The Media: Does The Mainstream Media Use Pictures Of Children And Animals To Manipulate People?17/12/2017
If someone has the tendency to buy a newspaper, they will have probably seen a picture of a child on the front cover at least once. And even if one simply looks at the front covers of newspapers and doesn’t buy them, they may also have had the same experience.
Just a Picture There is the chance that one hasn’t really thought about this before but, even if they have, it might not have had much of an effect on them. As far as they are concerned, this might not be any different to having a picture of a celebrity on the front, for instance. If this is the case, it could show that seeing a picture of the front page of a paper is something they have become accustomed to. Perhaps the children that they have seen have still been alive. Drawn In Conversely, one may remember seeing a child on the front and experiencing an emotional reaction soon after. This could have been a child who appeared to be happy, or it could have been a child who was no longer alive. If they saw a child who was no longer alive, it is not going to be much of a surprise for them to have reacted in this way. At first they may have felt sad and, soon after, they could have been consumed by anger. One Step Further Once they settled down, they might have forgotten all about what they saw, meaning that they wouldn’t have felt the need to do anything else. Even so, seeing this dead child may have had a big effect on what they believe. Alternatively, one may have been felt the need to do something about what they saw. Let’s say, for example, that this child was the dead “refugee” that was washed up on a beach in Greece; this may then have given them the desire to donate money and/or to make sure that their government offers to take in more of these “refugees”. An Emotional Reaction Through taking this approach, one wouldn’t have taken the time to step back and to take a closer look into what was going on. Their head would have been put to one side and their heart would have taken over. Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that this is the right way to behave; especially as a young child had died. Surely, if one didn’t behave in this manner they would be a cold-hearted human being. Another Point Of View However, what this presupposes is that the mainstream media is only interested in informing people and doesn’t have an ulterior motive. If someone was to believe this, they would have to be incredibly naive. What if the mainstream media only used this picture – as well as others – in order to elicit a certain response from people? One’s ability to empathise and to experience compassion would then have been used against them. A Closer Look Soon after the picture of this dead child was seen by millions of people around the world, it was said that this child wasn’t a “refugee”. Instead, this child was said to have lived in turkey for a number of years with his family. These people were safe there, but his father wanted a better life in Europe. Thus, if this child along with his family had made it over, they would have been economic migrants as opposed to “refugees”. Two Big Questions It could be said that this is completely irrelevant; what is relevant is the fact that an innocent child has died. Yet, let’s not pretend that this is something that rarely takes place; the reality is that children die every day. With this in mind, why was this child’s life was seen as so important that it had to be front page news? Also, if this child was already in a safe country, why was this child described as a “refugee”? A Hidden Agenda The trouble is that when one is caught up in how they feel, it is going to be a lot easier for the people behind the scenes to manipulate them. These people would have been only too aware of the kind of impact that this image would have on so many people. But through focusing on one image and what the mainstream media says is happening, it makes it a lot harder for someone to be able to see the big picture. The main part of this picture - the part that the mainstream media doesn’t reveal - is then going to be out of sight. Another Example It doesn’t end there, though, as a picture of a polar bear has received a lot of attention recently due to how ill it looked. The picture of this polar bear was said to “show the stark reality of climate change”. This is the kind of image that is likely to have a big effect on just about everyone who sees it. Nevertheless, soon after this image was seen by millions of people, an article on the Polar Bear Science website spoke about how this polar bear could be “starving due to heath issues”. Creating the News As a result of how this picture was presented, it would have been normal for someone to feel angry and guilty after seeing it. But if the polar bear was in a bad way due to the fact that it was ill, the appropriate response may have been to feel angry and sad. After all, it’s not as if a polar bear lives forever. One then has to wonder why the publications that shared this picture didn’t take the time to find out more about the image. This could be because they are not interested in reality; the only thing they are interested in is getting people to buy into their worldview. Conclusion Taking this into account, it might be accurate to say that the child who was washed up on the beach and the starving polar bear – along with the other pictures of children and animals that they have used - are nothing more than a means to an end. The mainstream media simply uses these images to achieve a certain outcome. If one does enough research, they may get a rough idea of what is going on behind the scenes, so to speak. With that aside, there is no denying how important it is for one to question what this source of information comes out with.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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There are people in the world who have the ability to pick up information about others without needing to use their five senses. It is then as though part of them tunes into another person’s field or energy and shortly after this, their conscious mind is aware of this information.
