one is not going to be able to fulfil these needs directly – that time has been and gone. Yet, if this pain was no longer within them, they would no longer have the need to fulfil these needs. Awareness One would then be able to realise that they are already whole and complete, and they would be in touch with their inherent value. Through feeling this way, it would enable them to fulfil their true needs, This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is not uncommon for the word ‘projection’ to be heard when it comes to the world of self-development and psychology. Yet even if one doesn’t spend time reading books on these areas, they might still have heard about this word on more than one occasion.
A Negative Occurrence And if one was to think about this word for a few moments, they might start to think about how this is something that takes place when someone doesn’t take responsibility for what is taking place within them. This is then not going to relate to something that is positive. When this happens, one person is going to hold another person accountable for something that has got absolutely nothing to do with them. This could create unnecessary drama or, it could cause a relationship to come to an end. One Example Let’s say that one person is having an affair and, instead of being able to tell their partner about what is going on, they end up accusing their partner of having an affair. Their partner is likely to feel confused and even hurt. The next step might be for them to find out what is going on - to see why they are being accused of this. Alternatively, they could end up feeling guilty and ashamed, thereby accepting their partner’s accusation. Why Is This? Now, what this could show is that not only is one having an affair, but that their partner is also having one. Then again, this might simply show that this person just carries a lot of guilt and shame and so it doesn’t take much for them to feel guilty and ashamed. Through being this way, someone like this can feel guilty and ashamed whenever anything goes wrong. If they do respond in this manner, there is going to be no reason for one to face up to the fact that they are the only ones who should be feeling guilty and ashamed. Another Example Not only can one accuse another person of doing something that they are doing, they can also displace their own feelings onto them. One could then be a very angry person but, through being unable to come to terms with this; they end up accusing other people of having anger problems. This could be something that takes place whenever someone gets angry about something. Or, one could carry a lot of shame and feel worthless, which can then set them up to tell people how worthless they are, for instance. Two Outcomes If one behaves in this manner, they may have people in their life who don’t value themselves. The reason for this is that if someone does value themselves, they are unlikely to put up with this behaviour. However, if one is unable to take a step back and to realise what is going on, their life is bound to get worse. Having said all this, it could be said that just about every human being projects their reality onto others. A Big Difference Nevertheless, when one sees their issues in others and doesn’t take the time to work through what keeps showing up, it is going to stop them from being able to grow and develop. When one behaves in this manner, it can be a sign that they lack boundaries. This will stop them from being able to realise where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Ultimately, one won’t be able to see what belongs to them and what doesn’t. The Other Side This is not the only type of projection that can take place, though, as one can also project their ‘good’ traits onto other. When this takes place, one can have the propensity to see the best in others. One can see themselves as someone who is trustworthy, has good intentions and is honest, for instance, and this can then be how they see others. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is a great way to be; after all, the world is our mirror. Out of Touch There is the chance that being this way will allow them to have plenty of good experiences in the world. They could generally be described as someone who is happy, good-natured, and idealistic. The trouble with being this way is that one is also going to be out of touch with reality; in the same way that someone will be when they project their ‘bad’ traits onto others. It would then be inaccurate to say that one is good and the other is bad as they will both lead to problems. A Fantasy World For one thing, it could be said that someone would need to be incredibly naive to be this way. The way they view the world is going to be similar to how young child might view the world. Perhaps they haven’t developed the ability to think rationally, which can show that they are emotionally undeveloped. Instead of coming to terms with the fact that the world is made up of both ‘good’ and ‘bad’, they will only be able to accept one side of the continuum. For Example One may have ended up in a number of abusive relationships, due to being unable to recognise that these people were abusive. They may also be used to being taken advantage of. And if they were to go on holiday, they might end up going to the wrong places and staying out when it isn’t safe to be out. As far as they are concerned, everyone will be the same and everywhere will be safe. Awareness If this person was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that seeing the best in others has been a way for them to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. They may have had a number of bad experiences and, as a way to avoid how they felt, it set them up to go to the other extreme and to believe that everyone is just like them. So, if one wants to change their life, they will probably need to work through this pain and to develop boundaries. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Can A Weak Sense Of Self Cause Someone To Be Drawn To A Political Movement?19/12/2017
If someone is at university, or has been to one in the past, they could be part of some kind of movement. When it comes to someone who is still studying, they may be part of at least one society.