A Good Connection If someone was to utilize this information, it could be said that they have a good connection to this part of themselves. The reason for this is that even though someone has this ability, it doesn’t mean that they will pay attention to this information. Therefore, one person could be in tune with this part of themselves and use the information they have been given, and another person could ignore what is knocking at their door, so to speak. There are likely to be a number of reasons as to why someone would listen and another person wouldn’t. A Number of Factors When someone has a good connection with their body, it is going to be a lot easier for them to do this; whereas if their attention was generally in their head, this wouldn’t be the case. This comes down to the fact that their mind is likely to discount anything that can’t be proven. In this sense, the mind is like a scientist and the body is like a sage – the mind needs to find out, but the body just knows. The kind of messages that someone received whilst they were growing up can also have an impact. Positive Feedback For example, if one shared their insights with their parents when they were growing up and their parents gave them positive feedback, it would have given them the validation that they needed to continue to develop this connection. If, on the other hand, they were criticised or even abused for being this way, this may have stopped them from being able to do this. Through feeling as though there was something wrong with them for being this way, it may have caused them to no longer pay attention to this information. Or, it may have slowed down their development. Another Outlook Having said all this, there are some people who believe that everyone on the planet has this ability. With this in mind, someone is either going to be in tune with this part of themselves or they are not. Nevertheless, there is a big difference between someone who gets the odd insight every now and then and someone who is picking up information more or less all the time. This is the difference between knowing a few words in a foreign language and being able to speak fluently. One Step Further Now, one’s ability to pick up information without putting in any effort could have a big effect on their life. They may find that it allows them to make better decisions and that it generally stops them from ending up with the wrong people. In addition to this, they may offer their services to others, meaning that they could offer readings, for instance. This may be something that they do on a regular basis, or it could happen every now and then. One Experience The connection that one has could then allow them to lead a fulfilling life; one that is filled with strong connections to others and a life that is full of meaning. Along with this connection, they might also have a strong connection to what it taking place within them. One will then be in tune with their own emotions and have a healthy relationship with them. What this will do is make it easier for them to define how they will behave, to feel good about themselves, and to attract people who are emotionally healthy, amongst other things. Another Experience There is also the chance that someone like this lives a life that is full of pain and suffering. One is then going to have the ability to guide others, but their own life is going to be in a mess. It can then be hard to understand why someone like this would experience life in this way. One way of looking at this would be so that while one can be born with this ability, developing self-awareness and healing emotional pain is something that takes time and effort. Diving In One can live on the surface of themselves and not have to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, while being able to pick all kinds of insights. Through carrying all this baggage within them, it is likely to make it hard for them to listen to this guidance. For example, one could sense that the person they have met is not going to be good for them, but they could still end up with them. What is taking place at an emotional level is then going to override this ability, and one is bound to pay the price as time goes by. Conflict What is taking place at an emotional level and what they believe about themselves is going to need to be looked at. Once they start to get in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level and to work through it, it will be a lot easier for them to listen to themselves. Yet as their inner world will have changed, they will know longer attract or be attract to the same people. There will also be the effect this has on their ability to behave as they want to behave. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to say that they need to be with another person in order to feel complete. Yet, even if they don’t say this explicitly, their behaviour could say this implicitly.
Popular Culture When it comes to films, music and TV shows, this is a theme that is often played out in one way or another. Someone is then not a whole human being; they are missing part of themselves. And the part that they need is to be found in another person, which is why they will need to find the right person. At the same time, there is also another dynamic that is common, and this is where someone comes across as though they are needless. One Extreme to the other This person can create the impression that they are their own island and that they don’t need anyone. So, unlike the person who is needy, they will present themselves as being strong and capable. Nevertheless, although this person can appear to be more evolved than the other person, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. In reality, it could be a sign that they feel ashamed of their own needs. A Strong Need With that aside, if someone doesn’t feel whole it is going to be normal for them to look for another person to complete them. Also, this could be seen as the truth as opposed to something that they believe. If they are single, then, a lot of their energy is likely to be directed towards finding someone to be with. From the outside, it could be as if they are a child who has been left by their parents. A Struggle This person might still be able to go to work and function relatively well, but it doesn’t mean that they will be able to perform at their best. Their need to be with someone could still consume their mind. Alternatively, one might not be able to function unless they are with someone. This is likely to give them an even greater need to find someone to be with. Another Experience Conversely, one might do everything they can to make sure that they don’t end up by themselves, when a relationship comes to an end. Thus, even if one is in a relationship, they could have a number of other people on the sidelines. Or, they could start seeing someone else before the relationship they are in comes to end. In general, this will stop them from having to experience too much pain. The One When they meet someone who they are attracted to, the experience they have could be similar to how a child feels when one of their parents appear (that is if this parent treats the child well, of course). Up until this point they may have felt empty, but now they will probably feel complete. What will play a big part here will be brain chemicals that are released during this time, with these chemicals making them feel as though they have been taken to another planet. One could then come to believe that they are in love. Separation Anxiety As a result of this, there is a strong chance that one will find it hard to spend time away from this person. When they are with them everything could seem perfect, but when they are away from them, they could be overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. Due to this, it might not take long before they move in with the other person, or until the other person moves in with them. And as they come across as needy and weak, the person they are with will probably come across as strong and powerful. The Centre of Their World One is going to feel like an empty human being, and this is why they are dependent on someone else. Their happiness, safely and survival will be seen as something that is in their partners hands. It can be hard to comprehend why the other person would be interested in someone who is so needy and dependent, yet they are also likely to find it hard to be by themselves. The image that they present to the world - of being strong and having it all together – is likely to hide how weak and vulnerable they feel on the inside. What’s going on? One way of looking at this would be to say that it is love; another way of looking at it would be to say that this is what happens when someone is carrying trauma. This trauma is going to be what is stopping them from feeling like a while human being. The reason they are carrying trauma is likely to be due to what took place when they were growing up. At this time in their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have stopped them from getting what they needed to develop in the right way. Projection The parts of themselves that they haven’t realised end up being displaced onto the people they end up with. One then looks like an adult, but they view other people through the eyes of the wounded child that is within them. If one received the care that they needed as a child, they would feel like an interdependent human being. But as this didn’t take place, and they haven’t worked through the trauma within them, they feel like a dependent child. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to embrace their inherent wholeness, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was asked to share their thoughts about ‘hate speech’, they might have a number of things to say. Firstly, they could say that it has no place in today’s world, which is why it is a good thing that it is banned.
The Main Benefit On top of this, they could say that it will be a lot easier for people to relax and to feel safe, knowing that this kind of speech won’t be tolerated anymore. And, if one was asked to elaborate on what they believe is the definition of ‘hate speech’, they could say that it relates to anything that incites discrimination, hostility or violence. With the above being on the basis of someone’s religion, colour, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, ethnicity or national origin. Taking this into consideration, it is clear to see why this kind of speech would be seen as hate speech. The Purpose Upon reflection, one might wonder why these laws haven’t been around for a lot longer than they have. With this in mind, there is a strong chance that one will make sure that they don’t say anything that would incite discrimination, hostility or violence. However, if one is thoughtful human being who cares about their fellow humans, it could be said that this won’t be an issue. This is based on the fact that it should be relatively easy for someone to know what they should or shouldn’t say. Not a Problem Taking this into account, these laws are going to make the western world better for everyone. Therefore, even if there are moments when someone says the wrong thing and ends up in trouble, it will be worth it in the long run. One way of looking at this would be to say that the end justifies the means. The end could be seen as the perfect utopia where everyone gets on and feels accepted no matter where they go – how wonderful. The Right Outlook One of the things that they could do, to make sure that they don’t say anything hateful, is to find out what is or what isn’t acceptable. This would give them the opportunity to look into what they believe and, to think about the kinds of words they use, for instance. When this takes place, it could be said that one will be behaving like the perfect citizen; someone who has the need to always do the right thing. This is likely to be something that one will need to do on a regular basis, that’s if they want to do the right thing, of course. It Is Not Fixed One might be only too happy to do this, or they might find it hard to understand why this is the case. What could come to mind is that there will be things that they say or think that are hateful, yet don’t they don’t even realise. At the same time, one may start to wonder if there is more to all this than meets the eye. It could be as though they started off with a bag of words and, as time has passed, this bag has got smaller and smaller. Self-Censorship As a result of this, it is no longer going to be possible for one to just express their thoughts; they will need to see if what they have to say is classed as ‘hate speech’. Now, it could be said that this is part of living in the modern-day world, and that one needs to think before they speak. The importance of taking the time to think as opposed to simply blurting something out can’t be defined. Nevertheless, if it has got to the point where one can no longer express their views, it surely shows that something isn’t right. Two Things For one thing, who decides what is classed as hate speech and what it isn’t? Secondly, just because someone believes that they have been on the receiving end of ‘hate speech’ or even a ‘hate crime’, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have been. When one reflects on these two points, they may start to see how the first term can be used to control what someone can or can’t say and the second term can be used to charge/arrest someone for something that they haven’t done. On the surface, it can be clear what these two terms mean, yet if someone was to take a deeper look it will be apparent that there is more to all this than meets the eye. The Ultimate Illusion At the end of the day, the people in power are the ones who decide what hate speech is and what it isn’t, in addition to putting these laws into place. These people create the impression that they care about their fellow human beings, and this allows them to fool a lot of people. In reality, the only thing these people are concerned about is controlling their fellow human beings and having absolute control. And through being masters of