A Big Interest This could be something that is a big part of their life, which could mean that it will have an effect on just about everything they do. Yet, even if someone is not studying at this point in time, it might not be any different. For example, one might describe themselves as “feminist” or they may say that they are against capitalism. Ultimately, there are all kinds of causes out there, and one may even be part of more than one. A Wider Demographic It wouldn’t be accurate, though, to say that someone needs to be a student or to have been one in the past in order for them to get behind something. Still, perhaps the reason why someone like this is more likely to be part of a movement is due to the kind of information they are exposed to in this type of environment. If one is at university, for instance, part of their course may involve learning about history, or what has happened to a certain group of people in the past. But if this isn’t part of their course, there may be other times when they learn about this kind of stuff. Critical Thinking When they are being taught about something like this, their lecturer might not act as though they know everything or that everything they say is the truth. As a result of this, they may be encouraged to question what they are told. What this will then do is allow someone to develop their ability to think for themselves or for them to sharpen their ability to think for themselves. This could be seen as one of the reasons why someone would go to university in the first place. An Individual If they were to simply sit in front of a lecturer and accept everything they were told, they may as well get rid of their own brain. One would be acting as though they are an extension of the lecturer. Instead of coming to their own conclusions, their views would have been given to them by someone else. This is going to stop them from being able to expand their mind, and what makes this even worse is that they will probably be paying for this. One Direction In an ideal world, this would be something that wouldn’t happen in an academic institution. However, while this is the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is what always takes place. The lecturer is then going to act as though they have all the answers and there is going to be no reason for one to use their brain. One could question what is going on or they might just go along with this. An Ulterior Motive It would then be clear that one is in classroom and that there is someone in front of them to teach them, but that would be about as far as it will go. After taking a closer look, it might be more accurate to say that this lecturer is only interested in indoctrinating them. For one reason or another, this person will believe that their views are the right views, and this is why they don’t need to encourage any kind of critical analysis of the subject matter. In reality, this person is likely to have a superiority complex and to be somewhat deluded. Two Outcomes If one is at university and this is what generally takes place, they can either surrender their own sovereignty or they can question what they are told. When it comes to the former, one could end up being part of a movement for the wrong reason. The reason for this is what they won’t have taken the time to find out what this movement is all about and if what they are told by this movement actually matches up with reality. On the other hand, when it relates to the latter, there is a greater chance of one being part of a movement for the right reason. A Number of Factors If someone has just left school or college, for instance, it can be a lot easier for them to be deceived. Firstly, their brain is still going be developing, secondly, they are not likely to have had a lot of real world experience and, thirdly, they might not have a strong sense of themselves. With this in mind, in doesn’t take much effort to realise how intellectually vulnerable someone can be at this age. Taking this into account, if the powers that be wanted to control people, it would be in their best interest to make sure that just about everyone can go to university when they finish school or college – this time in their life would then be a continuation of what happened to them whilst they were at school. A Deeper Look At the same time, someone could be a lot older than this and still lack a strong sense of themselves. And when someone doesn’t have a strong sense of self, it is going to make it hard for them to feel empowered and to live a fulfilling life. They are likely to be emotionally unstable, which can cause them to feel vulnerable and exposed. Also, one can then have a strong need for approval; they can feel powerless and worthless; and they can feel empty and as though they don’t belong. A Natural Attraction When someone experiences life in this way, they are naturally going to want to feel different and, if they can join a movement that will allow this to take place, why wouldn’t they? The trouble is that if one is feeling very needy and emotional, the last thing they are likely to be able to do is to think critically. Subsequently, they can end up joining a movement due to how it makes them feel, as opposed to what this group actually stands for. One could then be asked why they support a certain movement, but they probably won’t be able to give them a valid reason. Conclusion What this demonstrates is how much of an affect someone’s emotions can have on their behaviour. And if someone is in a bad way emotionally, it is going to be a challenge for them to behave in a rational manner. On the surface, it can seem as though someone like this a moral human being who stands for something important, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, there have been a number of surprising results in the political realm, and this is often put down to the fact that there is a ‘silent majority’. At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that everyone was taken aback by these results.