manipulation, they know exactly what to do to get the outcome that they desire. The Indirect Approach Without a doubt, it is a lot easier to condition people to believe that they are doing the right thing and then for these people to voluntarily give up their ability to express their views, than it would be to do this through force. Through doing this, the people who speak out about what is really going on will be silenced by their fellow human beings. The people who are aware are then kept inline and there is no need for them to be kept in their place by the police or the army, for instance. Sill, someone can keep quiet out of the fear of losing their job, losing their friends and/or being arrested, for instance. A Natural Reaction Also, deciding what people can or can’t say won’t necessarily change their views; in fact, it can lead to other problems. For example, if one can’t express their views in public, they can end up joining or even creating a group that actually wants to cause harm. The media and the politicians, for instance, can then come out and say that this group is the problem. When in reality, this group is going to be nothing more than a symptom - a sign that these people live in a society that is against free speech. Conclusion So, in the same way that someone can repress their feelings, they can also repress their thoughts, but what this won’t do is solve the problem. In the short-term, it may seem as though it is working but, sooner or later, what has been repressed will come to the surface. What this emphasises is how important it is to make sure that people are allowed to express their views. These views are not always going to be easy to hear, but what this will do is create an environment where a society can truly grow and develop rather than the illusion that this is what is taking place.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone has the ability to go along to get along, it can be a lot easier for them to get on with others. By not having the desire to rock the boat, so to speak, they are unlikely to rub other people up the wrong way.
This is likely to mean that they will have a number of friends, and that it won’t be difficult for them to make even more as time goes by. If another person was asked what they like about them, they could point to the fact that one is easy to be around. Zero Conflict Their time together is typically going to be harmonious, and this will allow the other person to take control, that’s if they want to. They won’t need to worry about whether or not the one will resist. One will be seen as someone who is likely to go along with whatever they decide to do, which is why it will allow the other person to fulfil their own needs. So, while one might have more friends than someone who doesn’t behave in this manner, it is not going to be a bed of roses. A loss of self Through behaving in this manner, it is going to be a challenge for one to express their true-self. Their primary need will be to get on with others, which is going to cause them to neglect their other needs. If one doesn’t want to experience conflict, the last thing they are going to want to do is to assert themselves. What this would do is to cause other people to respond to them in a different manner. A New Experience As a result of being agreeable, they will be used to receiving positive responses from other people. This will have a positive effect on their wellbeing, giving them the encouragement that they need to behave in the same way. But if they were to no longer act in this manner, the amount of positive feedback that they receive from others is likely to decrease. And if one finds it hard to feel good about themselves unless they please others, this is going to be hard for them to handle. Another Outcome At the same time, the very idea of displeasing others could be enough to stop them in their tracks. Therefore, while pleasing others will cause them to overlook their own needs, it will be seen as the only option. It is then going be as if the part of them that wants to live in an authentic manner is not strong enough. Until this is no longer the case, they will continue to focus on other people’s needs. Part of Life If one was simply an extension of others, there would be reason for them to change their behaviour. Their main purpose of their existence would be to tune into other people’s needs and to do what they could to fulfil them. But as one is not on this planet to do this, it is going to mean that there will be moments when they won’t please others. That is, of course, if they pay attention to their own needs. True Fulfilment When they pay attention to their own needs and do what they can to fulfil them, it is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be otherwise. Now, this is not to say that they will no longer care about others, far from it. What this comes down to is that they won’t be completely focused on other people; they will be more in balance. There will be moments when others don’t approve of how they behave, but then there will be moments when one doesn’t approve of how other people behave. Out of Balance If someone only cared about their own needs and found it hard to be there for others, it would be necessary for them to move from one side of the spectrum to the middle. Yet, when one behaves in the opposite manner, they will need to move from the other side of the spectrum to the middle. One is then not going from extreme to the other when they are in touch with their true-self; they are simply embracing the part of their nature that has been overlooked for so long. The part of their nature that is likely to be undeveloped is their masculine aspect. A Different Energy This is the part of them that will give them the strength to assert themselves in the world. One of the main reasons why one would find it difficult to do this is because they don’t feel safe in their body. Their need to please others is then a sign that they don’t feel safe enough to stand their ground. If this is the case, it can show that there was a time in their life when it was far too dangerous for them to express themselves. It has Served its Purpose Perhaps one was brought up in an environment where they were abused and/or neglect, for instance. It would then have been essential for them to behave as though they were just an extension of others. Behaving in this way would have been a matter of life or death, and not something that they had a lot of control over. Nevertheless, while it kept them alive at this time in their life, it is not longer necessary for them to behave in this way. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This can be a time when they will be working through trauma and changing what they believe.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Towards the end of last month, there was thought to be another terrorist attack in London; fortunately, it turned out that this wasn’t the case. After what was said to be “an altercation between two men on a platform”, one thing lead to another and the police triggered their protocol for terror attacks.