The Difference What this comes down to is that there were people who strongly believed that Trump would win or that Brexit would take place, for instance. One way of looking at this would be to say that what they believed would happen just happened to occur. Another way of looking at this would be to say the reason these people believed this was because of the information that they were exposed to. The news source that they paid attention to was likely to have played a big part. Two Extremes The alternative media generally believed that Trump would win and that Brexit would take place; whereas the mainstream media largely believed that the opposite would take place. Therefore, through paying attention to the alternative media, someone could have ended up with a completely different outlook to the person who only paid attention to the mainstream media. So, while both of these news sources were reporting on the same thing in both cases, it was as if they were reporting on something completely different. What someone saw on social media during this time may also have played a part in what they believed would happen. The General Theme If someone spent time looking through their news feed around this time, they may have come across a lot of articles and comments that were in support of Hillary or staying in the European Union. They may have come across posts and comments that were in favour of Trump or leaving the European Union, but this might have been something that rarely occurred. Based on this information alone, there would have been no reason for them to believe that Trump would win or that Brexit would actually happen. Along with this, it was probably the same when they were around people in the real world. No Different One may have typically heard people talk about how they wanted Hillary to win or that they wanted to stay in the European Union. Their friends and family may have also have had same outlook. Ergo, if one only paid attention to the mainstream media, what they saw on social media, and what other people were saying offline, it would be perfectly normal for them to have believed that the opposite of what took place would have taken place. However, even though their friends and family were just sharing their views, one would have thought that the mainstream media would have got it right. Out of Touch After all, this is supposed to be the source that is in tune with what is taking place in the world. Yet, as the mainstream media is run by human beings, it could be said that it is bound to make mistakes from time to time But while some people are going to accept this explanation; it is not going to be good enough for everyone. There are going to be others who believe that this source of information had an agenda in both cases, and this is why they go it wrong. Propaganda Their main priority would then have been to encourage people to vote for Hillary or to make sure that Britain didn’t leave the European Union. With this in mind, there would have been no need for them to report on what was actually going on. In addition to this, the person or view that this source promoted would have played a part in who was seen as the ‘right’ person to vote for or what option was seen as the ‘right’ option. There is no denying how much control this source of information has on what so many people believe. The General Outlook And if someone wanted Hillary to win or for Britain to stay in the European Union, there would have been no need for them to keep this to themselves. Voting for this candidate or this option was seen as the right thing to do – the kind of thing that someone would do if they were an intelligent human being, for instance. On the other hand, if someone wanted Trump to win or wanted Britain to leave the European Union, it would have been normal for them to keep their views to themselves, or to only tell a few people. Voting for this candidate or voting for this option would have caused them to receive a lot of negative feedback from so many of their fellow human beings. Slander Ultimately, this was seen as something that was black and white by a lot of people, and so it was a lot safer for someone to keep their views to themselves, if they had the ‘wrong’ view that is. In general, it wasn’t possible someone like this to talk openly about their views and to have a healthy debate. If they had opened up, there is the chance that they would have been labelled with a word (or a number of words) that had ist at the end and/or they may have been told that they had some kind of phobia - it doesn’t end there though. Opening up may have caused them to lose their friends, their job, and they might even have had a visit from the police. Conclusion With so much at stake, they would have done the right thing by keeping their views to themselves. By doing this, it would have stopped them from experiencing unnecessary drama and, when the time came, they would have spoken when it mattered. Still, what this shows is how bad things have become when it comes to free speech, and how it is a big risk for someone to say anything that goes against what is seen as being acceptable. As we can see, one of the outcomes is that certain people will keep their views to themselves - but what effect will this have on the world as time goes by?
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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