The Reaction Since then, it has been said that this shows how much of an effect the terror attacks of the past have had on people. It is no longer necessary for them to have clear evidence that a terror attack is taking place - all it takes is for them to experience something unsettling. A small or large trigger can put them into survival mode, and it will be as if their life is under threat. Bearing in mind what has happened in recent years and how much attention the mainstream media has given to terror attacks, it could be said that it is perfect normal for people to behave in this way. The Greatest Need There is one need that trumps just about every other need that a human being has – the need to survive. The average person is not going to want to do anything that could put their life at risk. Even so, there is going to be no reason for someone to constantly be on the lookout for danger - that is unless they have experienced trauma. When someone has experienced some kind of trauma, it can set them up to be hypervigilant. One Consequence So, if someone has been involved in a terror attack or heard about them through the mainstream media, it could set them up to be on the lookout whenever they are in London, or anywhere else that has had at least one attack. At the same time, if one has had other experiences where they have experienced trauma, they could still respond in this way. And even if someone hasn’t heard or seen anything that would make them believe that something isn’t right, they could start to panic if other people do. If other people are running, for instance, it could be enough to make them run, too. Another Outcome Alternatively, someone may have decided to no longer visit certain places, with these being seen as high risk areas. Therefore, if they do go somewhere like this, it could be a sign that they don’t have much choice. For example, if one was going on holiday or has a meeting, they might have no other choice than to go somewhere that has had at least one terrorist attack. Still, there are going to be people who continue to visit the same places. The Priority After a terrorist attack has taken place, it is not uncommon to hear about how important it is to carry on as normal. In addition to this, another thing that is often said is that this won’t affect our way of life. Based on how some people responded after what was thought to be a terror attack in London, it is clear how challenging it is to carry on as normal. Not only this, it could be said that carrying on as normal would be the last thing that someone should do. Another Angle For example, if someone’s car was damaged or another person’s car was damaged in a certain area, it would be wise for them to be wary of parking their car their again, or for the first time. If they were to ignore what has happened in the past, they could soon be in for a nasty surprise. Now, there is no guarantee that anything would happen, but at the same time, that doesn’t mean that one should simply overlook what has happen the past. Ergo, when it comes to what has happened in the past, in regards to terror attacks, it is perfectly rational for someone to change their behaviour and for this to affect their life. Stepping Back However, while these attacks have had an effect on how people behave, they have also had an effect on what people can and can’t do. What this includes are the laws that have been put into place over the years to prevent terrorism. Said another way, there is what has been done to keep people safe. The trouble is that the more of these laws that are put into place, the less freedom people typically have. Just a Coincidence One way of looking at this would be to say that this is not something that the people in power had in mind; after all, they simply want to protect their fellow human beings. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their main priority is to take away peoples freedoms, as this will make it easier to control them. If one believes that the people power have their bests interest at heart, it might be hard for them to entertain this idea. These terrorist attacks are going to be nothing more than a means to an end; an end where people live in permanent servitude. One Step Further That might not be all there is to it, though, as the people in power could be behind these terrorist attacks to begin with. These people start with an agenda and they do what they can to bring this agenda into fruition. Trying to control people directly is likely to lead to resistance, but when this is done indirectly it is far easier. With this in mind, if people are overwhelmed by fear, the last thing they are going to be thinking about is being free - the only thing that they will care about is being safe. Conclusion Another benefit of keeping people in a state of fear is that it is not going to be possible for them to think clearly. And, if their primary need is to feel safe, the last thing they are going to think about is what certain laws will do to their freedom. If someone is a psychopath who wants to control the world, a terrorist attack is likely to be seen as one of the ways for this to take place. The Alternative to all this would be to believe that this is all just happening randomly.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Recently, a porn star committed suicide, and this was said to be due to the abuse that she received online. Based on this, it could be said that the people who abused her online were responsible for her death.
The Trolls This is then an example of what can happen when someone is treated badly on social media. What this shows is that the saying, ‘sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me‘, is not completely true. At the same time, if someone is already in a bad way, it is not going to take a lot of effort to wear them down. Apparently, the porn star who killed herself was not in a good way to begin with, and this was said to be the result of how she was treated as a child. One Outlook For some people, this is not going to come as a surprise: if anything, it will match up with what they already believe about porn stars. As far as they are concerned, all of the men and women who work in this industry will have issues. This is then going to be no different to finding out that someone who has an impressive physique used to be overweight, for instance. What their body used to look like is what gave them the desire to completely transform themselves. The Catalyst How they experienced life at one point in time had a powerful effect on them, and this is what caused them to do the complete opposite. However, when it relates to a porn star, it is not as if they are doing something radically different. If they were abused as a child, it could be said that their modern day life is, in many ways, simply a continuation of what happened to them as a child. But while this will make perfect sense of some people, there will be others who can’t get their head around it. One Level Yet, even if someone doesn’t find this hard to believe, it doesn’t mean that they will have a lot to say about why it takes place. For example, they could just say that these women are “damaged”. And, if a woman was abused as a child, there is a strong chance that she is damaged. Even so, what this doesn’t explain is why what happened to this woman as a child caused her to end up in this type of profession. Another Response On the other hand, there are bound to be other people who can’t get their head around why a woman would end up in this position. If someone has this outlook, they could say that it’s the same as being beaten up in one neighbourhood and going back to the same neighbourhood, not once, but on a regular basis, They might wonder if a person like this is out of touch with their survival instincts, with this being seen as the reason why experience life in this way. Therefore, instead of doing what they can to protect themselves, they do what they can to harm themselves. The Present Day Experience Now, there is going to be how a porn star is treated when she is working and then there is going to be what she puts up with in her day-to-day life. When she is at work, she could be exploited in a number of different ways. Her personal relationships might not be any different, either, and she may have also been with a number of abusive men. If this is the case, just about every area of her life is going to have a negative effect on her mental, emotional, and physical health. One Answer One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason why a woman would experience life in this way is because it is what feels safe at a deeper level. Consciously, this is likely to be the last thing that she wants to experience, but this is going to be exactly what another part of her wants to experience. The type of abuse that she experienced during the beginning of her life is likely to be what set her up to feel comfortable with abuse. What took place at this time in her life would have been associated as what was familiar, and what was familiar would have ended up being classed as what is safe. A Closer Look What this emphasises is how much of an effect this time in someone’s life has on their later years. It doesn’t end there, though, as being treated in this way would have also caused her to feel completely worthless. How she was treated would have been seen as a reflection of her value as a person, as opposed to the fact that her abuser was the one with the problem. This is typically something that takes place out of the need to survive, as if a child was to face up to the fact that their abuser was the one at fault it would have been too much for them to handle at this age; whereas blaming themselves would have stopped them from feeling completely powerless. A Loss of Self And through being treated in this way, there is a strong chance that she ended up developing a false-self in the process. Her true-self would have been seen as flawed and as something that she had to hide from others. This may mean that she is no longer in touch with her true needs and feelings, thereby causing her to play a role. Thus, the image that she presents to the world could be nothing more than a mask. Repetition Compulsion Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason her adult years are very similar to what her childhood years were like is due to her unconscious need to resolve what took place all those years ago. This part of her will believe that she can remedy what took place by having the same experience but with a different outcome. Ultimately, this is highly unlikely to take place, and this is why this is something that can create so much suffering. What really needs to happen is for the woman to see what is taking place and then to work though this pain. Awareness Alternatively, she could work through this pain and, as this happens, she will gradually let go of the need to recreate the past. Yet, regardless of what is going on for her, it is going to be vital for her to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. If a woman was abused as a child, it is unlikely that she will be able to move on overnight – it could take quite some time. This is why she will need to be patient, persistent, and to surround herself with the right people.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It is often said that the best thing that someone can do for another person, when they are going through a challenging time, is to simply be there for them. So, when one is in the other person’s presence, it will be vital for them to be completely present.
No Agenda This means that one is not doing anything, they are simply being in the moment. One can then let go and not have to worry about whether or not this person’s life will change or get better. What this can also show is that one believes that this person is capable of sorting out their own life, and that it is not their reasonability to ‘fix’ them. Through being this way, it is likely to show that one has good boundaries. A Clear Line One will know where there they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. As a result of this, it is going to stop them from trying to define how other people live their life. In this context, one will realise that it is not down to them to tell the other person what they should do. This will also allow them to treat the other person as an adult, as opposed to a powerless child. A Reflection And, if one doesn’t treat other people as though they are missing something, it is likely to show that they feel comfortable in their own skin. One will probably understand - at a deeper level - that their value is not based on what they do. Therefore, the reason why they don’t see the other person as being incapable is due to the fact that they don’t see themselves in this way. Still, this doesn’t mean that one won’t do anything for them if they are asked. A Huge Difference When this happens, one is not giving unsolicited advice; they are being asked to give their advice. One is then going to be coming from a different place, which means that their advice will be presented differently. The other person is likely to feel as acknowledged, and as though one values and respects them. And if they are going through a tough time, there is a strong chance that this is exactly how they want to feel in their presence. A Rare Occurrence It could be said that the above scenario is the ideal; even so, this is not something that always takes place. In a lot of cases, there is a far greater chance that someone will be told what to do. Someone can find out that another person is going through a tough time and it can be as though they are some kind of superhero. It is not going to be possible for them to lend an ear, so to speak, as they will have to use their mouth. One Intention Their ears won’t have a purpose, at this point, and one’s main aim will be to do what they can to fix this person. This whole process will be about doing, not being, which means that one is not going to take the time to tune into what the other person is going through. In a way, one won’t see the other person as an individual; they will see them as an extension of themselves. One might not know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Two Factors When one has the need to ‘fix’ others, it can be due to at least two reasons. Firstly, this can be a sign that one believes that their value is defined by what they do and not by who they are. Consequently, if one doesn’t solve someone else’s problems, they are likely to feel bad about themselves. Secondly, seeing another person is pain can remind them of their own pain. Caught Up If they were to take a step back and no longer tried to solve other people’s problems, they might end up being overwhelmed by their own pain. It is then as if one is trying to clean their window by cleaning their neighbour’s window. This is, of course, a complete waste of time. Clearly, the only way that one will be able to solve their own problems is by fixing them directly, not by trying to solve others people’s problems. Two Benefits Focusing on their own issues will be more painful in the short-term, but it will make their life a lot better in the long-term. Not only this, the people who they come into contact with are more likely to appreciate their company. Instead of feeling as though their boundaries are not being respected and that they are not being heard, for instance, they will be able to feel respected, valued, and heard. The only thing that one will have done for this to take place is to be completely present; nothing more, nothing less. Awareness If one believes that their value is based on what they do, there is the chance that their upbringing set them up to believe this. This may have been a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs. But regardless of why this is, if one has the tendency to try to fix others and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone is in a relationship, there could be moments when they share how they feel, and this could mean that they are also able to be there for their partner. As a result of this, this area of their relationship is going to be in balance.
A Close Bond Through sharing their inner world in this way, it is likely to be something that has a positive effect on their relationship. In a way, this can be the difference between having a surface level connection and having a connection that is very deep. If they were only to talk about what they have done each day or what they want to achieve in their life, for instance, they would probably have a very different connection. It is unlikely that their relationship would be as fulfilling as it is. A Big Difference This can be seen as the difference between simply having a starter and having a three course meal. The first option is unlikely to have much of an effect; whereas the second option is likely to really hit the spot. To be able to open up to another person is one thing and it is another thing altogether to be able to be completely present when they open up. And when it comes to experiencing intimacy, one part is just as important as the other. A Two-Way Process When one opens up about how they feel and their partner is able to stay with them, one is going to feel as though it is safe for them to open up. Furthermore, they will feel respected, valued, and acknowledged. Therefore, when one behaves in the same way towards their partner, they are likely to have a similar experience. Each of them creates the space for the other to open up and to be vulnerable. Emotional Strength In order for one to be able to open up, they will need to feel comfortable with their own emotions and, through being comfortable with their own emotions; it will then allow them to be there for their partner. If, on the other hand, one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own emotions, it is going to be a challenge for them to do either. With this in mind, one will need to be able to be intimate with themselves before they can be intimate with another person. Once this part is in place, the other part should simply fall into place. Another Scenario Alternatively, one person could open up in a relationship about how they feel and the other could keep their feelings to themselves. From the outside, it could then seem as though these two people have an intimate relationship. In fact, the two people could also have the same outlook. However, what this is likely to show is that one person doesn’t feel safe enough to open up, and this is why they keep their feelings to themselves. Two Roles In this type of dynamic, one person can come across as though they are larger than life and have it all together, and the other can come across as though they are incapable and need to be rescued. One person acts like an all powerful adult and the other acts like a dependent child. But while one of them can act as though they are strong and capable, this can be nothing more than an illusion; behind their mask is likely to be someone who feels ashamed of their own needs. The other person is likely to be emotionally stuck at a certain age, and this is then partly why they are not in touch with their personal power. A Traumatic Childhood Both of them are going to be adults, but they are likely to be behaving in the same way that they behaved when they were children. The reason one of them is trying to get their needs met by trying to rescue the other is probably because they had to be there for one of their caregivers. This would have been a time when they had to ignore their own needs and to fulfil their caregiver’s needs. Their needs are going to be seen as something to be ashamed off, which is why they have to try to get them met indirectly. The Other Experience When it comes to the person who acts like a powerless victim, this is also likely to be the role that they played as a child. Along with not getting the kind of care that they needed to develop into an autonomous and empowered adult, it might not have been safe enough for them to assert themselves. Staying small was then what felt safe - thereby setting them up to feel as though they were missing something and needed to rely on someone else to survive. Each person is playing a role due to the fact that playing a role is what feels safe. Awareness Ultimately, it is going to be essential for both of them to feel safe enough to assert themselves. Unless this takes place, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour. And it is highly unlikely that their life will change if they simply change what is taking place in their mind. What this comes down to is that they could be carrying trauma in their body, and this could mean that they will need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Why Do Some People Neglect Their Own Needs When They Get Into A Relationship?9/12/2017
Although someone could pay attention to their own needs when they are single, this could be something that changes when they are in a relationship. It could then be said that one will have a sense of self when they are single and end up losing their sense of self when they are not.
Two Problems Therefore, when one is single, they might think about what it would be like to be in a relationship. Yet, when they are in a relationship, they could spend a lot of energy thinking about what it would be like to be single again. Due to what they go through each in each experience, it could be a challenge for them to feel at peace. At the same time, when one is in a relationship they might not be aware of how they feel. The Priority The reason for this is that one could be so caught up in doing what they can to meet the other persons needs, that they completely ignore what is taking place within them. And even if they do have moments when they do tune into how they feel, this could be something that rarely takes place. One is then going to be behaving as though they are nothing more than an extension of the other person. Their purpose will be to do just about everything they can to full the other persons needs. A Role It is the not going to matter what one did to meet their own needs before they were in a relationship, as they will now have something else to do that is more important. This could be something that their partner is completely on board with, or they might wonder what is going on. If they do have a problem with it, it still doesn’t mean that one will be able to change their behaviour. Instead, one could make out that it is fine, and continue to behave in the same way. Self-Centred Alternatively, their partner could believe that other people exist to take care of their own needs, which is going to stop them from changing their behaviour. If this is the case, there is going to be no reason for them to try to get one to change. If anything, they are going to reward this behaviour, and this is going to show that they believe that their needs are more important than other people’s needs. They might not even realise that other people have needs. Down Hill It is perfectly clear that when one is in a relationship like this, it is not going to add anything to their life; the only thing that it is going to do is wear them down. There is going to be the effect this has on their wellbeing and on their life in general. For example, before one was in the relationship, their life could have been going in the right direction. But as the weeks and months go by, their life could end up getting progressively worse. The Next Step If one is able to get to the point where they can no longer tolerate what is taking place, they might be able to end the relationship. This could be a time when they will begin to get back in touch with their own needs and as a result of this - their life could start to improve. After a little while, they could end up getting into another relationship and the same thing could take place all over again. This could then be the second time that this has taken place or it could be something that has happened on other occasions. A Victim One way of looking at this would be to say that this person just happens up end up with people who are self-centred. Consequently, there is only going to be so much that they can do; they will need to wait until the right person appears in their life. If this is the outlook that one has, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they feel powerless, helpless, and as though they have no control over this area of their life. What this wouldn’t take into consideration, though, is that one is not simply an observer of their reality. The Common Denominator At the end of the day, there is one person who keeps showing up, and that is the person who one sees whenever they look in the mirror. With this in mind, it is going to be essential for one to look into why they neglect their own needs when they get into a relationship. One might also see that they find it hard to fulfil their own needs even when they are not in a relationship. Either way, what this could show is that one doesn’t feel safe enough to pay attention to their own needs. A Deeper Look Focusing on someone else’s needs and doing what they can to fulfil them is going to be what feels safe. It can then be hard for them to comprehend why they wouldn’t feel safe enough to pay attention to their own needs. However, if they were to think about what their early years were like, they may begin to understand why they behave in this way. This may have been a time in their life when they had to focus on their caregiver’s needs. Role Reversal It wouldn’t have been possible for them to be a child; they would have had to act like a parent instead. Furthermore, this would have meant that their boundaries were not respected. So, through being walked over and not receiving the kind of care that they need in order to develop a strong sense of self, it is going to be normal for them to find it hard to assert themselves. Through having to be there for their caregivers, one could believe that there is something wrong with their own needs. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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